My Four Kings
by Adins
Summary: The semi-satirical story of four immortal guardians who can't find much else to do with eternity than get on each others nerves, buy cool appliances and somehow try to save the world. Pull up a stool and join us at The Four Kings Bar & Grill!
1. Introduction

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Important Introductory Stuff

Good day folks, I wanted to take this opportunity to give newcomers to "My Four Kings" the heads-up on what to expect, because a lot of times either new readers don't quite get there, or they get blindsided by the sudden shift in direction and style the story takes after the first few chapters. What starts as straight-up humor and parody bordering on Crack!fic becomes something else entirely…

This story was conceived as being solely about the Shitennou, reborn in the present day, attempting to cope with daily urban life. They live in a house that's too small to contain them, they're on each other's nerves, and it's basically like watching four college roommates hash it out. They tend to be crude, vulgar, and their adventures are of a distinctly non-world-saving variety. I fully intended to keep churning out chapters featuring these four misfits and their ridiculous adventures, but somehow things got away from me and an actual _story_ began to develop instead of a random assortment of nonsense.

I still enjoy going back and reading the earlier chapters, but to anyone who hasn't been following the story the beginning may seem a bit contrived and directionless. I offer you my hopes that you will stick around, have a laugh with the guys and get to know them in this more modern setting and then, like those who have been following the story since day one, get taken along for the ride as things suddenly shift tone roundabout chapter seven.

Yes, there is a proliferation of sophomoric male humor, excessive cursing, inventive usage of the word "dick" and a plethora of jokes dealing with people's mothers, but beyond all of that lies a story about four men to whom fate dealt a difficult hand. This is the story of the once-noble Shitennou, their struggles to redeem themselves in the eyes of their Master, and the relationships they forged with four _senshi_ who may one day bring their story full-circle.

Pull up a stool and join us at the Four Kings Bar & Grill!

-Adins  
_Thanksgiving, 2010_


	2. We Won't Get Fooled Again

Thousands of years ago four noble warriors watched over our planet and protected it from the chaos that lingers just beyond the edge of human perception. Their task was righteous and their cause just, but alas they were ensnared by the hellish demons they fought to contain. Nevertheless, after ages of strife, their souls which were bound to the Earth itself found solace and in their repose, their sins were wiped clean; they were given a second chance to serve.

Now as the agents of war and discord seek once again to pull the Earth into a dark age of … _darkness_ … these four warriors, the Shitennou, are called upon once more to protect us all!

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: We Won't Get Fooled Again!

"Jadeite!" thundered an aggravated voice care of a burly man who would have looked more at home on a Viking longboat than in the hallway of a suburban duplex.

Jadeite was unresponsive. His fingers flew wildly over the expanse of an expensive-looking Yamaha keyboard as he tapped out a melody only he could hear through bagel-thick studio headphones. A point-blank cannon shot would've gone unnoticed. Nephrite grabbed the left speaker and snapped it against his companion's head.

"DICK!" Jadeite shouted back and ripped the headphones off in a fury, "These are expensive!" He pawed at his ear, "That hurt!"

"Not half as much as when I take a hot slab of rebar to the side of your skull," Nephrite fired back and whipped a pile of wet clothes at Jadeite that he happened to be holding behind his back.

"What the Christ?" Jadeite stammered, trying to piece together this turn of events.

"You did your wash on Hot again!" Nephrite shouted, furious, "We went over this a dozen times, screw-job, we do all of our laundry on Cold, do you have any idea how much heating oil costs?"

"I wash my whites in warm water on principle." Jadeite replied as he stood up and tried to dry himself off from the soggy laundry.

"I murder thick-headed, blonde-haired fuck-ups on principle, too!" Nephrite shot straight back.

Footsteps pounded down the stairs from the attic on the third floor above Jadeite's room and the door swung open. A third man stuck his head out, topped by coppery blonde hair, much longer than Jadeite's, that had at least two hairbrushes stuck inside it bound up in various knots. He wasn't wearing a shirt and very rarely did when he was inside the house. It was about 3PM and it looked as though he'd just woken up.

"Were you talking to me?" he asked vacantly.

"No, Zoisite. Go back upstairs." Nephrite almost growled; Jadeite raised an eyebrow at Zoisite's intrusion.

Zoisite stood leaning out the doorway for a moment before rolling his eyes and mouthing, "Fuck you guys." The door slammed behind him, followed by footsteps, followed by whispered swearing…

Nephrite sat down on the edge of the purple inflatable mattress that Jadeite called a bed and took in the surroundings. The "bed" itself was a mess, covered in bits of cloth his roommate used as blankets. One of them was definitely a faded _My Pretty Pony _towel. Jadeite's laptop was open to Yahoo! News near his pillow. He had a tendency to sleep with his computer.

Jadeite's computer desk was littered with useless books about electrical engineering theory, old printer cartridges, an unopened bottle of Bacardi 151 and piles of receipts dating back at least two years. His bookcase was a similar mess with the top shelf reserved for empty plastic cups and myriad of personal hygiene products. There was one picture hanging on the empty expanse of white walls and it was a framed portrait of Billy Joel autographed to someone named Aaron. Jadeite never explained how he came to possess it, though it may have been a lost heirloom from the previous owners of their home.

Jadeite's closet stood next to his Yamaha 88-key keyboard, which took up the majority of the room. Instead of using his closet to store his clothes, Jadeite tended to use the back of his rolling chair. At least two week's worth of clothing was draped over the chair and only Jadeite's weight when he sat at the keyboard kept it from tipping over. Since he was now standing, the chair and all his clothes were on the plain gray carpeted floor.

"Your room is depressing." Nephrite observed.

"Your mom is depressing," was Jadeite's favored comeback, despite the fact that "your mom" jokes went out of style at the turn of the new millennium.

Jadeite straightened out his chair and sat back down, turning to his keyboard again and starting up with another song, this time blaring through a pair of studio speakers that teetered precariously on the edge of the keyboard stand.

"What is this shit?" Nephrite asked in mild disgust.

"I'm practicing for a show." Jadeite replied in his usual cryptic manner.

"A strip show? A boat show? The Cosby Show?" Nephrite rapidly questioned, "Offer some more details into your life, jackass!"

Jadeite sighed heavily and slammed his fingers down on an awful sounding chord before turning to face his inquisitor, "The theater society is doing a scene from _Rent!_ at the Cancer Telethon next weekend and they asked me to play, okay?"

"No, it's not okay, it's gay." Nephrite responded, "Musical Theater is for queers and lesser fags, funboy. Next weekend is the Eagles kick-off."

"Shit." Jadeite cursed and looked off into the distance as the cogs of his brain began clicking in audible thought, "I might have to miss the first quarter."

"Dick mouth." Nephrite called him, "We have a TV downstairs; sixty-five inches of high-definition glory that we purchased for the sole purpose of watching Andy Reid's beard grow in majesty as the Eagles systematically dismantle every other team in the conference."

"I'll be home by halftime, I swear!" Jadeite tried to defend.

"You've never been on time for anything!" Nephrite shouted, getting flustered again, "Last Saturday you said you'd meet us for wings at six so we didn't have to deal with the late night crowds and you didn't show until quarter after eight!"

"I told you, I had to help my friend Steve put his camper away for the season!" Jadeite reminded his roommate.

"Steve's camper sits under a fucking awning all winter! Can't he unroll the thing on his own? What did he need help with, or were you just there to sensually massage his manhood?" Nephrite bounced back.

"No, I—"

"Every day you say you're going to be home from work by seven and half the time you're not back until nine or later," Nephrite continued, "Where the hell do you go at night?"

"I always end up having … stuff to do!" Jadeite stuttered.

"Yeah, I'll bet," Nephrite continued bashing, "I do _"stuff"_ too, dude. Her name is Linda the Love-Fist." Nephrite made a fist with his right hand and made a lewd jerking motion, "When you live in a house with three other guys you don't have to run away to a public bathroom or your friend's house, just ask for some alone time."

"That's not what I meant!" Jadeite shrieked back, turning deep shades of red.

"Would you two stop yelling?" Zoisite's voice screamed through the floor above.

Jadeite and Nephrite stalled for a second and snickered to each other. They decided to move across the hall to Nephrite's room where their ruckus would be less apt to disturb whatever Zoisite was doing upstairs. Nephrite's door was adorned with a stylized medieval letter _N_ flanked on both sides by silhouetted naked women like the kind found on the mud flaps of tractor trailers.

Nephrite's room was decidedly macho. His floor was hardwood and partially covered by a large area rug. His walls were white, but one wall of his room was covered almost completely by a large art print of a great white shark leaping out of the ocean to catch a seal in its mouth. Above his bed hung a large decal of another stylized medieval _N_, only this time sprouting wings. Next to his bed was a bookcase and dresser holding a library of martial arts books, history books, and war novels. He had a lava lamp and a World War 2 era infantry helmet on the top shelf. His matching computer desk was in the opposite corner and in addition to hi PC held many interesting war-related artifacts such as a dud grenade, bayonets, buttons, sashes, and replica firearms.

The other wall of his room displayed several movie posters such as _The Thirteenth Warrior_ and _The Alamo_. (The original with John Wayne.) However, beneath those stood a fifty gallon saltwater aquarium that contained clown fish, shrimp, crabs, clams, and a wide array of coral life in a rainbow of colors. The aquarium was Nephrite's pride and joy and in addition to the hours of intricate care it took to maintain, he'd also sunk several thousand dollars into his hobby for top-of-the-line equipment. Jadeite knocked against the glass trying to get the attention of one of the fish and was immediately rewarded with a swat to the back of the head.

"Don't bother Speenan." Nephrite said in reference to the sleek looking fish Jadeite was apparently bothering.

"Speenan?"

"I tried to name him Speedy, but I was drunk and it came out kinda sideways." Nephrite confessed without an ounce of regret, "By the way, I should be getting a package in the mail tomorrow with my new light fixtures, keep an eye out for it."

"I got a package for you right here," Jadeite said and gestured to his crotch.

"Fantastic." Nephrite replied flatly and turned towards his computer.

There was silence in the room for a few moments while Nephrite chatted away on an aquarium message board and Jadeite rolled his roommate's Rubix cube back and forth in his hands, wondering what his next turn should be.

"What fucked up kind of fate put the four of us together?" Jadeite wondered aloud.

"I dunno, man." Nephrite answered, "Sometimes the universe just has to balance itself out and here we are."

"Stop reading those mysticism books," Jadeite advised.

"Seriously, ass …" Nephrite said dourly, "Lately I've been thinking that karma and shit is real, I mean, I do good work and I get repaid for it! Look at all the ridiculously awesome stuff I own that I can't afford. Somehow I make it work!"

"We certainly are the dictionary definition of 'hood rich." Jadeite agreed.

The door to Nephrite's room opened and Zoisite walked in wearing a terrifically expensive designer pair of jeans, but still shirtless. His hair was back to normal and it showed the hours of work that it must have taken to comb and straighten. He glanced at his partners and shut the door behind him.

"What's going on tonight?" he asked somewhat lackadaisically.

"Booze," Nephrite and Jadeite both responded and the latter added, "Maybe some consensual relations with the lady-types."

"Well you guys have fun." Zoisite said in a tone of voice that just cried out _"Pay attention to me and ask me what my problem is."_

"Fine, be a bitch." Nephrite dismissed him and turned back to his computer.

"Dude, I'm kind of out of a job right now!" Zoisite replied, using his favorite argument when these situations arose, "I don't have money to be pissing away at the bar every god damned night!"

"That's because you quit your last job because you thought it was too hard and you're too lazy to go look for a new one." Nephrite belted out.

"Fuck you!" Zoisite shrieked back at him, "I'm working my ass off, here! There's just nothing available right now!"

"Working your ass off?" Jadeite snickered, "You sleep until noon and sit on your computer for five or six hours a day watching YouTube videos of a guy with Tourette's syndrome."

"The rest of the time you compulsively clean the house and whine about how nobody else pulls their weight around here." Nephrite chuckled, "Because, you know, we all have careers and lives outside this house."

Zoisite stood with a slightly dumbfounded expression on his face for a moment trying to formulate a response that he knew he didn't have and ended up just shaking his head in defeat, preparing to leave the room and enter a two or three day self-imposed exile from his roommates. Just then the door to Nephrite's room busted open and the doorknob slammed into the wall where it left a noticeable mark. Kunzite thrust his body through the doorway, panting for breath.

"Nice job, ass!" Nephrite chastised his fourth associate, "You plan on fixing that dent now?"

"Eat a dick." Kunzite responded.

The other two were about to speak when Kunzite silenced them with an awkward wave of his hand. His thumb was moving up and down as though they were pressing an invisible button. His other hand was locked in the vague position of someone holding a gun by the trigger.

"Are you having a palsy episode on us, man?" Jadeite asked.

"How much cash do you have?" Kunzite asked the occupants of the room.

"Why, is there a hooker outside?" Nephrite wondered aloud and rolled his chair over to his window where he peered down on the darkened streets.

"Fuck it; I'll just use my card." Kunzite announced, "Get ready and pile into the Jeep, we're making a run to Wal-Mart."

"For what?" the other three Shitennou asked in unison like a bad sitcom family.

"I've had a revelation today at my boss' house after the board meeting," Kunzite finally established, "We have it pretty good here at the moment, but we're missing a key ingredient."

"Chicks?"

"Babes?"

"Women?"

Kunzite shook his head, "No, but this will only add to the entertainment value of our Man-Lair when we entertain the opposite sex." He paused for dramatic effect …

"Gentlemen, we need to buy a Wii."


	3. Electric Avenue

Bold. Courageous. Zealous. These are the words that describe the Shitennou. As the Four Heavenly Kings they are charged with regulating the tides of fate that continuously batter the destinies of man. Their words are law and their actions the stuff of legends. Their noble quest is ceaseless and their crusade knows no earthly end …

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Electric Avenue

The maroon Jeep Liberty sped down the Interstate in such a manner that if the world were a cartoon it would have trailed a long plume of debris including chunks of buildings, other cars, and screaming people caught in the whirlwind. Kunzite was not a fan of speed limits.

"You know, Wii's are ridiculously hard to find." Jadeite mentioned from the back seat.

"I don't care, we have to have one!" Kunzite practically salivated.

"The graphics aren't nearly as good as compared to an Xbox or PS3." Nephrite, who was sitting shotgun, interjected.

"Graphics aren't everything.' Kunzite offered.

Nephrite paused for a moment in thought and added, "No, but they're like … sixty percent or so."

"Listen, here's the point:" Kunzite iterated, "Motion-control. You actually have to move your body to play Wii games, its revolutionary! They have games out, like tennis games, where you have to _swing your arm_ … like in real tennis!"

"That sounds kind of gay." Zoisite observed. At this point he was wearing a t-shirt.

"You look kind of gay." Nephrite replied, glancing over his shoulder to give Zoisite an angry stare. He pouted.

"You could just play real tennis." Jadeite remarked as he wiped invisible dust off the Jeep's leather seat cushions.

"Tennis isn't the point!" Kunzite growled, becoming less enchanted by the moment, "There's all kinds of cool stuff out there. The Wii is the future."

"I read articles about kids accidentally throwing those remote-nunchuck things through their TV's and stuff. We don't need that kind of risk." Jadeite informed him.

"What the hell is wrong with you people?" Kunzite cursed, "When we first moved into the house all we had was a refrigerator and that ridiculously large TV. We didn't even have furniture; we had two mattresses propped together to form a couch and an old Nintendo 64."

"And that was awesome." Jadeite answered.

"Starfox, GoldenEye, Ocarina of Time …" Zoisite rattled off.

"Don't you understand the endless hours of enjoyment we'll get from this Wii thing?" Kunzite demanded.

"You know the bills are going to be due in about a week," Nephrite observed, "I don't really have the flow at the moment to be throwing down hardcore on gaming rigs."

"Oh, so when you don't have money to buy a stupid Wii it's okay to blame it on the bills?" Zoisite punctured his way into the conversation, "But when I don't have money to blow on booze and sleazy women I'm somehow less of a man?"

"Yes." Nephrite and Jadeite answered in unison.

"You people have no sense of priority …" Kunzite mumbled mostly to himself and then spoke up, "When was the last time any of you had a girl over the house?"

"How does that relate to a Wii?" Jadeite asked.

"Just answer my god damned question!"

"Women find me grossly unattractive because I'm so heavy." Zoisite practically whimpered and made a fist that he pounded into his stomach, which was practically nonexistent.

The other three occupants of the speeding Jeep turned and glanced at Zoisite who was oblivious to their disapproving stares. He only kept bashing away at himself threatening to burst into a fit of awkward sniffling at any moment.

"Uhh … I had Jill over a few weeks ago." Jadeite answered slowly.

"You work with Jill. She was helping you with a proposal." Kunzite shot back.

"Oh yeah, you're just draggin' them in by the hair." Jadeite accosted the older man and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Nephrite?" Kunzite asked knowingly.

"I'm too awesome to be bogged down by a girlfriend right now." He answered in fine macho form.

"Right. Sure. I forgot you were the epicenter of the known universe." Kunzite said and rolled his eyes heavily, "Look, the Wii isn't just a video game console. It's a _gateway_."

"Are you high?" Jadeite asked seriously, leaning between the consoles of the front seats.

"Get back there before I snap off your hook nose." Kunzite threatened.

Jadeite leaned back angrily and Zoisite chuckled aloud, "I don't think any of us even like each other anymore!"

"What?" asked three voices.

He answered: "All we ever do is threaten and make fun of each other. We just give each other invisible racial labels and go to town on them!"

"Yeah, so?" Nephrite asked.

"That's pretty much how I see it." Jadeite agreed.

"Yeah well I went to a lacrosse game with my friend Kent last weekend and we had a conversation about politics, religious tolerance, and a bunch of other things over a nice dinner; we never once disrespected each other. That's what friends do, they support and _talk_ to each other, not scream and cry rape all the time!"

Kunzite practically had to jerk the Liberty back onto the road after nearly barreling head on into a guard rail thanks to his debilitating laughter. Nephrite and Jadeite were lost causes as well, choking and gasping for air between riotous fits of howling. Zoisite just shrunk back in his seat and cursed silently.

"Christ, I've never laughed so hard in my life…" Nephrite said, wiping tears from his eyes.

"God I love you, Zoisite." Jadeite said and put his arm around his friend who shrugged him off petulantly.

"Anyway, like I was saying," Kunzite continued, "The Wii is like a rite of passage for chicks who can handle what we have to offer."

"Speak more of this." Nephrite ordered in a studious manner.

"We've talked about it before how one of us is destined to find a girlfriend who is basically just a fifth member of our group," Kunzite continued, "There has to be someone out there who can handle the constant swearing, arguments, fighting, asinine purchases, boozing, and general boorishness that we all thrive on."

"Most of us, anyway." Zoisite grumbled to himself.

"Oh knock it off already, Zoisite!" Kunzite shouted at the back seat beauty queen, "You used to add your own unique vibe to this group, but you've shut down lately. Get off this self-pity thing already, it's fucking depressing."

"Fine, whatever you say." Zoisite sassed back.

"You were saying?" Nephrite reintroduced the conversation topic at hand.

"There has to be a group of chicks out there who are crude, vulgar, _straight_, and enjoy the finer things in life like football and video games," Kunzite continued, "If you can get a girl to play the Wii, she's a contender for being able to roll with the big dogs."

"Interesting theory." Nephrite mused philosophical.

"That still doesn't change the fact that finding a Wii is next to impossible," Jadeite added yet again, "They're sold out everywhere you go!"

"Then we won't stop until we've gone everywhere!" Kunzite announced proudly.

"The likely outcome of this endeavor is we're going to spend at least as much money on gas as on the Wii driving all over the state trying to find one." Jadeite observed.

"I know you don't have anything better to do than this, Jed." Kunzite informed his colleagues, "We'll all call in sick if we have to, but we're not going to rest until that glorious white box of wonders is under our roof!"

"Then the only problem is meeting the chicks we intend to put to trial against the Wii …" Nephrite's thoughts meandered aloud.

"Everything in due course." Kunzite plotted fiendishly.

"Any chance we can swing by GNC so I can refill my Hydroxycut?" Zoisite asked.

"You get any thinner and NASA is going to come looking for a god damned runaway black hole." Nephrite joked.

Kunzite and Jadeite glanced questioningly at each other and Zoisite simply pouted.

"What?" Nephrite asked, bewildered.

"How does what you just said make any kind of sense?" Jadeite asked.

"It makes perfect sense," the wooly-haired man replied, "Like, when stars collapse on themselves and become black holes … or was it pulsars?"

"They collapse because they become ridiculously massive and can't support themselves anymore, not because they get smaller!" Kunzite corrected his star-gazing companion.

"Bullshit."

"Wait, wait! Are you saying … _I'm_ ridiculously massive?" Zoisite squeaked, oblivious to the content and direction of the conversation.

"It's not bullshit, its science!" Kunzite continued.

"It's the same basic concept: he's going to disappear!" Nephrite argued back.

"No, that's not the same thing at all!" Jadeite picked up Kunzite's threads, "Matter just doesn't disappear! Where were you during high school physics?"

"Molesting your still then-attractive mother, dick!" Nephrite insulted.

"Hey!"

"Guys, please!" Zoisite pleaded amidst the chaos, "I'm having a moment here!"

"Just admit that you're wrong, Nephrite!" Jadeite prodded, "That telescope you mounted outside on your roof ledge is absolutely worthless without an elementary understanding of the way the universe operates!"

"I'm going to get elementary on you with the Tennessee ten-pounder here!" Nephrite threatened and cracked the knuckles of his left hand.

"The what?" Kunzite shrilled, surprised.

"You heard me, ace!" Nephrite shouted back and cracked his other fist.

"I swear to god, I'll put this Jeep into a tree passenger-side first!" Kunzite swore.

"Guys."

"Jadeite, back me up!" Kunzite ordered feverishly.

"Stay out, Jed." Nephrite counter-ordered, "Me and surfer-boy are having words."

"Surfer-boy, nice." Kunzite chuckled, "I haven't been called that since the mid 90's."

"Guys!"

"It's more a platinum blonde than bleach, I think." Jadeite intervened.

"Nobody asked you, Jed." Nephrite answered back roughly.

"GUYS!"

The other three combatants in the cramped Jeep Liberty turned, or cocked their heads, to drill through Zoisite with their wrathful eyes. Then they all heard it:

_We gonna rock down to Electric Avenue and then we'll take it higher.  
Oh, we gonna rock down to Electric Avenue and then we'll take it higher._

"Mine. That's mine." Kunzite growled and fumbled in his coat pocket for his iPhone.

"Wow. Retro." Nephrite said with a smirk.

"Ahhh shit." Kunzite commented as he read the caller ID screen, "It's Mamoru."

The occupants of the Liberty all groaned along with Kunzite as he reluctantly answered the call just as Nephrite mouthed an insult that sounded like "Electro-Fag."

"Hey there, boss!" Kunzite greeted with exceptionally thin mock eagerness.

"Hey, how's my favorite foursome?" Mamoru asked as his voice with its never-say-die cheerfully blind optimism filled the Jeep on speakerphone.

"Gay." Jadeite quipped quietly through fits of chuckling.

"We're good, what's up with you?" Kunzite answered swiftly, covering up whatever horrible non-sequiturs the rest of the passengers were uttering.

"Nothing. HEY! Check this out!" Mamoru responded and shifted tones jarringly, "Look out your window … wait … now! Look!"

Kunzite reluctantly turned his head toward the driver's side window and saw exactly what he expected to see: Mamoru, driving his beaten-down Honda Civic in the lane next to them, waving like an imbecile with a cell phone jammed halfway into his head.

"That's, uh …" Kunzite stalled, "How long have you been there?"

"Oh, I've been following you since you left your house." Mamoru said proudly, "I was just out for a drive."

"At eleven thirty at night?" Kunzite asked.

"Can you see me?" Mamoru asked giddily, "Hey look! Look what I'm doing now!"

The four Liberty occupants watched with disdain as Mamoru threw his seat back in full recline, grabbed a hat from his passenger's seat and put it on sideways, and draped his arm carelessly over the wheel, all while flying down an interstate at upwards of 70 MPH.

"True thuggin!" Mamoru drawled over the phone, blasting hip-hop music through his speakers which came through the cell connection as hateful static.

"He's just fucking sad anymore …" Nephrite desolately observed.

Jadeite just buried his face in his hands in a discordant mixture of amusement and disgust. Zoisite shrugged and Kunzite had trouble formulating an ego-stroking compliment to pay the man in the car next to him.

"So where are you guys going?" Mamoru asked just as the horn of a tractor trailer blared like the brass section of a symphony orchestra.

The Shitennou had an instant to react as Mamoru's car swerved into oncoming traffic and disintegrated as an eighteen-wheeler plowed into it with merciless force. There was a very brief fireball and dozens of sets of screeching tires as traffic in the opposing lane skidded to a halt. The occupants of the still-speeding Liberty were slack-jawed in their shock.


	4. Invisible Touch

They are as diverse as the four corners of the earth that they protect, yet the Shitennou are united in their singular goal to ward off evil wherever it may arise. Their friendship and camaraderie is their greatest strength, greater even than the ancient magics they wield in their tireless crusade against darkness. Even when the veil of evil threatens to block out all light of hope they stand as a beacon of righteousness to lead us through to the peaceful dawn …

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Invisible Touch

The emergency vehicles were long gone but their incendiary flashing lights and screaming sirens were still throbbing across Nephrite's senses. He was not a man deeply in touch with his emotions and whenever a situation arose that forced him into an emotional pocket he sought refuge with his friends.

One of his friends was a Captain; several of them had Russian names like Stolichnaya; the other three were "wise men" named Jim, Jack, and Johnnie. Nephrite was a man who enjoyed a good drink or eight. He took a swig from his two-liter bottle of Coke and went for another hit of Jim Beam.

"Sonnuvabitch …" he drawled drunkenly and threw the empty bottle at the opposite wall where it exploded in a spray of glass.

"Hey!" one of the hospital orderlies shouted pointing furiously at the broken bottle.

Kunzite gave the orderly a good long stare and he swiftly returned to whatever menial duties he was attending to. The elder Shitennou then promptly swatted Nephrite across the forehead with the back of his hand, an action that was mostly for show at this point as Nephrite could barely feel his own teeth.

"It feels like we've been here forever," Jadeite commented and stretched out in the uncomfortable wood-framed blue fabric chair; the type found in every hospital across the continental United States.

"I think that's the doctor is coming now!" Kunzite announced and he and his colleagues took to their feet. Nephrite stumbled.

The bespectacled physician approached, still dressed in his O.R. scrubs. He was nodding his head in a positive manner but his face betrayed no emotion. Kunzite was the only one with enough wherewithals to ask about Mamoru's condition.

"I'll tell you this straight out," the doctor said seriously, "He's a very lucky man to be alive right now. I don't know how anyone could have survived a crash like that."

"He has a very thick head." Zoisite commented in all seriousness.

Jadeite sighed and looked up at the ceiling as if to ask "Why?" to some higher power. Kunzite rubbed the bridge of his nose and gave the doctor an apologetic shrug.

"Uh… anyway." the doctor stuttered, "He's lost a lot of blood and he has numerous burns across a good portion of his body. He also sustained a broken shoulder, three broken ribs, and multiple minor abrasions and bruises, but he should make a full recovery."

"I-uh, I bet he'll have some sick-ass scars." Nephrite droned incoherently, "Chicks dig scars, ya feel me?" He loosed a thunderous belch.

"Is that man drunk?" the doctor asked appalled.

"No, his mother did a lot of heroin when she was pregnant with him." Kunzite lied.

The doctor raised an eyebrow and stared blankly for a few moments before shaking his head and walking away, leaving the Shitennou with one of the hospital receptionists to fill out paperwork. What felt like several hours later Kunzite repeatedly flexed his fatigued writing hand and they were admitted to visit Mamoru for a few minutes.

"God, he looks dead!" Zoisite gasped and tried to grab onto Kunzite for support who simply sidestepped away.

"We should be so lucky." Jadeite mouthed off-handedly.

"Shut up, jackass!" Kunzite rebuked him, "Fuck me, you people can be positively _bankrupt_ of all humanity."

"I was just joking, dude!" Jadeite argued back, "Lighten up."

"Oh you know how he gets when Mamoru is involved," Zoisite prattled, "He goes into _"fearless leader"_ mode and tries to pretend he's in charge of the universe."

"I do not!" Kunzite growled down at him.

"I just don't want him to suffer …" Nephrite sighed only partially conscious. He passed his hand across Mamoru's forehead and brushed his raven hair away from his partially singed forehead and in one swift move Nephrite was pressing the man's pillow over his face.

"Goodnight my sweet, sweet prince!" Nephrite howled, tears flowing down his face in alcoholic torrents.

"What the fuck!" Kunzite shouted and lunged at Nephrite.

"NO! Let him sleep!" Nephrite continued crying as the other Shitennou tried to pry him off their leader, "Let him have his peace!"

"Get off him you dumb shit!" Kunzite roared and roundhoused Nephrite straight across the jaw. Inebriated as he was, the auburn-haired alcoholic never saw it coming. The next moment he was slumped unconscious on the floor.

"Wha?" Mamoru groaned as he sluggishly regained consciousness.

"Hey there, boss!" Kunzite greeted with far too much schlock, "You had us worried for a minute!"

"How's your head?" Zoisite asked in his detached way.

"Come … closer …" Mamoru moaned weakly.

The three alert Shitennou moved closer, knocking their foreheads together to listen to what their ancient ward had to tell them:

"I don't think I'm going to make it." He confessed.

"Nonsense, you're going to be fine!" Kunzite reassured him and slapped him heartily on the shoulder which nearly sent Mamoru spiraling into a coma.

"Nice one." Jadeite snickered.

"You've always been there for me … I never thanked you …" Mamoru suddenly spattered out. A few moments later the injured man was heard to say, "In my bedroom closet I have a chest of drawers. In the bottom drawer … underneath my favorite Corona shirt, the one with the hot chick holding the surf board… there's something …"

Mamoru began to slip out of consciousness again and Kunzite tried to keep him awake with supportive reassurance. Jadeite and Zoisite began to fidget.

"There's something I want you to have …" Mamoru said finally and dozed off.

He started snoring almost immediately; a sure sign that his unconsciousness wasn't the result of any life-threatening brain damage. Kunzite led the group out of the hospital suite ordering Jadeite to sling Nephrite on his shoulder and drag him along. After a short elevator ride they were back in Kunzite's Jeep heading out of the underground parking lot.

"Are we really going to go to his apartment?" Zoisite asked, resting his head against the window watching street lights whiz by.

"What choice do we have?" Kunzite asked with his characteristic authoritative tone.

"We could _not_ go to his apartment." Jadeite answered casually.

"It is our duty." Kunzite responded in stoic monotone, now fully engaged in what Zoisite called "fearless leader" mode.

"He's going to be fine, you know." Zoisite reminded him, "He probably just framed that dumb picture of the five of us from when we took that trip to Gettysburg last summer."

"The one where we stuck our heads through the wood cut-out mural and it looks like we're all Confederate soldiers." Jadeite continued the train of thought.

"Quick step, my boys!" Nephrite half-intoned in his restless drunken slumber, "Give 'em the cold steel!"

"We're going to go see what's there." Kunzite said firmly, "We wouldn't be here if not for Endy-" he stopped abruptly and corrected himself, "Mamoru."

"You were gonna say something else!" Zoisite accused him of his slip-up.

"No, I wasn't." Kunzite replied shakily.

"Yes you were!" he argued back, "Jadeite, backup?"

"Yeah, dude," Jadeite agreed, "You were going to say—

"Shut up!" Kunzite hollered at the top of his lungs, "It was a slip of the tongue, get over it!"

"You wanted to say Endymion!" Zoisite shouted angrily, "YOU! You were going to say it, you god damned hypocrite!"

"Don't you even start, Zoi!" Kunzite screamed towards the back seat, "I am not in the mood for this bullshit!"

"You're the one who's been preaching to us for what? Ten, twelve years now?" Zoisite continued arguing and began poorly imitating Kunzite's commanding voice, _"The past is in the past! We shouldn't talk about the old days! We need to find our new place in the world!"_

"These are difficult circumstances," Kunzite acquiesced, "I'm not a hundred percent with it right now!"

"You put on your little front just like the rest of us," Zoisite continued his assault, "You're probably the only one here who cries himself to sleep at night longing for Elysian."

"Alright, now I'm getting misty." Jadeite commented and shielded his eyes from view.

"Can we not have this argument now?" Kunzite pleaded, "I'm sorry … you know I get edgy when Mamoru is in danger. Can we drop it?"

"Yeah, drop it like it's hot." Zoisite huffed and shrugged inwardly.

All of a sudden Nephrite stirred in his seat and his hands began wildly swinging at the door. Kunzite's concentration was broken and the Jeep swerved violently, tossing the occupants around like a pinball table. Finally Nephrite managed to find the window controls and rolled down the passenger's side window just in time to shove his head out and vomit all over the highway.

"Oh for Christ's sake!" Kunzite swore as he watched his associate heave all over the road, "Aim down! Aim down! I just washed this thing!"

"Fuck off!" Nephrite stammered through fits of wretching.

They continued down the highway until the city exit where Mamoru's apartment complex was located. Another uneventful elevator ride ensued and the Shitennou found themselves at their master's front door where they realized none of them had a key to get in.

"Fantastic." Nephrite commented woozily.

"He's got to have a spare key somewhere." Kunzite blindly assumed, "Check around the edges of the hallway carpet. Maybe a piece of it comes up."

Jadeite reached out and turned the knob on the apartment door and it swung wide open.

"Or maybe he doesn't lock up." He snidely remarked and walked inside.

Kunzite glowered at the back of the younger king's head and the rest of the group followed Jadeite in. Mamoru's apartment was, as it always had been, rather Spartan. He had mostly brown furniture and mostly white walls with a few accent paintings. Upon closer examination they were discovered to merely be store-bought frames with the sample pictures still inside. A few of them retained UPC bar codes and price tags.

"I'll be in the bathroom." Nephrite announced and slogged across the kitchen to the hallway in the rear of the apartment.

"I don't feel right doing this." Kunzite confided in the two blonde Shitennou.

"I don't feel right when I watch scrambled softcore porn on the premium cable channels that we don't get, but it doesn't stop me." Jadeite said reassuringly. Kunzite merely sighed.

"Let's just find what he was talking about and get out of here." Zoisite suggested.

Kunzite nodded and they moved to Mamoru's bedroom which was much like the rest of the apartment: white and boring. _Much like Mamoru himself_, Kunzite couldn't help thinking and he immediately knocked the insubordinate thought out of his mind. Zoisite absentmindedly began straightening things on Mamoru's dresser shelves and folding his clothes while Jadeite rifled through his CD collection.

"Jesus." Jadeite noted, "He certainly has enough Genesis albums."

"There's nothing wrong with Genesis." Kunzite told him as he opened the sliding door to Mamoru's closet.

"Yeah, in moderation maybe." Jadeite argued, "Genesis was a huge progressive pioneer in their day, but after Peter Gabriel left they should've renamed themselves the Phil Collins Catchy Pop Singles and Electronic Drums Project."

"I like Phil Collins." Kunzite replied.

"Yeah, so do I, but you have to be able to see the artistic difference between, say, _Lamb Lies Down on Broadway _and _Invisible Touch_!" Jadeite pointed out delving into his ridiculously deep musical knowledge, "It's like comparing Van Gogh to Thomas Kinkade."

"Right." Kunzite agreed, "One is for opium-craving self-destructive lunatics and the other is for sexually frustrated middle aged Christian women."

Jadeite stalled dead for a moment and finally stated, "You're fucking obtuse."

"Or I just don't care." Kunzite replied with a fake grin.

"Find it yet?" Nephrite asked as he sickly stumbled into the room.

"No, we've been debating the finer points of Genesis." Kunzite responded haughtily.

"Genesis fucking rocks." Nephrite stated with incontestable finality.

"Let's get moving here." Zoisite pleaded as he continued folding random bits of clothing that were strewn about the room.

Kunzite nodded and pulled out a rolling chest of drawers that was shoved in the back of Mamoru's frighteningly unkempt closet. It was somewhat disarming in the face of the largely pristine and orderly apartment, but he supposed he shouldn't be surprised. A dirty closet was probably the one terrifying, life-altering secret that Mamoru hid from everyone. He rolled open the bottom drawer and found the Corona shirt Mamoru spoke of. Sure enough underneath it was a large package covered in plain brown paper. He carefully removed it and set it down on the floor as the other Shitennou gathered around.

"Plain brown paper usually means it's something embarrassing." Jadeite observed and everyone cocked an eye at his unusually perverse comments as of late, "What? Don't look at me like that!"

"Whatever this is, we have to remember it comes with a sacred responsibility," Kunzite reminded them speaking authoritatively again, "Mamoru gave this to us, we have to honor him for it."

"Open the damn thing." Nephrite said and everyone echoed his sentiment.

"All right …" Kunzite shrugged, "Here we go."

He tore the brown paper off to reveal a white, plastic-wrapped box stamped with three large pastel letters that nearly left the Shitennou devoid of breath:

**Wii**

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Nephrite asked, obviously disappointed and flustered.

"Jesus Christ." Jadeite cursed and leaned back against the wall, "Here I was expecting, I dunno, a tome of ancient knowledge or something."

"A photo album or something sentimental at least!" Zoisite agreed.

"Guys, stop!" Kunzite ordered haltingly, "Don't you see what this means?"

"Mamoru is a fuck head?" Nephrite asked sarcastically.

"Hasn't cirrhosis of the liver killed you yet?" Kunzite insulted him with unnerving ease, "This gift carries a profound message!"

"Dude, listen to yourself!" Jadeite tried to reason with his superior, "The man we are sworn by oath to protect thinks he's lying on his deathbed and his last living wish was to bestow upon us a great gift. You'd think that would entail more than a god damned video game."

"Mamoru knew we needed this Wii to make our lives better!" Kunzite argued feverishly, "He doesn't want us to wallow in misery wishing life could go back to the way it used to be with candles and swords and … fucking cherubs or whatever we used to have!"

"I still don't understand what all the hype is with this Wii!" Zoisite confessed and threw his arms around wildly, "I mean it's going to be obsolete in a year!"

"This Wii is symbolic!" Kunzite continued to argue, "It represents a transition from the lives we knew to the new life ahead of us! We need to embrace the new world! That's what Mamoru, our _Master_, is trying to tell us!"

"The new world involves nuclear hostility, religious intolerance, sexually transmitted diseases, education crises, global warming and a bunch of other dumb shit." Nephrite ticked off his fingers as he spoke, "I don't know about you, but I kind of the like the old way."

"Yeah." Jadeite and Zoisite chimed in.

Kunzite grabbed the Wii off the floor and shoved it out in front of him with both hands and sternly gazed at each one of his subordinates in turn. He burned his eyes into Jadeite's and the younger man shrunk under his gaze. Nephrite growled and turned away after a few moments as well. Zoisite's eyes began to well up and he had to loudly sniff back tears. Kunzite tended to have that effect on people.

"We've been going at it strong for years." He spoke somewhat more gently, "Things aren't always easy for us, but all we have is each other."

His speech continued, "The Dark Kingdom nearly destroyed us." He turned to a surprised Zoisite, "You're right, Zoi. I do think about Elysian a lot; but I think about that horrible, lightless void more. I think about how it felt being isolated from my brothers even when we were in the same room. I think about the things we did and it makes me physically ill."

He turned to Nephrite, "You feel it too, I know you do. You can drink and hide it, but it's not as simple as just shutting off that part of your memory. It stays with you."

He moved on to Jadeite, "We all have our little quirks that we use to disguise what we truly feel, but this is the life we're living now. We have to do the best we can and we can't spend the next thousand years in memory and regret."

He addressed them all again, "We wouldn't be here if not for our Master. Despite how we live beyond our means and tear away at each other's privacy just for laughs, we still have a sacred duty to perform. Mamoru wanted to give us this Wii as a way to keep our friendship alive and we owe him at least that much for all he's done for us over the years."

"I guess." Nephrite said with a hiccup.

"Yeah." Jadeite and Zoisite spoke with melancholy respect

"All right!" Kunzite smiled and laughed slightly, "That's enough of the doom-and-gloom! Let's go get this baby hooked up. We're going to need some Fritos and jalapeno cheddar dip."

"We're out of beer." Jadeite mentioned and everyone turned to stare at him, "FINE! I'll buy this time."

"Great!" the Shitennou all shouted in synch and far too stereotypically.

Suddenly Kunzite noticed an envelope lying on the floor amidst the brown paper wrapping that covered their Wii. He tore it open to find a note in Mamoru's practically illegible handwriting that read:

_Dear Fun Boys:_

_I hope you like the present I bought you. If you're reading this note it means that I'm dead and you're dividing my stuff among you. Or, if I had the chance, I gave a dramatic speech as I lay dying and told you where to find this gift. I hope I got to give the speech. I've been practicing it for a while now. I got this book from my buddy Andy about speech writing. Andy is a great guy. He comes over on Tuesday nights to watch House and then we stay up to midnight talking about how House and Wilson are totally gay together. He's so deep!_

"It goes on like this for a while." Kunzite said in the middle of reading the letter.

"Skip a few paragraphs, ace." Nephrite suggested.

_This Wii wasn't easy to get. I had to order it on Amazon and it took a whole month for it to show up, but it comes with that cool Wii Sports thing so you can play golf and stuff. The only problem is I got it discounted as an open-box special so there's no controller with it. They only come with one controller the way it is, so you'd have to buy a few extras anyway. I figured you could each buy your own this way. It can be like a quest! You guys haven't had one of those in ages! _

_Anyway, if I'm dead I hope you remember all the good things about me. I sure will miss you guys and I wish you all the best. Have fun with the Wii! The controllers are only like thirty bucks each, you guys should be able to handle that no problem!_

_Swimmingly yours,_

_Mamoru_

The Shitennou all soaked in the words for a few moments and individually reflected on their meaning. All at once their eyes seemed to fall on the Wii sitting in the middle of the floor, pondering its meaning. Kunzite finally broke the silence and his stoic expression degenerated into a grim scowl of the utmost contempt:

"That son of a bitch …"


	5. The Cincinnati Snow Job

_Author's Note: There really isn't a plot to today's episode. It's kind of just like a snapshot of what the Shitennou do on their day off, namely, one run-on conversation about absolutely nothing. Enjoy!_

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: The Cincinnati Snow Job

A man's home is his castle, but the Shitennou openly admit to anyone in earshot that they are still adolescent in spirit, quantified by their measureless immaturity. No room punctuated their approach to life better than their living room, which was known in their circle, coined by Nephrite, as the Man-Lair. We will try to capture its essence herein:

The floor was polished oak hardwood, installed specially by the Shitennou whose construction skills were somewhat lacking at the time and the floor showed several aberrations in height, but was still functional. The walls were drywall with a fine, spackled texture painted a coffee-toned brown. The ceiling was white with track lighting which gave off a faux-gaslight glow. The majority of the walls were covered with framed movie posters (mostly Spaghetti Westerns, but with some newer entries like _"Sin City"_). One wall was occupied by a 65-inch television on top of its entertainment center. Another wall was occupied by an 8x8 cube-organizer styled shelf which held DVD's, CD's, books, and an array of interesting paraphernalia on the top shelf which served to give the room an Applebee's-quality homeliness.

By far their greatest investment was the couch. It was black, like the rest of the fixtures in the room, suede upholstery, and it was an L-shaped sectional. The coup-de-gras was the fact that it was a four-piece and each section of the couch reclined independently of the others. Each section was separated by a large console with hidden storage compartments and cup holders. The console separations were just large enough, as Nephrite was apt to explain, for the Shitennou to comfortably recline next to each other and still have enough separation so as not to be gay. The Shitennou enjoyed their investment frequently, much as they were doing now, watching the Discovery Channel.

"So …" Jadeite began after he sipped a mouthful of Mountain Dew through a looping and twisting Crazy Straw (the type intended for children) "Les Stroud versus Bear Grylls. Who wins in a fight?"

"Straight fisticuffs?" Nephrite asked as he pondered, "Bear Grylls wins. He's like British secret service. James Bond, basically."

"Yeah, but Les is a mountain man." Kunzite defended, "He knows the ways of the wild."

"That won't do him much good in a steel cage, will it?" Nephrite sassed.

"Okay, let's say they're both left on opposite sides of a jungle and they have to kill each other." Jadeite clarified his query, "Two men go in. One man comes out."

"Do they have any gear?" Zoisite asked as he poked his fork deep into a trapezoidal container of pork fried rice.

"Just what they normally have." Jadeite stated, "Bear Grylls has his climbing gear with his backpack full of ropes and hooks and British stuff. Les Stroud has his multi-tool, uh … some gum, fishing line, a box of rubber bands, and his harmonica."

"Les Stroud wins. No contest." Kunzite declared.

"Explain." Nephrite ordered.

"All Les would have to do is lure Bear Grylls to the most dangerous part of the jungle, like a pit full of snakes." Kunzite explained, "Bear would be all like _"Oh bloody hell, I'm so much more of a man then you, mate, watch me jump naked into this pit of poisonous snakes!"_ then, when he does that, Les can just whip a rock at his head or something."

"That's bullshit; it would be so much more tactical than that!" Nephrite shouted.

"It was a joke, ass." Kunzite replied.

"No, seriously!" Nephrite continued, "They both know their way around a jungle. In a real life-and-death situation neither one of them is going to act like a jackass and try to one-up the other guy."

"How can you even say that?" Zoisite asked, "You've seen _Man vs. Wild_, Bear Grylls just tries to do the grossest, most dangerous shit he can and back talks the audience." Zoisite began to imitate Bear's voice, _"Climbing down into a glacier is horribly dangerous and you should __**never**__ do it, so watch me climb down into this glacier, I'm such a badass!"_

"Les Stroud at least tries to teach practical survival skills that any idiot can perform." Kunzite supported the argument, "Not all of us travel around with a film crew and rappelling gear in case we run across a cliff we can't climb down."

"Yeah, but don't forget Bear Grylls has all of that SAS army training." Jadeite interjected, "Like, all they would do is purposely get lost in forests and deserts just to see how long they could survive."

"Les Stroud is a talented, hardened, thick-skinned Canadian mountain man." Kunzite said with a degree of finality, "I don't care how many bird calls and chicken-shit SAS tactics Bear Grylls throws at him, all Les needs to do is stay downwind and wait for his prey to screw up."

"What if we add Mike Rowe to the fight?" Zoisite asked, "Who wins then?"

"Well considering how Mike Rowe _is_ the Discovery Channel I think he'd probably win." Jadeite mused, "The other two guys wouldn't want to kill him or they'd both be out of a job."

"Mike Rowe isn't a survivalist!" Nephrite argued, "He's not even that physical! He was a fucking opera singer!"

"Yeah, but it's Mike Rowe!" Jadeite continued, "He's like, the coolest guy ever!"

"No." Kunzite spoke in his unnervingly severe tone of voice, "We already decided that Bob Costas is the coolest guy ever."

"Oh yeah! Remember when we talked about writing him that letter?" Zoisite asked as he continued shoveling Chinese food into his mouth.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Nephrite asked, forcefully as usual.

"I think you were at work when we discussed this." Jadeite explained, "Basically we were going to write a letter to Bob Costas and ask him to come hang out with us for a day."

"And do what?" Nephrite asked incredulously.

"Nothing, just hang out." Jadeite said innocently, "We'd sit around and watch TV, play some Mario Kart on the Wii, you know."

"The whole idea is we'd be as nonchalant with it as possible." Kunzite continued, "We wouldn't broadcast it to all of our friends or get the media involved. We'd just chill at the house talking about sports. Maybe we'd do some grilling and have a few beers."

"But why Bob Costas?" Nephrite asked, still confused.

"Why? Because he's awesome!" Zoisite explained as though the whole universe was in on some joke that Nephrite wasn't privy to, "Don't you remember how grounded and soothing it was to have him in our house every night during the Olympics?"

"With all due respect Zoisite, I don't think Nephrite was listening to a damn thing Bob Costas had to say during the Olympics." Kunzite said with a smirk.

"Shut your mouth, Kunzite." Nephrite ordered and his grip tightened around his drinking glass.

"Yeah, he was too busy ogling the ladies' gymnastics teams!" Jadeite laughed and practically fell out of his seat, "For Christ's sake Nephrite, they're kids!"

"Once! One time I made an off-hand comment that the one Russian chick would grow up –listen to my fucking voice– she would _grow up_ to be hot." Nephrite clarified and downed the rest of his Jim Beam and coke in one gulp, "I'm not the one who stays after all of us go to bed to watch scrambled porn on the premium cable channels."

"We all have our little vices." Jadeite said without even an iota of regret.

"Guys, seriously." Kunzite interrupted, "We were talking about Bob Costas, not Nephrite's perversions. Let's get back on topic."

"Awesome as it would be to hang out with him; I don't think he'd bite." Jadeite remarked.

"Come on, I think he's low-key enough of a celebrity that he'd do it." Zoisite interjected, "Just think about it: If he agreed to this we could each go work the next day and everybody would be like, _"What did you do over the weekend?"_ and we could say Bob Costas came over to our house and we totally hung out with him."

"Granted, that is pretty sweet." Nephrite agreed enthusiastically, "But the one problem with your theory, Zoisiste, is you don't have a job."

Zoisite's disposition immediately soured and he slammed his container of rice on the arm rest, scattering a few grains over the floor in the process. Without apology or effort to clean up his minor mess he jumped up from the couch and stormed out of the room, up the stairs and into his bedroom where a door slammed shut furiously and the pouting began.

"Nice one." Jadeite said and met Nephrite in the air with a high-five.

"Can you two please stop picking on him?" Kunzite asked with just the slightest edge of amusement, "I have to share a god damned room with the prom queen."

"Yeah, I hear you two up there chatting away about us all the time." Jadeite, whose room was directly beneath the one shared by Kunzite and Zoisite, said.

"We don't chat." Kunzite corrected him, "Zoisite talks to himself."

"I've heard your voice, though." Jadeite informed him.

"It's not me …" Kunzite sighed in an almost pathetic way, "Look, Zoisite starts a lot of drama with us, but he actually … this is so awful … he tries to rehearse what he's going to say before he actually starts the argument."

"What?" Nephrite and Jadeite both asked in a cartoonish manner.

"He sits up in his room stewing over something we said or did that he doesn't like and he rehearses the argument before it happens." Kunzite explained further, "But he pretends he's arguing with _us_ and he's gotten pretty good at imitating our voices."

"That's fucking creepy." Nephrite stated, almost bug-eyed.

"It's really kind of sad." Kunzite sighed, "In his mind he can never lose an argument, but the shit he pretends we would say when he's doing his little rehearsals is nothing like what we would say in real life."

"Jesus …" Jadeite pondered and glanced towards the stairs leading up to the bedrooms, "I kinda feel sorry for him now."

"Yeah, it'll pass." Kunzite replied with almost too much ease.

Nephrite stood up and swirled the two ice cubes still left in his glass around and said, "I gotta get another Beam & Coke. Anyone else?"

"I'm good." Jadeite passed with a wave of his hand.

Just then Kunzite's iPhone began to vibrate in his pocket. He reached for the phone and glowered sullenly at the display.

"Shit, it's my office. What the hell could they possibly want at this hour?" Kunzite asked and left his seat, "I gotta take this."

He walked out of the room and up the stairs towards his bedroom just as Nephrite re-entered. He watched Kunzite ascend the stairs then glanced down at Jadeite.

"What's going on?" he asked as he sipped on his drink.

"Call from work." Jadeite said and waited for a few moments as Nephrite was unresponsive, "Are you going to sit down."

"Just the two of us?" he asked and took a step back, "No, that's gay."

With that Nephrite marched upstairs to his room and closed the door. Jadeite also heard Kunzite's door close and within a few minutes the house was pretty much silent. Jadeite smirked to himself and grabbed the remote control and switched the channel to an ungodly high number. The screen immediately flashed wavy horizontal lines, wild colors, and brief static. The picture cut in and out, briefly showing snippets of a man and a woman in bed together. The sound sexual moaning was unmistakable.

"God I love this couch." Jadeite sighed as he reclined to enjoy his night of scrambled softcore debauchery.


	6. Scenes from an Italian Restaurant

In a world divided by prejudice, politics, intolerance, and greed, the Shitennou stand as bastions of indomitable humanity. They set the example for us to follow be we democrats, republicans, communists, religious, non-believers, or any class or denomination. They are not hindered by the barriers of race, gender, or creed, and know that each person on the planet is their responsibility by their ancient, sacred charge.

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Scenes from an Italian Restaurant

Jadeite was busy laying out frozen fish sticks in geometric patterns on a baking sheet when Nephrite loudly marched through the door and threw his muddy boots across the room where they struck the wall, knocked the spice rack down, and fell into the kitchen sink. Jadeite largely ignored the disturbance, softly humming as he made a trapezoid out of frozen, three-inch chunks of processed cod.

"I hate my fucking job." Nephrite cussed as he rooted through the refrigerator and snapped a can of Miller High Life off the six-pack ring.

"I never would have guessed." Jadeite mouthed as his eyes rolled in the direction of Nephrite's boots where they lay soaking with the dirty dishes.

"As a construction foreman I am supposed to have absolute control over any given job site. My word is law." Nephrite explained as he threw his weary body into a kitchen chair and rested his beer on his gut, "And yet every single fucking day I get completely side-walled by suits who want to micromanage everything."

"So explain it to your boss." Jadeite offered automatically, not really listening to Nephrite's complaints.

"A man doesn't bitch to his boss just because the job takes more than a cup of coffee and a nut-rub." Nephrite explained as eloquently as a bulldozer, "This isn't like your job where you can just run to an HR department and have somebody canned because they said your hair looked nice today."

"I've never done that," Jadeite was quick to defend as absentmindedly grabbed at his hair, "And I'll thank you that my job is perfectly challenging and just as stressful as yours."

"Please… you manage an office supply store." Nephrite dismissed the comment as he chugged on his beer, "How hard can that be? Make a few schedules, send some e-mails, talk to some customers and yell at the punk high school kids who always show up late for their shifts. Your job is a fucking picnic compared to mine."

"That's not true!" Jadeite whined as he continued his fish stick task, "It's very detail-oriented. I have to keep a handle on all the sales figures, inventory, payroll and all that stuff! And, _and_, I have two assistant managers to train and develop as well."

"If by "train and develop" you mean "coddle and jerk off"." Nephrite countered.

The elder Shitennou finished his beer in one gulp, crushed the can in his hand, and slammed it down on the kitchen table. The whole table jumped, along with Jadeite's tray of fish sticks and all of his carefully laid geometric shapes became an incomprehensible jumble of scattered seafood. To cap off his triumph, Nephrite belched loudly, shaking liquor bottles stacked on top of the refrigerator.

"You're a jackass." Jadeite said without looking up from his mess and he immediately began rebuilding his shapes.

"Yeah." he admitted and grabbed a second can of High Life out of the fridge without getting out of his chair, "Hey, aren't you home kind of early? I usually beat you."

"I uh … took half a day." Jadeite stuttered, "There wasn't much to do."

"Uh-huh." Nephrite mumbled with a slurp, unconvinced, "You know I heard with this recession your company's stock is taking a pretty sharp tumble."

"I'm not getting laid off if that's where you're going with this." Jadeite assured him.

"No, but you're taking a look into the future." Nephrite continued, "Stock options ain't worth shit when your business is in the tank. Your 401-K is probably hurting and lord knows the office supply game ain't the _"in"_ thing these days. You're looking for a way out."

"That's ridiculous. There's absolutely nothing wrong with my job."

"Right, right." Nephrite patronized, "That's why I've seen CareerLink in your Internet history like a dozen times a day."

Jadeite stopped dead in his preparations looking as though he were ready to either burst into tears or throttle Nephrite to the ground, "You were … you looked at my laptop?"

"I just seize opportunities." Nephrite defended himself, "You usually leave yourself logged into your porn sites."

"You violated my privacy!" Jadeite seethed on the edge of a breakdown. One thing he hated more than any other was when people knew more about him than he wanted them to know.

"Calm down before you have a seizure." Nephrite ordered.

"I should break your fucking hands." Jadeite threatened as he clenched and unclenched his fists around a frozen fish stick.

"You know I'd just beat you silly." Nephrite reminded him, "And you can't impress anyone at a job interview with a broken face."

"Just stay out of my shit, you asshole." Jadeite commanded, "I don't go rifling through all your personal things."

"Hey, what's this?" Nephrite asked, completely ignoring his partner's request and he reached for a manila folder conspicuously hidden under a pile of Jadeite's mail.

"Give me that, you fucking _ASS_!" Jadeite hollered as he practically leaped across the table, overturning his tray of fish sticks again. Nephrite managed to keep the folder out of his hands.

"Oh, look at this!" he announced as he opened the folder and pulled several identical printed sheets of paper out, "What have we here? It's Jadeite's résumé!"

"Give it back!" Jadeite shouted, jumping for the envelope like an elementary school boy on the receiving end of a game of keep-away.

"Let's see what fake name you came up with." Nephrite teased as he read the top line. His expression soured and he shook his head in a disappointed manner. "Jay … Dight? Jesus, dude."

"Screw you. Who cares what my name is?" Jadeite said and managed to snatch the folder back now that Nephrite wasn't trying to keep it away anymore, "Its fucking bullshit that we even have to come up with these asinine fake names."

"Granted, people don't usually name their kids after semiprecious stones, but did you ever try being creative with it?" Nephrite asked, still in shock at his companion's choice of a semi-modern name.

"Yeah. Then I realized I don't care." Jadeite challenged him. "Are you seriously okay with everyone you meet calling you Nick? That _has_ to piss you off to no end."

"This isn't about me." Nephrite reminded him, "It's about you and your complete lack of imagination."

"Fine, fuckwad." Jadeite threw up his hands in defeat, "Come up with a better one."

"Jason Chesterfield." Nephrite said immediately.

Jadeite blinked a few times and said, "Another one."

"Jared McClure."

"Does my fake name necessarily have to start with a J?" Jadeite asked, hoping to trip Nephrite up.

"No, how about Dennis?"

Jadeite shook his head with a disgusted sneer, "Fuck that. Dennis is a sissy name."

"Dennis Hopper might disagree with you." Nephrite warned.

"I was thinking more along the lines of Jack." Jadeite stated proudly.

"No. No fucking way you're cool enough to be Jack." Nephrite disagreed, "And I thought you said you didn't want a J in your name."

"I was just keeping my options open!" Jadeite defended, "And I am too cool enough to be Jack!"

"You would have to buck up to the responsibility of a name like Jack." Nephrite said, "Jack Nicholson alone would kick your ass if you did his name poor justice, to say nothing of Jack Palance."

"Jack Palance is dead." Jadeite recalled

"Doesn't matter." Nephrite replied, "How about Peter?"

"No!" Jadeite immediately shouted, "Then everyone would immediately jump on the phallic reference! I am _not_ a Peter!"

"How about Dick?" Nephrite asked with a sophomoric smirk.

Before Jadeite could answer the door swung open again and Zoisite pranced into the kitchen. His hair was tied back in a messy ponytail and he was carrying an over-stuffed duffel bag on one shoulder. He was wearing some manner of bright, expensive-looking sneakers, ungodly short black spandex running shorts, and a Jaegermeister t-shirt that looked to be from the mid 1980's. He let the bag slide off his shoulder and immediately began to flex in the hallway mirror.

"Christ almighty…" he complained, "The only way I'm ever going to get any definition is if someone throws a dictionary at me."

"Zoisite, you've been working out for a grand total of three days." Nephrite reminded him, "You can't expect results this soon."

"Well pardon me for trying to stay in shape." Zoisite huffed back, "Maybe I don't want to become a broken-down, alcoholic geriatric with such terrible osteoporosis that he can't lift the beer that's slowly killing him without possibly breaking my wrist."

"My bones are fine. I drink plenty of milk." Nephrite said proudly.

"Whatever." Zoisite said and lugged his gym bag into the room.

"Zoisite, how are you paying for your gym membership?" Jadeite asked out of the blue, "You still don't have a job; your savings have to be stretched pretty thin."

"He probably blows the manager daily." Nephrite assumed, grabbing yet another can of beer out of the refrigerator.

"Yeah, that's definitely it." Zoisite said and rolled his eyes heavily. "You know, the last thing I need when I come home is to listen to your mouth, Nephrite."

"Sorry, we live together." Nephrite shrugged. "Kind of comes with the territory."

"Well maybe I should move the fuck out, which would solve a lot of my problems." Zoisite complained petulantly.

"Door's right behind you." Nephrite pointed out without regret.

Zoisite ignored him and dragged his gym bag across the floor towards the living room. He made an inaudible yet decidedly derisive comment about Jadeite's fish stick sculpturing. He glanced at the overflowing sink and immediately his spirits faltered yet another notch.

"Why is there a pair of boots in the sink?" he asked bleakly.

"They're dirty. Also, it's your turn to do the dishes." Nephrite said with a sly smirk, "Clean my boots, bitch."

Zoisite looked to be on the edge of a full-on nervous breakdown. His eyes were rattling in their sockets torn between a scowl and the desire to dive into incessant, childish bawling. Thankfully the situation was saved from escalation by the arrival of Kunzite. As usual he was dressed very well in an expensive gray suit, the jacket of which was slung over his arm. He tossed his briefcase aside, shut the door behind him, and grabbed the last can of beer from the fridge.

"You took the last beer." Nephrite announced.

"Fuck you." Kunzite returned, "You drink more than all three of us and our neighbors put together. I'm not buying."

"I bought last time." Jadeite reminded them as he shoved is tray of mathematically-precise fish sticks into the oven.

"I don't drink that shit anymore with my new diet and exercise routine." Zoisite said proudly, fishing for compliments.

"So today I discovered that thanks to budget cuts and layoffs my vacation time is getting halved." Kunzite told his cohorts, completely ignoring Zoisite's comment and changing the subject to suit his needs in one fell swoop, "I'm down to two weeks and I'm pretty sure they're thinking about dropping my dental coverage."

"Dental coverage?" Jadeite asked, surprised.

"Lips." Nephrite said dryly.

"Fucking hilarious." Jadeite said swiftly and then refocused on Kunzite, "I don't even get dental and I've been working for that place for years!"

Nephrite added his thoughts to the mix: "I have basic life and health. I don't need anything else."

"Until all the alcohol you consume begins to make you go blind." Kunzite said, "Basic health and life doesn't cover glasses, contacts, eye drops, and all that."

"Or maybe your ears will start to go since you listen to all that crushingly loud classic rock through your headphones when you sit at your computer." Jadeite added.

"My body is built to withstand all abuses." Nephrite said and pounded his chest à la Tarzan.

From there the conversation swiftly deteriorated into name-calling and mud-slinging, but at the end there was silence. Jadeite's egg timer went off and he pulled the fish sticks from the oven and everyone began absentmindedly eating them off the scalding hot tray. Kunzite lifted his head from the table and glanced at his forlorn companions.

"Our lives suck." He said.

"You're telling me." Zoisite was the first to agree.

The others largely ignored him, but Kunzite struck up a hopeful tone: "Why don't we all just quit our jobs and start a business of our own?"

"Because that would be the most reckless and expensive thing we'd ever done." Jadeite said as though he were speaking from experience.

"Come on, think about it!" Kunzite pleaded, "No bosses, no schedules."

"No job security." Jadeite muttered.

"No need to use a fake name." Kunzite leaned in and whispered knowingly. Jadeite's brow twitched.

He continued, "We'd be in complete control of our lives! I think the four of us with all of our talents deserve to be the masters of our own fate!"

"What kind of business would we even open?" Zoisite asked as he twirled a fish stick in a heaping sludge pile of ketchup, "Provided any of us made enough money to even think about investing in a new business."

"Liquor store." Nephrite suggested as he gulped down a shot of Jim Beam.

"How about a restaurant?" Jadeite gleefully intoned as he held aloft one of the fish sticks that he thawed and baked all by himself.

"Jesus, that's it!" Kunzite exclaimed and had to restrain himself from leaping from his chair, "That's fucking_ it!_"

"A restaurant? Are you nuts?" Nephrite asked, "Jadeite can barely operate the toaster."

"No, not that!" Kunzite corrected, "Liquor plus food. What does that equal?"

"A restaurant?" Jadeite asked obliviously.

Everyone glanced at Nephrite who generally had all the answers where liquor was concerned. This time, however, he just shook his head and looked as dumbfounded as the rest of the group.

"Nobody just goes to restaurants anymore, they all have gimmicks!" Kunzite explained, "We need to cash in on the craze."

"Spit it out!" Jadeite said, rocking in his chair like an excited six year old.

"We need to open a bar and grill!" Kunzite proudly finished, "A place with a full bar, steak on the menu, and lots of zany shit all over the walls. Hardwood floors, a fireplace, maybe a karaoke stage, it'd be perfect!"

"So you want to rip off, let's see …" Nephrite began and started counting off ticks on his fingers, "TGI Friday's, Applebee's, Chili's, UNO, Ruby Tuesday, and Bennigans?"

"No, this place would be different!" Kunzite continued more excited than usual which was a dangerous sign that he would move ahead with his plans with or without help from the other three, "We would have live music all the time, the best possible food ever with insultingly large portions, more varieties of beer than anyone else. Come on, we can totally do this!"

"What would we call it?" Jadeite asked, "A restaurant is nothing without a name."

"It's a bar and grill!" Kunzite corrected, "And there is only one name we _could_ use."

"What?" they asked him.

"We have to look to our past, back to the days when we were sworn to uphold justice and protect the innocent!" Kunzite announced and if it were possible, a flag would have flapped in the breeze behind him to the soft strains of patriotic melodies, "We must now defend those very same innocents from the tyranny of gimmicky chain restaurants! We will give our bar and grill the same name that was bestowed upon us so many eons ago!"

"Shitennou is not going to go over well." Nephrite said and burped in Kunzite's general direction, "Even you can see that. Come on, I mean _shit_ is part of our name."

"Not Shitennou, you idiot!" Kunzite said, "We'll call it The Four Kings!"

"Sounds like a casino." Jadeite observed and was rewarded with an icy scowl, "But I'm sure it would work in the context of a bar and grill as well … heh heh heh …"

"I give you my word, The Four Kings Bar and Grill will become a reality." Kunzite promised and had he been just a tad more melodramatic he might have stooped to one knee, "I swear it."


	7. Got My Mojo Workin'

In a world of uncertainty, the Shitennou represent the unchanging foundations of humanity: curiosity, resourcefulness, honor, and decency. While the terrible currents of fate may wash away the material works of men, they will eternally guard those untouchable qualities that make our species unique.

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Got My Mojo Workin'

"Hey, check it out guys!" Jadeite called as he rifled through the mail and landed on a large express envelope, "The proofs for our menus came back!"

It was a Friday morning, 9AM. During the normal course of their lives the Shitennou would all have been out of the house at their respective jobs, except for the jobless Zoisite who would have slept until noon and spent at least three hours on Twitter before even considering taking a shower, eating, getting dressed, or doing something remotely resembling work. Today, however, they had all called in sick with the express intention of putting a large dent in their plans to open a bar and grill which Kunzite aptly named The Four Kings.

Nephrite walked into the kitchen from the living room where he had been watching CNN with a tar-black mug of coffee in one hand, stretching and scratching the back of his head with the other. As usual his five-o'clock shadow was pronounced, his hair was a mess, and he was still wearing the same jeans and t-shirt as he had fallen asleep in the night before. The redness of his eyes teetered between traffic light and fire engine.

Zoisite stepped out of the bathroom wearing a towel around his waist and another wrapped around his head. A plume of steam escaped the room along with him and immediately fogged up all the windows in the house. He had a toothbrush jammed in his mouth and he reeked of intense quantities of Axe cologne. He peered over Jadeite's shoulder as his companion struggled to open the envelope which was sealed with an insulting amount of packing tape as if the contents were never meant to be viewed by human eyes again.

"What dumb son of a bitch packed this thing?" Jadeite complained as he pulled every which way trying to get a decent grip on the parcel.

"Man you really are a limp-wrist." Nephrite commented as he sipped at his coffee.

"Dude, some asshole used duct tape to seal a frigging express envelope!" Jadeite shouted and scowled at the piece of mail, "Do you know how infuriating this for someone who deals with UPS shipments on a daily basis?"

"No, and I don't really give a shit." Nephrite answered honestly.

During that, Kunzite jogged down the stairs to join his crew in far better spirits than was customary in the early morning. Kunzite was not much of a morning person and he had a rather violent history of breaking toasters, coffee machines, hair dryers, and other random appliances that "didn't agree with him" in the early hours. Today, however, he was in good form and raring to go, already wide-eyed, coherent, and much more put-together than his cohorts.

Jadeite, still struggling with the envelope, stood up to get a knife out of the drawer but fell straight back down into his seat and cursed loudly. Zoisite jumped back and realized he had been standing on the draping folds of Jadeite's dark blue bath robe.

"Sorry, Jed." He half-heartedly apologized and continued about his task of drying out his hair.

"So let's see these things already!" Kunzite ordered, furiously rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

Jadeite finally managed to tear the now-mangled and unrecognizable envelope open and presented each of the Shitennou with an identical leather-bound menu. On the front cover was a stylized logo embossed with the name "The Four Kings Bar and Grill" written in a bold, eye-catching font. The name surrounded a picture of four playing cards with the faces of the four Shitennou superimposed over those of the kings. Nephrite raised an eyebrow, Kunzite chuckled gleefully, and Jadeite sipped at his orange juice while pondering the situation.

"They totally got my hair wrong!" Zoisite whined as he critiqued the portraits, "I mean, look at this! It looks like I have a celery stalk shooting out of the top of my skull!"

"I think they came out great!" Kunzite announced, practically beside himself.

"They do actually look pretty awesome." Nephrite commented in an unusually positive tone of voice, "I mean, I still like my idea better of the four of us dressed up as Viking lords fighting each other surrounded by a harem of scantily clad mead-wenches … but this works too!"

"Why did I have to be the King of Hearts?" Jadeite asked, pointing at his portrait, "Why did I get stuck being the suicide king?"

"Well somebody was going to get it!" Kunzite replied, "I just gave them the concept, the guys at the printing shop put this all together."

"Yeah, but …" Jadeite continued to pout, "Now whenever customers see me at the restaurant they're going to associate me with the guy sticking the sword through his head. Everyone will think I'm the emo of the group!"

"You mean you're not?" Nephrite asked like the perfect juvenile he was, "I figured it happened after you stapled those impenetrable black sheets over your windows to hide your vampire-like features from the oppressive sun."

"The streetlights outside the house are very bright at night; I can't fall asleep with lights on!" Jadeite defended his actions, "And you should talk Nephrite, you own more knives than a butcher shop!"

"Why would that make me emo?" Nephrite asked, boggled.

"I don't know!" Jadeite confessed in his usual rambling way, "Maybe because you've got more ways to cut yourself than the rest of us?"

"Guys, shut up." Kunzite interrupted the pointless bickering, "We've got to get ready. We're meeting with the realtor today to go shopping for a location."

"I still say we open it right here in the basement." Nephrite suggested as he tossed his spent coffee mug in the sink, "We've got plenty of room and we're in a decent neighborhood. It'd be like _Cheers!_"

"Except remodeling the basement would be a huge expense!" Kunzite said and began ticking off problems on his fingers, "For one, the ceilings are way too low. We all have scars from smashing our skulls of the load-bearing beams. Two, the furnace is exposed and it's as loud as jet. Three, the foundations leak every time it rains. Four…"

"Okay, ass!" Nephrite interrupted, "You made your point, stop drilling it."

"I don't see why we couldn't have applied for a franchise on one of the bigger chain restaurants." Zoisite added as he methodically brushed his hair, "I mean, they come in and set the place up and do all the work for you!"

"Because we want something unique, Zoisite." Kunzite said helpfully.

"And because not all of us are passive and slovenly prima donnas who spend the majority of their days blogging about how many dishes his roommates made the night before and neglected to clean." Nephrite added somewhat less helpfully.

"Once!" Zoisite fumed on the edge of tears, "I did that once!"

"Guys, please!" Kunzite pleaded as he threw down his menu on the table, "I know we can't help being dicks to each other, but can we try to keep it in check today? I _will_ visit legendary pain upon each of you if you can't keep your mouths shut!"

"Yeah, Nephrite!" Zoisite said petulantly and crossed his arms across his chest, almost causing his waist-girding towel to fall off.

Nephrite rolled his eyes like a five-year-old, tapped Jadeite on the shoulder, and stuck his thumb out, pointing at Zoisite as if to say _"Get a load of this!" _Zoisite just shrugged it off and continued brushing away at his penny-blonde mane. Suddenly a knock came at the door and Kunzite jumped in his seat.

"God damn it, he's here!" the minty-haired man announced and leapt from the table, "We've been standing around bickering so much that now we're late! Good job, assholes!"

"Who are these realtors?" Nephrite asked somewhat professionally, "Did you check them out? Do you know anything about the guy they're sending?"

"I know his name is Andrew and he's from Crown Realty, they're like triple-A realtors." Kunzite explained, "They only deal with start-up businesses like us and they have a damn impressive track record when it comes to scouting out prime locations. They're the best I could find."

"My piano teacher's name is Andrew." Jadeite commented uselessly.

"Crown Realty?" Nephrite gagged on the name, "Sounds like the type of place with bars on the windows."

The knock came again and Kunzite raced to the door while simultaneously attempting to shoo the remaining Shitennou out of the kitchen so as to not make them look like a rag-tag group of unkempt misfits. They all stayed firmly glued in their places. Kunzite swung the door open and was met by a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, middle-aged man wearing a $60 dollar gray suit with a blue silk tie and sporting a polite, but decidedly on-edge smile. Kunzite couldn't help but feel that this man felt strangely familiar.

"Hello!" Kunzite greeted cheerfully and shoved his hand out for a shake, "You must be Andrew from Crown?"

Andrew didn't make an attempt to shake Kunzite's hand. He simply stared straight ahead, cleared his throat, adjusted his tie, and suddenly launched directly forward, falling face-first into Kunzite's chest. His hands flailed wildly as they grasped at Kunzite's waist for support. He had to react quickly to keep Andrew from falling and smashing his nose off the concrete stoop.

Then, just as Kunzite was about to question what just happened he understood that Andrew had been shoved from behind when he heard a second voice cry out, "Go on, give him a hug! Kunzite _loves_ hugs!"

Immediately the normally reserved and stoic king degenerated into a whimpering child. Thankfully he would never let those feeling ascend to the surface of his conscious mind, let alone be expressed physically. It was only deep on the inside that he felt the pang of woe, and it only lasted for a moment. His will faltered on occasion, but it never failed. He hoisted the fallen Andrew to his feet, swatted him heartily on the shoulder and glanced behind him to see exactly what he expected to see.

Mamoru was sitting in a wheelchair sporting his trademark confused, but eternally jolly grin. He waved at Kunzite with one hand while rolling one of the chair's wheels with another, driving himself in a tight circle. The wheelchair made a peculiar _rat-a-tat-tat_ noise and Kunzite realized that Mamoru had clothes-pinned a playing card to the axle so it flapped in the spokes of the wheel like a seven-year-old trying to make his bike sound like a motorcycle. He was wearing dark sweatpants, a New York Giants baseball cap, and a green novelty t-shirt that simply said **MOJO**.

"I'm sorry, he insisted!" Andrew squeaked in the tiniest voice possible, sensing that something was bothering his soon-to-be client.

"It's uh, no problem at all!" Kunzite announced and walked forward to greet his master, "What do you say, boss? You're looking, uh … better."

"Yeah!" Mamoru announced and jumped up out of the wheelchair, perfectly limber and healthy. The chair went rolling away, _rat-a-tat-tatting_, "The doctors said I'm like a one in a million to pull such a quick recovery."

Kunzite raised an eyebrow at the vacant wheelchair and asked, "So why did you keep that?"

"Are you serious?" Mamoru asked and almost scowled, but he couldn't quite scrunch his brow far enough so he kind of just made a chipmunk face, "Haven't you ever wanted to have a chair you could _drive?_ A chair with _wheels?_"

Kunzite thought about the rolling chair up his room that he sat in every night. He also thought about the rolling chair in his office at work and all the chairs in the conference rooms which also had wheels. His brain rolled its eyes, which didn't translate to Kunzite's face thanks to his millennia of mental gymnastics to keep that from happening. He simply grinned and nodded his head.

"So what are you doing here?" Kunzite asked and scratched the back of his head, "Do you know Andrew or something?"

"Know him?" Mamoru laughed and launched himself towards Andrew with such blinding speed that even Kunzite's superhuman eyes had trouble keeping up. He screamed "SERGEANT RAM!" and head-butted Andrew square in the ribs. The blonde realtor doubled over in pain, dropping to his knees with a deflated wheeze before toppling to the ground and into the fetal position.

"Of course I know him!" Mamoru cried ecstatically, "I knew him since we were boys. Hell, we even roomed together in college. Sergeant Ram was our handshake at the Delta Kappa Episilon house."

Andrew squirmed pathetically on the ground as Kunzite heavily sighed and Mamoru watched with an awkward grin. The other three Shitennou suddenly crowded through the door and stepped out onto the sidewalk as well. Jadeite traded his blue bath robe for jeans and a black button-down dress shirt. Nephrite was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday and rudely scratched at his crotch while observing the situation. Zoisite was still wearing a towel.

"What the hell happened here?" Zoisite asked in a disapproving tone.

"Looks like Kunzite beat up another Jehovah's Witness." Nephrite assumed.

"That _never_ happened!" the eldest king demanded and threw himself between the line of sight of the other Shitennou and Mamoru. He turned back to his master and reassured him, "It's a joke, just a joke. He uh … tripped."

"Kunzite, Kunzite, Kunzite…" Mamoru sighed as he wrapped his arm around Kunzite's broad shoulder and pulled the reluctant king close to him, "Beating up a Jehovah's Witness isn't something you need to keep from me. Hell, I killed a Tibetan monk once."

"No you didn't!" Kunzite shouted, startled, and in denial.

"I mean, it was an accident!" Mamoru assured him and patted his chest, "See, I was a refugee and this old Tibetan monk found me living in a cave and he was all like, _"Hey, do you want me to train you?"_ and I was all, _"Wow, a real monk! You're probably awesome at martial arts!"_

Mamoru continued rambling: "So we went to this temple and he was like, _"You need to face your fears!"_ and we fought with swords and knives and those little smoke-bomb things. Just, one day we were training and my chi totally got unfocused 'cause I get what they call The Sense and I go berserk to the point I can't stop myself and I accidentally killed him! But as he died he told me, _"You are my greatest pupil and you will use your curse for good!"_ so then I totally went back and burned the temple down because I discovered … they were all vampires!"

The Shitennou all stood dumbstruck for several moments before Kunzite spoke for the rest of them: "Well isn't that something?"

"That never happened." Nephrite spoke in monotone.

"Yes it did!" Kunzite shouted at him, a fake grin plastered over his gritting teeth.

"Dude, no. That's like a drunken mash-up of _Blade, Batman Begins_, and _The Last Dragon_." Nephrite explained as he swatted his flailing hand in Mamoru's direction, "I think that accident took a bit more out of him than he was already missing."

"Hahahahahaa!" Mamoru laughed as if he were at a stand-up routine, "Ah, Neffy! You can always make me laugh!"

"Is that guy gonna be alright?" Jadeite asked, pointing at Andrew who was still moaning on the ground in pain, "It'd be a shame if he died on our front sidewalk."

"If we drag him to the back we could let him die in the garden." Nephrite suggested, "Lord knows we'd save some cash on fertilizer."

"For the love of shit …" Kunzite mumbled, so beside himself and distraught with rage that he was forming terribly inappropriate and confusing vulgarities, "I'll just fucking do it!"

He bent down and retrieved the crumpled form of their realtor off the ground and he stood him upright, brushing off his suit and attempting to slap some sense back into him with a few good body shakes. Andrew woozily came to and managed to support his own weight again, but he looked so terrified that Kunzite actually began to feel a little bad.

"So, are we ready to get this party started?" Mamoru asked excitedly and rolled his hands one over the other like 60's-era evil villain nefariously plotting a dastardly scheme.

"Wait, are you coming with us?" Zoisite asked and clutched at the towel that was barely girding his waist, "Aww, I'm gonna have to get dressed!"

"No, I'm not just coming with you!" Mamoru announced, "I want to be part of this too! I've always wanted to have my own restaurant. I think it would be a like having my own little kingdom to command with salt and pepper shakers as my loyal subjects and an army of forks, knives, and spoons!"

"Acutally, it's a bar and grill." Kunzite explained to the excitable Mamoru.

"Wait, how did you even find out about our plans to open a restaurant?" Zoisite asked.

"Bar and grill." Kunzite corrected again, more forcefully.

"Haha! Because of this!" Mamoru announced and pulled a leather-bound menu out of his back pocket, the same one that had been mailed to the Shitennou earlier.

"Sorry, I opened your mail by mistake again…" Mamoru confessed, "But once I saw it I thought, Wow! I've gotta get in on this! I taped up the envelope again; I didn't want you to get pissed off."

"With duct tape …" Jadeite growled remembering his struggle with the envelope earlier.

"You live on the other side of the city." Zoisite wondered aloud, "How did you accidentally open our mail?"

Kunzite stepped in immediately: "Uh, hey, uh … wow, um… I mean, that's great that you want to help out and all boss, but uh …" he stammered as he tried to think of a good lie to appease his colleagues, "But you see, the thing is we've already kind of got the trademarks and copyrights for "The Four Kings" taken care of. We can't really add a fifth now, heh …"

"Oh, I don't want to own it or anything!" Mamoru reassured him and Kunzite's heart ratcheted back up a few levels from where it previously lay in the pit of his stomach, "No, I was thinking I might just pop in every once in a while like a guest-star. I could even tend bar sometimes! You know I make a wild Screwdriver!"

Kunzite nodded again as his brain threw up all over itself. Kunzite recalled a night of drinking at Mamoru's apartment where the aforementioned Screwdrivers, a hateful concoction of bottom-shelf Vladimir vodka and Sunny Delight, wreaked havoc on their digestive systems and left them with a hangover that persisted for almost two days.

"Well, we can iron out all those details after we find the right place!" Kunzite reassured his master, knowing full well that he would likely forget any interest he had in being a part of their venture after being distracted by something else … like a bouncing ball … "We'd better get on the road before it gets any later!"

"Hell yeah, let's go!" Mamoru shouted and in one motion grabbed Andrew by both ears and shook his head back and forth like a dog, "Quit holding us up, Andy!"

Mamoru spun around on his heels and darted towards Andrew's waiting Ford Expedition. The realtor whimpered and pawed at his now-red ears and sniffed loudly to hold back his tears. He too followed suit and climbed into the driver's seat of the car where, through the windows, the Shitennou could already see Mamoru digging through a tray of CD's for whatever "music" he wanted to listen to.

The Shitennou exchanged glances and Kunzite loudly sighed as if to say "I'm sorry."

Jadeite spoke for all of them: "Look on the bright side: maybe we'll all die in a car accident."


	8. More Songs About Buildings and Food

At a time when politicians and CEO's buy and sell the destinies of millions, the Shitennou are there to quell their greed. Like stalwart dams holding back a flood of corruption, they will fight everlasting their crusade against corporate tyranny and the black arts of politics.

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: More Songs about Buildings and Food

"Gentlemen this is one of the most impressive lots we have up for sale." Andrew spoke as he flipped through his 3-ring binder of real estate notes, "Circa 1935, fully exposed brick and steel construction, exquisite art deco embellishments throughout. It was completely overhauled and updated to modern standards including thermal treatment, central air, fiber optic connections, and a top-of-the-line Brinks security system. The previous owners planned to convert it to a bed and breakfast, but they had to sell due to economic stress."

"It looks like a fancy crack house." Nephrite intoned as gently as a boulder careening through a forest of saplings.

Kunzite's right hand had already balled itself into a fist and pulled back for a thunderous jab to the back of Nephrite's head when he summoned the will to stop himself. The elder king swallowed his pride and considerable anger and turned to Andrew with a schlocky smile plastered over gritting teeth.

"It might be a tiny bit upper-crust for our needs." He stated more eloquently than his boisterous companion.

"Plus I don't know about this whole art deco thing." Jadeite mentioned as he ran a finger over a classic art deco sculpture of a hunched man holding up a pillar that supported the ceiling, "I really don't think I'd be comfortable with all these androgynous statues staring at me all the time."

"Well guys, I mean, I want to see the housing market turn around as much as the next guy, but this is a _seriously_ good deal!" Andrew pitched as hard as he could, "A lot like this should be listing for almost three times as much as we're asking. On top of that, it's in a good part of town, very well located for the type of establishment you want to open, there's an excellent nightlife, and it's a _helluva_ nice building!"

"I like it." Zoisite gave his two cents as he fidgeted in place, obviously bored by the process, "I think we should go with this one."

"Yes, because the prom queen has found a suitable dress, we should just bow to his whims." Nephrite said and took a swig of something from a poorly concealed flask shoved up the sleeve of his leather jacket.

Kunzite's arms flew around the necks of Zoisite and Nephrite and he throttled them down and away from Andrew so he couldn't hear what was being said. They both unsuccessfully tried to wiggle out of the headlock, but Kunzite just tightened his grip and whispered into their ears:

"If you two don't shut your mouths and stop embarrassing me I'm going to eviscerate you right in front of everyone, tie your intestines together, and make you shit out the other person's ass. Got it?"

Zoisite nodded like a disobedient child and Nephrite grinned devilishly as he said, "I'm going to humor you just because that was an excellent threat."

"Wonderful." Kunzite said, painfully slapped each of his compatriots on the back, and spun them all around to face Andrew again, fake smiles in place.

"Like I said Andrew," Kunzite continued right along as though nothing had happened, "The Four Kings Bar and Grill isn't what you'd call the type of establishment to cater to a _"night life." _We don't intend to have neon-colored cocktails, fog machines, and Soulja Boy on repeat. We're shooting for more of a roadhouse kind of feel."

"A, um … a roadhouse?" Andrew asked somewhat confused.

"Yeah man!" Jadeite said excitedly, "Everybody's crazy for Swayze!"

"B- but, I thought… uh…" Andrew said, furiously flipping through his notes, "Ah yes, I have it right here… _"a place with a fully-stocked bar, steak on the menu, and lots of zany shit on the walls." _Not necessarily what I think of when I picture a roadhouse. I see a run-down shanty full of large angry men on motorcycles threatening everyone who walks through the door."

"Well we were doing some brainstorming on the ride over here and we realized something:" Kunzite explained, "The reason people like roller coasters is because it's _controlled danger_. There's always the risk you'll go flying off the tracks and die, but there's enough safety precautions in place that it's a pretty slim chance, but still, it _could_ happen!"

He continued: "We figure that we could translate that same controlled danger aspect to a restaurant setting! You know, still make it a nice place to go eat, but always have that possibility that a biker gang is going to ride up and throw a Molotov cocktail through the window."

"Or someone could bust in with a shotgun and shoot the place up." Nephrite said.

"Or a group of college students could show up with a horde of zombies on their tail and everyone would have to defend the roadhouse from the undead apocalypse!" Jadeite said, practically feverish with excitement.

"Don't forget a naked T-1000 from the future showing up asking for clothes." Nephrite reminded them.

"That too!'

"Ok, enough!" Andrew shouted, scratching at the side of his head with a pen, "I don't believe the words I'm hearing right now. Are you people even serious about starting up this business, or are you just wasting my time?"

Kunzite stepped up into Andrew's personal space and the real estate agent shrank into himself like a turtle retreating into its shell. The imposing Shitennou laid a hand on Andrew's shoulder and spoke soothingly:

"My dear boy, we have never been more serious about anything in our entire existence. Now how about you flip open that big binder of yours _way_ to the back and find us a more suitable location? It'd be a shame to have to call up another agency this late in the game, especially since we like you so much."

"Uhhhhh…." Andrew groaned and fumbled with both his glasses and the binder as he opened to a page buried so far in the back of the book that the ink was starting to fade off the page, "There's a few dilapidated prefab warehouses out by the interstate we could check out."

"Perfect!" Kunzite shouted and threw his arm around Andrew, "To the Jeep!"

The fivesome shuffled outside and began climbing into the large Explorer when the Shitennou all stopped in unison like a stereotypical group of soldiers in a war flick that all just heard the same thing at the same time. Kunzite glanced at each one of them in turn, then to Andrew, and then to the vacant passenger's seat where someone of rather great importance to them should have been sitting.

"Guys." Kunzite said and shook his head worriedly, "Where's Mamoru?"

* * *

Mamoru was largely unaware of his status as the lynchpin upon which the natural ebb and flow of the world hung aside from the occasional correct prediction about the weather. Kunzite once remarked that it would be far more dangerous to the planet to have Mamoru understand his power, such as being able to alter the natural rhythms of the earth at any given time, and so the Shitennou were content for their master to remain ignorant of his true purpose unless the knowledge was absolutely necessary for the salvation of all mankind. Thankfully no doomsday events loomed on the horizon…

Mamoru was not necessarily dumb as his academic achievements would prove, but he did possess very little in the way of common sense. That coupled with a child-like curiosity of the world around him, a personal vibe of cheerfully blind optimism, and a love of shiny objects made him somewhat of a liability to the four immortal creatures whose sole purpose was to protect and serve him.

So it came is no great surprise that while the Shitennou were inside the opulent art deco building being bludgeoned with factoids about wrought-iron railings that Mamoru wandered away from their Jeep in the direction of a very attractive glint of silver coming from the front window of a fitness club almost two blocks away. Pulled towards the shiny thing like a moth to an open flame, he stepped out into traffic twice, nearly caused two accidents, and came close to severe bodily harm both times. His single-minded resolve did not falter despite a wailing cacophony of horns, screeching tires and rude comments shouted at full volume and soon he stood in front of a plain-looking concrete building with several large windows and a sizeable pastel billboard that read "Luna Gym," the G being a stylized crescent moon.

As he stood slack-jawed and practically drooling on the sidewalk he watched as a young woman, no more than 20 years old, ran on a treadmill. She was slim and fit, with impossibly huge blue eyes and glistening blonde hair tied in pigtails that were simply too long, but she managed to pull it off. Beautiful as she was, he wasn't even registering her presence. He was simply transfixed by the prismatic light show the sun was producing from reflections off a silver hex-shaped crystal pendant she wore around her neck. It jumped and tousled through the air as she ran, bouncing off her ample chest and breaking up rays of sunlight into a prismatic light show that apparently only Mamoru found so rapturous.

As she finished her jog and popped the out the ear buds of her iPod, she stepped down off the treadmill and finally noticed the strange, salivating man with mismatched clothes and oily raven hair staring at her from the street and she stumbled backwards with as start. As she moved away from the window and out of the sunlight, the crystal pendant around her neck stopped sparkling and Mamoru snapped out of his trance and suddenly came to the realization he was being mildly voyeuristic. His face flushed immediately and it became more difficult to swallow. Instead of shuffling off down the street to preserve some dignity or at least attempt a proper social introduction, he simply pulled one of his hands out of his pockets and childishly waved at the girl through the glass.

She raised an eyebrow at him, looked around the gym presumably for hidden cameras that were capturing such an awkward moment, and then glanced back at him again where he still stood flapping his hand back and forth like he was some sort of wind-up toy. The blonde girl relaxed her hesitant and surprised expression and politely waved back assuming the man was just in the wrong place at the wrong time… or the right place at the right time she thought devilishly, knowing full well that she was an attractive young woman. She didn't give it a second thought as she moved to the back of the gym to get in a few reps with the free weights.

About an hour later she walked out of the gym with her bag slung over her shoulder and a towel around her neck which she was still using to dab the sweat off her forehead and she ran headlong into something that she assumed was a telephone pole. She jumped up off the ground mentally scolding herself for being so clumsy. It was an unfortunate trait she was trying desperately to rid herself of and she looked up to stare menacingly at the intruding pole just to make herself feel better when instead of a thick stalk of wood she saw something with similar characteristics but who was decidedly human. Mamoru waved at her again and grinned.

"You have a really pretty necklace!" he gushed with all the delight of a child who was just told to pick out a shiny new toy.

"Umm…" she stalled for time trying to think of an appropriate response for this terribly energetic but seemingly very simple man, "Thank you. I've had this old thing forever."

Mamoru just nodded his head enthusiastically and stared in unrequited amazement at the pendant as it glittered and sparkled where it hung against her chest in the setting sunlight. The girl fidgeted slightly as she watched his eyes roam, not to where most guys' lecherous gazes would leer, but as they simply danced with delight as the crystal pendant produced its light show. She breathed out softly, almost a chuckle, and stuck out her hand in front of her.

"My name's Usagi." She introduced herself with a polite smile.

Mamoru had to think for a moment about what his proper response was but then he grabbed her hand and shook it vigorously, "I'm Mamoru. Usagi means rabbit in Japanese!"

"Yeah it does." she replied squinting at him slightly, "Mamoru is a Japanese name too, isn't it."

He nodded furiously.

"Small world, huh?" she giggled, "Are you original from Japan?"

"Maybe." Mamoru replied very simply, "I don't remember, but I took a Japanese class in school just in case."

"Really? You took Japanese?" Usagi asked, amused by Mamoru's odd behavior.

"Yeah. I majored in language studies." He told her and absentmindedly said the same thing through sign language which practically mesmerized her, "I can speak Japanese fluently and like, German, Spanish, Italian, French, uhh… Chinese, Portuguese, Vietnamese, mmm… lots of 'ese's."

Usagi blinked incredulously and shook her head, "You can't really speak all those languages."

"Well some of them are kind of hard to actually make the noises 'cause I guess my mouth isn't built to speak it." Mamoru said with a shrug, "But I can understand pretty much all of them."

"That's just unbelievable." she said, truly in disbelief.

"Yeah, I don't know how I do it. It just comes really easy." Mamoru confessed, "I didn't get enough time to really learn all the ones I wanted because of my other major in world cultures."

"You _double_ majored?" she stuttered, "With all those languages you studied? What are you a savant or something?"

Mamoru laughed heartily at her and cheerfully said, "I don't know what that means!"

"How can…" she began and then stopped herself from _"saying someone so dumb be so smart" _and bit her lip, "Wow. I'm impressed."

"Yeah, I'm hoping to finish up my world cultures master thesis soon, then it's off to med school, but I kind of got sidetracked this new project I'm working on." Mamoru told to a practically stunned Usagi.

"Med school?" she asked distantly and then refocused herself, "Oh, uh… what kind of project?"

"I'm opening a restaurant!" he almost shouted.

"A restaurant?" she asked, more amused by this strange man by the minute, "Really? What kind of restaurant would a soon-to-be med student with a master's degree in world cultures open?"

"Well it's not just me; my four best friends and I are doing it!" Mamoru explained as he held up four fingers just in case Usagi needed a visual aid, "Well, really it's _their_ restaurant, but I'm helping out."

"I see…" she thought out loud, "So where is this restaurant?"

"Well it's not built yet." He explained, "That's why we're out today. My buddy Andrew is trying to find us a good building, er, _location_ to set up shop in."

"Oh, are you guys all like looking separately or something?" she asked.

"No."

She smiled at him and nudged him a little farther, "So where are they?"

"Oh! Uh…" Mamoru stalled and looked around at the buildings, lights, and street signs near him and suddenly realized he didn't know where he was, "I really don't know to tell you the truth. I guess back at whatever building we were looking at."

"What made you wander down here then?" Usagi asked and flirted harmlessly, "Did you see something you liked?"

"Yeah, actually!" Mamoru said giddily and pointed at her pendant again, "I saw your necklace sparkling in the window and just had to get a closer look. It really is really, really pretty!"

Usagi almost rolled her eyes, her flirt having no effect and simply said again, "Thank you again. I guess it is pretty cute."

Then, he did something she didn't expect. He reached out his right hand and laid two fingers on the face of the silver pendant and almost immediately something about him changed, as if the shell of this flighty, easily amused young man simply fell away to reveal something else underneath. His dark eyes flashed with intense brightness, his expression steeled itself, and the admiration she saw on his face went far beyond a simple-minded fascination of things that sparkle.

"In fact it's the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes upon…" he spoke in a deeper, calmer, almost completely different voice than he had before as his eyes slowly moved up to meet hers.

Usagi was breathless where she stood and felt almost paralyzed; unable to turn away from the engaging, penetrating gaze of this complete stranger whom she felt was now peering deep into her soul. Familiarity spread across her like a warm breeze and to any passers-by it would have looked as if they had known each other their whole lives. When she finally managed to regain control of herself she laid a hand on his and very gently moved herself and her silver pendant away from his gentle touch.

"It's getting kind of late." She said softly, "I really should be getting home before my roommate starts lighting up my phone about being late for dinner."

"Yeah I know what you mean." Mamoru agreed with her, completely back to his air-headed self as though the past few moments never happened, "I wouldn't want to hang around here at night. It looks like it would be spooky."

She laughed and he did the same upon hearing her. Even in light of being mildly freaked out by Mamoru's sudden drastic change in behavior a few moments prior she hazarded another question, "So when you guys open your restaurant you're going to need to hire a few waitresses, right?"

"I hadn't really thought about that." Mamoru replied scratching his head, "I guess I just assumed we would run the whole thing by ourselves."

"Oh, well that's just asking for trouble." She told him, "I mean, if you're all friends I'm sure you'll always be fighting with each other over little things like how to fold the napkins. You don't want to do _everything_ yourselves!"

"Ummm…" Mamoru droned dumbly.

"Here, we'll do this." Usagi said and pulled a pen out of her purse and a scrap of paper which looked to be a receipt from a gas station and she scribbled down her cell phone number, holding it up for Mamoru to take, "You call me when you guys get rolling. I'm kind of unemployed at the moment and it sounds like this restaurant of yours might be a fun place to work, I mean if your friends are anything like you."

"Well I dunno if they're like me, but we all get along pretty well!" Mamoru announced happily and lifted the paper from Usagi's hand, "Thanks!"

"Sure thing." She replied and grabbed her cell phone to check the time. "Well, I gotta run. It was nice meeting you, Mamoru."

"You too!" he sort of squeaked as she turned and started walking away from him.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw his gaze fall upon her silver necklace again and she reactively clutched it to her chest with one hand, stroking it softly. She smiled over her should at him one more time and shuffled off around the corner, taking a brisk stroll to her apartment a few blocks away. She tapped a few buttons on her cell phone and the caller ID screen lit up with the name "Mina" and she put the phone to her ear.

After a few rings the voice of Mina asked, "'Sup bitch?"

Usagi giggled slightly and informed her best friend, "Dude, you _need _to hear about this guy I just met…"

* * *

"Mamoru!" Nephrite exclaimed as he pointed at a bright blue mailbox perched on the sidewalk drifting by as the Jeep rolled through town, "There he is!"

"That joke wasn't funny the last seven or eight times you said it." Kunzite told his comrade and continued scanning the streets for any sign of his lost lord.

"Could you really tell the difference?" Nephrite joked again.

"Watch it, dude." Jadeite warned and pointed at Kunzite with his thumb, "He's going into _"fearless leader"_ mode on us. You know how he gets."

"What is it with you people and Mamoru?" Andrew asked disgustedly as he drove them through the rapidly darkening city streets in search of the missing man, "It's like nobody can stand to be around the guy, but you're forcing yourselves to watch out for him. Are you in debt to him or something?"

"Something like that." Kunzite cryptically replied.

"Well whatever it is, I'm not going to spend my whole night trucking your asses around trying to find a runaway asshole of an ex-roommate." Andrew declared venomously and scratched his nails across the steering wheel.

"Wow dude, I liked you a lot better this morning when you were afraid to even fucking speak." Nephrite told their unfortunate driver.

"Not to mention he spent a good chunk of this morning lapsing in and out of consciousness in our front yard." Zoisite added.

"Yeah? Well anyone can get a little cranky after he spends twelve hours with a pack of twenty-something misfits, showing them the best real estate money can buy only to be told they're looking for something more along the lines of a run-down textile mill, not an upscale dining establishment." Andrew hotly prattled.

"There he is." Kunzite suddenly said and pointed straight ahead of them towards a large concrete building with a sign that read "Luna Gym."

"That's a lamp post, dude." Nephrite joked yet again, but this time Kunzite simply toned him out; his door was already open and he was halfway out of the Jeep shouting after Mamoru.

"Hey, boss!" Kunzite called as he jogged through traffic to get to Mamoru's side, slightly perturbed that they had been led on a citywide search, but more relieved than anything.

"Hey, how's the house hunting going?" Mamoru asked in his perpetual daze.

"Good, good. We're going down to the industrial area to check on a few prospects." Kunzite explained in a rush, "Where did you wander off to?"

"Oh, I met this girl; she was working out at this gym." Mamoru explained and ran in place to demonstrate that the girl in question was on a treadmill when he found her, just in case the Shitennou needed a visual aid, "She was wearing this awesome necklace; you should've seen it!"

"You met a girl?" Zoisite balked, "That's unlike you."

"She gave me this!" he announced and held up his little slip of paper with Usagi's phone number scribbled on it. The four kings leaned in to read the digits and there was an almost imperceptible but collective gasp.

"Hell yeah!" Neprhite hooted and slapped Mamoru hard on the shoulder as manly as he possibly could, "You got her number, dude! Fuckin'-A right!"

"Mamoru had a meaningful social interaction with a female!" Jadeite congratulated him slightly less manly than Nephrite.

"Shut up." Kunzite ordered and stepped between Mamoru and the other three, looking past the goofy exterior of his prince to see the soul beneath, "Tell me about that necklace again, boss."

"Oh yeah man, it was this bright and shiny and sparkly _silver_ crystal pendant …" Mamoru began to describe the pendant in every intricate detail and Kunzite's teeth suddenly set on edge at the mention of it being silver. His mind began to race and he had to take a step back from Mamoru as he continued babbling about it.

"Hey!" Andrew's irate voice from their Jeep suddenly screamed, "I got shit to do! Grab his ass, haul him in here, and let's get this circle-jerk wrapped up so I never have to see or hear any of you monstrosities again!"

"Hey Andy!" Mamoru called, practically leaping towards the SUV, "Fire up that CD player, I got me a strong jonesin' for some Bowie!"

With Mamoru out of earshot Kunzite quickly herded his compatriots together and gave them each a look which could only be described as, and mind you this is a word that occurs extraordinarily infrequently in the vernacular of the eldest king, fear.

"What's wrong?" Jadeite asked, genuinely worried.

"A silver crystal?" Kunzite asked with all seriousness, "Didn't you guys hear him say the girl was wearing a pendant with a _silver_ crystal?"

"So? A good percentage of women prefer silver to gold." Zoisite interjected.

"That's not what I mean you fuck-up!" Kunzite snapped in his masterly authoritative tone of voice, "I think he may have actually come across _the_ Silver Crystal. It would explain why he would have wandered off the way he did. He's drawn to it."

"Or maybe our beloved master and savior of the planet just really likes bright, shiny objects!" Nephrite suggested and raised an eyebrow to Kunzite's inference.

"The odds of that happening are-" Jadeite started but was cut off by Kunzite.

"Odds have nothing to do with this." He barked, "It's destiny

"Even if he did come in contact with the Silver Crystal, so what?" Zoisite asked seriously, "He's still the same big, dumb, oafish imbecile he was before; he just got his fix of sparkly things for a while. Buy him a prism and he'll forget all about it."

"You remember what happened." Kunzite stated grimly and Zoisite turned his eyes away after a few moments, "Master and the _ginzuishou_ are a dangerous combination. Last time the planet nearly tore itself apart! We were very nearly sucked into an inescapable abyss and everything we've been sworn to protect was almost utterly destroyed."

Kunzite continued, "Once the cycle begins it is irrevocable. Destiny must see itself through or else everything stops and the universe unravels at the seams. We cannot let the cycle begin again. We have to keep an even more watchful eye on him now."

"If he's already been around the Silver Crystal isn't it already too late?" Zoisite asked glancing back at the Jeep where Mamoru was jamming out to _"Starman."_

"No, they didn't recognize each other. Something was missing." Kunzite said.

"What?"

"This." He answered and pulled his fist out of his coat pocket and opened his palm skyward to reveal a perfect twin to Usagi's necklace: a bright, shining, hex-shaped pendant only instead of silver this one was made of pure gold and it glistened like the rays of the sun.

"Jesus Fucking Christ!" Nephrite gasped and mouth hung open for a few moments, "What the hell are you doing with that?"

"Keeping my master safe is what I'm doing with it." Kunzite answered.

"The Golden Crystal is Endymion's to possess." Zoisite reminded the elder king as soothingly as he could, "Does he know that you've been carrying it this whole time?"

"He doesn't even know what it is!" Kunzite snapped and shoved the Crystal back into his pocket, "Endym-… I mean … Mamoru doesn't _need_ to know what it is. He needs to live his life free of the burdens he was forced to bear in the past. He shouldn't have to worry about regulating this world when we're perfectly capable of doing it for him. I … I just want him to be happy."

"Out of all of us, dude." Nephrite spoke almost disappointedly, "I always pegged you the least likely to do something like this. Protecting him is one thing, but you're just flat out lying to him _and_ yourself."

"I'm not going to argue about this at dusk in the middle of the city with him sitting in a god damned truck ten feet away bleeding his eardrums out with that shit." Kunzite roiled and let his displeasure with David Bowie be known, "Let's just get moving. We'll talk about this later."

He stormed off to the waiting Jeep, affixing his fake smile as he walked. Zoisite followed in behind leaving Jadeite and Nephrite to bring up the rear. Jadeite glanced up towards the stars which were just beginning to wink into existence in the gathering twilight and he sighed heavily.

"What's wrong with you, now?" Nephrite asked roughly.

"Nothing." Jadeite sighed again and dropped his arms to his sides, "I thought we were done with all this bullshit. I thought for once in my frigging life Iwas going to be normal and not have to worry about anything but mundane … human stuff."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." The older king replied and gave an encouraging nod of the head, "You should do what I do."

"What?"

"Just put it in its place, kid." Nephrite suggested with a hearty slap to Jadeite's shoulder, "Now let's go get stumbling drunk and try to build us a restaurant."

Jadeite smiled slightly and the two companions moved towards the Jeep and climbed in as Andrew performed a mostly flawless 3-point turn and drove them into the night and into the awaiting arms of destiny once again.


	9. Cheeseburger in Paradise

Across barriers both cultural and geographic the Shitennou stretch their metaphysical arms of nurturing protection. Together they create an unseen safety net that cradles and supports the entire planet with all her varied array of life. They weave the threads of nature to create the entire tapestry of the ever-changing world.

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Cheeseburger in Paradise

"You look like something the Hamburgler shit out." Nephrite said to Jadeite who was standing nearby covered head-to-toe in a thick, brown, sludgy paste courtesy of a temperamental deep-fryer.

"Yeah, you look great." Jadeite returned as he toweled his face of the oily sludge.

"I told you it needed at least 24 hours of initial warm-up and acclamation time before you could replace the oil and fry up whole frigging chicken." Zoisite told the pair with a knowing grin and a poor imitation of their voices: "But hell no! Don't listen to Zoisite, he doesn't know his dick from a deep fryer! He's just a lazy-ass prima donna fuck-head! He isn't manly enough to understand the intricate workings of such a machine! What the hell did I tell you, bitches?"

"You only knew that because you read the manual." Nephrite informed him as he fiddled with temperature dials on the stainless steel contraption.

"Yeah, _I read the fucking manual!_" Zoisite screeched and slapped a hand to his forehead, "What a novel idea! Read the rule book before you pretend you know how to play the game, Jesus Christ! You could have saved three hours worth of clean-up and repair _and_ saved Jadeite a few second-degree burns!"

"More like third…" Jadeite whined as he pawed at a burn on his left elbow.

"A man doesn't need instructions when he has intuition." Nephrite stated philosophically, "And it's better to learn from your mistakes, anyway. Christ, Zoisite you of all people should know that considering the Sherpa-sack full of regrets you haul around."

"Fuck you, Nephrite." Zoisite pouted and crossed his arms.

"We just about ready to fire that thing up?" Kunzite asked poking his head through the door. His trademark silver-white hair was pulled back in a ponytail for the first time in centuries.

"Please don't say fire …" Jadeite complained again as he nursed another grease burn on his forehead.

"Twist up some ice in your panty-bunch and knock off the cry-fest, Jed." Nephrite suggested as he dropped a basket into the deep fryer full of frozen french fries and they immediately began sizzling, "Hoo-Ah! We got heat!"

"Three hours later." Zoisite remarked and rolled his eyes.

"Come on, seriously." Kunzite pleaded and walked into the room. He was wearing a white dress shirt half-unbuttoned with a matching black jacket and pants and looking very classy, "The city health inspector is going to be here to white-glove this place and we're nowhere near ready!"

"We're getting there." Zoisite said with a yawn and waved him off.

Nephrite added, "Yeah and you know, here's a novel idea: since you, how should I say, _stole_ the Golden Crystal from Mamoru -the sacred birthright of our master Endymion, steward of the planet- just so he wouldn't have to "worry" about it, you might try pitching in on a little of this grunt work yourself so we insignificant peons also don't have to worry so much."

"I told you I'm not discussing that until the inspections are done, the restaurant is opened and we get everything running smoothly." Kunzite growled and drew the palm of his hand across his face, "So if you want to talk about it then get your asses in gear, work on your checklists and let's get this place rolling. Okay?"

"Yeah. Fine." Nephrite huffed and turned away to attend to the bubbling fryer.

Kunzite frowned and his shoulders slumped. The unhappy business of Mamoru and Kunzite's choices were problem enough, but the eldest king had far too much other business on his plate with all the deeds, loans, and applications being in his name and all. The building they managed to find to house the Four Kings Bar and Grill wasn't in poor condition, but he felt it still needed work to get up to spec. True to their intentions, they found an old warehouse that fit the "roadhouse" feel complete with petrified wooden floorboards, exposed heating & ventilation ducts, and a permanent musty odor reminiscent of cigars and the inside of an old refrigerator.

Most of the tables in their restaurant were round slabs of heavy wood bolted to the top of wooden barrels surrounded by sturdy-looking stools. The bar was a long J-shape inlaid with brass with a library-sized shelf behind it holding a myriad of liquors and glasses. The walls were covered with assortments of oddities and baubles including vinyl records, photographs, license plates, bumper stickers, and other assorted paraphernalia. Several ceiling fans rotated creakily from above. There was a shuffleboard table, two pool tables, and dart boards located in one corner, a jukebox in another, and bathrooms which according to Nephrite accommodated "room for your ass and a gallon of gas." The whole building was lit with a dull gaslight glow. In short: a den of manliness.

The deep-fryer was the last addition to the kitchen whose other accoutrements included a huge walk-in cooler and meat freezer, grills and ovens. In the back behind the building Nephrite had installed two wood fired barbecue pits which he had declared would be his domain and his alone. For the last three days he had been spending nights at the restaurant locked in a storage closet secretly mixing his supposedly award-winning barbecue sauce. Not only were the ingredients a closely guarded secret, but he maintained the declaration that nobody could even witness its preparation, leading the other Shitennou to believe that in some way Nephrite was breaking a law while preparing the sauce.

"Holy shit dude, I'm getting pretty pumped about this!" Jadeite announced and slammed his fist into his palm in excited anticipation.

"Well fucking wipe all this shit down again if you're so excited!" Kunzite ordered and turned towards Nephrite, "You, hit up the bar and make sure the guns are working and that the CO2 levels are normal." He turned to Zoisite, "You go top off the salt & pepper shakers and run the broom over the floor again."

"Hey, Wolfgang _Fuck_." Nephrite said annoyed and poked Kunzite in the shoulder blade, "You seriously need to chill the hell out. We've been at this for weeks; the place looks as good as it's gonna get. A little speck of dirt here or there isn't going to matter as long as we don't have salmonella running around all over the place."

"Yeah well most business ventures fail because people get lazy." Kunzite responded and grabbed a rag hanging near the kitchen's large sink and started absentmindedly scrubbing the stainless steel counters, "I put a lot of hard work into this place and I'm not going to let it go to shit because you guys don't feel like wiping down the tables!"

"I dunno man, I'm with Neph on this one." Jadeite agreed with a slightly nervous leer, "You've been hitting this thing on all cylinders and it's really inspirational, don't get me wrong, but you've got to calm down or you're gonna burn out."

"Yeah, Kunzite." Zoisite added, "And I'm sure this whole thing with Mamoru and the _kinzuishou_ has to be eating away at you pretty bad."

"I'm going to politely ask all three of you one final time not to bring that up again before I start locking people in the meat freezer." Kunzite threatened though with not as much gravitas as normal, the stress of his restaurateuring getting the better of him.

Suddenly a knock came at the front entrance of the bar which rattled the chain-and-padlock security system loudly and snapped the Shitennou to attention. Kunzite shoved his buffing cloth into the back pocket of his pants and started flailing his arms, gesticulating to the other three to move to their designated places around the restaurant and prepare for their arriving guest. With a tug of his cuffs and a hand through his scalp, Kunzite practically leaped across the floor and started unlocking the front door.

"Man he is really getting off on this, isn't he?" Jadeite asked his two colleagues who were standing behind the bar leaning in various positions.

"Our _fearless leader_ needs to be in charge of something or else is skull might collapse from the vacuum of his deflating ego." Nephrite responded with an unsavory sneer.

"You don't need to be so harsh on him, dick." Zoisite reprimanded the elder king, "He's always been like this: a little bit obsessive."

"A little bit?" Nephrite asked, "Is that the excuse we're going to use about the delightful little Golden Crystal issue? Kunzite is just so obsessive about protecting Mamoru that he's _stealing_ his birthright?"

"I don't think he stole anything, Nephrite." Jadeite attempted to soothe his belligerent companion, "This is Kunzite we're talking about; the man who calls the library to give them a heads-up when he's going to be returning a book a day late."

"Whatever you think Jed, I have my own suspicions." Nephrite answered.

"Suspicions?" Zoisite gasped, "What the hell is this going to turn into some kind of criminal investigation with you now?"

"I just want to hear _his_ explanation from _his_ own mouth." Nephrite replied and nodded that Kunzite was about to open the door, "Until then I'm taking everything he says and does with a grain of salt."

The chains and heavy push-bar latch rattled and clanked as Kunzite swung the front door of the Four Kings Bar and Grill open to the windy, rainy outside world. A woman stepped in wearing a tan trench and coat shaking droplets of water off her umbrella. Her other hand held a leather satchel stuffed with papers and several pens poking out the top. Kunzite took her umbrella and satchel for her and she vigorously shook the rain off her coat not unlike a wet dog coming in from a swim.

"Hello, what's this?" Jadeite asked in a perky tone when he noticed their female guest.

"Kunzite didn't say the health inspector was a woman!" Nephrite said enthusiastically and straightened his posture at the bar.

"Amazing what a little bit of estrogen does to some people's moods." Zoisite remarked with a roll of his eyes, not bothering to remove his chin from its perch in the palm of his hand.

"It would work on you too if you weren't such a brazen cock-wrangler." Nephrite jabbed to which Zoisite inwardly growled and furnished no reply.

Kunzite led their guest towards the bar running his mouth at a startling rate, jabbering about cleanliness, presentation, sanitary practices, and all manner of technical drivel somehow relating to the abrasive properties of steel wool. The woman nodded in reply but seemed largely uninterested in what Kunzite had to say and indeed it seemed she was making a bee-line for the bar. Nephrite had already noticed and tactfully shoved Zoisite and Jadeite away.

"… which is why I eventually decided to swap out the entire stock of orange-based cleaners for lemon-based cleaners; more acidity!" Kunzite ended his tirade as they reached the bar, "So where do you want to start?"

"How about we start with these gentlemen?" the woman spoke in a voice that couldn't be described as husky, but with a distinct masculine edge. She met eyes with Nephrite, eyes that were large and green behind a pair of thick-rimmed DKNY glasses.

"Oh, right!" Kunzite agreed and delivered a subtle glance to the rest of the shitennou to get on their best behavior, "These are the co-owners of this—"

"So you're the other 'four kings' I take it?" the woman cut Kunzite off which completely threw him off balance, "So what makes you guys kings, exactly?"

"Huh?" Nephrite asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Never mind." She stated and adjusted her glasses, "Show me your hands."

"Who, me?" Nephrite asked again and looked around.

"All of you, hands up on the bar." The suddenly demanding woman ordered a second time, "No gloves if you have them, I need to see under your nails."

"Wait, I thought you're the health inspector?" Jadeite asked confused.

"I am."

"So what, you're inspecting _us_?" he asked, pointing at his own chest, "I thought you inspect the building and stuff, not people."

"Yeah, I think they call those kinds of health inspectors _doctors_." Zoisite added.

"Guys, don't argue." Kunzite pleaded looking just as confused as everyone else.

"A clean restaurant starts with clean fingernails." She said with an authoritative tone, "It's an old department proverb. Now give me your hands."

The Shitennou traded quizzical glances and sheepishly placed their hand on the bar for inspection. Kunzite offered as genuine a smile as possible given the strange situation. The others coughed and fidgeted in place as they waited for the young woman to do whatever she needed to do. She was staring at them, all of them, in her collective gaze and a knowing smile appeared on her face and she laughed out loud.

"Man, you guys are gullible!" she snickered and pulled a cigarette out of a pack in her coat pocket and ignited it with a silver Zippo lighter in the same motion.

"Uh…" Jadeite mouthed in utter confusion.

"Alright, let's get this shit-show over with." The woman announced and retrieved a clipboard from her leather satchel which Kunzite was still holding.

"Pardon me, miss." Kunzite said with a slight edge of annoyance, "But I'm pretty sure it's state law that smoking is prohibited in all dining establishments."

"True." The woman said slyly and blew a puff of smoke in his face, "But this place isn't a dining establishment until _I_ say it is."

"And just who _are_ you?" Zoisite asked in an assaulting tone like a cat with its fur standing on end.

"Lydia Tanner." She replied evenly, not at all swayed by Zoisite's attempt at intimidation, "My friends call me Lita. You can just call me Lydia. Ms. Tanner would also be fine."

"How about cutthroat bitch?" Jadeite whispered under his breath and over his shoulder to Nephrite who stifled a chuckle.

"You could call me that, I've had worse." Lita replied with a grin, impressively hearing the young Shitennou's practically inaudible comment, "Of course I could also make a note here that I watched you piss in the dishwasher."

"I did no such thing!" Jadeite was quick to defend himself although obviously shaken that his remark was heard.

"I know, I'm threatening you." The vicious health inspector replied and turned to Kunzite, "Remarkably perceptive, this bunch. You must be very proud."

"As a peacock." Kunzite replied dejectedly.

"Well the rest of you all look like you have insane amounts of work to do." Lita continued her verbal barrage against the other three, "I'm sure that section of floor would just leap up and streak for the border if you weren't holding it in place."

"The bitch of it is we get paid for it." Nephrite replied attempting to level the playing field slightly with a jab of his own.

"Well maybe if you're lucky you'll earn some more money with this dive once I make my rounds." She replied and extinguished her half-smoked cigarette on the bar making sure to messily spread the ashes around, "Oh look at that! Cigarette on the bar. Doesn't look good to a health inspector."

She jotted something down on her clipboard which all the Shitennou craned their necks to read, but couldn't. She chuckled to herself and ushered Kunzite toward the doors of the kitchen and started firing off questions about sanitation practices at machine-gun speed. They disappeared behind the swinging doors and the three remaining Shitennou were left alone in nearly stunned silence.

"Well she's a singular delight." Jadeite remarked and resumed leaning on the bar.

"I would do terrible things to her." Nephrite said almost dreamily.

"So would I. What a bitch." Zoisite agreed, "Like a shovel to the head, right?"

"No, I meant I'd do terrible things to her _in bed_." Nephrite corrected.

"You can't be serious." Zoisite balked, "She'd probably cut you or worse."

"Dude, I'll deal with a little S&M if I got a crack at that." Nephrite replied with a lustful flare in his voice, "And she's tall, too; just my type. My God if I could get her down to nothing but a pair of boots… she could dig her nails into me, fucking bite me. I don't really give a shit."

"Wow dude, getting way too heavy in here." Jadeite remarked somewhat shaken even in light of his own perversions.

"Seriously that's just gross." Zoisite added, "I don't know what you could possibly see in her. She's like the Simon Cowell of health inspectors."

Nephrite and Jadeite turned to face him, confused expressions shared.

"What?"

"Who the fuck is Simon Cowell?" Nephrite asked.

"What, are you serious?" Zoisite asked back.

"No, I'm just exercising my tongue." Nephrite answered with a roll of his eyes.

"I have no idea who you're talking about either." Jadeite agreed.

"He's the cocky British judge on _American Idol_!" Zoisite told the pair in astonishment, "He's like the most callous asshole ever."

"Uh-huh. And we're supposed to know that?" Jadeite asked.

"Uh yeah! Unless you've been living under a rock for like the last eight years?" Zoisite smarmily replied.

"Zoisite, you're the only one out of the four of us who watches that shit." Nephrite explained, "The show has no bearing on your life or anyone else's. It's processed, schlocky, trendy bullshit just like every other reality TV show."

"Right, whatever!" Zoisite was quick to defend his habit, "Well I got news for you Nephrite: the NFL is just as much a reality show as _Idol_."

"No, professional football is a sport." Nephrite sassed back, "Sports are competitive events between skilled opponents sanctioned by a governing, regulatory body, not a nationally televised talent show."

"There's no difference in my book." Zoisite argued.

"Your book is twenty pages long and has pop-up pictures, Zoisite." Nephrite insulted, "Don't try to compare your shitty water-cooler-gossip faggot reality shows to a man's game."

"Nephrite these people are going on national TV and giving everything they have to try and realize their dreams." Zoisite tried to explain, "Isn't there anything at all touching about that to you?"

"No. I don't get 'touched' by a bunch of wannabe sell-outs trying to hitch a free ride to a record deal." Nephrite denied, "The Who didn't become the greatest rock band of all time by standing in front of a panel of judges. They said fuck their critics and sang about shit that mattered to their fans."

"Oh here we fucking go!" Zoisiste fumed and shook his hands wildly, "Every pop culture conversation we ever have ends with The Who. They're not the greatest band in the world, Nephrite. No band can claim that."

"Um, I think they can if they wanted to you sheltered ass." Nephrite answered the challenge, "Considering they birthed not only hard rock, but are the root of punk as well. They changed popular music, Zoisite. Pete Townshend invented the fucking power chord for Christ's sake!"

"Oh yeah the power chord was a great addition to the musical arsenal of our generation." Zoisite continued his argument, "So now every idiot with a $50 dollar guitar can learn one chord and think he's a rock star."

"And yet these are the very same 'idiots' who end up on _American Idol_ belting out bullshit hoping some British dick is going to judge him worthy enough to be heard by more people!" Nephrite shouted disgustedly, "Music belongs to everyone, Zoisite, not a television show that tries to tell you what's good and what isn't."

"It's not about whether they're good or not, it's about the _people_!" Zoisiste shouted back, getting more aggravated by the minute, "Stop trying to steer the conversation to fit what you want to argue about!"

"Fine!" Nephrite agreed and threw his hands up in mock defeat, "I'm done talking about this."

"Oh yeah, real mature!" Zoisite haughtily mouthed, "Just drop the conversation when Zoisite makes a point."

"No, I'm dropping the conversation because our guest from the Health Inspector's office has been standing behind you scowling for the last couple minutes." Nephrite replied with a nod.

Sure enough Lita was standing behind Zoisite with a gaze like daggers ready to pierce the copper-haired King should he care to cross her. Zoisite sucked in a surprised breath and shook his head trying to compose himself after the exchange with Nephrite. Jadeite stood silently off to the side completely content to just watch.

"You all get along so well, this place just seems destined for greatness!" Lita chided and clapped one hand against her clipboard.

"Where's Kunzite?" Nephrite asked offhandedly.

"I casually mentioned the blower in your meat freezer was making a clicking noise every thirty seconds or so." Lita explained and pointed towards the kitchen, "He's in there dismantling it trying to find the problem."

"I'm pretty sure that thing is _supposed_ to click every thirty seconds." Jadeite said knowingly, but didn't know what else to say or do.

"Huh." Lita shrugged, "Well maybe you should go tell him that."

She moved her eyes to meet Nephrite's which Jadeite and Zoisite both noticed. They turned to glance at their companion who was staring straight back at Lita, not even registering the others' presence. Jadeite sighed and motioned for Zoisite to follow him out from behind the bar and into the kitchen where through the opening door they heard horrible metallic grating intermingled with Kunzite's swearing.

As soon as they were out of the room Lita let out a sigh of relief and a sly smile traced across her face.

"Five minutes with Kunzite is enough to last a lifetime, eh?" Nephrite joked.

"Does he always talk that much?" She asked as she lit up a new cigarette.

"Only when he's excited." Nephrite answered, "And he's never been this excited about anything in his life." Nephrite chuckled, "Actually, I don't think he's ever been excited _period_."

"Known these guys a while, have you?" Lita inquired.

"Forever." Nephrite answered, "And we all live together to top it off."

"I would think you'd need some chemical assistance to get by." The woman joked and nodded at the selection of liquor behind the bar, "You maybe want to throw together a Manhattan for me?"

"The Department of Health allows drinking on the job?" Nephrite asked curiously as his hands moved on their own below the bar gathering glasses, napkins and ice.

"Sure they do!" Lita replied with fake enthusiasm, "I make a note in every report I write that I get hammered while I'm performing inspections."

"Ah." Nephrite replied, "I suppose what they don't know won't hurt them."

"Right you are." Lita said and took a drag on her cigarette, "Just as I thought."

"What's that?"

"You are a bit more worldly-wise than your friends." Lita almost complimented, "Kunzite's obviously a deranged workaholic; the other two seem like children to me. You seem to at least have part of a head on your shoulders under all that hair."

"I'll thank you not to insult my warlord's mane." Nephrite cordially mentioned, "So about this Manhattan?"

"Southern Comfort, kick the bitters, and easy on the sweets." Lita ordered.

"Nope." Nephrite replied and started pulling bottles onto the bar.

"No?" Lita asked somewhat amused.

"Manhattans _require_ bitters." Nephrite explained, "And SoCo is a booze dumbass college kids ruined with lime juice. You want a real Manhattan I'll make you one, but I'll warn you: it's a drinking man's cocktail. Not for the weak-willed."

"Sounds like you know your way around a liquor cabinet." Lita remarked which could be taken as a compliment in Nephrite's mind, "I'll indulge you."

Nephrite smiled and went to work pouring together his mixture of rye whiskey, vermouth, and bitters. He was, rather unsurprisingly, very skillful in mixology. He handled the bottles well and even managed a deft twirl or two for added effect. He stirred his concoction and dropped a maraschino cherry on top and presented it to Lita. She took one sip and her upper lip tried to curl behind her teeth but she managed to fight it off.

"Well." She said and smacked her tongue against the numb inside of her mouth, "That's quite a different creature than what I'm used to."

"Yeah, we don't serve _Sex and the City _style Manhattans here." Nephrite replied with a smile which only grew wider when Lita went back for seconds of his concoction, "So uh, how'd you get into this business?"

"I don't think so." Lita replied and smirked at him with a look that could only be described as casual terrorism.

"Wait, so you come to me for a drink, chat me up, flirt a little bit and I don't even get to flirt back?" Nephrite asked confused and annoyed.

Lita eyed Nephrite with a decisively icy glare, grasped her drink with furor and downed the contents of the glass in one long chug. She wiped her mouth on her sleeve and stood up from the bar without even the slightest hint of effect from the alcohol.

"Thanks for the drink." Lita said and motioned towards the kitchen, "Tell Kunzite your license should come in the mail in a few days. I'll e-mail a temporary certificate."

With that the tall, chestnut-haired health inspector tied the belt on her trench coat and let herself out into the rainy world beyond the Four Kings Bar and Grill. Nephrite stood at the bar regarding an empty glass and an empty stool trying to wrap his brain around the last few minutes and having exceptional difficulty coming to any sort of conclusion about what had taken place. One thing was certain to him: Lydia Tanner, or Lita as she preferred, definitely warranted further investigation. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jadeite poke his head through the kitchen door, peering around corner like a frightened child.

"You can come out now." Nephrite told him, "The Wicked Witch is dead."

Jadeite straightened up and re-entered the bar area with Zoisite and Kunzite in tow who was covered with grease and Freon. Nephrite chuckled slightly and washed the glass Lita had left behind.

"She barely even looked at the place." Kunzite complained and wiped a large grease stain on his brow which just made it bigger, "I spent all that time bleaching the tile grout in the bathrooms and she didn't even notice."

"I told you not to get so worked up about it." Nephrite told him, "Oh, and the license will be here in the next couple days."

"One big hurdle out of the way there." Jadeite said and clapped his hands together, "Let us pray we don't have to deal with any more health inspectors for a while."

"Speak for yourself." Nephrite said with a smirk and replaced Lita's glass on the shelf with all the others.

"Can we go home now?" Zoisite whined.

Kunzite nodded and reached behind him to the fuse box on the wall that controlled all the lights in the restaurant. After powering everything down and locking the doors the Shitennou piled into Kunzite's Jeep and made the drive home in relative silence. It had been a long day of preparation and a long day of worrying which had taken its toll on all of them. Before long their small duplex home was in sight and they wearily carried themselves to the front door. When Kunzite swung the door open he was met by a foul odor that the others also detected.

"Why does our house smell like shit?" Zoisite asked worriedly.

The four entered to find their kitchen in ruins. The table and chairs were shifted about, the mail that was sitting on the table was shredded and scattered on the floor interspersed with the remnants of a box of PopTarts that was left on the counter. Two fist-sized brown lumps of feces also sat among the debris. They carefully and quietly moved past the kitchen into their living room to an even more gruesome sight.

Their garbage can had been dragged into the living room, its contents emptied and strewn all over the floor. Horrible brown streaks covered their prized couch and a good number of DVD cases had been pulled from their rack and gnawed on. In the middle of the devastation was a large black dog, a Labrador Retriever, happily chewing on one of Zoisite's hair brushes. The dog looked up when he heard the Shitennou approach and jumped to his paws and charged straight towards Zoisite. The younger King shrieked and put his hands up defensively, but the dog tackled him to the ground and started slobbering and licking all over Zoisite's face through his sputtering cries for help.

"What in the holy fuck?" Kunzite screamed which was a rare occurrence for him.

"Get this god damned mutt off me!" Zoisite ordered and the dog, apparently hurt by his insult, growled and snapped at him.

"Yeah, you tell him boy!" Nephrite encouraged the canine.

Kunzite reached down and grabbed the dog by its collar and pulled it off Zoisite. The effeminate King scampered to his feet spitting dog hair and carpet fuzz out of his mouth with a derisive sneer. The dog whimpered slightly and licked at Kunzite's hand. He seemed to be a fairly young dog and on his collar was a badge that read "William Shatner."

"What the fuck, dude?" Nephrite asked when he saw the tag, "Did William Shatner's dog break into our house and trash it?"

"No, I think that's the dog's name." Kunzite replied and asked the dog, "William Shatner?"

The Labrador barked in reply and paced around in a tight circle, sniffing and panting before lifting its leg and urinating on Kunzite's shoes. Shocked, confused, and tired as they were nobody yelled or tried to stop the dog. They simply let him finish his business and watched in befuddled amusement as he trotted back to the middle of the destroyed Man-Lair and continued chewing on Zoisite's brush.

"I don't suppose anyone wants to get my brush back from that thing?" Zoisite asked.

Nephrite simply shook his head negatively and climbed the stairs towards his room. Jadeite and Kunzite followed suit, preferring not to answer. Zoisite huffed and stormed across the living room to where the dog was laying and reached out to grab his brush. William Shatner growled and snapped at Zoisite when his hand came near the brush, but relaxed when he jumped back. With a grimace Zoisite sat down Indian style on the floor across from the dog and stared at him while he chewed on the brush.

"You're not going to give that back to me, are you?" the King asked the canine and received no reply but the sound of chewing and slobbering.

Zoisite sighed and leaned back against the couch and swiftly fell asleep. The other Shitennou would attest that the next morning they found Zoisite curled up in a ball on the floor with William Shatner sleeping practically on top of him and drooling in his hair.


	10. Roadhouse Blues

The Shitennou have been warriors, soldiers, agents, rogues and Kings in their time, but it is their chief calling above all others to serve mankind. Together they form an unequaled partnership. Their skills and talents, diverse as they may be, are magnified to their peak within the fraternity that no man may enter. Together they strive to keep all men safe from harm, to maintain the ebb and flow of the planet, and forever serve our best interests.

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Roadhouse Blues

"Order up!" Kunzite shouted from kitchen as he threw a plate full of greasy pub fare onto the steel counter and slid it down to the waiting hands of Jadeite who was running back and forth across the restaurant like a mad man taking orders and delivering dishes.

"All right, fuck!" Zoisite complained as he leaned through the window between the bar and kitchen area, "I need a double bacon cheeseburger medium well, fries, large order of onion rings, order of chili, and a half-rack of ribs."

"You want a side of blood thinner with that?" Nephrite joked just quietly enough that the dozen or so patrons sitting at his bar couldn't hear him, "That can't be all for one person."

"Who cares who it's for?" Kunzite asked and snatched the order from Zoisite, pinning it onto a cork strip behind the counter, "How many times do I have to tell you not to judge the customers?"

"At least once more." Nephrite replied.

"Hey can I grab another Miller Lite?" one of the patrons at the bar shouted.

"No problem, my man." Nephrite replied with genuine enthusiasm as he spun around and grabbed the man's glass off the bar.

"I'm going to need to take a break here soon." Zoisite whined at Kunzite through the window, "My feet are killing me and I feel like my left knee is going to pop out of its socket."

"Eat some Tylenol and get back out on the floor." Kunzite ordered in his usual commanding monotone, "I've got orders backing up, the soda fountains are running out of CO2 and we're only halfway through the dinner rush."

There was a collective roar from one end of the bar as a group of customers all watching a football game on one of the televisions cheered a touchdown pass. Nephrite stood off to one side wiping a pitcher with a rag and making off-color comments about the referees that all the patrons found utterly hilarious. Zoisite groaned, grabbed his notebook and slogged back onto the floor again.

The Four Kings Bar and Grill had been open for almost two months and against all odds had managed to establish itself as a excellent place to kill a few hours. Tonight it was filled almost to capacity with easily over a hundred people filling the tables and booths. Local media reviewed the fare as being excellent with sizeable portions and decent variety. Reviews also pointed to the rustic, cobbled-together nature of the restaurant's décor. They also mentioned, unanimously, that the restaurant could at times seem woefully understaffed and that the "four kings" themselves strived to run the establishment on their own. The stress, exhaustion, and endless hours were beginning to fray the fragile nerves of the formerly fearless foursome.

"Kunzite, table eight wants a side of coleslaw and I need you to throw this steak back for a few minutes, guy says it's not done well enough." Jadeite said quickly as he flipped through his order book.

Nephrite for his part was content to tend the bar, sometimes turning his duties over to Jadeite when the elder King was required to tend the barbecue pits. He'd already formed friendships with several return guests and was, in an unheard-of turn of character, rather social and genial when he was mixing drinks and wiping down the bar. Jadeite tended to act as head waiter and cook when needed as did Zoisite. Kunzite occupied the majority of his time in the kitchen and while his job was arguably the hardest and he had been suffering through on only a few hours of sleep per night his culinary prowess was unaffected and rapidly gaining notoriety.

"Okay I need a boneless wing basket, mild, Cajun chicken wrap with no lettuce and two orders of breaded eggplant." Zoisite shouted through the window, "Oh, and a lady wants to know if we can make the stir-fry quesadilla without soy sauce?"

Unfortunately he knew that both he and his associates were reaching their breaking points. There were only so many hours in each day to get done all the paperwork and accounting involved in keeping the restaurant afloat. They were all sorely lacking in spare time and given their stubborn refusal to hire any outside help they were all required to be at the restaurant from open to close every day. If one of them wasn't there the operations would simply halt, which was unacceptable considering their sizable investment and growing reputation. Mercifully, however, Mamoru had yet to make his presence known in the roadhouse which was a welcome comfort. While loyal to the point of death, Kunzite dreaded the thought of his master interfering in the restaurant's affairs.

"Kunzite!" Jadeite shouted and snapped the older king out of his ponderings, "Are you listening?"

"Side of slaw, steak too rare, mild wing basket, Cajun wrap no lettuce, two breaded eggplants." Kunzite replied quickly, "And no, we can't take the soy sauce out of the stir fry quesadilla, then it's not a stir fry."

Zoisite nodded and walked away leaving Jadeite to ask, "How the hell do you do that?"

"Subconscious multitasking." Kunzite replied as though anyone in their right mind should have been able to figure it out on their own, "Are all the ketchup bottles out there full?"

"Yeah, I filled them before the last rush." Jadeite replied, "Listen, I think—"

"Salt and pepper shakers, too?"

"Yes." Jadeite replied slightly annoyed, "I've been thinking about—"

"What about the restrooms, has anyone checked those out lately?"

"They're fine, dude. Listen to me!" Jadeite begged, "I think we have to—"

"For Christ's sake, Jadeite, spit it out!" Kunzite fumed and slapped his spatula down on the steel counter, "I'm busy as shit back here!"

Jadeite narrowed his eyes at the elder king and was about to vocalize a terribly unprofessional comment when he heard the unmistakable sound of glass shattering behind him. A group of college students sitting together at a table let out a chorus of laughter and pointed accusatory fingers at one of their friends whose beverage glass was laying in pieces on the hardwood floor. Jadeite sighed heavily and grabbed the nearby dust pan, leaving his fruitless conversation with Kunzite for another time.

As Jadeite stalked across the floor the front door opened and a blonde man wearing a threadbare blue suit staggered in making his way straight up to the bar. He sat near the corner in the one unoccupied stool and slammed his wallet down which caused the bowls of peanuts and the other patron's drinks to jump. It also served to draw Nephrite's attention.

"Well take a gander over here, gents!" Nephrite called to the rest of the bar crowd and inexplicably began sporting a pirate-like accent, "It be none other than me best grog-swiller, Master Andrew Arlington his'self!"

Some of the more inebriated drinkers at the bar issued cheerful greetings and spotty applause, but Andrew ignored it. Nephrite grabbed a glass off the shelf which sat by itself and had the name "Andy" scribbled on it with a Sharpie, underlined and outlined with stars. He poured a beer and set it on a coaster in front of Andrew who sucked down half the pint in one gulp.

"Methinks the fair Master Andrew had another hard day at sea?" Nephrite asked his favorite patron.

"Give the stupid pirate shit a rest." Andrew ordered and ripped his foggy, dirty glasses off his face, "I wouldn't come here if I had the choice."

"Aye, and what choice be that, mate?" Nephrite asked refusing to drop his spot-on Robert Newton-as-Long John Silver impression.

"That I'm a raging violent alcoholic and this is the only place that still serves me." Andrew confessed and took another large gulp of ale.

"And here I've been thinkin' ye just come for the wit and whimsy!" Nephrite joked back.

"I lost everything when Crown Realty fired me." Andrew said almost on the verge of tears and Nephrite almost stopped him, this being about the eighteenth time he had heard the story, "Here I promised my bosses I was going to sell a six-figure art-deco dream and I ended up getting talked down almost fifteen percent on a tax-incentive industrial prefab!"

"Wow, tough break dude." One of the mostly inebriated patrons droned in Andrew's direction.

"I can't go back into realty now! I've got my masters collecting dust on a shelf! I graduated second in my class from Penn, for God's sake! On top of that shit I had to terminate the lease on my apartment. My mother won't even talk to me, I had to move in with Mamoru again, and this morning I woke up to find some little pissant fifteen-year-old gangsta wannabe spray-painted _"Ninth Street Gank Squad"_ on my Hyundai!"

"I thought you drove some big Ford Explorer?" Nephrite questioned, accent-less.

"That was a company car." Andrew growled back. He rubbed one of his eyes and glowered up at a largely apathetic Nephrite, "You sons of bitches _ruined_ me!"

"Aye that we did, mate, that we did!" Nephrite agreed in pirate voice and refilled Andrew's beer, "But yer always welcome at this here tap house."

"Yeah. Thanks." Andrew replied almost appreciatively and returned to drowning his sorrows.

"Order up!" Kunzite shouted from the kitchen and both Jadeite and Zoisite ran for the plate, running into each other in their race to get there first.

Nephrite chuckled to himself and went about his work of cleaning glasses and refilling thirsty patrons. Suddenly his simple tasks became mind-bendingly complicated logic puzzles when he noticed a familiar tan trench coat filled by one Ms. Lydia Tanner a.k.a. Lita walk through the door of the restaurant. Her large emerald eyes scanned the room for a moment before coming to rest with urgency on Nephrite as though she were only looking around to avoid being accused of staring in the first place. She made her way to the bar and pulled out a seat next to Andrew which had recently vacated.

"Hey Andy. Still an alcoholic?" she asked the ex-realtor nonchalantly.

"Hey Lita. Still an insufferable whore?" Andrew replied without looking up from his beer.

Lita smirked at Andrew's sullen reply and draped her coat over the back of her chair. Nephrite had already placed a Manhattan on the bar in front of her and dropped the cherry in just as she sat down.

"One of these days you two need to explain this bad blood between you." Nephrite said amusedly.

"No, I prefer watching you try to figure it out." Lita said and ignited the tip of a cigarette, "You make this adorable little chipmunk face when you're thinking really hard."

Andy groaned audibly at the flirt and excused himself to the bathroom. Nephrite chuckled and refilled his beer, shooting glances at the grinning Lita in half-second intervals. She had been coming to the bar regularly for the last two weeks and even in light of her admittedly frosty exit on their first meeting Nephrite had become somewhat enamored with her. Lita explained she was dealing with a messy break-up at the time, but offered little more in the way of personal information. They stuck to amusing each other with anecdotes and witty observations of the restaurant's sometimes colorful patrons. Nephrite was not a man known for his patience, but he was showing remarkable restraint in making any advances on Lita. It was something the other Shitennou perceived as dangerous for it could only mean Nephrite was _truly_ interested in her. Such a phenomenon was previously thought to be a myth with the self-proclaimed King of Bachelors.

"So I've got my ninety-day review of this place coming up." Lita mentioned and twirled her cherry in her drink, "Anything I should know about beforehand?"

"Just the usual." Nephrite replied, "Salmonella, Giardia, E. coli in the ground beef."

"I think I saw some junkies trading a needle out by the barbecue pit, too." Lita joked and elicited a chuckle from Nephrite, "You guys seem to have pulled it off."

"Well we're working like dogs to do it." Nephrite said and slid a pitcher of Budweiser down the bar to a waiting patron.

"Speaking of dogs, how's that mutt that broke into your house?" Lita asked as she smoked.

"Oh, William Shatner is doing fine." Nephrite replied and pulled a rag out of his belt to wipe down a section of the bar, "He's actually taken quite a shine to Zoisite so he sleeps up in his room and Zoi takes care of him. Weirdest shit I ever saw."

"You never figured out where he came from?" Lita inquired.

"Nope." Nephrite answered, "Nearest we can tell he just wandered in. Can't figure out how; all the doors and windows were closed and Mamoru said he had nothing to do with it."

Andrew returned from the restroom and just as he was sitting down Lita stole the glass of beer from under his nose and took a big sip of it, smacking her lips and replacing the booze on his coaster. Andrew growled in his throat at the sight of the half-moon of pink lipstick left on the rim of his glass. He shoved it away and Nephrite fetched him a new one with a hearty guffaw.

"Andy, you're so cute when you're powerless." Lita giggled and slapped him playfully on the shoulder.

Andrew shoved her hand away, grabbed his drink and stormed away from the bar to a booth in the corner that was dark and unoccupied. Nephrite shook his head and threw his towel over his shoulder, glancing at Lita with a slightly disapproving smirk.

"What, are you going to tell me to go easy on him?" she asked brattily, "Don't hurt his fragile little feelings?"

"No, I'm going to ask you to go easy on him so you don't drive away my best customer." Nephrite answered and leaned down on the bar to be face-to-face, "I'd hate to have to throw you out for unruly behavior."

"That so?" she asked through a wisp of smoke, "How far do you think you could throw me?"

"Depends on how good of a grip I get." Nephrite replied lecherously.

"And where would you could grab me that would be the most…" Lita paused and pressed the tip of her tongue up against one of her incisors, "… aerodynamic?"

Nephrite, feeling confident that this exchange of racy flirtation was finally going somewhere built up his courage for a real crusher, but before he got the chance a horrible sound broke his concentration. It was the signature wail of a speaker feeding back. It whined and whistled loudly for a few seconds before silencing much to the relief of the startled customers. Nephrite glanced over at the small raised stage where the karaoke equipment was housed to behold a worrisome sight.

Mamoru had at some point entered the restaurant and was now sitting up on the tiny stage on a stool with an acoustic guitar in his lap. He was dressed in all black and was sporting an insanely oversized cowboy hat that looked like black felt hot-glued onto a homemade cardboard frame. He tapped on the microphone a few dozen times, blew into it and deftly strummed his guitar.

"Jesus H. Christ, when did this happen?" Nephrite asked, his previous exchanges with Lita forgotten in light of his building dread.

"Nephrite!" Kunzite called through the kitchen window and waved him down.

Nephrite walked over and leaned through, keeping his eyes on Mamoru the whole time who was shifting the microphone stand around, up and down trying to get it in the right spot. Nephrite turned to the older king and registered the look of utter hopelessness on Kunzite's face.

"You need to contain this situation if it gets out of hand." Kunzite more or less ordered.

"Yeah." Nephrite agreed and gulped hard.

On the other side of the restaurant Jadeite was clearing a table where a pair of blonde-haired women were sitting. They were both in their early twenties and with blue eyes and features so similar they could be mistaken for twins. Had he not been so overworked Jadeite may have noticed that they were very easy on the eyes, but tonight he was too far gone from constant motion and the rigors of table-waiting. Just as he was clearing the last of their plates one of the girls tugged on his sleeve.

"Yeah?" he asked somewhat distantly.

"Do you know what this guy's name is?" she asked motioning to the karaoke stage.

Jadeite turned around and his eyes shook in their sockets. Mamoru was sitting there tuning up his guitar and smiling dumbly out into the audience of restaurant patrons. Jadeite hadn't even noticed his arrival or set-up. With an inward groan he turned back to the two girls and answered.

"That's Mamoru."

"Mamoru!" the blonde said excitedly and slapped her friend on the arm, "I told you it started with an M!"

Jadeite couldn't help but think to himself that these girls looked awfully familiar. The one who had questioned him wore her hair in twin pigtails. She was attractive, very much so now that he took the time to study her. Her face looked lively, energetic, but with a definite gentleness. She wasn't dressed in overly revealing clothes, but her brand-name jeans and light blue baby-tee definitely outlined a well-toned figure. The girl sitting next to her looked so much like her it was scary, but her face read mischief and she was more dolled-up, wearing obvious quantities of makeup and letting her long, slightly-curled hair hang loose all around her.

"So are you friends with him or something?" The first girl asked.

"Oh." Jadeite replied, startled, "Kind of. He's like a friend to the family I guess. Can I ask you something?"

The girls nodded and if they were taken aback by Jadeite's abruptness it didn't show.

"Have we met?" he asked, "You two seem awfully familiar."

"Yes." The second blonde, the one with the loose hair replied, "In your dreams last night. We were there, giving you every earthly pleasure you desired."

"Mina!" the first girl shrieked with a giggle and punched her partner in the arm, "I can't believe you!"

Jadeite's brow began to moisten and it was taking every ounce of his considerable will to keep a straight face. He became acutely aware of an involuntary tightness beginning to develop in his pants …

"Don't listen to her." She told him, "My name is Usagi, this is my roommate Mina. I don't think we've ever met."

"Huh." Jadeite said, turned, and excused himself with a quickness. Mina giggled as she sipped on a margarita. Usagi rolled her eyes and watched Mamoru continue his preparations.

"Uh… testing?" he asked into the microphone and got a few odd responses from the crowd.

"So this is the guy, huh?" Mina asked, "Do you think he's ever going to notice you're sitting here?"

"I don't know, maybe he's one of those 'don't bother me, I'm working' type musicians." Usagi answered, "Musician. Huh. He speaks like eighteen languages, he's going to med school and he's musical."

"If he can cook and doesn't mind taking a few trips _down south_ I'd say he's perfect." Mina commented.

"God, can you think about anything else?" Usagi asked only half jokingly, half annoyed, "I gave him my number like two months ago and he never called me."

"Maybe he's into brunettes." Mina thought aloud.

"Or maybe he just forgot." Usagi added, "I told you, he's like the absent-minded professor. The guy seemed genuinely intelligent when I met him, just sort of scattered."

"So why does that attract you?" Mina asked dismissively, "I wouldn't be able stand a guy like that."

"Yes you would." Usagi rebuked her, "You'd lead them around for a while because they don't know any better, make them buy you expensive shit, then leave them heartbroken and penniless."

"You know me too well." Mina replied and clinked the edge of her margarita against Usagi's water glass.

Mamoru strummed his guitar again and stepped up to the microphone, "Hey everyone! So, you guys like Johnny Cash?"

The majority of patrons in the restaurant voiced their approval and Mamoru cleared his throat, pitching his voice down several octaves and re-introduced himself in a startlingly good impression of the Man in Black, "Hello. I'm Johnny Cash."

With that he launched into a rendition of _"Folsom Prison Blues"_ which was met with applause and some sparse sing-along. Up at the bar Nephrite was having trouble keeping his jaw off the floor. Zoisite and Jadeite were huddled near him and Kunzite was even leaning out of the kitchen partition to get a better glimpse. To their utter shock and relief Mamoru was actually a decent Johnny Cash impersonator. He worked his way through most of the Live at Folsom Prison set list and even mixed in a few Everly Brothers tunes for variety. No one had expected Mamoru's sudden and unannounced visit would be anything but disastrous, but fate, it seemed, continually liked to whip curve balls towards the Shitennou.

"Who else knew he could do this?" Zoisite asked, dumbfounded.

"I didn't even know Mamoru could form a coherent sentence let alone sing a Johnny Cash set." Jadeite answered and was rewarded with a smack upside the head from Kunzite for sass.

Nephrite grinned and turned back to where Lita was sitting expecting to pick up their sultry conversation, but his heart sank when he saw she wasn't there anymore. Andrew had reclaimed his seat at the bar and was chortling mildly to himself as he examined the bottom of his beer glass.

"You poor bastard." Andrew drawled in inebriation, "You have no idea what she's gonna do to you."

"No, but I do aim to find out." Nephrite assured him, not heeding Andrew's veiled warning.

A few hours later the restaurant was closed. The chairs were stacked upside-down on the tables, Kunzite counted out the receipts, and everyone was looking forward to a hot shower and some uninterrupted sleep. It was a Friday night and in a rare maneuver the Four Kings would be closed on a Saturday to prepare for Sunday, which was none other than Super Bowl Sunday. They were going to transport their own 65-inch flat screen from their home to the restaurant for the day and host an all-out gluttonous gala that would cement The Four Kings Bar and Grill as _the_ place to go for any major televised sporting event. Mamoru was packing up and chatting with a pair of blondeswho happened stay after closing time.

"Do you remember me?" Usagi asked as she handed a pile of guitar picks to a sweaty, hoarse-voiced Mamoru.

"Of course!" he announced happily, "You're the girl from the gym that day! You had the silver necklace."

"You do certainly have a fixation on that necklace, don't you?" Usagi asked him, "I gave you my number and told you to call me when this place got running!"

"I know, I'm sorry." Mamoru apologized, "But I got sidetracked with other stuff. I was going to call, but my friends, the guys who run the restaurant, they were always asking me for help with stuff and I just ran out of time!"

"Well, don't sweat it." Usagi said cheerfully, "I'm here now! I didn't know you were a musician."

"I'm not, really. I can only play Johnny Cash songs." Mamoru answered, "And, like, a couple others."

"I wish I could play an instrument." Usagi said and suddenly a guitar was thrust in her face.

"Try it out!" Mamoru suggested enthusiastically.

She laughed and tentatively stood up. The guitar strap was much too long on her and the guitar hung down near her waist, but she made do. Mamoru showed her how to maneuver her fingers into a proper chord and she strummed the guitar once, but got a discordant sound which elicited a chuckle from Mamoru and Mina. She tried again and got it right and simply stood there playing the same chord for a few seconds.

"See, it's not that hard." Mamoru said, "If I teach you two more chords you can play a whole Johnny Cash album!"

Usagi nodded and lifted the guitar off. As she pulled the strap over her head an exposed link on her necklace caught the material and pulled her silver crystal pendant out from under her shirt. She hadn't intentionally hidden it, but she was trying to make some headway with Mamoru without him spending a half hour staring dreamily into its glittering facets. The necklace undid itself, travelling with the guitar strap and then detached, falling on the floor at Mamoru's feet. Mina reactively pointed at the pendant and Mamoru followed her finger to the shining object. He impulsively extended his hand towards the pendant and leaned forward…

The four Shitennou standing around the bar suddenly grew cold where they stood and their eyes snapped towards Mamoru. There was no time to react; he was already reaching for it. Time seemed to stand still even though only seconds were passing.

Kunzite forgot himself and shouted: _"ENDYMION!"_

Mamoru grabbed the pendant off the ground and his mouth hung slightly open as some sort of paralysis struck him. Kunzite's hand reactively shot to his pocket wherein he kept Endymion's Golden Crystal. When his hand touched it he was burned. The crystal began to glow and he patted at it trying to smother it like a flame, but it wouldn't extinguish. It burnt a hole through his pocket and fell out onto the floor where it radiated with white-hot light and emitted a high-pitched drone. Mamoru began to shudder where he stood and his eyes rolled back in his head.

"Hey, are you alright?" Usagi asked and reached out to grab Mamoru's hand.

She touched him and immediately something took hold of her senses. It was a familiar feeling, not unlike slipping into a well-worn coat. It was warm and soothing; a curious feeling like a static charge swept over her body and she felt utterly content. She almost lapsed into complete complacency, but saw Mamoru's tremors growing more and more violent. She was, however, frozen in place, unable to move and unable to speak.

Jadeite reacted quickly, all of this passing in mere moments. He flipped on the multi-colored laser disco ball that hung in the rafters near the karaoke stage and rushed out towards Mamoru. Nephrite followed suit and soon they had Mamoru on the ground biting down on a wad of napkins, still shaking violently. Zoisite pulled the silver pendant out of Mamoru's grasp and flung it at Usagi as though it were poisoned. Mamoru's tremors slowed and eventually abated, but he was unconscious. The Shitennou crowded around him, checking his vitals, and Kunzite stood to address Usagi and Mina.

"I think it's time for you girls to leave." He said in a grave voice.

"What happened to him?" Usagi asked with genuine concern, "Is he going to be okay?"

"Absolutely!" Jadeite announced, trying his best to sound upbeat, "He had an epileptic seizure from that damn disco ball. I don't know who turned it on!"

"Oh, I didn't even realize!" Usagi told Kunzite as though she were to blame, "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes, you can leave." Kunzite replied as icy as he had been in quite some time, "Now."

Usagi and Mina obliged the imposing king, grabbed their coats, and exited the restaurant in silence. Kunzite turned back to the Shitennou with a grimace and knelt down next to Mamoru. He had stabilized, his heart was beating normally, but his eyes were shut tight and they quivered behind his eyelids; a telltale sign that his brain was working double-time. Kunzite stood, looked up at the flashing, spinning laser-shooting sphere above him and glowered. The ball shorted out, sparked, and then went dark.

"Don't." He said roughly when he saw Zoisite about to question his actions.

The other three watched him move across the floor to the bar where they had been standing before this episode occurred. There on the floor the Golden Crystal sat dim, but untarnished. The floor around the crystal had been reduced to charcoal in a two-foot diameter. Part of the bar that met the floor was singed, and one shot glass that had fallen to the ground was melted. The Shitennou laid Mamoru on the karaoke stage and one by one moved to form a circle around where the crystal lay. Kunzite bent down, grabbed the crystal off the ground and set it down on the bar where it rolled in a tight circle and settled.

Nephrite tilted his head back, rubbed his eyes and said, "I think it's time we talked about this."

Kunzite looked him over, the rest of the Shitennou as well, and answered: "Agreed."


	11. Highway to the Danger Zone

With unwavering resolve the Shitennou stand ever-ready to defend the Earth from danger. Whether the enemy is wrought by the hand of man or hails from distant stars they are always on guard to form the first and last line of defense against all who would bring ruin upon the world. No great stories are told and no songs are sung of their mighty deeds for the Shitennou's righteous work must always remain unknown to the public which so often takes their labors for granted.

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Highway to the Danger Zone

The Four Kings Bar and Grill was closed and its proprietors were sitting at home around their kitchen table after a particularly trying day. Zoisite was bending over in his chair scratching behind the ears of William Shatner, the Labrador retriever that had inexplicably wandered into their home a few weeks ago. Nephrite was cross-armed in his chair looking as grim as possible as was his nature and Jadeite fussed near the stove pouring scalding hot water into four identical black mugs for tea. Kunzite settled down at the table across from Nephrite after returning from the bathroom and heaved a heavy sigh. Tea was brewed, passed around, and silence settled for a long while. It was a partially awkward silence, but also purposeful as Mamoru was lying sprawled out on the couch in the adjoining room, still unconscious after the episode at the restaurant.

"Maybe we should wait to do this until tomorrow?" Jadeite suggested meekly.

"No fucking way." Was Nephrite's immediate reply; he had not stopped staring at Kunzite since the elder king sat down at the table.

"Hey, don't cuss around my dog!" Zoisite said in a half-hearted attempt to lighten the mood, something which was rare in his case, but it did little good. William Shatner yawned and lay down across Zoisite's feet.

Kunzite wordlessly started the conversation when he reached into his pocket and produced the _kinzuishou_, the Golden Crystal, and placed it on the table in front of him. The multifaceted gem sparkled as though it reflected sunlight even in the dull glow of the illuminated ceiling fan. Acquainted as they were with the magical stone, the Shitennou were always brought to silent reverence in its presence. It took a lot of effort to speak on such a topic so near to their nature.

"The last time the four of us all got together like this it was on the night we found out about Endymion and Serenity." Jadeite remembered as he sipped at his tea. He too tried to inject some humor: "Nephrite broke a lot of stuff that night, I remember."

"Funny, because I seem to recall a few weeks later the Dark Kingdom appeared and wiped Elysian off the map." Nephrite responded, ignoring Jadeite's revelry, "I remember Kunzite telling us that Endymion had fled to the Moon and left us behind to die."

"He didn't _flee_; he left to _protect _the Moon. We stayed behind to give him a fighting chance to escape." Kunzite interjected with a disapproving glare aimed at the auburn-haired King.

"BULLSHIT!" Nephrite thundered and slammed a fist off the table, "You told us Endymion had betrayed the Earth to the Dark Kingdom. You said he abandoned everything and decided trying to get his rocks off with a spoiled underage Moon Princess was a better way to spend the last days of Elysian."

"Nephrite." Kunzite interrupted with a stern glare which his colleague returned with equal intensity, "We came to an agreement a long time ago about the choices our Master made during the old days."

"Yeah, there's no reason to drag our wounds through the salt again." Jadeite added.

"This isn't about our Master, you asshole!" Nephrite continued, "_You_ were our leader. _You_ called the shots and _you_ were the one who convinced us that Endymion had double-crossed us all! You practically led us by the collar to Queen Beryl!"

Zoisite shuddered and turned his head away from Nephrite. Jadeite pondered the inside of his mug for a long time as the two eldest Shitennou bored holes into each other with their eyes. There was no touchier subject among the four kings than the horror of their own betrayal. The Silver Millennium was practically ended by their hands. They had bought Endymion the time he needed to escape, but when they were found by the conniving she-witch Queen Beryl it was the Shitennou themselves who renounced their loyalty to Endymion and began to hunt their former Master down.

"Don't think for a second that anything you're saying right now is changing my perception, Nephrite." Kunzite told his accuser in an icy voice, "I took responsibility for the things I said and did a long time ago, but you, all of you, have wills of your own. It wasn't _my_ decision that we should join Beryl's crusade, we all decided it together."

"Together, huh?" Nephrite asked cockily, "I guess that's why once we got to the Dark Kingdom you were still in charge, right? Queen Beryl didn't even consider rearranging the ranks, you were always top-dog! You even led the charge against the Moon and commanded the battle where our Master died."

"I don't need to be lectured about this by you, Nephrite!" Kunzite shouted well on the verge of completely losing his temper, "I _know_ what I did. The pain I have to deal with every single fucking day reminds me of that, so I don't need you to spell it out for me."

"No, I think you do!" Nephrite countered, "You've always been the one making decisions for the group and look where it's gotten us."

"Nephrite, open your fucking ears!" Kunzite roiled and his voice pitched higher, "I am not to blame for everything! Take responsibility for your own actions! If you followed me blindly into the Dark Kingdom because I was the so-called leader then every argument here is void! You could have opposed me; you could have stopped me, but you didn't! You _agreed _with me and together we committed that great communal sin." Kunzite paused as his words echoed through the kitchen. "I'm not denying what I did in the past or trying to make excuses for myself. I fucked up royally… and you Nephrite, you Jadeite, and you Zoisite all fucked up right along with me! You seem to forget we all had parts to play in our mutual betrayal, we each had our own macabre little specialties in the Dark Kingdom, or do I have to remind you of that, too?"

"Don't do it." Jadeite uttered in a dark voice which startled Kunzite who was not used to the younger king speaking so forcefully, "I still wake up some nights thinking I'm lying on a cold slab of rock in the Dark Kingdom. I can sometimes hear the youma's voices echoing in the caves… I have enough nightmares of my own to deal with, thanks."

"Alright, say for a moment I believe you." Neprhite began anew, "The great and powerful Kunzite is repenting for past mistakes. How does stealing Endymion's birthright and keeping him in the dark to his true purpose absolve you from anything?"

"This isn't just my penance, Nephrite. There's a reason all of us are sitting here. _Alive._" Kunzite explained as his gaze fell down on the _kinzuishou_, "As for this… I had hoped by keeping it safe and separated from Mamoru that we'd be able to avert another disaster."

"What disaster?" Nephrite asked, "You've seen what Mamoru is like these days. The biggest disaster I can think of is a car accident. Oh wait… that _already happened!_"

"And you spent the entire aftermath drunk out your mind." Zoisite reminded him, "You drown yourself in liquor because you're so wracked with your own guilt over what you did in the past that you can't even face it."

"Sorry Zoisite, I'm not the cry-myself-to-sleep every night type." Neprhite sarcastically replied, "And this isn't about how I deal with my shit, it's about why Kunzite has been carrying the Golden Crystal around all this time instead of our Master."

"No, that's not what this is about." Kunzite said with a shake of his brow, "You can keep trying to redirect everyone's anger at me, Nephrite, but the fact of the matter is none of us have been wanting to own up to past mistakes before now."

"That's bullshit—" Nephrite started to argue but was cut off.

"The Silver Millennium was destroyed because we didn't stand by Endymion when he needed us. The world was brought to the edge of ruin _again_ because of what we did in the Dark Kingdom." Kunzite elaborated taking each of the Shitennou's gaze in turn, "It's been years since that day and there is no logical reason why the four of us were brought back if not to be given the chance to protect Endymion again."

"Then why take the _kinzuishou_, Kunzite?" Zoisite asked with pleading intensity, "Mamoru is the steward of this planet. The Golden Crystal is his direct link to the energy of the Earth. They're _part_ of each other; without it he isn't complete."

"You keep telling us you want to keep him safe, just look at him!" Nephrite ordered and pointed towards the living room where Mamoru slept, "Have you ever known our Master to be such an idiot? He barely functions as a social human being. You ever stop to think maybe that's because he's missing some vital part of himself?"

"I'm tired of forcing my Master into a role he shouldn't have to fill if he doesn't want to!" Kunzite argued back, "He's had to command wars in the past; he had to abandon a normal life to fight against the Dark Kingdom. Is too much to ask that he just be allowed to live his life?"

"Maybe that's not what he wants?" Jadeite thought aloud, "Maybe if he knew the whole truth about who he is he would choose to fulfill his role. Steward of the planet or not, he has the right to make up his own mind."

"There's no reason we can't guard this planet in his stead. We've been doing it for years!" Kunzite stated and shrugged his shoulders, "Even if it takes four of us to replace Mamoru."

"Yes, we've been doing a great job of safeguarding the Earth." Nephrite huffed, "Terrorists kill a hundred people a day, wars are still raging over land and religious disputes, Global Warming is still running rampant. People are still starving and dying for lack of common necessities."

"Not even Mamoru has control over those things." Kunzite corrected him, "He controls the primordial energy of the earth, maintaining equilibrium within the natural world. The Golden Crystal provides the power to do that so there's no reason, collectively, that we can't do the same thing."

"We can't claim ownership of the Golden Crystal. It didn't come to Endymion because of great deeds or because he asked for it." Zoisite reminded the assembled kings, "The Earth _chose_ him. He is the only one who can unlock its true power. It's the only reason the four of us are even still sitting here."

"The Golden Crystal is Mamoru's strength." Jadeite added, "Without it he wouldn't have been able to join with the _senshi_ and defeat the Dark Kingdom."

"I believe it's the bond that Endymion and Serenity share that led to our master becoming the keeper of the Golden Crystal in the first place." Zoisite spoke in an affectionate tone, "The Earth and the Moon were always at odds in the past, but when the two of them come together there is nothing more powerful in the universe. The _kinzuishou_ and the _ginzuishou_ magnify the power of their love ten thousand times."

"That's very poetic, Zoi." Nephrite said dismissively, "But we're not talking about their cosmic love story, we're talking about why—" Nephrite abruptly stopped mid-sentence and his face twisted into a sneer directed at Kunzite, "Fucking Christ, I just figured it out."

"What?" Jadeite asked expectantly.

"You!" Nephrite accosted Kunzite and pointed at his face, "You're trying to keep them apart!" Kunzite said nothing and Nephrite continued his assault, "It didn't dawn on me before when you said it because I was so caught up in the Golden Crystal fiasco… you're trying to keep Endymion and Serenity from getting together again!"

Zoisite wordlessly agreed with the accusation and asked, "Why, Kunzite? I don't understand."

"That girl Usagi that Mamoru met holds the _ginzuishou_." Kunzite said after a long silence, "She is the Princess of old, Sailor Moon, and the greatest danger that exists to our Master's safety."

"How can you say that?" Nephrite asked in utter amazement, "She died in the fight against Beryl as well, all the _sensh_i did! They were brought back just like we were. Why? So we could duke it out again? Earth versus the Moon, just like the old days?"

"Each time those two have been together it's ended in disaster!" Kunzite shouted back.

"Oh my sweet Christ, you hypocrite!" Nephrite cried out throwing his arms up, "You just said that _we_ were to blame for what happened, that we betrayed Endymion and fucked everything up. Now you're saying it's because the Prince and Princess wanted to do a little bump-'n-grind?"

"All I know is their bond is dangerous!" Kunzite repeated his argument, "I took the crystal to prevent them from remembering who they were! All of us, Mamoru, the _senshi,_ we could die and come back a hundred times and I'd do the same thing!"

"No, Kunzite. Nephrite has a point, odd as those words sound coming out of my mouth." Jadeite stated and Nephrite rolled his eyes at the remark, "You're turning Endymion and Serenity into a scapegoat."

"No, I'm—" Kunzite started but Jadeite boldly cut him off.

"Queen Beryl is dead. Metalia is gone. There's none of the ancient evil left to cause any great calamity again!" Jadeite argued, "Hell, Mamoru and Sailor Moon were the ones who destroyed the Dark Kingdom. We shouldn't be trying to keep them separated! Now they can be together without having to fight some terrible evil!"

"They managed to find each other without the help of the Golden Crystal." Zoisite reminded them, "I think no matter what we do they are destined to be together. Keeping the _kinzuishou_ from Mamoru now is just delaying the inevitable."

Kunzite opened his mouth but Nephrite spoke first: "Face it dude, this is one deck that isn't stacked in your favor."

Kunzite's mouth remained open for a few moments before he finally closed it and looked down at the Golden Crystal. The rest of Shitennou remained silent, their breathing barely audible. The faintest glimmer of light within the facets of the _kinzuishou_ called Kunzite's attention and he heard Zoisite gasp.

"Mamoru!"

The Shitennou looked up to see a bleary-eyed and disheveled looking Mamoru standing in the kitchen doorway staring more or less directly at the gleaming Golden Crystal. Jadeite was already standing in attention and Zoisite was on the edge of his chair. William Shatner got up and paced around Mamoru's legs, sniffing him, and laid down again right beside him panting happily.

"Are you alright?" Jadeite asked, finally breaking the awkward silence.

"I'm, uh … hungry." Mamoru said with the slightest confused grin as he ran a hand through his oily hair, "And it feels like someone parked a truck on my head."

"We'll get you some aspirin." Kunzite assured him as he sprang out of his chair, "And I'm sure there's something left over to eat. Zoisite, check the—"

Mamoru cut him off, "No, thanks. Really. I, uh… I have to get home. Is my car here?"

Kunzite stalled for a moment and answered, "Well… yeah. I mean, we brought it back with us, but why don't you just crash here for the night? We've got the room."

"No, I really just want to get back to my place and rest." Mamoru said, rubbing his eyes.

"Well then let us give you a ride!" Kunzite suggested and pulled Mamoru's keys out of his pocket, "There's no need for you to risk—"

"I don't want your _fucking_ help!" Mamoru shouted which startled the Shitennou like nothing before. His face was red with anger, but still seemed twisted in confusion, "I just want to go home."

Kunzite nodded and walked around the table. Mamoru took his keys from the elder Shitennou's hand and their eyes met. The two men said nothing though they stared at each other for several long moments. Mamoru finally turned away and walked to the door.

"I'll see you guys later." He said in a melancholy voice as he walked out.

Kunzite watched the door as he heard the car's engine start and as the vehicle drove away. There was a fleeting hope in his heart that Mamoru would return, but he didn't. After staring at the empty doorway for what seemed like an hour Kunzite turned back to the Shitennou. His gaze fell on the Golden Crystall where it still sat on the kitchen table glittering madly though its light had faded again.

"Well, fearless leader?" Nephrite asked though much of the anger had left his voice Mamoru's abrupt exit, "What now?"

Kunzite didn't answer, for once not having one. There was nothing now to be done. The news was broken; the locks on Mamoru's memories were shattered. The Shitennou and their Master now stood divided and Kunzite at the center of it felt worse now than he did on the day he proclaimed his reluctant loyalty to Queen Beryl and the Dark Kingdom. This was not a betrayal of allegiance; it was a betrayal of trust which in the mind of the eldest Shitennou was the most despicable and unforgivable of all betrayals. Kunzite let the Golden Crystal lay where it was and wordlessly departed, climbing the stairs to his room without a sound.

After several long moments Nephrite sighed, "Fuck it." He stood from the table and marched to his room as well, closing the door with an audible, angry slam.

Jadeite and Zoisite were left in the silent kitchen save for the continued panting of the dog who lay in the doorway, cheerfully oblivious to its masters' pain. Zoisite got up and called William Shatner to his side, clipping a leash to the dog's collar.

"I'm gonna go take him for a walk and try to clear my head." Zoisite stated succinctly, "You want to come?"

Jadeite shook his head and remained his chair even after Zoisite and the dog were gone. He glanced up at the clock which read 1:00AM and sighed. Normally on a night like this he would already be in the living room with a bowl of popcorn ready to dive into a night of scrambled softcore, but he found no interest in that tonight. Indeed he found no interest in anything at all. He pushed his empty black mug away and laid his head down on the table resting on crossed arms. He was too tired and emotionally fatigued to even bother with climbing the stairs to his room. He slept sitting at the kitchen table that night and didn't dream about anything pleasant.


	12. Live and Let Die

With unwavering resolve the Shitennou stand ever-ready to defend the Earth from danger. Whether the enemy is wrought by the hand of man or hails from distant stars they are always on guard to form the first and last line of defense against all who would bring ruin upon the world. No great stories are told and no songs are sung of their mighty deeds for the Shitennou's righteous work must always remain unknown to the public which so often takes their labors for granted.

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Live and Let Die

"Out of Kashi again." Zoisite complained at an empty cabinet early one morning several days after the Golden Crystal debacle. He sauntered around the kitchen, William Shatner at his heel awaiting some scrap of food to fall into his periphery, "And fucking milk."

He slammed the door of the refrigerator in disgust and slumped into a chair at the kitchen table, gnawing unhappily on a granola bar that was two weeks old. The black Labrador retriever which had so recently decided to adopt the misfit family of Shitennou sat and wagged at the edge of Zoisite's chair. Unable to resist puppy-dog eyes, even in his worst moods, Zoisite broke off a chunk of granola and tossed it to the dog that caught it happily and chomped to his heart's content.

"Must be rough to be you." He mouthed offhandedly.

The copper-haired king rooted through a pile of junk on the kitchen table and managed to dig out a two-day old newspaper. The headlines advertised political scandals, a double-homicide, and a story about school board elections. He tossed the paper aside and grabbed this month's copy of _GQ_ and settled in for some study.

Kunzite joined him in the kitchen moments later as he loudly prepared a pot of coffee. As mentioned before, Kunzite was not a morning person and the percolator pushed precariously close to being punted. It took nearly five minutes for the stoic, albeit currently testy king to even register another presence in the room. He grunted in Zoisite's direction and set about microwaving a bagel.

"Good morning to you, too." He grunted back.

Kunzite gestured at the dog and asked, "What is he chewing on?"

"A piece of my granola bar."

"Jesus, Zoisite, you know if you keep feeding him scraps he won't ever learn to stop begging at the table." Kunzite preached.

"Oh come on, he doesn't beg!" Zoisite defended the dog and called him over to scratch all around his scruffy collar, "He's a good boy, isn't he? He just sits there with his big puppy dog eyes and we can't help it. Yes he does. Who's a good boy?"

William Shatner barked happily, knowing instinctually that he, as advertised, was a good boy. Kunzite would refute that fact when the dog tried to sleep on the couch or use the living room doorway as a gnawing post, but all in all the friendly Lab was a model hound. His happy yelp stirred the other occupants of the house and Nephrite and Jadeite slumped down the stairs to join their comrades.

"This four-in-the-morning shit is getting old." Jadeite complained with a yawn, leaning on the refrigerator handle.

"We're out of milk." Zoisite casually noted, his nose buried in a fashion article only he would care about.

"We're out of useful fucking morning commentary, too." Nephrite said in rare form, even in the wee waking hours, "Who's first on showers?"

"Your turn, I think." Jadeite answered.

"Nice. Good thing too, I gotta drop a hot morning deuce."

"Ahh, those are the best." Jadeite offered, "What better way to start your day?"

"Jesus Christ…" Zoisite complained with disgust.

"And just for you Zoey, I'm not gonna flush!" Nephrite hooted, "And I'm gonna take my shower extra-scalding hot to help it marinate my manly scent."

"Fuck you, Nephrite, my god you're foul." He answered the threat as his guffawing colleague slammed the bathroom door behind him.

"Nice to see you two are still so cordial." Kunzite grumbled and sipped his tar-black coffee.

"Oh, they've always been the best of friends." Jadeite commented and laughed, recalling a story: "Remember back in the day when you had Nephrite's favorite sword coated with honey or something? What did he do? He got one of the palace carpenters of Elysian to saw the legs off all the tables and chairs in your room, right?"

Zoisite glanced up from his magazine with a dull, listless expression and Jadeite's smile faltered. Kunzite too was glaring at the younger king with a disapproving grimace. The hot hiss of Nephrite's shower prevented him from hearing the exchange, but he would likely have had a similar reaction.

"Right. Right." Jadeite said coldly, almost growling, "The past didn't happen."

"Yes it did." Kunzite answered him.

"Well everyone else seems to want to think it didn't." He snapped back, "Yeah, I'm sure the rest of the world wouldn't take it so well if we told them our ancient civilization screwed up so badly that we reset the evolutionary clock a few million years, but god damn it that was _my_ life too."

"Jadeite, just… don't." Zoisite pleaded with him, rubbing his hands across his face, "Not this early."

"Oh come on Zoisite, you're the bleeding heart in this bunch, are you seriously okay with this don't-ask-don't-tell bullshit about our past lives?" Jadeite berated him.

"Jadeite, the past is the past for a reason." Kunzite stressed to his colleague as reassuringly as possible while the sun was still below the horizon, which was not much at all, "We're here, _now_, and today is what we should be focusing on."

"Today, huh?" Jadeite huffed back.

"Yes. Especially in light of certain … events." Kunzite said and his gaze fell on the Golden Crystal where it still sat on the kitchen table, undisturbed for days.

"Well…" Jadeite said and though for a moment, steeling his gaze at his superior, "I'm sorry, but I have a memory and I choose to access it from time to time, good or bad. It was _my_ life too and I'm not the type to just close the book and move on."

"Jadeite, we _have_ moved on!" Kunzite almost hollered.

"Whatever. I'm gonna go watch CNN and pretend I give a rat's ass about the year 2012." Jadeite grumbled and exited.

Kunzite's authoritarian instincts got the better of him and the back of Jadeite's head morphed into a large blonde target for his fist, but he was stopped in mid thought by the angry growl of William Shatner who was baring his teeth at Kunzite, something which the usually docile canine had never done.

"How appropriate." He commented and relaxed his already stressed brain, "Even your mutt is against me."

"I'm not against you, Kunzite. I just think you could be handling this whole situation a little better." Zoisite told him without looking up from his magazine.

"Really?" The morning-weary Kunzite asked smarmily, "And how would you be handling this _situation_, Zoisite?"

With the challenge issued Zoisite closed his magazine, folded his hands together and stated: "For starters I'd stop taking out the anger of your fuck-ups on the people you're supposed to care about most."

Kunzite blinked for a moment, stunned, and Zoisite continued, "Then, instead of berating us every time we open our mouths with a suggestion I would listen to what your fellow Shitennou have to say, us being a _team_ and all."

He finished: "Finally, I would have tried to make amends with Mamoru as soon as humanly possible and not let a second of ill temper pass between us rather than cower in reclusive fear for almost a week."

Kunzite was speechless for a moment but retaliated with, "Well Christ, Zoisite, when did the balls drop on you?"

The younger king smirked and said, "You might not like that I sleep until noon and have credit card debt or that I pay attention to fashion and trends and all the other things I take shit for around here, but I'm still one of _us_, Kunzite, and this whole thing with the Golden Crystal, for me, has dredged up a lot of memories of the pain we've endured together."

"Pain…" Kunzite mused, "Seems to be what we're best at."

"Jadeite likes to remember all the good times we shared, but he feels it just like the rest of us." Zoisite said and motioned to the Golden Crystal, "It's been at the center of our lives forever. It's what should bind us together, but I feel like the last few weeks it's been tearing us apart."

Kunzite looked down at the floor, set down his coffee and said, "I don't know what to do."

Jadeite cocked his head over the back of the couch at the sound of that statement and his eyes were wide in wonder. Zoisite was contemplative. Even William Shatner, normally alert and animated seemed to be struck still.

"How many thousands of years did it take for you to say that, Kunzite?" Zoisite asked the elder king, "It's all you've ever needed to say."

"I don't like … this …" Kunzite admitted and gestured to the world around him, "I'm used to being able to see everything, to plan ahead, to have all the answers."

"You know there are four of us for a reason, don't you?" Jadeite asked, having returned to the conversation.

"We're supposed to do these things _together_, Kunzite." Zoisite told him, "It doesn't matter if you're the oldest or the strongest. You can lead in battle or debate, but we're supposed to act as one."

"But still…" Kunzite started.

Jadeite interrupted him, "You don't have to fix this all by yourself. Seriously, the 'fearless leader' routine has overstayed its welcome by a few centuries."

Kunzite chuckled slightly at the remark, which was a welcome reprieve from his usual stone-faced morning scowl. The door of the bathroom kicked open and Nephrite walked out, hair matted down from the steam, girt with a towel.

"What did I miss?" He asked, picking up on the stalled conversation lingering in the air.

"Kunzite just said, I quote, that he doesn't know what to do." Jadeite answered.

Nephrite groaned, his shoulders slumped and he rolled his head around and into the wall. "The fucking things I miss."

"Wonderful." Kunzite growled, "Thank you for turning my vulnerable moment of self-realization into today's farce."

"Oh Kunzite, come on." Jadeite goaded him, "You know what they say: 'If you can't laugh at yourself' and all that."

"Yes, but I prefer to laugh at you!" Kunzite shouted and lunged at Jadeite.

His speed caught him off guard and Jadeite couldn't move out of the way. Kunzite latched onto his younger colleague's wrist and twisted his arm behind his back. Jadeite let out a yelp and began wildly struggling against his grasp.

"I remember when I used to do this to you frequently back in Elysian." Kunzite laughed and the other Shitennou eventually joined him, "What is it you're supposed to say?"

"UNCLE!" Jadeite screamed with all his might.

Kunzite relented and Jadeite burst free, falling flat on his face on top of the kitchen table. His colleagues were all roundly amused and he himself ended up laughing. It was a welcome moment of camaraderie in the midst of recent weighted events. He dragged himself off the table and his arm brushed the Golden Crystal and knocked it onto a vacant chair. It rolled off the edge of the chair and onto the floor and settled in front of William Shatner.

The eyes of the collective Shitennou grew wide and time seemed to stop. None of them with all their strength and skill could move fast enough. The dog sniffed the stone curiously and with one great flourish of its broad tongue gulped the Golden Crystal into its mouth and swallowed it whole. William Shatner returned to panting happily no doubt expecting more divine table scraps. Words wouldn't come. The Shitennou could do little but silently stare at the canine who for lack of a better description had just eaten their birthright.

"What do we do?" Jadeite asked helplessly.

"We have to get it out of him." Nephrite declared and reached up to a nearby shelf and grabbed his Bowie knife.

"Wait, no!" Zoisite stopped him, "You're not cutting my dog open!"

"So should we wait?" Nephrite asked, "In a few hours the Golden Crystal will return as a tightly coiled lump in the back yard and we may very well cease to exist! It's time to get Ol' Yeller on this hound."

"Nephrite, come on!" Kunzite stopped his impulsive companion, "It's the ancient, mystic conduit to the energy of the planet. I don't think the dog is going to be able to digest that."

"Well maybe I don't want to take the chance of literally dying in dog shit!" Nephrite countered.

"Just take it easy!" Kunzite ordered and forced Nephrite's knife-wielding hand down, "Now I think if we give it a couple hours he'll either cough it back up or just pass it naturally."

"Pass it? Naturally?" Nephrite repeated, incredulous, "This is the Golden Crystal we're talking about, you remember? The source of life on Earth? And you want to pick it out of a steaming dog pile?"

"This dog is part of the Earth, just like us." Kunzite defended his decision, "And what would Mamoru tell us? He certainly wouldn't want us to kill the dog!"

"Even if it meant the end of the world?" Nephrite asked.

"You know the answer to that just like the rest of us." Jadeite answered instead, "Mamoru wouldn't willingly kill any creature on this planet. Hell, he doesn't even swat at mosquitoes that sting him."

"Yes, that's our king, ladies and gentlemen." Nephrite agreed with a roll of his eyes and grudgingly placed his knife back on its shelf, "Whatever. If we die it's on the rest of you and I'm sure as hell not gonna be the one to fish it out of his crap."

"I'll do it." Kunzite offered with a heavy sigh, "Seeing has how this is all pretty much my fault to begin with and bullshit and blah blah blah…"

"Woah, woah!" Nephrite said taking a few steps back, "What's this now, you finally ready to get your hands dirty?"

"You'd better watch how much you wag that chin, Nephrite or I'm gonna get dirty with _you_." Kunzite said sternly and pointed for added emphasis.

"Well alright!" Nephrite hooted and clapped his hands, "Boys, I do believe we're starting to get through to him!"

"Alright! Come on, seriously!" Zoisite said as he stood up, "This is going to lead to a fight if we let it and we're already running late, so let's just focus here."

"Right." Kunzite agreed, "Zoisite you're up next in the shower. I'm gonna put together the specials menu for today. You guys keep an eye on the dog."

"Hey, what are we gonna do with him while we're at work?" Jadeite called after Kunzite who was already halfway up the stairs to his room.

"Bring him along!" He called back.

The door slammed and Jadeite shrugged, "Bring him along, he says."

"Don't look at me." Nephrite warned, "I'll toss his ass on the grill; get that Crystal out right quick."

William Shatner turned his head at Nephrite's remark and made and inquisitive grunt. The warlord-king kept up his badass air for as long as possible, but even he was not immune to the canine's natural inborn charms. He reached down and scratched the dog behind the ear while Jadeite wasn't looking.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" Zoisite cried angrily from the bathroom, "You can't ever just leave it at a joke, Nephrite, can you? Did you seriously have to not flush?"

Zoisite continued ranting while Jadeite and Nephrite chuckled inwardly to each other. Business as usual.

Speaking of business, business was slow at the Four Kings Bar and Grill for a change. The breakfast crowd passed without incident as did lunch. The restaurant rarely came into its own before 7PM. Once the sun started to go down and the nine-to-five crowd could start to relax things always picked up. Since Mamoru's impromptu Johnny Cash performance many patrons inquired whether he would be a returning act, but the Shitennou were forced to make up stories about why they didn't know if he would. Cosmic events, past lives and birthrights didn't suit the roadhouse standard for conversation, despite some colorful drunken rambling at Nephrite's bar.

Tonight however the tables were only sparsely seated and only a few patrons sat at the bar including Andrew, the disgraced real estate agent who had become one of their best customers. Nephrite's eyes were trained on the doors almost every night waiting for, as he felt, the inevitable return of the sultry Lita who had not patronized his establishment for many days. He silently butchered himself for taking his time and not making a move on her sooner.

"'Nother." Andrew slurred and motioned to his glass.

Nephrite obliged him and started, "Andy, let me ask you something."

"No."

"What exactly happened between you and Lita?" He asked anyway.

"You get what 'no' means?" Andy sassed back.

"Never heard the word in my life." Nephrite said and made it very plain for Andrew to see that he was intending to hold his next beer hostage until he got an answer.

"Fine." He grumbled and Nephrite set his glass down on a coaster in front of him.

"So did she leave you at the altar or something?" Asked the inquisitive bartender.

"What? God! No!" Andy sputtered almost disgusted, "You think I'm that dense?"

Nephrite only shrugged, honestly.

"Lita and I … when we were in high school …" Andrew started and Nephrite yelped with laughter.

"You're serious?" He asked, "High school?"

"Do you want to fucking hear this?" His inebriated patron asked and he obliged him to continue, "So, we were in high school, like, high school sweethearts, whatever. I used to work this stupid fucking arcade in the mall and she would sneak in the back room to help me, uh, 'count tickets' we called it."

"Uh huh." Nephrite said groaning at the tacky pet name for their clandestine encounters.

"Well, I didn't see her for a few years when we went away to college, but we hooked up one summer break and it was… just great." Andy remembered fondly, "But this one night we were together and she just… I don't know, she just got … rough."

"Rough?" Nephrite asked, intrigued.

"Not rough like 'Hey let's break out the handcuffs' kind of rough." Andrew clarified, "I mean like, she snapped. I ended up with bruises, a black eye, she fucking bit me at one point."

"Love bite?" Nephrite wondered.

"No, a fucking went-for-my-jugular bite." Andrew corrected him and pointed to teeth-shaped scars on his neck hidden under the collar of his shirt, "I don't know what the hell happened to her after that. I locked myself in the bathroom and she spent the night trying to break the door down screaming at the top of her lungs calling me a coward and… fuck I don't know."

"She sounds batshit insane." Nephrite commented in his inimitable way.

"We fell out of touch after that." Andrew said after a long drink of his beer, "She never tried to apologize for that night or even explain herself. This whole narcissistic badass hard-drinking hard-swearing thing she's got going on now doesn't match up with the girl I knew."

"Well, people change Andy. You're proof of that." Nephrite said somewhat sympathetically.

"Not like this." Andrew stated, "Whatever happened to Lita is different. She never even called herself that; it was a nickname the coach of the volleyball team gave her that she hated. She was always just Lydia Tanner, my girl next door."

"Heartwarming Andy, truly." Nephrite said having gleaned all the information he needed, "Next one's on the house."

"Yeah." He said distantly and pondered the inside of his glass.

The auburn haired king looked up from his work about an hour later and saw a familiar girl enter the restaurant. She was one of the blondes that Kunzite more or less threw out of the place the night Mamoru had his seizure. _Sailor Moon_, one half of his mind told him, _The Princess_, said the other. He shuffled towards the window to the kitchen and whistled for Kunzite to come forward. He stuck his head out and his eyes fell immediately on the girl and his heart sank a bit.

"Jadeite, go watch the grill." Kunzite ordered and pulled off his soiled apron.

He emerged through the double swinging doors just as Usagi approached the counter. She was smiling as she tended to do in just about any situation. Her large blue eyes seemed utterly innocent, but Kunzite was on his guard all the same. Force of habit where _senshi_ were concerned.

"Hello." She said politely.

"Can I help you?" Kunzite asked somewhat less politely.

"I… I was in the area and I just wanted to stop in." She said, "I don't know if you remember me, I was—"

"You were here a few nights ago." Kunzite cut her off, "I remember."

"Right, well… that man who was here that night, Mamoru, is he okay?" She asked with as much concern as if Mamoru were a beloved family member, "I wanted to come by earlier, but, I'm not sure if I should have even come back."

Kunzite remembered how tactlessly harsh he was on Usagi and her friend that night and softened his demeanor a bit, "It was a long day and we were all a little on edge. I didn't mean to snap at you like I did, certainly not to a valued customer."

"I don't mean to be rude, but I don't care about that." Usagi told him, "Is Mamoru all right?"

"Yes." Kunzite answered after a moment's hesitation, not having much information to go on, "He's been… taking it easy for the last few days."

"Oh!" Usagi breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank goodness. I was so worried!"

"He mentioned you once to me." Kunzite told the young girl which surprised her, "When we were first planning to open this restaurant he said he met you at a gym downtown."

"Yes…" she answered slowly, "He told you that?"

"Usagi, let me ask you something." Kunzite pressed his question and Usagi seemed to pale under his gaze, "Do you believe in fate?"

"I… I… uh…"

"Mamoru is a very close, very dear friend of mine." He told the girl, "I feel like I've known him for _ages_. Sometimes people feel a certain connection to others that they can't explain. It goes deeper than affection, or friendship, even deeper than love."

"I don't understand."

"I think we share a similar connection to Mamoru." Kunzite mused, "He's a very special individual and I'm sure he'd be touched that you came back here to check up on him."

Usagi was already feeling somewhat off her game during this strange conversation so what Kunzite said next threw her completely for a loop.

"How would you like a job here, Usagi?"

"I beg your pardon?" She asked, stunned.

"I overheard your conversation with Mamoru that you asked him to get in touch with you when we got the place up and running." Kunzite explained, "I don't know if you've noticed, but it's just the four of us. We could certainly use a hand around here."

"Well, I- I'm not sure, I'd have to totally reset my schedule first!" She said, worried, but at the same time feeling a peculiar excitement.

"Make whatever arrangements you need to and let me know when you can start." Kunzite almost ordered as he presented her with the bar & grill's business card.

"Uh… okay." She agreed, "Right. I will. Thank you."

"We'll see you soon." Kunzite said in a low voice and turned back to the kitchen leaving Usagi standing near the counter still a bit stupefied.

"Did you just offer her a job?" Zoisite asked dumbfounded.

"That I did and don't say we don't need the help." Kunzite answered and reapplied his apron, "I'm tired of listening to you whine about how much your feet hurt every day."

"Yeah, except she is the one person you directly stated poses the greatest risk to Mamoru's safety." Nephrite reminded him as he wiped down the bar, "Or did you forget that part of your latest tirade?"

"No gentlemen, I haven't." Kunzite answered, "Suffice it to say I couldn't sleep the other night so I stayed up until four in the morning watching old episodes of The A-Team and decided it was high time to come up with a plan for how to handle this quagmire I got us into."

"A plan?" Jadeite asked as Kunzite butted in front of him at the grill.

"Yes sir." The eldest king answered, "You guys just stay sharp and watch me for the changes. You know I love a good plan." Kunzite poured a stream of wine into his frying pan full of chicken and the alcohol flared up into a brilliant blue flame, "And I love it when a plan comes together!"

* * *

Zoisite was dreaming about some gray, foggy event. It might have been high school. It might have been a NASCAR race. To be sure it didn't matter. Zoisite's dreams tended to drift aimlessly from one topic to the next. There was little cohesion in his unconscious mind.

"Zoisite!"

The dream world he inhabited started to shift and distort. Mountains in the distance spiraled up into the sky and then slapped him in the face, only it felt soft and gentle, not the smashing cold impact of a million tons of earth.

"Zoisite!"

The world of his unconscious peeled away slowly and he barely began to recognize the shapes and contours of the mass of pillows on which he slept. His bedroom faded into view although he was not quite awake he was also not fully convinced he wasn't still dreaming. He had a tendency to have dreams within dreams, waking up several times before actually surfacing in reality.

"Zoisite!"

"Mmrrrfff…" he groand, "Whathafuck?"

He blinked several times and saw William Shatner sitting at the edge of his bed glaring at him with his big brown puppy dog eyes. He was panting slightly as he tended to do. It was pitch black outside and Zoisite was still sore from a day of work at the bar and grill. Regardless, his concept of time was shot.

"Zoisite." The dog spoke in a curiously familiar voice. William Shatner's canine snout pulled up into a happy grin, "Hey, how's it going?" He asked.

Zoisite screamed. The whole city block was awake in seconds.


	13. Pet Sounds

The tides of fate ebb and flow at the command of powers greater than what man can perceive and standing between us and the ever-churning sea of destiny are the Shitennou. Where no man can tread there you'll find them locked in their never-ending struggle to maintain the currents of fortune so that men may never feel the burden of their impossible task.

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Pet Sounds

"Well the police are finally leaving." Kunzite said with a slam of the door and an angry glare towards Zoisite, "We managed to avoid a noise violation thanks to the first-offense loophole."

"My god damned ears are still ringing." Nephrite complained as he whacked himself in the side of the head with his palm.

"And I'm just fine, thanks for asking." Zoisite returned. He was huddled up in a defensive posture in the corner of the kitchen eying William Shatner suspiciously. The dog was lying on the floor doing nothing in particular, just being a dog.

"I knew you could scream, but my god!" Jadeite added with a yawn.

"Yes, Zoisite screams like a girl." Zoisite said with an added eye-roll, "Doesn't anybody care about the real issue here?"

"There is no issue, Zoisite." Kunzite informed his blithering companion.

"Uh… yes there is!" He returned, "That dog _spoke_ to me."

"Zoisite, you were dreaming." Kunzite said with certainty, "We're all tired, we're stressed, we've been working god-awful hours. You just had a really vivid dream and got carried away with it."

"It wasn't a dream you dicks!" The shivering Shitennou replied, "He talked to me!"

"I sleep less than twenty feet away from you and I didn't hear a thing." Kunzite reminded his roommate, "You were dreaming. That's all."

"I am not!" Zoisite huffed, starting to let his composure slip.

"Okay, then." Nephrite said and spun around in his chair. He called William Shatner over to jump up with his paws on his lap and the dog obliged, licking his face happily, "Ok, boy. Now… speak! Come on, speak! Say _"Zoisite is going crazy, he needs to eat more complex carbohydrates!"_ Come on!"

William Shatner continued licking Nephrite's nose and jumped down after a few moments, chewed a tuft of fur on his rear end, then slid down onto the floor in a ball and drifted off to sleep again. Nephrite smirked and flashed Zoisite a thumbs-up.

"Well, I'm going back to bed." Jadeite announced as he stretched for all he was worth, "We have to get up in three hours and do it all over again."

"Yeah, I'm fuckin' beat." Nephrite agreed.

"Wait a minute, what the hell am I supposed to do?" Zoisite demanded, "I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight, not with this dog in my room!"

"Well he's _your_ dog, Zoi." Jadeite reminded him, "He's not sleeping in my room."

"Mine either!" Nephrite called from the top of the stairs.

"I can't leave him down here; he'll tear the place apart!" Zoisite argued.

"Really?" Nephrite asked sticking his head down the stairs, "An articulate, learned animal like him and he'd still rip up the garbage and piss on the couch?"

Zoisite growled in response and stomped up the stairs. Recognizing the sound of his master's footsteps William Shatner jumped up off the ground and followed. Kunzite was lagging slightly behind to keep an eye on the dog. Ridiculous as Zoisite's story was, he was still weighing all the possible options. The Golden Crystal which the dog had accidentally eaten the previous day was still sitting in his stomach for all the Shitennou knew, so perhaps there was some element of truth to Zoisite's story.

"This is ridiculous." Zoisite whined as the dog circled around on the carpet next to the bed and finally flopped down in a curled sleeping ball, "I'm so creeped out by him now."

"Just go to sleep, Zoi." Kunzite more or less ordered from beyond the divider in their shared room.

Zoisite whined to himself and turned over in his bed, grabbing a mass of pillows and sheets and basically burying himself alive as was his sleeping habit. He glanced at William Shatner and could have sworn the dog winked an eye in his direction. The cowering king shut his eyes tight, covered his head with a pillow, and whined softly into the mattress until he fell uneasily asleep. Time had no meaning for Zoisite when he was engaged in one of his favorite activities, that of sleeping, but he instinctively knew several hours had passed when he was awakened by a voice.

"Zoisite."

The copper-haired king clutched the sheets around his head and ignored the voice. Dogs couldn't talk; it was a fact of nature unless evolution had leaped ahead a few eons. He shoved pillows against his head trying to muffle every outside noise.

"Zoisite, come on!"

"You're not real!" The cowering Shitennou called from under his mountain of covers and pillows.

"Get up, Zoi! We're going to be later than we already are!"

Suddenly Zoisite realized the voice that was calling him was Jadeite, not the hellishly possessed demon-dog that slept at the foot of his bed. He unraveled his cocoon and was belted in the face by the piercing rays of the sun.

"Gah!" He shrieked and threw his hands up, "Why is the fucking sun up?"

"It has to do with the way the planet rotates." Jadeite remarked dryly, "Kunzite got up and left at the regular time, but it looks like he reset our alarms so we could sleep in."

"How nice of him." Zoisite drawled groggily and rubbed his eyes.

"Yeah, well let's not look a horse…" Jadeite stopped mid sentence looking confused, "A horse. Wait, uh… don't look in the mouth of a horse?"

Zoisite was silent for a long moment, "What?"

"Daniel Fucking Webster here means to say "_Don't look a gift horse in the mouth"_." Nephrite said poking his head around the corner of Zoisite's bedroom door, "Let's get going."

"Alright, alright." Zoisite agreed, "Wait, you said Kunzite already left. How does he expect us to get there?"

"He didn't take the car." Jadeite answered, "He took the bus, maybe? Or walked?"

"Walked?" Zoisite scoffed, "The bar & grill is on the other side of the city."

"You know Kunzite…" Jadeite said as he left the room and Zoisite had to agree that he did. The chief Shitennou was obsessive to the point of bodily harm so a ten-mile hike at four in the morning likely wouldn't faze him in the least.

Zoisite forced himself out of his cozy bed with no small amount of effort and paced around his bedroom for several moments trying to break out of his aggressive morning lethargy. The horn of their shared Jeep Liberty sounded and he rolled his eyes at the impatience of his companions. With no time to take a proper shower he simply decided to overdose on the Axe cologne and brush his teeth on the way. He tied up his scraggly copper hair in a ponytail and started getting dressed. He was almost ready to go, but couldn't find his left shoe.

"Oh, sorry." A voice said from near his knees and William Shatner pulled Zoisite's missing shoe out from under his bid and dropped it at his feet, "I was chewing on it last night."

Zoisite's lower lip quivered as he regarded the dog and a curious squeak escaped his throat, the prelude to a much grander symphony that was sure to come.

"Zoisite, please don't!" The dog pleaded, in a voice almost like a bark, "Hyper-sensitive hearing! I almost went deaf after the last time!"

"No." Zoisite said and put his mangled shoe on without looking and started for the door.

"No?" The talkative canine asked, "What does that mean?"

"It means no!" Zoisite shouted back as he ran down the stairs, "I'm not talking to you, because you're not talking to me!"

"Well, I beg to differ!" The dog said as he chased his master down the stairs with his collar and tags rattling along.

"Dogs don't talk!" Zoisite shouted again, pulling open the closet door and grabbing his jacket from the hanger with panicked ferocity.

"Well, this one does and I need to talk to you!" the retriever insisted, "Please don't make me growl and bite your pant leg."

"Dogs don't have lips!" Zoisite announced somewhat shakily, "You can't say things like _please_ and _pants_, therefore you're not actually talking!"

"Seriously? That's what you're basing this argument on?" The dog balked, fur starting to stand on end.

"And you can't make _"B"_ sounds either!" Zoisite said happily and began humming to himself, "Come on now, you perfectly silent canine. Time for you to go in your cage!"

"Yeah, about that…" William Shatner started to speak, but Zoisite grabbed him by the collar and started dragging him towards his cage which sat in the entryway of the house. The Shitennou shoved mightily and latched the door tight once he was in.

"I don't like being in the cage!" William Shatner pleaded while making puppy dog eyes that went unnoticed because Zoisite refused to look at him out of sheer bloody terror.

"Well, you're a dog. Dogs have to stay in cages sometimes." Zoisite squeaked, "One of us will be home around lunch time to feed you your tasty dry kibbles! Mmmm!" The quivering King turned to leave and pulled the door open.

"ZOISITE!" The voice from the cage cried out, but this voice was different. It was deeper, powerful and extremely familiar. Zoisite turned around carefully and looked straight into the dog's eyes. His heart sank.

"Is this the hospitality you show to your Prince?"

* * *

Kunzite was tapping his fingers somewhat nervously on the counter while staring at the clock as the arms ticked away the minutes. He knew from the moment he decided to let his companions sleep in that it was going to be a bad idea, but his current streak of uncharacteristic compassion was winning him over. They'd be there soon, he thought, he would just have to make do by himself and pray the breakfast crowd was minimal.

Thankfully the crowd was light, only a few patrons and most of them only wanted coffee. It wasn't great business, but it was manageable on a one-man staff. A small group of elderly men sat at the bar sipping their coffee talking about all sorts of things that bothered them, but seeming fairly nonchalant about most of it as though minor annoyances were a frequent topic of discussion. An early-rising soccer mom was seated at a table reading a magazine over some French toast. However, sitting at a table near a window and looking completely out of place in a greasy-spoon roadhouse diner setting was a young woman rather smartly dressed and flipping through a giant tome of a book. Her thin glasses were practically falling off her face and the morning sun caught her dark hair in such a way that it reflected very dark blue highlights. She had a very out-of-the-ordinary look about her and it intrigued the kingly proprietor. He would have taken time to introduce himself had he not been left to run the place alone.

"Hey." Kunzite heard a voice call from the bar and he whirled around in surprise.

Mamoru was sitting there several stools away from the chattering old men. He hadn't shaved in several days Kunzite could tell although the rest of him looked fairly well put-together. His hands were folded on the counter and he nervously checked and rechecked the time on his watch. Kunzite was stuck for anything to say, even a greeting. His mouth was agape.

"So, how's business?" Mamoru asked, obviously a bit anxious himself.

"Um… good." Kunzite replied and shook himself from his stupor, "I mean, slower than usual this morning, but good all around."

"Yeah, I've been hearing good things…" Mamoru offered and went back to studying his watch.

Kunzite was at a loss. He asked quickly, "Can I get you something? I mean, on the house of course."

"Yeah, coffee's fine." Mamoru answered and a piping hot of black coffee was set before him.

He took a sip and his face lit up with surprise and he almost spit it out, but swallowed harshly.

"What? What's wrong?" Kunzite asked worriedly.

"_DAMN_ good coffee!" Mamoru shouted and startled every patron in the establishment, "And _HOT!_"

Kunzite looked absolutely perplexed as Mamoru took another, smaller sip of coffee and replaced the cup on its saucer with a sizeable grin on his face. The two men said nothing for a moment, though Kunzite's lip curled up into a slight smile in spite of himself. He had known his Master to be somewhat eccentric and flighty, but Mamoru was swinging for the fences today.

"Um…" He started shakily, "I meant to call you, or, you know, get together or something."

"Kunzite…" Mamoru said slowly and shook his head a bit, "Listen, I'm sorry for storming out on you guys. It's just, I'm sure you know how I felt."

"Oh, of course, yes I do!" Kunzite assured him, "I'm sure it was just awful."

"Oh, you have no idea!" Mamoru replied, "When I hit the deck after playing my Johnny Cash thing, I seriously thought that was it! Time to check out!" Mamoru told him and Kunzite became confused again, "I remember talking to someone and then _BAM_ right down. Low blood sugar or something, I dunno."

"Really?" Kunzite asked probingly, "That's what you remember?"

"That and waking up at your house with a headache the size of an Escalade." He replied, "I was just in a pissy mood at that point, hormones out of whack, you know. I didn't mean anything by it."

"I, uh…" Kunzite stuttered, "I'm sure you didn't. That—that's all you remember?"

"Pretty much." Mamoru replied and sipped at his coffee, "Why? Oh God… I didn't like, go all lucid while I was unconscious and start sleep-talking did I?"

"No." Kunzite replied distantly, "It's just…" Mamoru stared at him intently but Kunzite shook his head and said, "Never mind."

"Good, I thought I might've really upset you guys." Mamoru said sorrowfully, "I haven't heard from you in like a week."

"Well, we've been pretty busy here with the new place." Kunzite said honestly.

"Maybe it's time to start hiring on some more hands?" Mamoru asked and motioned for a refill of his, apparently, damn good coffee.

"I actually did hire someone the other day." Kunzite told him, "Your friend Usagi, actually."

Mamoru had his coffee cup in his hand, but he stopped an inch from his lips and seemed to freeze solid. He put his cup back down and started gnawing on his lips, "Usagi?"

"Yeah, you remember. She was here the night you passed out." Kunzite reminded him, "She stopped in yesterday to ask if you were alright. I overheard her talking to you about needing a job."

"Right." Mamoru answered distantly.

"Actually, speak of the devil!" Kunzite said as he saw through the door that Usagi was on her way in. She waved through the glass to greet him and Kunzite waved back. Mamoru didn't move a muscle.

"Hey there!" Usagi greeted Mamoru as she walked up to the counter, "Looks like the Man in Black is all better!" She gave him a pat on the shoulder and Mamoru lurched out of his seat as if he was just struck with a hot iron.

"Mamoru?" She asked with concern.

"I'm sorry." He replied coldly and turned away, "I have to… go."

He practically sprinted out the door leaving it to slam behind him. Kunzite raised an eyebrow, an outward sign of concern that to anyone but his fellow Shitennou would look completely normal. Within their ranks it means that the eldest King was about to commit all of his power and effort into uncovering what made Mamoru turn tail and run.

"Wha—" Usagi gasped and turned to Kunzite, "He is alright, isn't he?"

"Yeah…" He stalled for a moment thinking of an excuse, "You know him, though. Scatterbrained. I'm sure he didn't even realize it was you. He was on his way out anyway."

"Well, I guess he must be pretty busy with med school coing up." Usagi mused, "I hope I didn't spook him. I mean, I was there after all when he… you know."

"Oh, Mamoru doesn't scare easily." Kunzite assured her, "I'm sure he's fine." He knew better, but he didn't need to let on that he was worried. Keeping this girl Usagi in the dark was one of the primary reasons he wanted to keep her close to the Shitennou, to keep her under their watchful eye.

"Where is everyone?" she asked, looking around to see a relatively empty roadhouse.

"That's a good question!" Kunzite answered, "My idiot band seems to be running excessively late. At this point we'll be lucky if they make the lunch rush."

"We?" Usagi asked almost hopelessly, "Hey, I don't even officially work here yet!"

"We can take care of the paperwork and scheduling later." Kunzite explained and reached behind him to the counter where a white apron lay balled up. He offered it to Usagi, "What do you say to a trial by fire?"

She eyed the garment with a look of dread and suspicion, but accepted it anyway. It had been some time since she was issued a challenge outside of schoolwork which she mostly despised. Somehow the thought of wrangling in a room full of customers by herself appealed to Usagi. She was always comfortable around people, regardless of who they were, and now was as good a time as any to prove to Kunzite how valuable she could be in a crisis.

"Well, let's get cracking!" She announced and joined her new boss behind the bar.

Kunzite smiled warmly at her, but his thoughts were elsewhere. Only days ago Mamoru was transfixed by Usagi. Now her presence didn't bother him in the least. He had just run out on her as if she were carrying a virulent strain of plague. Something was still not right with his Master and he aimed to find out what. Despite not having regained all the memories of his past life Mamoru's reaction didn't in any way fit towards the girl he had fallen in love with twice. He filed his ruminations away for later as the door of the roadhouse opened and patrons began to flood in. Usagi gulped. Kunzite chuckled.

It was never good when Kunzite chuckled.

* * *

"Will you let me out of here now?" William Shatner the dog asked the stunned Zoisite.

"I—I—You just…" Zoisite stuttered. There was a loud knock on the door and he ducked out of the way so whoever it is couldn't see him through the glass.

"Zoisite!" Nephrite's customarily angry voice hollered, "We need to fucking go!"

Zoisite was torn. The talking dog who was so recently Zoisite's barking, kibble-munching companion was now doing spot-on impressions of his Master Endymion. On the other hand, he kind of had to go to work at the bar and grill that carried his name.

"Uh…" He stammered, trying to come up with something. Anything.

"Come on, Zoisite." The dog said under his doggie breath, "It's Nephrite. It can't be that hard to come up with an excuse that he'll buy."

"Zoisite!" Nephrite shouted through the door again, "I swear to god…"

"Ok, you don't have to yell!" Zoisite shouted back, "You'll wake up the whole neighborhood."

"Get your faggot ass out here right now!" Nephrite demanded.

"I can't, I'm—" Zoisite stalled, "I've got… diarrhea."

William Shatner laughed. Hearing a dog laugh was in and of itself hysterical, but Zoisite bit down on his lips so hard he thought it would bleed, "I'll call a taxi. This is going to take a minute."

"Jesus Christ…" Nephrite was heard to say as he turned away from the door and stomped down the stairs. Moments later the Jeep sped away leaving Zoisite alone with the curiously conversational canine.

"Okay, not your best work." William Shatner noted off-handedly, "Effective though."

Zoisite turned to him silently and just stared. He was not about to let the animal's outburst earlier go unnoticed. The voice this dog produced was unmistakable. It was Prince Endymion's voice, the voice he used so long ago in the far-off past.

"Who are you?" Zoisite asked. His voice was quaking.

"Please let me out of here." The dog pleaded, "I really don't like this cage."

Zoisite relented and undid the latch. William Shatner sauntered out and stretched his fore legs, then his hind legs and with a satisfied shake of his whole body slumped against the wall of the kitchen and laid down, panting happily.

"I get awful cramps." He said candidly.

Zoisite walked into the kitchen and pulled out one of the chairs. He sat down and eyed the creature suspiciously. His apprehension was not lost on the animal and so he got up and pawed his way over and sat down to face Zoisite directly. The Shitennou found it extremely unnerving despite the dog's efforts to be accommodating.

"Is this better?" He asked, hoping for a decent reply.

"You spoke with my Master's voice." Zoisite said accusatorily, "I want to know who you are."

"Well, it's kind of hard to explain…" The dog stated.

"Were you a youma?" Zoisite asked, "Did you follow us here from the Dark Kingdom thinking you could live off our scraps?"

"I don't remember you being this suspicious." The animal said as he reminisced.

"And I don't know _you_ at all!" Zoisite shouted and the dog winced at the loud noise, "You're a frigging dog! Who are you? Where did you come from?"

"Calm down, Zoisite!" The dog spoke again in Endymion's voice and every hair stood up electrified on the back of the Shitennou's neck.

"How can you _do_ that?" Zoisite demanded.

"Because I _am_ Endymion." The dog answered and hung his head slightly, "… sort of."

"What?" Zoisite asked dumbstruck, "How can that be?"

"Actually, let me explain." The dog said, "I'm not exactly Endymion. I'm sort of an imprint. An after-image, I suppose, but not just of the Prince. Mamoru as well."

"How?"

"My guess is it has something to do with when I…" The dog started answering and then suddenly looked very timid and frightened, "…When I ate the Golden Crystal."

"Oh."

"Yeah…" He trailed off, "I don't know why or how exactly, but whoever uses the Golden Crystal leaves behind an imprint of themselves on it, it's how the _senshi_ can be brought back from the dead as long as their Sailor Crystals remain intact."

"Their what?" Zoisite asked.

"Right… um, tell you what. It's not important right now." The Endymion-Dog answered, "What's important is that you take me to Mamoru right away."

"What? Why?" Zoisite stuttered his question.

"Because the Golden Crystal shouldn't be carrying Mamoru's imprint while he's still alive." The candid canine answered, "I have his memories, I know he came in contact with the _ginzuishou_ and it had a profound effect on him."

"We haven't seen him since then." Zoisite explained, "He seemed, much moodier than his normal self."

"Mamoru isn't complete." The dog explained simply, "He wasn't to begin with and now it seems he's missing even more of himself, namely the imprint he left behind on the Golden Crystal."

"How did this happen?" Zoisite asked, intrigued by the mysteries of the magical.

"I'm not completely sure. Nobody really knows how talismans like the Golden Crystal work." He replied and Zoisite felt he was being honest.

"I told Kunzite something bad was bound to happen if he kept the _kinzuishou_ from our Master." Zoisite remembered, "I mean… from you."

"We can beat ourselves up over it later." The dog replied, "For now, I think the best thing to do would be to take me to see Mamoru."

"That's fine, but I need to get to work and they're not going to let me take you in a taxi." Zoisite informed him, "Can it wait until tonight, or maybe tomorrow?"

"The sooner the better, I think." Was the mutt's reply.

"Agreed. And could you do me a favor?" Zoisite asked at the dog's ears perked up, "Can you tell the others that I'm not completely crazy?"

"Unfortunately I think it's best if we don't spread this around." The animal replied with a canine shrug, "We both know how Kunzite would analyze this until doomsday."

"You're right." Zoisite said, "Can I trust you? I mean, in the house?"

"I won't um, how did Nephrite say it?" He wondered aloud, "I won't tear the garbage apart or piss on the couch."

"Good." Zoisite said and pulled out his cell phone to call a taxi, "Oh and… Master?"

"Hmm?"

"It's good to see, er… hear you again." Zoisite said with a slight grin, still feeling fairly awkward, "I mean, the _real_ you."

"Mamoru is the real me." The savvy canine reminded the Shitennou, "And he will be again, once we get the Crystal back to him."

Zoisite was about to dial the taxi service when a thought crossed his mind, "What if he doesn't want it back?"

The resounding silence was all that Zoisite needed to convince him that this possessed pooch, no matter if he was carrying the disembodied soul of his ancient Prince, had no answer to that very real possibility.

"I guess we'll see." He answered for both of them.


	14. Breakfast in America

The four seasons. The four winds. The four corners of the earth. The Four Kings. Many lines can be drawn and many connections made, but in the end the Shitennou are what they have always been: a brotherhood of four dedicated to the preservation of mankind and endlessly on guard as the destiny of humanity unfolds.

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Breakfast In America

"She's just so… _awful!_" Zoisite gawked with his chin resting in his palm.

"It's like a god damned Greek tragedy." Nephrite added and the smash of a falling plate punctuated his sentence. He winced at the noise and snickered hopelessly.

"No wonder you think there's a curse on those two." Jadeite said watching as she nearly tripped again, "Could you imagine what this would be like if we added Mamoru to the picture?"

"I'm chalking it up to first-day nerves." Kunzite told the rest of his companions though secretly he was wondering if hiring on Usagi as a waitress would be the iceberg that sunk the Four King's Titanic. Surely no one could be _this_ uncoordinated at all times.

"I can't believe she's held out this long." Jadeite said referencing the fact that they had allowed Usagi to take over total control of the restaurant floor during the lunch rush.

"We'll go help her once she starts to fray." Kunzite assured them.

"Dude, she's way past the point of fraying." Nephrite intoned his thoughts, "This is a full-on unravel right now."

"Trial by fire." Kunzite coolly replied, obviously deriving some sort of demented pleasure out of watching Usagi suffer, "Give her at least some credit for not walking out after the first five minutes."

"We've got to be violating some kind of fair employment laws by doing this." Zoisite mouthed.

"I notice nobody has stepped up to lend her a hand." Kunzite said and the rest of the Shitennou mumbled and shifted their weight around.

At that moment Usagi approached the kitchen entrance where they were huddled. Her apron was stained with just about every condiment imaginable. Her hair was exploding out of her twisted-up ponytail knot and she was sweating so hard the Kings had trouble discerning if it was perspiration or tears. Seeing her so haggard and drained up close actually made Kunzite feel a little bad about pushing her so hard, but he convinced himself it was for her own good.

"Can I maybe…" she started saying as she exhaled a heavy exasperated breath, "… take my fifteen now?"

"I think you've more than earned a break." Kunztie said. He wound his arm around her slim shoulders and turned around to the restaurant, snapping his fingers in the air, "Everyone, can I have your attention for a moment?" Usagi's face fell. Her pale white skin became beet red. "I know things have been a bit different this afternoon, but I wanted to introduce you to the newest member of our crew, Usagi! How about a round of applause for such a trying first day!"

The patrons of the restaurant cheered and applauded. Usagi could hardly look at them. Out of the corner of her eye she did see some departing customers throwing larger bills down for her tip than they would have otherwise. She couldn't help but feel honored, humbled, and somewhat disturbed especially with the proprietor's arm around her. She hadn't had much time to meet the other so-called Kings, but Kunzite struck her as a very strange man indeed. He was powerful and had a leering presence that made her feel ill at ease although he didn't seem outwardly threatening. There was some peculiar glint in his silver-blue eyes that perplexed her; it was something she had never seen before.

"I'll leave it up to you then, Usagi." Kunzite said to her, "You can call it quits for the day if you'd like or you can take a break, however long you want."

"I, uh…" she stalled, exhausted, but still wanting to impress on her first day, "I think I just need to catch my breath after that rush and I'll be fine."

"That's the spirit!" Nephrite cheered her on and his complete lack of sincerity caused Jadeite and Zoisite to burst into uncontrollable giggling.

"You did good considering we pretty much threw you to the dogs." Kunzite complimented her, but she still felt bothered by him.

"Thank you." She said politely, "I'm going to go check my messages and cool off for a bit."

She walked through the kitchen to the back door after grabbing her coat leaving the Shitennou to handle the affairs of their establishment. Kunzite glared at his associates for teasing and laughing in front of their new employee, but it didn't seem to inhibit them any.

"Well I've said my encouraging words for the day." Nephrite said and grabbed his favorite bar towel off the rack, "I think I'll spend the rest of the day organizing my booze by how coo the bottles look."

Zoisite shook his head at Nephrite's comment, "Tell me again why we need to hire an extra hand when that's all he does all day long?"

"Don't start." Kunzite warned, not wanting to be caught in the middle of one of Nephrite and Zoisite's infamous tugs-of-war, "Time to get out there anyway."

"It's all you for right now, Jed." Zoisite announced and Jadeite groaned, "I'm going to run home and feed William Shatner."

"Oh, be sure to tell him I said hello and that I expect him to repay the kindness." Nephrite said looking up from his liquor reorganization.

"Yeah I'll be sure to forget that somewhere out in the parking lot." Zoisite replied as he gathered his jacket and walked out the door.

"I really hope that dog coughs up the Golden Crystal soon." Kunzite mentioned to no one in particular.

"If he hasn't done it by now then he ain't coughing up anything." Nephrite told him, "So one of these days you can look forward to some nice shit-picking."

"Don't remind me." Kunzite said and he suddenly realized what Nephrite was doing, "Are you really just sorting those bottles by how cool they look?"

"Damn straight." Nephrite answered as though he were offended for even being questioned, "Right now the Chambord is winning because it looks like the Holy Hand Grenade."

Kunzite rolled his eyes as Nephrite continued his work. Jadeite stalked the floor taking and placing orders. Thankfully it looked like it would be another average day in a recent string of average days at the Four Kings Bar & Grill and that suited the weary Kunzite just fine.

* * *

"I thought maybe, you know, since we have this dialogue now that you'd splurge on some Alpo." The Endymion-possessed canine William Shatner said to Zoisite as he unhappily eyed his bowl of Kibbles 'N Bits.

"I was only gone for a few hours." Zoisite replied, "I haven't had time to get to a store yet!"

"Well pardon me, but you seem to forget that I'm a dog." The mutt remarked, "Not to mention a dog that has two personalities battling for control in its head. I might be able to talk, but as far as I know when you leave the house you're leaving forever!"

"Hey, way to recycle a _Family Guy_ joke." Zoisite dismissed the dog, knowing full well he was lying.

"Yeah, you got me." He complimented the King, "Quick witted as always."

"Please." He replied, "Endymion was never that funny. He had trouble with knock-knock jokes."

"Oh, well thanks."

Zoisite's cheeks flushed, "I mean, you were! Of course you were, Master ; I suppose your humor was just so far _above_ us…"

"Come on Zoisite, knock that crap off already?" The hound asked sounded disgusted, "I knew hitting you with that whole _"I am your Prince!"_ line would get you to listen to me, but really… you know I hate that shit."

"I'm sorry." The canine's guardian replied, "It's a force of habit."

"At least save it until we get the Golden Crystal back to Mamoru, then you can shower him with all the _master's _and _milord's_ you can muster." He suggested.

"Speaking of that, have you had any notions as to how we're going to go about getting the Golden Crystal out of you without being, erm… unpleasant?" Zoisite asked with a cringe.

"No more than this morning." He answered, "I'm hoping all I have to do is get close enough to him and the Crystal will just appear on its own. These talismans all have a tendency to do that."

"I just hope we can get you back into him." Zoisite said in a confused manner, "I mean you, Endymion, or… Mamoru … back into Mamoru." His face fell, "My god this is confusing."

"I'm a dog." His displaced Master whined, "How do you think I feel?"

"I don't know." Zoisite suddenly announced as if hit with a sudden understanding, "What's it like to be a dog?"

"I itch in places I can't scratch." The Prince replied evenly.

"Really?" Zoisite looked puzzled, "That's it?"

"I don't really know what you want me to say, Zoisite." The canine confessed, "I feel the same as I have always felt, at least the parts of me that are in here. I just feel like a dog now."

"Do you, I don't know…" Zoisite wondered aloud, childishly, "Do you like to do dog stuff?"

"Dog stuff?"

"You know: roll around in the dirt, chase cars and play fetch?" Zoisite asked.

"I don't know. I haven't been a dog that long." He answered seeming disinterested, "Why the sudden interest in my doggishness?"

"Well, the dog that you're in, William Shatner, he came here before this whole thing with the Golden Crystal happened." Zoisite explained, "We never found out where he came from. I thought maybe you might know more about him?"

"Not really." the prince sighed.

"Nothing at all?" Zoisite asked impatiently, "I mean you're in there sharing his head. Can't you, like, see what he sees?"

"Zoisite, it's a dog's brain." He answered, "It's not as developed as a human's. It doesn't store things the same way. It's all mostly instinct and trained behavior and a pervasive urge to breed."

"Yeah well, you seem to be more developed than the average dog." Zoisite said very sure of his assessment.

"Don't start nitpicking. You know there's a lot of magic at work here." The canine countered, "I can tell you that this dog retains the memories of certain sounds and smells. That's about it."

"Well then, can you recall the smell or sounds of where the dog came from?" Zoisite asked.

"We have more important issues to worry about right now!" The Prince barked back, "Honestly, Zoisite, you've always been like this. Try to look at the big picture!"

"I am looking at the big picture!" Zoisite defended himself, "I just thought that once we get the Golden Crystal back to Mamoru you'll probably stop, you know… being like this."

"You mean I'll go back to being just an ordinary dog?"

"Exactly." Zoisite agreed, "I thought if there was a way to figure out where he came from we might be able to take the dog back to its owner. We didn't have much luck when we tried before."

"I see." The dog said considering the plan, "Unfortunately this dog seems fairly young, only about a year old, maybe a few months more. There's not a lot to go off of."

"I thought it was worth a shot." Zoisite said frowning slightly, "I mean, William Shatner has been a good dog, but I still feel bad keeping him if he belongs to someone else."

"I understand." The dog replied, "But seriously… William Shatner? Did Nephrite name him? You couldn't come up with something better?"

"That's what it said on the collar! We figured it was your name!" Zoisite explained with a smirk, "We first thought William Shatner might be the owner, but we figured you're probably not William Shatner's dog. I mean, that's just crazy. He lives in Hollywood, I think, like a million miles away!"

"Zoisite." The prince said and rolled his puppy dog eyes, "Did it ever occur to you that it might be a _different _William Shatner?"

"Huh?"

"You know, another person named William Shatner but not the guy who played Captain Kirk?" The savvy canine suggested.

"Oh. Wow. You know what?" Zoisite asked positively beaming with excitement, "No, that never did occur to me! Wow! I should check the phone book!"

"Remind me again why I made you a Shitennou?" The Prince-dog asked with a shake of his head.

"Very funny, Mast-" Zosite stopped himself, "I mean… um…" A look of sheer hopelessness crossed over his face, "Well now, uh, what _should_ I call you?"

"Well I don't think William Shatner was this dog's name." He answered, "I do seem to recall, from the dog's memory I mean, and I think it's a name; It's repeated often enough."

"What is it?" Zoisite asked expectantly.

"Ares." He answered.

"Ares?" Zoisite asked and the dog's ears perked up.

"Yeah, I think that's it." He answered. His tail was wagging.

"Good. Short and simple." Zoisite said happily, "Much better than William-Shatner-Mamoru-Endymion."

"Much."

"Alright, well I have to get back to the roadhouse." Zoisite said as he patted his pocket to check for the car keys, "If I can get away early tonight we can go over to Mamoru's."

"That sounds like a plan." Ares replied, his tail beginning to wag faster.

"Okay then." Zoisite said and turned to leave.

"Zoisite?" Ares asked somewhat sorrowfully.

"Hmm?"

"I should probably tell you now, just in case I don't get the chance later." Ares said with a playful puppy smile, "Thank you for putting up with me." Zoisite raised an eyebrow at the remark. "I know any of the Shitennou would have done the same, but I'm glad you're the one helping me. I… Endymion… he's always appreciated your compassion, even if he didn't always say it."

Zoisite, with his practically surface-level emotions, was just about to break down in tears of joy when his cell phone began beeping and buzzing with an angry text message from Kunzite ordering the younger King to get back to the bar & grill ASAP.

"Stay out of the garbage." Zoisite quipped with a wag of his finger and slipped out the door.

"Very funny." Ares said with a grin, circled in place, and laid down for an afternoon nap.

* * *

"Saddle up, gents! Drinks are on me!" Exclaimed the exuberant voice of Nephrite's prized patron Andrew as he threw open the doors of the bar & grill.

He received no reply except Nephrite's dry wit: "It's two in the afternoon."

"And all that means to me is its twelve hours 'til last call!" Andrew replied as he sat down in his favorite bar stool and spun around gleefully.

"Well this is a step up from your usually dour demeanor." Nephrite observed as he filled Andrew's monogrammed pint glass, "What gives?"

"My old real estate firm is what gives!" Andrew replied, slamming his fist on the table in excitement, "And they give and they give and they _give!_ Extremely generous when they're slapped with a wrongful termination suit!"

"Wrongful termination?" Nephrite asked intrigued.

"Yep!" Andrew announced with a slurp of his lager, "Turns out my dismissal had nothing to do with performance and everything to do with trying to secure some sketchy tax write-offs."

"So you got your job back?" Nephrite asked in a congratulatory tone.

"Fuck no!" Andrew declared happily, "I got a heavy-ass settlement! I could probably toss the whole lump sum in a mutual fund and live off the interest for the rest of my life if I wanted to!"

"Well, there you go!" Nephrite said. His mind was already churning through ideas of how he could bleed some insurance money out of the bar and grill, but he shook them away. "So when did all this happen?"

Andy motioned for a refill. Nephrite obliged. "Mamoru and I knew this girl back in our college days. Really,_ really_ smart chick, but a little scattered. You know, she was in pre-med one year, then psychology. She ended up in law school. Her name is Ami."

"Sounds a bit like someone I know." Nephrite interjected and his brain rolled its eyes at the thought of Zoisite and his aimless flights of fancy.

"I called her up when I was fired to ask what my options were and she just grabbed the case by the throat and wouldn't let go." Andrew explained, "The whole thing was done out of court, but man… she must have really laid into them something fierce for them to cough up so much green."

"Sounds like she really pulled through for you, Andy." Nephrite said with a wink, "Maybe you should treat her to dinner or something?"

"Yeah, I don't think that's happening." Andrew replied and tugged uneasily on his collar, "I mean, she's a great person and all, but…" He looked around the room trying to come up with the words, "Trying to have a conversation with Ami is like hitting the Random Entry button on Wikipedia over and over."

"You just need to find a common interest." Nephrite advised him, "Something you can both talk about."

"That's just the thing." Andy replied, "I have a master's in Marketing and for the last six years I've been selling real estate and Ami probably knows more about the business than I do."

"Well, you _did_ get fired." Nephrite joked.

"You know damn well what I mean." Andrew answered, pointing his finger angrily, but still amused, "She's just too damned smart. On top of it she's got this really, genuinely cute, innocent girl-next-door thing going on and from what I remember of her in college she's completely uninterested in personal relationships of any kind."

"Come on." Nephrite coaxed him, "Every girl I've ever been with has said they _"don't want a relationship."_ It's a standard tactic."

"She doesn't even have Facebook." Andrew added.

"Why should that matter?" Nephrite asked with a perplexed look.

"_Everyone _my age has Facebook." Andrew answered, "Even if they don't actively use it. It's just one of those things anymore. Like a driver's license."

"Uh-huh." Nephrite grunted, stowing the thought for later review.

"But hey, no reason to dwell on the unobtainable!" Andrew announced joyously, "Now that fate has dumped a huge pile of cash on me the sky's the limit! Hell, I might even book a red-eye to Vegas tonight and throw down at the Playboy Ranch!"

Nephrite chuckled, "That sounds just…" His attention was called by the opening of the door and the entrance of the long-absent Lita, "… just …"

Andrew picked up on the distraction and turned to the door. Upon seeing Lita he groaned, "Great."

"Well if it isn't my two favorite gentlemen." Lita said with a smirk as she approached the bar, "The man who mixes the best Manhattans in the state and my good-old whipping boy!"

Andy didn't answer. Nephrite cut in immediately: "I really hope you're not here for a Manhattan this early."

"No, I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop in for lunch." Lita explained her appearance. She was dressed in a revealingly short skirt, heels, and a striped blouse that accented every curve.

"Dressed for success?" Nephrite asked obviously struck by her attire.

"When you got it, flaunt it." Lita half-sung a line from _The Producers_, "You have no idea how loose some people's tongues can get when I show up for an inspection and they're expecting some sniveling little poindexter with a comb-over and pocket protector." She turned to Andrew and slapped him hard on the back, "Someone like Andy here."

"You know what, Lita?" Andrew asked, his face red and drawn with rage, "Fuck you."

Lita's lower lip twitched slightly. Andrew had cursed at her and brushed her off before, but this was something different. This time he meant it.

"Come on, Andy, you know I was just—" She began to speak, but she was cut off.

"_Fuck you!_" He screamed. The patrons of the restaurant gasped and turned. The scene was established, "You and your high-horse sense of superiority can fuck off!"

His thunderous assault continued: "I don't know what the hell happened to you, but I can tell you this: I don't have to take your shit anymore. I'm_ set_ now. I'm set _for life!_ I have a bankroll that you can't even imagine while you keep parading your body around and pushing papers day in and day out feeling as useless as I used to. I could buy and sell your skank ass if I wanted to and considering what you did to me I wouldn't even feel sorry about it!"

He grabbed his glass off the bar and slammed it down in front of her. Beer and foam spilled over the edge. Some got on her shirt, but she didn't move. "Have one on the house. From _me_." Andrew growled at her, "Don't say I never fucking gave you anything, because that's _all _I did for you. Give and give and you would just take until I had nothing left and then you just lost your _fucking_ mind!" He slid off his bar stool. "Have a nice life, Lita." With that he walked out of the bar & grill slamming the door behind him.

The room quietly returned to the normalcy of diners eating, reading newspapers, and talking amongst themselves, but Lita remained silent. Her eyes were set on the glass of beer in front of her. She didn't move a muscle until she looked up at Nephrite. Her large green eyes seemed empty where usually there was a passionate gleam of mischief and confidence.

"He was already acting a little weird today; long story." Nephrite assured the troubled young woman, "Come on, it's just Andy."

"Yeah." She said disconnectedly.

"Why don't I get you something from the kitchen?" Nephrite suggested as soothingly as he could, "Some of my famous barbecue, maybe?" She looked completely disinterested. "On the house?"

"I seem to have lost my appetite." She said dejectedly and stood up from her seat.

"Lita, come on!" Nephrite pleaded as he reached out and gently touched her arm.

"Don't touch me!" She screamed at the top of her lungs.

Lita immediately twisted her wrist around and dragged her sharp nails across Nephrite's arm as she pulled away from him. Four parallel wounds opened up and he yelped out in pain, again calling the restaurant patron's attention to this new scene.

"Jesus!" Nephrite cried out as he clutched his arm which was bleeding so profusely that it had already covered his apron and was dripping into a sizeable puddle on the floor, "What the hell is the matter with you? I'm trying to help you!"

"I don't need _your_ help!" Lita hissed back. Nephrite picked up on something strange in her voice. It was an odd feeling, but it was as if she wasn't speaking directly to him, but to someone else. She turned on her heels and sprinted out of the restaurant without another word.

"What the hell is going on out here?" Kunzite demanded as he stalked up to Nephrite looking cross and concerned at the same time.

"Just a customer complaining about the service." Nephrite answered ruefully and looked down at his blood-soaked apron, "Workman's comp?"

Kunzite's stony resolved deflected all humor and he hauled Nephrite off the floor to address his wounds. Still, the injured King was not in any way swayed or put off by Lita's bizarre behavior. If anything he was even more intrigued by her. It was rare enough to find a woman he was even passively interested in. It was another thing altogether to find one who struck him so completely. He resolved to stop waiting for her to come to him and seek her out. As he poured half a bottle of hydrogen peroxide on his damaged arm and his muscles clenched in burning pain he swiftly decided to wait a few days before confronting her again.

* * *

"I'm frigging exhausted." Usagi said into her cell phone, "I think I may have made a mistake."

"It's only been one day, how bad could it be?" asked the voice of her friend and roommate Mina.

"It's bad." She stressed, "I've never worked so hard in my life. And all the dishes I dropped I'm sure are going to come out of my pay."

"It sounds to me like they're just being dicks to you, like most guys are inclined to be." Mina assumed, "Give it a few more days; I'm sure things will settle down. You just need to stand up for yourself if they keep trying to pull this shit on you."

"It's not that." Usagi sighed, "Well, maybe a little bit, but this guy, the owner I think. He's just… I don't know. Something about him seems off."

"Which one?" Mina asked, "You don't mean that blonde guy I was flirting with that night we met Mamoru? That kid's a pushover."

"No, the other one." Usagi corrected her, "The really tall guy with the gray eyes who threw us out that night. He's just got this weird feeling about him. I can't explain it."

"He's a guy on a power trip." Mina suggested, "He's obviously got money. He has this business of his own. He probably thinks he's king of the world."

"I don't think it's that." Usagi groaned, "I don't know, maybe I'm just that tired and stressed out that I'm imagining things."

"Well, I guess that's a possibility." Her bubbly friend agreed, "Just remember that no matter what you can always gain the upper hand."

"Meaning what, exactly?" Usagi asked, knowing instinctively where this conversation was headed.

"You know no earthly being can resist our charms, Usagi." Mina cooed suggestively, "You're not best friends with the Goddess of Love for nothing!"

"The self-proclaimed Goddess of Love." Usagi reminded her, "And no, that's not even close to what I was getting at with telling you this." Usagi smiled softly, "Besides, I'm not giving up on Mamoru just yet."

"Correct me if I'm wrong." Mina mumbled. It sounded like she was chewing on something, "But you've had a grand total of two conversations with the guy? One of those ended with him having a seizure. I think maybe your efforts could be better placed elsewhere."

"And I think maybe you should stay out of my box of Nilla Wafers." Usagi told her. She heard Mina gulp loudly. "I know that's what you're eating."

"Nuh-uh!" Mina defended uselessly.

"Right." Usagi shrugged her off, "Besides, where I choose to place my effort is my business. I think there's more to this Mamoru guy than he lets on."

"Well if that's the case just be sure to take pictures of it when you find out." Mina told her, "I wanna see."

"Mina!" Usagi gasped and her face turned bright red. She heard her friend laughing hysterically on the other end, "I'm done talking to you."

"I love you too, dear!" Mina chirped as Usagi closed her phone.

* * *

Something had obviously amused Usagi because in addition to her practically jumping where she sat she was now beet-red and giggling. Mamoru was sitting in his car a block away from the Four Kings Bar & Grill watching the young woman through tinted sunglasses. He sat there watching her as the evening sun burned through the messy curls of her hair turning them into sparkling strands of spun gold. She stood up and her giant blue eyes glanced in his direction. He turned his head away despite the fact she probably wouldn't be able to spot him. When he looked back she was gone; returned to work.

Mamoru wrung his hands over the steering wheel and his teeth clenched together. It wasn't fair, but it was all he could do to keep his burning heart from exploding in his chest. He turned the ignition and the engine heaved to life. The Honda Civic rolled out into the street and disappeared towards the setting sun.


	15. Once In A Lifetime

As mankind wages wars and claims ownership over the land the Shitennou continue to fight their own endless battle against cosmic incursions lost to the feeble perception of us lowly humans. When the day comes that the Earth is at peace the Shitennou will continue to stand guard at the edge of time and space to watch over this insignificant blue globe in the vastness of the cosmos.

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Once In A Lifetime

The evening was coming on strong at the Four Kings Bar and Grill. Usagi was so exhausted after her 10-hour first day that she could barely stand. She looked like a zombie as she slogged her way across the floor to refill salt shakers and ketchup bottles during the brief burst of downtime before the dinner crowd appeared. Kunzite leaned back against the wall of the kitchen with a satisfied grin as he watched her. It was rather impressive that she not only managed to keep herself together, but also intended to continue forging on despite being practically paralyzed from being overworked.

"Usagi!" Kunzite called her over. She looked apprehensive. "Now what's that look for? I don't bite."

"Sorry." She apologized, still feeling uneasy around the towering King, "Just tired I guess."

"Well, you've practically worked yourself to death today." Kunzite complimented her, "And you did a fine job despite the first-day jitters."

"Thank you." Usagi said graciously.

"You can take off early if you want." The proprietor suggested, "I know it's been tough, but we really wanted to put you through your paces on your first day." Kunzite smiled and brushed a fleck of dirt off Usagi's shoulder. She held back the urge to flinch. "It's all downhill from here."

"Okay, then." She agreed, "When do you want me in again?"

"Oh, let's say tomorrow around lunch time?" Kunzite asked, "Whenever you're free."

"Sounds good." She said as she gathered her coat from a nearby booth, "Thank you for putting up with everything today. I'll get better at this quickly."

"No worries." Kunzite assured her with a smile.

"Well, goodnight then." Usagi said as she turned to depart. She had just reached the door when she heard Kunzite call out behind her.

"Sweet dreams!"

She left without acknowledging him. The door whined closed on its hinges and Kunzite chuckled slightly to himself. He turned to find his three companions standing nearby with their faces each reading the same expression.

"Sweet dreams?" Nephrite asked, making a face as though the words were sour, "What the fuck?"

"What's wrong with that?" Kunzite asked defensively, "It's a fairly standard send-off."

"Uh, yeah, maybe between parents and children." Jadeite added, "That was just creepy."

"Don't you have work to do?" Kunzite growled hoping to shift the subject.

"Why exactly did you hire her again?" Nephrite wondered, "Something about "_keeping an eye"_ on her?"

"She's dangerous for Mamoru to be around." Kunzite explained lowering his voice so the few patrons couldn't hear him, "What better way to keep tabs on her than to give her a job?"

"A job where you wish your new employees sweet dreams?" Jadeite asked.

"Would you rather I advised her not to get hit by a bus on her way home?" Kunzite retorted grumpily.

"Maybe something along the lines of _nice job_ or _good to have you aboard!_" Nephrite suggested, "Sweet dreams is, man, it's like almost stalkerish."

"Uh-huh." Kunzite dismissed him and turned to Zoisite, "You got anything to add?"

"Not to this." Zoisite admitted sheepishly, "But do you think I could head out early tonight?"

"What?" Kunzite practically screeched, "What for?"

Zoisite stalled. He hadn't thought up a good excuse as to why he needed the night off. In truth he was taking the talking, Endyimion-possessed canine recently named Ares to Mamoru's home in the hopes that he might be reunited with the Golden Crystal. Zoisite had always been so good at planning ahead, but lately the little details have been slipping his mind. He quickly dredged up the best possible excuse he could formulate.

"I have a … date."

"Bullshit." Was Nephrite's immediate reaction.

"Oh, I'm sorry. What was that?" Zoisite asked mockingly, "Is that jealousy I hear?"

"Yeah, I'm certainly jealous of Mark or Steve or whatever _his _name is." Nephrite returned sophomorically.

Zoisite was on the verge of blushing, but he couldn't allow Nephrite to see just how accurate his jab actually was. He said: "At least one of us is making the attempt." Zoisite motioned to Nephrite's bandaged arm, "Well, two of us maybe, but I'm the non-violent type."

"Yeah, that's fucking funny." Nephrite said sourly as he clutched his arm which had been injured by the bizarrely acting Lita a few hours before.

"Who exactly do you have a date with?" Kunzite asked seeming to have the least immature interest in Zoisite's blatant lie.

"It doesn't matter and I'm not telling any of you." Zoisite adamantly declared.

"You could just bring him here, you know?" Jadeite suggested, "I'll clear a nice little table in the corner."

"It's not a _him_!" Zoisite shouted, his face now flush with embarrassment, "Jesus Christ, you people are such fucking children!"

"Wait, you're fucking children now?" Nephrite gasped in mock horror, "My goodness, Zoisite, so he's underage too? What's happened to you?"

"Yeah. _This_ is why I'm not telling you." Zoisite groaned and looked back towards Kunzite, "So how about it? Can I cut out around eight?"

"Oh, let him go at seven." Nephrite motioned with a wave of his hand, "Poor kid probably has a curfew. I'm sure you don't want to keep him up past his bed time."

"Fine. Eight. Whatever." Kunzite acquiesced and Zoisite nodded appreciatively. Nephrite and Jadeite were still giggling in the corner.

"I'll be in the back making myself more useful than you." Zoisite told the assembled crew, specifically towards Nephrite. He walked into the kitchen and entered the large walk-in cooler to busy himself.

"Okay then." Nephrite announced as soon as Zoisite was out of earshot, "One of us is going to have to follow him tonight."

"I'll do it." Jadeite immediately volunteered.

"The hell you will!" Nephrite interjected, "I want front-row seats for this one!"

"I don't want any part of this." Kunzite said throwing his hands up, "I don't even want to hear it."

"Come on Nephrite, subtlety is not part of your vocabulary." Jadeite reminded his boorish companion.

"No, but it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!" Nephrite gleefully exclaimed, "I need to be there when this shit goes down so I don't miss the chance to really lay into that drama queen."

"You know he's not really going on a date, right?" Jadeite asked.

"Obviously." Nephrite replied, "Any one of the drunks at my bar could tell he was lying."

"Which means whatever he's doing tonight is something that we probably wouldn't approve of." Jadeite mused to his companions, "I mean, if he had to lie about it and all…"

"Which means it's probably something a hundred times as stupid and embarrassing." Nephrite agreed, "If I don't see it with my own eyes I'll regret it forever!"

"Yeah, but you'll blow your cover too easily." Jadeite said and his elder comrade had to agree, "I'll follow him and let you guys know what he does."

"I don't _want_ to know what he does." Kunzite reiterated his position.

"I do." Nephrite grinned viciously.

"All right." Jadeite said and then asked abruptly, "Do you think other groups of people act like this?"

"I doubt it." Nephrite answered, "Other groups of people don't have Zoisite to keep them constantly entertained."

"And you guys wonder why he's always pissing and moaning about everything." Kunzite admonished the duo as he rolled his eyes.

"I don't wonder at all." Nephrite answered happily admitting his guilt.

"Please find something useful to do for the rest of the night." Kunzite ordered as he brushed off the conversation and disappeared into the small ancillary office to busy himself with paperwork.

"Don't screw this up, Jed." Nephrite warned over his shoulder to Jadeite.

Jadeite was already checking the battery on his slim digital camera that he carried around everywhere with him. He smirked at Nephrite and promised, "You have absolutely nothing to worry about."

* * *

Zoisite couldn't have been happier to leave the Four Kings early. It wasn't so much that he was regretting throwing in with the others in opening their own business as it was he missed his previously copious amounts of free time. He drove home quickly, changed his shirt, and called for Ares, his erstwhile prince. The Black Labrador trotted up to him with his tail wagging happily.

"You're done early tonight?" The crafty canine asked expectantly.

"Yes, with a really lousy excuse." Zoisite explained, "Just so you know, we're on a date."

"Ouch." He said with a flinch, "I'm guessing you caught hell for that one?" Zoisite nodded unhappily.

"Nephrite had a field day." Zoisite admitted. "I'm surprised he's not tailing me right now."

"You two, I swear…" Ares laughed reminiscing over an ancient memory.

"I suppose in a weird way I have you to thank for sticking me with him for all these centuries." Zoisite mused, "So thank you for millennia worth of dirty jokes, Indian burns, Charlie horses, and noogies."

"You're welcome." The prince replied edgily, "If Nephrite has always given you such a problem why didn't you ever tell Endymion about it?"

"No offense, but I was kind of busy back then keeping the Prince out of trouble when he'd go running off to visit Serenity on the Moon." Zoisite reminded his displaced monarch, "It's weird. I normally would never talk about this to you directly."

"Must be because I'm a dog." Ares suggested smugly, "I'm cute and non-threatening."

"Well, not that I haven't enjoyed your brief stint as a house pet, Master, but let's see if we can't get you back where you belong." Zoisite said and for the moment Ares didn't mind being addressed with the honorific title.

"I'm just hoping this goes smoothly." Ares admitted as they walked out the door of the house.

Zoisite opened the passenger's door and the dog jumped up into the Jeep with a graceful leap. He slid into the driver's seat and spent several moments checking all the mirrors as he had a habit of doing. Soon they were off driving into the twilight of the city. Ares sat comfortably on the leather seat and watched as the lights whipped past. After several miles he cocked his head towards Zoisite and stared longingly.

"I don't ever want you to repeat this to anyone." He ordered the Shitennou.

"I won't. No one would believe me anyway." Zoisite said dejectedly, "They all thought I was crazy the first time I told them I heard you talking. If I told them you were the misplaced essence of our Master they'd probably commit me."

"No, not about that." Ares corrected him, "I, um… wanted to ask a favor."

"What?"

"Could you, maybe, uh…" The dog stalled and looked embarrassed if that was possible, "Could you open the window a bit?"

Zoisite grinned like a schoolboy and obliged his canine companion. He rolled the window down about three quarters of the way and Ares shoved his head out into the cold evening air snapping his jaws trying to bite the wind and enjoying the sensation of his ears and face being blown about. Zoisite was practically beside himself and was laughing contentedly the whole length of their drive. For as powerful and full of wisdom as Endymion and Mamoru had been it was truly heartwarming to see him enjoying such simple pleasures no matter what body he inhabited.

"I could get used to this."Ares admitted as he pulled his head back into the car. The sides of his snout were speckled with saliva and he panted happily.

"Sorry." Zoisite apologized and looked practically heartbroken, "We're here."

Ares glanced up through the windshield at the towering apartment complex above. He sighed slightly and nodded to his human companion to proceed. They both exited the Jeep and made their way into the lobby. Thankfully the apartment allowed pets and nobody made a fuss about the presence of a strange new dog. They rode the elevator to Mamoru's floor in silence and Zoisite led the way down the blue-carpeted hallway to Mamoru's door. He hadn't been in the apartment since the misadventure involving the Nintendo Wii and absently wondered if the things he'd straightened and the clothes he folded would still be in the same spot months afterward. Knowing Mamoru they probably were.

"Here goes." Zoisite said and rapped on the door with his knuckle. No answer. He knocked again to the same response. "He's probably watching something stupid on TV or playing _Halo_ like the big man-baby he is."

"I'm right here, you know?" Ares asked. Zoisite swallowed hard and continued knocking.

After a solid minute or more of knocking on the door Zoisite was about to give up when he remembered that Mamoru habitually left his door unlocked. He gingerly tested the knob and the heavy white slab swung inward under its own weight. Zoisite peeked inside to see a startled Mamoru halfway lying on the couch.

"Sorry!" Zoisite apologized quickly and backed away, "I didn't think you were home."

"No, no. It's alright." Mamoru assured him as he rushed to the door to greet his visitor looking mildly flustered, "I thought you were… someone else."

Zoisite read the confused pain in Mamoru's face and asked, "Why? Are you expecting someone?"

"No." Mamoru said though still looking unsure of himself, "Forget it, I'm a little out of it today."

"Kunzite said you stopped in the restaurant this morning?" Zoisite asked, obligingly changing the subject.

"What?" Mamoru asked distantly, "Oh. Right, yeah. I was in the area; I just stopped in for coffee." He scratched the scraggly tufts of raven hair on the back of his head, "You guys are doing a great job out there."

"Thanks." Zoisite smiled, "Well, we put your friend Usagi through the ringer today. Hopefully she sticks with—"

"She's _not_ my friend." Mamoru cut him off icily. His dark eyes flashed with a curious intensity.

"Um…" Zoisite had nothing to say in reply, "Okay."

"Sorry." Mamoru apologized once again acting confused and on edge, "Do you, maybe, want to come in or something? I'll go make some tea, or…"

"Yeah, that would be great." Zoisite agreed and stepped into the apartment. Ares followed him from around the corner of the door. Mamoru caught sight of the canine and all the color fled his face.

"Mamoru?" Zoisite asked seeing him turn pale, "Are you okay?"

"Uhh…" He stalled and the sound was more like a painful groan in his throat, "Actually, I'm feeling kind of nauseous. Maybe we can get together tomorrow night instead?"

"Mamoru." Ares spoke directly to the spooked man sensing his sudden trepidation, "You know who I am, don't you?"

"Go away." The once and future King of the Earth growled in his throat, a horrible treacherous sound to Zoisite's ears, "Get out!"

"We're here to help you, Mamoru." Zoisite assured him.

"_GET OUT!_" Mamoru thundered and both the Shitennou and the dog jumped at the force of his voice.

"I can't leave yet." Ares said as he moved closer to Mamoru, "I have something you need."

"Don't come any closer!" Mamoru warned and his hand sought out a vase of roses on a nearby table. He grabbed it and raised it up in his hand threatening to throw it at the advancing dog.

"All you need to do is call out to the Golden Crystal and it will appear." Ares assured the panic-stricken man, "Please, Mamoru. You _need_ to do this."

"No, what I need is to stay away from _you_." Mamoru declared pointing at the canine that carried the misplaced bits of his soul. He turned and pointed at Zoisite, "And _you_."

"Me?" Zoisite asked surprised.

"All of you!" Mamoru shouted, "Kunzite, Nephrite, Jadeite. Everyone." His eyes fell to the floor and his face scrunched into a painful grimace, "Even Usagi."

"Why do you need to stay away from Usagi?" Ares asked dumbstruck, "She is your Princess. Surely you remember that much."

"I remember." Mamoru assured him with a scowl, "I remember what happened to her when the Silver Millennium fell. I remember what I did to her as a puppet of the Dark Kingdom. I remember who I was and who you all want me to be."

"Then why turn away from it, Master?" Zoisite asked longingly, "Our foes have long been vanquished. You and Usagi are destined to be together and now your love can flourish without the interference of enemies."

"Our love was cursed from the day it began." Mamoru said with somber eloquence, "Twice now it has ended in tragedy and ever since I touched the _ginzuishou_ I can remember _everything_." Mamoru's eyes began to water with tears, "And I _will not_ make her endure such pain again."

"No, you're not thinking clearly!" Ares argued shaking his head wildly, "Can't you see that, Mamoru? You're incomplete. You've lost part of yourself; the part that longs to be with her; the part that screams damn the consequences." Ares padded around in front of him in a pacing circle, "You imprinted part of yourself onto the Golden Crystal when you had your seizure. You will not be whole again until you reclaim it!" Ares pleaded with him, "You will never be happy like this."

"Who says I deserve happiness? You?" Mamoru accosted the canine, "Serenity deserved to be happy. Usagi deserves to be happy. And she can never be happy with me. All I offer her is heartache and if I have to sacrifice my own happiness so that she can live safe and free of pain then so be it."

"Master…" Zoisite tried to interject his thoughts.

"This is ridiculous!" Ares suddenly snapped in Endymion's voice, "You sniveling, self-indulgent sot! I can't believe this is what the great steward of the Earth is reduced to. You aren't even fit to carry the Golden Crystal in such a sorry state."

"Then I'd say it's a good thing you have it." Mamoru hissed, "Now get out."

Ares blinked repeatedly. He had hoped a guilt trip would snap Mamoru out of his depressing doldrums, but not even that tried-and-true method had any effect. He wracked his brain with possible ways to force the Golden Crystal back into Mamoru's hands, but he knew that the Crystal would only obey its one true master and only by the force of his own will. Ares hung his head low and padded towards the door.

"Mamoru?" Zoisite asked hoping desperately to be able to reach his conflicted Master.

"Please." Mamoru grumbled without looking up, "Just go."

Zoisite turned without another word and joined Ares in the hallway. He pulled the door closed behind him catching a final glance of Mamoru standing inside the apartment with his head bowed and eyes shut tight. The Shitennou's heart sank seeing him in such a state. He looked down at Ares who could offer little in the way of counsel or consolation. They walked side-by-side down the hallway to where it turned towards the elevators. Zoisite rounded the corner and was stopped dead in his tracks by another presence.

"Rough date?" Jadeite asked. His face lacked any customary mirth.

"What are you doing here?" Zoisite demanded furiously.

"I could ask you that." Jadeite replied and then glanced down at Ares, "Or maybe you."

"I assume you heard everything?" Ares asked.

"Uh-huh." Jadeite answered trying to sound nonchalant, but still taken somewhat off guard by the idea of a talking Labrador.

"What are we going to do, Jadeite?" Zoisite asked his oldest friend less concerned now with why he followed them in the first place.

"I don't know." Jadeite answered disappointedly, "Maybe it's time for another good old-fashioned Shitennou sit-down."

"No." Ares barked back, "Please, we can't involve Nephrite and Kunzite. I didn't want anyone but Zoisite to know about this, but since it can't be helped now I still think it best if we keep this to ourselves."

"How long has this been going on?" Jadeite asked.

"Just since the other night." Zoisite explained, "We were hoping we could just talk to Mamoru and things would neatly resolve themselves."

"Obviously not." Jadeite grumbled then looked to Zoisite with an apologetic shrug, "Guess I'll believe you the next time you tell us the dog is talking to you."

"Thanks." Zoisite said with a roll of his eyes and an uneasy smile.

"We should go." Ares suggested after a moment of tense silence.

"Right." Jadeite agreed. They entered the elevator and rode it to the ground floor. Upon arriving Jadeite announced: "I've got to get back to the roadhouse."

"I'm sure you'll come up with a fine cover story on the way." Zoisite said with a wink knowing full well Jadeite was sent to spy on his "date."

"I could probably tell them _this_ story for as much as they'll believe me." Jadeite quipped and Zoisite gave him a stern look of warning, "I'm just kidding."

"We'll talk later." Zoisite assured him, "Drive safe."

Jadeite waved and jumped into a taxi that was idling in front of the building. Zoisite and Ares walked back to their Jeep and in a few minutes were on the road. Mamoru's apartment building shrank into the distance behind them and Ares kept his eyes on it until it could no longer be seen.

"I didn't think it would be smooth, but…" The dog admitted with an aggravated sigh.

"We're going to straighten this out one way or another." Zoisite assured his canine companion, "We'll think of something. Trust me."

"Yeah."

"Hey, look on the bright side." Zoisite said with a grin and rolled down Ares' window for him again.

The princely dog looked over and smiled happily. He stuck his snout into the cold night air and the Jeep speed swiftly through the city back towards home.

* * *

Nephrite never liked being the last one to leave the restaurant at night. Jadeite had returned from tailing Zoisite hours ago with a mostly laugh-free story of how the enigmatic king snuck away to watch _Twilight_ at a friend's house. Nephrite would be able to pull at least a few worthy jabs out of that, but all in all he still felt a golden opportunity was wasted.

The night passed uneventfully at the Four Kings. Andrew appeared around eleven thirty as usual and stayed until last call making a rather loud ass of himself announcing his newly acquired wealth to every patron at the bar. Nephrite had to break up a fight between Andrew and one unruly drinker despite the fact that he thought his best customer could really do with being knocked down a few pegs. Kunzite had already finished his paperwork and left with Jadeite around two in the morning leaving Nephrite to finish off the mundane tasks and catch a taxi home.

"_You may ask yourself, how do I work this?"_ Nephrite sang along with the Talking Heads on the radio as he ran his towel over the bar one final time.

"_You may ask yourself, where is that large automobile?"_ He tossed his towel on the edge of the sink and flicked off the lights in the kitchen.

"_You may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful house."_ He switched off the rest of the lights in the restaurant and set the alarm system near the doors.

"_You may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful wife." _The alarm system armed and he jumped through the door, locking it tight behind him. He whirled around.

"_And the days go b—"_ He stopped dead in mid-chorus.

"Lita!"

She was standing in front of him. She looked terrible which Nephrite had previously thought impossible. She appeared as though she hadn't slept in days even though it had only been a few hours since he'd last seen her. Her eyes were red and bloodshot and her face was lined with stress and exhaustion. Her hair was unkempt and scraggly. Nephrite reactively clutched his wounded arm that she had torn into only a few hours before.

"I have to tell you something." She said mysteriously. Her voice was husky and worn.

"Right now?" Nephrite asked incredulously referring to the extremely late hour.

"I've never told this to anyone before." She said with all seriousness, "I'm … not who you think I am."

"If you're going to tell me you're Wonder Woman I'm inclined to believe you." Nephrite said motioning to his bandaged arm again with an uneasy grin.

She was not in the mood for jokes. "When I was younger, a lot younger, something happened to me." She paused letting the apparently unpleasant memory seep into her mind, "Something bad."

Nephrite didn't speak. She continued: "What happened changed me. I fought against it for a long time, but… that kind of pain… it gets in deep. No matter what you try to do you'll never be the same."

"Why are you telling me this?" Nephrite asked, vexed beyond all logic.

"Because you're the only person who has ever been able to put up with what I am today." Lita told him, "You're the only person, for lack of a better phrase, who came back for more."

Nephrite felt oddly flattered. He said, "I just thought you were an interesting woman, Lita. I wanted to get to know you better." He flashed a grin, "You haven't exactly been making it easy."

"I can't make it easy." Lita said firmly and her teeth were suddenly like fangs, "And I won't. Ever. I can't put myself in a position where I can get hurt that way again."

"Lita, I don't want to hurt you." Nephrite said soothingly and took a step towards her.

"Don't!" She warned and took a step back. She reached up a hand defensively as if to push him away, "Just, please…" Nephrite relented and shifted back on his heels. Lita looked pensive and agitated and she was shivering slightly, "Can you stay back?"

"How far, exactly?" Nephrite asked in an offended tone.

"No, I mean can you control yourself?" Lita looked up and met his stiff gaze which softened considerably at her unexpectedly vulnerable expression.

"Yes." He answered proudly. Nephrite was nothing if not in total control of his being.

"I like you, Nephrite." She told him uneasily. Saying the words was definitely a struggle for her; not uncomfortable, just strange. "I don't know why. Maybe because you remind me of how I used to be."

"A half-drunk, vulgar, bull-headed womanizer?" Nephrite asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"No." She answered sweetly, "Pure."

"Pure?" He asked now feeling quite unnerved, "Honey, I've been called a lot of things, but—"

"Shut up." She cut him off and moved in closer.

Lita closed the distance quickly. Her long, dangerous nails traced around the back of Nephrite's ears and she pulled him closer. His whole body followed. Wisps of her breath fell on the exposed skin of the top of his chest and his neck. Nephrite shivered where stood. His arms wound around her and his head tilted down to see her lips pursed and her eyes closed. He leaned towards her and her eyes suddenly flared open. She went stiff and her body shuddered. He could have sworn she had just been struck by lightning.

"No." She said and moved away swiftly. She stumbled backwards, keeping her eyes on him the whole time. "I have to go."

She was across the intersection and halfway down the street before Nephrite's brain caught up with him. He was still standing in the same position. His arms were cradling the night air. He straightened his back and let his hands fall to his sides, leaned back and let out a low, exasperated groan. His eyes caught sight of the stars floating above and he couldn't help but laugh at himself.

"What the hell does it take?" He asked the twinkling lights above.

He received no answer. He didn't expect one. It had been centuries since the last time the stars spoke to him. Still, he entertained the thought. If he was serious about pursuing Lita any further he would need all the help he could get. Her behavior was beyond bizarre. As close as he had come tonight to actually making some headway he felt that he had backpedaled. Something about this girl intrigued him, but he couldn't place it. He wasn't giving up, but his brain was advising him against it. Two words kept popping up again and again. They were unflattering, unfriendly, and undesirable.

Damaged. Goods.


	16. Hail, Hail, the Gang's All Here!

_Author's Note: Something different today for two reasons: 1.) the question has been posed to me several times where/when this story takes place and 2.) the intentionally melodramatic intro paragraphs I usually write are starting to become mind-numbingly difficult to keep original. _:-( _ My apologies._

"_My Four Kings" is intended to be set in an alternate timeline after the Dark Kingdom arc. Some of the particulars are addressed in this chapter, but I haven't yet conceived a good place for a full-on exposition. I do intend to explain it within the context of the story at some point. _

_And a general thank you to everyone who has followed this crazy thing. It's evolved quite a bit from a quartet of immortal idiots trying to hunt down a Wii. I try to respond to individual reviews as much as I can, but sometimes I just don't have the time. I appreciate all the interest and feedback, however. Thank you, thank you, thank you!_

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Hail, Hail, the Gang's All Here

Breakfast hit hard at the Four Kings Bar & Grill. Nephrite and Kunzite had their hands full keeping the place together, but managed to pull it off. During the morning Nephrite wasn't behind his bar as often and was forced into the role of waiter. He also tended his outdoor barbecue pits and got them ready for the rest of the day. Kunzite's role, as it had been since day one, was relegated to the kitchen. His culinary chops were already somewhat formidable when the restaurant opened, but now he was on the cusp of true artistry. A recent article in a local periodical ranked the Four Kings Bar & Grill second in a "Best Local Cuisine" poll out of thirteen possible choices.

The lunch crowd was more manageable thanks to Usagi showing up for her shift. True to her word, she was better than she was on her first day. No botched orders, no dishes dropped. Kunzite couldn't believe the improvement; he had a sneaking suspicion she spent the previous night walking around her house balancing cups and plates in various combinations. It was nearly four o'clock, the cusp of the dinner rush, and Jadeite and Zoisite would be showing up at any moment to handle the influx.

"I need a turkey club for table three, no mayo." She read off her pad, "And a reu… um, a ree-ooo, uh…"

"Reuben?" Kunzite asked with a smirk.

"Yeah." She said sheepishly. Kunzite's smirks still made her feel uncomfortable.

"Got it." He said, "Looking good out there, today."

Usagi flushed bright red, "What?"

"I said you're looking good out there today." Kunzite repeated his compliment, "You really tightened it up since yesterday. I'm impressed."

"Oh." She answered, thanking her heavens that he was talking about her performance, "Thanks."

"Don't mention it." Kunzite replied and then jumped back at his own words, "No, actually you _should _mention it. I need some more positive feedback around here. The other idiots I work with are cheerless and whiny."

"I'll see what I can do." Usagi offered half-heartedly and shuffled out of the kitchen as fast as she could.

"You are so god damned creepy." Nephrite said peering in through the divider.

"Positive reinforcement is a solid management tactic." Kunzite answered his jab. Nephrite shook his head and disappeared back behind his bar. Kunzite refocused on the grill.

"Excuse me?" a voice called Kunzite's attention and he looked up to a halting sight.

She was of average height, but she was so poised and elegant she might as well have towered over Kunzite. She was dressed casually in jeans and a red hooded sweatshirt, nothing provocative, but still with about an inch of her midriff showing. Her hair was long, black, and flowing almost down to her waist. However, it was her eyes that caught Kunzite's attention immediately. He had never encountered violet eyes before and to him, a man who viciously fought against such clichés, they sparkled.

"Good afternoon." Kunzite greeted cordially, "Welcome to the Four Kings Bar and Grill. Can I get you a menu?"

"No, thank you." She politely declined, "Could I just have a glass of water?"

"Certainly." Kunzite replied and clicked his fingers in Nephrite's direction.

The prickly warlord's brow furled and he resisted the urge to whip his wet, dirty bar towel at Kunzite's face for such a disrespectful slight. In any other situation he would've already tackled him to the floor where a wrestling match (almost always ending in a stalemate) would have ensued for at least ten minutes. Nephrite filled a glass with ice and water and presented it on a napkin to the dark-eyed woman with a disingenuous nod.

"I take it you're just passing through town?" Kunzite asked after the woman who only wanted water.

"Actually I'm meeting someone here." She answered, "Do you know a man named Mamoru?"

Kunzite cocked an eyebrow, "Mamoru?"

"It's an exotic name, I know." She told him, "It's alright if you don't."

"Oh, no I do. He's my…" Kunzite replied quickly shaking of the instinct to say Master, "…friend."

"Ah." She replied and sipped her water.

"How do you know Mamoru, if you don't mind me asking?" Kunzite inquired further.

"I don't know him; I mean, not yet." She replied, "He answered my ad in the newspaper."

"Your ad?" Kunzite asked astonished.

"Yes." She replied succinctly, "Do you mind if I just wait for him?"

"Um, no. No! Please sit down!" Kunzite invited and she obliged him politely, "Just let me know if you need anything."

"I will, thanks." She said and spun around in her stool to watch the doorway.

Kunzite gazed on in silent pondering for a moment before turning back around to the kitchen. He shuffled pots and pans around absentmindedly for a few moments before stopping to lean heavily on the edge of the sink.

"I didn't think anyone still used the newspapers for personals." Nephrite leaned in through the divider and commented, "You know, with Craigslist and everything."

"Uh-huh." Kunzite replied absently.

"What's wrong with you?" Nephrite asked bluntly, "Shouldn't you be going all _fearless leader_ right about now?"

"I thought we were done with all that." Kunzite said with an aggravated sigh, "What do you think I should do, go out there and interrogate her? So she's on a date, where's the harm in that?"

"Jesus, you must be high!" Nephrite blurted out and leaned down to be eye-to-eye with the elder Shitennou, "I'm expecting you to show at least a passing interest here! What if she's a black widow or some kind of horrible, soul-sucking lust demon?"

"I do have an interest in her." Kunzite admitted and met eyes with Nephrite, "I just don't know what it means yet."

"And what is that?"

"She's not Usagi." Kunzite replied and his eyes shifted to their newest waitress busily taking orders in the dining room.

"And that bothers you?" Nephrite asked looking frustrated, "I thought you didn't want her and Mamoru together; something about cosmic destiny and the end of the world?"

"I don't." Kunzite answered, "That's what interests me." Kunzite looked back towards the bar where the dark-eyed woman sat waiting, "Why isn't Mamoru trying to get closer to Usagi?"

"Nothing pleases you, does it?" Nephrite laughed, "For once we don't have a conflict and now because everything is going your way you don't feel content."

"This isn't about me." The elder Shitennou corrected, "He was drawn to her and the _ginzuishou_ before." He scratched his chin, "Now he seems to be going to great lengths to avoid her." Kunzite's vision drifted back to Usagi who was politely talking and giggling with one of the restaurant's patrons. He couldn't help but smile.

"Mamoru probably just doesn't want to get caught up in a triangle." Nephrite assumed as he followed the elder King's gaze.

"A triangle?" Kunzite asked, "What do you mean?"

"You know, with him, Usagi and, well…" Nephrite winked as he spoke, "…you."

"Me?"

"Yep." Nephrite replied as he adjusted the cuffs of his shirt.

"Are _you_ high?" Kunzite asked with a blank stare.

"Hey, I'm just calling it like I see it." Nephrite answered in a carefree tone.

"Then you're blind." Kunzite replied icily, "Must be all the booze catching up with you."

"Mmm… nope!" Nephrite answered with a chuckle, "Let's see here, you gave her a job for starters, to um… _"keep an eye on her"_ as you're so keen to say. And I've seen the way you stare at her while she's working and all the little compliments you drop and especially the way she seems permanently put off by you."

"She seems put off by me?" Kunzite asked, ignoring the rest on principle, "How so?"

"You know: that sort of polite nonchalance that most women get when they don't want to have anything to do with you, but they're too polite to break your heart." Nephrite answered with far too much ease, "It's usually because you're trying too hard."

"That's ridiculous." Kunzite stood firm.

"Sure it is." Nephrite replied with a smirk, "First you stole Mamoru's Golden Crystal, now you're trying to steal his girlfriend? I dunno, man…"

"Enough!" Kunzite growled and slammed a pot down in the sink to underline his point, "Don't you have something more useful to do with your time?"

"This isn't useful?" Nephrite deadpanned.

"Where are those two?" Kunzite angrily shifted topics to the whereabouts of the other two Shitennou, "They should've been here an hour ago!"

"Daylight savings, genius." Nephrite said and playfully knocked his fist against Kunzite's head, something only he could get away with, "You forgot to set the clocks back."

"Shit." He cursed inwardly.

"Probably because you were too busy ogling Usagi." Nephrite commented.

Kunzite threw a stainless steel colander at Nephrite's head. He ducked just in time and it bounced noisily off the bar and rattled loudly to the floor. The patrons of the restaurant jumped in surprise. Nephrite let out a howl of laughter. Kunzite just let it roll off his back.

* * *

"This is embarrassing." Ares complained as Zoisite clipped a leash onto the dog's collar.

"The city has leash laws." Zoisite apologized, "And you got me in enough trouble during the Silver Millennium. I don't need to be collecting citations now."

"You know I'm not going to run off on you." The puppy pleaded.

"Of course." Zoisite nodded, "But it's still the law."

"It's a stupid law." The princely canine complained.

"That's what you said about being forbidden to travel to the Moon." Jadeite quipped from where he sat nearby.

"And we all know how that ended." Zoisite smirked and tugged on the leash.

"If I didn't know any better I'd think you were getting some sort of sick satisfaction out of this arrangement." Ares mulled the thought out loud. Both Jadeite and Zoisite snickered.

It was early one morning just about a week after Ares and Mamoru had their first unproductive meeting. The Golden Crystal still resided somewhere within the conversational canine and the Shitennou's human master had not been seen or heard from since. Zoisite tried calling and received Mamoru's endlessly blithering voicemail every time.

"_Hi, you've reached your main man Mamoru! I'm not here at the moment because I'm projecting my positive ki to manifest my innermost karmic desires…"_

Zoisite rolled his eyes remembering just the opening fragment of Mamoru's practically oratory-length greeting. Jadeite attempted to contact him from several different phones to keep the caller ID from giving him away, but Mamoru never answered.

Since Kunzite's somewhat impulsive hiring of Usagi it was decided that all four of the Shitennou did not need to be at the restaurant all day any longer and thus a schedule was put in place with rotating hours allowing for two of them to have at least one full day off per week. Today just happened to be Zoisite and Jadeite's day and, taking advantage of the perfect autumn weather, they decided to go for a long walk through the city with Ares and, with any luck, come up with a way to knock some sense into Mamoru.

"What if we sneak into his apartment while he's asleep?" Zoisite theorized, "If you can get close enough to him maybe the Golden Crystal will just pop out on its own?"

"I doubt it." Ares answered, "Unfortunately as far as the _kinzuishou_ is concerned there's more of Mamoru and Endymion in me than there is in Mamoru himself. He has to have the will to call it forth."

"Can you use the Crystal?" Jadeite asked.

"No." Ares answered looking chagrined, "Not in this body; the physiology isn't developed enough."

"Is there any way we could channel the Crystal's energy?" Jadeite continued, "Maybe we can redirect it for you and use it to restore Mamoru?"

"I don't want to risk something like that." Ares denied the offer, "The unfocused power of the Crystal would be too dangerous for anyone to control, even the Shitennou."

"I say we consider it as an option at the very least." Zoisite recommended, "If it comes down to it and we absolutely _need_ Mamoru to recover the Golden Crystal it might be the only course of action we have."

"I'm not willing to risk it." Ares flatly refused again.

"Not to sound insolent, Master." Zoisite said with a wry grin, "But we _are_ willing. When it comes to our duty no risk is too great."

"Wow. Sounding very noble today, Zoi." Jadeite complimented with an air of sarcasm, "Someone must have left something very inspiring on your Facebook wall."

"Shut up, Jed." Zoisite laughed him off, "You know you'd be willing to risk it, too."

"Well, yeah, of course I would." Jadeite agreed, "But come on, there's no reason to go putting life and limb on the line before we've even come up with a plan A."

"Thank you for being the sensible one, Jadeite." Ares said over his shoulder as they walked along, "As much as I admire Zoisite's brazen loyalty I'd prefer it if we could all make it through this current predicament in one piece."

"Hey, I'm not giving up or anything!" Zoisite defended, "I just, you know… wanted you to know that I'm willing, that's all."

"I know you are, Zoisite." The crafty canine replied, "You are a Shitennou after all."

"I wanted you to know that I'm _still_ willing." Zoisite stressed his point and suddenly looked quite sullen, "Even after… everything."

"It's alright." Ares responded quickly.

"NO!" Zoisite snapped and stopped walking. Jadeite whirled around in surprise. "No, it's not alright."

"Zoi, come on." Jadeite tried to urge his companion forward.

"We haven't even talked about it." Zoisite said looking at both Ares and Jadeite, "Jadeite, you understand! You out of all of us feel the presence of the past the strongest!"

"I've come to realize the past has its place, Zoisite." The younger king replied with an air of distinction, "It's a part of me, true, but there's no reason to keep dredging it back to the surface."

"We've never had this opportunity before!" Zoisite declared and turned towards Ares, "We've never been able to talk about our unforgivable sin, or the pain we caused in the Dark Kingdom. We've never been able to apologize to our _Master_."

"You don't have to." Ares replied in a stern, but soothing tone, "Not to me, at least. When Mamoru—"

"Mamoru may never recover!" Zoisite blurted out, "I've been burdened by this my whole life and regardless of how many _pieces _of him you carry you _are_ our Master!" Zoisite knelt down on one knee and his head hung down, "I don't seek forgiveness for our sins, only your blessing to continue serving as your loyal Shitennou."

"Master, I—" Jadeite was moved to speak by Zoisite's words, but faltered, "This is… awkward." He cast his glance down at Ares, "You're a dog."

"Jadeite!" Zoisite snapped at his companion's apparent lack of respect.

"Both of you be silent!" The powerful voice of Endymion issued forth from Ares' mouth. The Shitennou jerked to attention where they stood, "Zoisite, stand up."

"I meant no offense, Master." Zoisite began to apologize as he stood.

"And stop it with the Master shit!" The recognizable and usually jovial voice of Mamoru scolded, "I've said this before and I won't say it again! Don't apologize to me; stop thinking about it altogether! There's no point to it!"

"I have to side with Zoisite on this." Jadeite spoke up, "You have to understand our position and how it looks through our eyes. Mamoru's memories were never awakened; we've never been able to atone for what we did."

"You didn't _do_ anything!" Ares literally barked, "What is your unforgivable sin? Siding with Queen Beryl after Endymion fled to the Moon and left you behind?"

"He left to protect the Princess!" Zoisite defended, "Surely you must remember that!"

"The reason he left doesn't matter in the least!" Ares continued, "What matters is that your Master, the man you gave your lives to protect, _left you behind_. How could anyone blame you if you felt betrayed?"

"But we—" Zoisite tried to continue, but he was cut off.

"Enough!" Ares shouted and for a moment embraced his displaced past self, "The only unforgivable action was mine!" Zoisite and Jadeite looked on astonished, "I never meant for you to fall prey to Beryl. I wanted to _save_ you, but I knew I couldn't. You were the only reason I was able to escape to the moon at all; you gave your very souls for me. That is a sacrifice I cannot repay."

"Endymion…" Zoisite said breathlessly at the sound of his Master's confession.

"As to your time in the Dark Kingdom, there is nothing to atone for." Ares continued in Mamoru's voice, "In the end you protected me from the Moon Sword and brought me back from the brink of death! If it wasn't for you we would never have been able to defeat Metalia at all!" He paced in a tight circle as he spoke, "Believe me, if I could have reached you in time, I would have! I can't imagine what it was like for you there."

"You knew about us even then?" Jadeite asked in wonderment.

"Not until Mamoru's memories were awakened." Ares replied, "But I felt the same guilt and regret he did. Mamoru, even when he was reunited with the Princess, he wanted to save you!" Ares smiled softly, "You may have been his guardians, but you were never subservient in his eyes. You were… _are_… his best friends."

"He seems to think otherwise now." Zoisite said pitifully.

"Which is why we have to get him to remember who he truly is." Ares reminded the Kings, "Preferably in such a way that doesn't end with everyone turning into stones again."

"Wow, I liked him better when he couldn't tell a joke." Jadeite groaned and looked up at the sky, "Do you have any idea how stiff I was after that ordeal? Just thinking about it makes my joints hurt."

"Couldn't turn my neck for a week." Zoisite added with a grin.

"That's better." Ares sighed, "Why can't you guys just have this attitude about everything?"

"We were never as easy-going as you were." Zoisite reminded his displaced monarch, "Remember, we had a disobedient prince to keep tabs on. Free time was a foreign concept; it made us all just a little bit uptight."

"So that's what this is about?" Ares laughed, "You're mad because you never got any vacation time?"

"Or health benefits." Jadeite added regretfully, "Do you know how dangerous swords are?"

"Your Prince and Master is stuck on a leash." Ares said and for effect tried to gnaw on his collar which he couldn't reach, "Can we consider ourselves even?"

"I suppose so." Zoisite laughed, but Jadeite shook his head.

"I don't know, I think a show of good faith is in order." Jadeite said and tapped his chin, "Can you do that trick where we balance a little dog treat on your snout?"

"Oooh! Yes!" Zoisite clapped his hands together, "I think there's some Milk Bones at the house. We have to do that, it'll freak Nephrite out!"

"Or wait; maybe we'll just give you a spoonful of peanut butter!" Jadeite suggested with far too wicked of a gleam in his eyes.

"Oh. My. GOD! That would be _hilarious_!" Zoisite cried, practically doubled over laughing.

Ares sighed heavily. It was really all he could do at this point.

"You guys are fired."

* * *

Nephrite wouldn't have believed it if he didn't see it with his own eyes. His best customer, the recently fortune-endowed Andrew walked into his bar that evening with a young woman at his side. She was slight of build, but held herself very properly. Similarly, she was dressed unprovocatively in a simple skirt and blouse; very business-like. Her eyes were blue… so was her hair, at least from certain angles, otherwise it was jet black. He had never seen anything quite like it and wondered if it was perhaps a reflection of one of the bar's neon lights advertising the beer they sold. He offered a salutatory nod as the duo approached the bar.

"Hey!" Andrew greeted him enthusiastically, "Busy tonight, huh?"

"Yeah, we're in full swing." Nephrite gestured to the television hanging over the bar, "Giants are putting the Saints into the ground."

"That's my Big Blue Wrecking Crew!" Andrew hollered and some of the patrons at the bar either cheered or jeered him, "Nephrite, this is my friend Ami."

"Oh, so this is your guardian angel?" Nephrite asked and shook Ami's small hand vigorously, "I've heard about you!"

"You have?" she asked somewhat astonished.

"I was telling Nephrite the other night about how you came through for me when I got fired." Andy said appreciatively.

"It was nothing, really." Ami replied looking somewhat awkward, "Clear violation of statute provisions in state employment law. There was a similar case a few years ago that set a precedent for this sort of thing when the housing bubble burst, so—"

"That's really interesting, listen," Nephrite interrupted hoping not to sound quite as rude as he was being, "I don't mean to cut you off, but, you know… work."

"Oh." Ami said absently, "Of course."

"Do you want me to put you guys down for a table?" Nephrite asked, "It's probably going to be a twenty minute wait or so."

"Sure." Andy replied and pulled out two stools, "We'll hang out here if that's okay."

"No problem." Nephrite answered and reached for a glass, "The usual?"

"Uh, no." His favored patron answered nervously, "Just water tonight. I'm driving."

"Ah. Gotcha." Nephrite turned to Ami, "What about you, my dear?"

"I'd like a vodka martini, please." She answered, "Grey Goose if you have it, very wet."

"Thank god." Nephrite replied and grinned at Andy, "I had this sneaking suspicion you were just going to ask for water too."

"Are you kidding?" Andrew laughed, "Ami could probably drink us both under the table."

"Come on, stop it!" she playfully tapped him on the arm and turned back to Nephrite, "I hardly ever drink, I'm a complete lightweight, but Andy said you're quite the mixologist."

"Mixologist?" Nephrite chuckled, "I don't know if I'd go that far, I'm just a man who knows his booze."

Ami and Andy laughed together. Nephrite joined them all the while thinking about what an odd pair they made. It was impressive enough to see that Andy had actually taken the risk to ask Ami out like Nephrite suggested, but it was something else altogether to see him acting so laid-back and genial considering the last few months of angry drunkenness that Nephrite was used to. He was so wrapped up in his work he didn't notice a flowing, wedding-dress length of blonde hair sweep past him towards the end of the bar.

"Hey!" chirped a bubbly female voice, "Can I get some god damn service over here?"

Nephrite's disposition soured and he was just about to lay down the law to the blonde intruder when Usagi rounded the corner looking beet-red and embarrassed.

"Mina, you're so freaking loud!" she chastised her friend. Nephrite recognized her after that.

"I told you I was going to stop by for dinner." She reminded her roommate, "What's good?"

"Liquor." Nephrite called down to Usagi, "And lots of it."

"Don't mind him; he's just a bit obsessed with his booze." Usagi said and Nephrite laughed. Of all of the four Kings she got along with him the easiest, "How about a cheesesteak?"

"Outside of Philly?" Mina scoffed, "I don't know about that."

"One cheesesteak coming up!" Usagi ignored her and jotted down the order with a wink. Mina settled back into her bar stool and chuckled. She barely took notice to the young, violet-eyed woman sitting next to her.

Nephrite made his way down the bar refilling beers as he went until he returned to Ami and Andy. Ami was talking about something that sounded vaguely legal and Andy, though he appeared rapt in attention, looked painfully bored. The door opened across the floor and a familiar tan trench coat stepped through filled by Lita. Andy saw her enter and his spine stiffened. His knee-jerk reaction startled Ami and she turned towards the door.

"_Oh shit." _ Nephrite whispered to himself.

"Hello, Andrew." Lita said in an extraordinarily polite manner as she approached the bar.

"Hi." Andy answered back unevenly.

"Sorry, I don't think we've met." Lita said kindly and extended her hand, "Lydia Tanner. You can call me Lita."

"Ami." Andy's date replied, "A pleasure."

"Nice to meet you. You guys have a good night." Lita offered with a smile and sat on the other side of Ami at the bar. Andy's mouth was hanging open. Nephrite, too, was taken aback.

"Hey there." He greeted her trying not to sound as weirded out as he was.

"Hi." She replied in a voice much warmer than he was used to, "Busy night?"

"Very." He answered, "Manhattan?"

"You read my mind." She answered with another large smile.

Nephrite turned around and gathered his bottles. His throat tickled. Something was definitely up with Lita; her bizarre changes of mood were in some macabre way a part of her charm. Her completely genial turn was a giant traffic light of an opportunity blinking away behind him at the bar. This wasn't going to be one of his greatest moments, but it couldn't be helped. Some things just needed to happen.

"I'm taking you to dinner tomorrow night." He stated plainly as he turned around to face her, both hands on the bar.

"You are?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes."

"Do I get a say in the matter?"

"No."

Lita sighed heavily and tapped her chin as if in deep thought. Nephrite's ears twitched with anticipation.

"Are we going to come here?" she asked.

"Fuck no." he replied.

"Alright, I suppose." She agreed finally, "Wherever we go had better have Maker's Mark."

"I'll see what I can do." Nephrite promised and turned around to make her Manhattan. He rarely got this worked up over a woman, but he was using every ounce of his considerable willpower to keep from bursting into screaming, childish exuberance. He placed the drink on the counter in front of Lita with a smile.

"Well, now that's something you don't see every day." Andy commented. Ami added a polite, happy nod, "Here's luck to you both."

He clinked his water glass against Lita's Manhattan. Nephrite gave him a long, appreciative glance. It was truly unbelievable what an excess of alcohol could do to some people; it was even more unbelievable what a lack thereof could achieve.

* * *

When Jadeite and Zoisite arrived for their shift Kunzite immediately excused himself from the grill to start crunching numbers at the table near the divider window. The office that was built into the back rooms was simply too small and he wanted to keep an eye on everything. The dinner crowd was the pinnacle of the restaurant's business and sometimes he simply enjoyed watching people come and go, eat, drink, and be merry in his establishment.

Kunzite looked up from his work to survey the restaurant feeling accomplished and content. He scanned the bar and as his eyes passed over each one of the women sitting there it was as though a puzzle were being assembled in his mind. Nephrite was talking with Andrew, Ami and Lita down at the end of the bar that he usually inhabited. Beside her sat the exotic woman whose name they didn't know, still waiting for Mamoru. Beside her sat Usagi's friend Mina and Usagi herself stood nearby taking an order. His pen dropped along with his jaw.

"Christ alive!" he gasped, a rarity in Kunzite's case.

"You okay?" Jadeite asked from where he stood nearby monitoring the deep fryer.

"It's the _senshi_!" Kunzite declared in a hushed whisper.

"Are you having flashbacks again?" Zoisite joked as well from his sink of dishes.

"Look!" Kunzite said in a hurried voice.

Jadeite and Zoisite traded disbelieving smirks and they both moved around to stand at the elder King's side. When they caught sight of the five women, most of who didn't seem to even acknowledge each other's presence, they were struck with the same shock.

"Good god, you're right!" Zoisite said almost shaking.

"They're _all _here!" Kunzite gaped in awe, "How is that possible?"

"I don't know." Jadeite confessed.

"I knew Usagi was Sailor Moon as soon as I discovered she carried the _ginzuishou_." Kunzite recalled, "But the rest of them… We've both seen Usagi's friend before, and the Health Inspector, Lita, who Nephrite is infatuated with. Why couldn't we ever put it together?"

"We've never seen them all in one place before." Jadeite reminded his companion.

"Maybe." Kunzite wondered distantly.

"It's amazing." Zoisite said after a moment of silence, "They're in almost the same position as us. Somehow, no matter what, we always end up together."

"Yes, but it took us how many years after we were brought back to find each other and Mamoru again?" Kunzite skillfully observed, "It doesn't look like any of them even know each other all that well."

"Well that bond has to begin somewhere." Jadeite replied, "Maybe what's going on out there is fated. Maybe this is where their friendship starts to rebuild itself."

"Sometimes I wonder why we're here at all." Kunzite suddenly waxed completely out of the blue.

"What?"

"Look at them out there." Kunzite motioned to the bar again, "They're still so young. They've done unbelievable things in the past but none of them know it. They fought and died together and now they don't even recognize the people sitting next to them."

"What does that have to do with us?" Jadeite asked.

"Why do _we_ remember?" Kunzite asked in return, "Why did we return in four completely separate, isolated corners of the world with no families and no possessions but a smashed gemstone each and a head full of ancient memories?"

"I don't know, Kunzite." Jadeite answered honestly, "To be blunt, it's easier not to try to answer those kinds of questions."

"I can't help but ask." Kunzite informed his younger counterpart.

"Guys." Nephrite announced as he appeared around the divider, "Mamoru's coming. I just saw him drive up in the parking lot."

Sure enough after a few moments the doors opened and Mamoru stepped in. It looked as though he had finally shaved and he was back to wearing his khakis and black turtlenecks looking just as goofy and out-of-place as always. He strode up to the bar towards the woman with the violet eyes and after a greeting they couldn't hear he started waving.

"Jadeite, Zoisite? Could you guys come out here?" Mamoru called. Zoisite and Jadeite exchanged worried glances and filed out behind the bar where Mamoru was sitting, "Ah, there you are!"

"Can we get you something?" Jadeite asked awkwardly.

"No, I wanted to introduce you to my new friend." Mamoru said and motioned to the dark-eyed girl sitting next to him, "Guys, this is Rachel Leigh Shatner."

"Or just Rei for short." She offered with a polite smile, "Pleased to meet you."

"You too." Zoisite answered as awkwardly as Jadeite.

"I saw her ad in the paper and thought I'd bring her by as a surprise." Mamoru announced cheerfully.

"Her ad?" Zoisite asked attempting to suppress a grin. Nephrite, who was tending patrons nearby, openly chuckled.

"About the dog, Ares." Rei replied and Zoisite's face immediately fell, "He's been missing for a few weeks. Mamoru saw the missing dog ad in the newspaper and said he might have a lead."

"Remember that dog that wandered into your house with the name William Shatner on his collar?" Mamoru asked directly at Zoisite with an almost imperceptible look of insidiousness, "William is Rei's grandfather."

"Do you have him?" Rei asked and her eyes lit up with a hopeful desire, "My grandfather has been worried sick. He's trained Labradors all his life, but Ares was always a bit too energetic for his own good. Probably a streak of Boxer in him."

"I, uh, we…" Zoisite stuttered for a reply, "Yes, we have him."

"Oh, thank goodness!" Rei breathed a sigh of relief, "Is he here? Can I see him?"

"N- no, he's back at our house." Zoisite answered unevenly.

"I know for a fact they've been taking very good care of him." Mamoru said pointing at Zoisite, "This guy, especially, treats him like _Gold_."

"Yeah." Zoisite replied. His teeth were grating against each other. "Just like gold."

"When can I come get him?" Rei asked as she started fishing around in her purse, "There was a reward offered, I don't know if I have enough tonight."

"That's fine, we don't need a reward." Mamoru spoke up, "We're just happy we found the owner."

"We are?" Jadeite asked, more of a sarcastic question than an affirmation.

"No, I insist." Rei said and continued digging.

"Why don't we bring him to you?" Zoisite suggested immediately calling Jadeite's attention, "And a reward really isn't necessary."

"Really?" Rei asked practically sobbing, "I honestly can't thank you enough."

"Is it alright if we wait until tomorrow?" Jadeite asked, "We can't easily leave the restaurant in the middle of the dinner rush and we don't get out of here until really late."

"Tomorrow is okay, I suppose." Rei replied, "I'll give you my cell number and my address."

She wrote down the information on a napkin and passed it off to Jadeite. He committed the words and numbers to memory immediately and stuffed the paper in his back pocket with a polite smile. Zoisite's hands were clenched into fists at his side. His eyes had not left Mamoru's during the entire exchange. If it were possible sparks may have flown freely from the tension between the two men.

"Can you call me tonight and let me know when you'll be by?" Rei asked, "Don't worry about it being too late, I'll be up."

"Sure thing." Zoisite said forcing as hard as he could not to scowl.

"Thank you, guys!" she thanked them and walked around the bar to hug both of the Kings. She looked up into Jadeite's eyes and said, "This really means a lot to me; my grandfather is the only family I have left."

"It's our pleasure." Jadeite said and gripped her arm tightly. A curious static sensation shot through him and he felt as though his hand was momentarily engulfed in flames. He pulled back quickly, but Rei in her joy didn't notice.

"Well, thank you guys." Mamoru said, "Come on, Rei, I'll walk you to your car." Mamoru offered and Rei followed after him. He turned and glanced over his shoulder at Zoisite and offered a despicable wink. Usagi, who was busily cleaning tables in the opposite corner of the room, didn't notice him enter or exit.

"That rat-bastard son of a bitch!" Zoisite fumed and slammed his fists down on the bar just as the door swung shut.

"Zoisite!" Jadeite gasped. The outburst even called Nephrite and Kunzite's attention, "That's our Master!"

"That man…" Zoisite growled in a deeper, darker voice than the Shitennou had ever heard from their delicate, preening companion, "… is _not_ my Master."


	17. Twenty One Questions

_Author's Note: Today's story is centered totally on Nephrite and Lita. I didn't think I'd be able to chronicle their first date within the framework of one of my usual chapters, so today they're getting their own little one-shot. Enjoy!_

_PS: Credit to Marcel Proust, Bernard Pivot, and James Lipton from "Inside the Actor's Studio."_

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Twenty-One Questions

Kunzite spent a good forty-five minutes yelling in Nephrite's general direction about why it was unprofessional to ask for a night off on the same day you're requesting it. For the most part, Nephrite filtered everything out. He was far too distracted with thoughts of preparation and presentation for the evening. The Four Kings Bar & Grill would survive one night without their bartender, but Nephrite likely would never get another chance like this. He was going out with Lita.

He ran a brush through his warlord's mane for the hundredth time. His hair was his pride, all puns intended; natural, glossy, and with a slight curl. He grimaced slightly as he slid his hair through the band and tied it back in a ponytail so as not to look quite so rugged. He checked and re-checked his appearance in the bathroom mirror and adjusted the cuffs of his white dress shirt. His pants and jacket were pressed, his shoes were polished. He sprayed himself with Chaps. Utter male perfection.

"You hypocrite." Zoisite teased him from the hallway, "This is exactly what you bitch at me for."

"You do this every day." Nephrite was quick to reply, "Sometimes twice."

"Yeah, so?" Zoisite asked.

"Right now I'm looking my best." Nephrite announced proudly, "If I did this every day there would be nothing to look forward to."

"So you're saying I look my best every day?" Zoisite tried to turn the statement around.

"No, you look like a raging homo-fag no matter what you do." Nephrite answered laughing heartily at his own joke, "Heh heh… homo-fag…."

"Yeah, great…" Zoisite groaned wondering why he tried to start a conversation in the first place.

"I'll bet you any money Lita would've laughed." Nephrite wagered in all seriousness, "How much?"

"None much."

"Don't be such a cock, Zoisite, I'll knock your ass into next week." Nephrite threatened and then pondered, "Hell, I'll be Lita could kick your ass."

"No wonder you're so taken with her." Zoisite realized, "She's the female version of you!"

"I haven't heard her belch yet, that'll be the real test." Nephrite stated factually.

"Wow." Zoisite deadpanned, "Just unbelievable."

"It's okay to be jealous, Zoi." Nephrite winked at his copper-haired companion, "Who knows, maybe Lita likes to share."

"This conversation is over." Zoisite stated with finality and walked away.

"What?" Nephrite called after him, "I didn't necessarily mean a three-way!"

"I'm not listening to you!" Zoisite's voice carried from the kitchen as he kept walking. Nephrite laughed again and finished checking himself over.

He threw on his jacket and took a swig of Listerine as he walked out the door of the house, gargling as he went. He spit a long blue line before he got into the Jeep and primed the CD player with the best mix of heavy, crunching hard rock that he could find. Led Zeppelin's "The Ocean" thundered through the Bose stereo system and the pedal touched the floor. Nephrite was giddy; he had never been giddy.

According to the directions she had given him, Lita lived in a development on the far north side of town. It was only about a ten minute drive, but Nephrite would be arriving almost a half hour early. Not wanting to look quite so over-eager he plotted a ridiculously convoluted route on his GPS and wound his way in and out of the city to kill time. He had already made reservations at the Ruth's Chris Steakhouse on the other side of town, the only place by his estimation that made a better steak than his own grill. It was a laid-back enough environment so as not to be stifling, but still considered fine dining. Nothing made Nephrite feel quite as manly as to eat at establishments with a dress code.

"I should've rented a car." Nephrite growled and wrung his hands around the wheel of the maroon Jeep Liberty. It was Kunzite's call on what communal vehicle to buy. This was "spacious" and "adaptable" but in no way "macho" by Nephrite's estimation.

When he finally arrived at his destination he found Lita's house as part of a larger, newer development. She lived in a decently sized ranch style home with a generous amount of landscaping work done. As he walked the winding path to her door he couldn't help but wonder how much of it she did herself. _Probably all of it_, he thought. He pressed the doorbell which gave a satisfying, loud ding from behind the large brown slab.

"We don't want any." Her voice called from behind the door. Nephrite laughed in spite of the quiet confidence he was trying to exude.

The door swung open and she greeted him properly. She looked completely different than what he remembered of her in the dull gaslight glow of the Four Kings. She was positively _radiant_. She was dressed in a form-fitting gown of emerald green and her hair was immaculately curled and pinned up with clips that looked like copper leaves.

"Good lord." He gasped and shook his head in astonishment, "You look amazing."

"Thank you." She accepted gracefully, "I like the ponytail. Nice touch."

"I figured you would appreciate not being seen with a full-on Viking tonight." Nephrite replied, "Shall we?"

"I just need to grab my purse." She told, "Come on in."

Nephrite graciously stepped into the house and closed the door. The living room was rather stark with only a couch and coffee table to call furniture, not even a television. She had a pair of matching torch lamps in the corners framing a large bay window and a few pictures on the wall of various nature scenes, mostly forests. She returned momentarily with her purse and caught him eyeing the living room.

"I'm in the middle of redecorating." She said in an obvious cover-up. He scolded himself for trying to read her tone of voice, "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be." He assured her with a smile.

Nephrite led her out to his Jeep and opened the door for her. Nephrite could be boorish, crass, and a complete mess of drunken vulgarity, but above all else he believed men should be gentlemen in the presence of a woman. Around his friends was a different story, but when he was courting Nephrite turned into a completely different animal ruled by a knightly code of chivalry. He prided himself on holding doors, pulling out chairs, planning tear-jerking romantic gestures, and, above all, defending honor, preferably physically.

Lita, although she definitely appeared that she was capable of defending her own honor, seemed to appreciate the subtle gestures. He saw it in her body language as he listened attentively to the story of her day on their drive to the restaurant. He simply paid attention and apparently that was enough to elicit a positive response. When they arrived at the restaurant and she reached for the door handle he demanded that she wait while he ran around the front of the Jeep and opened the door for her.

The restaurant was split into two levels and Nephrite had specifically reserved seating on the upper level so they could have a better view. He approached the maître d' swiftly and flashed the Four Kings Bar & Grill Platinum American Express card.

"Good evening, sir. Welcome." The host greeted him rigidly, "May I have your name, please?"

"Yes, the reservation is for Tanner." Nephrite replied.

"You used my name?" Lita asked looking puzzled.

"They always ask me to spell my name when I call and then never pronounce it correctly." Nephrite whispered. Lita muffled a laugh.

"Right this way, sir." Their host offered and led them to their table on the balcony. The restaurant featured huge windows facing the skyline of the city and Nephrite took his seat with his back to them so Lita could enjoy the view.

"It's been a while since I've been to a place like this." She admitted and poked her folded napkin, "It brings back memories."

"What's his name?" Nephrite asked and cracked his knuckles for effect.

"No, not like that." Lita laughed, "My parents…"

"Oh." Nephrite said and registered the immediate pain in her face.

"They owned a restaurant when I was little. It used to win all kinds of awards." She explained, "I used to love it there. I would get them in so much trouble with their clientele because they'd take me with them, but I'd always somehow end up taking off my clothes and streaking through the dining room."

Nephrite laughed with her. "You know, I bet if you did that here the place would start winning every award in the book."

"I'll assume that's a compliment." Lita said with a smile.

"Most definitely." Nephrite replied, "You really do look gorgeous."

She didn't reply, she looked down at the table and Nephrite bit his tongue. Too much, too soon. He needed to refocus his efforts away from her obvious beauty. Every lump-headed beef sack who has ever tried to lean in on Lita has probably yammered on and on about how good-looking she was. He needed a distraction, or better yet, a topic. His thoughts were interrupted by the approach of their well-dressed waiter.

"Good evening, sir, ma'am. It's very good to see you, my name is Matthew; I'll be taking care of you tonight." Their blonde server introduced himself cordially, "Will this be your first time dining with us this evening?"

"No, no." Nephrite answered, "Been here many a-time."

"Excellent, excellent." The waiter responded, "Can I start you with a beverage, or perhaps the wine list?"

"Hmm…" Nephrite thought and asked Lita, "Are you okay with wine?" She nodded affirmative, "Shiraz?" Another nod, "Could we get a bottle of the John Lehmann Shiraz, please?"

"Yes, sir. Excellent choice." The waiter replied, "I'll bring your wine right away."

"Should we wait until he takes our order or just place bets now on whether or not he's gay?" Nephrite whispered across the table. Lita smiled slightly, but said nothing.

"The landscaping at your house was pretty intense to my eye." Nephrite said quickly trying to build up some steam, "Did you do all of that yourself?"

"Most of it." She answered distantly.

Nephrite clenched his hands under the table. He usually had no trouble at all striking up a conversation. Maybe that was because he enjoyed hearing himself talk… he shook the thought away. Something needed to be done. Their waiter returned quickly with their wine. After the obligatory inspection and tasting they both had their glasses topped off and ordered their steaks. Nephrite's was a New York strip, medium rare. Lita's was the house specialty, bacon-wrapped Filet Mignon.

He had hoped the distraction would jump-start her into conversation, but it didn't. His mind raced for something to say, but he came up short. Reluctantly he decided to fall back on one of his favorite gimmicks; the one that never failed to break the ice. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a pair of thin, wire-rimmed spectacles and slid them onto his nose.

"I've never seen you wear glasses before." Lita mentioned when she saw them appear.

"I don't." Nephrite answered wryly and pulled an index card out of his pocket.

"What's this?" she asked playfully. Nephrite dramatically cleared his throat and straightened his tie.

"We will begin this evening with the questionnaire which was invented by Marcel Proust and brought to perfection by the French journalist Bernard Pivot." Nephrite began speaking studiously with a slow, academic drawl.

"Wait, what?" Lita interrupted him with a wave of her hand, "A questionnaire?"

"Trust me on this one." Nephrite said and winked at her, "Miss Tanner… what is your favorite word?"

"Wait a minute." Lita demanded, "Are there cameras somewhere? Are you seriously quizzing me?"

"If you'd like we could do what we did the last time we were at my bar and sit around staring awkwardly at anything but each other." Nephrite said and Lita suddenly looked quite sullen, "Trust me, it'll be fun."

"I get to do this to you after I'm done, right?" Lita asked.

"Of course." Nephrite replied and asked again, "So, what's your favorite word?"

"Crunchy." She replied quickly without much thought, "I've always liked the way it sounds."

"What is your least favorite word?"

She paused and thought for a moment, "Uh… I don't know." She rubbed her chin, "I don't know, I don't think about this kind of stuff, you know?

"Come on, this is supposed to be fun." Nephrite cajoled her, "Just pick one."

"Least favorite word…" she pondered for a moment and then a large smile drew across her face, "Quixotic."

"Quixotic?" Nephrite asked with a grin, "Why?"

"I don't know, I saw it written on a memo at work once and got pissed off." Lita told him, "It's not an everyday sort of word and I thought whoever used it was trying to look smarter than they actually were. Quixotic? Seriously? Nobody talks like that."

"Huh…" Nephrite thought and moved down the list, "What turns you on?" Lita's face fell at the question and Nephrite quickly jumped in again, "Not, like, sexually necessarily. What gets you excited is what I mean."

"Oh." Lita thought for a moment, "Bread. Like, really fucking good bread. It's one of the simplest things in the world to make, but it's really easy to screw up. Good bread is awesome."

Nephrite smiled at her honesty. And her sometimes dirty mouth, "What turns you off?"

"Loneliness." She said simply. Nephrite's head jerked up at that declaration. Lita wasn't looking directly at him; she was studying the tablecloth in front of her. Nephrite hadn't expected such a profound statement, but he felt good about the direction things were heading. She was finally starting to open up a little bit; he had to remember to send a thank you note to _Inside the Actor's Studio_.

"Lita?" He asked sounding as deadly serious as possible, "What is your favorite curse word?"

She laughed at the question and answered, "Well, _fuck _of course. It's just so versatile."

"It's a good one." Nephrite agreed and consulted his index card again, "What sound do you love?"

"Sound?" Lita asked, "Umm… what sound do I love?"

"Besides my gravelly, masculine voice I mean." Nephrite added.

"Yeah, you're just full of them, aren't you?" Lita dismissed him with a smirk, "I love the sound of rustling leaves in the fall. It's very peaceful."

"What sound do you hate?"

"Oh my god!" Lita exclaimed as though she were waiting for this question forever, "I absolutely fucking hate the theme song from _Jaws_. I don't know why, it's just… ugh, I _hate_ it! Do songs count?"

"Yeah, we're not picky. _Jaws_, huh? Interesting…" Nephrite told her and referenced his card one more time, "What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?"

"I want to be a restaurateur." She told him without a moment's hesitation, "I'll admit it, I'm kind of jealous of you guys. It wouldn't be a bar and grill, though, it would be something a bit more upscale, like this place."

"Yeah, that's definitely not us." Nephrite agreed and took a drink of his Jim Beam.

"Or maybe, if I could get good enough at it, a _pâtissier, _you know, apastry chef in some ritzy five-star restaurant." Lita concluded looking positively radiant as she considered her dream job.

"What job would you not like to attempt?"

"Anything medical." She replied with a slight twitch, "I can barely stand myself when I get sick, I can't be around sick people, or, like, bodies. I don't know, I just feel useless in those situations."

"Last one." Nephrite said and laid his index card face down on the table, "If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive?"

Lita's grin faltered and she suddenly didn't know what to do with her hands so she hid them under the table. The answer to this question took a moment to come out.

"I don't believe in heaven." She admitted.

"Neither do I." Nephrite agreed with her, "But that's not the point of the question."

"It seems kind of stupid to answer a question I don't believe in." Lita told him as she took a sip of her water, "I don't even believe in God."

"Pretend that you do." Nephrite suggested, "It's just a question. No harm, no foul."

Lita studied his face for a moment trying to find his ulterior motive, but couldn't come up with one. She sighed heavily and crossed her arms over her chest. After a few moments she absentmindedly began browsing the dessert menu which was extremely effective in distracting her. If there was one thing she loved more than life itself it was dessert. After a few more moments of quiet indignation she began to relent.

"I could certainly tell you what I'd say to God _if_ he exists." Lita said with a vengeful smirk, "But then I don't think I'd get within a million miles of heaven."

"You don't get dessert unless you finish the questionnaire." Nephrite told her and stole the dessert menu out from under her nose.

"Wow, not fair at all." She quipped after unsuccessfully trying to snatch it back, "You're a real jackass, you know that?"

"Yes."

She huffed at him and folded her arms again. His eyes began to bore twin holes into hers and she had to look away to keep from either throttling him across the table or bursting into laughter. She leaned forward and sighed.

"If heaven exists what would I like to hear God say?" She asked and rolled the question around again. Her eyes closed and twitched. She sniffed and took a deep breath. "I'd like to hear him say _'I'm glad you're here; your Mom and Dad haven't shut up about you in years.'_"

Nephrite was not a man to be easily moved. Lita's words practically broke his heart. She fidgeted in her seat and took another sip of water.

"I'm sure they were very proud of you." Nephrite said compassionately.

"Yeah, well they didn't get much of a chance to be proud of me." Lita said angrily, her painful memories were starting to get the best of her, "They died when I was five." She said under her breath, "I'd like to hear God apologize for that."

"It's obvious they are still a big part of your life." Nephrite tried to cool her down.

"Not really." She said despondently, "They're dead."

"My parents are gone, too." Nephrite tried to ease her mood. It wasn't completely a lie considering Nephrite never actually had parents, but he figured it to be close enough for comfort.

"Sorry to hear that." She replied without much sincerity or warmth, but then immediately bounced back with, "So is that the end of your little twenty questions?"

"Actually it's only ten." Nephrite replied wishing he could have delved a little deeper into Lita's parental issues. Still, his experiment seemed successful. At least she was communicating with him on the level. "It's your turn."

"Gimme that card." She ordered and Nephrite flicked his index card across the table to her like it was a paper football. She caught it deftly between two fingers, "Do I have to use these questions or can I make up my own?"

"You have to use those questions." He informed her, "Those are the rules."

"Uh-huh." She brushed him off, "And who came up with this again?"

"Bernard Pivot. He was a rather famous French journalist and interviewer." Nephrite replied and she only stared at him, "I stole it from a guy on _Bravo!_ all right?"

"Yeah, James Lipton." She replied with a roll of her eyes, "Like I've never seen Will Ferrell do this sketch on _Saturday Night Live_ before."

"So you knew from the beginning?" Nephrite paled, "Here I thought I was being original and clever."

"Well this is working better than a bad pick-up line and hours of idle chatter about the bullshit we do for a living." Lita told him with a smile. Nephrite returned it in kind. "What's _your_ favorite word?"

"Bourbon."

"I said word, not drink, you moron." Lita said smugly.

"Oh, sorry." Nephrite joked back, "Um… my favorite word is still bourbon."

"Your least favorite word?" Lita asked, "And don't say Zima."

"I hate the word guesstimate." Nephrite told her with a nod, "It's a stupid word. You can't estimate a guess or it's not a guess and you can't take a guess at estimation or you don't know what the fuck you're doing. The two words don't work together separately and you can't combine them to make it work. Fucking guesstimate. Stupid ass word."

"And what turns you on, Nephrite?" Lita asked in a sultry voice despite the fact that Nephrite told her this question wasn't necessarily sexual in nature.

"Intelligence." He replied and leaned down to be eye-to-eye with her, "Having someone I can talk to without stopping to define every other word for them."

The flattery was not lost on her, but she didn't give him the satisfaction of showing it, "What turns you off?"

"People who think they're entitled to something."

"What's your favorite curse word?" She asked lazily, "As if I don't already know."

"You don't already know." He told her proudly, "Bullshit."

"Really? I would've totally guessed _fuck_." She replied, "Considering you use it in every other sentence."

"Yeah, but fuck tends to lose its potency after a while." Nephrite explained, "People end up using it like punctuation, I know I do. Bullshit is just so thick and has such a good ring to it. You can really get some use out of it, too. Like, when someone tells you something you don't believe you can gasp and go _'Bullshit!'_ or if you're really angry at someone you can really get some emphasis on it, like, _'That's BULLshit!_'" He punched his hand on the first syllable for effect.

"I think you missed your calling." Lita told him, "You'd make a good teacher."

"No way." Nephrite replied, "I don't have nearly enough patience for that."

"Hmm, what's next?" Lita asked as she consulted the card, "What is your favorite sound?"

"Anything that has a good, heavy click behind it." Nephrite explained, "Like the sound of a well-made lock being latched, or someone chopping wood."

"Aww." She pouted, "Here I thought you were going to be all sentimental and mushy and say something like soft rain outside your window."

"Do I look like Zoisite?" Nephrite asked and then threw a hand in front of him, "Don't you dare answer that."

"What's your least favorite sound?" Lita obliged him.

"Children singing nursery rhymes." Nephrite admitted looking somewhat embarrassed, "They get stuck in my head, every time, no matter what I do."

"That's funny." She laughed genuinely. She checked the card again, "What job would you like to have other than your own?"

"Wooden roller coaster designer." Nephrite replied immediately.

"You've thought about this one." Lita picked up on his eagerness to answer.

"It's my fucking weakness." Nephrite replied fondly, "You can't beat a good wooden roller coaster for anything in my book. If there was an amusement park anywhere near where we lived I'd ride one of those things every free moment of every day. I've dragged the rest of the guys halfway across the country to ride some of the best woodies. I can't get enough."

"Weird." Lita replied.

"No weirder than making soufflé for a living." Nephrite winked at her, "You're not scared of roller coasters, are you?"

"No, I just…" Lita began and Nephrite's earnest grin threw her off balance and she started giggling, "I've never met anyone who got, you know… wood… from a wooden roller coaster."

"Ahh. Har har." Nephrite laughed sarcastically, "Very funny."

"Thank you, I know." She said very pleased with herself, "So what job don't you want to have?"

"I would like to have to be an actor on a kid's television show, like the guy from _Blue's Clues_." Nephrite admitted, "I don't think I'd be able to handle doing that day in and day out. Those people are just creepily cheerful."

"I'm getting the feeling you don't like kids very much." Lita interpreted his answers.

"Well, I mean, it's not that I don't like kids." Nephrite tried to explain, "I don't like all the stuff that goes along with kids. I can't relate, I guess. They're kids, come on, what am I supposed to do? I'm a grown man, I curse, I drink, I fuck… I can't do anything with kids; totally off my game when it comes to them."

"What about all that young at heart stuff people talk about?" Lita wondered of her companion.

"Bullshit." Nephrite answered, "See? Favorite word, how about that?" Lita looked at him crossly expecting a better answer, "Look, I have fun with my life. I work hard, I play hard. I'm a guy; I don't know what you want me to say."

"Boys with toys." Lita said and pointed at Nephrite with one a long finger, "You and your buddies at the Four Kings. That's all you are."

"Oh, don't give me that sorry old bullshit." Nephrite said and looked astonished, "There's that word again…"

"Nephrite."

"What?" He almost snapped, "Are you saying I'm a child?"

"I'm saying you have child-like qualities." Lita explained and grinned at him, "It's not necessarily a bad thing; I think it suits you."

"So the other night you called me pure." Nephrite remembered their previous encounter, "And now you're saying I'm child-like. I must really be missing something when I walk past a mirror."

"It's on the inside." Lita said in a suddenly very spiritual and empathetic voice, "You don't always show it, but I see it. It's that wide-eyed wonder that you have about the world."

"I think maybe you've had a bit too much to drink." Nephrite suggested and motioned to Lita's drained wine glass, "This is my world, baby, everyone else just lives in it."

"Yeah, I'm sure of it. Child-like." Lita said with a bouncy laugh, "Your overly-macho sense of superiority confirms it."

"I think I might just have to show you exactly how un-child-like I really am." Nephrite groaned and folded his napkin awkwardly for lack of anything to occupy his hands.

"Are you propositioning me?" Lita asked and turned her face sideways.

"I was thinking more of a monster truck rally or something along those lines." Nephrite admitted honestly, "Why, would you like me to proposition you?"

"I think you should probably drop it."

"Dropped."

Lita smiled. Nephrite was certainly entertaining. True to his word he was keeping his distance, holding his tongue, and respecting her wishes to keep things casual. She looked down at the index card and realized there was still one question left.

"So yeah." She started, "The heaven question?"

"This doesn't require any thought at all because I know exactly what will happen." Nephrite said proudly and straightened out his sleeves with a dramatic flourish, "When I die I'll walk up to the Pearly Gates and God will slap me on the back, hand me the keys and say _'Remember to lock up when you're finished._'"

"Wow." Was Lita's response. She rolled her tongue along the inside of one cheek, "Just… wow."

"That's right." Nephrite congratulated himself, "Walk it off."

They laughed together. It was a fantastic sound. Nephrite was sure they were making far too much noise for the establishment they were in, but he didn't care. His Platinum American Express assured him the blind eye would beturned to his antics with his beautiful and now much more outgoing and animated date. They finished their meal while chatting about a variety of things, laughing quite a bit, and drinking even more. Nephrite eventually had to cut himself off from the wine to ensure he would be able to drive home. After an absolutely decadent dessert of what Nephrite termed "god damned double-melted-chocolate over chocolate sundae chocolate cake pie with chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate" they uncomfortably hiked down the stairs towards the front door.

"I can barely move." Lita moaned happily.

"God, and I have to _drive _still." Nephrite joined her, "Why haven't we invented a better way to lug our fat asses around yet?"

She laughed painfully. Nephrite stumbled out into the parking lot weighed down by his meal and brought the Jeep up to the doors of the restaurant. He could see the maitre d' sneer at his car and thought about flipping him off, but thought better of it. He might want to come back one day. He opened the door for Lita and helped her in before dragging his way back to the driver's side.

"I'm exhausted." He whined, "You want to just camp in the Jeep tonight?"

"Tempting as that is, I have to go to work in the morning." Lita said looking genuinely apologetic.

"How about dying right here?" Nephrite asked and let his head hit the head rest.

"All these moments will be lost in time." Lita agreed, "Like tears in the rain." Her words snapped Nephrite immediately to attention, "Time to die."

"Jesus Fuck-Me-Running Christ." Nephrite cursed as proudly as he could, "Seriously? _Blade Runner_?"

"Yeah." She said looking as surprised as him, "Why?"

"I've never met a woman who has even heard of _Blade Runner_, let alone can quote it." Nephrite said affectionately, "You must be a replicant."

"Nexus Six." She replied with a wink, "Only a four year lifespan, so get your fill."

They couldn't stay silent after that, despite being well overfed. By the time they returned to Lita's house they were in full-on pop culture mode discussing anything and everything from androids to Zork.

"The new _Star Trek_ movie?" Nephrite asked expectantly.

"Loved it." Lita replied, "But my god, Karl Urban needs a bigger part next time. It's Kirk, Spock _and_ McCoy, that's the way it works. It's a holy trinity."

"_Iron Man 2_?" Nephrite asked.

"Good, could've been better." Lita gave her two-second review.

"Umm…" Nephrite thought aloud, "_Avatar?_"

"Looked pretty, that's about it." Lita replied, "_Dances With Wolves _in space."

"Thank you!" Nephrite cried up at the roof of his Jeep, "I swear to God that James Cameron put something in the water last year. Everyone was just so up in arms about it, oooh-ahhh the cute, blue-skinned cat-people!"

He got out of the Jeep and opened her door for her again. They walked together up the winding path to her house talking about how all of Quentin Tarantino's movies seemed to exist in the same, bizarre alternate universe. Before they knew it the door was staring them in the face.

"Well." He said and his hands nervously dug into his pockets, "Here we are."

"Yeah." She said quietly.

"It was a good night." He offered, "I had fun."

"Me too." She agreed and looked nervously at the door, "I'd invite you in, but…"

"I know, it's late." He said and scratched the base of his neck, "And you have work in the morning."

"Right." She answered and studied the ground. Her hand moved behind her and sought out the door knob. She turned it hastily and stepped back, halfway inside, "Well, goodnight. I'm sure I'll see you at the restaurant."

"Lita, wait." Nephrite said shakily and reached out to her. He took her hand softly in his. She jerked back slightly, but only from surprise. "I, uh… I have to admit, it's been a while since I've done this." Nephrite told her. He brought it up to his lips and lightly kissed her hand.

"Good night, Miss Tanner." He said politely and turned away. He heard the door click behind him. His eyes closed hard. It was way too awkward of a way to end the night. Suddenly he heard the door open again and he spun around. Lita rushed up to him and grabbed him by the arm.

"I'm inviting you in." she growled in a primal voice and practically dragged Nephrite through the door. She spun around him. The door slammed shut.

If he planned on speaking he didn't get the chance. Her lips sought his with a wild abandon that he'd only seen in movies. She shoved him backward and he hit the door, painfully jamming the doorknob into his kidney. He ignored the pain and kissed her back as hard as he could, trying desperately to match her intensity while still managing to breathe. One of the copper leaf pins had already fallen out of her hair. Chestnut curls caressed the side of his face. She smelled like burning cinnamon incense.

When she finally pulled away from him his lower lip was in pain; it might have been bleeding. She didn't stop; she pulled his shirt aside in one motion and buttons popped off freely. Nephrite gasped at the touch of her fingers against his beating chest. She wove her hands across his skin and through fabric. She grabbed onto his jacket and pulled wildly.

"Uh… okay?" Nephrite half-asked as he tried to follow her. He heard seams ripping and his eyes clenched tight. "Gah! Armani!" He called out.

She tore the jacket off him and moved down to undo his belt. He stumbled backwards again, losing his balance as his loosened pants fell around his ankles. He silently thanked whatever power that lorded above that he went with plain black boxers tonight instead of his usual Jack Daniels logo that he usually wore. Lita was already rubbing him through the fabric. He had to refocus on his nerves to cool himself down. She pressed her lips into his again and he could feel her teeth digging at him. Her hands worked their way up his back and her nails suddenly clamped into his skin. He tried to yelp out in pain or make some noise, but he was caught in her grasp, both by her hands and her mouth. She dragged her nails down. He couldn't help it anymore and he grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away.

"My God!" he shouted in pain and surprise, "What the hell's gotten into you?"

She didn't answer. Her teeth were bared like a wild animal, her eyes were watering, and the tips of her fingers were red with blood. Nephrite reached down and pulled his pants up. It was a mistake. She came at him again and pinned his arms to the door behind him and she latched onto his lower lip with her teeth, sucking and pulling at it for all she was worth. Nephrite jerked his knee up to her midsection and pushed, but she fought him. Her hands sought out his neck and she grabbed him and forced him to kiss her again. Her nails tore into him and her tongue invaded his mouth. She was groaning like a primal thing far beyond the throes of passion. A tear trailed down her cheek onto Nephrite's. He couldn't handle anymore. He shoved with all his might. Lita flew backwards into the wall, stunned for a moment. He grabbed the front of his pants with one hand, the doorknob with the other and slipped out the door in one fluid motion.

"You!" she screamed after him from her doorway. Lights in neighboring houses began flickering on at the unbelievable volume, "You fucking coward!"

Nephrite was trying his best not to listen. He fumbled in his unbuttoned pants for his keys and jumped into the Jeep. She was standing there sweating, in heat, with tears streaming down her face.

"I hate you!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, so loud that it sounded like an animal, "You hear me, you coward? I fucking_ hate_ you!"

The sound receded as he drove away. Nephrite's heart was racing. His back was bleeding on the seat cushion. His lips were raw, his tongue was sore. His neck showed ten identical wounds which were now beginning to bruise. His ponytail had become undone and his hair was sticking in clumps to his sweaty scalp. He wiped his brow with what was left of his shirt sleeve and tried to compose himself. Nothing was working. He just drove. The further away he could get from her the better. Nephrite had not wanted to believe the story that Andrew had told him about Lita's spastic nature; something inside told him that it would be okay, but now he had seen it in full force.

"Jesus…" was all he could say to himself as he drove. Nephrite, the powerful, honorable, courageous rock of the Shitennou, was running.


	18. Nothin' But a Hound Dog

_Author's Note: This chapter takes place before & during the events of the previous chapter._

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Nothin' But a Hound Dog

The Four Kings was going to be in a rough way today. Zoisite had already conscripted Jadeite into delivering Ares to his rightful owner and Nephrite was currently being screamed at by Kunzite for requesting the night off for a date with their Health Inspector. It would end up being Kunzite and Usagi running the Bar & Grill for most of the day and they were giving considerable thought to just throwing in the towel. Unfortunately it was a Friday and one of their best business days all-around.

"This shit has to stop." Kunzite argued early that morning, "You've all been taking way too much time off for frivolous shit and the bar & grill is going to suffer."

"This is different, Kunzite." Zoisite defended his position, "The dog can already tell that something is up, he won't even come downstairs. He's hiding from us. I can't do this myself, I need Jadeite's help."

"His owner should just come here and get the dog herself." Kunzite shot back, "I'm losing half of the staff this morning over that damned mutt."

"It's just one day, Kunzite." Jadeite offered his perspective, "We're only going to be gone for an hour tops."

"That's not the point." Kunzite declared, "Zoisite, you took time off the other day for some bullshit reason; Jadeite, you just walked out without any say-so just to spy on him like a juvenile; and you, Nephrite, you're going on a date? With our Health Inspector?"

"You've all turned me down for the past few centuries." Nephrite joked.

"I knew this was going to happen." Kunzite remarked and threw his hands up in defeat, "This is why we have such a hard time working together; nobody can see the big picture and nobody ever wants to commit for the long haul."

"You're overreacting, dude." Nephrite told him, "This is a one-time thing; who knew the dog's owner would come forward?"

"And what about you?" Kunzite demanded, "This is your once-in-a-lifetime chance, right? What if she wants to go out with you again? That'll be your once-in-a-lifetime chance to go on a second date, and then a third."

"I'm sorry. I was impulsive asking her out this time. I didn't even give _myself_ much notice." Nephrite apologized, "It's not going to be like this in the future."

"Uh-huh." Kunzite grunted dismissively.

"Come on, man!" Nephrite argued, "It's not like the place is going to fall apart at the studs because we're taking _one_ day off." Nephrite's eyes suddenly lit up, "Maybe we should just hire some more help, like Usagi."

"Then what's the point of our names being on the building?" Kunzite snapped, "The whole reason we did this is so _we_ could run it and so _we_ could reap the rewards. It's pointless if we just sit in the back all day and rack up payrolls for a dozen other employees." He slammed his fist off the refrigerator, "Damn it, it's the Four Kings, not the Four Kings _and Friends_."

"That…" Jadeite thought aloud for a moment, "That actually kind of has a nice ring to it."

Kunzite's blade-like gaze sliced through the air. Jadeite felt those eyes on him and he shrank into himself.

"Look, I'm sorry all of this came up at once." Zoisite offered his apology, "Jadeite and I will be as quick as we can be. You've got Nephrite for most of the day and Usagi comes in at noon. We'll pull a twelve or thirteen hour shift to make up for it."

"We will?" Jadeite asked and his head snapped around in surprise.

"Yes." Zoisite replied forcefully.

"Whatever." Kunzite reluctantly agreed, "You'll see, though. If this place starts to go to shit it's on your heads. I'm putting everything I have into this venture. You'll see…"

"It's going to be fine." Nephrite assured the eldest Shitennou, "Come on, let's get rolling. I have to get everything behind the bar ready for tonight."

"Fine." Kunzite growled, "I suppose you two are going to want the Jeep?"

"They won't let us take the dog in a taxi." Zoisite sheepishly admitted.

Kunzite didn't answer exactly. He mumbled something sounding vaguely vulgar and rapped in the numbers to the local taxi service on his cell phone. Nephrite offered the other two Shitennou a supportive wink from behind their leader's back and after a few minutes a yellow cab arrived to collect the elder men. Jadeite and Zoisite were left alone standing in the kitchen.

"Have you thought of a way out of this yet?" Zoisite asked as soon as the door shut behind Kunzite.

"No, have you?" Jadeite replied and Zoisite shook his head negatively. They both sighed.

At that moment they heard the familiar jangle of Ares' collar as the dog trotted down the stairs to join them. They both eyed him uneasily when he appeared in the doorway.

"Man, I didn't even hear you guys get up this morning." He said as he stretched his forelegs, "Did the other two leave already?" He stretched his hind legs.

"Yeah, they just left." Zoisite said and slid down into a waiting chair at the kitchen table.

"Two days off in a row?" Ares asked as he paced around the room, "What's the occasion?" The Shitennou didn't answer. They were both staring down at the linoleum floor. Ares' gaze drifted between them and he tried to get them upbeat, "Hey, come on. What's with the long faces?"

"We have something to tell you." Jadeite was the first one to speak up, but looked to Zoisite to be the one to actually relay the news.

"What?" Ares asked and his eyes darted back and forth, "What is it?"

"This dog that you're in, Ares." Zoisite said slowly, "Yesterday…" His face hardened as he remembered the unpleasant encounter with Mamoru and Rei at the bar, "Mamoru found the owner."

"What?" The canine gasped in surprise.

"He did it on purpose." Zoisite growled remembering Mamoru's insipid winks and icy glances, "He brought the owner's granddaughter with him, a woman named Rei; one of the _senshi_ if you can believe it. She wants us to take the dog… _you_... back to her grandfather today."

"He's trying to screw up our plans to reunite him with the Golden Crystal." Jadeite added, "He even knew I was there that night when Zoisite took you to visit him. I'm surprised he didn't just blurt it out for the whole restaurant to hear."

Ares slumped down and his tail wrapped around in front of him. His head hung down slowly.

"That's not all." Zoisite continued, "I don't know if it means anything, but yesterday when this happened all the _senshi_ were at the restaurant at the same time. All five of them."

"Really?" Ares asked looking intrigued, "What were they like together?"

"Aside from Usagi and her friend, the one that looks just like her with the long blonde hair, I don't think any of them knew each other." Jadeite said, "Kunzite saw it first. I'll admit it was a little bit disarming."

"I just thought I'd mention it; I doubt it has any significance." Zoisite shifted the subject, "What are we going to do about today, though? We can't just let you go back to this William Shatner guy. How would be stay in contact?"

"Obviously this dog escaped once, I'm sure I can do it again." Ares replied assuredly.

"They'll probably take more precautions this time." Jadeite theorized, "What if they put in one of those invisible fences or something like that while the dog has been away?"

"I'll think of something." Ares promised, but his gaze was faltering.

"Damn it!" Zoisite cursed and paced back and forth in a tight arc, "What a frigging mess."

"There's no point in getting worked up over it." Ares commented in the tone of a quiet mentor, "It can't be helped now. We'll just have to work around it."

"Easy for you to say." Zoisite replied and then slapped a hand over his mouth, "I'm sorry, Mas—"

"Don't you say that word." Ares cut him off, "And it's alright. I understand your frustration. Trust me, I've got loads of my own to deal with."

"You've always been able to deal with everything so easily." Jadeite spoke up in admiration, "Even after all this time, in the wrong body, too, nothing ever gets under your skin. It's amazing."

"I'll have Kunzite to thank for that."Ares replied with a smirk, "All those lectures and sparring matches. _"Keep a level head, Master, and the enemy's playing field will become uneven._" Ares smiled fondly, "Talk about someone who takes their own advice."

"Kunzite's been a bit overbearing these last few months." Zoisite admitted, "With the Golden Crystal issue and the opening of the restaurant he's really started to fray at the edges. I never thought I'd live to see the day, myself."

"Kunzite is just settling into a new rhythm; a new way of life." Ares replied and caught the two Shitennou in his gaze, "Nephrite has already let go that much is obvious. I'm concerned that you two, however, are still letting the events of the past rule your present."

"What do you mean?" Zoisite asked defensively.

"You still call me Master, Zoisite." The canine replied candidly, "Jadeite, you do it too, sometimes. I know you both too well. You were the youngest, true, but you were also the most loyal. It's that loyalty that is keeping you rooted in the past."

"What are we if not loyal to you?" Zoisite asked almost insulted, "Our whole reason for being is to protect our Master."

"You can protect me _and_ Mamoru without acting like a slave." Ares replied firmly, "Your loyalty is admirable and noble, Zoisite, but it's also your greatest weakness. It's trapping you." Ares turned to Jadeite, "You as well, Jadeite. I know you laugh and you joke and you sometimes lead the chorus against Mamoru when he does something moronic." Jadeite had to grin slightly at that, "But what is that if not a form of loyalty? You want to move on, I know it, but you're deflecting it through your humor and, frankly, how you tend to stay in the background of things."

"What do you mean I stay in the background?" Jadeite asked.

"You still defer totally to Kunzite and even Nephrite, sometimes." Ares told him, "I've said this before: the Shitennou are equals. Yes, so Kunzite was considered your leader long ago, and you two were far younger than Nephrite and Kunzite, but you all have the capacity to act on your own _and_ as a team. Your great strength lies in your bond; I am strengthened by that bond, just as the Princess draws her strength from the bond she has with her _senshi_."

"But you are our Master." Zoisite stressed again, "If you're asking us to just discard our duty… I can't even consider it!"

"I don't want you to discard your duty." Their dislocated master assured them, "I just want you to stop thinking of me as some towering tyrant!" Ares saw their faces fall, "If what you need is forgiveness, even though I've said you have nothing to apologize for, then _I forgive you_."

They were silent for a moment. Zoisite was the one who broke it: "I know what you're trying to say, but…" He looked up at the ceiling, "You _are_ my Master. I can live in this world; I can go to work at our restaurant; I can endure Nephrite's immaturity. However, I am a Shitennou and I cannot rest until my duty is fulfilled to protect my Master. Until you are safe again and your life is your own, I will only live to make that happen."

"Zoisite…" Ares said affectionately, "You never change."

"Someone has to stay by your side." Zoisite replied with an honest smile.

"I also appreciate your honesty, Master." Jadeite added, "However, even if Kunzite and Nephrite knew about our clandestine efforts and commanded me to stop, I would not." Jadeite smiled almost maliciously, "It's my loyalty to you that helps me adapt to this day and age. Before we found Mamoru again I was always the runt of the litter; now he gets it all."

"Flattering. Thank you." Ares replied dryly.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure I get it the worst out of anyone." Zoisite corrected.

"If we can resolve this and get the Golden Crystal back to Mamoru I swear I'll hold Nephrite down for you and you can take a few free shots on me." Ares promised the copper-haired King with a wry grin.

"That's going to be difficult now." Zoisite replied flatly, "I guess we should get going."

"I suppose." Jadeite relented and glanced down at Ares.

"It'll be alright." Their canine companion assured them, "Somehow it will all work out."

All the Shitennou could do was trust in their Master's calm, quiet resolve. They certainly believed in his optimism, but it didn't make handing him over to complete strangers any easier. Well… _almost_ complete strangers. Rei was a _senshi_, after all.

"Fate is a funny thing."

* * *

"Well, that's about everything." Andrew announced as the last of his boxes were carried out of Mamoru's apartment by the hired hands helping him move.

"That didn't take very long." Mamoru mentioned from his position reclining on his couch. He hadn't moved all day. Take-out boxes were littered around him in a small halo along with empty DVD cases and bottles of Dr. Pepper.

"Did you see how many guys I have helping me?" His ex-roommate asked, "I tell you, man, I can see why all the Paris Hilton's of the world end up the way they do. Disposable income is a fucking drug."

"Mm-hmm…" Mamoru mumbled incoherently.

Andrew sauntered over to the chair perpendicular to the couch and sat down, "I do have to say I'll miss this chair. We bought this god damn living room set in our freshmen year, didn't we? Lots of memories in this chair." Andrew grinned devilishly, "_Good_ memories."

"Take it if you want it." Mamoru grunted and threw his arm over his face.

"What's up with you?" Andrew asked him, "You didn't get this broken up the last time I moved out."

"This has nothing to do with you." Mamoru assured him, "I'm just not feeling well."

"You looked well enough last night at the bar." Andrew mentioned and then leaned in leeringly, "You and that girl you were with… you didn't end up, ah… you know?"

"No."

"I thought maybe you picked something up from her." Andrew winked at his old friend, "During the passionate exchange of bodily fluids."

"No."

"Too bad. I'd hit that in a fucking second." Andrew answered and stood up, "And I've got the money to do it; she seemed the high-maintenance type."

"Could you give it a rest with the god damned money?" Mamoru snapped angrily. Andrew fell awkwardly silent at the outburst.

"Sir?" One of the movers poked his head through the apartment door, "We're all loaded up."

"I'll be down in a minute." Andrew answered. The man nodded and disappeared into the hallway.

Silence settled again. Mamoru didn't look up. Andrew didn't speak; he practically didn't breathe. True he had gone through a rough patch after losing his job, but whatever was eating away at Mamoru was no simple depression. He had watched his friend degenerate from a somewhat eccentric extrovert to a reclusive, angry shut-in in the span of only a few months.

"Listen, I just wanted to say thanks." Andrew said to him, "I know I wasn't in the best frame of mind when I lost my job, but you were there for me and I appreciate it." Andrew smiled fondly, "You've always been there for me."

"Yeah." Mamoru droned, brushing off the comment.

"Letting me stay here again was a big help." Andrew continued thanking the apparently unappreciative man before him, "I dealt with my shit in the complete wrong way. I drank a lot. I was probably one or two steps away from the edge."

"You're fine now." Mamoru reminded him.

"But _you're _not." He returned, "I don't know what's happened to you lately, Mamoru, but you haven't been yourself." He looked away, "I'm worried about you."

"Don't be." Mamoru told him and tried his best to look somewhat upbeat, "I'll be fine."

"I hope so." Andrew said honestly, "Let me know if I can help somehow."

"Everyone assumes I want help." Mamoru growled as his old friend turned away, "Why can't everyone get it through their thick skulls that I don't fucking _need _help."

"Keep this up and they might." Andrew answered gravely. He walked to the door and stepped into the hallway, "Goodbye, Mamoru."

The door snapped shut. Mamoru's eyes were glistening. _"Goodbye, Motoki."_ He whispered to himself.

His hand reached down into the crease of the couch and he pulled out two small articles. They were folded up tightly, creased and worn to the point of being almost unrecognizable. They were pictures. One of them was of Mamoru and Andrew. They both looked somewhat younger and their features were slightly different. Mamoru was flashing a peace sign. Andrew was standing next to him with a goofy smile. His hands were hidden beneath a white apron with Japanese characters written on it and a large crown logo.

Mamoru folded the photo again and unfolded the other one. This one was in considerably worse shape and looked to be ready to fall apart. The picture showed a younger Mamoru standing behind a young girl with his arms clasped around her. It was Usagi, but she looked different. Her hair was longer and styled in odangos; her features were predominantly Asian. Mamoru ran his fingers along the edge of the picture which looked to be singed by flame.

"God damn it." He swore to himself. His vision became liquid. After many restless hours of internal struggle and tears he fell asleep on the couch clutching the picture to his breast.

* * *

The address Jadeite and Zoisite were given by Rei was actually not that far from their home, but it was separated by a river that bisected the city. Their destination was a decently sized duplex with a large, blue, palisade-style fence surrounding the back yard. They heard the yelping of another dog behind the fence, but it was quite tall and neither Jadeite nor Zoisite could see over it. Ares followed them out of the Jeep as they approached the front door.

"This feels so weird." Zoisite whispered.

"I don't suppose we could offer to buy the dog?" Jadeite continued theorizing.

"No, we don't want to make this any more difficult." Ares recommended under his breath.

"I feel like we're missing the answer!" Zoisite grumbled, "Like the solution is right under our noses, but we can't see it."

"Just calm down." Ares whispered back, "The less reason you give these people to be suspicious of you the better."

"Speaking of suspicious," Jadeite reminded him, "You just remember to stop talking after we hand you over."

"Good point." Ares replied and twisted his neck around as far as he could, "Thank you both. For everything."

"I'm not listening to that tone." Zoisite dismissed the canine's solemn farewell with a hopeful grin.

They reached the door and pressed the doorbell. Within seconds the door swung open and they were met by the woman named Rei. Standing next to her was a balding, squat older man with heavy jowls and a permanent squint.

"Ahh, there's my Ares!" the old man greeted and the dog rushed forward and barked happily. Just like that he had reverted from the Shitennou's wise Master to back to a jovially frolicking puppy.

"Ares!" Rei greeted the dog and got down on her knees to pet him. Ares rolled over on his back and both Rei and her grandfather started enthusiastically rubbing his white-furred belly.

"I can't believe you found him, I expected the worst!" The old man announced. He reached out and shook Jadeite and Zoisite's hands in turn, "Thank you for taking care of him."

"It was our pleasure." Zoisite answered, "He's a very good dog; no trouble at all."

"Well I'm glad to hear that." The grandfather replied as he went back to petting his pet, "This little mutt seems to have a mind of his own."

Jadeite and Zoisite glanced at each other awkwardly. Rei stood up beaming with joy and ushered them into the house. It was small, like the Shitennou's home, but very well lived-in. Pictures adorned almost every square inch of the paneled walls. Many of them were of dogs, cats, horses, and other animals which they assumed were either past or present pets. Another dog who was almost identical to Ares trotted into the room and sniffed Jadeite's pant leg inquisitively.

"That's Ares' sister, Enyo." Rei explained, "They're the last two from the litter we bred."

"Ares and Enyo?" Zoisite asked and his brain cycled through all the Wikipedia articles he spent so much time reading, "From Greek mythology, right? They were brother and sister."

"Right!" Rei chirped, "It's kind of a family tradition to name our pets like that."

"Were you involved with breeding in your career?" Jadeite asked trying to maneuver his leg away from the dog's prying snout.

"I was a breeder and a trainer for many years." Rei's grandfather replied, "No professional training or anything, it's just something I fell into. I've always had an admiration for animals."

"And you?" Jadeite asked their hostess.

"No, nothing directly involving animals." She answered, "Even though I do have quite a few of my own. I'm actually in grad school right now studying ancient civilizations and customs."

"My Rei is quite the historian." Her grandfather beamed proudly, "She's already a professor at the university and only twenty three years old."

"Poppa!" she gasped in embarrassment, "I'm not a professor yet."

"You might as well be." He snorted, "Tea?" He asked and excused himself to the kitchen to get them all a cup of tea regardless of whether or not they wanted any.

"I'm just a research assistant." Rei explained to her guests, "I help out here and there, I guess, but I'm not actually teaching classes."

"Maybe I should go back to school." Jadeite quipped. Rei didn't let that remark slip past her.

"You two, you own that restaurant where I met Mamoru, don't you?" Rei asked, "It must be a big responsibility; I'm sure you don't have much free time."

"It can get a little stifling sometimes." Zoisite admitted, "But it's something we all agreed to do. We're making the most of it."

"That's really all you can do sometimes." Rei agreed, "I usually don't have much time to myself either, but until I'm done with my dissertation I'll have to make the time to keep an eye on Ares."

"Ares?" Zoisite asked and his eyes lit up, "What do you mean?"

"She means that she's adding one more to her collection!" Her grandfather announced as he returned with a tea tray for his guests, "Rei is going to take Ares with her. I'm holding onto Enyo."

"Really?" Zoisite asked very interested in this development, "Why is that, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Not at all." The old man answered at once, "It's no secret I'm not quite as spry as I used to be."

"You can still run circles around me, poppa, don't sell yourself short." Rei complimented the old man, obviously playing to his nostalgia.

"Well, at any rate, two of these old hound dogs are getting to be too much for me to handle." He admitted, "In my prime it wouldn't be a problem, but I can't go chasing them all around town when they get out and somehow they always do."

"Ares is still very young and he has a lot of excess energy that he can't burn off here." Rei explained, "I live out in the suburbs, I have a much larger property and there's a dog park nearby, plus the chance that he might wander out into traffic is much less than here in the city."

"I told her it was okay, that she could wait to take him until she was done with school, but Rei is extremely stubborn." Her grandfather said and nudged her on the shoulder, "Just like her mother was."

"The suburbs, huh?" Zoisite plotted as he sipped at his tea, "Can I make a proposition?"

"What's that?" Rei asked.

"Well, the thing is…" Zoisite looked embarrassed. Ares pawed his way over to him at sat down looking up and wagging expectantly. He started scratching him under the chin, "We really sort took a shine to this dog. We got used to having him around. I'm not ashamed to say we're sad to see him go."

"I see." Rei followed him. Her grandfather's eyes darted back and forth between her and the two men.

"If you're stretched for time, maybe we could help out in some way." Zoisite offered, "We'd be happy to take him out for a run or something every few day, or whenever you needed us to."

"Oh, no!" Rei almost leapt out of her seat at the offer, "I couldn't impose on you like that."

"We really would be happy to do it." Jadeite added, "You wouldn't even need to pay us."

"It would be such a huge inconvenience, though." Rei argued, "No, that's too much to offer. It's so far out of your way."

"It's really not far at all." Zoisite pushed the offer harder. He stretched the truth a bit to enhance his point, "It's practically on the way to work."

At this point Ares was wagging his tail frantically. He barked once and ran around in circles practically bouncing off the ground.

"Ha! Look at that!" Rei's grandfather laughed while pointing at the dog, "If I didn't know better I'd say he could understand every word!" He nudged his granddaughter again, something that seemed to visibly irritate her, "Come on Rei, I like these boys well enough and you definitely could use the help."

"Thank you, poppa." Rei grumbled. She obviously did not take kindly to decisions being made without her consent, "I still don't think it's necessary for you to go out of your way like this."Her eyes narrowed, "I don't even know you."

Jadeite felt the heat on his face from the intensity of Rei's glare. _Yes you do_, he thought despite himself. Even Zoisite cocked an eyebrow in his direction when he saw the younger king's lips curl up in a defiant grin. He hadn't seen Jadeite act this way in a long time.

"Well, I guess we'll have to change that." Jadeite offered with a wink.

Rei looked as if she wanted to leap across the room and strangle the grinning, blonde Shitennou. She didn't get the chance to even voice her opinion, however. Her grandfather cut her off with: "You might as well give in, Rei. These boys seem like they're just as stubborn as you."

He smiled warmly at Zoisite and Jadeite, a few of his teeth were missing, but it only made him seen even more genuine. Rei's grandfather was definitely a kind-hearted soul. He hoped only for the best. Zoisite silently thanked the stars, God, karma, and luck all at the same time that this man was who he was and not some horrible, closed-minded shut-in.

"I suppose we could set something up." Rei finally relented. Ares restrained himself from showing such obvious excitement, but he still paced around and barked happily.

"Excellent!" Zoisite practically screamed. He produced a business card from his back pocket, "Here, this is the number at the Four Kings. It'll probably be easier for you to reach us there."

"Okay." She agreed, "Do you still have my cell number?"

Jadeite smiled and tapped the side of his head. Rei narrowed her eyes again. Jadeite was enjoying the silent tug-of-war way too much. Zoisite obviously picked up on it and he began to usher them out of the old man's home.

"Thank you for your hospitality." Zoisite said politely, "I'm glad everything worked out so well."

"Hey, I'm glad Ares got picked up by such a fine pair of guys." Rei's grandfather said and shook the duo's hands again, "It was really great to meet you, uh…"

"Jadeite." Jadeite introduced himself, apparently forgetting to do so in the first place.

"Zoisite." His companion likewise said.

"Jadeite and Zoisite?" The old man pondered, "That's interesting. Swedish?"

"Um…" Zoisite stalled, "Sure."

"Ah, I thought so."

"Thank you guys again, honestly." Rei repeated as she led them to the front door, "My grandfather would never tell you himself, but he was worried sick about that dog."

"I can hear you, you know!" Her grandfather called from behind her.

"Well, we hope to hear from you soon." Jadeite struck up a hopeful tone. Ares trotted to Rei's side and panted. Jadeite reached down and scratched him on top of the head, "You be good, you hear?"

"We'll see you soon, Ares." Zoisite said and the two Shitennou turned away to their Jeep.

Rei and her grandfather stood in the doorway waving as they left along with Ares who simply sat there contentedly. Zoisite noticed the wink the dog offered as the climbed in their Jeep and started the engine. He couldn't help but smile.

"Okay." Jadeite said once the door was closed, "That wasn't a complete disaster."

"Not hardly." Zoisite agreed, "Make sure you don't forget her phone number."

"That's impossible." Jadeite replied with a predatory grin.

"You're kidding, right?" Zoisite blanched at the thought, "I was willing to overlook it with Nephrite in light of everything that's been going on, but she's one of the _sensh_, Jadeite!"

"So?" the younger king asked oblivious to the importance of such a statement.

"So?" Zoisite balked, "You know _exactly_ what I'm talking about."

"Are we going to dredge up the past again?" Jadeite asked hollowly, "Yes, I remember her from the Silver Millennium, but that was different."

"How, exactly?" Zoisite demanded.

"We were young and disobedient and we were on the cusp of a potentially life-ending war." Jadeite relayed his thoughts, "We weren't the same people we are today."

"We agreed." Zoisite argued seriously, "When we finally met up for the first time after we were brought back we all agreed that our relationships with the _senshi_ were over."

"Well, they're not the _senshi_ right now, are they?" Jadeite noted cleverly.

"That's not the point!" Zoisite cried out.

"You expect me to just ignore what happened in there? She practically made my blood boil and all we were doing was having a casual chat." Jadeite said and feverishly began rubbing his hands together, "My God, Zoisite, couldn't you feel the heat in that room?"

"It's a fire, Jadeite." Zoisite warned, "One that is going to burn the hell out of you in the end."

"We'll see." Jadeite said expectantly, "We ought to take in more strays."

Zoisite rolled his eyes and Jadeite jabbed him playfully in the arm. The King's thoughts drifted to Ares, now separated from them and practically in the care of strangers. Zoisite swallowed his despair as Endymion or Mamoru would have done. Somehow things were going to work out. They had to. Everything went to hell the last two times. Third time is the charm, right? He drove on. He hoped. He prayed.

* * *

Rei spent some more time with her grandfather before leaving for the day. The old man loaded the back of her car with dog food, bowls, bones, leashes, and other assorted paraphernalia that she didn't really need, but he insisted that she take. The black Labrador was silent and subdued for most of the drive, but his ears perked up when the car slowed down and pulled into the driveway a few miles outside the city.

"Here we are, Ares." She announced happily, "Home sweet home!"

She let the dog out and he immediately started playing the part. True to form he spent a good amount of time roaming around, sniffing, and peeing on everything. Rei's home was on the edge of the woods and was surrounded by a large, fenced-in yard that was extremely well-maintained. She had a small pond as part of her landscaping that contained a half-dozen fish of various species. Ares heard the familiar caw of two ravens that circled overhead. Rei called him over and she opened the front door.

Her home was mostly hardwood flooring with carpeting on the stairs and the upstairs. The house looked relatively new and though it was furnished well and had a lot of personal touches it seemed very empty. He had to assume Rei lived alone. There was no indication of roommates or significant others. Ares padded around the kitchen and living room to familiarize himself with his surroundings. Rei's laptop was open on the kitchen table and there was a pile of mail scattered over the rest of it.

"I guess I'm going to have to figure out a schedule for you." Rei said as she checked her calendar on the refrigerator door, "Let's see… should I feed you at the same time as the cats or not?"

Ares' ears lifted at the mention of cats. The combined consciousness of Endymion and Mamoru may have been contained within him, but he still felt the same instincts and urges as his canine host. Rei began preparing her dinner and Ares decided to wander. He went upstairs and nosed his way through the hallway, into the bathroom, her spare bedroom, and finally into Re's room. Her room was predominantly white and very well-kept. Nothing particularly interesting caught his attention until he looked up on her window sill and caught sight of one of the aforementioned cats.

It was female, no question. She was a purplish black color and looked sleek and fit and she was enjoying a nap in the evening sunlight. Ares tried to shuffle away quietly, but the cat heard him and woke up. She jumped down from the sill and struck a defensive posture staring straight at him, which is when he saw the curious mark on her forehead. It was a scar of some kind shaped like a crescent moon. Ares' heart fluttered in his canine chest. The cat approached cautiously. Ares leaned down on his front paws and laid his snout on the floor to be eye-to-eye with her. He felt the Golden Crystal within him ignite and glow. The crescent scar on the cat's forehead lit up with a golden sparkle.

"Pr-r-rince?" the feline purred in a startled manner. Her words were slurred and difficult. She obviously hadn't spoken in quite some time, "Prince Endymion?"

Ares tail wagged on its own. His hair stood on end from excitement. This whole arrangement suddenly seemed to be working out better than anyone thought it would.

"Luna!"


	19. Good Times, Bad Times

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Good Times, Bad Times

Zoisite was, predictably, the only one awake when Nephrite returned from his disastrous date with the apparently psychotic and masochistic Lita. The younger of the two Kings was sitting at the kitchen table with his laptop open reading about some inane topic on Wikipedia. He had a habit of doing that, so did Jadeite. Actually, when the thought finally came around, Nephrite did as well. There was something addictive about that website. Once you started it was difficult to stop. He pulled his ripped suit jacket off and staggered into the room.

"Jesus, Nephrite!" Zoisite exclaimed when he caught sight of the disheveled Shitennou, the bruises around his neck, and the blood seeping through his torn shirt, "Are you okay?"

"Gloat all you want, Zoisite, and savor it." Nephrite replied dryly, "This time I deserve it."

Zoisite jumped out of his seat and forced Nephrite to sit down at the table. He looked him over and inspected the wounds on his back and his neck. He was an absolute mess. Nephrite had come home late plenty of times covered in cuts and bruises after getting into pointless fights, especially in the early days when the Shitennou all started living together, so this wasn't exactly a new experience. Funny enough, Zoisite thought, he didn't smell like alcohol this time.

"What happened to you?" he asked, still shocked by the King's appearance.

"Lita happened." Nephrite answered darkly, "She happened with her teeth and her nails." Nephrite brushed a few strands of hair out of his face, "She happened all over me."

"I don't even feel like joking about this." Zoisite admitted as pulled the bloody shirt off Nephrite's back. He sucked in a painful hiss as he removed the garment, "Did she at least give you some warning?"

"No, it happened fast." Nephrite explained, "Probably less than a minute. She just… snapped."

"I can't resist mentioning this, Nephrite, and I'm not trying to joke." Zoisite said seriously, "But I distinctly remember you saying after you first met her that you could deal with a little S&M and, I quote, that she could _"fucking bite me"."_

"She _did _bite me." Nephrite replied and motioned to two parallel wounds on his lower lip. It would be swollen by the morning making it look even more like Nephrite was involved in as schoolyard tussle.

"What the hell is wrong with her?" Zoisite asked as he ducked into the bathroom to retrieve something.

"I don't know." His wounded companion admitted, "I knew she was a little different, but I wasn't expecting this." He rolled his aching neck around, "I wasn't expecting an animal."

"This is going to sting." Zoisite prepared him as he reappeared with a bottle of hydrogen peroxide. He poured the liquid onto Nephrite's back and it erupted in a hiss like pouring water on the hot grill at their restaurant. Nephrite went stiff and slammed his fist on the table repeatedly. He was sure he was going to wake up Kunzite and Jadeite, but mercifully they remained asleep.

"God _damn_ it!" he cursed as softly as he could, which was not at all.

"Some of these are pretty deep." Zoisite commented as he ran a soft towel across Nephrite's scarred back, "She must be strong."

"Deceptively." Nephrite grunted against the pain. Zoisite tilted the bottle of peroxide and wet the end of the towel.

"Here, hold this." He ordered and handed the bottle to Nephrite. He then continued sterilizing the wounds.

"I'm surprised, Zoisite." Nephrite said hissing every time the towel touched him, "You should be having a fucking field day. You'll be able to hold this over me for months if not years."

"Well, that's the difference between us, Nephrite." The elder king's caregiver answered, "You'd seize this opportunity to joke and belittle me; I just let it drift by." Zoisite's expression softened, "To be perfectly honest, if our places were reversed I don't think you would even have the heart to joke about it."

"Maybe." Nephrite agreed. Zoisite snatched the bottle of peroxide away from him and wet the towel again before replacing the cap.

"Did you see the _senshi_ at the restaurant yesterday?" Zoisite asked as he continued.

"What?" Nephrite asked over his shoulder, "What are you talking about?"

"I guess you were too busy behind the bar." Zoisite remembered, "Kunzite noticed it first. All five of them were there yesterday at the same time."

"Really?" Nephrite wondered aloud.

"She's one of them." Zoisite said softly, almost not wanting to say it at all.

"I know." Nephrite answered unimpressed.

"I had this talk with Jadeite today." Zoisite spoke as gently as he could, "I thought we agreed—"

"Zoisite, not now, okay?" Nephrite demanded.

The younger king sighed and spoke, "Nothing good is going to come of this."

"I can fucking see _and_ feel that." Nephrite noted as Zoisite pressed his peroxide-soaked towel against another puncture on his back.

A pregnant silence passed between them as Zoisite continued his work, concentrating now on the nail marks left in the elder Shitennou's neck, dangerously close to his juglar.

"Can we talk about it later?" Zoisite asked carefully.

"What?" Nephrite grunted.

"What we decided about the _senshi_." Zoisite clarified.

"For fuck's sake…" Nephrite swore, "Yeah, whatever. Later."

"I'm just looking out for you." Zoisite promised him.

"Uh-huh." Nephrite trailed off. Zoisite tossed the wet, bloody towel straight into the garbage can, "You done?"

"Yeah, you should probably take a shower." Zoisite suggested, "A cold one, I think."

"Very funny." Nephrite replied dryly and walked towards the bathroom. He stopped in the doorway and turned around slowly, "Zoisite?"

"You don't have to say it."

"I'll say what the fuck I please." Nephrite replied in fine normal voice, "Thanks."

"You'd do the same for me." The younger Shitennou replied with a smile.

Nephrite nodded and then pointed at him firmly, "Don't let it go to your head."

* * *

The next morning found the Four Kings together at their place of business. Nephrite was moving a bit awkwardly and more than once looked to be in pain, but true to form none of the Shitennou showed any outward sign of concern. Zoisite already knew what was ailing him and Jadeite was far too distracted with starry-eyed thoughts of Ares' new caretaker. That and he was cleaning the grease trap on the deep fryer, which was as close as you could get in the Four Kings to a stint in the gulag. Kunzite was simply too busy to be bothered with anyone else's welfare. Nephrite could walk and pour beer; that's all he really needed from him.

"Son of a bitch." The eldest Shitennou cursed from the back office. The rest of them heard metallic noises and grunting, "Fuck!"

"He jammed the stapler again." Jadeite said with a chuckle.

"Anyone notice Kunzite cursing a lot more lately?" Zoisite asked as he ignited the grill and started prepping eggs for the inevitable breakfast influx.

"It's a really shitty stapler." Jadeite admitted, "I don't blame him."

"I doubt it's the stapler's fault." Zoisite dismissed him.

"He should invest in a red Swingline." Jadeite suggested, "You know, like from _Office Space_?"

"Yeah, we need more office space." Zoisite mused as he cracked another egg.

"No, _Office Space_ the movie." Jadeite repeated, "You've seen it, haven't you?"

"Nothing is coming to mind." Zoisite answered hurriedly as he began moving things around on the grill with his spatula.

"Are you serious?" Jadeite gasped, "Where the hell were you in the 90's?"

"This may come as a shock, but not everyone enjoys the same shit you do, Jed." Zoisite reminded the younger king.

"This was a genre-bending movie, though." Jadeite defended, "Seriously? PC load letter and TPS reports? You don't get any of that?"

"Nope." Zoisite smacked his lips on that word and continued working.

"You people, I don't know." Jadeite sighed and finished up with the deep fryer, "Bunch of Philistines."

Kunzite emerged from the office a moment later holding a crumpled mess of paper in his hands. He was wearing his glasses which he rarely ever wore outside of the privacy of his own bedroom.

"What's up, professor?" Jadeite quipped immediately.

Kunzite ignored the jab and pointed at the spreadsheet he carried, "Our bread vendor is hiking its prices again." He glowered down at the page, "That's twice this month."

"That's what you get in a recession." Jadeite answered easily.

"If it goes up another few cents we're either seriously going to have to cut back other expenditures or we have to start changing prices to compensate." Kunzite groaned heavily and dragged his palm across his face, "Or we have to find a new vendor."

"What's the problem?" Nephrite asked as he joined the rest of the crew near the divider.

"Bread is getting too expensive." Zoisite quickly filled him in.

"Why don't we just make our own?" Jadeite suggested and suddenly all eyes were on him, "I mean, like, from scratch? Cut out the middle man."

"Are you volunteering?" Kunzite asked dismissively. He shook his head and stated, "That would be a whole business in and of itself. One of us would have to basically be on bread duty 24/7."

"Well now wait a minute, let's not just gloss over this." Nephrite refocused the conversation on Jadeite's suggestion, "I mean, how difficult could it be? What the fuck is bread? Flour, water and yeast, right? We could at least experiment a bit, couldn't we?"

"We'd have to come up with a standardized system." Zoisite added, "And bread is simple to make, but it's easy to screw up.

The wounds on Nephrite's back suddenly issued a burst of pain through his body. He winced against it as he remembered Lita's words from their ill-fated date the night before:

_"Bread. Like, really fucking good bread. It's one of the simplest things in the world to make, but it's really easy to screw up. Good bread is awesome."_

"Lita." He blurted out painfully.

"What?" Zoisite spoke up first and a look of concern washed over him.

"I bet she could help us." Nephrite said slowly and tried to find some random object in the room to focus his fluttering eyes on.

"You mean our Health Inspector?" Kunzite snorted, "What does she know about making bread?"

"Einstein was a patent clerk." Nephrite offered his rebuttal, "What does he know about relativity?"

"Speaking of Lita, how did your date go?" Jadeite asked innocently. Nephrite's eyes practically put two holes through him. Kunzite scowled as well.

"Can that maybe wait until after work?" Kunzite suggested. Nephrite kept his mouth shut.

"Jeez, sorry!" Jadeite replied, grabbed a towel, and went off to clean something that most likely didn't need cleaning.

"Are you okay?" Zoisite asked compassionately to the eldest of the four, "You seem a bit high strung today."

"I'm fine." He assured his colleagues brusquely.

"Expensive bread and a complete lack of female company." Nephrite surmised, "You gave Usagi the day off, right?"

"Usagi?" Zoisite asked puzzled, "What does that mean?"

"Nothing." Kunzite barked, "Go open the place up."

"Wait, wait…" Zoisite stalled as Kunzite started walking away, "Do you mean…"

"He's becoming infatuated with her." Nephrite offered gleefully, "Haven't you noticed?"

"You are?" Zoisite screeched ear-bleedingly loud.

"I'm not!" the white-haired King returned.

"He is?" Zoisite squeaked again, this time in Nephrite's direction.

"He might be." Nephrite replied in a softer voice so Kunzite couldn't hear, "What do you suppose that means?"

"I don't know…" Zoisite let his mind wander, "A lot of weird shit has been happening lately."

"Tell me about it." Nephrite answered and the two enjoyed a quiet, private joke.

The Four Kings had a fine day after the doors were opened to the breakfast crowd. With Usagi having the day off it was just like old times. The Shitennou argued loudly with each other in the kitchen, tripped over each other in the dining room and generally ended up getting on each other's nerves as much as they did during the first month that the Bar & Grill was open. As usual, the dinner crowd was when things really picked up.

"Kunzite, we're running really low on vegetable oil." Zoisite said as he stood at the grill flipping a skillet full of sautéing vegetables.

"How low is low?" Kunzite asked back from his own duties chopping up a green pepper.

"Like I'll be lucky if I can cover the next few orders low." Zoisite said nervously.

"God damn it." The elder King cursed and ripped the apron off, "I guess I'm running to the store."

"I'm sorry; I thought there was another big jug of it on the shelf." Zoisite apologized meekly.

Kunzite grunted for an answer and grabbed his keys off the desk in the small office. He walked out through the bar towards the front doors flashing Nephrite and Jadeite a glance as he left to just for the sake of doing it. Nephrite was keeping to himself behind the bar as he usually did. Jadeite was scuttling back and forth around the floor taking orders and keeping beverages topped of. It would be a bit tight for a few minutes until he got back…

He opened the door and nearly collided with their Health Inspector.

"Oh, Miss Tanner, I'm sorry." He apologized to her, "Didn't see you there."

Nephrite's spine stiffened and every nail mark and bruise on his body screamed out in pain. Kunzite stepped aside after exchanging pleasantries and Lita approached the bar. His hand had stopped wiping the glass he was cleaning on its own accord. She was back to dressing in her standard, provocative business wear. She didn't make eye contact. Nephrite took it as a good sign.

"Manhattan?" he offered in a subdued, distant voice.

"No." she replied and finally looked at him, "Nephrite, I—"

"It's alright." He answered quickly, "Please, you don't have to get into it here."

"I owe you an explanation." She said as firmly as she could, but her voice was shaking.

"Lita, why don't you hold onto that explanation for a bit?" Nephrite suggested uneasily, "I think it might be best if we both lived in ignorance for a while."

A huge groan from a table of college students coursed through the restaurant. On one of the televisions he saw the Eagles score again over the Cowboys. The distraction was welcome. He shuffled off to a far corner of the bar and started stacking glasses on a shelf. When he turned around he found that Lita had moved with him. She was now standing in the dark corner behind him looking completely forlorn.

"I'm sorry." She apologized softly.

"I told you it's alright." Nephrite returned as he continued his work, "Don't worry about it."

"You're bleeding." She said and pointed to Nephrite's shirt. Sure enough when he turned around to check himself in the mirror that lined the back of the bar he saw half a dozen dark stains on his blue button-down and he sighed heavily.

"I have to go change." He grumbled and tried to walk away.

"Wait!" she called loudly. Some of the patrons at the bar jerked their heads in her direction. Nephrite shuffled over and put himself between them and the nervous Health Inspector.

"Lita. Honestly." Nephrite bent down to speak directly to her face, "I think it's best if you just leave tonight. Okay?"

"Come to my house tonight." She blurted out. Nephrite laughed openly. "I'm serious. I don't care what time. I'll be awake. Just please, I need to talk to you."

"I don't think that's a very good idea." Nephrite told her and turned away. _God damn Zoisite for being right for a change…_

"Nephrite, please!" she begged him. Tears threatened her vision.

Nephrite turned around and despite his pain and trepidation something within him was giving away. Lita looked so completely helpless and vulnerable that he actually found himself longing for the acerbic, sarcastic and violent woman that he had come to know. He found himself longing for the legendary strength of the _senshi_ den mother.

"Fine." He relented, "But it's not going to be until sometime after 2AM."

"That's fine, don't worry about the time." Lita told him, "Thank you."

With that she walked away and disappeared out the front doors of the restaurant again. _Thank you._ Nephrite rolled the thought around in his head. What could she possibly have to thank him for? Was she thanking him for being the outlet for her sexual ferocity?

"Hey, man." A bearded, slurring drunkard at his bar grunted, "That's some nice work right there."

"What?" Nephrite asked, too distracted by his exchange to understand the drunk's words.

"That cute little brunette you were talkin' to?" he droned, "She's a _fine_ piece of ass." He downed the remaining contents of his glass, "Can I get another?"

Nephrite's blood ran hot. He snatched the glass away from the idiot drunk and refilled it from the tap of cheap lager. He slammed it down in front of him and the man reached out for it. Nephrite's hand was still on the glass holding it in place. The drunk tried to pull it away, but he might as well have been trying to pull the sword from the stone. Nephrite's iron grip shifted and he grabbed the drunk's wrist. He almost yelped out in pain, but Nephrite's other hand shot forward and covered his mouth. He pulled the man's face painfully close to his own.

"You show respect in my bar, got it?" Nephrite demanded and the frightened man nodded behind his steel grasp, "And if you ever refer to a woman as a piece of ass again I'll be sweeping pieces of _your_ ass up off my floor."

He shoved the man back in his seat and he immediately started rubbing his bruised wrist. Nephrite smirked and went back to work behind the bar feeling proud of himself. In truth he was simply trying to keep his mind off the conflict. Another late-night run-in with Lita? His back started to hurt again and he excused himself to the back room to change his shirt. At least he wouldn't be wearing another twelve hundred dollar suit tonight for her to destroy…

* * *

Kunzite was standing in the checkout line at the supermarket with a cart full of bottles of vegetable oil. As his eternally poor luck dictated they were completely sold out of the large bulk-sized jugs of oil so he settled for over a dozen smaller household-sized bottles. They rolled around bouncing off one another in the cart and for some unknown cosmic reason it made Kunzite feel even more aggravated. All around him people were taking and chatting about nothing at all. He despised small talk and idle chatter and after so many centuries he had become quite adept at tuning everything out except his own thoughts. Had he began his mental exercise any sooner he wouldn't have heard a familiar voice in the lane next to him.

"No, I'm pretty sure you're thinking of _Arrested Development_." A bright, cheerful female voice said into her cell phone, "As far as I know nobody from Seinfeld has ever been on _Grey's Anatomy_." She checked her nails as listened, "I dunno, go check IMDB or something." Another pause, "That's fine, just don't screw up my stuff on the DVR, I have it set to record _Chuck_." Another pause, "Alright, I'll be home soon, love. Bye."

Kunzite had already dragged his cart into the other lane, cut in front of other shoppers whose protests were cut short by his icy scowl, and positioned himself directly behind the bubbly blonde.

"Hello again." He greeted from behind her.

Mina whirled around in surprise and gasped, "Oh! Hey!" she slapped him playfully on the arm, "What, did you just appear out of thin air?"

"We ran out of cooking oil at the Four Kings." Kunzite admitted and glanced down at his cart, "Can you tell?"

"That sucks." She assumed, "I had a cheesesteak the other night. It was pretty damn good considering we're nowhere near Philadelphia."

"Never been there." Kunzite admitted, "I just took a wild guess." She laughed at his honesty and Kunzite leaned in closer to whisper, "Mind if I ask you something?"

"Not at all." She cooed back expectantly. Her brain was already thinking about twenty steps ahead. She was currently stalled at what he might buy her for their tenth anniversary.

"You're friends with Usagi, right?" Kunzite asked and Mina's train of thought screeched to a halt and derailed. She shook her head positively, "Does she ever talk about me?"

"You?" she gulped and a vicious smile suddenly appeared on her lips, "I don't know, why?"

"I just get the feeling she's, I don't know…" Kunzite told her and thought back to how Nephrite described the young blonde's reaction to the elder king, "I get the feeling she's put off by me sometimes."

"To be honest, she thinks you're creepy." Mina told Kunzite bluntly. The Shitennou blinked several times without offering another thought. "It's okay, though. Usagi is a bit weird herself."

"Creepy?" Kunzite thought aloud. Nephrite had used that word, too. Frequently, now that he thought about it.

"Trust me; I've known this girl long enough to know what makes her tick." Mina assured him, "I can tell you that she responds best when you're direct with her. Don't beat around the bush or try to sugar-coat anything; just be direct."

"Direct, huh?" Kunzite rolled the suggestion around in his head.

"And she likes rabbits." Mina tacked on for good measure.

"What, you mean like rabbit stew?" Kunzite asked.

"What? No!" Mina shouted calling unnecessary attention to herself, "Like little, white, furry, hopping-around bunny rabbits!

"Oh." Kunzite replied and his scrunched his brow, "Why does that matter?"

"Jee-zus!" Mina dragged out the word for emphasis, "I think you should just quit while you're behind."

"What do you mean?" Kunzite asked, completely lost by this point.

"She's got the hots for that Mamoru guy, anyway." Mina said ignoring Kunzite's question, "He's about as interesting as a beanstalk to me, but hey, if you want to go after her be my guest. Just seriously, get it together first. She's going to whine to me about it and I _know_ where to find you."

She blew him a playful kiss which he barely registered. With that she unloaded her basket onto the conveyer belt and checked out her groceries. Kunzite was still at a loss. Pieces started to fall together; he swallowed hard. Mina was already on her way out of the grocery store and he didn't want to look like some kind of spastic stalker to chase her down and correct her.

"Why does everyone think I'm attracted to Usagi?" he wondered to himself.

Kunzite's face fell. If everyone was assuming the same thing then it wasn't some random coincidence. Either everyone was making the same exact mistake or…

"Paper or plastic, sir?" the cashier asked as he approached the register.

"Shit." He replied.

He received an awkward glance from the cashier and a stern eye from the manager for his troubles.

* * *

As he promised Nephrite arrived at Lita's house late that night after the Four Kings had closed. It was almost 3AM when he arrived, but she was still wide-eyed and awake when she opened the door for him. There was a dent in the drywall where he had forced her away during their carnal sparring match the night before. If any of his blood made it to her walls or the floor she had already cleaned it up. She led him into the sparse living room and he sat down on the edge of the couch. She pulled a chair to the opposite side of the coffee table.

"Can I get you anything?" She asked politely, "Water? Coffee?"

"No, thank you."

"Bourbon?" She winked at him.

"Lita, I don't think that would be appropriate." Nephrite answered softly.

"No." She answered and trailed off, "I guess not."

Nephrite didn't want the night to dive into awkward silence already so he just posed the question straight away: "You said you wanted to explain what happened last night?"

"I guess so." She sighed heavily and looked quite nervous, "I owe you that much."

Nephrite had his elbows resting on his knees with his hands steepled in front of him. He wasn't going to ask again, that much was obvious. Lita adjusted her cuffs and slid forward in her chair with a heavy sigh.

"I told you my parents died when I was five." Lita reminded her guest.

"Is that why?" Nephrite asked, wondering if such a simple explanation would explain her erratic behavior.

"No, not hardly." She replied and looked away, "I… I've never told this to anyone. All the psychiatrists and counselors and police said I shouldn't dwell on it… so of course that's all I did."

"You can tell me." Nephrite assured her. He could relate to this. He had his own share of mental anguish over the centuries, after all. Betrayal, murder, black magic… if anything Lita's domestic issues would pale in comparison

"When they died I went to live with my uncle, my father's brother." She explained, "He's why I am the way I am."

Nephrite swallowed hard. A red haze threatened his vision; white noise in his head was screaming for vengeance already, "What did he do to you?"

"That's the funny, twisted, stupid-ass, ironic part of the whole thing." She said with a positively feral smile, "He never actually _did_ anything to me."

"I only lived with him for a few years until he was caught." She went on to say, "He was actually rather good to me, and very kind, compassionate… he reminded me so much of my father in that way."

She continued: "One night just a few weeks after I started living with him he came into my room and told me that once in a while he would have a friend over the house and that I shouldn't be scared of what I heard and that it was perfectly natural for grown-ups to… do what they did."

"I was five years old; I didn't think anything of it. I was young enough not to know what the fuck was happening and still at that impressionable age when anything and everything gets recorded into your DNA. Sure enough one night he brought a woman back to his house, we lived out in the country, and I heard him start fucking her in his room and then…" Lita's face began to lose its color, "… he would start screaming at her. _'Coward!'_ and _'Worthless sack of meat!'_ and just… awful things. My uncle called it _animal passion_ and said when he loved someone very much a different part of himself took over."

"Lita…" Nephrite said breathlessly, "I don't know what…"

"It doesn't end there." She interrupted him. Her eyes clenched tight and she shivered as she breathed, "That happened probably a dozen times over the span of three years. Each time it was a different woman. Sometimes I would peek out the keyhole of my bedroom door when he thought I wasn't looking and I would catch glimpses of them; they were always tall, curvaceous brunettes with green eyes." She fought the urge to look at her own reflection in a nearby mirror, "Just like my mother." She was now using all her effort to fight back tears, "I would… watch him… do what he did. I _saw_ it. I think, maybe, he knew, but… he never said anything."

"I didn't put all the pieces together until I was much older." Lita admitted, "One night the cops showed up; a lot of them, with the SWAT and FBI, too. My uncle brought a woman home; this time she was wearing a wire. He tried to escape and they shot him six times. When they searched his house, among other things, they found a scrapbook with twenty three different locks of brown hair next to photos and newspaper clippings. One of them belonged to my mother." She looked up at Nephrite with her eyes showing cold indifference, "He was a serial killer."

Nephrite couldn't speak. If he tried, no words came out. He really had nothing he could say in this situation. A breeze would have blown him over where he stood; he expected to hear of some sort of childhood trauma, but nothing like this. He wanted to act somehow, to comfort or console her, but it seemed she was beyond that.

"I had to give testimony and everything… an eight year old in court describing those kinds of things." She said with a rueful smirk, "That's when they made the discovery that he wasn't actually my uncle. He was an old friend of the family that claimed he was related to us when my parents _went missing_. He had fake ID's, a forged birth certificate, the works… everything to prove that he really was my father's brother. One of the genius fucking prosecutors said that he was probably keeping me around until I grew up some more so that he could do the same thing to me. Let me tell you, that's what I needed to hear." Her eyebrows became like spikes and pointed straight to the ground, "When I was old enough to understand everything all I could think about was revenge."

"Revenge?" Nephrite asked even though he didn't need to.

"All I could think about was how I wanted to find him; get my hands on him and make him suffer the way—" her voice cracked, "The way he made my mother suffer; her and all the other women. But... but, I—" she was on the edge of a full-on breakdown now, "I couldn't! Thanks to the cops that shot him dead when he tried to run, I couldn't do anything! I just buried all that hatred and need inside with everything else. It made me… violent." She laughed insipidly at herself, "I got kicked out of every school they tried to put me in. I got into fights; I was belligerent with everyone. It wasn't until I was eleven or twelve that they dropped me in some state-sponsored psychiatric care facility. They dosed me up to the eyeballs on psychoactive drugs and force-fed me calming media like a family-friendly version of _A Clockwork Orange_. I faked my way through most of it just so I could get out of that place." She swallowed hard, "I've been faking it all my life."

"What happened to your father?" Nephrite asked when he realized it was the only part of Lita's story that didn't have a firm conclusion.

"That's the real bastard of the whole situation." She told him, "When I went to live with that man, my 'uncle' he just kept saying _"Your parents are gone"_ but the police never found any trace of my father. He certainly didn't fit his M.O. considering he was male. I don't know what happened to him…" she looked completely sullen, "He just disappeared."

"Did you ever try to look for him yourself?" Nephrite asked.

"I gave a half-hearted attempt once after I graduated high school." She admitted almost with a smile, "I gave up. I could barely read the screen of the microfilm machine through all the tears. I'm pretty sure I was banned from every library in the county."

She looked down at the floor again, "Ever since then I haven't been able to be… intimate … with anyone. I can suppress it for a while, but eventually… every man just becomes _him_. I hear him breathing in the hard, heavy way that he did; I remember the things he said; I always think _"That would have been me one day… "_ I don't know why I lose myself the way I do. If anything I should curl up into a ball and cry my eyes out, right?"

"I don't know." Nephrite answered honestly.

"Well, whatever." She said somewhat finally and tried to find an object to occupy her eyes which wouldn't make contact with his, "It's all in the past. I've got some pretty stiff drugs to keep me leveled out; I just have to deal with this knowing I'll probably never really be close to someone for the rest of my life."

"You're giving up?" Nephrite blurted out.

"I gave up when I was eight." She answered with a sneer, "I didn't really have a choice in the matter."

"I can understand if you're afraid." Nephrite told her as soothingly as he could.

"Can you?" she snapped, "Do you know what it's like to live in the same house as a serial killer? Someone who raped and murdered your mother and twenty other women, beat them, strangled them, weighted their bodies down and dumped them like roadkill into a swamp along the edge of the interstate?"

"I know what it's like to feel helpless." Nephrite explained, "And guilty."

"Guilty?" she scoffed, "What do I—"

"Survivor's guilt." He cut her off, "You said it yourself: he might have done the same thing to you." Her eyes jerked in their sockets. "I've been there. I know what it's like to lose someone when you thought you could have stopped it."

"I _could have_ stopped it." She stood firm, "One phone call is all it would have taken. Nine-one-one. I probably could have saved a dozen of those women."

"You were a child." Nephrite reminded her forcefully, "No one blames you."

"I don't fucking care about blame!" she screamed at him. Tears flew freely now, "I should have been stronger! I should have had parents! I should have had someone to raise me right, to teach me not to be afraid and…" she choked up, "I just… shouldn't have even fucking been born. What fucking good is such a broken life?"

"I don't think you believe that." Nephrite answered as soon as she finished her tirade.

"Trust me, I do." She replied indignantly.

"If that were true then you wouldn't be talking to me." Nephrite told her, "You wouldn't have kept coming to my bar and you wouldn't have gone to dinner with me last night." He leaned back and crossed his arms, "You're hoping that someone is going to stand by you and finally help you get through this pain."

"So you think this is about you?" Lita scoffed at him, "Are you _trying_ to fucking piss me off?"

"You aren't in the middle of redecorating your house, are you? You're moving out." Nephrite accused her. Lita suddenly felt an electric jolt shoot through her. She hadn't made any indication or given any sign that that was her plan; Nephrite figured it out on his own. "You were planning on running away."

"And what if I am?" she tried to turn it around on him. Unsuccessfully.

"Then _you're_ the coward." He declared harshly, "You can dress it up with all the foul language and indignation that you want, but you know I'm right." Nephrite leered in at her, "Deep down inside you and you might not know it, part of you is sick of running."

"What are you, some kind of soothsayer?" Lita brushed him off and looked at the floor.

"No, I'm someone like you." Nephrite told her, "I'm someone who had to deal with a tragedy that I might have been able to avoid. What happened changed me, just like you, and I ran from it for a long time." He tilted her chin up to meet her gaze, "Just like you."

"It doesn't matter." She remained steadfast in her denial.

"You told me that you thought I was pure." Nephrite continued, "I don't know where you saw that in me, Lita. My soul is more fractured and stained than yours could ever be. You only _saw_ something terrible; I've _done_ terrible things in my life."

He explained: "I stood by and did nothing while the one man who put his whole trust in me to protect him needlessly threw his life away."

"What, were you in the army or something?" Lita asked him.

"Yes." Nephrite replied evenly, "I guess you could say that."

"So what happened?" she asked expecting a solid answer.

"I can't tell you details." Nephrite admitted, skirting the lie as best he could.

"Let me guess: some sort of secret, special forces bullshit? Black helicopters and everything?" She asked somewhat dismissively, "Some kind of behind-enemy-lines nonsense?"

"Something like that." Nephrite answered marveling at how perceptive this young woman was. Obviously he couldn't tell her the truth. There was no outward sign that any of the _senshi_ recalled their shared histories and he wasn't about to open that can of worms.

"Yeah, well despite your army psych-ops, I know what I want." Lita replied keeping up her impenetrable armor, "And I don't want to be here anymore. It's time to move on."

"This isn't going to get any better no matter where you go." Nephrite told her, "I traveled halfway around the world while I was running from my pain. You can never shake it just by running."

"Maybe all I need to do is stay a few steps ahead." Lita suggested.

"That's no way to live your life." Nephrite tried to convince her.

"Maybe that's how I _want _to live my life!" She positively thundered back at him, "Who are you to tell me where I should go or how I should live? What gives you the right?"

"You need to face this." Nephrite stood firm and didn't let her flaring anger distract him, "You need closure."

"My closure died with six bullets in his back." Lita reminded him the fate of her so-called uncle, "There's nothing I can do now, don't you get it?"

"You can find out what happened to your father." Nephrite said calmly, "You can stop blaming yourself for something you couldn't change when you were five years old and you can finally put this all behind you!"

"Find my father?" Lita chuckled, "Are you serious?"

"Yes." Nephrite assured her solidly, "I am."

"You really are serious, aren't you?" she asked completely shocked by his stubbornness, "Why do you even care?"

"Because like you once told me, I'm the only person you ever met who came back for more." Nephrite reminded her with an easy smile, "I was intrigued by you when we met. I saw something in you other than the cursing, drinking, and the bizarre way you acted. I didn't know what it was then, but I do now."

"What's that?" she asked dismissively.

"The _real_ you." Nephrite told her simply, "I pursued you because I was looking for this: the genuine woman behind the curtain. If I knew from the start what had happened I would have approached you differently, but this is the hand fate dealt us. We've got to play it. Our cards probably suck, but god damn it Lita, you can't win if you don't play the odds sometimes."

"Us?" she asked picking upon Nephrite's pronouns.

"I want to help you." He stood firm in his commitment, "When I was fucked up, alone and running there was no one to help me. I went through a lot more shit than you can ever imagine before I finally fell in with the other guys at the Four Kings. They were the ones who finally brought me back down to Earth, but I was lost for years." Nephrite felt a strange sense of familiarity with the situation, "I won't let you go through the same thing; not if I can help it and certainly not alone."

"I don't need help, Nephrite." Lita tried to stall him, but her resolve was faltering.

"You're tough, I know you are." Nephrite commended her warmly, "But even the toughest people need someone in their corner now and then."

"God damn it, don't you get it?" she screeched at him, "I've never _had_ someone in my corner. I don't even know what I'm supposed to say to something like that that!"

There were tears in her eyes again. Nephrite approached cautiously, laid his hands on her shoulders, and pulled her close to him, "A good thing to start with is always _ "Yes"._" Nephrite said, "Once you get past that, it's all coasting downhill."

She couldn't hold it anymore. Her arms grabbed him tightly and would not let go even for the apocalypse. She broke down completely. Nephrite thought it was probably the first time she truly cried tears other than confused anger and directionless rage. He stroked a hand through her chestnut curls and simply held her until the sun came up. As she drifted off to sleep Lita pondered that this was all she ever really needed. She was strong and independent, but just like Nephrite said even the toughest need someone in their corner sometimes. She embraced him so hard she was sure that he was starting to lose circulation in his legs, but she didn't let up. There was no way she was letting this feeling go. For the first time since she had lost her parents Lita felt something other than anger and fear.

She felt _safe_.


	20. Baby, It's Cold Outside

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Baby, It's Cold Outside

"This is such bullshit." Jadeite complained and hefted another heavy shovel full of dense, wet, white snow over his shoulder, "Wasn't it just autumn, like, yesterday?"

"We got lucky this year." Zoisite commented from where he stood leaning against his shovel, not contributing much to the overall snow-clearing effort, "Usually we get our first snow a couple days before Halloween."

"Yeah, well we could have been a whole lot more lucky." Jadeite grumbled and dug his shovel into the white fluff again, "This is what my personal hell is going to be like."

"Oh yes, yes! Keep it up; your tears sustain me!" Nephrite hollered at the two blonde Shitennou as he powerfully cut a path through the icy turf towards their Jeep.

"I'm serious." Jadeite reinforced his position, "There aren't many things in this world that I truly hate, but I fucking _hate_ shoveling snow."

"Yeah, I hear you." Zoisite threw his lot in with Jadeite.

"I've done twice your work combined, you see me bitching about it? NO!" Nephrite countered in his usual gruff way, "God damn it, I swear you two could whine the tread off a whitewall tire."

"Hey, don't lump me in with him!" Jadeite argued and gestured towards Zoisite, "I haven't seen him move one shovel full yet!"

"Wow, way to have my back, Jed!" Zoisite grumbled and angrily started shoveling the area in front of him albeit with less an inspiring enthusiasm.

"You're both too plugged-in, that's the problem." Nephrite waxed philosophical as he continued digging like a winter-bound John Henry, "Sitting up there all day with your Bookfaces and your Twitters. You gotta get out! You gotta get back in touch with nature!" Nephrite puffed his chest out and his flannel jacket expanded with him as he took in a deep arctic breath, "Hoo-_WHEE!_ That's fuckin' _BRISK!_"

"Nephrite, you consistently confirm my belief that we were brought back in the wrong century." Jadeite chuckled and chucked snow, "You would have made a fantastic lumberjack."

"I've always liked the cold." Nephrite reminded his companions, "Really gets the blood moving; lets you know you're alive!"

"Yes, the risk of hypothermia and frostbite really teaches you to cherish the years you have left." Zoisite whined and pitifully scraped his shovel across a drift.

"You know why Nephrite loves the cold so much, don't you Zoi?" Jadeite asked knowingly.

"Because he's an inhuman monster?" Zoisite offered his reply, "Like the Abominable Snowman in the old _Rudolph_ claymation movie?"

"Actually, I tend to identify more with Yukon Cornelius." Nephrite interjected his thoughts, "And that's not the reason, you petulant little fuckwad."

"Yeah, well I'm sticking by it." Zoisite argued and stuck his tongue out. He regretted it immediately as his lips almost immediately chapped from the cold.

"I enjoy the cold because the only thing better than a deep-bone chill and a good session of shoveling is warming yourself up with a few shots of Wild Turkey and knocking back a pot of strong, black coffee." Nephrite announced and looked practically feverish with excitement, "No god damn question about it."

"Nephrite, it's six-thirty in the morning." Zoisite informed.

"Hell of a way to start a day." The flannel-decked Shitennou announced happily and continued shoveling his way towards their snowbound vehicle, "If that doesn't put hair on your chest nothing will."

"Ugh." Zoisite grunted and reactively patted the front of his thick winter coat.

"I don't think he meant you, Zoisite." Jadeite laughed at the younger king.

"I don't need extra hair anywhere on my body." Zoisite replied and poked his shovel uselessly, "Seriously, is there anyone that thinks having hair anywhere besides your head is attractive?"

"Oh, well it kind of depends on the whole package." Jadeite said and balanced his shovel on the inside of one arm. He made a parallel, downward motion with his hands toward his crotch as he spoke, "Sometimes I like a little landing strip down there."

"I'm not talking about women, dumbass." Zoisite droned and rolled his eyes.

"Glad you brought this topic up, Zoi." Nephrite stated and picked up a large shovel full of snow, "Remember that time you did that at-home wax job on yourself and tossed the wax strips down the toilet and clogged the pipes for a week?"

"Yeah, what about it?" Zoisite asked back.

Nephrite swung his shovel at the copper-tressed King and the heavy load of snow sailed though the air and hit him like a sandbag. It pushed him back against the house, very nearly knocking the wind out of him. When he regained his footing he patted clumps of snow off his jacket and cap and away from his frozen, reddened face while coughing and sputtering.

"You asshole!" Zoisite hacked through his ragged breaths.

"My hand slipped."

Jadeite laughed at the situation and even the pride-wounded Zoisite offered a slight grin though he was furious and still generously displeased with the prospect of forcing a path to the mailbox through thirteen inches of compacted ice fluff. He had learned to read weather patterns fairly well since the Shitennou began living together and each year seemed to prove his theory correct: the span of time between late October and mid March could accurately be labeled "Blizzard Season." There was no such thing as "flurries" or "dustings" of snow in this city. No, what Zoisite was forced to deal with ranked more on the level of "epochal meteorological events" and "ice ages."

Usually when winter finally crashed down with its cold, gray bleakness the only thing that saw Zoisite through it all (aside from spending as much time indoors as possible) was the promise of all the holidays that he loved. For someone who had never actually had a childhood Zoisite never really grew up. Christmas was his absolute most favorite time of year and it wasn't because of the prospect of receiving gifts. Zoisite was genuinely heartened by the holidays; one of his favorite activities during late November all the way up to Christmas eve was to hang out at the mall and watch shoppers stress over their perfect gifts, children lining up to sit on Santa's lap, and families spending time together. He found it moving and magical. During the holidays even the Shitennou settled down and weren't at each other's throats quite so much, but no one had holiday spirit like Zoisite.

Unfortunately, however warm and fuzzy the holidays made him feel it was a double-edged sword. Zoisite's emotions ran precariously close to the surface and the slightest negative stimulus could send him spiraling into depression around the holidays. One year it was because he saw a dead deer on the side of the road and he fashioned an elaborate scene in his head where that deer, the one that was supposed to appear in someone's back yard on a white Christmas morning and perfect a family's idyllic holiday with a young child shouting "Look, Mom and Dad, it's Rudolph!" now wouldn't have the chance to show up. He secretly whimpered on and off about it for a day and was depressed for nearly a week. Nephrite ruthlessly teased him, Jadeite chuckled, and Kunzite was as austere as ever.

Of course, that happened in the few years that they were together before Mamoru re-entered their lives. With their Master back under their protection providing a focus for their excess energy Zoisite regained considerable emotional control, albeit not enough to temper his soft-heartedness for holiday cheer (or his general lackadaisical nature). Such things as dead deer or a broken Christmas tree ornament wouldn't set him off into a week of depressing lethargy, but the problems of the world at large would still affect him. He hated reading newspapers during the holidays and having to endure stories of poverty, disease and war across the world and even issues of scandal and domestic violence at home. Once something like that worked its way through all the holly and jolly the youngest Shitennou built up around Christmastime it didn't leave and he would often question why he allowed himself to feel happy at all when there was so much _wrong_ with the world. It was starting early this year and it wasn't the newspaper's fault. There was plenty wrong in his own backyard.

He hadn't heard from Rei in weeks and therefore hadn't had any contact with Ares and the disembodied soul of Endymion. He also hadn't heard from Mamoru since the day he appeared in the Bar & Grill with Rei to foil the Shitennou's plans. Zoisite clutched his shovel harder at the thought of that meeting and started flinging snow around with much more vigor. Mamoru, his Master, the man he respected, protected and loved like a brother for centuries, was now a deceitful bastard of a thorn in his side. Almost predictably the angry thoughts about his erstwhile liege signaled the appearance of the Shitennou's most loyal member.

"You guys almost done?" Kunzite shouted from the top of the porch, "I've got to get going here in like ten minutes."

"This would go a lot faster if you helped us." Jadeite quipped as he shoveled his way to the road.

"I told you guys: I have a meeting this morning down at city hall with the zoning board to go over the new property tax code." Kunzite reminded his cohorts, "Then I have to stop by the accountant's office, the print shop, and the notary this afternoon before the Chamber of Commerce dinner tonight."

"And all that is preventing you from helping us why?" Jadeite inquired again.

"Because that doesn't leave me with a whole lot of time to shovel, Jed." Kunzite told him, "And I'm not going to shovel snow in my good suit."

"Good suit?" Nephrite asked and eyed Kunzite suspiciously, "You mean you have more than one?" Nephrite owned a blazer or two, but in terms of a full suit he only had one; the one that was mercilessly shredded on his first date with Lita.

"Doesn't everyone?" Kunzite returned. Nephrite shrugged in ignorance and went back to shoveling.

"I don't even own a suit." Jadeite added looking somewhat dejected.

"How come you get to go to the Chamber of Commerce dinner tonight and we don't?" Zoisite changed the topic.

"Because of my other list of appointments today." Kunzite answered, "I'm the one taking care of all the paperwork and the bureaucratic side of things, so I'm the one that's going to eat prime rib and drink decent champagne on the city's tab."

"Wait, is the name of our restaurant Kunzite & Friends?" Nephrite asked and scratched his scraggly, snow-caked hair, "I could've sworn we called it the Four Kings Bar & Grill."

"Save it." Kunzite snubbed him.

"I think we should've had a vote." Jadeite interjected, "I want prime rib and decent champagne."

"Me too." Zoisite agreed.

"We're not voting." Kunzite ended that debate, "And honestly this thing is going to be high-brow and boring. It's in support of a local charity, there will be a lot of corporate big-wigs there and let's face it: you guys aren't exactly the social elite."

"Hey!" Zoisite squealed in an offended tone.

"Zoisite, please." Kunzite sighed, "You'd last about ten seconds if you were surrounded by CEO's and investment bankers. You'd be bored to tears. You'd probably end up sulking in a corner being asked every twenty minutes by the wait staff if you were supposed to be at a different event."

Zoisite frowned and Jadeite expectantly insisted, "Do me next!"

"You have the mind of a six year old." Kunzite obliged the blonde King, "Nobody there will want to talk about beef jerky or old _Power Rangers _episodes." Jadeite's smile broadened. Kunzite rolled his eyes, "Or about watching scrambled softcore porn."

Kunzite turned towards Nephrite who was still shoveling snow, but nevertheless made eye contact. "You'd just get drunk and try to fight the ice sculptures." Kunzite said. Nephrite nodded indicating his agreement with that assessment.

"So you're going by yourself?" Zoisite asked.

"Yes."

"Don't these things usually let you take a guest?" Jadeite tacked on his question.

"Yes, but I'm not taking one." Kunzite answered. Nephrite had finally shoveled his way to the Jeep and was now cleaning off the windshield.

"What? Why not?" Zoisite demanded, "Come on, you can at least take _one_ of us!"

"No, because you'll all fight about it and be pissed off and bitter at whoever ends up going, so I'm not taking anyone." Kunzite stated firmly. He started walking to the Jeep.

"So, will there be any live music provided at this dinner?" Nephrite inquired.

"There's going to be a big band orchestra." Kunzite answered hastily and opened the door to start the Jeep. The engine revved to life and he cranked the defroster and heater to their highest settings.

"That implies that there will be dinner _and_ dancing." Nephrite continued his line of inquiry.

"Dinner is the attraction along with the chance to mingle with other business owners." Kunzite clarified, "Dancing is optional."

"So you're basically going to a big, fancy holiday party by yourself?" Nephrite asked knowingly.

"It's a charity dinner." Kunzite stressed again.

"Uh-huh." Nephrite grinned feeling unashamedly superior in this moment, "And you're going stag."

"Maybe I'll meet someone there." Kunzite struck as hopeful a tone as he could. Nephrite saw right through it.

"Maybe you're thinking about asking Usagi to go with you?" Nephrite prodded further.

At this point Kunzite was halfway in the Jeep. The back window was still covered with snow and frost, but most of that would fly off on the highway. Kunzite wasn't the most considerate driver in the world.

"Did you hear me, slick?" Nephrite called after him.

"Yes and I'm ignoring you." Kunzite replied. He went to shut the door but Nephrite was holding it open.

"You know the more you try to hide it the more it shows." Nephrite argued. Kunzite turned the ignition key and the Jeep made a horrible grinding noise, "It's already running."

Kunzite pulled the door shut and backed out of the driveway glaring at Nephrite the whole time. The cold-loving possible-lumberjack just waved back sporting what could only be described as a shit-eating grin. The tires of the Jeep spun against the slick road and then lurched forward. The maroon vehicle fish-tailed once and sped away into the gray, snowy morning.

"Oh well." Jadeite shrugged and went back to his shovel, "Shafted again."

"He can be such a pompous prick sometimes." Zoisite observed, "Fuck, I could hold my own with CEO's and investment bankers. I can talk about that kind of stuff."

"Sure you can, Zoi." Nephrite chuckled. Now that there was a path to the driveway Nephrite propped his shovel against the house and stretched. "Time for that Wild Turkey and a pot of coffee."

"Don't get too sauced, we have to be at work in an hour." Jadeite advised.

"Dude, it's the first snowfall of the year there's a foot of the shit on the ground." Nephrite replied from the porch, "The only thing we'll have to deal with today are the crazy blue-hairs who show up on their way to and from the bingo hall."

"Thanks, I forgot I had a day of work to look forward to after this." Zoisite complained as he dug his shovel into another drift.

A snowball smacked him square in the back of the head and he jumped in surprise which only made him lose his balance on the slick sidewalk and fall face-first into a frozen white mound. Jadeite and Nephrite howled with laughter where they stood and Zoisite just lay there for a solid minute silently screaming into the snow drift about how much he hated winter.

* * *

Ares stood on the sidewalk in front of Rei's house staring out at the snow-covered landscape with wide-eyed wonder. The pieces of Endymion and Mamoru that he carried within him were obviously quite familiar with snow, but the experience of it within a canine body was something completely different. The sensation of the cold flakes brushing against his coat was sublime. He sniffed a drift near the mailbox and cocked his head sheepishly around the corners before lifting his leg… After coloring a small patch of snow a pleasant lemon-yellow he began running in circles around the front yard simply because he could. As a human the foot-deep snow wasn't anything new, but in the body of a dog in which the snow stood to his chest the world was like a giant, fluffy, white, powdery swimming pool. He jumped around through the drifts thoroughly enjoying this new sensation.

Suddenly a snowball pelted him in the snout and he heard Rei's laugh, "You're so funny, Ares."

He ran up to her side and wagged his tail happily. He may have been a prince, but he knew instinctively how to be a dog. Rei had been nothing but a model master and so he was being an exceptionally good dog in return.

"You ready to go for a walk?" Rei asked and Ares barked in reply. She laughed again. "I swear sometimes I think you're actually talking to me when you do that."

She clipped the leash onto Ares' collar and they walked out onto the sidewalk and down the street. They traveled the same route every day and today, despite the snow, was no different. He kept pace with the young woman remarkably well; he never tried to lead or pull away. They had only been to the dog park near Rei's house twice since she took him in, but both times other people commented on how well-trained and friendly the dog was. Ares thought several times that he could make Rei considerably wealthy if she were to ever enter him into something like the Westminster Dog Show. As they walked along his thoughts drifted back roughly one week to when he first arrived at the young woman's home…

* * *

_Ares was stunned at first to see the sleek black cat in front of him, but upon hearing her shakily speak all of his doubts and inhibitions disappeared._

"_Prince Endymion?" the feline purred disbelievingly._

"_Luna!" Ares immediately replied, "It is you, isn't it?"_

_Luna was equally as startled to hear the jubilant canine speak. Her eyes followed his for several moments as they both took stock of each other, not sizing the other up for confrontation, just making sure that their eyes weren't playing tricks on them._

"_I don't know what to say." Luna stated honestly, "Prince, how did this happen?"_

"_It's a bit complicated, Luna." Ares replied, "And I'm not exactly Prince Endymion or Mamoru for that matter. Just call me Ares."_

"_I can sense the Golden Crystal within you." The Moon Queen's advisor noted, "Oh my…"_

"_What?" Ares asked nervously, "What's wrong?"_

"_Were you…" Luna hesitated to ask, "Were you _reborn_ this way?"_

"_No. No I wasn't." The conversational canine replied with a relieved sigh, "Like I said, it's complicated."_

"_Nothing is ever easy where we're concerned, is it?" Luna asked and offered her well-known smile. She may have had the body of a cat, but Ares, especially the part of him that resonated with Mamoru, knew Luna's empathy ran as deep as any person he'd ever known._

"_How did you get here?" she asked after a moment, "Rei has never owned a dog before."_

"_This dog belonged to her grandfather." Ares explained, "He ran away and ended up being cared for by the Shitennou. That's when he, uh, I mean I… acquired… the Golden Crystal."_

"_The Shitennou?" Luna asked taken aback, "What are the odds of that?"_

"_Cosmic." Ares replied candidly, "But Mamoru found the owner and I was taken back there. It was just good fortune that Rei's grandfather agreed to let her take care of me." Ares smiled his puppy dog smile, "It's even more fortunate that I should find you here."_

"_It's good to see you, too." If Luna could blush it didn't show, but she was definitely flattered, "Did you recover your memories?"_

"_Partially." Ares answered, "Mamoru came in contact with the _ginzuishou_ which unlocked his memories, but he purged most of them and those were imprinted on the Golden Crystal which I carry. Before I came here the Shitennou and I were trying to return the Crystal to Mamoru."_

"_I see…" Luna pondered his words carefully._

"_If you don't mind my asking, why are you here?" Ares jumped straight ahead, "I would have thought you'd be living with Usagi."_

"_I wanted to." Luna admitted and began padding around in front of the dog, "After the fight with Queen Beryl we, Artemis and I, we traveled to the arctic to find the senshi's…" The black cat trailed off._

"_Their bodies." Ares said it for her._

"_We couldn't find them." Luna continued with some difficulty, "We thought perhaps the _ginzuishou_ had taken them back home, but after weeks of searching we knew that they were gone."_

_Luna continued: "Artemis and I tried everything we could think of to locate them, but we couldn't. Things just weren't the same without them and everything started going wrong after that. Usagi's parents were so broken up about her disappearance that they separated. The Hikawa Shrine was closed down and abandoned. Dr. Mizuno fell into a deep depression; everyone close to the girls did, honestly. Poor Makoto, though, and even Mamoru. They had no one to mourn them." Luna paused long and said, "Then there was the fire."_

"_The fire?" Ares asked. His heart was beating fast._

"_At the Crown Fruit Parlor where they used to go." Luna said sorrowfully, "I don't know why we were all brought together after the fall of our Silver Millennium if fate could be that cruel." Luna looked on the verge of tears, "The Crown burnt to the ground, as though all memory of the Sailor Senshi was being erased. Their… your friend, Motoki… he was lost in the fire."_

_Ares couldn't speak. All of Mamoru's memories of his good friend Motoki were now racing past his mind's eye. If he could cry in his canine body tears would have been falling in puddles on the floor._

"_That's when we decided to come here." Luna spoke again, "We had to get away from that place. There was nothing left there but pain and emptiness."_

"_Where is Artemis?" Ares asked noticing that Luna's stalwart companion was mentioned, but not present._

"_Living with Minako, of course." Luna answered with a smile, "Or, just Mina this time." Now Luna was speaking fondly, "As soon as we arrived here we felt something; that buzzing, static presence we all felt when we were together. That's when Artemis and I realized the senshi had not been revived, but completely reborn once again. Mina was the first one we found; after that it was only a matter of time."_

"_So why are you living with Rei?" Ares returned to his original question._

_Luna looked reluctant to answer. She paced in a circle and her eyes met with Ares' firmly. Luna was a very excitable and animated personality, but it belied her inner strength. She was not a cat to be trifled with._

"_I don't know if I can tell you that." She answered honestly; nothing less from her._

"_Why not?"_

"_Because of what might happen if I tell you." Luna said gravely and shut her eyes, "Suffice it to say, Rei needs me around much more than Usagi does right now."_

* * *

Ares walked along and glanced up at the woman who called herself his guardian. Her eyes were fixed straight ahead and her expression was blank. In a week's time he still hadn't come to any firm conclusion about what Luna's cryptic explanation meant. Apparently the feline counselor believed Rei needed her around, but Luna was nothing to Rei but a simple housecat. Something wasn't sitting well with this whole situation. Ares didn't realize that his silent pondering translated to his paws and was now lagging behind.

"Hey, come on now." Rei gently tugged on the leash, "You can't be falling behind on me this early."

Ares quickened his pace and was right alongside her again. They came to the cul-de-sac at the end of Rei's road in her development and they circled around to start walking back to the house. About halfway to their destination Ares' keen canine nose picked up a scent. He knew immediately that it was Mamoru. Seconds later his dark Honda Civic rolled into view and pulled up next to them on the sidewalk. The window rolled down to reveal Mamoru at the wheel. His eyes darted to Ares first offering a look of subdued aggression and then up at Rei.

"Oh, hello Mamoru." Rei greeted him kindly, "What are you doing out this way?"

"Just passing through." Mamoru told her. He was trying his best to sound calm and relaxed. He was failing miserably.

"Passing through?" Rei countered and motioned over her shoulder to the cul-de-sac at the end of the road, "This is a dead end street."

"Ah…" Mamoru said smartly and then looked at her with a defeated grin, "Can I be honest with you?"

"Sure…" she said slowly. Something about this man was a bit strange, despite that fact that she'd met him once and didn't remember ever telling him where she lived.

"I came here hoping to find you." Mamoru told her. Rei tensed up at those words and Ares' ears perked. Something was up.

"Really?" She asked for the sake of politeness.

"I know it's weird, trust me, but I didn't want to take advantage of already having your phone number from the ad in the paper." Mamoru explained, "So I asked some of my friends up at the University and they told me you lived in this development."

"Okay." Rei said. Mental notes were made instantly. She would be finding out who these _friends_ were at work today. "Well, can I help you with something?"

"I'm a member of this local charity and they're having this dinner tonight with the Chamber of Commerce and I have to go." Mamoru told her.

"Yeah, and?" She was starting to lose her patience with this awkward man and his ugly car.

"Would you like to go with me?" Mamoru proposed.

"What?" she asked astonished. She was expecting some ill-conceived pleasantry or a movie invite, but a charity dinner with the Chamber of Commerce? That was heady stuff.

"Would you like to go with me?" he repeated. The phrase broken record came to mind.

"Um…" Rei was struggling for some reason she couldn't understand. "You mean like a date?"

"Or like a dinner." Mamoru said and suddenly looked almost as sad and pathetic as any lost puppy could ever look, "I just thought you might like to come."

"Okay." She answered. Ares' eyes darted up at her, but she didn't notice. "I mean yes, sure. I'll go with you."

"You will?" Mamoru's tone was more amazed than excited, "G- great! It's tonight at seven at the old Altamont Hotel downtown. Should I pick you up?"

"Uhhh…" Rei stalled for time. She really hated Mamoru's car, "Why don't you meet me here around six and we'll take my car over."

"Okay!" He agreed happily. The awkward moment was made even more so when he simply shouted "Bye!" and drove away.

"What the hell?" Rei asked herself as she watched the Honda Civic disappear around a corner. Ares was asking the same thing, "What did I just get myself into, Ares?"

Oh how he wished he could tell her. He seriously considered doing just that on the entire silent walk home. This was obviously troubling Rei, but he could only imagine what it would do to her if she knew that Mamoru was in fact the human vessel that Ares' displaced spirit was supposed to reside in as well as the steward of the Earth and the keeper of the Golden Crystal among his many dignified titles. The dog decided to keep his mouth shut at least until he could confer with Luna about this newest development.

Mamoru was only supposed to care about one person, only make romantic gestures towards one person, and only try to date one person. That person was not Rei. Without realizing it his fur had begun to stand on end and he had to stifle himself from letting out a low growl. This situation was dangerous and he felt that something much more sinister than Mamoru's missing Crystal was at work.

He needed the Shitennou for this one. The only problem was how to get to them…

* * *

Mina and Usagi had known each other since preschool. Usagi's father was a Japanese paper-pusher who worked his way through middle management to an overseas sales position. Her mother was a full-bred mutt from Delaware with enough cultural diversity to support the whole "melting pot" notion of America on her own. Needless to say family gatherings at Usagi's house were very unique. Mina's parents on the other hand were a pair of nondescript suburbanites who left behind their nine-to-five jobs as well as their ten year old daughter when they discovered enlightenment in a book written by L. Ron Hubbard. They now lived in a Scientology compound somewhere in Europe. In thirteen years they spoke to their daughter exactly nine times.

Usagi relied on Mina to bring excitement and insanity to her painfully dull suburban life. Mina in turn relied on Usagi for some form of familial stability. They were opposite sides of the same coin and aside from frequently being mistaken for twins they were frighteningly intuitive of each other's thoughts. Ever since they were children they could finish each other's sentences or predict exactly what the other was about to do. The age-old method of resolving conflict, rock paper scissors, was useless to them because they always tied. One thing they never did was question their strange connection; there would be no answer and therefore no point.

Both women were now in their early twenties and as they had planned since high school they were living together in a shared loft apartment. Usagi was finishing up her last year of college while working at the Four Kings Bar & Grill. Mina had finished a year earlier simply because she wanted to be done with school forever and crammed in upwards of thirty credits each semester. It was the one time in her life when she focused solely on academics and she did just enough work to get by and get her degree in English which Usagi deemed utterly useless considering Mina's daily grasp of the language, especially when it came to proverbs and aphorisms, was dismal at best. She contended that with an English degree she could travel to any country of her choice and teach high-level English courses in somewhere like Barcelona or Prague for a ridiculous salary and get to see the world. Usagi couldn't roll her eyes hard enough.

That morning they were both sitting in their small kitchen on opposite sides of the table. Usagi was eating a bowl of cereal and thumbing through a winter fashion catalog. Mina was busy filling out their names and addresses on this month's pile of bills. The blaring claxon of their much-too-loud cordless phone sliced through their morning boredom.

"Hello?" Mina asked into the receiver. The voice asked for Usagi. "No, this is Mina." She replied, "Can I ask who's calling." She listened and silently mouthed Kunzite's name to Usagi who seemed to go pale.

"He's going to ask me to come in early today." She grumbled and lost all interest in her bowl of Rice Krispies.

"She's actually in the shower, can I take a message?" Mina asked. She listened for a moment and her eyes suddenly became like twin, blue steel bullets, "Uh-huh."

"What, what is it?" Usagi whispered.

"You know what; I think she just got out of the shower." Mina said in a monotone voice, "Hang on a second."

She put the receiver down on her lap making completely sure to cover the mouthpiece and she began giggling uncontrollably.

"What the hell did he say?" Usagi asked.

"He didn't say anything." Mina replied, "He just started fumbling with his words like it's the first time he's ever asked a girl out."

"Oh Jesus, no." Usagi gasped and her face completely lost its color, "You're kidding."

Mina didn't answer. She just loudly skidded her chair with herself in it next to Usagi and placed the phone in her best friend's hand. She offered one of her trademark winks and gestured for her to speak. Usagi moved like a robot and put the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" she asked weakly.

"Usagi, hello, it's, uh…" Kunzite was definitely having trouble speaking today, "It's Kunzite."

"Hi."

"Hi, listen, I'm in a bit of a bind here at the moment and I was wondering if you could help me." Kunzite asked as innocently as possible. Usagi just started giving "uh-huh's" as her response, "See, there's this charity dinner with the Chamber of Commerce tonight that I have to go to and I'm supposed to bring a guest, but none of the other guys from the restaurant are free."

"Okay?" she asked knowing exactly where this was heading.

"I figure with all the snow and everything we had today the place should be pretty dead and you could maybe leave early." Kunzite elaborated, "And I thought if you didn't have any other plans tonight that maybe you'd like to come along."

"To the dinner?" Usagi asked almost trancelike.

"Right, to the dinner." Kunzite repeated. He probably heard how hard she swallowed on the other end of the phone, "It's a business thing, you know, lots of corporate types." He paused and waited for a reply, but quickly added, "Free dinner!"

"Um…" Usagi was at a loss. Despite the fact that Kunzite's perpetually leering presence made her feel quite uneasy enough the way it was he was also her boss. What were the rules for dating your boss, especially one you hadn't known that long, doubly especially if he's the owner of the business?

"Usagi?" Kunzite asked to make sure if she was still conscious.

"Alright." She heard herself say.

"Great!" Kunzite perked up. Kunzite was _never_ perky. "How about you take off tonight around six, then? Will that give you enough time to get ready?"

"Uh-huh."

"Good, I'll pick you up at your place; it's pretty much on the way." Kunzite told her, "And it's a formal dinner, so don't hesitate to get all dolled-up."

Usagi cringed. _Dolled up?_ God, he was so intensely creepy.

"Ok, I'll see you tonight." She said mechanically, "Bye."

After she hung up she set the handset down on the table and didn't speak. She just looked off into the gray, endless distance of eternity splayed out in front of her. The only conscious thought she had was of her incredibly off-putting boss. His handsome face and silver-white hair filled her vision. In any other instance she should have been thrilled to date a good-looking, intelligent, industrious person like Kunzite. Instead she felt overwhelming dread in the pit of her stomach.

"I can't do it." She admitted to her friend.

"Probably shouldn't have said that you would, then." Mina told her in one of her moments of perfect clarity.

"No, I'm serious." Usagi said and spun around to face her, "I can't do this."

"Usagi…"

"You have to go, Mina!" Her panicked friend said and latched onto her shoulders.

"Me?" Mina gasped, "What does that mean?"

"Can you go? I'll make up some excuse." Usagi started plotting quickly, "I just can't do it! He creeps me out so much, please! You have to help me on this one, I'll owe you forever!"

"You can't just bail on him now, he's your boss." Mina advised, "Think of how awkward things would be if you ditched him. Just go to dinner. Fake a seizure if you have to."

"That's not funny, Mina!" Usagi shouted very nearly on the verge of tears. Suddenly truth shone down on her from some great, unknown height and the mysteries of the universe were laid bare. Her sullen frown twisted into a defiant grin.

"I thought you said it wasn't funny." Mina prodded.

"I just had an idea." her friend replied and turned to face Mina, "This is my chance."

"Your chance to do what?" Mina asked, "Get pampered all night on the city's tab and bump uglies with the big boss man?"

"No, I'm going to totally mind-fuck him, just like he does to me." Usagi said spouting a rare vulgarity. Whatever she was planning was serious business, "You're going to help me."

"I am?" Mina asked amusedly.

"Yes, you are." Her fiendish friend replied, "Usagi."

Mina's heart sank. Before she knew it Usagi had her hands tangled in Mina's long, golden hair and was styling it into her own trademark twin pigtails. After a few minutes she dropped a mirror down on the table which caught both of their reflections. With Mina's hair tied up they were already nearly identical.

"This is a really, really dumb idea." Mina told her friend, "And I know a thing or two about dumb ideas."

"You're going to show up late so he can get a few drinks in him first." Usagi plotted, "A little booze plus a lot of makeup and he won't even _begin_ to suspect anything."

"And then what?" Mina asked.

"And then you do what you do best." Usagi told her with a defiant grin, "Get him under your thumb. Promise him everything his little heart could want and then break him. Really knock his ass down a few notches. When I go to work the next day I want him to be afraid to even look at me."

"You hate it when I do things like that." Mina reminded her old friend.

"I hate it when wishes me sweet dreams." Usagi returned and sneered at the thought.

"And what happens if he figures out that I'm not you?" Mina asked using her last ditch effort to get out of this stupid plan even though she found the idiocy of it exciting.

"He's a man with too much money, a whole lot of stress and apparently a thing for blondes." Usagi replied, "Do you really think he's going to care?"

"I'm beginning to wonder who's doing the favor for whom here." Mina said with a sly smirk and Usagi returned it with one of her own, "You're lucky the goddess of love and beauty didn't already have plans this evening."

"Luck has nothing to do with it." Usagi replied and the two women laughed.

Mina didn't notice and for that matter neither did Usagi, but Usagi's hand clutched her silver crystal pendant as she said that. For the briefest moment the crystal gave off pale silver glow.

* * *

Somewhere miles away on the other side of the city Kunzite was staring at his cell phone wondering what the hell just possessed him to call Usagi. Nephrite had mentioned it as a passing joke, but Kunzite had considered it even before it was brought up. Something was wrong with this whole situation. The Jeep Liberty started to feel much to constricting, but he kept on driving in spite of it. Did he really just do that? Did he really ask his Master's cosmically-destined soul mate on a date? He set the cell phone down and refused to look at it again. He turned on the radio and was greeted by The Cars:

_Here she comes again – when she's dancing 'neath the starry sky,  
She'll make you flip.  
Here she comes again – when she's dancing 'neath the starry sky,  
I kinda like the way she dips.  
She's my best friend's girl._

He turned off the radio.

* * *

Nephrite had debated this for a while. It had been a week since Lita's startling and heartfelt revelation as to the cause of her erratic behavior. She was thankful for Nephrite's support, but she was keeping her distance all the same. They had only been communicating through texts, but this required something a bit more substantial than clever letter substitutions and smiley faces made with punctuation marks. He was now flying firmly against the wind and totally shirking his responsibilities at the Bar & Grill. The phone was ringing; consequences be damned.

"Hey." Lita greeted him. Obviously she knew who was calling.

"Hey there." He replied, "How are you?"

"Good, I was just getting ready to leave for work." She told him, "Shouldn't you be doing the same?"

"Waiting on a taxi." Nephrite replied and sipped his third cup of coffee, "Kunzite took the Jeep this morning to run errands and this snow has just slowed everything to a crawl."

"Ugh, tell me about it." Lita moaned, "I hate driving in this shit. It's like everyone just shuts down the rational part of their brains around here once the snow shows up."

"Yeah." Nephrite laughed and then made a bee-line straight to the point, "Hey, listen… are you doing anything tonight?"

"Not really." Lita replied and Nephrite noted the nervousness in her voice, "Why?"

"You want to crash a bad party?"

She had to laugh at his request, "What?"

"There's this fancy high-horse charity dinner at the Chamber of Commerce tonight that Kunzite got invited to and he's being a dick and not taking us." Nephrite explained. He was smiling through t all, "I still want to go."

"Why? I've been to those things, they suck." Lita spoke from experience.

"It won't suck if you're there." Nephrite returned immediately. He heard it in her voice that he was a hair away from success or failure.

"Nephrite…" she spoke slowly and deliberately, "I don't know."

"I was told there would be, quote, decent champagne." Nephrite added for levity and Lita laughed on the other end of the phone. He tried to sound as innocent as he could, "Please?"

After a long pause she sighed "Okay."

"It'll be fun." Nephrite assured her, "I'll see you tonight. Wear a dress!"

"You wear a dress!" He heard her shout as he hung up the phone. He could not resist a victorious fist-smash on the table. He spun around in his char and saw Jadeite and Zoisite standing at the doorway, eyes thin and arms crossed.

"What's up your asses?" Nephrite asked eloquently.

The blonde Shitennou exchanged glances and frankly stated: "We're coming too."


	21. Sharp Dressed Man

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Sharp Dressed Man

Jadeite, Nephrite and Zoisite leaned against the bar at the Four Kings Bar & Grill watching intently as the long arm of the clock ticked out the minutes. It was one o'clock and Kunzite would likely be buried neck-deep in ledgers at the accountant's office by now. Just as Nephrite predicted business was slow on such a snowbound day and even Usagi, who was arguably the only one doing any work, was sitting across from the Shitennou at the bar waiting for something eventful to happen. She twirled her straw around in a glass of diet Coke and sighed.

"What's wrong?" Nephrite asked in his usual exuberant-bartender manner, "You're not your usual cheery self today."

"Sorry," she apologized, "When it's dead like this I get bored and cranky."

"No, I don't think that's it." Nephrite inferred with a sideways glance, "Something's bothering you."

"Yeah, well I'm sure you guys already know about it." Usagi dismissed the notion.

"Know about what?" Zoisite asked.

"Come on…" Usagi said disbelievingly, but the confused looks of her employers seemed to convince her otherwise, "You mean Kunzite didn't tell you?"

"Kunzite?" Jadeite chuckled, "Usagi, Kunzite doesn't tell us _anything_."

"Unless it's something to do with work or finances." Zoisite added.

"Idiots." Nephrite labeled his blonde partners, "She's talking about the man-crush Kunzite has on her."

Usagi's face fell and flared up in a bright red shade. Unfortunately, as she was sitting directly across from the Shitennou, she had nothing to hide behind and nowhere to run to conceal her embarrassment. At this point she was considering slow, painful suicide by butter knife.

"Does he really?" Zoisite practically squealed, "You guys have been dropping hints for like the last month, but nobody has said anything concrete."

"Yeah, he does." Nephrite answered, "Like a Long-Island-sized boner."

Usagi's forehead hit the surface of the bar with such force that the silverware and ashtrays jumped.

"Dude." Jadeite scoffed at his elder companion, "She's right there."

Nephrite glanced down at Usagi whose head was now covered by her crossed arms as though she were experiencing a time-out in elementary school. She was doing a remarkable job of isolating herself from her immediate surroundings, but Nephrite could still see the tips of her ears which were extraordinarily red.

"You poor thing!" Zoisite exclaimed and moved around to the other side of the bar. He sat down next to Usagi and wrapped an arm around her shoulders while scowling at Nephrite, "Don't listen to them. They're just a pair of oversized children."

"Oh are you seriously trying to pull the bleeding heart routine on us, Zoi?" Jadeite scorned the younger King's actions, "Like you weren't dying to know the truth."

"Shut up!" Zoisite snapped and coaxed Usagi back into a sitting position. She was thoroughly embarrassed and didn't look anyone in the eye, "Tell me everything, Usagi. I've known Kunzite forever; I can tell what he's really up to."

"We all know what he's up to." Nephrite smirked.

"_Bow-chicka-wow-wow…"_ Jadeite added unhelpfully.

"Oh god…" Usagi groaned and swung her head down at the bar again.

"Will you two stop it?" Zoisite demanded, "You're going to give the poor girl brain damage!"

"Fine, we'll leave you two to your _girl talk_." Nephrite sassed and slapped Jadeite on the shoulder, "Come on, Jed, let's hang out in front of the building and see if we can't drum up some business."

"Since its cold enough to see my breath I'm going to pretend like I'm smoking." Jadeite stated like an excited six year old and the two Shitennou excused themselves outside.

"I'm really sorry about them." Zoisite apologized for his cohorts, "They're usually not quite so overtly juvenile. It must be the cold getting to them."

"It's fine." Usagi groaned. Her head was still firmly attached to the bar.

"So what's Kunzite been putting you through?" Zoisite pried. Usagi was reluctant to speak, "You can tell me, Usagi. I have to live with all of them and I get the worst of it at home. Trust me; I know what it's like."

"I don't think he's attracted to you." Usagi replied and lifted her head off the table, "No offense."

"None taken." Zoisite replied. He suppressed a nervous twitch.

"I don't know, he's just really creepy around me." Usagi blurted out and started folding a napkin to busy herself, "He says really weird things and the way he hovers around the restaurant it's like he's always watching me, you know?"

"Well, Kunzite does have a tendency to leer over everyone." Zoisite admitted, "Did you ever tell him that it bothers you?"

"I can't just tell him that!" Usagi jumped at the suggestion, "He's my boss!"

"Well, technically I'm your boss, too." Zoisite corrected her, "So are Frick and Frack out there." He motioned to the door outside where Nephrite and Jadeite stood, "If it's making you uncomfortable you can tell us. We'll set Kunzite straight."

"I just don't want to cause any drama." Usagi sighed, "This really is a great place to work; I have fun when I'm here and you guys have been really great to me." She turned her head and looked at the clock for something to do, "I don't want to drag you into this."

"Hey, you're our responsibility when you're here!" Zoisite told the young employee, "If there's something going on that's making you uncomfortable we have to put it right!"

"I appreciate that." Usagi told him genuinely, "But I think it'll be alright."

"Obviously not if it's got you this worked up." Zoisite disagreed.

"I planned on dealing with it myself tonight." Usagi replied and Zoisite detected the slightest hint of mischief in her voice.

"Kunzite isn't working tonight." Zoisite reminded her.

"I know." She replied, "He asked me to go with him to the dinner at the Chamber of Commerce."

"He did?" Zoisite asked and stared blankly. He was simultaneously surprised and incised that Kunzite would invite Usagi instead of one of the other Shitennou, specifically himself.

"Yeah, he called me this morning." Usagi explained. Zoisite again saw a faint glimmer in her large blue eyes telling him that he was not privy to some part of Usagi's story, "I think it'll be a good time to address the situation."

"Address the situation?" Zoisite repeated. She was speaking too business-like for his tastes now; she was definitely planning something.

The sound of the door opening and the whip of the wind outside interrupted their conversation. Jadeite and Nephrite reentered the restaurant with a trio of elderly women between them each with fogged-up glasses as they undid their bonnets and babushkas.

"Zoisite, get a fresh pot of coffee going for our guests!" Nephrite ordered happily.

"I'll be right back to take your orders, ladies!" Jadeite announced and he ran in the back room to change out his jacket for his apron. The three women thanked him and tittered amongst themselves.

"You both into older women now?" Zoisite whispered to Nephrite as he reclaimed his position behind the bar.

"On a day like this you've got to squeeze the most out of every sale." Nephrite answered, "And two handsome young men like Jadeite and I just about have their blood pressure to critical levels. They'll spend twice as much!"

"Isn't that a little dishonest?" Usagi asked and scrunched her brow at the question.

"All business is a little dishonest, Usagi." Nephrite told the young woman, "I call it the Hooters Philosophy. Why do you think a place like that even exists? It isn't for the food."

"It's a strip club without the stripping." Zoisite droned in disgust.

"Right." Nephrite agreed, "And I'll bet you if they built an identical restaurant that served the same food but without the scantily-clad coeds that Hooters would make at least double the sales every day."

"Well obviously." Zoisite rolled his eyes, "You idiots go there to gorge yourselves on cleavage and wings."

"And now our little Don Juan over there is going to make sure these blue-hairs gorge themselves on a whole bunch of shit they don't want just because he's so damn suave with them." Nephrite elaborated and gestured to Jadeite who was taking the old ladies' orders while laughing and carrying on with them in an obviously forced, over-the-top sort of way.

"Incredible." Zoisite laughed somewhat distastefully.

"First rule of sales is to treat your customers like royalty." Nephrite said haughtily.

"Even if that involves lying to their faces?" Usagi asked.

"Especially if it involves lying to their faces." Nephrite agreed, "What's a good salesman but a good liar? It's all about getting you to buy what you don't need."

"You amaze me, Nephrite." Zoisite told the elder King, "I don't remember you ever being this underhanded even in the Dark Kingdom."

Nephrite's eyes snapped to Zoisite's immediately. The younger Shitennou took a step back and his eyes also went wide with surprise. Usagi looked on seeming somewhat confused by their behavior.

"What's the Dark Kingdom?" she asked.

"Nothing!" Nephrite was quick to answer and fabricated a quick cover, "It's a club we worked at when we were still in college."

"Oh, I see." Usagi said, "Dark Kingdom… What was it, some kind of Goth nightclub?"

"Sort of." Zoisite answered and grinned sheepishly.

"Hey, Usagi, could you run to the back and get me another tank of CO2? I think the one up here is about to run out." Nephrite asked and quickly tried to usher her away from the bar.

"Sure." She agreed, "Be right back."

As soon as she hopped off the stool and was out of earshot Nephrite closed the distance between himself and Zoisite and practically forced the younger king back into a wall as Nephrite's cold blue eyes drilled into his.

"What the fuck was that?" he demanded forcefully.

"I'm sorry, it just slipped out!" Zoisite answered panic-stricken from his slip-up.

"Things like that don't just slip out, Zoisite!" Nephrite shouted in a whisper, "God damn it, I thought you had more self-control than that!" He shook his head disgustedly, "For Christ's she's _Sailor Moon_!"

"She _was _Sailor Moon, Nephrite." Zoisite corrected the elder King, "And I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me; you know I wouldn't intentionally talk about that in front of anyone but us."

"Jesus…" Nephrite sighed and turned away still livid, "And you tried to bitch at me for dating Lita?"

"I said I was sorry!" Zoisite repeated.

"You're lucky that she doesn't seem to remember anything." Nephrite added, "Despite the fact that she wears the _ginzuishou_ around her neck."

"None of them remember anything." Zoisite recalled seeing the _senshi_ together a few days ago with none of them recognizing the others, "We're the only ones that have any memory of our past lives."

"And I thought we were trying to keep it that way." Nephrite grumbled and started absentmindedly arranging glasses.

"Why don't they remember anything?" Zoisite wondered aloud and let his gaze drift.

"What does it matter, Zoisite?" Nephrite demanded and slammed a mug down on the counter, "Just let them be and don't question it."

"Doesn't it bother you at all?" Zoisite asked his uncaring companion, "They fought against us for so long; we saw how close they were and how much they were like us in their bond." Zoisite looked wistful and glanced towards the ceiling, "Why are they deprived of the companionship that we share?"

"Who knows, Zoisite?" Nephrite gave a defeated sigh, "All I can tell you is that it's not for us to worry about. As far as that goes, we're here to protect Mamoru just as we did in the past. The _senshi_ are in another universe from us entirely."

"Are they?" Zoisite wondered, more of an indirect thought than a question.

"Hey, what are you all talking about?" Jadeite asked as he joined the two behind the bar.

"Nothing." Nephrite and Zoisite both answered looking cross and angry at each other.

"Jeez, fine." Jadeite pouted and looked up at the clock which read a mere 1:20 PM, "Could this day go any slower?"

* * *

Rei had left for work at least four hours ago and Ares sat in the kitchen staring up at the cordless phone that hung on the wall about five feet above him. Getting out of his cage was a simple enough maneuver since Luna was a free-roaming pet and could help him undo the clasp on the wire door. She paced around on the table nearby with a worried expression marring her frisky feline features.

"If you get paw-prints on the wall she's going to be furious." Luna warned the dog below her.

"I need to get in contact with the Shitennou, Luna." Ares informed her as he continued staring at the phone, "So unless there's another phone somewhere in the house this is what we'll have to do."

"She's going to know you were out of your cage." Luna reminded him, "If she reinforces the door it's going to be even more difficult to get you out again."

"I'll take my chances." Ares said, "Are you ready?"

Luna only nodded in reply. Ares jumped up against the wall with his front paws anchoring him for balance. His snout was a good six inches away from the phone. Luna leapt gracefully from her perch on the nearby table and landed precariously on top of Ares' head. Her claws held her fast and the dog let out a painful yelp, but she ignored it for the moment. She reached up with one paw and knocked the cordless phone off the cradle and it dropped to the floor where it bounced on the carpet and settled neatly facing up.

"That worked well." Ares grunted against the pain of Luna's claws, "Can you get off now?"

Luna snickered to herself and jumped down. Ares followed suit thankful that his paws didn't leave any noticeable prints on the wall and he nosed his way over to the phone. The line appeared to be open and it was making a low droning dial tone noise.

"Can you dial it?" Ares asked and Luna nodded, "Alright, call the Four Kings Bar & Grill."

Ares recalled the phone number from the stored memories of Mamoru and Luna carefully dialed with her slim paw one number at a time. She hit the wrong digits several times and had to start over, but after a few tries the phone began to ring and a familiar voice picked up on the other end.

"Four Kings Bar and Grill, can I help you?" asked the chipper voice of Usagi.

Ares looked up at Luna who wore the same surprised expression. They had both expected one of the Shitennou to answer. Ares cleared his throat and tried his best to create a different tone for his voice, but he was unable to do much thanks to the curious powers that allowed him to speak in the first place.

"Hello, is Zoisite or Jadeite available?" he asked.

"Umm… yeah." Usagi said slowly and then paused, "Is this Mamoru?"

Ares shut his eyes and silently cursed to himself. Despite his best efforts Usagi recognized his voice. The part of him that was Mamoru screamed out to keep talking to the young woman, but Ares knew that exposing her any more than was necessary would be dangerous and counterproductive.

"Yes." He replied, "But I'm in a hurry, Usagi. I really need to talk to one of them."

"Alright, I'll get them." Usagi agreed and sounded extremely upset, "Is there something wrong? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Ares hurriedly replied.

"I've been trying to talk to you for a while." Usagi admitted and offered a good-natured jab, "I was beginning to think you're trying to avoid me."

"No, of course not." Ares replied wanting to end the conversation, "I've just been very busy."

"Okay, well you should come in for coffee or something one day." Usagi told him, still holding out the hope of getting to know the strange man better.

"I'll do that." Ares promised in Mamoru's stead and instantly regretted it.

"Good." She chirped, "Hang on, Zoisite is closer."

She set the phone down and Ares let out an exhausted sigh. Luna looked just as tense and was obviously excited to hear Usagi's voice, but wisely stayed silent. After a few moments the receiver changed hands and a new voice greeted them.

"Mamoru!" Zoisite called with obviously false enthusiasm, "What can I do for you?"

"Zoisite, it's Ares." The dog spoke into the receiver and laid his long, floppy ear against the earpiece to hear the reply.

Zoisite stalled in his tracks for a moment and stuttered, "A- Ares? Really?"

"Yes, really." He assured him, "I need to talk to you. Are you alone?"

"Yeah, the others are busy." Zoisite said. Ares could hear his confusion, "How are you using a phone?"

"Long story, but I had some help." Ares answered and winked at Luna who rolled her eyes playfully, "Something is up with Mamoru. I was walking with Rei this morning and he showed up out of nowhere, almost like he was stalking her."

"Oh dear…" Zoisite groaned on the other end.

"He asked her out to some charity dinner tonight." Ares added, "Mamoru shouldn't be interested in anyone but Usagi. I think he might be doing this intentionally!"

"A charity dinner?" Zoisite zeroed in on that detail instead of the others, "At the Chamber of Commerce?"

"Yes." Ares answered, "Why, do you already know about it?"

"Just about everyone in our little circle of friends is going." Zoisite told him, "Well, Kunzite got invited, but the rest of us are crashing it anyway." He chuckled slightly and then his voice suddenly lost all warmth, "Oh no."

"What?" Ares panted.

"Kunzite is taking Usagi to the dinner." Zoisite spoke in hushed monotone.

"Kunzite?" Ares asked practically barking and his hair stood on end, "Why is Kunzite taking Usagi out to dinner?"

"I don't know!" Zoisite answered, "I haven't been able to sit down and think about it, but apparently Jadeite and Nephrite have been teasing him about having a crush on Usagi for a few weeks."

"What the hell?" Ares yelped astonished and practically enraged, "Has Kunzite lost his mind?"

"Oh god, I can only imagine how this makes you feel!" Zoisite cried in his reality-detached way.

"Don't worry about me." Ares ordered, "We need to find the source of all this idiocy. Mamoru is interested in the wrong person and Kunzite… I don't even know what to say about him right now."

"It's a bit strange, isn't it?" Zoisite asked.

"Strange doesn't cover it." Ares replied, "You said you're going too, is Jadeite?"

"Yes and so is Nephrite." Zoisite reaffirmed their roster, "We'll be sure to keep an eye on things."

"I wish I could be there!" Ares growled in a frustrated tone, "If I could be in the same room with Usagi and Mamoru maybe fate would take over and clear this whole thing up for us."

"We could try to sneak you in." Zoisite suggested.

"No, that's too dangerous." Ares disagreed, "I already had to escape from a cage today; I don't want you breaking into Rei's house. We'll just have to wait and see."

"Okay. If you say so." Zoisite deferred to the dog's decision, "By the way, we've been meaning to come see you, but Rei hasn't called us yet or given any indication that she wants to take us up on our offer to help out with her schedule."

"I wouldn't hold your breath." Ares sighed, "I've only been here a little while, but Rei seems extremely stubborn and, um… territorial?" He didn't know the exact correct word, "She's very private; I've never even seen her talk on the phone to anyone but her grandfather and co-workers."

"It seems odd that she'd agree to go on a date with someone like Mamoru, then." Zoisite noted.

"This whole situation is odd." The talking dog reminded him, "Zoisite, I'm afraid something bigger is happening here than just a case of a missing Crystal."

"Don't worry; I'll keep an eye on it." Zoisite promised and was now speaking with the power and authority of a Shitennou which served to considerably ease Ares' apprehension.

"Good." Ares answered more easily, "I'll try to contact you again tomorrow."

"Sounds good." Zoisite agreed and struck a hopeful tone, "Be safe, Master. We'll handle this."

"You be safe too." The canine prince echoed, "Talk to you soon."

With that Zoisite hung up and Ares lifted his head away from the receiver. He shook his head a few times and shrugged. Luna nudged her face into his line of sight.

"You're thinking about how to escape, aren't you?" Luna asked intuitively sensing Ares' silent pondering.

"I'm thinking that I need to take a more active role in all this." Ares answered, "And I can't do that while I'm trapped in this house."

"As much as I sympathize with what you're going through I have to advise against it." Luna offered, "I don't know what would happen to Rei if you disappeared."

"What do you mean?" Ares asked and recalled Luna's cryptic warning from a few days prior, "You mentioned this before; what's wrong with Rei that makes you treat her like she's as fragile as a Faberge Egg?"

Luna looked as though she wanted to answer, but at the last moment she twisted her head away and squeaked out, "I'm sorry, Prince. I can't explain."

"I don't like secrets, Luna." Ares grumbled, "I've encountered a lot in the short time that I've held the Golden Crystal, but something tells me that there's more to be seen." Ares looked grim and his eyes were downcast, "I can't shake the feeling that something _wrong _happened to all of us."

"I wish I could help, but I know as little as you do." Luna said truthfully.

"That's what worries me." Ares told the feline guardian, "We died and lost our memories, but you didn't." Luna gulped at that statement, "What's hiding out there, Luna?"

"I don't know." Luna admitted, but was still upbeat about it, "Hopefully nothing."

Ares didn't reply. Of course he hoped it was nothing as well and that his overactive, canine-imprisoned imagination was just running away with him, but experience taught him that it probably wasn't nothing. Before long something would have to give. He just hoped by then he could sort things out.

* * *

"Okay guys, I'm taking off." Usagi announced as she put on her coat to leave the restaurant, "I'll see you all tomorrow."

"Oh, you'll see us before then." Jadeite said under his breath. Usagi didn't hear him and left without another word.

"Right." Nephrite said and punched his hand, "Let's get this place locked down."

"I'll count out the register. Jadeite, you shut everything down in the kitchen." Zoisite said and Jadeite nodded. Nephrite was already busy turning the bar stools upside down.

"So what do you think about Kunzite asking Usagi to this dinner?" Zoisite asked.

"Did he?" Nephrite answered with another question, "I was just joking about it this morning, I didn't know he actually followed through."

"Yeah, he did." Zoisite replied, "And Usagi is pretty upset about it. I think Kunzite makes her feel more uncomfortable than she lets on."

"He probably does." Nephrite answered.

"Well?" Zoisite asked expectantly and placed his hand son his hips.

"Well what?" Nephrite reacted and came back behind the bar to turn off the CO2 system.

"What are we going to do about it?" Zoisite clarified.

"I'm not going to do anything." Nephrite told him and Zoisite offered a blank stare, "Don't look at me like that, Zoisite, what the fuck business is it of mine who Kunzite tries to bone?"

"It's your business when that person is our Master's fated soul-mate." Zoisite snapped back.

"Well if it's fated then it really doesn't matter what Kunzite does, because it'll all work out in the end, right?" Nephrite recounted his logic, "So I'm not going to bother sticking my nose in his business."

"What if it's fated that Mamoru wins Usagi's heart this time around by killing Kunzite in a jealous rage?" Zoisited postulated.

"Then we re-name the restaurant the Three Kings Bar and Grill and collect on his life insurance policy." Nephrite answered with far too much ease.

"Nephrite!" Zoisite snapped at his companion's blasé answer.

"Don't get defensive and bitchy with me, Zoisite." Nephrite batted the other Shitennou back down, "There's nothing we can do. Kunzite's old enough to make his own decisions and so is Usagi. If we get involved we'll be no better than he was when he took the Golden Crystal."

Zoisite didn't have a comeback for that and Nephrite seemed satisfied enough with his silence to drop the topic. Jadeite reappeared a few minutes later and they both noticed he was already dressed in a finely tailored black suit with a black silk tie.

"Where did you get that?" Nephrite asked dumbfounded.

"I know; it's nice isn't it?" Jadeite replied, "I completely forgot I had this thing stashed in the basement."

"That's what you wore to Mamoru's college graduation three years ago, wasn't it?" Zoisite asked as he looked over the black suit, "It's about as dated as his Honda Civic."

"How can a suit be dated?" Jadeite questioned as he checked his reflection in a polished glass mug, "It's a black jacket and pants. All suits look the same to me."

"Of course they all look the same to _you_." Zoisite sighed inwardly.

"I'm sure we'll all be impressed with whatever ungodly overpriced ensemble you show up in." Nephrite said and began mock gagging over his bar.

"You should talk, Nephrite." Zoisite admonished him, "You let your girlfriend rip the sleeve of an Armani jacket that I'm sure cost you upwards of a grand."

"I'm going to have it repaired." Nephrite shot back, "And I own _one_ suit, Zoi, not a closet full like you."

"Yes, but you still bought the best you could." Zoisite winked.

"That's one indulgence, it hardly counts." Nephrite countered, "You spend all the money you ever have on new clothes and shoes and trendy bullshit that goes out of style two weeks after it appears on the market."

"That's how you get noticed at a snobby, upper-crust engagement like this dinner." Zoisite said and struck a pose, "Everybody is going to immediately drop what they're doing when they see me."

"Because they'll all think you're a woman." Jadeite tacked on. Nephrite laughed and Zoisite scowled. There had been plenty of times in their shared past when Zoisite was mistaken for a woman. It was comedy gold for the rest of their group, but it infuriated the youngest King like nothing else.

"Go get changed." Nephrite ordered, "Lord knows it'll take you long enough."

"Nephrite, you're not going dressed like that I assume?" Jadeite inquired.

"No, I'm going over to meet Lita at her place." He explained, "Apparently she has something for me to wear."

"That's a little creepy. Haven't you only gone out with her once?" Jadeite asked as he adjusted his cuffs.

"Officially, yes." Nephrite agreed and had to admit it was a bit strange.

"Well, good luck with her." Jadeite offered and stared at himself in the glass reflection again, "God damn it, I feel like such a badass tonight!"

"Too bad it's just the clothes." Nephrite shot back and collected his cell phone and keys off the bar, "I'm going to hail a cab and head over to her place. We'll meet up with you at this thing."

"Hey, did you come up with a cover story for us?" Jadeite asked before Nephrite reached the door.

"I came up with a cover for me." Nephrite replied, "You dicks are on your own."

"What?" Jadeite cried as Nephrite exited the restaurant with a howl of laughter.

Zoisite stuck his head out of the back room and asked, "What was that about?"

"We need to think up a cover story for ourselves." Jadeite said quickly, "You know, to actually get into this thing. We're not on the guest list."

"I thought Nephrite—" Zoisite started to speak, but Jadeite shook his head, "That bastard."

"Uhh…" Jadeite wracked his brain for a good lie, "Oh! We're criminal psychologists. That sounds important enough and we could probably bullshit our way through it pretty easily."

Zoisite wasn't listening. His eyes were darting all around the room and finally the last thing they landed on was one of the blue towels that Nephrite used to wipe down his bar. Zoisite looked up at Jadeite, specifically his old black suit, and scowled.

"Is that a no to the criminal psychologists?" Jadeite asked.

"Call a cab." Zoisite ordered, "We need to run home and see if I have anything else you can wear." He quickly looked over Jadeite again and tisked, "God, I hope you're close enough to my size."

"What?" Jadeite stuttered and clutched at his jacket, "Why? What for?"

"If we're going to pull this off you're going to have to dress better." Zoisite grimaced as thoughts began racing and stacking up like a fast-paced game of Tetris, "A lot better…"

* * *

Nephrite had only hoped that Jadeite and Zoisite wouldn't follow him outside to see exactly what kind of taxi he was getting into. It wasn't a four-door yellow sedan; it was an obsidian black stretch limo. He hated the fact that the Shitennou shared a vehicle which always seemed to go to Kunzite first and there was no way in hell he would force Lita to drive or make her endure a cross-town trip in the back of an old Crown Victoria. He checked the mini-bar which was stocked exactly as he requested with the component parts for a Manhattan as well as a bottle of Johnnie Walker Green Label scotch.

Normally all of this would have come with a hefty price tag, but Nephrite had bribed a gentleman he knew at the limousine rental agency with a few free premium cuts of steak at the Bar & Grill if he could get him a good rate. Kunzite wouldn't like it when he found it, but that was neither here nor there when it came to his pursuit of Lita. Nephrite smiled to himself; he wasn't exactly wealthy, but when push came to shove he was very good at faking it and stretching a buck. The limo pulled up in front of Lita's house and he told the driver to circle the block a few times and they would be out soon. He got out of the black stretch and shuffled up to her front door as it drove out of sight. She appeared a few moments after the doorbell rang.

"Hey there." She greeted him warmly and invited him into the house, "How was work?"

"Not busy and painfully slow." He answered honestly, "Jadeite and I were literally out on the street trying to attract business."

"Any luck?" she asked.

"A few old ladies who were very interested in our bottom-round roast, if you know what I mean." He smirked. Lita laughed and invited him to sit down in the kitchen where she was busy doing something that involved a profusion of pots and pans.

"Sorry, give me a minute." She apologized and went back to work.

"What's all this?" He asked and instead of sitting he watched over her shoulder.

"It's called _boilo_." She told him, "It's something my grandmother used to make every year around Thanksgiving and Christmas."

"I've never heard of it." Nephrite admitted.

"I'm not surprised." She told him, "It's kind of a really specific regional thing."

"It smells interesting." He said as he picked up the scent of oranges, cinnamon, and honey along with traces of licorice, "What is it?"

"Comfort juice!" She announced happily and pulled out a handle of Four Queens Blended Whiskey from a cupboard. She opened it up and poured the whole thing into a large pot that sat on the stove.

"Holy shit!" Nephrite exclaimed seeing that much booze poured into the pot.

"Ahh, I knew you'd be interested!" Lita said and motioned for him to come closer. She stirred the ingredients around and Nephrite caught sight of the orange and lemon pulp, thick streaks of honey and several cinnamon sticks swirling in the deep brown liquid. More than that he caught a heady blast of liquor-tinged steam and his smile broadened considerably.

"Lita, what is this insanity you've concocted?" Nephrite wondered as he watched all the disparate ingredients coagulate into a homogenous opaque blend.

"It's a genuine old-world Lithuanian recipe." She explained, "Oranges, lemons, honey, cinnamon, nutmeg, some currants, and a little allspice. Mix it in a little water and let it simmer for about a half hour then pour in the whiskey, but it _has_ to be Four Queens, unless you can make your own grain alcohol." She moved the pot off the burner of the stove and motioned to a large strainer sitting on top of another pot in the sink, "Would you mind?"

Nephrite stepped up immediately and poured the near-boiling pot of Lita's alcoholic concoction through the strainer. It caught the majority of pulp from the oranges and lemons as well as the cinnamon sticks and clumps of spices. It took a few more runs through the strainer to get the entire particulate out and by that time the _boilo_ had cooled to the point that it could be sampled. She pulled out two small cups and offered one full of the dark, cider-colored liquid to Nephrite.

"They say this stuff is a good deterrent in the winter against the flu." Lita said and put her cup to her lips, "_Na zdrowie_!"

Nephrite saluted her with his cup and took a big gulp of the stuff which he immediately regretted. Like a fine scotch or brandy this _boilo_ was definitely meant to be sipped. He tasted all the parts of the recipe including the citrus from the oranges and lemons, the tart of the currants and the spice of the cinnamon and nutmeg. What he didn't taste was the whiskey. He felt the burn as he swallowed and his entire body began feeling as though he were relaxing in a sauna. After struggling through his error with the first mouthful, he took another more practiced sip and let the experience hit him again.

"Jesus." He said and smacked his lips at the nearly-empty cup. His smile was unmistakable, "This is some dangerous shit."

"I assume that means you like it?" Lita pried the compliment out of him.

"Like it?" Nephrite asked grudgingly, "I'm already thinking of how I'm going to steal the recipe."

"On a cold night sitting by the fire this stuff will do you right in." Lita told him and he noticed that she seemed significantly more relaxed than she had the last time they met. He could only assume it had to do with the happy memories this murderous beverage called forth.

"Well it's a cold night." Nephrite told her, "And I don't see a fireplace in here, but we can always burn a phonebook or something in the sink."

"That's tempting." She laughed, "But I haven't eaten anything yet today and you promised me that this was going to be fun, so I'm holding you to it."

"Can we bring a bottle of this stuff?" Nephrite asked and slurped down the rest of his drink.

"We'll see." She told him playfully and set down her cup, "Come here, I have something for you."

She led him to her bedroom and Nephrite's heart began to beat faster. Her room was not what he expected. The rest of the house looked like a furniture store show room. Everything was placed with a purpose. Her bedroom was more lived-in. It wasn't messy, but there was a lot filling it. What caught his eye were the decidedly frilly and feminine ruffles on the comforter that lay on Lita's bed. He noticed splotches of pink all over the room and a pile of DVD's next to a small flat-screen TV. He didn't recognize most of the titles which immediately signaled to Nephrite that they were chick flicks. The presence of the one title he did recognize, _"The Notebook,"_ proved that fact.

"Sorry, it's a little messy." Lita apologized as she rooted around in her closet and pulled out a set of clothes on a hanger, "Here, try this on."

"Right." He collected his thoughts and took the hanger, "This is the suit you told me about."

"It should fit you." Lita told him in a hopeful tone, "Come out after you change. We'll have another cup of _boilo_ before we leave."

With that she left and closed the door to her room behind her. Nephrite didn't need the promise of more of Lita's yuletide feel-good-juice, but it was a nice gesture. He quickly stripped down feeling rather awkward taking off his clothes in Lita's bedroom and trying on a suit of questionable origin. His own shoes and dress shirt were appropriate for the dark gray slacks and the two-button jacket and after a cursory glance in the mirror, the nearly picture-perfect reflection of which perturbed him, he joined Lita again in the kitchen.

"Fits pretty well." Nephrite said and smoothed out the seams of his jacket.

"It looks great on you." Lita told him. Her voice was full of warmth and he noted that it wasn't because of the pot of booze, "Your tie is a bit crooked, though."

She stepped up to him and adjusted the tie. And as she did she ran the tops of her fingers under his chin and very slightly stroked against his neck and down his shoulders to the sides of his arms. She pulled closer gave Nephrite a slight hug which, because of having his arms pinned, he couldn't return.

"Whose suit was this?" he asked softly through the curls of her hair which hid her ears.

"It was my Dad's." She answered slowly. Somehow Nephrite already knew that, but he let her say it, "I saved a lot of his stuff, but it's been a while since I pulled any of it out."

"What made you go digging around for this?" Nephrite asked.

"You did." She told him sincerely, "I've been thinking about him a lot, especially after what you said." She bit her lip and nearly looked away, but forced herself to make eye contact, "I think I want to find out what happened to him."

"I'm glad to hear you say that." Nephrite said feeling a wave of relief after his recent encounters with Lita's spastic side. He much preferred her this way, quiet, emotional, but still incredibly strong and determined.

"Well, we probably shouldn't stand around here all night." Lita said and pulled away from the towering King, "Want another cup before we hit the road?"

"I do, but I probably shouldn't." Nephrite politely declined, "I've got a bottle of expensive scotch waiting in the car."

"The car?" Lita asked as she put on her long, familiar trench coat. Nephrite moved forward and helped her into it, "I thought I was going to drive."

"Nah." He said, "Wouldn't dream of it."

They walked to the front door and as Nephrite opened it for her she saw the huge limo parked out front with their driver waiting expectantly near the door. Lita's jaw hung open and she tilted her astonished eyes up to meet Nephrite and his cocky grin.

"You asshole!" she gasped at the luxurious vehicle he procured for the night.

"I told you it would be fun." He whispered in her ear and she couldn't help but giggle like a high school girl on her way to the prom.

She and Nephrite practically leaped across the snowy sidewalk to their ride and as the chilly winter wind blew back their auburn hair Nephrite couldn't help but grin. Everything was going incredibly well and the night was still young. No doubt this would be a night to remember.


	22. Zoot Suit Riot

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Zoot Suit Riot

Zoisite exited the taxi and immediately wrapped his arms around himself shivering against the cold. Jadeite joined him on the sidewalk a few moments later after paying their fare. The yellow cab drove off and Jadeite looked up at the street sign and scowled.

"Isn't the hotel another block away?" Jadeite asked as the cold wind stung his face.

"Yes, but I'm not going to show up at the front door in a taxi." Zoisite whined through the cold, "Have a little class, Jadeite."

"I have enough class for both of us in this ridiculous outfit." He shot back.

Zoisite chuckled and they began walking. Zoisite was dressed to utter perfection in a finely tailored Hugo Boss blazer with satin lapels over a black turtleneck and black slacks that appeared to be painted on from the knees up. Jadeite was wearing borrowed wardrobe: one of Zoisite's older Calvin Klein suits that he bought on a shopping binge at Saks Fifth Avenue which featured a herringbone vest. Instead of a tie Zoisite insisted Jadeite wear a gaudy kerchief and, to his utter revulsion, an earring which he hadn't worn in years. They were both wearing fine Italian leather loafers also provided from Zoisite's wardrobe. Zoisite had his hair pulled back as usual, but insisted on sculpting Jadeite's hair with gel into an upwards-sweeping spiky style that, despite the inclement wind, did not move an inch.

They walked the block down to the hotel which was a big old art deco building which the city used for every gala and important ceremony they could to show off the golden years of their prosperity that had long since passed. The building was illuminated with spotlights glowing on a large statue of Apollo above the foyer. The entrance was flanked by two large trees decorated with white lights and a wide red carpet covered the stairs all the way down to the edge of the sidewalk. As the two Shitennou began brushing shoulders with the other well-dressed attendants who were filing into the lobby Zoisite felt a rush of excitement.

"It's like a movie premiere!" Zoisite said and rubbed his hands together in feverish anticipation. Jadeite just rolled his eyes.

They walked up the stairs behind several other couples and saw that there were a few men standing nearby holding electronic wands ushering people through metal detectors. Once Jadeite and Zoisite were safely through they made their way to another doorway where a man with a large leather-bound book was checking reservations. Zoisite straightened his suit with a tug and confidently approached.

"Good evening." The gentleman standing at the door greeted them and gave a longer-than-necessary glance at Jadeite's hair and outfit.

"Good evening to you, sir!" Zoisite immediately greeted the man cordially.

"Your reservation is for…" the man asked and waited for a response.

"We didn't bring the paper, I hope that's not a problem." Zoisite said and scrunched his face into a horribly sweet smile, "We're representing the local LGBT advocacy council." He shoved Jadeite forward to stand next to him, "Me and my partner here. Lesbian and gay rights; workplace equality, you know, that sort of thing."

Jadeite's fists were concealed in his pockets, but they had tightened to the point that he would have been bending steel. His considerable willpower allowed him to continue smiling noncommittally and just went right along with whatever Zoisite was saying. Even when Zoisite wound his arm around Jadeite's and pulled him closer he didn't flinch.

"It's our first time attending this year." Zoisite explained rapid-fire to the doorman, "I'm hoping to absorb _so much_ and it's for such a good cause. I'm sure there are plenty of interesting men, er… I mean _people_ to mix and mingle with. I'm sure we'll have a _fabulous_ time, won't we Jed?"

"Fabulous." Jadeite answered back through clenched teeth.

"Coat check is on the right." The doorman said plainly and offered a small red bag made of reflective material to each of them, "Have a nice evening."

"Oh how cute!" Zoisite squeaked as he took his bag and flicked the green satin bow. The doorman cracked an uneasy smile and waved them through.

As soon as they were inside the building, out of earshot and away from prying eyes Jadeite grabbed Zoisite by the shoulder and threw him through a door into an unoccupied restroom.

"What the fuck?" he whispered as loud as he could.

"Did it work?" Zoisite snapped right back.

"That's not the point!" Jadeite argued, "We're a gay couple? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Don't be so uptight, Jadeite, Jesus…" Zoisite complained and crossed his arms, "Seriously, you can be as obtuse as Nephrite sometimes."

"You could have let me in your plan for fuck's sake." Jadeite fumed and pulled the earring out of his ear in one quick motion, "God almighty, this is really the best idea you could come up with?"

"This society is terrified of anything that could incriminate them and upset their delicate little lives." Zoisite explained in the tone of a politician, "You think that guy at the door is going to risk turning us away because our names weren't on the list? He'd look like he was discriminating against the gay community."

"That was a long fucking gamble, Zoi." Jadeite told him and ripped the kerchief from around his neck and stuffed it in his pocket, "Do you have an extra tie?"

Zoisite huffed mightily but nevertheless fished around in his pockets and produced a plain black tie for Jadeite. Obviously he had anticipated his companion's reaction and planned accordingly. Zoisite was sneaky and underhanded at times, but not exactly cruel. Jadeite stood in front of the mirror and tied his tie while Zoisite leaned against the nearby wall examining his nails.

"So what do you think we should do?" Jadeite asked as he tucked his tie down into his vest.

"I plan on making a few new friends while I'm here." Zoisite informed his companion, "There's no telling what sorts of opportunities can present themselves when there's this many philanthropists and entrepreneurs in one place."

"I was asking more along the lines of what to do about Kunzite." Jadeite clarified.

"Maybe we should try to avoid him." Zoisite suggested, "You know, don't call attention to ourselves."

"Well that makes for a pretty boring evening." Jadeite returned, "And I think we've already drawn plenty of attention with our entrance stunt."

"I'm not going to argue about it anymore." Zoisite dismissed him, "What do you say we get in there and see if Kunzite and Usagi are even here yet?"

"Fine by me." Jadeite agreed.

He followed Zoisite out into the lobby again and fell in with the crowd of suits and expensive gowns that filtered into the main room. The floor was richly tiled and the ceiling vaulted to impressive heights and was decorated with murals of elegant art-deco cities and exaggerated figures locked in a 1950's vision of the future. The walls were lined with metallic-accented, geometric reliefs. Several large, artificial Christmas trees were set up around the edges of the room decorated with white lights and topped with large gold and red bows which had long, streamer-like tails that draped over the boughs. Tables were set up on either side with a large straight bar at one end of a large dance floor where guests were currently standing and chatting. The big band orchestra was just setting up on a stage to the left of the bar.

"I don't see Kunzite." Jadeite said, "But I do see the bar."

"I'm going to go get us a seat at a table before they all fill up." Zoisite mentioned and tugged on Jadeite's jacket sleeve, "Get me something, too. Champagne or something lighter."

"Will do, chief." Jadeite agreed and his currently spiky blonde hair disappeared into the crowd of predominantly black suits and ties. Zoisite leaned back on one foot and took in a deep breath. It had been a long time since he had experienced anything that could be remotely considered cultured or classy. A slow smile spread across his face.

"Showtime!"

* * *

Mamoru caught a glimpse of Zoisite's unmistakable wheat-colored hair through the crowd and he grimaced. His colleagues from the charity he was representing asked if there was a problem with the champagne and he politely excused himself from their company. Rei was standing next to him looking rather perturbed despite her elegant appearance in a Christmas-red v-neck dress. It featured a sash across her waist secured by a gold clasp on one side.

"Mamoru, I really do appreciate the gesture." Rei told him as nicely as she could, "But I have to tell you that I feel completely out of place."

"What?" Mamoru asked showing his lack of attention.

"Why did you bring me here?" she shot right to the point feeling the need to put him in his place.

"You just need to loosen up a bit." Mamoru completely dodged the question and snatched her half-empty champagne glass out of her hand, "I'll get you another."

Before she could protest he dove into the crowd in front of the bar and was gone. She was just about to collect her coat from the check-in and storm out when a familiar face appeared in front of her grinning like a schoolboy.

"You!" she gasped sounding unintentionally accusatory.

"Miss Rei, isn't it?" Jadeite greeted her and presented her with one of the glasses of champagne he held, the one that was intended for Zoisite before this happy accident, "I must say I didn't expect to see you here. How is Ares doing?"

"Very well, thank you." She said and took the offered champagne, "I guess owning a place like the Four Kings can get you into a lot of these kind of events?"

"Yes, we took the night off." Jadeite quipped, "Let the city do the work for a change." Rei offered a good-natured chuckle and Jadeite forced an over-the-top laugh, "What about you?"

"I'm actually here with someone." Rei told him.

"Really?" Jadeite asked and felt his night already begin to turn for the worse.

"Your friend, Mamoru." She informed him and Jadeite's eyebrows shot straight up.

"Mamoru?" he asked, "I didn't realize you two knew each other that well."

"We don't." Rei assured him somewhat quickly, "To be honest, I don't really know why I'm here. He asked me out of the blue yesterday and, well… it's not like I had anything else planned."

"Still, that's a bit sudden isn't it?" Jadeite asked her.

"It doesn't bother me that it's sudden, I just don't know what he's after." Rei explained, "I barely know him; I don't even know his last name. I'm not sure why I accepted his invitation."

"I'm sure Mamoru's intentions are entirely honorable." Jadeite said slipping into a very well-rehearsed role of devil's advocate. He excelled at this sort of maneuver.

"To tell you the truth he's acting like an ass." Rei told him. Obviously her stubborn nature translated over into being very direct and no-nonsense, "I don't think he's intentionally ignoring me, but I feel like I'm just an accessory here."

"That's awful." Jadeite sympathized in an overly dramatic way, "A beautiful, sophisticated woman like you? I thought Mamoru was more of a gentleman than that."

Rei was not one to suffer such an obvious attempt at flattery and she immediately put an end to it: "You don't have to brown-nose quite so hard… Jadeite, was it?"

"Uh… yes." He replied meekly.

"If you want to play devil's advocate with me that's fine." She said and shot him a fiery antagonizing look, "Just don't pretend like it's actually getting you somewhere."

"I don't imagine that you date very often." Jadeite surmised as he attempted to gather the pieces of his shattered pride. His sympathetic ear routine wasn't going to work on her; time to shuffle the deck.

"I don't." She confirmed, "I don't need sweet nothing's whispered in my ear. I don't want dinner or roses or any of the other bullshit." This outburst sounded like it was a long time coming with no one to vent it upon, "I don't want people dancing circles around me being polite and telling me how their entire life revolves around making me happy."

"Okay." Jadeite said. He wasn't necessarily agreeing, but he found that pretending to agree with her would likely be the most expeditious course to a conclusion of this conversation without escalating to bodily harm.

"Okay?" she balked at how easily he caved, "What does that mean?"

"It means that I'm obviously not what you're looking for in a potential relationship so I'm just not going to bother trying." Jadeite told her playing the passive-aggressive angle, "But if you'd like to chat as friends you can come join me at my table. I'm sure you and Zoisite could talk for hours about how you both hate men like me."

"Zoisite? You mean the person you were with when you dropped off Ares?" Rei asked and Jadeite nodded affirmative, "I thought he _was_ a man."

"He is." Jadeite replied, "Zoisite isn't picky about who he hates."

That finally got a laugh out of Rei and Jadeite's tension eased considerably. When they first met it was her obvious beauty that struck him, but now getting to speak to her one on one he found that there was considerable work to be done if he was going to get any further than simply being a target for her acerbic wit.

"Maybe if I can pull away from Mamoru." Rei said, "What table are you at?"

"I don't know." Jadeite replied honestly and pointed to his head, "Just look for this stupid hairdo."

"I was going to ask about that." Rei mentioned with a swirl of her champagne.

"Please don't." Jadeite pleaded and backed his way into the crowd, "See you!"

Rei waved at him as he skittered his way back across the dance floor to his table on the far side of the room. He was a good distance away and with Mamoru so obviously distracted she could probably go join Jadeite and spend the whole evening over there without her legitimate date ever knowing, but Rei wasn't ready to commit to that either.

"Sorry." Mamoru said as he stumbled his way through the crowd with another glass of champagne, "Oh, you've already got one?"

"I'm sure I'll need another." Rei told him and clinked her glass against his. She drank deeply.

* * *

The limo pulled up to the stairs of the hotel and deposited Nephrite and Lita at the front doors. They were already a bit tipsy from homemade holiday _boilo_ at Lita's house and the needless amount of liquor that was provided in the limo. They were laughing at every possible thing that could count as humorous and while they weren't exactly stumbling they were definitely off their collective center of gravity. Nephrite stopped long enough to compose himself and approach the man checking the guest list.

"Your name, sir?" He was asked by the same man who admitted Jadeite and Zoisite.

"Kunzite." Nephrite replied and Lita cocked her eyebrow at him, "Four Kings Bar and Grill. This is my guest for the evening, Usagi."

"Hello." Lita replied playing along as best she could.

"Yes, here we are." The doorman checked off Kunzite's name on the guest list and handed them both one of the small red bags, "Thank you for coming. Enjoy yourselves this evening."

"Thank you." Nephrite returned politely and they made their way into the hall.

"That was a bit of a dick move, wasn't it?" Lita whispered as they entered the large ballroom.

"That's what he gets for stiffing us." Nephrite replied and immediately he caught a glimpse of Jadeite sitting at a large round table by himself, "Over here."

He led Lita towards the table where his colleague sat. Nephrite wound up as hard as he could and smacked Jadeite so hard on the back that he spit the champagne he had in his mouth back into the glass and started coughing like had tuberculosis. Some of the guests nearby chuckled and one or two of them offered less than professional remarks about Nephrite's less than professional behavior.

"Ass." Was all Jadeite could muster as he continued coughing up champagne.

"Good evening to you too, Jed." Nephrite said smugly and pulled out a seat for Lita, "You remember Miss Lydia Tanner, don't you."

"Lita. Nice to see you again." She introduced herself and shook Jadeite's hand politely. He coughed and nodded in return.

"Where's Zoisite?" Nephrite asked as he looked around the room.

"He disappeared into the crowd." Jadeite replied tersely as it still hurt to speak.

"Good for him!" Nephrite said in a congratulatory manner, "I was afraid he'd spend the whole night sulking when he saw how much more successful all these people were than he is."

"I just ran into Rei, the girl who's taking care of Ares." Jadeite brought Nephrite up to speed, "She's here with Mamoru of all people."

"Yeah, I heard Zoisite earlier today talking about Mamoru on the phone." Nephrite recalled, "He's involved with whatever charity is hosting this, isn't he?"

"I think so." Jadeite laughed, "I guess we should pay more attention to the details of his life, huh?"

"Seriously." Nephrite laughed along with him.

"What does that mean?" Lita asked. The joke was obviously lost on her.

"Nothing." Nephrite continued snickering, "It's a long story."

Lita rolled her eyes at the obvious inside joke that she wasn't privy to. Nephrite looked out into the sea of suits and faces to try to pinpoint Zoisite, but wherever he was he didn't want to be spotted. He did, however, pick up on a familiar close-cut crop of jet black hair with dark blue highlights. Sure enough it was Ami and their favorite patron Andrew at her side. Nephrite stood up from the table and loudly hollered over to the duo.

"Hey, Andy!"

He caught the attention of everyone in the room including Andrew and Ami who waved where they stood and quietly made their way over to the table.

"Well, well!" Andy announced and reached out to shake hands with Jadeite, Nephrite and Lita, "The gang's all here, huh?"

"Nice to see you, Andy." Lita said politely and Andrew nodded back at her with a smile.

"Very nice to see you all again." Ami offered to the table.

"Jadeite I don't think you've met Ami." Nephrite said and motioned to the woman at Andy's side wearing a very unassuming dark blue dress.

"No, I haven't." Jadeite said and stood up to shake Ami's hand lightly, "Jadeite, at your service."

"A pleasure." She greeted him affectionately.

"Sit down, join us!" Nephrite offered and the two new guests obliged them, "What brings you to this shindig?"

"Ami's a partner at her law firm." Andy told the table, "She gets invited to these things every year."

"I thought I'd bring Andrew along to thank him for the dinner he treated me to a few weeks ago." Ami chimed in.

"Plus I thought I might donate a bit of cash from my settlement to this charity." Andrew said proudly, "You know, try to start building up some positive karma."

"What charity is this in support of, anyway?" Lita asked. The Shitennou were equally oblivious.

"It's an urban redevelopment trust." Ami explained, "It's completely volunteer and donation supported. It involves the rehabilitation of abandoned urban areas, industrial parks and landfills. That sort of thing."

"I wonder how Mamoru got involved with this charity." Jadeite thought aloud. Nephrite just shrugged.

"Anybody try the champagne yet?" Andrew asked and Jadeite nodded enthusiastically.

Everyone at the table laughed and that was the moment that Zoisite reappeared from the crowd with a stupidly huge smile beaming on his face. The two seated Shitennou exchanged worried looks as Zoisite plunked himself down in the seat between Lita and Jadeite.

"Something on your mind, Zoi?" Jadeite asked with a sideways glance.

"You have no idea how many of these rich old bastards are hitting on me." Zoisite exclaimed practically rocking in his seat from the excitement, "I might be able to walk out of here the heir to a half-dozen company fortunes."

"You're excited that wealthy old men are mistaking you for a woman?" Nephrite asked incredulously.

"This has nothing to do with being male or female." Zoisite corrected, "These old guys are mostly widowers or never married in the first place. They devoted their whole lives to their work and now they have no friends or family. They're not looking for anything sexual; they just want someone to spend their last, lonely days with."

"You're not seriously thinking of using someone like that?" Lita paled at the suggestion and Nephrite sensed that her anger was about to flare.

"No, I don't think I could be that cruel." Zoisite said and she thankfully settled down again, "I'm just finding it rather flattering." He took a sip of Jadeite's champagne which sat unattended and was rewarded with a disapproving scowl, "Oh! Hello Miss Health Inspector."

"Lita, you remember Zoisite." Nephrite reintroduced the two and they shook hands.

"A pleasure." Lita said less than sincerely.

"And this is Andrew and Ami, you probably recognize them from the Bar & Grill." Nephrite continued going down the table and they both politely said hello.

"Nice to see you." Zoisite returned and then drummed his fingers on the table, "So when's dinner?"

"Not soon enough." An angry voice spoke from behind the table and they all whirled around to see Kunzite staring down at them.

"Oh, hey!" Jadeite greeted excitedly, "You made it!"

"Which one of you jackasses used my name to get in?" he demanded and stared straight at Nephrite.

"Sorry." Nephrite replied not apologizing in the least, "They asked for a name and I just drew a blank."

"Yeah, well you're going to be drawing me a check when we get back home." Kunzite grumbled, "I had to pay double to get in. This dinner wasn't free you know? It was $150 per person paid in advance."

"Well this had better be a hell of a dinner then." Nephrite announced ignoring Kunzite's obvious implication. The silver-haired Shitennou just shook his head and sighed.

"Come on, don't be such a sour-puss." Zoisite coaxed and tugged on Kunzite's sleeve, "Sit down and have a drink with us. It'll be just like old times!"

"Yeah, take a load off big guy." Andrew offered and he was met by a perplexed and decidedly dismissive look from the eldest Shitennou.

"Thanks, but I'm here with someone." Kunzite stated and looked around sheepishly.

"Where is Usagi anyway?" Jadeite asked and Kunzite's eyes went wide, "What, dude? She told us that you asked her out."

"Great." He mumbled.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of." Nephrite assured his elder.

"She's just running a bit late." Kunzite told them, "Weird since she left the restaurant early." He glowered at the other Shitennou, "Apparently _everyone _left the restaurant early."

"It was dead and you know it. We'll be lucky if we break even today." Nephrite told him and kicked out an empty chair at the table that seated a dozen, "Come on and sit down."

Kunzite grumbled to himself again and reluctantly plopped down in the chair with his arms crossed over his chest. Nephrite gave him a solid slap on the shoulder and refocused his attention on Lita who seemed perfectly content to observe and chuckle at their juvenile antics. Even their impromptu guests in Andrew and Ami seemed right at home joining the party-crashing Shitennou at their ill-gotten table.

Jadeite polished off the rest of his champagne in one gulp and declared, "I'll go get more booze."

* * *

Usagi and Mina sat inside Mina's Mini Cooper around the corner from the front of the hotel. They watched Kunzite arrive and were now counting off the minutes waiting for at least an hour to pass before Mina made her fashionably late entrance. She was wearing one of Usagi's unadorned white dresses. Her hair was styled in twin pigtails and she was wearing enough makeup for the entire cast of a Broadway musical. At a cursory glance no one would have been able to tell the young women apart, but the illusion wasn't complete and now they were beginning to question the sanity of their plot altogether.

"Maybe we should just call it off." Usagi suggested.

"I sat through one of the most grueling makeup sessions of my life for this." Mina retorted, "We're not going to back off now."

"He's going to see right through this." Usagi whined and buried her face in her palms, "I don't know why I thought he was stupid enough to fall for this stunt."

"Hey, I'm the one taking all the risk here." Mina reminded her, "After all, he might just fall for it."

"And then where does that leave you?" Usagi asked and shoved her face back into her hands, "I'm such a terrible person."

"Why?" Mina demanded, "Because this guy creeps you out and you want a little revenge? Please…" Mina shook her head and leaned it on her best friend's shoulder, "You could have asked me to sneak into his house tomorrow morning and piss in his Cheerio's and I still would have done it."

"Stop it." Usagi laughed in spite of herself.

"I'm serious." Mina reinforced her position, "No one gets away with making my Bunny feel uncomfortable on my watch. I'll always have your back."

"Thank you, Mina." Usagi turned to her friend with a smile.

"I'm sorry, what?" Mina asked and tilted her ear towards her. Usagi grimaced and sighed.

"Thank you Mina, goddess of love and beauty."

"Okay, now I heard you." She remarked and double-checked the time, "Alright, I think it's about time for me to head in."

They both got out of the car, but before Mina could make her way towards the hotel entrance Usagi stopped her and spun her around.

"Be careful." She asked.

"Usagi." Mina laid her hands on her friend's shoulders, "It's just dinner."

"I know…" Usagi said and her hand traced the golden links of the chain around her neck, "Here, take this."

She undid the clasp and pulled the chain and her silver crystal pendant off. When she offered it to Mina she put her hand up and refused.

"Usagi, you can't make me look any more like you." Mina told her.

"Take it; it's always brought me good luck." She asked and offered the silver crystal again.

"That's just it." Mina replied, "You wear this thing constantly. I've never seen you go a day without it, even when you're just lounging around the house."

"It's just a necklace, Mina."

"Not for you it isn't." Mina reminded her friend, "I know you put more value on people than you do on things, Usagi, but this necklace is special to you. I know it is."

"You're right, it _is_ special." Usagi told her, "It's special enough for you to notice that I never take it off. And Mina, if _you _noticed it, I'm sure Kunzite would as well."

"Ha ha ha." Mina issued her unenthusiastic laughter and grabbed the silver crystal pendant, "You owe me so fucking huge for this."

"I know."

Mina attached the clasp of the necklace around her slim neck and let it hang down near the cut of her dress where it sparkled in the light of the street lamps and the Christmas lights. As soon as she put it on Usagi noticed that Mina's disguise was no longer a simple hairdo and heavy makeup job. She looked _**exactly**_ like her, as if Usagi were staring into a life-sized three-dimensional mirror. She couldn't help but envision Mamoru standing next to her perfect duplicate. She didn't know where the image came from, but she wasn't about to force it away. Mina turned away with a grin and was around the corner before Usagi could stop her.

"Oh god…" she nearly broke down and cried on the sidewalk, "What have I done?"


	23. Your Mama Don't Dance

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Your Mama Don't Dance

Nephrite had his hands cupped around his mouth and he was loudly whispering _"Oooh's!"_ and _"Ahhh's!"_ to mimic the sound of a large crowd. The volume of the big band playing on the other side of the room muffled his voice almost perfectly. Andrew was seated directly across from Jadeite and he had his hands propped up on the table with his thumbs and forefingers placed to mimic a football goal post. Jadeite was busily adjusting his aim with a small, paper football made out of a napkin.

"It's 27-28 at the Meadowlands." He said to himself as he squinted with one eye, "Fourth down, Giants at the sixty-five yard line. Eight seconds left on the clock, no time-outs."

"This is so embarrassing." Zoisite whined and tried to shrivel up into his lapels as tightly as he could.

"Boys will be boys." Ami roundly agreed. Zoisite raised an eyebrow at the comment, but otherwise paid the soft-spoken, bookish woman little heed.

"The Eagles defense has pinned down the running game in the second half." Jadeite continued narrating ignoring everything around him especially Zoisite, "Rookie punter Matt Dodge is brought in to attempt the sixty-five yard field goal."

"Dodge ain't got shit." Andrew announced derisively.

"He pulls back…" Jadeite continued and moved to flick the paper football, "Here's the kick!"

He pelted the triangle-shaped wad of paper with his middle finger and, unfortunately for his tabletop tournament, the kick flew wide straight over Andrew's right shoulder and into the crowd of people whirling about on the dance floor. He distinctly heard a woman gasp as the paper football hit her in the side of the head. Jadeite immediately turned to Nephrite, covered half of his face with his hand and pretended to be deep in conversation. Andrew's face reddened from suppressing his laughter.

"And the Eagles take home another W." Nephrite chortled, "Tom Coughlin is shitting himself in the locker room and threatening to call in favors from big brother Peyton to work over Eli Manning with a shoe horn."

"Wow. Incestuous undertones and all." Andrew commented with a laugh, "You're a true master."

"Thank you for your interest." Nephrite stated and clinked his champagne glass off Andy's. He downed the whole thing in one slurp, "This shit is like water." He added the empty glass to the considerable pile already on the table.

"We should see if we can just get a couple bottles tossed our way instead of going up for glass after glass." Jadeite suggested, "Whose turn is it?"

"I lost track after six or seven rounds." Lita mentioned and had to steady her speech by talking rather slowly. Nephrite found it hilarious.

"I vote Kunzite." Jadeite said and threw his hand in the air.

"Second!" Followed Nephrite.

"Third!" Zoisite added.

"I'll get the next round when I'm ready." Kunzite grumbled unhappily and took the smallest possible sip from his half-full glass just to be a prick. He had already downed more glasses than anyone else at the table, but thanks to his staunch, poker-face approach to social situations it didn't show… yet.

"Do we get votes?" Andrew asked and motioned to Ami and himself.

"No, you're not part of the inner sphere." Nephrite told him, "There is a lengthy interview and evaluation process to be fully accepted into our ranks."

"What kind of process?" Andy asked inebriated and intrigued.

"It's a point system." Jadeite informed him, "See, each of us has twenty-five _friendship points_ for a total of a hundred. Basically you would need to earn all of our points over a period of time and once you did that you would be admitted to our group."

"How do you earn the points?" Andy continued.

"Mainly by impressing us with brazen acts of superiority." Nephrite explained, "Say for example passing a physical challenge, usually liquor-related, or doing something that positively affects the group like weaseling us better seats at a concert."

"Hmm…" Andrew seriously began to ponder this concept and scratched his chin.

"Friendship points?" Ami turned her nose up at the whole thing, "That's a little cold, isn't it?"

"They don't actually do this." Zoisite interjected, "They're making it all up."

"Like hell we are." Nephrite shot right back, "Zoisite, stop trying to impress Andy's date by being all moody and confrontational. I'd hate to have to beat you down in front of her."

"I'm not really his date." Ami said meekly. Nobody heard her.

"I'm not being moody you dick!" Zoisite screeched, "I'm actually having a good time tonight. What I don't need is to be associated with your juvenile bullshit while I'm here."

"Plenty of empty tables on the other side of the room." Nephrite mentioned and pointed across the floor with his fork.

"Kunzite, you agree with me, don't you?" Zoisite tried his best whine routine, "You don't want to be embarrassed by Abbot and Costello here any more than I do, right?"

Kunzite responded by letting out a loud belch that called the attention of several nearby tables and left the rest of the Shitennou slack-jawed in stunned silence for several seconds. The reserved, stoic king shrugged it off like it was nothing and took another sip of champagne.

"Bravo." Lita complimented him since everyone else at the table was apparently struck mute. Kunzite offered her the tiniest of smiles in return.

Zoisite was the one who noticed the change in Kunzite. Everyone was entertained by his sudden bodily expulsion, but Zoisite was the only one who was intrigued. Something about the eldest King was different tonight. Sure, he was grumpy because Nephrite stole his invitation, he was less than talkative and more than once looked like he was actually asleep, but something had ruffled Kunzite's feathers. That something arrived in the room only a moment later and the entire table took notice.

Usagi walked into the hall and made her way directly toward the table. Her huge blue eyes were trained on Kunzite and Zoisite noticed that she walked somewhat differently than she usually did at the Bar & Grill. Perhaps it was because of the length of her formal gown or the fact that she was wearing heels, but something seemed decidedly more confident about her. Zoisite's eyes zeroed in on the silver crystal pendant that always hung around her neck: the_ ginzuishou_. It was already glittering dazzlingly against the many chandelier lamps and Christmas tree lights. More than that, Usagi herself seemed to be radiating some sort of curious light as though _she_ were the one who was glowing.

"Woah." Jadeite voiced his opinion.

"Jesus, is that Usagi?" Nephrite joined in astonished.

"Hey!" Lita snapped and slugged him in the shoulder, "Quit staring like a jackass."

"Honestly, and close your mouths." Zoisite whispered under his breath to both Jadeite and Nephrite.

"She's beautiful!" Ami observed. Zoisite nodded in agreement; if the bookworm was impressed…

Kunzite was possibly the last one to notice her. As soon as his gaze hit her he jumped up from his chair, slammed his hip off the table, fell straight back down into his chair, and got up again while shrugging the whole thing off. The table behind him chuckled loudly in unison, but it might as well have been silent in Kunzite's world. As soon as she was near he reached out and clasped her hand tightly.

"You made it!" he rejoiced with a bit of a slur in his voice.

"Oh, well I wouldn't miss this for the world!" she announced. Something in her voice gave her away. Usagi, for some reason or another, had turned an about-face with Kunzite. This time it was not only Zoisite who noticed, but all the Shitennou.

"Glad you could join us tonight, Usagi." Nephrite greeted her cordially, "Pull up a chair."

"Thanks, guys!" she replied very casually. She was usually somewhat formal around the Shitennou. Maybe it was the relaxed setting of the dinner that put her at ease.

She eyed the pile of champagne glasses that had accumulated and let out a little chirp of laughter. She was in good spirits, which was completely unexpected. Jadeite offered a confused look to his companions who returned it promptly. Either Usagi's issues with Kunzite had magically vanished in the course of a few hours or her acting ability was astronomical. From what they remembered of her in the past they dismissed the latter option. Neither Serenity nor Sailor Moon was astronomical at _anything_ besides selfless acts of love and heroism. Nephrite laughed to himself despite; putting up with Kunzite was heroic enough.

No one doubted for a second that it wasn't actually Usagi. No one, that is, besides the girl who was pretending to be Usagi who, as the Shitennou surmised, was quite a talented actress.

Mina's heart was beating a mile a minute. In any other situation she probably would have been pacing in circles raving like a mad woman, but this was a social occasion. As a master of the social graces she let nothing slip through her composure, not even the flush of embarrassment that swept through her when she first laid eyes on Kunzite lounging with a glass of champagne in his hand in a fine tuxedo looking like a white-haired James Bond. What Usagi's problem was with this unbelievably handsome, industrious, mysterious, and presumably available gentleman she couldn't imagine. The plan was to break his heart; Mina was already working on a Plan B.

"I'll go get us some more champagne." Kunzite said and whirled away from the table with a spring in his step.

"No more for me, thanks!" Ami called after him, but he likely didn't hear her.

"Don't worry, babe, it looks like I need to catch up." Mina said and gestured to the table of empties.

"Really?" Nephrite leaned towards her with a question, "You don't strike me as the drinking type."

"Well, er, I mean…" Mina stumbled remembering Usagi was something of a lightweight. What the hell, they didn't know her that well yet… "I don't get wasted every night or anything."

"Oh, and I do?" Nephrite toyed with her.

"Yes." Jadeite and Zoisite answered in unison.

"You're probably going to have to put away a bottle by yourself to catch up." Nephrite told her ignoring his companion's jab.

"The night is young." She replied mischievously.

Nephrite gave her a wide, knowing smile and said, "I like your style."

"Please don't listen to him." Zoisite begged, "He will inadvertently kill you with booze."

"Shit, we should've brought a bottle of that _boilo_ with us." Nephrite said and laid a hand on Lita's shoulder, "Lita made this ridiculous holiday concoction earlier. It's like a hundred percent alcohol and tastes like honey."

"I've had that before." Andrew shivered, "It's rough stuff."

"Yeah, well Andy you never could handle your booze." Lita laughed, "Not back when we used to go sneaking Mad Dog behind the high school bleachers."

"Yeah, that's true." Andy reminisced with a smile. Nephrite was heartened to find that the two former combatants seemed to have found a truce, likely due to Nephrite's interference into Lita's previously erratic lifestyle.

"Ooh, did you two used to date each other?" Mina stuck her nose into the conversation in a very un-Usagi-like way.

"A long time ago." Andrew told her. He didn't get to explain further thanks to Kunzite's reappearance.

"Here, they just gave me two bottles." He presented the table with two identical bottles of Moet & Chandon.

"About frigging time." Jadeite exclaimed and enthusiastically grabbed one of the bottles and set about popping the cork. Kunzite worked the other open in a moment and poured two glasses for himself and who he thought was Usagi.

"Hey, you guys mind if I join you?" a voice asked from the side and everyone turned to see Rei standing nearby. Jadeite practically tripped over himself to greet her.

"Not at all!" he exuberantly replied and turned to the table, "You guys remember Rei, right? She's the one who owns our old dog!"

"Right, welcome!" Kunzite greeted her as well, "What brings you here tonight?"

"I'm here with your friend Mamoru." She replied with no small amount of irritation, "Although it would be more accurate to say I drove here with him in a car. I've barely seen him all night."

"Are you two dating?" Nephrite asked cutting straight to the point as was his Shitennou manner.

"No." Rei quickly responded, "Just a friendly gesture."

"How is Ares doing?" Zoisite asked preferring to focus on their _true_ prince and not Mamoru.

"He's just fine." She replied, "Probably at home being terrorized by my cat right now."

"Well come on and sit down!" Nephrite more or less ordered, bothered that her appearance delayed the distribution of more champagne, "Always room for one more at our table."

"Thank you." She replied and somewhat awkwardly sat down between Ami and the overly-excitable Jadeite.

"Pleased to meet you." Ami politely offered her hand and when Rei shook it, she felt a curious sensation, "I'm sorry, have we met before?"

"I don't think so." Rei replied.

"Actually, you do kind of look familiar to me too." Lita added from across the table.

"I get told that a lot." Rei answered looking a bit embarrassed, "I guess I just have one of those faces."

"It's a very pretty face." Jadeite laid it on thick. He was drunk; she let it slide.

Rei was visibly uncomfortable. She talked it off as being slightly nervous meeting new people, but it was a lie. The whole situation felt familiar to her and profound déjà vu was prevalent. Then she caught sight of a glittering silver pendant hanging around Mina's slim neck. She drew her eyes upward and locked her gaze with the blonde sitting across from her. Tension was present immediately and Mina reactively moved slightly closer to Kunzite, who didn't pick up on the electric charge building between the two women. Something sparked between them. It was not enough to be called recognition. A lingering sense of dread was a more apt description.

"I say we have a toast!" Andrew suggested and grabbed his champagne glass as he stood up. Mina was thankful for the interruption and she let out a small sigh of relief.

"Sounds good to me." Jadeite agreed. He stood as well and the rest of the table soon followed suit after their glasses had been topped off, "What are we drinking to?"

"I think a toast to new friends is in order." Kunzite offered and glanced down at Mina who seemed to pale under his gaze, "Is that okay?"

"That's just great." She replied dreamily as she took in deep eyes and a squared jaw.

"To new friends!" Andrew toasted and nine glasses touched in a chorus of good cheer.

Mina's eyes darted around the table as they drank. Rei wasn't the only one feeling awkward _"meeting new people." _She had this strange feeling from the moment she sat down: all these people seemed extremely familiar. Obviously she recognized the Four Kings from their Bar & Grill, but the other women at the table and even Andrew the recently endowed ex-realtor seemed unmistakably familiar. Strangest of all was her immediate, practically knee-jerk reaction to Kunzite. Usagi had told her that he was overbearing, leering, and in so many words, terrifying. To Mina he seemed perfectly normal; a bit uptight, but the champagne was doing wonders to loosen him up.

But still, when she would steal a glance at his gray eyes it was as if she were looking through a photo album. The sense of familiarity and warmth struck her hard. She had seen those eyes before and not just in her few visits to the Four Kings. She had expected to at least be nervous or intimidated considering she was impersonating her best friend just to break this man's heart, but instead she found only comfort and confidence. Mina was known as something of a flirt and had more than once been described by jealous rivals as, variously, a slut, whore, and gold-digger, but her usual innuendo-laced, sexually charged advances had practically evaporated. She barely knew this man, but somehow had the notion that with him she wouldn't need to make a grand show of herself.

The big band swelled behind them and the dancers out on the floor applauded as the song ended. Kunzite jumped up from the table and extended his hand in a courteous, chivalrous manner towards Mina.

"Care to dance, milady?" he asked properly.

"What?" Jadeite asked as his jaw hit the table.

"Oh, this I gotta see." Nephrite added. His hand flew to his pocket to retrieve his cell phone ready to record video or snap pictures.

Mina's heart fluttered and her stomach did a bit of a flip. No one had ever managed to melt her so completely in so short a time, but Kunzite, by virtue of chivalry, a strange sense of familiarity and those steel-gray eyes were doing just that. She got up, curtsied, and said, "I'd love to, kind sir."

They were on the floor in moments dancing a moderately paced waltz. Jadeite's eyes were wider than saucers. He didn't even know Kunzite knew how to dance, let alone would partake in the activity outside the confines of their own home. Zoisite was just as mystified. Kunzite hadn't openly tried to have fun at a formal affair in… ever? He rubbed his eyes to make sure he was wide awake and coherent. Mina followed Kunzite's expert lead and soon they had the other dancers giving them a wide berth. It was strange enough that he could dance at all, but why the hell was he so _good _at it?

"How in the hell does he do it?" Jadeite grumbled and fiddled with a napkin to try to distract himself.

"I don't know." Zoisite answered still transfixed by the eldest king's actions, "Just a few hours ago she couldn't stand to be around him."

"Maybe he drugged her." Jadeite joked. No one found his remark terrifically amusing.

Lita stood up next. Nephrite was laughing to himself and following Kunzite's movements on his cell phone as he recorded his elder companion so he didn't notice his date rise. She reached down and snapped the phone shut with one hand.

"Stand up, soldier." She ordered with a grin.

"Yes ma'am?" He answered appropriately and gave her a mock salute. She only chuckled and Nephrite instinctively took her hand in his and led her out onto the dance floor.

"Andrew, would you like to dance?" Ami asked somewhat mechanically. She seemed eager, but it also seemed like it was expected of her to ask.

"Ehh… I'm sorry Ami; I'm not much of a dancer." He apologized with a shrug, "And I'm not just saying that, I honestly can't dance worth crap. I'd make you look bad."

"Oh." She replied a bit sadly, "That's okay, then."

"Oh hell…" Zoisite groaned and slid backward in his chair, "Come on, let's go."

"I'm sorry?" Ami asked.

"Well I'm certainly not going to dance by myself." Zoisite told her with a flourish of his copper mane, "I'm rather quite good. I mean, if it's okay with your boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?" Ami gasped and her worried eyes shot towards Andrew.

"She's not really—" Andrew answered.

"I'm not really—" Ami doubled his reply.

"Good!" Zoisite didn't wait for a full explanation. He more or less grabbed Ami by the wrist and pulled her out onto the dance floor. Andrew laughed at the spectacle even though he felt slightly awkward about the whole lack-of-girlfriend thing.

Jadeite and Rei sat next to each other watching the couples dancing on the floor and drinking their champagne. They didn't say a word. Jadeite didn't need to actually talk; his eyes were speaking volumes. They barely left her svelte figure and only did in those brief moments when she checked to see if he was staring at her. Finally Rei set her champagne flute down on the table and turned her neck to stare at the young blonde Shitennou.

"Hmm?" He asked with a mouthful of bubbly.

"Are you waiting for anything in particular?" the fiery woman demanded.

Jadeite swallowed his champagne and asked, "Waiting for what?"

"Good lord." She deadpanned, "You're not really this thick-headed are you?"

Jadeite glanced past her towards the dance floor and then met eyes with her again, "What, you want to dance?"

"No, I'd rather sit here and have you stare at me for the rest of the night." Rei returned.

"I'm sorry." Jadeite apologized thinly, "I didn't think you'd be up for it; especially not with me considering your behavior."

"My behavior?" Rei asked. Her temper started to flare like a struck match head.

"You're obviously a bit uncomfortable with this whole thing." Jadeite explained, "Honestly I didn't expect you to come over and join us at all." Jadeite grinned a bit evilly, "Plus I got the feeling that you don't like men very much."

"Why, because I called Mamoru an ass?" She laughed, "I was just being truthful."

"Granted, that's true." Jadeite agreed, "But you haven't been very talkative and you seem to be acting suspicious of just about everyone at the table."

"Do you make a habit of analyzing everyone this closely?" She growled.

"Just the ones I find interesting." Jadeite answered without missing a beat.

Rei had a veritable laundry-list of behavior she didn't approve of. Being analyzed was way up at the top; being analyzed by a strange man that she barely knew ranked slightly lower than suicide. Still, she wasn't exactly angry at Jadeite, more than anything she felt a bit more relaxed than she had been all night. Sure, he was being an undeniable jerk, but it was serving to put her at ease. Strange considering it usually worked in the opposite direction. Despite her natural predilection to keeping her emotions to herself she smiled. It wasn't one of her generic just-for-show smiles that she usually wore. This one was real. Jadeite was nearly bowled over by it. He had _seen_ that smile before…

"So are we going to do this or what?" Rei asked again.

Jadeite immediately grabbed her hand and bowed as though he was a knight and she was his princess. His sudden shift in attitude was not lost on the raven-haired woman. He left all of his juvenile antics and pick up lines back at his seat. Soon they were on the dance floor moving in time to the waltz. Rei's eyes gave nothing away, but Jadeite knew instinctively that she felt the same familiarity. He was on autopilot when it came to the dance and her mind was racing through memories and engrams trying to find the source of her déjà vu, but it wouldn't come. It was his smile that did it, that reminded her. She would just have to dance with him until she figured it out.

And so they danced.

It wasn't a world-altering event by any stretch of the imagination. Nephrite and Lita, drunk as they both were, drew plenty of nasty looks and engendered a general atmosphere of ire, but they were clearly having the most fun of any couple on the floor. In fact, they were closer to being a couple than a good number of well-to-do attendees. Rei and Jadeite spent a good amount of time arguing over who should lead. Zoisite's dance moves, though well-rehearsed and well-executed, would have been much more appropriate in a venue where the floor lit up and the room was dark and saturated with fog that smelled like the inside of an Abercrombie & Finch store. Ami commented as much.

However, on one side of the floor far from the rest of the Shitennou, there was Kunzite and Mina. Zoisite, continually interested in prying into his companion's lives, had lost sight of the eldest King. The band had drifted through a waltz or two and a tango to liven things up, but now they had shifted gears to a slow ballad. The towering Shitennou and his radiant, golden-haired companion danced close and slow to the soft strains of the big band's sweet melody.

Kunzite had not wanted to face this reality before now, but as he looked down and saw Usagi's head pressed against his chest, felt her arms around him, and breathed in her scent he finally understood: something was wrong with him. The thought didn't cross his mind while the other Shitennou teased him. He didn't consider it when he silently accepted the fact that he was indeed attracted to Usagi. He didn't ponder it earlier that day when he asked her out for what anyone would label as a first date. It wasn't a bit of a taboo simply because he was her boss; no… it was wrong on cosmic levels. She was the Princess. She _belonged_ with Endymion, his Prince and Master. The pride of his station as a noble Shitennou got the better of him.

"Usagi, hang on." Kunzite said and stopped rigidly in place.

"What's wrong?" Mina asked, her eyes full of wonder and worry. For the time they had been dancing she'd practically forgotten herself. Kunzite had a peculiar, sense-dulling effect on her. Or maybe it was just the champagne…

"I think, maybe, we should call it a night." Kunzite admitted with no small amount of difficulty.

"I'm not that crappy of a dancer, am I?" she pouted adorably.

"No, of course not, it isn't that." He said and scratched the back of his head while awkwardly looking around. He was sweating a bit, "I just don't think it was the best idea for me to… you know…"

"I know what?"

"You, uh…" Kunzite stalled. There was no easy way to say this, so he fell back on the convenient cop-out, "I'm your boss."

"So?"

"So I don't really think I should be taking you out to fancy dinners and dancing with you." Kunzite replied, "It's unprofessional."

"Most fun things in life are unprofessional." Mina answered. She was nothing if not spirited and insightful into people's emotional points of view.

"It's not just that." He confessed, "I can't explain it."

Mina bit her lip. Things were going well until a moment ago. Kunzite obviously had some sort of baggage… an ex-girlfriend, maybe, perhaps even an ex-wife? Usagi described him as being overbearing and creepy. Tonight he had been little more than, well, drunk, but now he was acting somewhat vulnerable. She wouldn't have expected that from a man of his stoic reputation. Maybe she was playing her angle a bit too well. She suddenly wanted to comfort him; maybe it was because of how much she resembled Usagi that replaced her natural flirtatious tenacity with compassion. For a moment she even wanted to come clean with him that she wasn't who he thought she was, just so Kunzite could stop beating himself up over the employer / employee debacle.

"I know you don't have a terribly high opinion of me." Kunzite continued talking, "My, er, friends always tease me about it. They say I act weird around you."

"Don't worry about it, Kunzite." She said. She was already writing the night off as a loss. Usagi would be upset that she couldn't follow through with their plan to smash Kunzite's heart into tiny slivers, but that was neither here nor there.

"Hey now, it's not your fault." Kunzite assured her and bent down to be eye-level with the young pigtailed woman. The reflection of the silver crystal around her neck sparkled in his eyes. A sensation that could only be described as energy built up inside them both.

Suddenly a pair of dancers collided with Mina who, along with Kunzite, had just stopped dead in the middle of a crowded dance floor. She was thrown forward. His keen reflexes caught her instantly, but not before their faces came together. Their noses touched, scrunched, and their lips met. Mina couldn't help herself. She quickly adjusted the angle of her head and before Kunzite could protest she forced her lips into his again. That was all that was needed for the greatest of the Shitennou, the duty-bound, honorable Kunzite to break. He kissed her back. He grabbed her in his arms so tightly she had trouble breathing. It was a simple thing, lips touching, breaths escaping quickly from their nostrils, but it set off a complex string of emotions the likes of which neither of them had experienced before.

Kunzite's eyes scanned the perimeter and he spotted a doorway. He pulled away from her and Mina followed his every move. They were through the door into what appeared to be a sitting room and Kunzite locked the door behind them. For added good measure he called upon his prodigious strength and bent the doorknob at an angle all but guaranteeing that no one would be able to get in. The room was dark. He couldn't find a light switch. It didn't really matter considering that Mina was positively glowing and roving hands soon sought out buttons and zippers seams. A pile of mismatched outerwear piled around them.

Kunzite's eyes adjusted to the dark quickly Good lord, she was stunningly beautiful. Kunzite was never one to put much notice into the subtleties of the human form, but seeing Mina –Usagi, he thought—like this somehow it occurred to him why women inspired the great artists throughout history. Botticelli's _Venus_ was immediately called to his mind. He almost didn't want to touch her. Mina had quite the opposite approach. There was a couch near where they were standing. She pushed him down onto it and practically attacked him.

"Venus…" Kunzite purred into the nape of her neck.

"That's not my name." Mina cooed back and tugged his hair for good measure.

"It should be."

Kunzite's conscience was howling like a maelstrom. Every ounce of his not inconsiderable good sense was screaming at him to stop, but his body was moving faster than his brain could keep up. He had spent so long bottling up his emotions, playing the rock of the Shitennou and keeping everyone at arm's length that this moment, this one moment of release, could not be stopped for anything. He hazarded a guess that even if Mamoru somehow staggered into the room right now with a half dozen knives in his back he wouldn't be able to stop himself. Mina's tongue probed the lobe of his left ear, something she instinctively knew he would like, and Kunzite gave up trying to hold back. He grabbed her by the arms, flipped her over and his lips made their way down.

"Usagi, I can't tell you how long I've thought about this." Kunzite said woozily. The words sounded strange. His conscience was panging him with guilt and terrible promises of regret to come, but none of it was getting through.

The heat of the moment blasted away Mina's sense of decorum, "Shut up and fuck me."

Never one to shy away from a direct order, Kunzite obliged.

And once more for good measure.


	24. Your Daddy Don't Rock and Roll

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Your Daddy Don't Rock & Roll

"Has anyone seen Kunzite?" Zoisite asked worriedly. The Shitennou and their guests had reclaimed their seats after their dance.

"Haven't seen him." Jadeite answered, "Or Usagi for that matter."

"Shit." Zoisite cursed. He hadn't forgotten what Ares had told him earlier. The phrase _"Has Kunzite lost his mind?"_ echoed in his memory, "Where the hell did they run off to?"

"Mmm... Maybe she seduced him and they're doing it in the back of a taxi?" Lita drawled drunkenly. She and Nephrite were pretty much useless as functioning adults at this point and just giggled like children as they knocked their heads together to support each other.

"God forbid." Zoisite answered with a shiver.

Their conversation was interrupted by the telltale sound of an amplifier humming and someone tapping on a microphone. The Shitennou and their guests turned towards the far end of the hall where a man in a tuxedo was positioning a podium and shuffling papers.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." He greeted the room, "At this time I would like you all to join me in welcoming our speaker for the evening." He paused and looked around, "Dr. Edwards?"

The room filled with applause while the Shitennou just shrugged and looked on somewhat annoyed. Zoisite propped his head up with a fist and pouted.

"What the hell is this, college again?" Jadeite whined, "Why is there a speaker at a dinner?"

"He's the president of the charity that's hosting the dinner." Ami whispered to him looking quite annoyed with the behavior of the Kings.

"I wish somebody had told us about this before." Zoisite groaned, "Now we'll look like assholes if we try to leave."

"Thank you all for coming this evening." The stocky, mustachioed man began his speech, "As I'm sure you know, the chamber of commerce is sponsoring this wonderful evening on behalf of the Post-Urban Revitalization Initiative."

There was even more applause, but it silence quickly. Zoisite wasn't paying attention to anything being said. He was still busily scanning the crowds trying to find any possible sign of their missing member. He had the sneaking suspicion that what Lita had drunkenly divined might be closer to the truth than he wanted.

"This year we have been able to expand our outreach and take the first major steps towards some of our larger projects." Edwards continued, "With your support by this time next year I hope to be at this podium announcing the reclamation of over twenty-five square miles of industrial wasteland and landfill."

Another round of enthusiastic applause rang out.

"Who the hell cares?" Jadeite complained under his breath and was rewarded by Rei with a smack in the arm.

"Shh!"

"Since when do we know each other well enough that you can just swat me and not expect recourse?" Jadeite threatened her and prepared to return her smack with either name-calling or hair-pulling.

"You're acting like a child." Rei warned him.

"I wasn't expecting a lecture tonight." He pouted and crossed his arms. Rei grinned victoriously out of the side of her mouth that he couldn't see.

"So what do you think, want to try to sneak out?" Nephrite asked quietly. Andrew shook his head; he was staying. The rest of the occupants of the table seemed eager except Rei who remained silent.

"I still don't see Kunzite anywhere." Zoisite mentioned.

"He's a big boy; he can take care of himself." Lita reminded the other Kings.

"Yeah, I'm sure he'll turn up." Nephrite added.

* * *

The couch had served its purpose only for a few moments before they found themselves on the floor. When they eventually stood up the back of Kunzite's head was sore and Mina had a noticeable bruise on her right knee which she seemed to favor during their encounter. The only sound in the room, aside from the muffled tune of the big band outside, was their mutual breathing. They didn't dare speak to each other.

The room was still dark. Kunzite and Mina spent several minutes on opposite sides of the room bumping into furniture and stumbling blindly trying to find the light switch but to no avail. They awkwardly got dressed again by the light of Kunzite's iPhone. The sense of frantic, world-changing, romantic urgency that so recently seized both of them had disappeared just as rapidly as it had descended.

Kunzite couldn't hold a conversation even if he wanted to. His brain was mostly useless at the moment. The dull glow of his multi-millennium pent-up climax had practically overloaded every sensory receptor in his body. Images of Mina's utterly perfect nude form were now seared into the back of his eyelids. He couldn't see anything else when he closed them and in the nearly total darkness of the room her image wandered through his sight like the baubles of light left lingering from a camera flash.

There was also the sound of his inner voice to keep him distracted and silent. He had faced harsh reprimands in the past when battles didn't go their best; he suffered through endless political debates and trade disputes… all of it was peanuts compared to the shrill, stinging, endless scream that was reverberating in his head. It was his voice, of course. He was screaming at himself in one long, tortured, drawn-out wail of distress. Unlike his poorly designed human body which required oxygen taken in regular breaths to sustain itself, his inner voice did not. It just kept on howling longer and longer, and louder and louder. It was deafening and try as he might he couldn't shut it out completely.

He replayed the last, oh, it felt like a half hour or so in his mind. He had to be careful how long he let his mind's eye linger on any one image or feeling lest he arouse himself again and undo all the progress he had made in clothing himself. The only real description he could come up with to encapsulate everything that had happened was bliss; insubordinate, despicable, traitorous bliss.

He wasn't aware of what Mina was doing. The light from his iPhone barely illuminated enough of the room for them to distinguish whose clothes were whose. He lifted his hands from his sides and stared down at them expecting to see them filthy with some physical representation of betrayal and lust. He saw nothing, of course, but he stared all the same. Usually when a situation like this presented itself that gave Kunzite pause he would slip into a well-rehearsed exercise of clearing his mind and nicely ordering and sorting his thoughts to peruse at his leisure. The problem would likely be solved within minutes; sometimes hours depending on the nature of it. Now, each time he tried to move an image from his racing memory to a bookshelf of his mind it fell right back off and into the fast-moving stream of thought.

_Good lord, what have I done?_

Mina was not faring much better in the silent meeting of the minds. Her heart was beating hard enough that she was sure Kunzite could hear it. She was only slightly aware of the fact that her heart had not stopped beating this hard since the moment she kissed him on the dance floor. If, like they always said in school, the heart was the body's strongest muscle she began to think that after tonight's workout she might use it to start crushing coal into diamonds.

Mina liked to think that, despite her capricious nature, she was totally in control of herself. Normally she steered things in a relationship. She was the instigator, despite the fact that she loved to be the _hunted_. Kunzite robbed her of that control. He didn't do it maliciously and she wondered if he even realized he had the power, but when she was around him she faltered. He physically affected her. Once she had read in some insipid glamour magazine about the study of auras and personal power. She didn't put much stock into mystic beliefs, most of them being throwaway trends, but now she was giving serious consideration to the possibility that Kunzite had some sort of ethereal bond with her that he could exploit at will.

_Could it work both ways?_

"Venus." She said aloud finally breaking the long silence.

"What?" He asked the simplest of time-filling questions.

"You called me Venus." She said.

"Yeah, I did." He admitted.

"Why?"

"Why not?"

"That's a terrible answer." She frowned at him. Kunzite smiled uneasily.

"It just came to me." Kunzite elaborated. His smile was now turning towards fondness, "You are so beautiful, Usagi."

Mina only blushed in reply and shook her head away from him silently reaffirming to herself that this whole thing was based on a lie.

"Now I know why En—" Kunzite started to speak. The rest of the sentence was trapped as he snapped his mouth shut. Stupid, stupid careless tongue…

"Hmm?" She softly cooed.

"Nothing." Kunzite answered. _Now I know why Endymion fell for you._

At the thought of his Master's name Kunzite's world inverted on itself for the hundredth time in so many seconds. Mercifully it was still too dark in the room for Mina to see his reaction or read the pain on his face. Kunzite forced all the anger, confusion and the screaming sentiment from his conscience back down again. Never in his long life had Kunzite experienced such a fracturing of his composure. As he gazed through the darkness he thought he saw Endymion, armor-clad and with a sword in hand staring at him. His Master's eyes were wet and shaking. Tears streamed down his face and his lips quivered in silent, unspeakable shock. When he felt the young woman's slender hand on his shoulder he jumped up and practically out of his skin. He backed his way across the room to the door.

"Kunzite?" Mina asked. He could tell she was truly worried.

"We should go rejoin our friends." Kunzite stated hurriedly. He twisted the doorknob which he had intentionally bent and it fought back against him.

"Kunzite, are you okay?" Mina pursued him, "You're acting a bit jumpy."

"Got to get back out there." Kunzite replied. He was sweating. The door wasn't cooperating and the room was starting to shrink. _Oh Jesus, Jesus what did I do?_

"Kunzite!" Mina reacted and again her hand touched him on the sleeve.

A jolt like lightning shot through him from her fingertips and Kunzite reactively threw his shoulder, bearing his whole weight into the door. The latch broke and the door swung open sending both of them spilling back out into the main ballroom again.

The ruckus of their reentry went largely unnoticed thanks to the somewhat portly gentleman at the head table who was giving a speech interspersed with applause and cheers from the audience. Kunzite and Mina shuffled their way through the crowd back to their table where they found the Shitennou and their other assorted guests preparing their escape strategy.

"Where the hell have you two been?" Zoisite demanded as soon as he saw the pair.

"Stepped out for some air." Kunzite replied automatically. He didn't sit down.

Nephrite and Lita just smirked and continued drunkenly supporting each other. Zoisite was furious for no reason, or for that matter, a reason he couldn't put his finger on. That left Jadeite to pick up on the not-so-subtle clues left by the duo as to their goings-on. Kunzite's shirt was missing a button. One of Mina's Usagi-like pigtails was ruffled and her face was flushed from something other than embarrassment… possibly exhaustion. Kunzite's stoic glare looked even more artificial than usual. Something was definitely up.

"Our charity has been supported for years through generous grants from people like yourselves." Dr. Edwards continued his speech, "But as you may know we have had many anonymous contributors over the years. One in particular has donated extensively from a trust fund that was established over twenty years ago."

"Are we going to cut and run or what?" Jadeite complained and was rewarded by Rei with another slap.

"Good idea." Kunzite agreed swiftly. Even Andrew who was something of the odd man out found his eagerness strange.

"You don't think that will reflect poorly on us?" Zoisite asked, despite the fact that he didn't want to sit through a boring lecture as much as anyone else.

Kunzite didn't answer exactly. He just sat there staring as though his companions should be able to ascertain his intentions without words. Zoisite and Jadeite, their third companion drunk beyond usefulness, were the only ones left to worry about the eldest Shitennou's state of mind. He was obviously distressed and disturbed. Mina, or Usagi as they thought, hadn't said a word yet. Zoisite knew instinctively that they had done something that they both regretted.

Or possibly _didn't _regret.

"Our anonymous benefactor has donated close to three quarters of a million dollars over the years; by far the most generous contributor to this project." The doctor continued, "It was only recently that the identity of the trust fund's administrator became known and tonight we have a very special guest joining us."

"Special guest?" Jadeite repeated, "We can slip out when he introduces whoever the guest is."

"Andrew and I are staying." Ami told them somewhat grouchily. She obviously didn't approve of their behavior. Rei nodded to indicate she would politely be remaining behind as well. Andrew only shrugged, still intending to make good on his karma-building donation to this charity.

"Please, everyone join me in welcoming our young benefactor." Dr. Edwards asked and the room was already standing in ovation, "Mister Darien Shields!"

"Darien Shields?" Jadeite laughed at the name, "Someone's parents didn't love them."

"Hey now." Lita chastised him playfully, "Some of us can't help our names. I have to live with being Lydia Tanner for Christ's sake."

"I like Lydia Tanner." Nephrite drawled to her.

"Yeah, well Lydia Tanner likes you." She replied as adorably drunk as possible.

They were just standing to slip out when the charity's guest of honor bounded up the stage. He was a young man dressed in a tuxedo and sporting an eye-catching, jolly smile. The Shitennou knew that smile intimately and even Nephrite, as beer-goggled as he was, saw it all clearly and his heart sank with the rest of his comrades.

"Darien Shields, ladies and gentlemen!" Dr. Edwards announced again as he shook the younger man's hand, "Thank you for coming tonight, my boy, you're an inspiration to all of us!"

"Wait a minute." Jadeite spoke slowly in the direction of the head table, "What's going on here?"

"Good evening, everyone." Darien spoke. It was Mamoru's voice; more than that it was the voice of their Master, "I'm sure this may come as quite a surprise to those of you who have known me the last few years. To be fair, I'm still a little shaken up myself."

A few good-natured chuckles from the crowd muffled the Shitennou's private debate.

"What the hell is this?" Zoisite added his disbelief, "What's Mamoru _doing?_"

"Is it actually Mamoru?" Nephrite asked squinting slightly.

"Sure as fuck looks like it." Zoisite replied harshly. He was still seething over the man's obvious attempts to screw with their plans for Ares and the Golden Crystal.

"For many years I was in the dark as to who I really was." Darien's speech continued with the young man looking at times contemplative reserved, and outwardly jubilant, "I was very young when I lost my memories and wandered into this city. I had no identification, no birth certificate, and no one could figure out who I was, least of all me."

"I spent my youth in boarding schools and foster care. When I was a teenager I traveled trying to find a place for myself in the world." Darien continued, "An old Shinto priest that I met in my travels gave me the name Mamoru, which meant_ protect_. It was that name I used for many years until at last I discovered who I really was just a few short weeks ago."

"What the hell is he talking about?" Zoisite asked.

"Shut up!" Jadeite snapped, rapt in attention at Darien's story.

"It was just recently when I was involved in a terrible car accident that the pieces finally fell together." Darien told them, "All it took was a blood test, just a bit of DNA for the doctors to tell me that my long-lost parents were Dr. Thomas and Martha Shields who perished in a terrible car accident over twenty years ago. Their only son, Darien, was never found." He stretched out his arms at his side in a Christ-like pose, "Well here I am."

The room cheered, hollered and applauded his return without even realizing that they missed him in the first place. Just as in the past he had a rallying effect of people regardless of what he was talking about. The Shitennou listened and looked on.

"My parents were greatly loved and respected by this city." Darien spoke thoughtfully, "In their will they left a considerable inheritance as well as instructions as to what should be done with it in the event their next of kin, namely myself, could not claim it. The generous donations to this charity have come from my family's trust and I do not intend to interfere with that in any way."

Another chorus of applause and cheers from the jubilant throng resounded.

"I am, however, taking over administration of my parent's estate." Darien explained, "And I intend to do more than simply write out an annual check." Some more appreciative laughter from the audience, "I intend to do what that old Shinto priest entrusted me to do and _protect_ this land and revitalize it."

He continued: "That is why I'd like to announce the first major step in the reclamation of the industrial and post-urban wasteland on the south side of town near the Interstate interchange." Darien motioned to his side where a large poster was unveiled on a tripod depicting an artist's rendering of a new commercial district, "Ladies and gentleman, I give you Project Serenity."

Darien kept talking through the riotous applause, "This project will reclaim over 2500 acres of abandoned industrial tracts, junkyards and landfills. The current plan calls for the construction of a world-class commercial district including specialty boutiques and fine dining. Also included is a plan for a new medical center, radiation treatment facility and termination points for the city's light-rail system."

A curious swell went through the crowd and Darien couldn't help but laugh, "Oh, did I mention this plan includes a light-rail public transportation system for the city as well?"

To call the crowd's response enthusiastic would be a disservice. They were positively feverish with excitement. In one fell swoop the previously unknown, oddly off-putting Mamoru had raised himself from obscurity to the position of Lord of All He Surveyed. It seemed the man had reinvented himself, concocted a new (or old) identity and was no longer the same creature he was before.

"Jesus Christ, Zoisite!" Jadeite was the first one to speak, "How could we have missed this?"

"Missed this?" Zoisite repeated. It was all he could do in his shocked state.

"How could he keep something like this a secret for so long?" The young King asked hollowly.

"I think I have to sit down." Nephrite groaned.

"Oh my god…" Zoisite sighed and buried his face in his hands after finally regaining composure.

"What have we done?" Jadeite clawed at his soul for answers, "Have we let ourselves fall so far that we didn't even know our Master's real name?"

"Your … what did you say?" Mina asked. It was the first thing she had said since returning with Kunzite, but the Shitennou ignored her.

"Should we stay?" Nephrite asked fighting against the headache and dizziness encroaching on him.

"I don't know." Zoisite answered and looked up, "Kunzite, what do you think?"

The eldest King didn't answer. He probably couldn't have answered if his life depended on it. None of them had ever seen him like this. His brow was glistening, his eyes looked sunken and his mouth was hanging open slightly. Kunzite looked as though he had been poisoned and it wasn't just because of the champagne. A small gasp escaped him that sounded suspiciously like "help" and that was it. Before any of them knew it, he was running.

"Kunzite!" Mina called out after him in a voice that definitely wasn't Usagi's, but no one noticed.

"What's up with him?" Lita wondered idly.

"God… Christ have we ever fucked up royally." Jadeite summed up the situation as he stole a glance back at Mamoru… or Darien, apparently, as he soaked in the adulation from the crowd.

"Let's get the hell out of here." Zoisite suggested in a grim tone.

There were no objections.

* * *

The party was over, the champagne was gone, and everyone went their separate ways.

Mina left the taxi slowly. The only thought she could must was of Kunzite's terrified escape artistry. What had she done that turned the powerful, prideful man into a sniveling child? She shook her head and sighed. She caught a glimpse of herself in a dirty window and pulled Usagi's trademark pigtails out and straightened her hair as best she could. The _ginzuishou_ around her neck glittered wildly and she pulled the necklace off as well and deposited it in her pocket. Something about her appearance changed immediately. She was no longer Usagi's nearly-perfect double. She was just Mina again. She thanked god for it.

When she opened the door of her apartment what greeted her was Usagi's worried embrace. She patted her friend on the head and when they pulled away Mina handed Usagi's silver crystal pendant back to her which she accepted a bit hesitantly.

"I've been worried sick all night." Usagi admitted. In fact she was shaking a little bit, "I'm so sorry I put you up to this. I wanted to try to stop you—"

"It's alright, Usagi." Mina interrupted her. She tried to smile, but it didn't happen. Usagi picked up on it immediately and fretted that much more.

"Mina, what happened?" Usagi pried as she circled around her friend, "Oh my god, what did he do?"

"I don't think he necessarily did anything." Mina confessed. She slumped down on the couch and rolled her head back. _What a night…_

"Talk to me, Mina." Usagi begged, "Please, I need to know what happened!"

"Let's just say that Santa Claus is probably going to skip this house this year." Mina explained and hid her tired face behind her hands, "I've been a bad girl."

"Jesus, you didn't!" Usagi knew what that meant and her heart sank, "You… you mean you…"

Mina nodded from behind her hands. Usagi's face went pale and her fists clenched.

"Did he think it was…" The words got caught in her throat for a second, "… me?"

She received only another nod in reply. The room was spinning, or perhaps it was just her head. Usagi grabbed the arm of a nearby chair and sat down, but she was on the wrong side of the arm and instead slid down onto the floor. Neither of them spoke for several minutes.

"I'm going to have to call in sick." Usagi began planning, "There's no way I can go into work tomorrow."

"Usagi, there's more." Mina told her. Her soft-spoken, compassionate friend whirled around with eyes skewering her like knives and a pulsating red glow of anger seeping across her features.

"What more is there, Mina?" Usagi demanded. She had never seen her old friend get this angry, "What else did you do tonight?"

"Listen, I didn't think—" Mina tried to defend herself.

"You fucked my boss!" Usagi screamed at her, "And he thought it was _me!_"

"Hey!" Mina got up from the couch and shrieked at her, "This wouldn't have happened if you didn't cook up this idiotic scheme to begin with, so don't lay it all on me!"

"I'm not the one who slept with him." Usagi rightfully reminded her, "I thought you'd have enough self-restraint to keep that from happening. For Christ's sake Mina, how hard is it to keep yourself out of that position?"

Mina's considerably dirtier mind attempted to form a non-sequitur out of the words "hard" and "position" but Mina ignored it on the grounds that this argument with Usagi was actually somewhat important.

"Look Usagi, we've been friends forever and I said I'd do anything for you." Mina reminded her and wagged a finger in her face, "I admit that this was a huge mistake, but screaming at me all night isn't going to help fix anything."

"It's making me feel better." Usagi growled at her.

"Too bad." Mina returned, "You were so terrified of this guy that you made me impersonate you! I don't know which of us is more at fault."

"Don't try to pin this on me you, you…" Usagi stuttered slightly.

"Usagi, he ran away!" Mina blurted out. It definitely got her attention.

"What do you mean?"

"He just got up and left." Mina told her still not sure herself what it meant, "We went back out to the table where all of his friends were sitting and then all of a sudden he just got up and disappeared, like he was suddenly terrified."

"Why?" Usagi wondered.

"I don't know." Mina admitted annoyed. She wasn't fond of being in the dark like this when it came to any sort of romance, ill-conceived and champagne-fueled as it may have been.

"God, maybe you did scare him off after all." Usagi thought aloud.

"That's still not all." Mina told her and Usagi rolled her eyes, "This guy Mamoru that you think is such a hot-shot, he was there."

"He was?" Usagi asked expectantly.

"Yeah, but I think he was part of the reason that Kunzite freaked out so badly." Mina explained, "His name isn't Mamoru, it turns out. It's Darien or something."

"Really?" Usagi asked bewildered.

"Yeah, he came out and gave this big speech on behalf of the charity that hosted the dinner." Mina continued, "Actually now that I think about it all the guys from the Four Kings seemed to be shook up by him. They all started acting weird. It was after his speech that Kunzite vanished."

"Huh…" Usagi thought, "A false name?" she wondered and her eyes went wide, "Oh God, Mina, you don't think they were mixed up in something bad, do you? Like, are they criminals or something?"

"Who knows?" Mina offered with a shrug, "I guess it's possible."

"Oh no, don't say things like that!" Usagi cried and rushed over to Mina and took her in a tearful embrace, "God damn it, now I feel like I might have put you in the middle of a frigging shoot-out or something!"

"Usagi, it's alright." Mina tried to soothe her, "I'm fine. I'm not mad or anything."

"Well you should be." Usagi practically ordered.

"Fine, I'm pissed off and angry." Mina laughed.

"Let's just move on, Mina." Usagi suggested hoping her old friend would fall into her line of thinking, "I won't go back to work there. I'll just quit; it's not professional of me, but I don't want to take the chance especially for your sake."

"If that's what you want, Usagi, that's what we'll do." Mina agreed.

She was answered with another bear hug and a kiss on the forehead from her old friend. Usagi would be upset for a while; she knew that she enjoyed working at the Four Kings Bar & Grill, but eventually she would get over it. What she would have trouble getting over is when she inevitably found out that Mina had no intention of "moving on." Kunzite had set something in motion and she was not about to jump off this ride midway to their destination. Something clicked between those two confused and inebriated souls and she was determined to root out the source whether he liked it or not.

As Usagi started to prepare a late-night snack Mina was only vaguely aware of what her friend was saying. She was already planning and plotting how she would interject herself into Kunzite's life again. This time there would be no secrets or disguises. This time she would just be herself, explain the situation, and find out where their passions carried them. She only hoped that he hadn't gone into some sort of ridiculous man-baby exile.

Then a thought occurred to her. There was one common element in this whole ridiculous situation, the one thing that Usagi and Kunzite had in common that in some way affected their better judgment: Mamoru.

Perhaps he could help…


	25. Shapes Of Things To Come

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Shapes of Things to Come

Zoisite's head felt like a sheet of arctic ice splitting down the middle as one of those _Deadliest Catch_ boats plowed its way through. Jadeite had spent plenty of nights on the couch watching that damn show and the sound of the ship's engines rang awfully similar to the hulking construction machines that had been chugging, cranking, and whirring on the other side of the street for the last six weeks.

Winter was gone, finally, replaced by a damp and dreary spring that wasn't trying hard enough to bring new life to the cold city. Ugly piles of dirty, plowed snow clung feebly to the corners of parking lots and medians. The temperature didn't rise above fifty degrees but once or twice so far and almost every day was punctuated by brief, chilly rainfall or sheets of depressing fog.

His thoughts were interrupted by a burning scent and he looked down at the grill to see the egg turning black.

"Son of a bitch." He complained in a somewhat lackluster way.

Jadeite leaned back from where he sat in the office of the Four Kings Bar and Grill, "What?"

"Burnt an egg." Zoisite grunted.

"Do we have a customer?" Jadeite asked and tried to twist his head to see out the narrow space, but failed and refused to put for the effort needed to stand up.

"No, it was for me." Zoiste answered and swiped the blackened remains off the grill and into a nearby garbage can.

No customers. There hadn't been many of them since the construction started across the street. The noise was just unbearable. The contractors had assured them that they would try their hardest not to infringe on the Four King's usual business, but that was a shallow sentiment. Most of their regular customers still dropped by for dinner when the construction site was closed, or at least when the heavy machinery wasn't operated, but most days it was a steady stream of emptiness and mechanical noise that patronized their establishment.

Zoisite's hands clenched around a rag and he imagined for the briefest of seconds that it was Mamoru's neck…

"You're getting that look again, Zoi." Jadeite called to him. Zoisite's hands relaxed.

"What look?" he grumbled back.

"The _"I want to strangle Mamoru."_ look." Jadeite returned.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Zoisite lied.

"Strangle him maybe because of this Project Serenity thing of his that happens to be in construction a hundred yards away from us." Jadeite reminded him, "A project that is currently keeping all of our customers away and will likely ruin us in the end because it will offer world-class shopping and many options for fine dining..."

"God, stop." Zoisite ordered. He sounded like he was reading a brochure.

Jadeite stopped. With a heavy inner groan he turned back toward the desk and continued rapping on the keypad of the adding machine. The numbers were growing steadily larger, just in the wrong direction.

The door of the freezer swung open and Lita emerged wide-eyed, shivering and somewhat unkempt. She kicked the door closed with her heel and set down her retrieved tub of yesterday's chili on the counter. She let out a slightly exasperated breath and grinned sheepishly.

"I didn't hear you guys come in." she said.

"We've been here for an hour." Zoisite grudgingly replied.

"Right." She replied hastily and adjusted waist of her jean skirt, "I've got to run down to the grocery store." She fumbled with her keys for effect, "You guys need more beans for your chili."

Zoisite's overdeveloped sense of hearing, honed through many years of eavesdropping on his companion's conversations through floor boards and drywall, detected a muffled snicker from somewhere close by at the mention of "beans for your chili." He didn't bother rolling his eyes.

"Be right back!" Lita announced and was out the front door without a moment's hesitation.

"I think someone put some beans in _her_ chili." Jadeite openly commented with his usual sophomoric mirth.

"Jesus…" Zoisite replied. His mood was not improving.

The freezer door opened again and Nephrite emerged. He was whistling the _"Andy Griffith" _theme song and re-doing the buckle on his belt. Jadeite leaned to the left to peer around the corner of the office door, pushing the lateral play of the office chair to its maximum and he delivered a congratulatory nod in Nephrite's direction.

"Do you carve a tick mark in it with your Bowie knife after each time?" Zoisite grumbled half under his breath.

"Get them tattooed, actually." Nephrite returned and offered an appreciative grin to his unappreciative colleague, "Wanna see?" Zoisite didn't bother replying, "I'm actually starting to run out of room. Gonna have to keep tally on my thighs if this keeps up."

Nephrite slapped his comrade hard on the shoulder and he winced under the pain. Nephrite swung around the front of the counter and made his way down to his bar, whistling happily and preparing to busy himself by cleaning glasses that hadn't been used in days.

The front door opened and a late-middle-aged man in a blue shirt and navy shorts walked in lugging a bag of mail on one shoulder. Zoisite waved to him and intercepted him at the bar. Their local mail carrier was a genial sort; divorced, no kids, liked bass fishing and had a nylon fetish. With so little to do Zoisite dedicated a generous amount of free time to prying into the private lives of the few return faces these days. The mail man also very much liked Lita's somewhat famous sourdough biscuits which became a hot seller when she was brought in part-time to help out in the kitchen. He also made it rather clear that "biscuits" was meant to be taken as a double-entendre as well as a pet name for Nephrite's currently absent girlfriend.

"Heya, Zoi." He greeted enthusiastically, "No biscuits today?"

"Afraid not." Zoisite replied.

"That's too bad." He wasn't feigning disappointment, that crestfallen look was all too genuine. "Business getting any better?"

"No, unfortunately." Zoisite replied and leaned back against the counter, "Might actually be getting worse."

"Well, just hang in there." The man offered hopefully, "They say the recession is turning around, finally. Things will pick up, I'm sure of it."

"I certainly hope so." Zoisite agreed and took the stack of mail from him, "Jadeite, do we have anything going out for the mail today?"

The young de-facto manager of the Four Kings walked out of the office with an envelope that looked like it had been opened and resealed about a dozen times and handed it to the postal carrier.

"Sorry, tax season." Jadeite apologized, "Had to make sure everything was in order."

"Yeah, gotta make sure Uncle Sam gets his share." The man laughed, "Well, you kids take care." He walked to the door and as he exited he called behind him, "I want to get a hold of some of them biscuits next time!"

"Ok!" Zoisite unenthusiastically replied.

A tearing sound called his attention. Jadeite and Zoisite glanced toward the end of the bar where Nephrite, red-faced and shaking, had ripped his towel in half.

"Motherfucking biscuits and… fucking _cock-wranger_… FUCK!" He stammered. When Nephrite was truly upset and broiling with rage his speech was the first function to suffer. He took in a breath and steadied himself, "Just one good, clean, uninterruptible haymaker is all I want."

"So why don't you?" Jadeite asked, "The guy's a tool."

"Because I enjoy freedom." Nephrite answered, "And if I curb stomp a civil servant I'd go to jail."

"Speaking of, I'm going back to my four-by-four cell." Jadeite said dejectedly and shuffled off back the office.

Zoisite flipped idly through the mail and tossed the papers in random piles as he went. There were bills upon bills to pay. They were already dangerously close to missing their lease payments on the building and they had to curtail their electric and water usage such to the point that they didn't turn the lights on in the restaurant during the day. There were few customers the way it was, so nobody tended to notice or care. He threw a cutlery vendor's catalog to the side and the next thing in the pile was a postcard.

The card had no return address. The front depicted a meadow of budding flowers against a backdrop of snow-capped mountain peaks. On the back of the card was written the word "Spring" in instantly recognizable handwriting.

"Another card from Kunzite?" Nephrite asked in an uncharacteristically somber voice. He had moved to stand just behind Zoisite's right shoulder.

"It's the same as the last one." Zoisite remembered. It had arrived in the middle of February, a rather austere card with a picture of snow-shrouded woods, a stream, and a small footbridge. The word "Winter" was written on the back.

They hadn't seen Kunzite since the night that Mamoru, or Darien Shields, unveiled his "Project Serenity" at the city's Christmas Party. Surely the revelation that they had so completely failed in their duty as Mamoru's guardians affected them deeply, but to Kunzite it was an impossible burden. Rather than face it he disappeared. Just a few days later Usagi failed to show up for her shift and she too dropped off the Four King's radar. Zoisite simply couldn't wrap his mind around what might have happened, but he knew that Mamoru, Darien… _Endymion_… was at the center of it.

Kunzite gave no indication where was or where he was going. They searched the city for days, but found no trace of him. They even alerted the police who couldn't come up with anyone fitting Kunzite's descriptions in local prisons, drunk tanks, or, thankfully, morgues. Only these two postcards provided any link between the Shitennou and their erstwhile leader. In typical Kunzite fashion the cards were humorless, direct, but effective and strangely empathetic. The hopeless romantic in Zoisite prayed that the imagery of Spring meant that wherever he was, Kunzite was experiencing a rebirth. He tempered his hope with logic, however, the cold logic that everything else wasn't getting any better. The business was failing, their money was dwindling, and their relationship with the man that should have been closer to them than blood had all but evaporated. Zoisite realized too late that he was crushing the postcard in a clenched fist.

"This is our own personal purgatory." Zoisite mumbled to himself.

"What?" Nephrite asked.

Normally he would be getting misty and teary-eyed when reminiscing over shared nostalgia, but this was the true Zoisite speaking; not the preening, candy-shelled, celeb-gossiper, tabloid-reading, fashion conscious Zoisite of the modern world, but the _essential_ Zoisite.

"I thought this was our second chance." Zoisite answered, "But it's not. This is penance." He looked through the windows at the construction site across the street, "Losing everything we've built is a fitting punishment for everything we destroyed."

"I don't think so, Zoi." Nephrite replied, "Somehow I doubt that the universe would waste it's time to bring us back again just to punish us." He glanced skyward ever so slightly. Zoisite imagined the stars above that Nephrite was once frightfully attuned to, "This shit that happened with Mamoru… Darien… whatever the fuck… it's like a grindhouse movie with a missing reel."

"A movie?" Zoisite scoffed, perceiving Nephrite to be making light of his deep sentimentality.

"We're missing a big chunk of the picture." Nephrite explained, "I've been thinking about it…" he leaned down and made sure Zoisite heard him clearly, "… between all the sex I'm having with Lita."

"God almighty…" Zoisite turned to walk away, but Nephrite grabbed his shoulder and stopped him.

"No, seriously." Nephrite continued and didn't give his partner a chance to protest, "You might think you're the only one who sees the big picture, but I've got my eye on this too. Lately I've started to feel it out."

"What do you mean?" Zoisite asked, intrigued.

"Think about it when you go to sleep tonight. Clear your head and just look up at the ceiling. Filter out all the noise and problems from this place and just concentrate on your breathing." Nephrite instructed and offered a grim sentiment, "It'll hit you like a cold breeze, or like the pins and needles you feel when your arm wakes up after you slept on it wrong."

"What?" Zoisite asked breathlessly.

"Something, I don't know… out there…" Nephrite gestured to what might have been the whole universe, "Something just doesn't _feel _right."

* * *

Ares sat near the door with his tail wagging of its own accord. The displaced soul of Endymion, mingled with that of Mamoru knew on some level that this behavior was laughable and, in any other circumstance, grounds for commitment to a sanitarium, but he had become accustomed to certain canine urges and this one, while silly, was at least endearing.

Rei returned home every day just before six o'clock. Her routine was so well-defined that she often would walk through the door at exactly ten minutes to six several times a week. It would vary a few minutes day-to-day, but not by much. As he heard the car pull into the driveway Ares' front paws moved about and planted into the ground. He had to stop himself from joyously leaping in the air. The car door shut, there were footsteps, the jangle of keys, the click of the lock and then the door swung open. He jumped up from his sitting position, tail wagging with enough force to knock the young woman over, and let out a happy yelp.

"Ares!" she greeted him enthusiastically and grabbed the scruff around his neck with both hands, rubbing him furiously, "How was my good boy today?"

He whined happily and circled around her. Luna sat nearby on the arm of the couch watching the scene with silent amusement. The two old friends had become closer in the last month or so. She was the one who encouraged Ares to indulge in the instincts of his host body. Having spent much of her long life in the form of a feline, Luna was something of an expert on the subject.

Their routine played out as it did almost every day. After she wound down from a day at work and brief stop at the gym Rei would eat a simple, no-frills dinner, feed her pets, then take Ares out for an evening stroll. Many times they would return from their walk just as the moon was cresting over the treetops and Ares would become transfixed by its glow, so much so that he often walked into things like mailboxes and lamp posts, much to Rei's amusement and mild concern for his well-being.

For all the catastrophes that seemed to be developing around him, Ares was content to live in Rei's care in his guise as nothing more than a lovable, if somewhat smarter-than-average canine. He had to credit Luna for her excellent conversational nature and their shared history, but he found the simple pleasures of being a dog their own reward. Unfortunately it was a double-edged sword as every time he would contemplate the subject it reminded him just how limited his resources were.

He hadn't been able to establish regular contact with the Shitennou. Only twice over the last few months, both thinly-disguised as "accidental" encounters during their evening walk did Ares manage to speak to them and only through Jadeite. Both times Ares managed to wriggle his leash out of Rei's grasp and take off running into the woods with Jadeite in hot pursuit. _"Don't worry, I'll get him back!"_ he shouted obviously trying to impress the young woman before he too disappeared into the trees where they could converse in secret.

Foremost on his mind was what had become of Kunzite. For such an unshakable will as Kunzite's to not just falter, but completely break down did not bode well. He spent hours bouncing ideas off Luna trying to think of where he might have gone; the Middle East was a strong contender, Kunzite's domain during the Silver Millennium, but there would have been some sort of paper trail. Aside from that was the issue of who Mamoru really was. He called himself Darien, a name that didn't mean anything to Ares. Nothing was making sense and it was incredibly frustrating.

However, one other question plagued him, a question that Luna inadvertently raised some months ago. She mentioned she lived with Rei and not Usagi because Rei needed her more. She avoided the subject whenever it was raised and consistently played down Ares' suspicions with casual dismissal. However, one night Ares was awakened by a sound: nothing.

One night just a few weeks ago Ares awoke, picked his head off the blue pillow that he slept on at the foot of Rei's bed and noticed that she wasn't there. How she managed to slip out of the room without waking him up was enough of a mystery. Where she had gone was the greater of the two. He glanced around the room to see that Luna was also absent. The door of the bedroom was closed, but that didn't hinder the supernaturally dexterous canine for long. He managed to work the knob almost silently and soon the door was open.

The house was dark. Rei kept all the curtains drawn even during the day. Ares had come to know that she was a very private person, not introverted, but isolated and sometimes very much alone. She didn't let it show often, but every once in a while he could see the loneliness creep into the corners of her eyes as she sat reading or working on her laptop. Ares padded his way around the house looking for her on the couch, in the kitchen, or even the bathroom. She was nowhere to be found. The car was in the driveway, the front door was locked

That was when he remembered the basement… He had never been down there.

Ares spun around and faced the door down to the basement which stood just a little bit off to the left side in the entryway of the house. He sniffed around the bottom of the door, but could detect nothing. He heard nothing and in the darkness he saw even less. His agile paws sought out the handle. This one was a lever-type doorknob, much easier for him to open. He was careful not to make any noise as he put one paw on the first step. He was afraid the stairs would creak as so many basement steps did, but he was relieved to find them to be made of poured concrete.

He moved swiftly down. The basement was divided into two halves, one of which contained the furnace, washing machine, and clothes drier, the other which was used for storage. His snout pushed between boxes looking for some unnatural scent to guide him, but he found nothing. Clothes were hung from the rafters and there were multitudes of dresses and business suits in garment bags draped over an old sewing machine. He perused a row of shelves detecting the scent of candles, Christmas ornaments, and old paper. Nothing seemed out of place. He was about to return upstairs when a peculiar glint caught his eye.

At the opposite end of the basement from the furnace was another door. It looked old and cobbled-together, not like the rest of the house. The door was made of wooden slats painted a hasty white and it was held shut by a pivoting block of wood. There was light coming from behind the surprisingly well-fitted seams. Ares approached the door, but a shadow, so faint as to nearly be invisible, halted him. It was Luna; she was somewhere in the room. He couldn't be sure if she had spotted him, it was almost pitch black in the basement, but he didn't wait to chance it. He silently turned around and made his way back upstairs to Rei's bedroom and shut the door.

Endymion was no coward, neither was Mamoru for that matter, but something within Ares had given him the most intense rush of fear and dread either of them had ever experienced. He couldn't sleep the rest of the night and only managed to doze off just as the sun came up. When he awoke Rei was climbing out of bed, stretching and yawning as though she had been there all night.

Luna did not speak of the incident to Ares and for several weeks in a row there was nothing out of the ordinary to disrupt their routine; until tonight.

Ares awoke again with a start. The bedroom was empty. Rei was not in bed and Luna was not there either. With practiced grace Ares opened the bedroom door and made his way down the hall to the basement door. He had told Luna he didn't appreciate secrets and tonight it was going to come to a head. He had no quarrel with his old feline friend, but the air needed clearing. He had a very clear idea of what Luna was up to: she was trying to awaken Rei's dormant memories from her past life and didn't want to get anyone's hopes up that she would be successful. It was a decent supposition, and more importantly it was _hopeful. _He reached the basement door and lifted a paw to the handle. He pulled down, but door didn't budge.

A deadbolt had been installed on the door.

He couldn't help but let out a small, instinctive, animalistic growl.

* * *

Zoisite finally had a day off after what felt like months.

Actually, it _was_ months.

He meandered his way through the shopping mall, one hand in his pocket clutching his wallet for all it was worth lest he be pick-pocketed (one of his baseless fears from watching too much reality television), the other holding a beverage that he was currently loudly slurping; a sickeningly sweet frozen mocha concoction with a double espresso shot and a frothy head of whipped cream. Normally he would have gone for something a bit more refined, but he was indulging himself. His vision wandered to severely overpriced boutique stores and the ever-popular perfume cart, but he forced himself to walk on.

He eventually made his way to Borders which was where he tended to do the majority of his shopping. Zoisite consumed media at a ravenous pace far greater than the perpetually plugged-in Jadeite could even hope to achieve. Zoi was a voracious collector of DVD's, CD's, magazines, and books. He didn't derive enjoyment out of many of them, he just liked having them. They looked good filling up shelves and he would always be ready to entertain anyone he happened to bring home… his face fell. Now where the hell did _that_ come from?

He sauntered through the aisles looking at nothing until he came to the sitting area where there was a display set up promoting books about various hobbies. Apparently Borders was having something of a "hobby month" and there were plenty of introductory and how-to guides on sale covering everything from stamp collecting, gardening, and aquariums to woodworking and Chia-Pets. A large, colorful, coffee-table sized book caught his eye. He chuckled at the title of _"Practical Mineralogy – A Rocking Hobby."_ He reached for it.

His hand brushed against another and an electric charge shot through him. His brain shrieked "Mercury!" but his lips shouted "Ami!"

The young woman didn't even flinch at Zoisite's outburst. She pulled her hand back and nodded at him in vague recognition.

"Ami, hello!" Zoisite greeted again, trying to play down the odd looks he was getting from everyone else in the store who were surprised by his shout.

"Hello." She replied politely and that was all.

"You probably don't remember me." He said and extended his hand, "I'm Zoisite."

"From the Four Kings restaurant." Ami returned, "I remember."

"Right. Yes." Zoisite answered. Ami wasn't even registering an emotion on her face, it was amazing. Zoisite suddenly felt terribly awkward which was strange for such an extrovert as him, "Fancy running into you here."

Ami only nodded and didn't vocalize a reply. Zoisite fumbled again for something to say. He was not attempting to impress her or anything; he was just trying to hold a conversation. It was devilishly impossible with Ami. She seemed to have a numbing effect on him by her quiet and somewhat blasé manner.

"So." Zoisite stalled, "Reading up on rocks, huh?"

"Looks like you are, too." She returned.

"Not really, just browsing." Zoisite laughed unsteadily, "Just looking to look, you know, Gemini personality. I bounce from one thing to the next."

"I see." She replied and picked up the book that started this, "You don't mind, do you?"

"Oh no, of course not!" Zoisite acquiesced and scratched the back of his head, "It's all yours."

"Thanks." Ami replied. She looked like she was about to leave.

Zoisite stepped in front of her awkwardly and asked, "I don't, um… suppose you could recommend something?"

"What do you mean?" Ami asked with a hint of incredulity.

"Something to keep the old noggin working." Zoisite answered and inwardly cringed. _Noggin?_ He was talking like Kunzite did to Usagi…

Ami took one cursory glance at the table and picked up the thickest book there was. She presented it to Zoisite with a placatory smile, "Try this one."

With that she walked away. Zoisite felt strangely angry, but he couldn't place what, if anything he was angry at. He assumed it was anger at himself for completely failing in a meaningful social interaction, but he shrugged it off. He almost set the book down without looking at it, but he noticed the title _"Amateur Astronomy"_ and felt a cold shiver. He ducked into an aisle so as not to be seen and he unsteadily opened the book to the index. A flood of anxiety hit him and he followed the index to the page labeled "Mercury."

There was nothing there.

He let out a weary sigh and followed it up with a disbelieving chuckle. To think something so ridiculous… that she would know what nobody else know and leave Zoisite a secret trail of breadcrumbs to follow. He felt a peculiar, empty pain in his chest when he realized that wasn't the case. Something within him actually was yearning for the fantasy. He looked over the edge of the counter but could not see the aqua-tinged hair of the young woman anywhere in the store.

He walked out of the aisle and set the astronomy book back down on the table. He saw that the large coffee-table book _"Practical Mineralogy"_ was back in its cradle. He looked around again, but saw no sign of Ami. Against his better judgment he picked up the book and flipped through it. It was arranged alphabetically so he turned to near the very end. He paged to the entry on a bright yellow crystal called 'zoisite.' There, inside the white space of the letter 'o' was drawn in almost invisibly small pen strokes, a tiny smiley face.

: )


	26. Light My Fire

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Light My Fire

_Endymion's Palace in Elysian, During the Silver Millennium_

_The young prince sat on a luxuriously carved marble bench wagging his legs and staring dejectedly down at his armored boots. The pre-pubescent monarch was pouting. In a courtyard below an imposing figure with a mane of glittering hair as white as new fallen snow was engaged in a fairly brutal sword drill with a much younger, blonde opponent. Kunzite was, for lack of a better word, pummeling Jadeite into the ground._

"_Why are we pouting today, my prince?" asked a voice that was very near, but sounded far away._

_Zoisite sat down on the bench next to the prince, not looking at him, but at the two men battling below. Nephrite, who stood near a large pillar and almost completely hidden from sight, let out a hearty chuckle as Jadeite stumbled backward and nearly failed to catch himself. _

"_Kunzite is beating up Jadeite again." The prince grumbled._

"_Technically they're sparring." Zoisite corrected him with a bit of mirth, "Why is this "again" might I ask?"_

"_Because we pulled a prank on Kunzite." Endymion replied unhappily._

"_And you let Jadeite take the fall?" Zoisite mumbled in a disappointed tone._

"_No." Endymion answered, "The prank didn't work."_

"_Ah." Zoisite spoke now understanding the root of the prince's malaise. The prank failed; never mind his best friend below being beaten into a pulp by his superior. In that regard the young prince was a bit too much like Jadeite for his own good._

"_What were you trying to do to him, exactly?" Zoisite inquired._

"_We balanced a bucket of water on the door to his chambers." Endymion explained, "Kunzite opened the door, but when the bucket tipped over he just dodged out of the way of the water."_

"_Kunzite's reflexes are more than acute enough to dodge a bucket of falling water." Zoisite told the prince, "I'll bet it was all Jadeite's idea." The prince nodded, "That's his problem. He doesn't look before he leaps. Jadeite should have known that Kunzite would never get caught in a prank like that."_

"_What?" Endymion asked wide-eyed. His lip quivered for a moment before he asked, "What's that mean?"_

"_Were you expecting me to chew you out for trying to have a laugh at the Ice King's expense?" Zoisite whispered in the prince's ear with a chuckle, "You just picked the wrong partner."_

_Endymion's lips curled into twin, nearly devilish points._

"_Every great King must know how to be bold and forthright." Zoisite instructed, "But there comes a time when he must also learn to be _subtle._"_

"_Subtle?" Endymion puzzled._

"_Strategic." Zoisite explained, "Wily and tenacious. You've been learning your swordsmanship from Nephrite, your magic from Jadeite, and your ethics from Kunzite. I will teach you how to use your mind as a weapon; how to think around corners and unravel puzzles."_

_Zoisite nodded his head toward the courtyard where Kunzite had managed to disarm Jadeite and was now chasing him around the field threatening grievous injury if the younger Shitennou didn't stop running like a coward._

"_Successfully pranking Kunzite will be your first test."_

* * *

Thanks to the Golden Crystal mystically hidden within him Ares had access to all of those lessons Zoisite and his immortal companions imparted on the young prince. With his canine concentration he could move stealthily, hold his body completely motionless, and wait wide-eyed for hours.

Rei took sleeping pills sometimes, especially when she was working on something into the night and had to be up early the next day. She kept the bottle near her bed with some other bottles, mostly allergy medications, but thanks to his less-than-perfect monochrome vision Ares couldn't distinguish one from another by sight and had to rely on the sound of the bottle to determine which was which.

_Never rely on just your eyes or just your eyes or your ears. Sharpen every sense. A voice can betray what a glance won't. A smell can reveal a poison that would have gone tasteless. _

Zoisite's voice (he remembered it sounding very distant) rang again. Rei was just about to climb into bed when she reached for the bottle that Ares suspected contained the sleeping pills. Luna was still prowling somewhere around the house.

Luna hadn't been quite as talkative since the night Ares first crept down into the basement. He was no fool; the feline was hiding something from him, but neither of them broached the subject. This wasn't something that would be brought into the open. A direct confrontation would only lead to more dead-ends and spin on the tale. Ares decided on a more _subtle_ approach.

He got up, trotted up to Rei's side, and forced his snout into her hand hoping that she would interpret the action as him begging for a treat.

"No, Ares!" Rei snapped at him, "That's not for puppies."

Ares backed away, circled at the foot of her bed, and lay down again contented and relieved. He had nudged the bottle just enough. One of the pills had fallen out and gone unnoticed at is bounced on the carpet and rolled under the bed. Luna heard the commotion and appeared in the room in a split-second and assumed her favored perch on the window ledge. Ares paid no heed to the cat's comings-and-goings and made sure not to draw attention to the misplaced medicine.

Now it was time to wait.

* * *

A month passed by like a day and the construction site across the street from the Four Kings Bar and Grill had nearly tripled in size. It appeared that Darien Shield's landmark Project Serenity was going to encompass an entire city block. The noise was unbearable and often lasted late into the night. Construction workers and contractors mercifully began patronizing the establishment, but they were loud, demanding, and usually left the place a wreck when they were done. Very few of the normal customers dared to venture into the construction wasteland.

Andrew was not one of those customers so easily scared away by jackhammers and rivet guns. He paid for his drinks despite the King's insistence that he didn't have to. Andrew certainly wasn't short on cash, but he wasn't waving it in their faces; he knew the restaurant had fallen on hard times and despite the relationship's rocky start Andrew and the Shitennou had become friendly. His space at the bar was unofficially considered the VIP section.

Jadeite and Nephrite lounged against the back of the bar while Andrew drank his beer and occasionally glanced at the soccer game on TV. None of them knew a damn thing or cared a lick about soccer, but the channel had gotten stuck on the TV and Nephrite misplaced the remote. Laziness had set in with the lack of work and no one was about to climb up on a stool to manually change the channel or unplug the TV. Whatever was on was good enough; it was mostly just for background noise anyway.

"Anyone talk to Mamo—" Andrew started to ask and then corrected himself, "I mean Darien lately?"

"No." Jadeite and Nephrite both grunted back grumpily.

"Me neither." Andrew agreed and took another swig of his beer, "I stopped by his apartment the other day and it was cleaned out. One of his neighbors said he'd moved out last month. I don't even know where he's staying."

"Yeah, well there's a lot we didn't know about Mr. Shields." Jadeite grumbled and nodded towards the roaring construction site that was sapping away their livelihood.

"I don't get it. How can you know a guy for so long and know nothing about him?" Andrew wondered aloud, "I knew Mamoru since elementary school. I grew up with him." Andrew smiled fondly, "He was kind of chubby back then and some kids would make fun of him and call him Ma-_moo_-rou. They'd follow him around mooing like a cow and he just took it in stride."

"Yeah." Jadeite breathed. The Mamoru topic was a sore one; he could do without it today.

"I mean, I'm glad it's not like he turned out to be a serial killer or something like that." Andrew clarified.

Nephrite's eyes went steely in spite of himself. Andrew shrank back into his seat and studied his beer intently. Lita wasn't even in the restaurant today, but just the mention set him on edge. There weren't enough hours in the day with Kunzite missing and though he got to see her around the restaurant (and have casual sex in the cooler) Nephrite felt he wasn't spending enough time with the woman he once so doggedly pursued. They hadn't even spoken about the painful revelation of her youth since the night it was put out in the open, nor had they made any semblance of a plan as to how to go about finding her missing father.

"Anybody hungry?" Jadeite asked trying to break the tension, "I feel like cooking up a burger or something."

"I wouldn't mind a burger." Andy said.

"Get me one." Nephrite ordered, "Rare as shit."

Jadeite nodded and walked towards the kitchen and disappeared around the corner leaving Nephrite, Andy, the background-noise soccer game, and the unending din of construction alone at the bar.

"Where's your lawyer friend these days?" Nephrite asked his sole patron.

"Ami?" Andrew almost laughed, "God only knows. Probably tits-deep in a malpractice case."

"I thought you two were … you know." Nephrite made a circle with two fingers and poked a third in and out of the hole.

"No…" Andrew replied seeming rather embarrassed by Nephrite's infinitely tactful depiction of sex.

"Well that's bullshit." Nephrite commented and helped himself to a glass of beer from his own tap, "What's up her ass if not you?"

"Ami is… um…" Andrew stuttered. Nephrite's crass way of discussing intimate acts was one of those points of friction in their relationship, "She's not very easy to read."

"Girls like her are the easiest to read." Nephrite rebuked him immediately, "She's friendly but distant, she's a bit prude and a little on the shy side and she works too much."

"She's a virgin." Andrew mumbled.

"Dude, that has nothing to do with it." Nephrite expelled his advice, "The dirtiest, trashiest, most worn-out, street-walking hooker still thinks she's a virgin because she hasn't found _"The One"_ yet."

"No, I mean it literally." His patron reiterated.

"Yeah, well that's as may be." Nephrite continued, "That doesn't mean her mind doesn't wander sometimes. I'm sure her fingers do too and whatever fucked-up kinky toys she has hidden in the bottom drawer of—"

"Nephrite, please!" Andrew interrupted him and put his head down on the bar, "Stop!"

"Come on, man!" Nephrite encouraged him, "It's not like you haven't heard this shit before."

"That's not it." Andy corrected him, "It's just... I don't know."

"Just spit it out, dude." Nephrite said and motioned to the empty restaurant, "It's not like anyone is going to hear you."

"I just…" Andrew stammered, "I can't think of Ami like that."

"Why, are you gay?"

"No." He answered firmly, put off by Nephrite's obliviousness, "She's just too good for all that, you know what I mean?" Nephrite's blank stare and silence spoke negative, "I mean she's never talked about it in all the time I've known her. She never dresses provocatively; she never winks or makes lewd comments or anything. She's just… I don't know. Really pure, I guess."

"I guarantee if you got her in the sack you'd find out just how wrong you are." Nephrite told his VIP, "Girls like her, the repressed ones, they're almost always the biggest freaks in bed."

"Yeah, but that's not what I want." Andrew told him and shrank into himself, "No offense, Neph, but I've already had that…"

"Now that's a different kind of freak, Andy." Nephrite told him and eyed him down as though he was planning on beating the living daylights out of him for mentioning Lita, but of course it was only in jest.

"I've always thought of Ami as someone who doesn't even think about sex." Andy explained, "It doesn't seem to concern her and I know when she finally is intimate with someone it'll be that much more special because she's never had a sordid thought in her life."

"You realize that's a complete and utter fantasy, right?" Nephrite asked in all seriousness. Andy just laughed and took a drink of his beer.

"Thinking about her and … like, fucking toys and all that …" Andy shuddered, "It just completely ruins that fantasy."

"So you do fantasize about her?" Nephrite asked for clarification.

"What? No! Well…" Andrew fumbled, "Not like that!"

"Come on, Andy!" Nephrite teased him, "So you get your shit off to the innocent, unskilled, never-been-kissed type. There's nothing wrong with that!"

"It's not that simple, dude." Andrew shrugged, "I don't know. I feel like I don't measure up."

"In your pants?"

"Nephrite, come on!" his favored patron snapped at him, "You brought this topic up. I'm trying to be serious here."

"Well maybe that's the problem, Andy." Nephrite suggested in that mentor-like tone that he sometimes assumed in the strangest circumstances, "You're being _too_ serious about this."

"What do you mean?"

"You're going at Ami the wrong way." Nephrite told him, "Yeah, it's nice and noble that you think she's such an innocent, sweet girl and she's saving herself for marriage or whatever, but honestly… it's probably the complete opposite."

"What, you think she's secretly a prostitute?" Andrew laughed bitterly.

"No." Nephrite replied wryly, "But maybe, sometimes, she'd like to be."

"Huh?" Andy grunted.

"Maybe little miss shy, prim and proper isn't waiting around for Prince Charming to wax all poetic about how beautiful and pure-hearted she is." Nephrite offered, "Maybe she wants to be lusted after. Maybe what she _really_ wants is to be a little dirty sometimes."

Andy's eyebrows had risen several centimeters and he whispered, "You think so?"

"Maybe she fantasizes about you, bro." Nephrite encouraged, "And maybe she doesn't see you as the polite, recently-rich, charity-conscious, hands-to-yourself altar boy that you are." Nephrite clenched his hand into a fist and pointed at Andy, "Maybe her Fantasy Andy is a bit more aggressive; a real player who isn't afraid to get kinky and take care of her darkest desires."

Andy was breathing hard now and Nephrite was sure that under the bar where he couldn't see Andy was having some issues in the confines of his pants. The ex-realtor grabbed his beer of the counter and chugged just to have something else to do. Nephrite laughed heartily and refilled his own mug. He knew that Andy was at heart a good guy, but he deserved a guiding hand once in a while. Nice guys didn't always have to finish last, but then again they didn't _always_ have to be nice either.

Fortunately for Zoisite, who had entered through the back door of the restaurant and hidden behind the dividing wall eavesdropping on the whole conversation being not-so-nice was no problem. Ami had started playing a game with him earlier that day and now there seemed to be some cause to back it up. She wasn't trying to trick Zoisite into believing she knew more about their past lives than she let on. She was completely in the dark about that! She was just…

"Flirting." Zoisite grinned mischievously.

This might actually be fun…

* * *

Usagi was having trouble sleeping. It had nothing to do with the ridiculous summer humidity in the city; she had an air conditioner to handle that. It wasn't her allergies keeping her up; she had medication. It wasn't the lingering memory of Mamoru, though she had spent a considerable amount of time pondering the subject. It wasn't even the unpleasant memories of that man Kunzite. Well… actually, it was. It just wasn't _her_ memories of Kunzite that were keeping her awake night after night.

Mina tossed and turned in the room next to her. Usagi heard every creak that her bed made, every thump of her fist, feet, and other assorted body parts against the wall, and every moan of ecstasy that escaped her roommate's lips from her self-inflicted euphoria.

"Kunzite! Yes!" she screamed from the next room. Something heavy hit the wall; probably the back of her head, "Ohgodohgodohgod…."

Usagi smashed a pillow over her face and covered her ears. How long could she possibly keep this up? She'd been at it for at least a half hour… Sure, she knew her flirtatious friend had certain needs to fulfill. They'd talked about it; it wasn't an everyday topic, but it came up every so often. Mina had always been rather respectful of Usagi's privacy in those matters and she herself practiced a measure of restraint. The walls of their shared apartment weren't that thick. But this… this was something else entirely. Mina never nursed a crush this long. She never screamed names like she was living a fantasy; she just, well… got the job done and went to sleep.

Finally after what seemed like an hour Mina had either exhausted herself or reached one hell of a climax because Usagi heard the bed in the next room creak with the weight of a collapsing body that didn't want to rise again. _Finally._ She closed her eyes, briefly flirting with a jealous thought as to Mina's longevity when she heard something outside her bedroom door. Mina was down for the count, that much was obvious, but Usagi still felt compelled to investigate. She crawled out of bed and padded her way across the room into the hallway. She halted dead in her tracks when she heard it again.

Someone was scratching at the door. It didn't sound like they were trying to pick the lock or even work the knob loose it just sounded like… scratching. Usagi crept slowly along the hallway with her back to the wall. When she reached the kitchen she made a mad, silent dash behind the counter and grabbed one of the larger knives from the sink; better safe than sorry. She moved as quietly as she could and finally put her eye up to the magnifying peep hole in the center of the door, but she couldn't see anything in the dark hallway beyond. She grabbed the latch of the deadbolt and turned it so slowly that it gave off no sound as the bolt slid out and back. The scratching hadn't ceased.

_Turn around and go back to bed._

The rational part of her brain had been firing off orders like that since she got out from under her sheets. She placed a hand on the door knob and began ever so slightly to turn it. _Scratch. Scratch. Scratch._ Usagi swallowed hard, and wasting no more time or tension she yanked the door open and leapt backward with the knife held out in front of her.

There was a woman on the floor outside the door leaning up against the jamb. The nails of one of her hands had been worn down so far that she was bleeding from the cuticles. She was wearing an elegant dark gown that had been worn threadbare time and neglect. She looked almost as if she had wandered in from some high school dance or royal banquet, but took every side street and shortcut through the wilderness and seedy back alleys to get there. Her eyes were cast down at the floor, but were wide and red from dryness. Usagi was chilled by the sight of her and reminded of _Carrie_ with her wild-eyed, unstable glare. The strange woman had long black hair that would normally have been rather striking, but was now scraggly and greasy. There was an opal diadem hanging on her forehead; at least I would have been if one of the golden chains holding it hadn't broken. Now it laid limp over one cheek.

"Hello?" Usagi asked worriedly and knelt down next to the woman, "Hey, are you alright?"

The black-haired one-time beauty cocked her head towards Usagi and her glaring, empty eyes suddenly flared with black fire. The woman's pale face flushed red with wild anger and she stopped scratching at midair with her bloody claw of a hand. She reached out with her free hand, sharp nails piercing Usagi's long t-shirt and roughly pulled the pigtailed young woman close to her fanged maw.

"YOU!" she screamed into Usagi's face and, somehow, into her very soul.

She could do little more than cry out helplessly. The creature in front of her did the same, but hers was a counterpoint of uncontrollable rage while Usagi's was a cry of fear.

"YOU!" the woman screamed again and her other hand reached towards the door of Usagi's apartment. Her fingers dug into the drywall and she tore away a piece of the wooden molding around the door which snapped off into a crude, jagged spike.

The black-haired vagrant thrust the makeshift skewer down at her terrified prey, but at the last moment a blinding flash of light seared across her face and blinded her. The woman rose with unnatural grace and speed and, turning down the hallway, was gone in an instant.

Usagi lay there panting in terror for several minutes. She was slow to realize that there was even another presence nearby. When she looked up she was met by the concerned face of Mina as well as their landlord and several other tenants of the apartment building who were awakened by her screams.

"The police are on their way, Usagi." Mina promised her, "The neighbors said they saw a woman running down the hall to the fire escape. Whoever it was, they'll find her."

Usagi only nodded in reply. No police force no matter how large or skilled would find this woman if she didn't want to be found, that much was certain. She felt something aside from terror, loathing, and the imminent reality of her own demise. She felt that she knew that crazed creature. What struck her most was the look of fear in the dark lady's eyes when she released Usagi and ran away. Something had deterred her; something that the insane woman feared more than anything in the world.

Usagi turned and looked towards the end of the hall. She didn't know why she hadn't noticed it earlier. The jagged chunk of molding that nearly sent her to her grave was pinned to the wall between two large radiators.

Sticking out of the piece of the wood and holding it secure to the drywall was, impossibly, a white rose.

* * *

Several weeks passed and through observation Ares discovered that Rei's erratic sleeping behavior followed a pattern. He was unsurprised to find that Rei's nocturnal disappearances occurred during the full moon. Ares was patient, as was dictated by Zoisite's lessons. He did not act during the next full moon and waited a whole month to allay any suspicions a certain house cat might have entertained. Ares did not delight in the prospect of deceiving Luna, but she was as stubborn as her master could be. Either of them, now that he thought of it…

Ares felt a pang of sorrow pull at his heart as he lay silent in the night before the next full moon. The thought of Luna's true master called forth images from the shared memories of Endymion and Mamoru. Those visions of the Princess and of carefree Usagi dredged emotions to the surface that had lain dormant since the inception of this new personality. For as much as he shared the memories and experiences of Endymion and Mamoru, Ares was a distinct being. He was, in a way, the person that the Mamoru of _this_ day and age should be: a perfect union of his past lives.

Still, there was no reason to dwell on the unattainable. Ares was not Mamoru, nor was he Endymion. For all his intelligence and resourcefulness he was, unfortunately, just a dog with an overdeveloped, magical brain filled with someone else's memories.

That night, just before Rei got home from work Ares stalked around the kitchen chewing on something: the sleeping pill he had squirreled away from Rei. It was hard work to precisely grind something with primitive muscles and a too-long snout. He concentrated hard so as not to swallow the powdered medication. As he ambled his way through the kitchen Ares stopped, let his tongue loll out of his mouth, and the powdered pill mingled with saliva drooled into Luna's food bowl. With any luck Rei wouldn't notice it when she emptied a can of Fancy Feast for the purple feline and Luna would be none the wiser when she ingested it. Ares only hoped that whatever magical matrices allowed the cat to speak would protect her from a possible overdose of a human's sleep-inducing drug.

"I'm sorry about this, Luna." Ares mumbled to himself. Luna was fast asleep two rooms away basking in the rays of the sun spilling through the living room windows.

When the cat awoke Ares spoke pleasantries, chatted about nothing, and waited by the door for Rei as he always did. The young woman came home, tussled on the floor with her pets for a few minutes, and then got them their dinner. Ares chomped on his tasteless dry kibbles and watched through one eye as Luna literally licked her bowl clean.

Several hours later Ares awoke and looked up at Rei's bed to find it vacant. Somehow he always missed the moment that she got up and left, but he couldn't afford the time to contemplate that. He looked up at Luna's perch on the window, but did not see the cat. His heart leapt in his chest when he gazed down at the floor and saw Luna laying motionless, paws-up on the carpet. He cautiously crept forward with his front paws pulling him along and nudged Luna with his cold nose. A sound like a zipper escaped from Luna's mouth and she rolled onto one side. Her chest rose and fell at an incredibly slow rate, but she didn't stir. Ares let out a sharp, stifled bark to be sure. Luna didn't move.

"Sweet dreams." Ares thought out loud and turned to the bedroom door to begin the annoying task of trying to open it without thumbs.

Twenty minutes later he made his way towards the door leading to the basement and growled angrily at the deadbolt that seemed to mock him. He knew there was no possible way he could undo the lock, but he also knew that door was not the only entrance to the basement. Wasting no time at all he climbed up onto the recliner near one of the windows of the living room which Rei tended to leave open to circulate air. It only took a moment for his paws and snout to tear through the screen and he awkwardly shimmied his canine body out the window and down onto the dew-soaked grass outside Rei's home.

The moon was high in the sky and Ares estimated it to be about 2:00AM; still early enough in the evening to finish his investigation, still late enough at night so that no one would be around to see him breaking in through the basement windows. Those windows were even smaller than the one he had just climbed out of, but they were hinged and made of relatively thin glass. If he couldn't manage to force one open with leverage he calculated that one good head butt would probably shatter them. Thankfully it didn't come down to the more dangerous alternative and after working one of the basement windows with his paw and the top of his head for about five minutes it finally creaked open, inward, and allowed him the precious inches needed to squeeze through.

When Ares dropped into the basement he was relieved to find that he felt no other presence in the room like he did the last time. He carefully stepped across the floor, subconsciously weaving around the pale shafts of moonlight seeping into the basement through the thin windows. He moved past the droning furnace towards the other end of the basement; towards the simple, strange white door that he had seen down here before. Just as before there was a faint glow emanating around the surprisingly well-fit seams of the doorway. The door was once again held shut by a simple chunk of wood on a nail axle. Whatever the light was behind the door, Ares realized it shouldn't have been there. Rei was not careless enough to leave lights on in the house, especially not one in the ill-used basement.

Ares suddenly found himself apprehensive, as though something inside him was tugging him back towards the window and the waiting moonlight. Part of him wanted to look behind the simple door, but part of him wanted to ignore the mystery completely and walk away. Two schools of thought battled for control of Ares' choice, but in the end his inquisitive nature won out. He jumped up, put his front paws on the door and nudged the wooden latch open with his snout. When he dropped back down onto all fours the door slowly began to creak open as more and more light spilled into the room.

"No. Not light." Ares thought to himself, horrified, "Fire."

He realized too late that the door was part of some type of magic spell. While the door was shut nothing could get out and that included sound. When the door was open, however, a terrible, ear-piercing, non-stop cry of endless despair filled the room, the house, and the streets beyond. Ares was pummeled by a howling wind as scorching hot as the sands of a desert. He tried to shield his eyes, but had no hands with which to do it, so he simply stared straight ahead and endured it.

The room beyond the door was screaming with fire. The rough-hewn bricks and cinderblocks that made up the foundations were white-hot, but there was no smoke to accompany the blazing inferno. At the center stood an X-shaped cross of wood. Rei was standing there amidst the conflagration surrounded by the flames. Her arms and legs were tied to the cross. Her eyes were white and her mouth was open, issuing that thundering, endless scream. She was not yet consumed by the flames, but she seemed to be on fire.

"Rei!" Ares barked trying desperately to approach and save her, but the heat emanating from the shrieking, blazing room was unbearable.

Rei's head pitched forward. Her white, empty eyes stared straight at him and bore burning holes into the pit of his soul. The woman tied to this cross was not Rei; it couldn't be. The malevolence he felt beating off of her in wave after scorching wave was far beyond anything the combined memories of Endymion and Mamoru had ever felt in all their long years of battle. She seemed to be struggling; not because of the intensity of the flames, but because of the cross that held her. She was trying to break free! She was trying to attack him!

All of this passed in a moment and Ares was surprised when he heard a second voice bellow from the room, "YOU FOOL!"

A red haze spilled over his vision and a sharp, searing pain shot across his face. He felt the slice of blades across his right eye and howled in pain and fought to stagger away. Blood fell in thick drops onto the concrete floor and his already poor canine eyesight was reduced to half its usefulness. A second swipe near his face was dodged and when Ares fell back into a stream of the moonlight he finally saw his attacker. A shadow grew large against the glow of the inferno and a white creature raced up to him with vicious, sharpened claws bared in his direction. The slim feline looked terrible, as though it hadn't eaten in months. Its fur was ragged and its eyes were sunken into their sockets. Every remaining hair on its body was singed by fire.

"My god!" Ares sputtered, "Artemis?"

"You fool." The haggard cat berated him again and cast a vengeful, worried glance over his shoulder at the room where Rei stood burning, "You may have doomed us all!"


	27. This Wheel's On Fire

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: This Wheel's On Fire

Ares pawed backward cautiously. His blinded eye was throbbing with searing pain, but it was all for naught. Every message of danger and warning that his wound was bombarding his brain with went unheeded in the light of the blazing inferno which it seemed threatened to consume the world.

"You insolent, arrogant fool!" the charred white remnants of a noble cat named Artemis insulted him.

"Artemis!" Ares coughed desperately. The heat was just unbearable. If they didn't get out of that room quickly he was sure they would all die from exposure.

Beyond the threshold of the doorway Rei's prolonged scream of agony intensified and redirected itself solely toward the wounded canine. Ares' one useful eye took in the dread apparition again and his fur became like needles. The hellish, white-orange glow had seared itself into Ares' eyelids like a camera flash and every time he blinked he saw the silhouette of the burning woman thrashing and wailing against her bonds.

Above him Ares heard the sound of claws against wood. There were muffled, feline screams from above calling out for Artemis. Luna had apparently managed to stir from her medicinal slumber. Ares' gaze didn't shift from the room of fire.

"Remind you of anything?" Artemis demanded of him through haggard, defeated breaths.

"What?" Ares gasped.

"No… of course you don't remember." Artemis spat in utter revulsion, "You simply bided your time; insulated from it all within your private little Elysian." The cat's eyes narrowed sharply, "I can imagine you lounging in your green fields, the maenads peeling grapes for you as you sipped on honey mead while the world burned."

"I don't know what…" Ares tried to respond, but the incessant, endless screams from the helpless woman burning alive in the next room could not be ignored, "For god's sake, Artemis! _Help_ her!"

Ares heard the scuttling of claws against concrete and a midnight blur streaked across the room. Luna slammed headlong into the open wooden door and wailed loudly against the heat and pressure as she put every ounce of her tiny mass into moving the heavy slab. Her momentum proved to be enough and the door swung shut with a heavy slam and the roar of flame and the tormented screams of the Fire Senshi were mercifully silenced. Luna collapsed, legs sprawled, and panted in terrified exhaustion.

"She… is…" the lunar feline stammered, "… beyond … our help."

"Luna!" Artemis shrieked and raced to her side. He nuzzled his cold nose into Luna's neck and cried a sigh of relief.

"Luna…" Ares started, astonished, horrified, and confused, "Artemis… will she…?" He didn't dare finish the question.

"It only lasts for as long as the moon is full." Luna spoke slowly and cautiously, "It will be over soon."

"Thank god." Ares cried and finally allowed himself to sit. Tears ran down the side of his snout and stung his wounded eye, but the pain was welcome for the news of Rei's apparent survival.

"God?" Artemis laughed dismissively, "No god would allow her to suffer like this."

"What's happened to her?" Ares asked hesitantly.

"I'm sorry." Luna apologized bitterly and shook her head side to side, "I should never have mentioned anything about what happened. I should have left the past in the past." She closed her eyes painfully tight to hold back the tears, "Where it belongs."

"What do you mean?" the displaced monarch asked.

"She doesn't need to explain anything to _you_." Artemis harshly replied.

"Artemis, I'm not an enemy." Ares spoke plaintively, "It's me! Endymion!"

At the sound of the name Artemis' fur stood on end. He leapt over Luna's prone body, dug his claws into the rough stone, and began hissing and spitting like a feral animal. It was such a marked departure from the rather jovial and stately feline that Ares gasped aloud.

"Artemis!" Luna shouted defensively and struggled to stand up.

"You don't have to defend him, Luna." Artemis' words stung the princely canine again.

"Artemis, I swear to you!" Ares pleaded and bowed his head down between his paws submissively, "I don't know what I've done to incur your anger, but I swear to you that my only goal is to make right whatever has befallen _all_ of us."

"Noble as always." Artemis scoffed. His fur relaxed on his back, but he remained indignant, "But your chance has passed, Prince. Our time is over."

Ares shook his head in disbelief and desperation, "Artemis please!" he snapped, "Tell me what happened!"

"There's nothing we can do now." Artemis continued in his cryptic way, "You've released what we've tried to keep suppressed for years. It's only a matter of time until…"

"Artemis, we don't know that for certain!" Luna snapped at her companion.

"She's coming." Artemis growled in his throat and then lashed out again, "We've done all of this for nothing!" his paw arced backwards to point at Rei's simple cage.

"Luna, what his he saying?" Ares pleaded desperately trying to understand.

"Prince…" Luna sighed heavily and her head hung low, almost to the floor between her paws, "I'm afraid some of the things I have told you recently were not…" she paused, hesitated, "… not entirely accurate."

"You mean you lied to me?" Ares accused, though not nearly as surprised as he felt he should have been in that moment.

"You must understand." Luna attempted, "Artemis and I, the things I told you; all of it was meant to keep you safe."

"_Them_." Artemis corrected Luna fiercely, "It was meant to keep _Them_ safe, not you, Endymion."

"Them?" Ares surmised, "You're talking about the girls, aren't you? The _senshi_?"

Luna only stared back at him in reply. There were no words needed between them.

"Keep them safe from what?" Ares demanded.

Ares began to feel a familiar swell of protective rage building within him. He recalled the feeling from Mamoru's memories each time the man donned his Tuxedo in defense of Sailor Moon. He recalled the same burning sensation each time Endymion would take up his sword to protect Serenity.

"Metalia." Luna answered, not daring to meet his gaze.

Ares practically leapt at the name. One clear memory that he had out of all the scattered fragments was the demon queen's unquestionable defeat at his own hands alongside Sailor Moon.

"She was destroyed." Ares muttered through his fangs.

"Defeated." Artemis corrected him, "But not destroyed."

"I was there, Artemis." The canine vessel of Endymion spoke powerfully, "I watched that creature die."

"It's rather amazing you remember that, Endymion." Artemis scoffed at him, "Considering she _killed_ everyone else."

"I did what I had to do!" Ares roared, furious that his unquestionable decision to stand by Sailor Moon and fight the demon queen to the end was being challenged, "I would have gladly laid down my life with the _senshi_, but I survived."

"Yes. You _survived_." Artemis absolutely seethed over the word and all the unknown implications that it carried, "Are you starting to get the picture now?"

"What do you mean?" Ares questioned his tormentor.

"You were _supposed_ to die there, Endymion!" Artemis bellowed, spitting in his face.

Ares' memory suddenly surged and he recalled the moments leading up to the final battle against Metalia. He vaguely recalled his own shackling to Metalia's will; those few painful moments when he remembered being her puppet wracked him with guilt. He remembered openly attacking Sailor Moon and his brave, broken Moon Princess raising her sword against him and then …

* * *

_The world around him was black. They had been consumed by the ever-growing presence of Metalia. Somehow the demon had managed to engulf the Ginzuishou. The Senshi had given their lives to stop the monster's rampage, but even their sacrifice had been in vain. The world was covered with Metalia's darkness and Mamoru was blind, but somehow he was still alive. He remembered the piercing blow of the sword, the rush of power as Metalia left him, and the empty agony he felt as the wounded Earth cried out to him while Metalia tried to swallow it whole._

_He brushed a hand into the pocket of his tuxedo and felt the torn fabric of his shirt and the tender bruise of the sword where a gushing, gaping wound should have been. He felt the hard, cold surfaces of four small objects within his pocket and pulled them out in his fist. Through the blackness he saw the stones shining, but growing dimmer by the second as they began to crack. Those four stones; those simple effigies were now the only remnants of the once-noble Shitennou who served him so long ago…_

"_Kunzite. Jadeite. Nephrite. Zoisite." The ghostly voice inside his head spoke from out of the memory, "It was you, wasn't it? You blocked the blow of the sword for me?"_

"_You saved my life…"_

* * *

"The Shitennou." Ares spoke out of the haze of his dreamy memory.

"Not even death could keep them away from you." Artemis told him gravely, "Thanks to your Shitennou their Master lived… and everyone else died."

"That's not possible." Ares denied the accusations for the first time.

"You were under Metalia's control!" Artemis berated him again, "She infected you with her power and you survived." Artemis was panting from screaming at him so much, "Don't you get it yet, Endymion? Because of you _She _survived as well!"

"Impossible…" Ares gulped. There was no way…

"Say it again and I'll rip out your other eye." Artemis threatened him with his deadly claws.

"That's enough, Artemis!" Luna growled and finally took to her paws again and stood.

"Where is she now?" Ares demanded. The cat's hesitation fueled his anger, "WHERE?"

"We don't know." Luna confessed.

Silence hung heavily in the room for several moments before the ebony feline shook her head and spoke again.

"I told you that after the battle we traveled to the D Point to find the _senshi's_ bodies, but they weren't there." Luna related the story again, "That much is true, but when we returned home we quickly discovered that each of the _senshi_ had been reborn."

"Reborn?" Ares asked.

"Not simply restored to the lives they lived before the Dark Kingdom attacked." Luna recalled, "They were born again into new bodies, new families. They were given the chance to start over."

"Until Metalia robbed them of that chance." Artemis spat.

"The families and friends of the _senshi_ were devastated by their disappearance." Luna continued, "The _ginzuishou_ made no provision to protect them from their deaths or alter their memories in any way. Metalia could not act directly, so she sought out those feelings of loss and despair and used it to fuel her revenge."

"She went after their families?" Ares gasped in horror.

"One by one they succumbed to depression and apathy." Luna continued morosely, "Families separated and fell apart. The Hikawa jinja was abandoned. All of the tragedy I spoke of was true." Luna hesitated and shivered, "As was the fire."

At the mention of the fire Ares reactively glanced towards the door behind which Rei, he assumed, was still bound burning on a cross. Mamoru's memories recalled the Crown parlour, the smiling face of his best friend Motoki, and the shattering image of what it would look like scorched and gutted.

"Yes." Luna spoke slowly, "I know what you're thinking and you're correct."

"Rei started the fire?" Ares gasped, terrified and feeling the unwelcome tug of guilt.

"She was only four, maybe five years old at the time." Artemis remembered with fondness tinged with sorrow, "But she was even more acutely attuned to her psychic powers than she was before, despite not knowing what they were or being able to control them."

"It was as much an accident as it was a defense mechanism." Luna explained, "Her parents had taken her to the Crown one day. The familiarity of that place from her previous life triggered her psychic powers and Metalia was drawn there immediately. Rei's elemental magic erupted, unfocused and uncontrolled to protect her."

"Ever since that terrible day, whenever there is a full moon it happens again." Artemis added, "Any familiar stimulus or reminder of her past life could trigger it, which is why we've tried to keep her isolated from the other girls, or the Shitennou." Artemis frowned, "Or you."

"We used what little magic was left to us and the few scraps of lost Silver Millennium technology that we had to magically insulate this room." Luna spoke and motioned to Rei's fiery prison, "That way, whenever the moon was full, she could be safely hidden away until it passed."

"But now, thanks to your damnable human curiosity, her power was allowed to escape." Artemis hissed at Ares defiantly, "Metalia will be drawn here; literally like a moth to flame. We had been safe here for years, but now it's all for nothing…"

"There has to be something we can do." Ares hoped.

"We can continue to shield Rei during her episodes, but Metalia will eventually arrive." Luna stressed, "This place is far from the _senshi's_ original homes in Tokyo. We deliberately chose to bring them here, to get as far away from familiar sights and sounds as we could just so this sort of thing wouldn't happen." Luna grimaced, "We were hidden here, but now the Demon Queen will feel Rei's familiar energy and she will be drawn to us."

"Why couldn't you have just died?" Artemis asked bluntly and Ares' lips pursed in a silent, shocked reply.

"Artemis…" Luna sighed ineffectively yet again.

"We can't just give up and wait for her to slaughter us." Ares told the cats through his haze of anger, shock and regret, "We're going to have to fight!"

"Only the _senshi_ can fight Metalia." Artemis replied heavily, "And the _senshi_ are gone."

"Sailor Mars certainly isn't." Ares observed, "Her elemental power is as strong as it's ever been. Surely the others would be able to tap into their powers as well."

"Rei doesn't remember these episodes." Luna told the canine king, "As far as she's concerned she just passes an uneventful night's sleep. This isn't memory that's causing her to call on her powers, its instinct."

"None of the girls seem to remember anything about their past lives." Artemis revealed, "And if I have to stand against Metalia myself to keep it that way, then so be it."

"I have access to the combined memories of Mamoru and Endymion, so there must be a way to restore theirs." Ares told the felines, "And I know that the Shitennou have retained at least some details of their past lives."

"They have?" Luna asked having seemed to have lost her breath midway through the sentence. Artemis stumbled where he stood and gasped as well.

"You didn't know that?" Ares asked, worried and confused.

"We haven't had dealings with the Shitennou." Artemis told him.

"If they retained their memories then it must because of their connection to you, er, with Endymion and Mamoru." Luna attempted to theorize, "Which means…"

"What?" Ares asked hesitantly.

"Gods…" Luna shivered, "They may still share your connection to Metalia." Luna took a step back out of fear, "She may be able to possess them as she did in the past. They could be dangerous!"

"No, you're wrong!" Ares defended the Heavenly Kings, "They've been watching over and protecting Mamoru; his memories prove it! They're not our enemies anymore."

"Those four miscreants allowed themselves to be taken in by Beryl's promises of power and they destroyed our Kingdom!" Artemis accused the absent Shitennou, "And then thousands of years later they tried to do it _again_!"

"I have had quite enough of your insolent tongue, cat!" the commanding voice of Endymion issued from Ares' canine throat at the accusation against his Shitennou, "This squabbling is leading nowhere!"

"If they were half as concerned with protecting their planet as they were with protecting their King then perhaps we'd stand a chance!" Artemis roared back, "But instead of hunting Metalia down and ridding the world of her forever, they spent years searching for their precious Master."

"What do you mean, searching?"Ares asked, "They've _always_ been with Mamoru; ever since he was reborn."

Luna and Artemis glanced at each other. A passing child with no idea of context could read the deceit in their eyes.

"What?" Ares asked, picking up on the obviously unspoken answer to this particular riddle.

"What is the earliest memory of Mamoru's that you can recollect?" Luna asked.

It took Ares a moment to access that particular area, but when he tried to recall something, anything at all, he was simply met with an indistinct feeling of déjà vu, as though he had performed this exercise before. It wasn't so much that he couldn't recall the memories; it was more like he couldn't remember where the memories were…

"I…" he stuttered, "I don't know."

"Hmm…" Luna wondered aloud. She was obviously guarding something, but was reluctant to reveal it, "Perhaps that is because of the trauma you've experienced and the multiple imprints left on the Golden Crystal."

"But you know what happened, don't you?" Ares asked, "It has something to do with Mamoru and the Shitennou, right? Tell me, Luna, please."

"It wouldn't matter if I did." Luna answered, "You wouldn't be able to understand."

"I'll be the judge of that." Ares demanded, "Tell me what happened!"

The lunar feline stubbornly shook her head, "It's irrelevant now."

"Not to me!" Ares screamed and let out a loud bark at the same time.

"Go ask your beloved Kings if you really want to know." Artemis grumbled at the displaced prince.

Ares needed no further lectures, revelations, or encouragement. He turned away from Luna, Artemis, and the burning room that held his dear friend Rei and climbed, paw after paw, up the stairs towards the front door of the house. He wasn't thinking about how he might let himself out. He would jump through a pane of glass if he had to. All that mattered was getting to the bottom of the feline's mystery and finding a way to defend against Metalia.

Something was nagging at the back of his mind, however, and that was the notion that what Luna said about the Shitennou might be true. If all of this, their tragedy and hardships, the persistence of the Demon Queen, if everything was truly his fault, then he would set it right. They were only doing their duty in protecting their Prince; in his eyes they were blameless.

But they were also vulnerable…

Ares shuddered to think that Metalia could manage to gain control over them again. They had suffered for long enough under her oppressive will and once they had rediscovered Mamoru they were more vigilant than ever in keeping him safe; even if Kunzite went a bit overboard with protecting the Golden Crystal.

Luna's cryptic words wrestled for his concentration again. Why couldn't he remember anything about Mamoru's earlier years? Why did it seem like he was looking at a map that was missing its legend when he went rooting around for those memories? Why did such a look of nagging guilt pass between Luna and Artemis when he mentioned Mamoru's rebirth? Or lack thereof…

Unless… the thought struck him hard. By this point Ares didn't even realize he had made his way out of Rei's house into the cool, damp night. He glanced up at the full moon which was beginning its descent towards the horizon. The thought took shape quickly, though no revelation accompanied it. It was just a theory: If Mamoru didn't die in the fight against Metalia, then there would be no reason for him to be reborn.

Yes. Obviously. It made sense, but if that was the case… what was Mamoru doing for all those years? The _senshi_ of the present day appeared to be in their early twenties. Mamoru should have been middle aged by now, but he appeared much as he did when they were fighting the Dark Kingdom.

Ares was running at full speed now. His canine sense of direction afforded him effortless directions through an unfamiliar set of streets and for once he was thankful for the dog's instincts instead of the clumsy rational mind of a human. He had to get to the Shitennou and find out what they knew. Hopefully somewhere within the answer to that mystery lay a clue as to how to proceed.

He could only hope and pray that he hadn't doomed them all to Metalia's wrath for a third time. No. This time it would be different. This time he wouldn't let a single drop of blood be spilled on his account. This time, if Metalia was to claim a life before she met her final end, then it would be His.

* * *

Considering her recent portrayal of Usagi at the Chamber of Commerce Christmas dinner, Mina was beginning to seriously consider a firm move toward realizing her dream of becoming a Hollywood starlet. That was, of course, if she could manage to pull off this next "audition." If she was going to find out anything more about the mystery that was Kunzite, she was going to have to dive right in and start with the man that kept him so on-edge: Mamoru.

Or, Darien Shields as it turned out…

She had forgone her trademark red bow today for a simple black band which she used to tie her massive waterfall of golden hair into a braided ponytail. She wore the most unassuming button-up shirt she could find, jeans, and a Members Only jacket which had been buried at the bottom of her closet since the mid 90's. She invested twelve dollars into a pair of thick-rimmed reading glasses to help sell the illusion and unearthed her ungodly expensive Canon SLR camera, its massive case full of situational lenses and even her tripod. She had no excuse but vanity for owning such a high-end piece of technology that she could barely use, but it would serve her well today. She also brought along a little backpack and filled it with a basic makeup kit, a few notepads, pens, and some basic Consent and Release forms that she bought at a local office supply store. She was nothing if not thorough in her acts of espionage.

Mina strode confidently up the stairs of an imposing office building and scooted her way through the revolving door to the receptionist's desk inside. A dark haired, middle-aged woman sat behind the U-shaped counter busily typing on a laptop with one hand while scrolling through something on an iPad with the other. Mina hoisted her camera bag off one shoulder and let it drop loudly onto the desk. The woman looked up and was met with trademark grin of the Goddess of Love and Beauty.

"Can I help you?" she asked, unimpressed.

"I'm here to see Mr. Shields." Mina answered coolly.

The receptionist's body language indicated that she was aggravated, but made an effort to show at least a little restraint in not sighing outwardly. She tapped a few keys on her laptop and shook her head.

"Mr. Shields doesn't have any appointments scheduled today." She answered tersely.

"Listen…" Mina began and bent down over the desk with her elbows propping her up so the receptionist could get a good look down her shirt, you know, just in case… "We both know that sometimes these things slip people's minds, or maybe we forget to write them down." Mina poked her thumb towards her camera case, "Now, I need to get maybe three or four decent shots of Mr. Shields for an article that the paper is running on him next week and I sure as hell don't want to have to go back to my boss empty-handed because somebody forgot to count their ducks before they got in a row."

"I'm sorry?" the receptionist blinked at the mangled aphorism.

"God, I am too." Mina was quick on the draw, "I don't mean to take up so much of your time; I know you're busy, but this will seriously take me about five minutes, then I'll be out of everyone's hair." She blinked her huge, blue eyes once, slowly, hoping to communicate some minor amount of innocence and purity.

The receptionist sighed, shook her head, and tapped at the laptop again, "Mr. Shields is in a meeting right now."

"I can wait in his office." Mina suggested quickly.

The receptionist let out an exhaustive sigh and finally acquiesced, "Fine. Let me print you a visitor's badge."

"Thank you _soooo_ much." Mina laid it on thick, "Really, you have no idea how much of a hassle you're saving me. I'm going to send you a Christmas card."

"Mmm… thanks." The receptionist muttered and handed Mina a blue clip-on badge loudly proclaiming **VISITOR**.

Mina scribbled an illegible name on the sign-in sheet that she was offered, clipped on her badge with a smile and practically skipped her way to the elevator doors. She poked the up arrow and the doors opened for her. She was halted in mid stride by the receptionist screaming "Miss!"

"Hmm?" she chirped and spun around to see the older woman shoving her black camera bag at her.

"Don't forget to take pictures while you're up there." The receptionist smiled facetiously at her and added a condescending little chuckle for effect.

Mina took her camera with an equally fake smile and stepped backwards into the elevator. As the doors closed she whispered under her breath, "Don't forget to be a bitch while you're down here!"

The elevator made its telltale ding and Mina glanced over her shoulder to make sure she was alone, which she was. She quickly pulled her iPhone out of her pocket and maneuvered her way through the menus to search the internet for Darien Shields. She quickly deduced the floor his office was located on thanks to a helpful LinkedIn listing and pushed the button labeled 12.

The elevator lurched upward and she began tapping her foot nervously as she took in the stainless steel box that surrounded her. The manufacturer's name, OTIS, was embossed just above the door and she chuckled at it.

"Otis." She giggled to herself, "Pleased to meet you."

The elevator dinged a second time and halted on the twelfth floor before Mina's unoccupied mind could get the better of her. She stepped out of the car into the carpeted hallway which was bordered on either side by rows of cubicles. At one end of the office she spied several large wooden doors with name placards that she couldn't read from this distance. She pulled the straps of her backpack and camera bag tight over her shoulders and walked swiftly across the office to the waiting doors on the other side.

She came up to the doors on the opposite the elevator and swiftly found the one labeled with Darien's name. She tested the knob which turned and clicked in her hand and she quickly slipped inside. She shut the door behind her and surveyed her surroundings.

Darien's office was sparse, plain, and somehow completely as she imagined it. He had a large cherry desk littered with papers and a laptop sitting half-open. There was a bookcase in the corner holding more papers and rows of books, mostly catalogs from industrial supply companies and binders with incredibly boring labels calling out OSHA regulations and site readiness reports. There was nothing in the room that explicitly revealed his title or official occupation, but she assumed that he as some sort of manager or consultant on this project that his inherited wealth was fueling.

The walls were bare except for one nondescript dollar-store painting of a vase of flowers that meant absolutely nothing and another framed artist's depiction of the completed Project Serenity complex. She approached his desk and noticed that he didn't have any of the obvious executive knick-knacks that most people would collect. No Newton's cradle, no Zen sandbox, no seashells from his trip to the Bahamas. No pictures.

"No pictures." She repeated in her head.

It seemed normal for a man of his age and status to forego such sentimental things as pictures on his desk, but at the same time very sad. Obviously, based on the utter cheerlessness of his work environment, he was not that warm of a man and he was probably very lonely.

Mina was lost in her analysis and didn't hear the door open behind her. She did, however hear the strained voice ask, "Can I help you with something?"

She whirled around at once and stood facing Darien Shields who was standing halfway in his office with his hand still on the doorknob and a pile of blueprints and binders jammed under the crook of his arm. His eyes were impassive, but betrayed a certain look of familiarity and anxiety.

"Darien?" Mina asked, "Mamoru? Do you recognize me?" he just stared at her so he continued, "It's Mina. We met at the Four Kings restaurant a while back. I was there with my friend Usagi."

"Do we, uh…" Darien stopped her forcefully, but stumbled, "Do we have an appointment?"

"I don't need a lot of your time, just a couple minutes to ask you—" Mina began, but she was cut off again.

"I think you'd better leave." Darien more or less ordered and dropped his armload of papers onto an unoccupied chair and motioned towards the door.

"Mamoru, Usagi has been talking a lot about you lately and she was worried sick after you passed out that night at the Four Kings." Mina told him, "She's been trying to get in touch with you, she just wants—"

"Darien!" the man in front of her shouted. She heard the surprised gasps of some of the workers in the office at the sound of his voice followed by an awkward silence, "Darien Shields. That's my name. That's my _place_ in the world. Mamoru and all the things he left behind are in the past now."

"Including Usagi?" she asked.

His answer was forced, but it stung nonetheless, "Yes."

Mina's blood began to boil at this man's careless discarding of her best friend. She came here for information about Kunzite, but nobody spoke about her Bunny like that, "You know, you really had an effect on her, god knows why. She thought you were the greatest thing since sliced cheese."

"I really don't have time for this." Darien groaned and rolled his eyes.

"All she wanted to do was get to know you better." Mina continued lecturing him, "She wasn't after your money or your job or any of this stuff that you didn't even knew you had until a few months ago. She just thought you were a _nice guy_." She crossed her arms and tisked, "Poor girl."

"I'm going to call security if you don't leave right now." Darien threatened. Obviously she was getting to him. Maybe a bit more might push him over the edge and then she could get whatever she wanted out of him.

"You really don't know what you're missing, buster." Mina continued in on him, "You probably didn't even notice, but she was at your little Christmas party when you announced your Project Serenity."

"She was?" Darien asked. Suddenly his interest seemed sparked. Mina's love-compass as she liked to caller her intuition into such matters was never wrong.

"Yes." Mina lied. Of course it was _her_ at that party, but it was Usagi as far as everyone else was concerned, "I'm sure she would've asked you to go with her, but nobody could get a hold of you for weeks! Of course, you were already there, what with your millions of dollars and multiple names."

"I…" Darien stuttered and then let out an aggravated breath, "I'm sorry. This has been a huge adjustment for me to make in my life. I'm still not through it."

"Yes, well I'm sure that you're just terribly broken up about it." She prodded him, "If it makes you feel any better, she told me she had a _lovely_ time at the party with your friend, Kunzite."

"K- Kunzite?" Darien stuttered. This was actually going somewhere!

"Mmm-hmm." She grinned, "She started working at the Four Kings restaurant. You probably didn't know that because you kept blowing her off, but yeah… they got pretty close. You might consider it their first date."

"That's…" Darien was struggling for words. Mina thought it looked as though his composure was slipping, but he didn't know the man as well as she had hoped, "That's fine."

"It is?" she asked, astonished.

"Yes." Darien answered curtly and shoved his way past her to his desk, "And I am extremely busy."

"Well, uh…" Mina stumbled and tried to quickly regain her footing, "What about Kunzite? You should talk to him! Or maybe I could."

"I don't care what you do." Darien snipped at her.

"Could I trouble you for a phone number?" Mina got snippy right back.

Darien met eyes with her, those terrible dark eyes that Usagi had once completely lost herself in, the crazy girl. There was an emotion in his eyes, but she couldn't be sure if it was profound sorrow, or endless frustration.

"I don't have it." He answered slowly.

"Don't have it?" she echoed and then let out a singular chuckle, "How could you not have it? Isn't he your best friend or something?"

"No." Darien grumbled.

"Oh, right. Kunzite must be in the past with Usagi and the rest of your friends and all the other things that Mamoru had that don't fit into your new life." Mina cut him deeply, "Because obviously inheriting a lot of money and finding out your real name means that you just start from scratch and abandon all the people who made you who you are!"

She was screaming by the end and that unwelcome, hushed silence fell over the office again. In a few heavy strides which she heard coming from across the hall, a large man in a dark suit with an earbud in his left ear just beneath his military style crew cut placed himself firmly in the doorway and glowered at Mina.

"Sir, is everything all right in here?" the broad-shouldered man asked threateningly.

"Uh." Mina answered dumbly. She might have been impressed and aroused by this formidable man-mountain if she wasn't so sure that he wanted to crush her tiny head.

"Everything's fine." Darien assured the large man, "My guest and I were just finishing up our little chat."

Mina meekly nodded and shuffled towards the door without looking over her should to see if Darien was gloating at his victory. She assumed he wasn't, but the image stuck in her mind anyway. She would surely tell Usagi that he did.

"You want me to make sure she finds the exit?" the huge man asked boomingly as Mina walked past him.

"I think she'll be fine on her own." Darien eased him back, "Oh, Mina?"

She stopped tensely and turned her head just enough to see his outline in the corner of her eye. After this episode she wanted nothing more to do with Darien Shields or the man he used to be.

"If you happen to speak to Kunzite." He said and then paused, wrangling the difficult words. The son of a bitch was holding back whatever he really wanted to say. His poker face was terrible…

"Yes?" Mina prodded him.

"Tell him I said…" Darien finished on a rather grim, challenging tone of voice, "Good luck."


	28. Going Mobile

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Going Mobile

Zoisite's teeth were chattering in his mouth very much in time with the rumble of the jackhammers across the street from the Four Kings Bar and Grill. Another slew of weeks passed by with only the loud, rowdy construction workers and hopelessly lost tourists offering any kind of patronage to their once well-patronized establishment. It was the middle of the week; possibly Wednesday, but he thought for some reason that it felt like a Thursday. In truth it really didn't matter what day it was. It wasn't like they were looking forward to the weekend since they all worked seven days a week and they weren't waiting on a paycheck to drop because they all paid themselves whenever they felt like it straight out of the till.

The year seemed to fly past at an ungodly rate. It seemed like only yesterday their little gang was gearing up to crash the Chamber of Commerce Christmas party and then it was spring again, despite winter hanging on for as long as humanly possible. Zoisite shivered and silently thanked the rotation of the earth for putting them back on the sun's good side.

"Anybody see any good movies lately?" Andrew asked from his usual position at the bar.

The gathered crowd grunted an ensemble reply of disinterest and Andy shrugged and went back to studying his dark brown ale. Nephrite was slouched so far over his bar propped up by his palms on his face that he was practically laying down. Zoisite and Jadeite were sitting opposite their comrade, with an empty stool between them and Andy's VIP section.

Lita stood next to Nephrite leaning on one arm while she idly flipped through a cutlery catalog with the other hand. For all intents and purposes she was now an employee of the Bar & Grill, having taken over the majority of culinary duties during the evening when they saw their greatest spike in activity, a position once filled by the absent Kunzite. Nephrite was glad to have her there, of course, but the endless hours they spent at the restaurant day after day was still severely cutting into the amount of downtime he could spend with her. When they did have a day off that intersected half the time neither of them wanted to do anything but sleep.

In front of Jadeite sat a pile of shredded paper from a napkin that he had absentmindedly torn up while sitting at the bar waiting for something to occur to snap him out of his bored stupor. He grabbed his left hand with his right hand and began cracking each knuckle in turn. By the time he reached his middle finger Zoisite was glaring angrily at him and Nephrite looked about ready to brawl.

"Sorry." He mumbled ineffectively.

Such was the content of a majority of their days now that the far end of town where their isolated little Eden resided had become a cacophonous Sodom of machine-raped earth. About the only thing they could stay positive about in their current predicament was that the excessive amount of free time they had only served to strengthen the analogies they crafted to describe their woes.

After another dreadful few minutes of silence, Jadeite spoke up, "You guys want to get out of here today?"

Nobody answered, so Jadeite answered his own question.

"'Cause I sure wouldn't mind just taking off." he elaborated, "Lock the place up and go."

"Go where?" Lita mumbled uninterested but polite.

"I dunno…" Jadeite stalled, "Anywhere."

"We could go see a movie or something." Andy suggested.

"Jesus Tree-Fucking Christ, Andy…" Nephrite unhelpfully swore, "Give the movies a rest, huh?"

"Hey!" Lita gasped. Even she was taken somewhat aback by Nephrite's searing admonishment.

"What the hell, dude?" Andy demanded, obviously surprised at the reaction.

"Fucking movies…" Nephrite grumbled incoherently.

"I don't hear any big ideas from you, ass." Andy, in a rare moment of brazen showmanship dared to challenge the larger, stronger, more verbally abusive King.

And Nephrite looked ready to pounce…

"Guys, settle down!" Zoisite interrupted the escalation, "I know we're all bored out of our minds, but for God's sake let's try to keep it civil. Go fucking play darts or something… Christ."

"Well shit, look at the big sacks on Zoi and Andy today!" Nephrite announced condescendingly, "You boys get a shot of Viking jizz in your lattes this morning?"

"Dude, this is cabin fucking fever if I've ever seen it." Jadeite added his two cents, "If we don't do something to snap us out of this soon we're going to end up murdering the shit out of one another."

Lita's hand jerked slightly on the page she was flipping in her cutlery magazine and gave a little tear, but she managed to force down the bile in her throat without drawing any undue attention. Nephrite's hand moved swiftly below the bar and reassuringly squeezed her thigh as his eyes threatened to ignite the oblivious Jadeite where he stood like a pile of dry leaves. If there was one thing he would never do with this group of misfits it would be to reveal Lita's childhood trauma.

"Maybe it wouldn't hurt for you guys to get out of here for a few days." Andrew suggested.

"I don't have the money to take a vacation right now." Zoisite whined, "And it would be just our luck that the place would suddenly decide to be busy as shit the day we weren't here."

"Fuck that." Jadeite opined, "I'm sick of milling around this place day after day with nothing to show for it. And I'm twice as sick of worrying whether business will pick up or if the next day is going to be the day we file our Chapter Eleven."

"I think you guys spend a little too much time worrying about things you can't control." Lita keenly observed, "I mean I know you haven't really been riding high lately, but you can't let it consume your every waking thought."

"Yeah, miserable sheep." Nephrite intoned.

Lita's head tilted backward to stare up into Nephrite's eyes hovering above her and she smirked at him, "You're not much better, my dear."

"_My dear."_ Playful, yes. Tongue-in-cheek, yes. It really didn't matter; Nephrite ate that shit up.

"What if we just got in the car right now and started driving?" Jadeite offered, "What's the worst thing that could happen? Our finances suck the way it is; a couple days shut down isn't going to sink us if we haven't sunk already."

"Where would we go?" Zoisite complained more than inquired, "And who's paying for gas?"

"It doesn't matter _where_, Zoi." Jadeite began waxing philosophical, "It's just the idea of movement. We've been stuck here for so long doing nothing that we need to get up and physically go somewhere else to shake ourselves out of this slump."

"We could always throw some sleeping bags in the trunk and head for the mountains." Andy thought aloud, "A few days alone out in nature? Breakfast over the campfire?"

"Ugh. I hate sleeping bags." Zoisite paled at the thought, "Like oversized sausage casings. Uhhhghh… no thanks."

"Then we can just _drive_." Jadeite stressed, "We don't really need to _go_ anywhere. I just want to be in motion instead of standing around here watching the rest of my sorry-ass friends stand around and be miserable with me."

"I haven't had a good old-fashioned road trip in a long time." Andrew stated excitedly.

"We'll toss some food and some booze in cooler and just see where the road takes us." Jadeite pressed the issue, "It'll make us feel better, I promise."

"I've got nothing holding me back if you guys want to go." Lita told them.

"Shit, son." Nephrite seemed to be caving, "Maybe. We'll see. Kind of getting hungry right now."

"We'll stop at a diner." Jadeite promised knowing full well of Nephrite's fondness for chromed-out roadside chop-shops, "With spoons greasier than ours."

"I dunno, I was kind of feeling like making ribs tonight. It's been a while." Nephrite rubbed his chin, "Unless we can figure out a way to rig up the barbecue pit to the back of the Jeep."

"Now _that_ would be a powerful maneuver." Andrew applauded.

After that… silence.

People sometimes fantasize about cosmic events taking shape during eclipses, or when the planets fall into alignment. This Wednesday (or Thursday) afternoon featured neither. It was simply one of those inexplicable moments when the light of reason shone down on a collection of weary minds and suddenly all were unburdened in the warm, basking glow of a collective idea. First came the shock; then the undeniable awe.

"Holy shit." Nephrite spoke first, the barest inkling of a smile tugging at his lower lip.

"I just had the same fucking idea." Jadeite agreed, shaking his head in slow, methodical strokes.

"It's brilliant." Zoisite added, for once on board with this mystical revelation.

"What private epiphany are you guys having?" Lita asked both irked and interested.

"We've got to take this show on the road." Nephrite told her and slung his arm around her shoulders which surprised, but didn't offend.

"Uhh…" Andy droned incoherently.

"Meals on wheels, son." Nephrite explained in his gruffly exuberant way, "Like a god damned chuck wagon out on the Oregon Trail."

"Little help?" Andy nodded towards Jadeite who seemed to have inadvertently sparked this idea.

"We're going to take the Bar and Grill on the road." Jadeite answered with a huge, confident grin.

"What?" Lita asked astonished and suddenly aroused at the thought, "You mean like catering?"

"More like a mobile eatery for our downtrodden clientele who dare not risk the perils of our little corner of the city!" Zoisite announced and swept his hand in front of his eyes as though he beheld an impressive marquee that no one else could see.

"Sons of bitches don't want to come down on this end of town for the tough love anymore, so we've got to bring it to them." Nephrite elucidated in his splendidly working-class way.

"Ohh… I get it!" Andy chimed in and snapped his fingers, "You want to do something with, like, a vending truck?"

"Right, yeah…" Lita's eyes were beginning to light up with this prospect as well, "Oh, shit! What do they call those trucks that drive around in the industrial parks?"

"Huh?" Jadeite asked.

"It's basically what you're talking about, but they have a special name!" Lita turned to Nephrite, "You know what I mean, right? They go to the factories and construction sites when the workers go on their lunch breaks?"

"Ohhh…" Nephrite recalled from his days as a construction foreman, "The roach coach?"

"Fuck yeah!" Lita exclaimed and Nephrite's skin buzzed. God _damn_ he loved it when she swore…

"Oh, Christ…" Zoisite suddenly lapsed into dread, "We're not calling it that."

"The fuck we aren't." Nephrite countered him immediately.

"Jesus…"

"That's what we _have_ to call it, Zoi." Jadeite defended the argument, "Think of it as overcoming the adversity of a stereotype. We're not going to sell moldy pizza and week-old gyros. We're going to have the same shit we make here, all done right inside the truck!"

"The Four Kings Roach Coach." Nephrite strung the words together, "We need a badass logo of the four of us riding a huge fucking cockroach with a mushroom cloud in the background."

"Holy shit, I can't breathe…" Andy choked out through his painfully welcome fits of laughter. Just like that the doldrums had passed.

"Ahh… hang on, just a second." Jadeite groaned and spun around in his chair to face the group, "We're getting ahead of ourselves, aren't we?"

"Don't kill my momentum, Jed." Nephrite threatened and punched a fist into his hand for effect.

"I mean, we're low enough of funds the way it is." Jadeite, who had taken over Kunzite's bookkeeping duties, explained, "This is going to be a huge investment…"

"Guys…" Andy spoke up, having regained his composure enough to speak, "If you need me to spot you some greenbacks to get this idea rolling, just say the word."

"Oh, dude!" Jadeite exclaimed, "We can't expect you to do that!"

"Listen, you guys are like family to me." Andy spoke with his customarily shy warmth, "Despite how rocky everything started off and all this shit lately with Mamoru." He looked at each one of them in turn, "I just want you all to know that I really appreciate you propping me up after I lost my job and everything." He smirked at Nephrite, "Even if I drank your bar dry every night."

"Andy!" Lita gushed and implied the "Awww!" without actually saying it.

"Fuck, man. You're alright." Nephrite told him and slapped Andrew as hard as humanly possible on the shoulder, "I'm giving Andy the rest of my friendship points."

"Me too!" Jadeite announced. Zoisite just rolled his eyes.

"Here!" Nephrite barked and slammed a pitcher of lager on the bar in front of Andrew, "Drink that and continue pissing excellence."

"Whatever that means." Andy laughed with the rest of the group, "Thanks, guys."

"Hell, we might as well just start calling you _"New Kunzite"_ after this." Jadeite joked, but his mirth was met with several sour glances and silence.

Kunzite. The Absentee King.

Jadeite recalled instances in the collective past lives of the Shitennou, specifically during the Silver Millennium, when they would travel across the world on varied assignments and often not see each other for weeks or months at a time. Then, however, there was always the spiritual and elemental connection to the Earth that kept them in constant contact. The Shitennou existed for each other as much as they existed for the mother Earth in those days.

Now, with Kunzite missing for what was coming up on a full year, each of the remaining Kings felt nothing more than a lingering dread. There was no sign of the mightiest among them; no communications at all save for the sporadic and impenetrable postcards which called out the changing of the seasons. Truth be told, they had no way of knowing if the simple life lines were even from Kunzite at all, but the emotionless characters always carefully hand-written on the cards matched his meticulous style and often icy demeanor.

In some ways they felt as though they weren't doing enough with a member of their group missing, but by and large the Shitennou realized that if Kunzite did not want to be found then it would be pointless to try to search him out. Whatever had riled him and caused enough mental anguish in the composed, stoic rock of the Shitennou was not something that the other Kings could wrestle out of him. Wherever he was, Kunzite would have to face his demons alone.

"Fuck." Nephrite said with an aggravated sigh.

"Way to go, Jed." Zoisite added, now glowering at the bar with one eye while rubbing anxiety and a possible tear from the other.

Andrew, sensing the sudden downturn in attitude, checked his watch and stood up from his VIP bar stool.

"Well guys, I'm gonna take off for a while." He announced casually, "I'll be back tonight, of course. I'll see if I can pull anything together for the roach coach idea."

The Shitennou murmured their half-hearted goodbyes and Lita excused herself as well. As soon as she rounded the edge of the bar and disappeared into the kitchen, Nephrite reached out and palmed the back of Jadeite's skull with one of his broad hands and slammed the younger King's head down onto the bar where it left a sizable mark.

"Mother _fucker_!" Jadeite screamed and pawed at the guaranteed welt that was forming.

"You deserved it." Nephrite countered him immediately.

"God! Fuck you, Nephrite." Jadeite swore, "My god damned eyes are watering."

"Cry me a river." His woody-haired companion replied.

"Could you stop?" Zoisite admonished them both, "I don't want to be in the middle of another one of your idiotic games of one-uppsmanship."

"He started it!" Jadeite accused Nephrite with a pointed finger on the hand that wasn't cradling his bruised cranium.

"_You_ started it!" Nephrite shot back.

"Why, because I mentioned Kunzite?" Jadeite correctly assumed, "Are we just not supposed to talk about the fact that a member of our blood-sworn brotherhood has been missing for a long-ass fucking time?"

"You always bring shit like that up at the worst possible moment." Nephrite railed him and recalled his jest to Andrew, "_New_ Kunzite…"

"It was a joke." Jadeite reminded him sourly.

"Not to _me_!" Nephrite roared and a tray of shot glasses rattled at the force of his voice.

Jadeite was stunned to silence at the power in Nephrite's declaration. It slipped his mind often; Zoisite's too, that despite the fact that at some point in the distant past they had sacrificed their mortality to serve as the Earth's eternal wardens, that they were younger than Nephrite and Kunzite by a few years each. The two elder Shitennou had known each other; grown up together, so they said, long before their blonde compatriots ever entered the picture. Even in light of his often callous remarks and dismissal of the older man's so-called wisdom, it was obvious that Nephrite shared a deep, abiding connection with the leader of the Shitennou that bordered on true brotherhood. Jadeite couldn't be faulted for not taking that ancient memory into consideration while he was joking with Andrew, but now the recollection stung him with guilt.

"I'm sorry." He said meekly, not daring to meet Nephrite's gaze.

He was met with that snort of a sigh that signaled the end of Nephrite's occasional fits of rage. The elder Shitennou shank back down from his tense stance and grabbed a glass of beer to calm his nerves. A sudden pounding at the door called their attention.

For a moment they tensed; fearing that they were about to be robbed by someone who wasn't smart enough to just turn the handle, but as the rattling and thumping on the front door of the restaurant continued, Zoisite instinctively rose and approached. He couldn't see anything through the upper window of the door and when he swung it open his heart leapt into his throat.

Ares was panting furiously and shaking from the exertion of his cross-town sprint. Dried blood caked one side of his face from the awful wound inflicted by Artemis. Zoisite cried out and dropped to his knees and reactively pulled his panting canine prince into his lap.

"Holy shit, is that Ares?" Jadeite exclaimed in worry at seeing what remained of the dog's right eye.

He raced to Zoisite's side and knelt as well. Nephrite raced around the side of the bar with a towel that he had wetted and handed it to Zoisite. He pressed it against the dog's bloody snout and he let out a soft whimper

"Shh." Zoi coddled, "It's okay."

"Mmm- meh…" Ares spoke painfully, "Metalia."

"What did you say?" Nephrite gasped, astonished at the word he just heard spoken by a creature that shouldn't have been talking the first place.

"Metalia." Ares said clearly. His one good eye looked up at what where, for all intents and purposes, his brethren, "She lives."

That was all he managed before the dog's underdeveloped body gave out. He slipped into unconsciousness and simply breathed, haggard, in and out as he lay in Zoisite's lap. The three Shitennou looked up and saw the shared worry among them.

"Zoisite." Nephrite spoke up.

"I told you he could talk." Zoisite reminded the elder king.

Nephrite nodded grimly, "I think it's time you told me _everything_ he's had to say…"

* * *

Usagi sat at the kitchen table wrapped in a blanket with her knees tucked up under her chin. She had set her cup of tea on the nearby windowsill to cool what seemed like an hour ago, but every time it touched her lips it still felt too hot. She sighed and took a tiny bite of the sliver of cheesecake that sat in front of her. She hadn't slept in hours; she was trying to avoid it. Sugar and caffeine were helping, but she was nearing that jittery, sense-dulling plateau where her two favorite meds were becoming ineffective.

The sound of the door opening scared her half to death and her fork rattled on the table as she dropped it. Mina shuffled in and immediately dropped her camera bag, backpack, and tripod with an exhausted huff. She spied Usagi at the table and, shedding her coat and glasses in stride, sat down next to her and offered a concerned glance.

"Why are you up so early?" Usagi asked puzzled.

"Why are you up so late?" Mina countered and glanced at the clock, "Have you been up all night?"

Usagi nodded with a tiny frown.

"Still can't sleep?" Mina asked worriedly.

"Nope." Her Bunny answered truthfully.

Mina grimaced. She always felt that she was good in a crisis. She never lost her cool and she was awfully adept and working various angles to get done what needed to be done, but Usagi's recent insomnia was a problem that she was having a damnable time surmounting.

"Forcing yourself to stay awake is different than not being able to sleep." Mina reminded her.

"I desperately want to sleep." Usagi whined and stretched every joint in her body, "I hate this awful fuzzy feeling you get when you've been chemically-assisted for so long. I feel dirty even though I just took a shower; it's like my skin is just crawling."

"Listen, I'll dig out my sleeping bag and camp on the floor next to your bed if it'll give you a piece of my mind." Mina offered sweetly.

"P_eace of mind_." Usagi mumbled gratefully back, "But that's not it."

"Then what?" Mina hoped.

Usagi let out a long, weary sigh and stated, "I can't close my eyes."

"What do you mean?"

"It's dark when I close my eyes." Usagi told her. It sounded childish, but it wasn't, "And I see Her."

"The woman that attacked you?" Mina surmised. Usagi gave a tiny nod in reply.

There had been no word from the police on who the woman was. No one got a decent look at her besides Usagi. Other tenants of their apartment building attested to her presence and the surprising speed at which she fled, but there was so little to actually go on that the police had a hell of a time drumming up any sort of lead. There were no other break-ins or domestic disputes reported in their vicinity that night, so there was no pattern to follow. Mina didn't see the woman herself; only heard her last, terrified shriek, but Usagi's vivid recollection was enough for her to draw her own shocking mental picture.

"You can't let it do this to you, Usagi." Mina advised, "The police are 99% sure she was just a half-crazy vagrant."

"Mina…" Usagi spoke slowly. She was dismissing that theory altogether and the tone of her voice implied that, though she would never say it to her face, Mina was insulting her intelligence.

"I just don't want to see you so torn up about it." Mina assured her, "You're safe here, Usagi. With me."

"I _knew_ that woman, Mina." Usagi told her. She had said as much before, but Mina dismissed it as nerves and shock, "When I looked in her eyes… I must have done something _terrible_ to her."

"Don't do that, Usagi!" Mina scolded her, "I read about this. It's called Stockholm Syndrome. She attacked you. _You're_ the victim, not her! Don't try to justify what she did!"

"I can't help it." Usagi confessed.

"Yes you can." Mina reassured her, "Because you _don't_ know that woman. You might think you do, but that's just the trauma talking. You have to work past it, Usagi. Focus on other things. Don't keep playing it over in your mind; I know it's hard, believe me."

"Believe you?" Usagi almost laughed, "How would you know?"

For a moment, Mina was genuinely upset with her friend for not remembering, but then she tempered her anger with logic. She didn't ever speak of it; she had told Usagi that much, that she didn't ever want to speak of it. She was just obeying her wishes…

"Because of my _Accident_." Mina reminded her icily.

Usagi's eyes grew wide for a moment, but then turned downward to her lap. Mina never talked about her "Accident." It wasn't even an accident in any traditional sense. She was a junior in high school; the social-climber, head cheerleader, volleyball champion, goddess of the hallways. She was somewhere she shouldn't have been, drinking things she shouldn't have drank, smoking things that had no business being smoked, and in the company of much older men who should have all been in jail already. To call what happened an accident was actually an apt description from their point of view. It was an accident that nothing actually happened.

"You remember the guy I told you about?" Mina asked her, "The blonde who was cheering his boys on from the sidelines while I got drunker and drunker and misplaced more and more clothes?"

"You don't have to do this, Mina." Usagi warned her.

"With a name like Ace you knew he was just an intelligent and upstanding member of society." Mina scoffed, "He was the only one who didn't lay a hand or some other body part on me. He just sat there in the shadows smiling; watching me get pulled down deeper and deeper."

Usagi momentarily forgot her own troubles and wanted nothing more than to halt Mina mid-story and sit around watching the Food Network all day; one of their favorite activities to unwind.

"If the police hadn't shown up for a noise complaint I probably wouldn't have gotten out of there." Mina continued, "I was _this_ close." The space between her fingers was about a hair's width, "This close to having every bit of innocence ripped away by a gaggle of drunk, horny, drug-addled, deadbeat, fucking redneck scumbags."

"I hate this story." Usagi reminded her with as much levity as possible. None.

"After that I couldn't sleep in a room that had windows for fear that he might climb in one night." Mina continued, "Every time I blinked I would see his face in a dark corner just sitting there watching me with that stupid fucking grin; like he'd planned the whole thing." She looked up at the ceiling and closed her eyes, "In some ways it was worse than what they _wanted_ to do to me."

"Mina…" Usagi moaned knowing full well that last comment was a stretch.

"But here I am!" Mina announced and turned on the perky charm even though she was clearly melancholy from the bad memories, "I got over it. I had to, you know? You can't live in fear, Usagi. You can't live in fear."

"I know." Usagi acquiesced. It sounded like she was just Yes'ing her friend.

"I had some severely ass-backwards emotional fuckery to overcome." Mina told her somewhat proudly, "All you've got is a crazy homeless bitch that you'll never see again."

"Yeah." Usagi sighed, "Until I close my eyes again."

"Usagi!" Mina snapped at her.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry." She corrected herself, "That… I'm sorry. I know you're trying to help."

Mina nodded and brushed a hand onto Usagi's shoulder, "I'll camp in your room tonight anyway."

"Thanks." Usagi laughed and shook her head, "No fantasizing about Kunzite, though. You keep me up with that enough the way it is."

"A girl has needs." Mina winked at her, "Don't worry, though. I had a run-in today with a friend of his that really pissed me off. Taking a man-break for a while, I think."

"Who did you talk to?" Usagi asked.

"That Mamoru guy." Mina replied and Usagi's neck snapped audibly as she turned.

"You saw him?" she squealed.

"Yeah." Mina confessed carelessly.

"And you didn't tell me?" Usagi whined back.

"Honey, I have to tell you." Mina began, "I know you had a thing for him, but he's seriously not worth your effort. He's not just a tool, he's a _power_ tool. He's got his own frigging aisle at Home Depot. Hell, he's a whole hardware store."

"Be nice, Mina!" Usagi scolded, "He's just a little… odd."

"He's not odd, he's a jerk." Mina irrevocably stated, "You must have caught him on the one day of the year when he wasn't being a complete ass-bag."

"I don't care what the goddess of love and beauty has to say; I know what I felt and I'm telling you there's more to him that what you're seeing." Usagi stubbornly refused to accept Mina's character summary.

"Well then you need to put forth a whole hell of a lot more effort to prove me wrong." Mina challenged her, knowing it would take her mind of the strange woman who attacked her, "You're single and unemployed so you have no excuse not to be pursuing this man 24/7."

"Maybe I will!" Usagi gladly accepted the challenge, "I've just been too busy until now."

"Well alright then!" Mina agreed.

"Fine!" Usagi shouted.

"Spaghetti for dinner?" Mina hollered back.

"Sounds good!" Usagi screeched.

"Wonderful!"

"GREAT!"

"I LOVE BEING LOUD!"

"ME TOO!"

They deteriorated into laughter not long after and within a few minutes Usagi had fallen asleep at the kitchen table with one hand on her cheesecake fork and the other one propping her head up by the chin just inches above her cheesecake. Mina smiled and slid her plate out from under her nose for the inevitable moment when her head would fall. The poor girl had enough to worry about without having a face full of dessert.

Once she was sure that Usagi was down for the count Mina retreated to her bedroom at sat down at her desk to consult the wise oracle known as Google for any and all information she could find about a mysterious man she knew only as Kunzite. To her surprise the internet returned very little. He didn't have a Facebook page nor MySpace. He didn't have an email address registered. There was mention of him in local archived newspaper articles about the Four Kings Bar & Grill from back when it opened, but beyond that nothing. She learned quite a bit about a semi-precious gem stone that shared his name which she didn't give much thought to considering some of the other names people had come up with for their kids in recent decades.

"Sneaky devil." Mina said to herself as she considered Kunzite's masterful ability to remain off the grid.

She threaded her fingers together behind her head and reclined in her chair. It had been months since the Christmas party. Surely he'd forgotten her and moved on by now, but she couldn't help but remain intrigued. The Four Kings was an obvious place to start her search, but she felt it was _too_ obvious. She twirled a bit of hair around her finger and pondered.

And puzzled.

Her concentration was shattered by Usagi's shrill, horrified scream.

Mina lurched out of her chair so quickly that it fell over and flew halfway across her bedroom. She staggered out into the hallway to see her lifelong friend pressed back into the corner of their tiny kitchen with her back against the radiator and a bony, half-gnawed, red-tinged hand around her throat.

"_GET HER OFF!"_ Usagi screamed hoarsely against the pressure on her throat.

The emaciated, black-dressed, black-haired vagrant of a woman cocked her head towards Mina and offered a grim, fanged smile that filled her with dread and a loathsome sense of déjà vu. Somewhere in her short amount of years on this earth she'd encountered that craggy, evil grin before. Her heart sank. Her blood went cold.

Usagi struggled and screamed as the woman choke the life out of her, but Mina was frozen in place. She didn't see the decrepit creature anymore. Now all she saw was that heart-wrenching, endlessly smiling, gloating face of a terrible human being that the boys called Ace.


	29. Interruptroduction

**INTERRUPTRODUCTION**

Oh my, it seems I've portmanteau'ed. Watch your step.

I'd like to take this moment to crush any hopes you may have had coming into this thinking this was a cleverly-disguised chapter of "My Four Kings." Unfortunately it's just some of my inane real-world ramblings which I feel I must address given the circumstances. Circumstances? Fantastic Rush song. Probably a good title for an upcoming chapter…

Enough of that. I've been busy lately. Terribly busy, in fact. The company I work for which supplies the income that pays for things like internet connectivity, keyboards, and comfortable chairs decided to move and I moved along with it. That happened in January and it's still happening. It's a nightmare. I've been working 50 to 60 hour weeks for about a month now. I'm thankful for the work, don't get me wrong, but between that and playing weekend gigs with my mostly-fictitious band, I've been left with very little time to do much else.

"My Four Kings" and the rest of my perpetually-in-progress projects have been on hold and will likely remain that way for a few more weeks. I haven't shut of the fanfic-side of my brain completely. I still find the odd moment to brainstorm a new plot thread or situation on occasion so I do have a significant backlog of stuff to write once I'm able to. I had a super-rare day of today and I actually went back and re-read most of "My Four Kings" to try to jolt myself back into "I want to continue this promptly" mode. Overall I'm happy with what's going on in the story, but I feel like I should have done some things differently. Whatever. I'm not going back to tinker with it now like I did with "Sojourn" or we'll all be here for another four years…

I would like to clarify some things that I don't think are particularly transparent thus far. I'm not throwing up a spoiler warning for this. If you started reading a story at chapter twenty-nine then you deserve all you get:

The exact nature of the Shitennou's current physical existence is a bit dodgy. This is my fault completely because of how the story developed. It started as a Crack!Fic. I didn't need complicated exposition to explain why they were alive and doing what they were doing. I assumed that the Shitennou have evolved to their current state after years of frantic searching for their Master. When they first reappeared on Earth after Metallia's defeat I imagine there was an adjustment period which so many other more punctual and less pedantic fanfics have portrayed so well. Years later after living their lives in the modern world and coming to grips with things like financial crises and "Jersey Shore" they've become this rowdy bunch of foul-mouthed, moderately jaded suburbanites who happen to be the guardians of the planet. They obviously remember their past lives and everything that went down between them and the Senshi, but it doesn't phase them day-to-day because, well… they got over it. They got over it so well that they may have started to neglect some of the lessons their acquired pasts have taught them…

OH NOOOOOO!

Now, I don't particularly like setting goals or deadlines because I lapse into a weird "Well, it's already finished in my head so why write it down?" frame of mind, but I'm getting the feeling like "My Four Kings" is just inching over the halfway point. There are some things I have worked out for the next couple chapters that are a bit point-of-no-return-ish and serves to set up an actual **MAIN PLOT THREAD**. Goodness, what a novel idea!

So I do believe that will be quite enough prattling for the moment. I used to respond to every review individually and pour out my thanks for validating my existence and creative efforts when you could've been out doing something useful with your time, but I just haven't been able to do that lately either. I'll get back to it soon. Thanks for reading. Thanks for sticking around all this time; you folks know who you are. Hopefully the next bunch of words my brain tells my hands to type will be worth the wait.

Good fight; good night.

-A


	30. What Is and What Should Never Be

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: What Is and What Should Never Be

A day passed and Ares lay on a rolled up blanket on the Shitennou's couch occasionally panting or twitching, but not stirring from his wounded, unconscious state. The Four Kings was closed that day as Jadeite and Nephrite took shifts watching and waiting and tending to the horrific gash across their canine monarch's eye. Zoisite was practically useless in his grief. He spent long tracts of time simply staring; the rest of the time he gnawed at the nail and calloused skin of his left thumb until it began to bleed. It wasn't until Ares awoke the following morning that relief descended. When he finally stirred he let out a mournful and undulating groan that the Shitennou initially mistook as originating from their ancient temperamental washing machine in the basement.

"Easy, now." Jadeite warned as Ares began to take in his surroundings, "How are you feeling?"

Ares grumble-whimpered and answered, "Awful."

"Is he awake?" Zoisite asked as he bounded down the steps from the upstairs bedrooms. He rushed across the room and into a baseball slide at the foot of the couch.

"Careful, Zoi!" Jadeite scolded.

"Master!" Zoisite gleefully gasped upon seeing the conscious canine.

"Are we…" Ares hacked on a day's worth of dry mouth, "… are we going to have _that_ conversation again?"

"Nephrite, he's awake!" Zoisite screeched towards the ceiling.

Nephrite made no reply, but the thumping and heavy strides from the bedroom above indicated that he was on his way to join the others.

"I'm sorry." Ares mumbled.

"Sorry for what?" Zoisite snapped almost insulted.

"I'm inconveniencing you." Ares answered, "Again."

"You know, despite the fact that centuries have passed, this isn't all that different from what we used to do in the Silver Millennium." Jadeite observed, "There were plenty of times that we all sat up 'round the clock tending to a sick or injured Prince."

"I'm sorry for that, too." Ares weakly replied.

"A talking dog, huh?" Nephrite asked as he thumped down the stairs into the living room, "I guess we've seen weirder shit in our day."

"Nice to see you too, Nephrite." Ares greeted the elder Shitennou for the first time.

"The Wonder Twins here tell me the Golden Crystal caused this?" Nephrite asked pointing his thumbs towards Jadeite and Zoisite.

"It's still floating around inside me somewhere." Ares answered.

"Huh." Nephrite grunted as he pulled up a chair and pointed to the scar over the canine's wounded eye. "How's the battle scar treating you?"

"I honestly haven't been paying attention to it." Ares answered and unfortunately began to concentrate even harder on the throbbing pain where his eye should have been.

"What in the world happened to you?" Zoisite asked concerned beyond the others.

"It's a cat-scratch." Ares laughed bitterly.

"A cat did this?" Zoisite scoffed, alarmed and enraged.

"I realize you're stuck in a dog's body and all." Jadeite mentioned, "But you don't have to validate _all_ of the stereotypes."

"It was one of the Mau cats." Ares sighed, "Artemis."

"Artemis?" Nephrite raised an eyebrow at the name.

"That was…" Jadeite pondered, "The white one, right? Sailor Venus?"

"That's the one." Ares grumbled.

"What the hell did you do to deserve the eye-gouging?" Nephrite wondered.

"I discovered the secret that he and Luna have been trying to keep hidden." Ares spoke gravely.

No one wanted to repeat what Ares had said as he stumbled into the Four Kings bruised and bloody the night before, but that had to be the secret he spoke of. Jadeite attempted to focus his gaze on something else in the room and was rewarded by Nephrite with a sour glance. Zoisite just chewed on his ever-dwindling thumb nail.

"Metalia?" Nephrite spoke, taking charge as his second-in-command status dictated.

"Yes." Ares answered slowly.

Nephrite breathed in. And out.

"Tell me everything."

So Ares told all he knew. He started at the beginning from when he first gained consciousness in his new bestial body. He told him of the visit to Mamoru and the first night at Rei's home where he met Luna. He told him about the _senshi's_ erratic sleeping patterns, about the deadbolt on the basement door, and about the room of fire where the cats hid her away during the full moon so her elemental fury would not attract the demon queen of the Dark Kingdom.

"But I don't feel her anymore." Jadeite shivered at the thought of Metalia's omnipresence during their Dark Kingdom subjugation, "She can't still be out there."

"What Luna and Artemis told me makes sense." Ares continued, "She's weak right now, that much is certain."

"Certain?" Nephrite challenged, "How is that certain?"

"Because if she wasn't we'd already be dead." Ares answered succinctly.

"Comforting." Jadeite grumbled with a shrug.

"All she needs is a source of power to feed off of." Ares recalled, "In the Dark Kingdom she needed you to gather that energy for her, but now she's no longer constrained by the seals that held her prisoner since the Silver Millennium."

"That's assuming that these cats are right and that she's still alive." Nephrite tallied the scant amount of facts thus far presented, "Which, until I see some proof, I'm not sold on."

"How could she have survived?" Zoisite puzzled, "We saw Sailor Moon defeat her. We were there."

"Kind of." Jadeite recalled and his neck subconsciously stiffened at the memory of being reduced to a mere stone.

"What do you remember about those last moments in the Dark Kingdom?" Ares asked.

"Not much." Zoisite answered honestly, "I mostly remember emotion. We weren't really alive, like Jadeite said. We were aware, but not… uh… living." Zoisite trailed off, confusing himself on his own semantics.

"I remember the light from the Ginzuishou." Jadeite stepped in, "And the feeling of release when we were broken from Metalia's control."

"That happened before the battle, though." Nephrite reminded the younger kings, "That happened when Beryl was killed. It was her curse that bound us to Metalia."

"Do you remember the Moon Sword?" Ares asked.

The three Shitennou went pale at the mention of the sword. Zoisite's eyes, which always threatened tears when these subjects were broached, now began to flow. Jadeite couldn't find the muscle control to swallow the lump in his throat. Nephrite's fists clenched at his side and his teeth audibly snapped together.

"You saved Mamoru's life." Ares told them, "The power of the sword drove Metalia from his body, but some small part of her remained."

"What?" Jadeite gasped.

"She survived." Ares looked away, "Because he didn't die."

There was a momentary pause and an audible drawn-in breath.

"Are you implying that this is our fault?" Nephrite's anger suddenly flared, "For doing our duty? For saving his… _your_ life?"

"Nephrite…" Ares tried to calm him.

"I watched him die once before!" Nephrite thundered, "I even helped kill him!"

"This doesn't make any sense." Zoisite interjected before Nephrite had the chance to continue his rant, "Endymion and Serenity destroyed that creature."

"And so what if we blocked the Moon Sword?" Jadeite included, "Just the impact, not to mention the tremendous amount of energy would have killed Mamoru anyway."

"Metalia went on a rampage in Tokyo." Ares interrupted, "After the _senshi_ were reborn she used what little power she had and hunted them down. She ruined families and terrorized anyone close to them."

"Then why haven't we seen her?" Nephrite demanded, "If she's free of her seal, then why hasn't she just torn a path of destruction across the planet?"

"I don't know." Ares confessed, "Luna told me they brought the reborn _senshi_ here to hide them from Metalia's rage."

"She would have collected energy en masse if she were free." Jadeite postulated, "And it would've happened fast. She wouldn't waste time hunting individual people; she'd just wholesale slaughter the planet, especially with no _senshi_ to defend it."

"Why are we analyzing this?" Ares demanded, "If she is still alive then she's a threat! We should be preparing for a battle!"

"A battle with a story you were told by a pair of cats." Nephrite reminded his canine king, "Granted they're magic cats, but it's still just a story."

"And a story is just a lie if there's no truth behind it." Jadeite romanticized.

"A lie?" Ares barked at the suggestion, "A lie about the ancient bane of our world?"

"Just throwing it out there." Jadeite answered.

Ares gasped unbelievingly and turned to Zoisite, always his staunchest supporter, "Zoisite, are you the only one I can count on?"

"Master, I …" Zoisite sighed and turned to his Shitennou brethren, "You really believe they were lying about Metalia?"

"It'd be no more far-fetched than the truth at this point." Jadeite surmised.

"I can't believe this…" Ares wrestled with the notion of his ageless protectors' defiant supposition, "Say for a moment that you're correct. Why would they lie about something like this? Something that affects all of us so deeply?"

"Why do people lie about anything?" Jadeite asked.

"Because they have something they want to hide." Nephrite answered the rhetorical question.

"Something worse than Metalia's possible survival?" Ares dismissed the notion.

"There's another possibility." Zoisite added, "Maybe they aren't lying. Maybe they just have the wrong information."

"What do you mean?" Nephrite asked in his callous way.

"What if it's not Metalia?" Zoisite posed the possibility, "What if it's something else?"

"Something else like what?" Jadeite asked.

"I don't know. Anything." Zoisite postulated, "Maybe it's just a youma. It's completely possible that some of them escaped the Dark Kingdom before it was destroyed. One of the more powerful youma could easily pose as Metalia and cause all sorts of havoc."

"Except the youma were just husks of the people who gave themselves over to Metalia's power." Jadeite commented on the nature of the Dark Kingdom's inhabitants, "They were sentient, but they were driven by Metalia's will. Without her… I don't know."

"This is all just speculation." Ares growled disapprovingly.

"Speculating is about all we can do right now." Nephrite put his foot down, "If Metalia somehow survived then we deal with it, but we need to know for certain."

"How do we know for certain?" Jadeite asked and immediately regretted the question.

"We don't sit here beating our gums on the what-if's waiting for her to show up." Nephrite answered, "We go find her first."

"How do you expect to do that?" Ares balked at the suggestion.

Nephrite glanced up at the ceiling and said, "I have a few friends I can ask for help."

"No way." Jadeite shook his head slowly back and forth, "Are you serious?"

"Have you even tried to do that since we left the Dark Kingdom?" Zoisite asked warningly.

"It's not like I'm going to do any damage to myself if I fuck it up." Nephrite shot down their concerns, "The worst possible thing that can happen is that I won't be able to hear what they have to say."

"Who's they?" Ares asked in confusion.

"The stars." Jadeite and Zoisite answered in unison.

"Stars." Ares seemed unimpressed.

"That's what I say." Zoisite agreed, never very fond of Nephrite's nocturnal discourse with the heavens.

"I don't think Twitter is going to be much help to us on this one, Zoi." Nephrite assaulted his younger companion, "So unless you've got some other slick-shit ideas on how to track down a disembodied demon, I'm gonna go study up on what constellations are prominent in this hemisphere."

"What about the _senshi_?" Zoisite asked back, "If Metalia did somehow survive they're the ones who are going to be most at risk."

"The _senshi_ don't exist anymore."Nephrite shot back, "They're just girls now."

"They most definitely exist." Ares interjected, "Rei's elemental outbursts are proof enough of that."

"Leave them out of this." Nephrite warned, "This is and has always been our planet to protect. We'll handle it."

"What if we can't handle it?" Zoisite asked grimly, "We weren't able to handle it in the past."

"Listen and listen fucking good and clear, the both of you." Nephrite demanded of his subordinate Shitennou, "Don't do anything stupid where the _senshi_ are concerned."

"Define stupid?" Jadeite pushed his luck.

"You know god damned well what I mean." Nephrite countered, "Don't talk to them about this. Don't try to get inside their heads. Just stay away from them."

"All of them?" Zoisite asked and raised a knowing eyebrow.

"Lita is different." Nephrite answered the obvious challenge.

"Why, because you're sleeping with her?" Jadeite asked.

"Yes, that's exactly why." Nephrite answered confidently, "I know where I stand with her and I'm control of myself. I'm not going to mention anything about this. And neither will you."

"Nephrite, I've wanted to know something for a while now." Zoisite threw down the gauntlet, "Did you know she was Sailor Jupiter when you first met her?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Nephrite batted down the suggestion.

"Because you out of all of us, the grand advocate of 'living in the now' is the only member of our little misfit group who went after his ancient, star-crossed lover." Zoisite recalled, "Doesn't it strike you as just a little bit hypocritical?"

"I didn't know who she was when I first met her." Nephrite answered honestly, "To be absolutely fair and blunt, once I figured it out I didn't give it a second thought."

"Really?" Even Ares was surprised by that notion.

"This is our third time around." Nephrite trivialized the Shitennou's numerous deaths and rebirths, "We have memories from three distinct lives and as much as we'd like to roll everything together like its one big fucking cosmic movie trilogy, we're not the same people that we were during the Silver Millennium or during the Dark Kingdom." He paused, "And neither are the _senshi_."

He continued, "It doesn't matter to me that I loved her in the past, or that I fought against her in the Dark Kingdom, or that we killed each other at various times throughout our shared histories. It's water under the bridge."

"That's a pretty god damned big bridge." Jadeite murmured.

"What I'm saying is she's not Sailor Jupiter to me." Nephrite decreed, "She's the girl that I'm in love with right now." The Shitennou looked somewhat stunned at the declaration of love from their group's resident model bachelor, "And she has enough shit of her own to sort through without me pulling her into a millennia-old war."

"I agree with Nephrite." Ares spoke up after a long silence, "We shouldn't involve the _senshi_."

"Good." Nephrite stated and stood up, "I'll be upstairs getting ready. Don't bother me."

"Whatever you say, Copernicus." Jadeite sassed and was rewarded with a jab to the arm.

"I'm going to go out for a bit." Zoisite said and hazarded a glance at Nephrite who had halted in his ascent up the stairs, "What?"

"Exactly what I told you before." Nephrite reminded him, "Don't do anything stupid."

"What makes you think I would?" Zoisite asked in offense.

"Because it's you." Nephrite answered smarmily and disappeared into his room.

Zoisite huffed and stomped out the front door of the house. As he stood on the sidewalk after calling for a Taxi he silently assured himself time and time again that what he was doing wasn't stupid. They'd all see… it was quite possibly the most brilliant solution he'd ever devised. As he got into the yellow Crown Victoria that pulled up to the house he looked up into the window of Nephrite's bedroom to see the elder king dragging his finger across his neck in the classic _"You're dead!"_ threat.

The taxi drove away and Zoisite fished out his Android and scrolled to the number in question.

"Hey Andrew, its Zoisite." He spoke into the receiver, "Hey… where does your lawyer friend Ami work?"

* * *

Usagi was certain the last thing she would see in her cruelly short life was the leathery grin stuck over the fanged maw of the vagrant creature that had her by the throat. The reeking stench of decay forced its way up her nose and threatened to gag her on top of the bony fingers choking the life out of her. In one eye she saw nothing but the vacant, empty eyes of the corpse attacking her, in the other she saw her best friend, her one constant source of strength and protection, cowering in the corner.

"No crown for me to claim this time?" The skeletal creature hissed at Usagi, "No pretty jewels? No power to speak of?" A serpentine tongue dashed across her lips, "I should leave you to this life; to wallow in weakness and obscurity."

Usagi's mind was racing with all possible notions of what this woman's babbling could mean, but her head was becoming light. Her vision was fading… Soon enough she wouldn't be able to think about anything. Ever. Again.

Strength flared in her muscles. Her blood ran hot as a burst of adrenaline shot through her. Her fingers were already pressed deep into this monster's wrists trying to pry her hands away from her throat, but now they dug in harder. Blood seeped from under Usagi's nails. She brought up a knee to her chest and kicked at the creature's groin and stomach as hard as she could. The beast wailed in pain and struggled against Usagi's thrashing, but she would not let go. She forced herself on the young girl and slammed her down hard against corner walls of the kitchen. Her lower back seared against the heat of the apartment's radiator. A stifled yelp escaped Usagi's mouth and the fight finally went out of her. The hands around her throat clenched like a vise.

"Got to sleep…" the horrible thing sang to her, "And good night…"

"Usagi!" Mina screamed to herself.

Try as she might, she couldn't stand. Some oppressive energy in the room kept her rooted where she lay helpless. _And weak_. God, the thought of it sickened her. Mina had always been strong. She had to be, both for herself and the few loved ones that she had left. Every ounce of her wanted to get up, fight that thing off and save her friend, but she couldn't.

"I'm going to let her die." The thought shot across her mind, "And I'm going to be next."

Usagi only heard her friend's cry on the periphery of her senses. The creature's grip had taken the breath from her lungs. What little blood was still reaching her brain was finally trickling off. She swooned to one side and was gruesomely thankful that at least soon the pain would stop.

And it did stop. Abruptly. When cold air found its way back into her throat again Usagi's eyes shot open. The creature in front of her was screaming in agony. The thing's hands had left Usagi's throat and were desperately clawing and scraping at its back. The bony witch spun around and Usagi saw a blooming white rose stabbed into the flesh between her attacker's shoulder blades like a dagger. Just as the creature spun around Usagi glimpsed a bright flourish of silver. Her assailant's body staggered forward and toppled as her head fell off her shoulders and directly into Usagi's lap. The woman's fanged maw still wore the same sickening smile, now indelibly etched into Usagi's memory, her eyes blinked several times and darted randomly as a horrible hiss escaped from the severed neck.

Usagi's eyes rolled back as she passed out. The last thing she saw was a face above her half-obscured by a white hood and shawl pulled across a man's mouth. Light winked off the bloody silver of a curved-bladed sword that was slung at his hip. He reached toward her face with a white rose pinched between two fingers.

"Princess…"

* * *

"You're a hard man to find these days." A familiar voice in the doorway greeted with a distinct lack of warmth.

"Andrew?" Darien Shields gasped from behind his desk which was piled high with charts and papers awaiting his signature, "How did you—"

"It's amazing where a few bucks will get you." Andrew spoke ruefully and shut the door to Darien's office behind him, "You know, I'd always heard that coming into money was a dangerous thing, but I think I've done pretty well with keeping my head above water." Andrew sat down in the chair opposite Darien's cluttered desk and folded his hands, "How about you?"

"Um…" Darien stalled.

"This is a really nice office." Andrew said condescendingly as he looked around, "Was it vacant when you got here or did you evict the previous occupant?"

"I... I don't know." Darien answered, "Why?"

"Have you been to the Four Kings lately?" Andrew asked knowingly, "Did you know that business has been shit for them since your Project Serenity drove all their usual customers away?'

"Andrew, what are you doing here?" Darien hoped to cut to the quick.

"Did you know that Kunzite has been missing for almost a year?" Andrew suddenly lurched forward and stood leaning over Darien's desk, "Did you know that your best friend hasn't seen you or heard from you in months?"

"My best friend?" Darien drew a blank.

"Me, you jackass." Andrew soured considerably.

"Andrew, I really don't know what—" Darien tried to speak, but he was cut off.

"What the hell happened to you, Mamoru?" Andrew demanded simply.

"Please, it's Darien now." The man who was his best friend corrected him.

"Darien?" Andrew growled, "Darien isn't my childhood friend who built a potato cannon with me out of soda cans and duct tape."

He continued, "Darien isn't my wingman who gave up his prom date so his best buddy Andy who was too shy to ask any of the girls wouldn't have to go stag alone."

"Darien isn't the man who was with me the first time I got drunk and held onto my belt as I hung out the window throwing up all over our college campus."

"I'm…" Darien struggled with the words of his next lie, "I'm trying to start over."

"Start over?" Andrew silently raged, "I didn't realize your life was so shitty that it required starting over. I thought things were going pretty god damned well for you."

"You don't know what I've been through." Darien grumbled mostly to himself.

"The fuck I don't." Andrew swore, "A few months ago you were in a car accident that you survived by what I only assume was divine intervention." Andrew ticked the moments off on his fingers, "Then you had a seizure at the Four Kings. Then you discovered an inheritance. Then you became a world-class reclusive dick."

"It's more than that, Moto—" Darien stopped himself in mid-name, "Andrew."

"How thoroughly did they examine you after that seizure?" Andrew wondered, "I can only hope that that this ridiculous restart of your life is being caused by some massive head trauma."

"Do you have something constructive to say, or are you just here to criticize?" Darien turned off all semblance of emotion and went cold.

"You want constructive?" Andrew asked and leaned forward to be eye-to-eye with his old friend, "I don't know who you are. How's that for a start? Hmm? The people who care about you most don't even know if you're still alive. You're affecting a whole lot more people than just yourself, Mamoru."

"They're strong." Darien offered, "They'll forget about me in time."

"You disgusting, selfish pig." Andrew snapped back immediately, "You'd love it if they did, wouldn't you? I bet it would be a load off your mind."

"Get out." Darien ordered and threw his finger towards the door.

"You can hide in here with you walnut burl paneling and your cushy desk job as long as you want." Andrew said and stood up with a grimace, "I grew up with you. I know who you are and you're _not_ Darien Shields. That man doesn't exist. He's a fucking figment of a power-addled, demented, sick mind."

Darien didn't move an inch. He simply stared, pointed, and waited.

"Get help, Mamoru." Andrew warned with unnerving finality, "This could all be gone tomorrow and you'll need someone to catch you when you fall." He turned the knob of the door and walked out, "And right now, there's nobody there."

He shut the door upon his exit and Darien let out an exasperated sigh when he finally saw Andrew's crop of blonde hair disappear into the elevator. He leaned back in his chair and ran a hand through his executive-style cut of raven hair and blinked at the ceiling. The ping of his intercom jolted him so hard that he almost lost his balance and fell backward.

"Mister Shields?" the voice of his secretary cut through him, "There's a package here for you to sign for."

"Bring it in." He grunted at the intercom.

A moment later his secretary led a brown-suited UPS driver into the office who present Mamoru with a small brown box and a signature pad. He grabbed the pad and scribbled his name with a scowl.

"Karen, you couldn't handle this?" He grumbled as he handed the pad back to the driver. His secretary just looked down, sullen, at the ground.

"Special instructions, sir." The driver swiftly interjected, "Had to be your signature, instructions to deliver it to you, and only you, in person." The driver nodded towards the label, "Come a long way, too. Had to be sure it got to you in one piece."

Darien glanced down at the shipping label himself. Half of the box was covered with different routing stickers from all over the world, but the label from the originating post office struck him stone silent:

2-3-5 Azabu-Juban, Minato-ku  
Tokyo 106-0045

"You have a good day, sir." The UPS driver said as he turned and left with Darien's secretary close behind. He didn't even notice them depart.

He stumbled back into his office, still transfixed by the label and locked the door behind him. He jammed a ballpoint pen into the center of the tape seal on one side of the box and ripped it open in one swift move. He was met by a layer of packing peanuts which he promptly dumped on the floor without regard to the later tedium of cleaning them up. A smaller padded envelope fell out in the mess and he snatched it up quickly and tore it open.

What slid out into his hand was a rigid white domino mask.

His instantaneous reaction was to throw the harmless accessory across the room as though it were poisoned. Mamoru backed into the corner of his office, staring at the mask where it lay in the middle of the carpet staring up at the ceiling. He slid down the wall clutching his fists to his temples as his head began to pound.

"No." he denied the reality before him, "No, I won't. Not again."

The throbbing in his head intensified tenfold as he struggled to bring himself to his hands and knees. Darien crawled towards the mask, intent on ripping it in half, tearing it into pieces, chewing on them, spitting them out, and lighting them on fire.

"I…" he struggled, stumbling as he crawled, "I WON'T!"

Inches away, he collapsed in a wide-eyed catatonia. Blood poured from the right nostril of his nose and quickly pooled around his head. From within his stupor Darien heard someone in the room moving about, shuffling papers, sitting down beside him. And laughing.

* * *

Usagi awoke with a start in an unfamiliar room reactively gasping for breath. A calming hand on her shoulder eased her abrupt return to the waking world. Her swimming vision stabilized enough for her to focus on the face-shape among the glittering mass of gold in front of her.

"Easy now." Mina cooed to her recently revived friend amidst the telltale beeps of a hospital monitor, "Take it slow."

"Mina?" Usagi croaked. Her throat ached with the effort.

"They say your vocal cords took some damage along with everything else." Mina said as she rooted around in a bag and pulled out a large Styrofoam cup, "You're on a liquid diet for at least a week." She handed the cup to Usagi with a grin.

"What's this?" she rasped.

"A milkshake." Mina answered happily, "One of many."

Usagi smiled back and took the cold cup from her hand with wordless thanks. Still too tired from her ordeal to even taste it, she just let it sit on her chest as it rose and fell with steady, albeit labored breaths.

"Where did he go?" Usagi asked abruptly. Her voice was so weak Mina almost missed it.

"Who?"

"The man." Usagi coughed, "I saw…"

"What man?" Mina asked puzzled.

"He was there!" Usagi silently shouted, "You had to have seen him! He saved me!"

"Usagi…" Mina leaned forward in her chair and grabbed her friend's clammy hand with hers, "There was nobody else there."

Usagi could only stare in shocked disbelief at the blatant lie she was being fed.

"You passed out in the middle of it." Mina explained, "But by that time someone else in the building heard all the commotion and called the cops."

"That's… no… that's..." Usagi stammered.

"Don't worry about it." Mina gave a half-hearted smile, "They got her this time."

"He was there, Mina." Usagi's gravelly voice insisted, "You remember the rose in the hallway? It was him; whoever saved me then! I saw him!"

"The doctors said that you might remember things differently." Mina tried to assuage her friend's excitement, "Your brain wasn't getting nearly enough oxygen. It's just like having a dream."

"I wasn't dreaming!" Usagi managed a rather audible shout in spite of her wounded voice.

"Usagi…" Mina sighed.

"He was wearing a- a- a turban!" Usagi was wildly gesticulating despite the tubes stuck into her arms, "Or it was a hood and a robe… he had a mask on! And a sword!" Usagi struggled to remember something from long ago, "_Lawrence of Arabia!_ That's who he looked like!"

"Usagi calm down!" Mina interrupted as the computer readout beside Usagi's hospital bed began beeping rapidly, "See? You're setting off alarms."

"Mina, I'm not crazy and I didn't just pass out." Usagi was practically livid, "I know I saw that man. I know you did too, you _must_ have!"

"I didn't see anything." Mina's tone changed drastically and fell with the weight of regret, "I had my eyes closed."

"What?" Usagi suddenly remembered the heartbreaking image of her best friend cowering as that horrid woman attacked her.

"N- never mind." Mina stuttered, "She's not coming back this time, Usagi. Ok? Let's forget about all of this. Let's just drink milkshakes until our hearts stop."

"Mmm… maybe later." Usagi swooned. She suddenly felt dizzy and drained.

"It's alright, babe." Mina told her, "You just get some rest. They want to keep you for another day just to make sure everything is OK; then we can get out of here tomorrow, ok?"

"OK." Usagi croaked back. Her head hit the pillow and she was out like a light. Mina was quick enough on the draw to grab her milkshake before it spilled all over her hospital gown and she set it on her bed table.

Mina sat back in her chair and closed her eyes.

* * *

"_When she stirs you must not mention me." He told her, "She may know me as a memory, but no more. Merely a fleeting glimpse."_

"_Who are you?" Mina asked the robed intruder who had just beheaded Usagi's attacker._

"_Just a knight." He spoke, more to Usagi whom he knelt near and brushed a hand across her cheek, "A knight who desires always to walk in moonlight."_

"_What?" Mina asked. She was known to mangle aphorisms on occasion, but this man's odd manner of dress and even odder sense of poetry stunned her._

"_You must find your courage, Minako." The knight spoke to her and despite the extra syllable, Mina felt an obvious connection to that name, "You will not have to look far."_

"_What are you saying?" Mina asked. She was suddenly becoming transfixed with this strange man. The fact that his face was obscured save for his deep, penetrating eyes most likely had something to do with it._

"_She is your sister in kinship and your sister-in-arms." The white clad knight told her, "More than this, she is your Princess. Your strength is her strength."_

"_I… I've always sort of… looked out for her." Mina spoke solemnly and turned her gaze to Usagi lying unconscious on the floor. _

_Truthfully, she had no idea what the knight was rambling about. She was only listening on the most basic level. Her mind was awash with… something. She felt very foggy, but also curiously warm. Something about this was familiar…_

_When she looked up the man in white was gone. Only a few scattered white rose petals marked the place where he once stood. The body of the feral woman who attacked Usagi was also gone as though it hadn't been there in the first place._

* * *

Mina opened her eyes to see Usagi still asleep in her hospital bed. The sun had set outside and the moon was beginning its ascent. Mina watched it rise recalling with the strange man had said about "walking in the moonlight" and after singing the same verse of a similar Loretta Lynn song in her head for about ten minutes Mina fell asleep in her chair.

Outside the window a white cape fluttered and disappeared.


	31. It's Good to be King

_Author's Note: In addition to a new chapter, this update includes a full edit of "My Four Kings." Over the last week I went through and cleaned up some obvious grammatical errors and refined some word usage throughout the whole story. I also tweaked some dialogue and expanded a few scenes. Nothing game-changing. For those of you not so inclined to go hunting for the changes you can keep right on rolling. For those of you who do feel inclined to seek out those changes and re-read the story... I worry after your mental well-being. Cheers!_

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: It's Good to be King

Another day. Twenty-four more excruciating hours. One thousand four hundred and forty-four minutes of sterile white hospital walls, floors, sheets, and pillows and that god-forsaken _beep, beep, beep_ of the monitor perched directly over her head. She never liked doctors much and her opinion of them wasn't improving now that they wanted to keep her one more whole day just to be sure that there was no permanent damage done to her neck and everything it contained.

Usagi tried to sleep, but to no avail. She tried to watch TV, but it only served to irritate her. Every little distraction that she hoped would take her mind off her predicament only caused the time to tick by slower.

Around noon she recalled that Mina had brought a large bag with her that she left at the foot of Usagi's bed. She reached down, setting off alarms on that damnable beep-machine in the process, and discovered her laptop. A grin spread across her face immediately. In a situation like this there was only one sure-fire solution to make the hours breeze by.

Wikipedia.

It only took a few paragraphs of the article on _Lawrence of Arabia_ for her to realize that it wasn't going to contain any revelations about the white-shrouded mystery man who had apparently saved her life twice over the past few days. She started opening up tabs rapid-fire on everything from turbans, robes, curved swords, and white roses.

"With its pristine appearance, the white rose has come to symbolize purity, innocence and secrecy." Usagi read aloud in her raspy, damaged voice with a slight frown, "Well, that's not very romantic."

She felt her face go flush and she sheepishly peeked around the room just to make sure no one out in the hallway heard her. Mercifully she was the only tenant of her two-patient hospital room, so making an idiot of herself in front of a fellow invalid was, for now, off the table.

_There's no reason to think romantically about this. _She thought to herself_, You're grateful to him, of course. Who wouldn't be? He saved your life… in a very dashing, storybook sort of way. _She nodded in approval of her thought process;_ He just did what any decent person would do in that situation: he'd use flowers as a weapon and cut the head off the monster attacking the girl._

Usagi blinked at the computer screen several times as her mind wound back those last few thoughts and played them over again. Her memory couldn't be clearer about what happened, but she hated to entertain the notion that Mina was right and she was just having a waking oxygen-deprived-while-being-choked-to-death dream.

"What else, what else…" she murmured as she clicked the next tab over.

Her research on the curved sword turned up little help her identify her mystery savior, save for the fact that it was called a scimitar and originated in Southeast Asia. That along with his robe and turban combo, her internal dot-connecting told her, definitely signaled a Middle Eastern influence. Usagi let her head fall back and rest on her hospital-issue pillows for a moment and she pondered.

"I must be crazy." She whispered to herself.

Deterred only for a moment, she lurched forward again and continued her private investigation. Wikipedia aided tremendously as cross-references and See Also's led her down paths that she would never have though connected in any discernible pattern. Eventually the myriad of topics on famous people who wore turbans led her to…

"Moonlight Mask." She read in disbelief, "Described as Japan's answer to _The Lone Ranger_ and _Batman_ in the late 1950's."

The pictures of the character in question were, to be blunt, comical. Unfortunately the resemblance was startling. The Moonlight Mask, apparently a police detective who, all puns intended, moonlighted as a masked superhero, was famous for wearing a white leotard, cape, mask and turban. He also wore sunglasses and favored a pair of revolvers in his crime-fighting escapades. He was, however, known to occasionally employ crescent moon-shaped boomerangs.

"A Japanese superhero wearing a Middle Eastern costume using an Austrialian weapon." She glanced up at the intravenous drip above her that advertized simple saline solution, "What kind of meds do they have me on?"

"Usagi?" a voice from the doorway called.

"Yes?" Usagi croaked as she looked up to see one of the many nurses who had been tending to her since yesterday.

"Hey, I'll be in to take your blood pressure and all that stuff soon." The nurse told her, "I just wanted to let you know that you're going to have a neighbor tonight."

"A neighbor?" Usagi puzzled.

"We're keeping him here for observation overnight like you." She explained, "He'll probably be asleep the rest of the day. I just didn't want you to be surprised if you woke up next to a strange man."

"Heh. Ok." Usagi weakly replied. Talking, one of her favorite pastimes, hadn't gotten any easier in the last few hours and as much as she wanted to comment on the unintentional innuendo, she just couldn't find the strength.

About an hour and seven games of Bejeweled later (Wikipedia-surfing had run its course on her by then) the nurses returned and pulled the curtains in her room as was the hospital's protocol. There was some commotion from the staff as they wheeled a bed into the room and got her "neighbor" hooked up and situated. They asked him a few basic questions which he barely mumbled answers from within his apparently heavily-medicated delirium.

After they had performed their tests, hooked up a second brain-splitting beep machine to Usagi's new roommate, and delivered her dinner, the nurses and orderlies departed. During the shuffle she only got a very brief glimpse of him. He had dark hair. That's about all she could tell. Right about now Mina would be warning her to not be nosy, but Usagi was bored and curious.

Speaking of Mina, she would likely be dropping by after getting out of work. Usagi sighed at the thought of her best friend diligently working through the day while she lay in a hospital. She sighed again when she thought of the job she had recently left at the Four Kings. Kunzite's face, kindly, stern, and creepy, flashed in her memory. Her mind drifted back to that Christmas Party fiasco just a few months prior and she nearly shouted hoarsely at herself for ever devising such a conceited, idiotic plan.

As things began to trickle down from her memory Usagi realized just how ridiculous her last year had been. The Christmas Party topped the list, but she had landed and quit a decent job within the span of a few months, befriended a bunch of twenty-something misfits who owned the restaurant, got attacked by a feral homeless woman twice, was saved from certain death by a rose-throwing, masked, possibly fictitious superhero, and on top of it all had found herself completely taken by, all things considered, a fairly average man named Mamoru who she'd seen in person a grand total of two times.

"Mamoru." She whispered to herself. Damn it, why did saying his name give her goosebumps?

_I don't even know him. We've barely even held a conversation. _She thought,_ Maybe Mina's right. What am I doing wasting my time thinking about someone like that. I don't even know his last name, or where he lives, or anything. The poor guy…_

Her right hand drifted down the front of her hospital gown to where the silver crystal pendant which always hung from around her neck should have been. She swiftly descended into a panic and her breathing quickened substantially as the thought of misplacing the necklace wracked her with fright. A glint in her right eye soothed her immediately and she saw the silver pendant sitting in plain sight on the rolling table next to her bed. She grabbed it and re-did the clasp on the golden chain while she exhaled her relief and carefully dropped the simple gold circle over her head. The familiar weight around her neck filled her with a sense of overwhelming calm.

Moments later, she heard a pitiful, sobbing groan from the bed next to her and Usagi's heart leapt into her throat, not from shock or fright, but from empathy. Just that sound and her eyes threatened tears. She hated, above all, suffering of any kind. Pain should be a foreign concept.

"Hey." She cooed as best she could, which was more of a caw, "Everything okay on your half?"

She had hoped the levity, if transmitted properly, would break the ice. She received no reply. She licked her lips and despite the mechanical klaxon that was about to blare when she would inevitably disconnect her monitor, she leaned over the edge of the hospital bed and pulled the curtain back. This time when her heart leapt into her throat it _was_ from shock and even a little bit of fear.

"Hey, babe!" Mina announced herself as she dashed into the hospital room. She stopped dead in her tracks as soon as her eyes focused on the scene.

Her shrill greeting roused Darien Shields from his medicinal slumber. His eyes fluttered chaotically and he twitched in his bed as he attempted to regain control of his limp body. Usagi stared in silent shock and Mina dropped what was invariably another milkshake on the floor with an unmusical plop.

"Oh shit."

* * *

Jadeite cautiously opened the door to Nephrite's bedroom and was met by the telltale clink of wood against bottle. Whiskey bottle, most likely. He grumbled in his throat and peered into the dark room. Nephrite was sitting reclined in his rolling chair in front of his computer desk. He had a glass in his hand, precariously perched on his knee. His aquarium had a black sheet hastily duct taped over the front of the glass to stifle even that light.

"Are you ready to go?" Jadeite asked expectantly, the keys of the Shitennou's shared Jeep jangling in his pocket.

"Shut the door or I'll cut you." Nephrite drawled at the intruder.

Jadeite did as instructed and then asked, "So how's the research going?"

"Exceptional." Nephrite hiccupped.

"Is this your second or third bottle?" Jadeite scolded.

"It's the end of the first bottle." Nephrite answered calmly.

"What the hell are you drinking, anyway?" Jadeite gagged as he took in a breath through his nose, "It smells like a burning pine tree in here."

"It's the last of the _boilo_ that Lita gave me for Christmas." Nephrite answered with an undercurrent of latent violence.

"Don't you have to be conscious to do your star-gazing?" Jadeite lambasted him again.

Nephrite opened his eyes, planted his feet firmly on the ground and jerked forward to sit upright in his chair and gazed harshly at his current critic.

"Is this opposite day or some other juvenile bullshit of yours?" Nephrite delivered a glancing blow to Jadeite's ego.

"What?"

"Zoisite is usually the one who rides my ass about the drinking." Nephrite reminded him, "Did he leave you notes or instructions or something?"

"Nephrite, I'm fucking worried about where all this is headed." Jadeite spoke honestly, "That dog downstairs is carrying around our Master's soul and he just laid some _heavy_ shit on us."

"Waiting for the point." Nephrite hurried him along.

"You haven't tried to speak to the stars in what, decades? Centuries?" Jadeite questioned, "I thought maybe you'd want to try to take this a little bit more seriously."

"Seriously?" Nephrite grunted.

"By not getting shitfaced!" Jadeite screamed.

Nephrite paused for a moment, collected himself, and then leaned back in his chair with a grin and a grimace.

"Do you have any idea at all why I'm drinking right now?" Nephrite asked.

"Because you're an emotional train wreck and you do everything you can to hide it." Jadeite surmised.

"Close." Nephrite chuckled, "I'm drinking because mixed in with my girlfriend's Lithuanian feel-good juice is some ancient alchemy not seen since the days of Elysian."

"What?" Jadeite's brain went slack.

"A rather staggering amount of wormwood for starters." Nephrite explained, "A little of this, a little of that, and a dash of peyote for color." Nephrite's head lolled slightly to one side as he spoke, "But it doesn't go down too kindly on its own." He saluted Jadeite with his glass, "Hence."

"Is this how you've always done it?" Jadeite asked reviewing all the other instances he could recall of Nephrite talking to the heavens.

"Every door has a key." His barbarian buddy began to slip.

"The doors of perception?" Jadeite chuckled knowingly.

"I'm the fucking Lizard King." Nephrite declared as the walls began to melt into rainbow soup.

"I guess that means that I'm driving."

* * *

Zoisite hadn't put nearly enough effort into his appearance and as he stood outside the law offices where a certain blue-tinged ex-_senshi_ worked he began formulating excuses as to why he wasn't wearing one of his obscenely expensive spring ensembles. It didn't matter to him that Ami likely wouldn't judge him on appearance, especially if she retained any semblance of her previous personalities. It was the _principle_ of the thing!

He sighed and decided it was too late to run home and change so he stepped forward through the revolving doors (which he hated and routinely got stuck in) into the lobby of the skyscraper that housed the law offices of **M.T.K. Anderson**. _Ami Anderson_, Zoisite thought to himself. _How remarkably dull. _The collection of letters in front of her name didn't faze him in the least. He knew from Andrew's previous ramblings that she was a partner here; apparently a rather important partner if hers was the only name spelled out on every bit of monogrammed paraphernalia in the building; the others being relegated to impenetrable initials.

Zoisite hustled across the lobby which was rather full with expensive looking men and women in various stages of shallow conversation. A large U-shaped desk in the center of the lobby advertized itself as a reception area, but Zoisite avoided it completely. He'd rustled the information he needed out of Andrew easily enough. Ami's office was on the sixteenth floor and was apparently impossible to miss.

Unfortunately Zoisite was rushing to his destination and not being terribly cautious. Had he been paying more attention to his surroundings he might have noticed that there were two sets of eyes watching his every move, but then again what was there to be cautious of? Metalia? He wasn't even halfway to believing Ares' story himself, a fact which struck him with a slight pang of regret. He never liked having to argue with his Master, but this was a topic of far too much import to just let slide what a pair of magical cats had said in a moment of anger and panic. As he stepped into the elevator the two pairs of eyes met from opposite sides of the room and wordlessly communicated a command. They backed off… for now.

Zoisite rode the elevator in fidgeting silence to the sixteenth floor and as soon as the doors opened he was immediately struck by what Andrew had said about Ami's office being impossible to miss. For all intents and purposes, Ami's office _was_ the sixteenth floor. The elevators opened directly to her impressive workspace. The room was absolutely huge, big enough to have its own sitting area sequestered to one side complete with a mini bar and fireplace. Ami's desk was much too big for her petite figure and she actually looked like from where she was sitting that she had trouble reaching everything that she had spread out on the rich wooden desktop. Zoisite glanced to the right at the wall-length row of bookshelves and then to the gigantic aquarium that sat in the middle of the black-marble floored room. It must have been 300 gallons or more and it reached halfway to the ceiling. It put Nephrite's little bedroom barnacle farm to shame. _Barnacle farm._ Zoisite snickered to himself. He'd have to remember that one.

He was sure Ami had heard his entrance thanks to the elevator's mechanical _ding_, but she didn't show any outward sign that she was paying attention to his presence. Her head was bowed and her hand was scratching away on a legal pad. _Cliché?_ Zoisite thought to himself. He swallowed once, glanced around the room again and walked forward towards her much-too-large desk. She looked up as he approached, her blue eyes full of recognition. That, at least, helped to ease his tension.

"Zoisite." She greeted him cordially enough.

"I need to ask you something." Zoisite stumbled directly to the point. Formalities be damned.

She simply stared at him.

The youngest of the Shitennou licked his lips and ungracefully pulled off the knapsack that he was carrying on his back. After fumbling with it for a full minute he undid the straps and reached inside. He produced a large, hardcover coffee table book entitled _"Practical Mineralogy – A Rocking Hobby". _The page in question was dog-eared and Zoisite flipped it open immediately and placed it on the desk facing Ami. The book was a solid five feet from her face.

"Are you flirting with me?" Zoisite asked in a rather businesslike tone.

"Excuse me?"

He pointed down at the book at the page with the entry on the gemstone zoisite. In particular he pointed to the letter "o" and the tiny, nearly illegible smiley face printed within.

: )

"Oh, that." Ami grinned without any pretense whatsoever.

"That." Zoisite affirmed.

"I was just saying hello." Ami told him truthfully.

"Hello?" Zoisite nearly went blank, "You couldn't have just _said_ it?"

"I thought you'd appreciate it more this way." Ami said with a slight frown.

"Why would you think that?" Zoisite was puzzled.

"Because your name is Zoisite." Ami reminded the Shitennou's resident genius.

He was slow to reply, "Are you sure you're not flirting with me?" Was that disappointment he heard in his own voice?

"I think you'd know if I was." Ami gave a slight chuckle.

"I'm not sure that I would." Zoisite countered.

"I don't think I've ever flirted with anyone." Ami clarified, "So I'm sure it would be obvious."

Zoisite was momentarily silent as he analyzed the odd situation and evaluated the best possible angle to attack from with his next question, "So a hastily drawn smiley face in a book that I might never have picked up again was your way of saying hello?"

Ami's eyebrows rose slightly in confusion and the thin glasses that were perched on her forehead slid down and onto the tip of her nose in one fluid motion. She made no attempt to remove them again. Zoisite's heart suddenly fluttered in his chest and one hand flapped at his side looking for the edge of a chair to grab onto to steady himself.

"I knew you'd pick up that book again." Ami offered studiously.

"How?" Zoisite asked. _Bravo, you scholar, you._

"By virtue of your name." Ami repeated herself, "And… other things."

"Such as?"

Zoisite was silent as Ami lectured him, "As you stated, you possess characteristic traits of a Gemini personality: you move from subject to subject to expend excess energy and fuel your enviable need to grow and have new experiences, however you lack the concentration to stick with one thing and master it."

"However, you weren't in that store looking for an entry-level book about rock collecting; you're named after a semiprecious gem stone which I'd estimate only a small number of people have ever heard of. Add to that the fact that the three co-owners of your restaurant also bear the names of minerals and I have to assume that you have at least some passing knowledge of the subject. I imagine they are not birth names which would be far too coincidental. I assume that they are nicknames at the very least, or some sort of fraternal designations within your group of friends."

"Also, considering your meticulous appearance, finely tailored clothing and adherence to current fashion trends I assumed that you possessed a streak of vanity perhaps bordering on mild narcissism." Zoisite's mouth was slack at this point, "Thus, when confronted with a book about amateur geology I concluded that you would be compelled to take at least a passing glance at the entry of your namesake stone for some measure of self gratification, hence why I chose that entry to leave my… mark."

"Well." Zoisite spoke after a long, aggravating pause, "It seems a whole lot less engaging when you spell it out like that."

"Yes." Ami agreed looking mildly crestfallen.

Another unwelcome pause settled over the room as Zoisite shifted his weight back and forth hoping to speed up his circulation and force some much-needed blood to his brain.

_Come on, Zoisite! Get it together!_ The copper-topped king scolded himself internally._ You were the undefeated mastermind of strategy in Elysian! You used to take on all comers in the Senate! Hell… you've beaten her at chess in a previous life! That has to count for something!_

"Do you mind if I ask why you decided to start a breadcrumb trail?" Zoisite asked. Ami's ears seemed to perk slightly at the analogy.

"Because at the Chamber of Commerce Christmas dinner you were the only one in your group who seemed even passably annoyed at the behavior of your companions." Ami answered truthfully.

"Really?" Zoisite asked flatly, "That's it?"

"I thought it warranted further investigation." Ami told him.

"Is that your way of saying _"I wanted to see you again."_?" Zoisite asked roguishly.

"Don't misunderstand me." Ami warned, "My actions were only intended to initiate dialogue. Nothing more."

"Ah." Zoisite spoke after a moment's pondering, "You mean like, _"Hey, let's get together and chat."_?"

"Are you implying that you're thirsty?" Ami wondered and her nose twitched slightly.

"No, I'm implying that you don't have to be quite so _Hooked-on-Phonics_ when you want to make new friends." Zoisite began regaining the confidence in his voice, "You don't have to be so… _proper._"

Ami's whole head twitched slightly along with her nose, "Are you making fun of me?"

"More like offering constructive criticism." Zoisite glossed over the fact that he was indeed making fun of her, if only slightly, "You might benefit from a little."

"Elaborate." Ami demanded in her Mensa-tinged way.

"Well, for starters…" Zoisite began and resisted the urge to stretch and crack his knuckles, "This room, while lovely and spacious and expensive as it may be, it lacks anything resembling a personal touch. Your law degree and, oh my, _summa cum laude's_ are prominently displayed more out of expectation than personal satisfaction. No pictures to speak of… Your desk is much too large for you and that chair though lushly upholstered just doesn't suit your posture. That tells me that despite your obvious intelligence your creativity is stifled, possibly by decorum; more likely by your corporate culture."

"Go on." Ami recommended and Zoisite obliged.

"Your roundabout and impersonal way of saying _"Hello."_ informs me that, regardless of your courtroom bravado, you find social interaction difficult to the point of fear." He calculated, "Also, I recall your reluctance to call your appearance at the Christmas party with Andrew a "date" and how you jumped on the occasion to correct Nephrite when he assumed you were Andrew's girlfriend; it tells me that you're uncomfortable with the idea of romantic labels, but possibly with the notion of intimacy as well. However, you did show signs of selflessness in the way you helped Andrew through his legal troubles when he lost his job, but I wonder if I could be confusing altruism with your desire to solve challenging puzzles…"

Ami might've frowned at that last statement, but Zoisite had built up a head of steam and he wasn't going to stop until he'd had his say. After all, she brought this on herself.

"All of that, including your status in this law firm and the obvious amount of work that went into your academics as well as your frighteningly young age tell me that you've never really allowed yourself the freedom to explore the different facets of your personality." Zoisite finished his assessment, "You seem very constricted and confined by the life you've built and, while successful in just about every way people can judge you, you wish you could somehow be _more_."

"Is that everything?" Ami asked in a disappointing monotone.

"Your glasses make you look very cute." Zoisite blurted out. He slapped a hand over his mouth so hard that he was certain he'd just given himself a fat lip. _Fuck me; I'm no better than Nephrite…_

The enormously intelligent young woman who had achieved more success in twenty odd years than Zoisite had in as many centuries chirped a syllable of laughter. It was like Mozart.

"I like your shirt." Ami offered.

Zoisite smiled slowly, hesitantly. Ami was, of course, just being funny, but he hadn't expected that. By the same token, he was sure that she wasn't expecting him to be such a keen judge of character. Their minor sparring match had at least managed to break what would have otherwise been extraordinarily awkward ice.

"Thank you." He replied properly.

"And regardless of how _socially insulated_ you think I am." Ami harmlessly teased, "My way of saying hello worked."

"I guess it did." Zoisite agreed with an easy smile.

"So now that we've said hello, what comes next?" Ami asked him as a student would ask a teacher.

"We pick a topic of mutual interest and discuss it at length." Zoisite taught her.

"I assume you came prepared with one?" Ami prodded a bit more.

"Well, I had." Zoisite answered honestly, "But it seems to have slipped my mind."

There was no way in hell he could go through with it now… Nephrite would've beaten him into a bloody pulp just for thinking about it, but Zoisite was ready to delve right into the topic of their shared lives (and deaths) in the hopes that she with her amazing intellect could help shed some light on the mystery of Metalia's survival. Doubtless her memories were still locked away in her head somewhere, but finally getting to speak to her on even terms had transformed Zoisite's own memory of what Ami was into something entirely different. She didn't deserve to be pulled into that sort of chaos again…

"I was just about to go to lunch." Ami told him, "There is a bistro on the second floor with a light, but diverse menu that manages to surprise me every day. Maybe you could join me?"

"Really?" Zoisite inquired as Ami stood up from behind her huge desk, "We go straight from _hello_ to dinner?"

Ami smiled and glanced at him through one eye as she walked past him towards the elevator and made sure that he understood that this was just, "Lunch."

Zoisite nodded with a grin and followed Ami to the elevator debating whether or not to make an off-hand comment about how pastel business suits were not becoming to such a naturally curvaceous form such as hers, but he thought better of it. He couldn't, however, help himself when the doors of the elevator began to close.

"What's the square root of eighty-six?" he blurted.

"Nine point two-seven-three-six." Ami answered without a second's thought and then looked up at him quizzically, "Why?"

He gave a little shake of his head, contented, and said, "Just checking."

* * *

The mountains were a decent distance outside the city and Nephrite insisted on finding the tallest, most difficult, and consequently "most badass" to climb. The city lights were far enough below them now that their urban glow wouldn't interfere with whatever alchemy-tinged far-sight Nephrite would employ. Jadeite had never accompanied his elder companion on one of his "chats" before. He hadn't been briefed on what, if anything, he'd have to do while Nephrite communed with the stars and he was given no indication of how the ceremony would play out. After staring up into the swirling mass of silver pin-pricks in the endless black curtain of night for an hour, Jadeite wondered if Nephrite even remembered himself.

"It's not getting any warmer up here." Jadeite complained and rubbed his hands over his exposed arms.

Nephrite said nothing. He had been standing in the same spot for at least an hour. He wasn't staring up at the clear night sky as Jadeite would have anticipated. Instead his head sat cocked slightly to the left and his gaze cast down at the ground. Jadeite had circled him a few times and closely inspected his partner's mouth to see if he was drooling (and to snap an opportune picture with his camera phone) but Nephrite betrayed no signs of life. A clump of bushes nearby rustled slightly and a shape emerged; the shape of a large black dog who trotted over and sat down at Jadeite's side.

"Anything yet?" Ares asked with an impatient sigh.

"Nope." Jadeite smacked his lips on the syllable.

"I only vaguely remember him doing this in the past." The princely pup recalled, "I don't know if I ever watched him."

"I don't think any of us did." Jadeite added, "Maybe he was just making it all up."

"It'd be a hell of an eerie coincidence if he was." Ares thought back, "Because his track record with predicting certain events was always spot-on."

"Honestly, I can't tell if he's meditating or if he's passed out." Jadeite confessed with a nod towards their chemically-assisted companion.

"Let's give him a little more time." Ares suggested and Jadeite offered a nod in reply.

Jadeite, with little choice left but to wait it out, found a particularly level spot of ground, spread out his stance a bit wider, and stood staring up at the sky. Ares circled around and through his legs several times before he lay down in the wild grass near Jadeite's left foot. Jadeite counted at least a dozen shooting stars as he scanned the visible expanse of the Milky Way. He had never had the same consuming interest in the heavens that Nephrite had, but her certainly appreciated the effort that the greater cosmos employed when it was trying to make you feel as small and as insignificant as possible.

"Do you think there's anything else out there?" Jadeite suddenly asked.

"Yes." Ares answered and lifted his head off the dampening grass, "There has to be."

"There has to be?" Jadeite repeated, "Why do you say that?"

"Because there's too much stuff in the universe for it all just to be pretty scenery for us alone." The canny canine replied.

"But what if it is?" Jadeite thudded. He was never very poetic when it came to the big questions.

"Then it is." Ares replied evenly, "But I can't imagine than in all the billions of worlds that exist that Earth is the one happy accident that produced life."

"You seem awfully sure of that." Jadeite noted the confidence and sincerity in Ares' thoughts.

Ares looked up at him, big brown puppy dog eyes full of solemn surety, "I feel it."

"Really?" Jadeite questioned.

"Lately I've been feeling the aura of the Golden Crystal more and more." Ares revealed, "Maybe it has to do with being exposed to the power of a _senshi_." He winced at the thought of Sailor Mars' uncontrolled elemental rage, "When I think about certain things I can feel it resonate."

"Resonate like… with energy?" Jadeite wondered.

"Just vibrations, really." Ares clarified, "I'm interpreting the vibrations, or lack thereof, as "yes" and "no" for right now. It seems to be working."

"I wonder if that means that the crystal is, hmm…" Jadeite trailed off. Zoisite was better at this sort of thing, but he was off somewhere being, well… Zoisite.

"I know what you're thinking." Ares perceived, "I thought about it, too."

"What?" Jadeite asked.

"Maybe it's a sign that the crystal is trying to bind itself to me?" Ares supposed.

"Is that even possible?" Jadeite seemed completely vexed at the suggestion.

"I don't know much about the nature of the crystal." Ares told his Shitennou companion as he got up and paced in a circle, "I was hoping to learn more about it from Luna, seeing as how she has such intimate knowledge of the _ginzuishou_, but then this happened." He shook his head in reference to his mutilated eye.

"What would that mean?" Jadeite posed the question, "If the crystal did bind itself to you?"

"I don't know." Ares replied honestly, "I know I can't use it to its full potential; only Mamoru can unlock its true power. But I do know that the Crystal needs a carrier to survive. It may choose me for the time being, but it's meant for Mamoru. I won't last forever."

"What are you saying?" Jadeite asked now concerned with the direction the conversation as headed.

"If the time comes and we have the opportunity to get the Golden Crystal back to Mamoru, I need you to make me a solemn promise." Ares requested of the youngest of his eldest companions.

"O- of course." Jadeite stuttered and knelt down to be eye-level with his erstwhile Master.

"If the Golden Crystal binds itself to me, the only way it will become unbound by my death." Ares spoke candidly considering the proposal, "Jadeite, you must promise me that given the opportunity you will do what needs to be done."

"I—" Jadeite didn't even have the slightest inkling of words to offer.

"I can't ask Zoisite, obviously." Ares said with a melancholy smirk, "And for all his bluster and bravado, I don't think I could ask Nephrite, either."

"But you… you…" Jadeite struggled, "You're my—"

"Yes, I am." Ares agreed in his ancient, kingly voice, "And right now your Master is giving you an order."

Jadeite's sagging jaw stiffened with that declaration and he suddenly remembered with full vigor who he was actually talking to. He clenched his hands into fists and bowed his head slightly.

"Promise me!" Ares forced him as Endymion had so many times in the past.

"I swear it." Jadeite replied and looked up into the brown eyes of a dog who carried souls and the greatest dormant power in the world within him.

"Good." Ares smiled and his tone brightened considerably, "Hopefully it won't come to that."

"Yeah." Jadeite nearly whispered, still partway between normal and full-on "Shitennou mode" as he called it.

"Should we go nudge him again?" Ares suggested and nodded his nose in Nephrite's direction.

"Fuck nudging him." Jadeite decided, "I'm going to straight up leg-drop him from a tree branch if he doesn't wake up soon."

When the unlikely pair turned around they saw that Nephrite was gone. For a moment panic overtook Jadeite as the vision of his comrade and best friend wandering half-drunk and half-stoned through the night assaulted him. Ares' curious yelp of caution snapped him out of the mild daydream fairly quickly, though. In the spot where Nephrite had been sitting for most of the night, motionless and speechless, was a circle drawn in the dirt. The circle contained an outer ring depicting the astrological symbols of the planets as well as an inner ring depicting the most prominent constellations in their hemisphere. A myriad of lines and other arcane symbols crisscrossed the circles and came to a point on the center of the diagram which, when struck by starlight, illuminated the whole picture in a pale blue light. The lines of light continued outward in every direction apparently following lines of latitude and longitude and Jadeite traced one down the side of the mountain until he couldn't see any farther.

"Okay." He admitted, "Maybe he wasn't making it all up."

"I remember this." Ares gasped upon seeing the blue-glowing circle of runes, "It's some kind of star chart."

"Did he draw this when we weren't looking" Jadeite asked and his eyes scanned the horizon again, "Is he done already and just left without telling us?"

"I don't think so." Ares said and cautiously crept towards the circle, "I remember seeing this… somewhere."

"Be careful!" Jadeite warned as Ares edged closer.

"Somewhere…" Ares repeated and stepped over the threshold of the icon.

There was no flash, no quake, no Michael Bay-esuqe explosion. The dog that was his Prince and Master was there one moment and gone the next. As soon as his paw touched the glowing blue diagram he had simply vanished.

"Ares!" Jadeite gasped at the vacant space in the air, "Master?"

He didn't hesitate. Jadeite wouldn't stand there for an hour analyzing his options as other, more wary individuals might. His Master was at stake and that threw any thoughts of self-preservation immediately out the window. He practically leapt into the blue magical circle. He was immediately perturbed and confused when his feet hit the ground solidly and nothing seemed to happen.

Just then, Jadeite's stomach lurched downward as the world around him stretched and smeared like chewing gum on a hot sidewalk. An intense feeling of acceleration nearly threw him to the ground and he felt himself being throttled upward. He looked up to see the vast veil of stars rushing towards him and then suddenly streaking past at impossible speeds. The universe began to swirl around him and an overpowering dizziness finally robbed him of any sense of balance. He felt himself start to fall into infinite nothingness and he resolved that the cruelly oversized and largely uninhabited universe that spawned him would not get last word.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

* * *

"Where am I?" Darien demanded as he fought the lethargy of medication and a recent stroke.

"Mamoru!" Usagi gasped upon seeing him clearly.

"Usagi!" Mina tried to stop her friend, but she was already swinging herself off the hospital bed and padding over to the wounded man's bedside.

"Mamoru, are you okay?" Usagi pleaded after the only semi-conscious man.

"Usagi, stop!" Mina finally moved alongside of her and eased her friend obliviously backward toward her own bed, "You're going to set off alarms on your beep-machine again."

"But he…" Usagi's eyes were fixed on the face of the mysterious man who had been robbing her of so many useful hours of sleep over the past few months, "He's hurt."

"Not good." Mina said to herself as she wracked her brain for a way out of this powder keg.

Unfortunately Darien picked that moment to shake off the lingering sleep-blindness that plagued him and his eyes focused on Usagi's face just as she had latched herself onto his. His gaze only drifted down momentarily and settled on the glittering silver pendant that hung, as always, around the young woman's slim neck. Darien's lip twitched and his dry mouth suddenly became wet again. The more rational part of his mind, the part that was still a bit foggy from all the meds, hoped that his reaction to the silver crystal's presence would go unnoticed.

But Mina did notice. She moved slowly and deliberately in the hopes that she wouldn't startle Darien when she placed herself between him and her vulnerable friend, but just as Darien's hope had come and gone, so too did Mina's quickly evaporate. Mamoru lunged forward and knocked Minako out of the way with his right hand as his left clawed instinctually for Usagi's silver pendant. The monitor wires inserted into and taped on his right arm held him back and he painfully tore at the leads, both ripping them out of his arm and pulling the machine down from its perch above his bed. A nurse ran into the room at full speed and gasped in surprise at the sight.

Darien wasted no time and he grabbed the edge of the rolling hospital bed with one hand and threw it with all his might towards the doorway where it crushed the nurse against the wall. She fell forward onto the bed and shrieked in pain at what might have been a dislocation. Darien kicked the bed away and let her fall as he reached out to grab Usagi again who was frozen in terrified shock.

But Mina was there. If all that Tae Bo in high school taught her anything it was how to kick _really_ high. She was already halfway through her full-body spin when the back of her heel connected with the right side of Darien's face. She was sure that the force she put into the kick would put him down for the count, but he stood there and took it. He spit a stream of blood at the wall and then turned back towards Mina with a red, puffy cheek and a demon's fire in his eyes. He snapped his hand out and caught her by the throat.

"Mr. Shields!" the unmistakable demanding voice of a police officer shouted from the doorway of the hospital room. He was surrounded by hospital security and a half dozen horrified doctors and nurses, "Mr. Shields, let the girl go!"

"Mina!" Usagi cried finally registering the scene beyond emotional shock.

Darien grinned viciously and picked Mina up off the ground by the hand around her throat. She clawed at him, kicked him, and struggled against his grip as hard as she could, but to no avail. He pulled his arm back and then threw the young woman across the room as though she were nothing more than a ragdoll. The police officer in the doorway tried to catch her, but the impact of a flying body knocked him off his feet and he took down three other people with him as he fell. Mina hit the ground on her back and croaked hoarsely for gasping breaths after having the wind knocked out of her. The scene was punctuated by a sudden flickering of lights and the smash of thunder care of a storm that had appeared out of nowhere.

"MINA!" Usagi screamed seeing her friend pitched across the room.

She leapt to her feet and sprinted past Darien without even registering that he was still standing there. The wires still attached to her arm tore much as his did, but the pain was muted. She would have reached her friend had Darien not grabbed one of her trailing pigtails as she ran past him…

"NO!" She screamed and spun around. Her right had balled into a fist and she rammed it as hard as her exhausted body would allow her to directly into the center of his face. Darien was momentarily stunned, further bloodied, and doubly enraged, but not deterred. A second sputtering of the lights cast a hideous shadow on the face of the man Usagi once found handsome, if a little bit eccentric.

He twisted her hair around in his fist and the shooting pain sent Usagi spiraling and screaming to her knees. He dragged her behind him as he stepped over the first fallen nurse and through the doorway. The police officer looked as though he was out cold thanks to Mina's shoulder colliding with his temple. The security officers moved in, but Darien was too fast. Each one that came within a foot of him found themselves thrown backwards a dozen feet with one hand, no less. Usagi shrieked and cried as Darien mercilessly pulled her along like an animal. The hallway rapidly filled with orderlies and more security as Darien assessed his options.

"For God's sake, give it to me!" a voice hollered above the din and a young, fit, curly chestnut-haired doctor stomped towards Darien with a hypodermic needle in one hand.

Darien swung a wild roundhouse at the approaching doctor, but he was agile and avoided the punch. Then he went a step further and caught Darien's arm underneath his own, locked it under his armpit, and twisted until he heard a sinewy _pop_. Darien roared in bestial fury as the doctor released his dislocated arm and moved to grab him in a headlock. He let go of Usagi and blocked the incoming attack with his good arm, holding the doctor at bay and the shining point of the needle just an inch away from the tender flesh under his chin.

Security and orderlies moved in to assist just as a tremendous crash of thunder shook the building. Lightning seared across the sky and an explosion followed as a transformer blew. The lights went out bathing the hospital in momentary darkness until the emergency lighting kicked in. The dull glow of the emergency lamps revealed the outcome of the melee. The brave doctor was laying face-down on the floor with his own needle sticking out of his neck. The man known as Darien Shields was nowhere to be seen. Mina, damaged and disoriented, immediately began to panic when she saw that Usagi was also gone.

"Oh my god…" she whispered to herself and struggled to get to her feet.

The doctors and nurses were speaking in hushed voices as to not further startle the rest of the patients on the ward, many of whom had gotten out of bed to witness the commotion themselves. The staff was already attending to the unconscious police officer and the doctor who had his needle, apparently full of sedative, turned on him. The macabre scene was made infinitely more horrible by the dull yellow of the emergency lighting which cast a horrible, gritty glow over the sterility of what should have been a place of healing and peace.

"Usagi!" Mina shouted and no one told her to stop or keep her voice down.

Darien had her. He was going to do god knows what to her… She looked down each direction of the hallway a dozen times trying to decide which way to limp to start her futile search. She was starting to cry, damn it all… She clenched her fists and looked down at the ground hoping to stifle her insolent tears.

A chunk of hospital tile was cracked down the middle thanks to the stem of a white rose driven deep into the surface. Mina knelt down and plucked the innocuous flower with great effort from the floor and twisted and turned it around in front of her face in utter shock and, as ridiculous as the whole affair seemed, relief.

* * *

Usagi awoke in her own bed after the worst nightmare of her life. The mental image of Mamoru dragging her through a dark hospital by her pigtails was so strong that her head actually hurt from where her hair was tearing out of her scalp. Suddenly a similar pain in her arm flared and she realized that there was still a needle stuck in her arm attached to a wire lead from her stay in the hospital.

"Not a nightmare…" she shuddered and threw the covers off as nervous sweat soaked her pijamas in an instant. She stood up shaking and couldn't make it two steps before she fell to her knees.

But someone caught her as she fell. Two gentle hands guided her body down. Moonlight poured in through the window and illuminated her where she knelt in the middle of her room. She distinctly heard a gasp of awe from the dark corner in front of her.

"Who are you?" she begged of the darkness.

She received no reply.

"I know you're there." She tried to sound intimidating, but it only made her sound more frightened and vulnerable, "Please?"

Still nothing.

Then, a voice. It certainly wasn't Mamoru's voice and of that, right now, she was thankful. Still, this voice was familiar. Masculine, powerful… _damn_ familiar, now that she heard it in full consciousness.

"The moonlight…" he spoke softly, apparently with much difficulty, "It _pales_ against your beauty…"

Her heart skipped a beat. The mysterious stranger stepped forward barely an inch, just enough so that she could catch a glimpse of his silhouette: the point of his sword tucked in his belt, the white of his cape, the edge of his turban, the silver glint of moonlight in one eye. She briefly recalled the internet article about _The Moonlight Mask_ and dismissed it once and for all. There was no way this creature was inspired by a salary cop in a cape with moon-boomerangs. He was infinitely more powerful, more regal. More _knightly_.

"Who are you?" she asked again, breathlessly.

"I am yours." He promised her, "Now and always, princess."

"Why do you call me that?" Usagi had to ask remembering how he addressed her the last time. Why she felt no fear in the face of this specter she couldn't imagine, but she had to keep him talking.

"You knew me once, as you once knew yourself." He explained cryptically. She heard his voice fall into sorrow, "But memory fades like desert sand racing through your fingers."

"What?" she asked mystified.

He leaned forward fully unable, or possibly unwilling to remain in the shadows any longer. He knelt down in front of Usagi and took her small hand within his. An electric charge shot through her body and her blue eyes locked with his steely gray.

"You're in terrible danger." She was warned, "But _his_ peril is greater still."

"His?" she repeated.

"Find him, princess!" the knight pleaded with her, "You _have_ to get to him before your enemies do!"

"Who?" she asked, desperately wanting to oblige him despite having absolutely no idea what he was talking about, "Who do I need to find?"

The exertion made her dizzy and Usagi swooned in the moonlight. She felt herself rising into the air as strong arms whisked her off the floor and into her bed. Her weary body succumbed immediately to the soft pillows and warm sheets, but she managed another glimpse of her savior. He stood fully in the moonlight which radiated a peaceful glow off his white cape which covered him from shin to shoulder. He seemed to fade into the moonlight leaving nothing behind but a few scattered rose petals as white as snow. She drifted off to sleep with that image and his last words ringing in her had.

_Find him, princess._

* * *

Darien stumbled into the office complex where he lorded over his Project Serenity. His right arm was crippled and useless. His legs were burning from the cross-town sprint and his head was still hazy from what the doctors (the ones he didn't stab with syringes) told him was a mild stress-related stroke. He slumped against the doors of the elevator and felt around in the dark for the buttons. He pushed the up and down buttons at the same time and they flashed from their usual off-white glow to a deep red and then back again. The doors slid open and Darien wearily stepped into the car. The elevator _dinged_ when it reached the basement level and then lurched downward again as it continued what should have been an impossible descent.

When the doors opened again Darien stepped out not into a carpeted hallway lined with offices or an underground parking garage, but a primordial cave inhabited by cold stone, dripping water, fungus, and crushing blackness. A row of feeble torches along the cavernous corridor offered a minute amount of light; barely enough for the damaged Darien to make his way to an antechamber as big as a gymnasium. Moonlight beamed down into this room from a single shaft far above where the foundations of the office building could be seen jutting through the bedrock that made up the ceiling of the cave.

A natural dais rose in the center of the room upon which was fashioned a rough-hewn throne in the likeness of a yawning skull. Darien reached out to steady himself and then threw his weary body into the uncomfortable stone seat and let out a mournful howl of a sigh. His quiet moment of recovery was interrupted by pitiful sobbing and a gurgling groan from the other side of the throne.

"Are you still here?" Darien growled darkly.

From the back side of the throne a woman crawled out on all fours. Her dark gown was stained and torn. Her red nails were rotten. The once-beautiful diadem on her forehead was dim, tarnished and hanging limp. Her black hair was fouled by neglect. The skeletal creature was prostrate, moaning at Darien's feet.

"You're even more useless now than when you were alive." Darien abused her.

"I beg for death." The haggard creature spoke in a voice seeping with regret and hatred, "Yet you shackle me to this place."

"Isn't this what you wanted, Beryl?" Darien asked her haughtily, "You and me? Ruling side by side…"

"What do you rule, _Prince_?" Beryl hissed the word in disgust, "A ruined shell of a woman? A dead, frozen cave? A lifeless, powerless body of—"

Darien reached down and grabbed her by the jaw with a powerful hand and silenced her, "Watch your tongue, snake." He shoved her down and away, "Before I decide to cut it out."

Beryl dragged a scraggly hand over her bruised mouth and regarded Darien with endless contempt and yet she could not find the will to leave his side. She gathered the length of her worn, threadbare dress and tucked it beneath her legs. She scuttled sideways and leaned her back against the cold, unforgiving stone of the throne and closed her eyes. Darien looked up at the single shaft of moonlight streaming into the depths of his dark kingdom and he scowled.

Somehow, even without the _senshi_ to forestall his plans he was facing setbacks. He would expend enough time and energy altering the memories of police officers, doctors, and above all the people he worked with on Project Serenity erasing the events of the past two days from their minds. Having the _ginzuishou_ in his possession would have made that task infinitely easier, but no… of course it wouldn't be that simple to obtain. The fallen queen at his side and her entire army couldn't wrestle it from the control of a teenage girl. Brute force was never going to get him anywhere. He needed a more subtle approach.

His memory flashed back to the domino mask that arrived mysteriously from halfway across the world and a hellish idea took shape. Beryl shivered against the stone as Darien's maddening laugh echoed and reverberated through the caverns.


	32. Into the Great Wide Open

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Into the Great Wide Open

Jadeite awoke on a dirty slab of concrete with the metallic screech of subway wheels ripping him from what he assumed was an eternal slumber. He felt something which might have been a cigarette butt pelt him on the top of the head. When his eyes refocused he saw dozens of pairs of feet standing around him and shuffling about precariously close to his pounding skull. He pushed himself off the ground with no small amount of effort, staggered, and then hastily balanced himself on a nearby tiled pillar. Something warm and furry brushed against his leg.

"Jadeite?" Ares asked woozily.

"Afraid to talk." Jadeite gurgled in his throat, "Might throw up."

"I feel _awful_." Ares stressed. His sense of equilibrium was certainly taking its sweet time to sort itself out after the pair's interstellar flight.

"Where are we?" Jadeite wondered aloud.

The station was crowded with what looked to be an impossible number of people; hundreds if not more. The platform stretched as far as Jadeite could see over the tops of hats and heads. Men and women grunted and grumbled as they slowly herded on board each nondescript silver subway train that pulled into the station to collect them a few dozen at a time.

"How did we get here?" Ares added his own question.

"The last thing I remember was hurtling aimlessly through space." Jadeite recalled the unsavory experience.

The blonde Shitennou searched for a stairway leading to the surface or an elevator, but saw none.

"Do you see a route map or anything?" Jadeite asked. He'd been on subways before, but not any time recently.

"No." Ares barked in reply, "I don't see a ticket kiosk, either."

"How the _hell_ did we get here?" Jadeite puzzled a second time and scratched his head.

A man brushed past him, but Jadeite couldn't catch a glimpse of his face. To his surprise, everyone in the station appeared to be facing away from him and he couldn't focus on any one person to formulate a true picture of their features. Most of the people on the platform were wearing terribly dull gray pants and shirts, or skirts in the case of the women. The hair on the back of Jadeites neck suddenly stood on end and he reactively grabbed Ares by the collar.

"Hey!" the canine prince shouted.

"Something isn't right." Jadeite whispered despite the multitude of people around him who didn't appear to care what he was saying, "Let's get out of here."

"Are you sure about that?" Ares asked warningly, "We don't even know where we are."

"I have a feeling that we shouldn't be here, wherever it is." Jadeite replied, "I don't mean to treat you like an animal, but I don't want to get separated."

Jadeite didn't wait for Ares to reply. He jolted forward and the dog with the disembodied soul of his Prince was dragged along by his collar as Jadeite shouldered his way through the gray, homogenous crowd towards the open doors of a subway train waiting at the platform. Ares struggled as his canine instincts suddenly flared upon approaching the innocuous train, but Jadeite wasn't going to be stopped. Something lit a fire under him and it was going to take more than a fifty pound mutt to slow him down.

Something like Nephrite, actually.

Mere steps away from the subway Jadeite felt a powerful hand on his should which stopped him dead in his tracks. The subway train's doors slid shut with a mechanical groan and the train sparked its way down the tracks into the impenetrable blackness of the tunnel beyond. Jadeite spun around and found himself face to face with the Shitennou who should have been star-gazing.

"Don't get on the trains." Nephrite ordered flatly.

"What? Nephrite?" Jadeite asked jittering, "Where the hell are we?"

"Exactly." Nephrite answered cryptically. Jadeite's eyes crossed.

"Huh?" He stuttered and then realized something, "Wait… we're in… _hell_?"

"More or less." Nephrite continued his impenetrable discourse.

"You say that like you've been here before." Jadeite suddenly felt cold thinking about that statement.

"I've passed through once or twice." Nephrite confirmed.

"You're acting strange." Jadeite observed, "You haven't dropped an _F-bomb_ yet and you're being unusually receptive to my questions."

Nephrite simply smiled at him and turned to start walking against the crowd. Jadeite snapped to attention and Ares let out a confused whimper. They both began following trying to keep pace with Nephrite as he ducked and dodged his way through the endless horde of faceless ghouls.

"Hey, Nephrite!" Jadeite called after his companion.

"Follow me." Nephrite ordered.

With little choice available to him, Jadeite did as suggested and kept an even pace with Nephrite as they worked their way through the crowd toward an unknown destination. The platform just seemed to stretch on and on and Jadeite briefly wondered if it was some sort of illusion brought on by the sheer number of people crammed into the same space and that somehow that density was contributing to how large the place felt. Still, they soldiered on and after what felt like a ten minute hike Jadeite finally saw in the distance beyond the brown mass that was Nephrite's hair, a small, one-window room situated in the midst of the platform. They reached the small office just as another subway train roared into the station.

Nephrite motioned with one hand for Jadeite and Ares to follow and he led them to a door on the far side of the room and turned the handle with a satisfying _clack_. They stepped inside to find a desk littered with timetables and charts, a row of filing cabinets, a well-worn computer that appeared to be from the late 70's, and a noisy desktop fan that was oscillating and blowing recycled air in a small stream across the expanse of the room. Despite the breeze, none of the papers on the desk moved and Jadeite noted that his hair didn't even shift when the wind hit him. A tattered office chair sat empty in the room, obviously worn from possibly decades of service. The green leather cushions were duct taped in the corners to keep the padding from falling out. A calendar hung on one wall, but Jadeite noticed that the pages were completely blank.

"What's all this?" Jadeite grunted his question in a disapproving tone.

"The Dispatcher's office." Nephrite answered as if it were a common question to answer.

"Okay." Jadeite had had enough of the secrecy and one-sided remarks from his elder companion, "Just what the hell is going on here?"

"Oh good." A grumbling, extraordinarily familiar voice spoke seemingly from out of thin air, "You brought friends this time."

Jadeite's eyes darted from one corner of the room to another trying to find the source of the voice to absolutely no avail. Then, as though his own body were trying to make a fool of him, he saw a wizened gray-haired man with a thick beard and steely blue eyes sitting in the office chair glaring at him menacingly. He was dressed in a white dress shirt with a green checkered pullover vest on top and a pair of worn khakis. He would have been a rather forgettable fellow if not for the fact that he had the threadbare coat of a black tuxedo draped over his shoulders and a domino mask shoved into the crease of his vest.

"Uhh…" Jadeite's mouth and brain suddenly disengaged from one another.

Ares stepped up, obviously struck by the man's familiarity and uttered, "Mamoru?"

The man looked grimly at Ares and then turned his gaze to Nephrite, "You didn't give them _The Speech_ did you?"

Nephrite shrugged and the strange man sighed heavily and waved his hand in Nephrite's direction indicating that he should embark on whatever speech he should have given earlier.

"This man isn't Mamoru." Nephrite explained to his thoroughly confused companions, "He's the Dispatcher."

"Well he certainly sounds like Mamoru." Jadeite observed, "And shares his taste in gaudy evening-wear."

"This place generates a physical reality based on your thoughts, memories and experiences." Nephrite explained in less detail than Jadeite was hoping for, "Otherwise you wouldn't be able to perceive it."

"Okay…" Jadeite barely followed along and took a glance out the window at the bustling crowd, "So… I'm perceiving this place as a subway station because, what, I've seen _The Matrix_ one too many times?"

Nephrite didn't exactly answer. He just turned to the graying, scowling man in the chair, "You perceive the Dispatcher the same way. Your brain is just giving you something familiar to see and hear."

"An older, grouchier version of Mamoru?" Jadeite asked utterly devoid of understanding.

"It's extrapolated to represent your expectation of what the Dispatcher would look like." Nephrite spoke obtusely.

"I didn't know I had an expectation of what someone I've never met before should look like." Jadeite spoke quickly and suddenly felt dizzy again, "I need to sit down." He slumped against a filing cabinet.

"Nephrite." Ares spoke seriously, "Where are we?"

"Jesus." The Dispatcher hacked, "You didn't even tell them _that_?"

Nephrite just shrugged again.

"Can _you_ tell us?" Jadeite pleaded to the Dispatcher, "And can you make more sense than Captain Trips over here?"

"Do you want the long, pretty version?" The Dispatcher offered, "Or the short-bus version?"

"Short-bus." Jadeite eagerly replied.

"You're in the place between life and death." The Dispatcher told him clearly and concisely.

Jadeite cocked an eyebrow at that statement and redirected his gaze at Nephrite who was standing by, contentedly listening.

"Hmm?" he mumbled innocently.

"We're all tripping balls right now, aren't we?" Jadeite asked him with the utmost sincerity, "You drugged us somehow."

"I did not." Nephrite answered evenly, "Only myself."

"I don't believe you." Jadeite countered.

"I told you every door has a key." Nephrite spoke, "I was the key to this place. I merely opened the door so that you and Ares could follow."

"I need more than this pseudo-psychological bullshit!" Jadeite was becoming furious at the run-around by now, "Give me a straight answer and tell me where we are!"

"You want to see?" The Dispatcher addressed him, "Fine, I'll show you."

He motioned to one of the windows of his office which was currently covered by a set of vertical blinds. Jadeite approached swiftly and grabbed the cord of the blinds in one fist and yanked hard. When the blinds rolled up he was assaulted by a screaming, thunderous wind that blew straight into his face hotter than anything he'd ever felt in his life. He was enveloped by impossibly intense heat and pressure as his vision exploded with light and what appeared to be boiling fire against a backdrop of pitch black nothingness. He staggered backwards after just an instant as his senses overloaded completely. The blinds slid shut and shut out the impossible sight. Jadeite stood panting and sweating against the door to the office.

"What…" he barely could speak after having the air burned from his lungs.

"That's why this place creates a reality for you." The Dispatcher reminded him, "Because if you tried to see it the way it really is, your brain would melt."

"It—" Jadeite stuttered, "Full of… _stars_!"

"This is where stars are born." The Dispatcher explained, "And where stars go to die."

"_Actual_ stars?" Ares queried.

"Star _seeds_, actually." Nephrite clarified, as helpful as such terminology was to the ignorant.

"Ugh…" Jadeite groaned recovering from his sensory trauma, "Just say it in Wikipedia terms."

"It's alright, Nephrite." The Dispatcher assured his guest, "You can drop the altar boy routine now."

Nephrite let out a sigh of relief, walked over to where Jadeite was huddled near the door and walloped him as hard as he could in the shoulder.

"OUCH!" Jadeite snapped immediately.

"I was being as patient as possible." Nephrite angrily answered his cry, "And I was holding my tongue out of respect for this place, but you're such a fucking noisy little ankle-biter, sometimes. I swear to god you and Zoisite compete for how deep you can get under my skin."

"Well maybe if you gave us some kind of heads up as to what your opium-added sky-searching fuck-fest was going to entail I would've reacted differently!" Jadeite countered furiously, "Seriously, man… fuck!"

"Are you quite finished?" The Dispatcher impatiently tapped on the arm of his chair, "I have a universe to run, you know."

"Not until I get a straight answer." Jadeite stood his ground.

"Yes, I think we could benefit from some measure of understanding." Ares interjected.

"Wait." The Dispatcher interrupted and knelt down on one knee in front of Ares, "Something isn't right with you."

"Excuse me?" Ares asked.

The Dispatcher held out his right hand and it glowed with a curious light. Ares felt a strange tugging sensation in his chest and suddenly a bright flash nearly blinded him and the _kinzuishou_, The Golden Crystal of Elysion, surged forth from within his canine body and shot into the Dispatcher's hand. The elderly man reached into the pocket of his pants and pulled out a jeweler's lens which he shoved into his left eye and he began intently studying the mystical stone.

"Why…" Ares whimpered cautiously, "Can I still talk?"

"Because I didn't remove the crystal from your physical body." The Dispatcher answered, "How did you get this?"

"It's a long story." Nephrite assured him.

"He's not supposed to have it." The Dispatcher argued and began eagerly flipping through pages in a notebook full of charts identical to the ones splayed out on his desk, "Yes, here. See?" The old man was pointing to a chart which very prominently displayed Mamoru's picture.

"We know." Nephrite told him, "That's part of the reason why I'm here."

"Huh." The Dispatcher grunted and let go of the Golden Crystal. It fell from his hand and then disappeared in a flash just as it had originally appeared. Ares looked around, confused, but apparently still whole.

"Okay, kids. Gather 'round." The Dispatcher motioned to the dog-prince and Jadeite who was still standing near the door, "Its story time."

"Thank god." Jadeite sighed.

"Just listen good, I'm not going to repeat anything. Now then." The Dispatcher grumpily began, "_The_ _stars know everything..._"

* * *

"So what really brought you to my office this morning?" Ami asked after finishing up the lunch she had shared with Zoisite. She was now silently sipping her chai tea.

"To be honest…" Zoisite blushed slightly, "I was hoping you might know something about something that now I know that you don't know about."

Ami's birdlike chirp of laughter didn't help douse the growing heat around Zoisite's cheeks. He was wracking his brain for a get-out-of-jail ticket, but was coming up short.

"How are things at your restaurant?" Ami switched subjects for him.

"Actually." Zoisite paused for a sip of some ridiculously named designer coffee that even he had never heard of before, "Not so good."

"Why?" Ami asked looking genuinely disturbed by his answer.

"There's this huge construction project going on right across the street and—" he was abruptly cut off.

"Right, right." Ami nodded, "Project Serenity."

"Yeah, how—" Zoisite stopped himself mid-sentence and nearly slapped himself in the head, "Of course, you were at the Christmas dinner. You heard the whole thing."

"I reviewed some of the legal documentation as well." Ami told him.

"Stop me if this is out of line." Zoisite hesitated sensing an opportunity, "But was there anything… I dunno… _odd_ about any of the stuff you looked at?"

"Odd?" Ami cocked an eyebrow.

"Like, not normal?" Zoisite beat generously around the bush.

"There were some minor issues with the language in the garbage disposal contracts." Ami revealed, "But if you're looking for something scandalous, I—"

"N- no!" Zoisite jumped, "No, of course not. I was just, you know… curious."

Ami was no fool, "Zoisite."

"Hmm?"

"Why don't you tell me what's bothering you?" she coaxed. Damn it if this didn't feel familiar…

"That man who announced Project Serenity." Zoisite told her as ordered, "He is—_was_… a very good friend of mine."

"Go on."

"Something happened that changed him." Zoisite confided, "The man I knew would never have turned his back on his friends the way Darien Shields has. He wouldn't have put his weight behind this project if he knew it was going to ruin our business. Hell, even this inheritance and all this family prestige that he discovered… he wouldn't have accepted it. He would have given it all away and not batted an eye."

"A sudden influx of wealth can change people." Ami noted wryly.

"This is different than just suddenly coming into some money." Zoisite recalled the instances of Mamoru's erratic behavior over the last year, "It's as if he's been trying to avoid us. He's been shutting himself off from everyone who cares about him _and_ everyone he cares about himself."

He glanced at Ami to find that she was clutching a napkin in one fist with every ounce of strength she had and her eyes betrayed furious understanding.

"Ami?" Zoisite gasped alarmed.

"I'm alright." Ami poorly covered up her knee-jerk reaction to Zoisite's words, "Just…"

"This sort of thing happened to you, too, didn't it?" Zoisite keenly judged.

"My father. The wandering artist." She reminisced, "He was never around when I was growing up, always off peddling his garbage sculptures and finger-paintings." She gave a vicious little grin, "I was only a child and I could tell that there was no artistry in what he did."

"I'm sorry." Zoisite apologized to the table, "I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's okay." She replied warmly, "It doesn't bother me like it used to. I've learned to live with it." She continued, "He used to write to us all the time and occasionally mail home sketches or photos of all the places he visited. He was never malicious, mind you, just distant."

"One day some spoiled, unsophisticated heiress became his _patron_ and began commissioning work from him as though he were the next Rembrandt." Ami told him, "The letters home became shorter and shorter, the sketches became fewer until the point that he just stopped altogether. We'd hear from him occasionally on holidays, but then one day he simply stopped completely."

"My mother and I travelled to London where he was being featured in an exhibition hoping to surprise him, but when we saw him he wouldn't even address us by name." Ami finished, "When my mother tried to give him a hug he had us removed from the exhibit. Two weeks later we got a check for $10,000 in the mail and a letter from his attorney ordering us to stay away."

"$10,000 to split up a family?" Zoisite's blood began to boil.

"We were never really a family." Ami spoke truthfully, but still a bit sorrowfully.

"I'm sorry." Zoisite repeated himself at a loss for what else to say.

"Don't apologize." Ami ordered sternly, "Like I said, I know how it feels when someone you care about turns their back on you."

"I was hoping there was some legal loophole that might help us." Zoisite confessed, though keeping his true intentions veiled, "But we have an idea to get the business rolling again. Literally."

"Really?" Ami seemed genuinely interested. _Genuine_. Zoisite thought, _That word describes her perfectly._

"We're planning on doing like a mobile vending truck kind of thing." Zoisite announced.

"A roach coach?" Ami name-dropped and Zoisite's face went pale.

"Yeah." He whined, "How did you know?"

"I've been involved in a few lawsuits over the years involving those chuck wagons." She revealed, "They're not the most sanitary establishments. Lots of instances of food poisoning. Salmonella. That sort of thing."

"How lovely." Zoisite groaned and his stomach turned slightly.

"I'm sure you and your partners will take all the necessary precautions, however." Ami smiled, "And I'd be happy to lend you a hand if you need any legal assistance. You'll need the proper licenses, after all."

"Well I certainly would appreciate the help." Zoisite laughed uneasily, "Kunzite usually handles all of the legal stuff, but he's… uh…"

"He's still missing?" Ami asked knowingly. Her face read true regret.

"Yeah." Zoisite was slow to reply, "How do you know all these things?"

"I keep myself well-informed as to the goings-on in this city." Ami was not ashamed to admit, "That and Andrew tends to tell me everything about what you guys are up to every time I see him."

"The good-for-nothing tattle-tale!" Zoisite huffed mockingly.

"For instance, I know you called him to find out where I worked." Ami winked.

"That's it." Zoisite stomped his feet on the ground, "No more free booze for Andrew."

"Be nice to him." Ami warned sweetly, "He's one of the good guys."

That statement caught Zoisite off guard. _One of the good guys?_ His brain started working double-time. He never had occasion to consider it before, but if Ami were to base her assessment of Zoisite's character off of their shared past he was sure she wouldn't label him as such. Now the thought began to gnaw at him after decades of lying dormant. He scratched the side of his head and looked up into Ami's concerned, blue, still somehow impossibly innocent eyes.

"Thanks for lunch." Zoisite told her with as much soulfulness as he could muster.

"Maybe we can do it again sometime." She offered.

"God…" Zoisite smiled. If his reaction perplexed her it didn't show, "I hope so."

_I've missed this._

* * *

Mina, panicked to the point of exhaustion, was suddenly drunk with relief when she flew into her apartment and found Usagi comfortably snug in her bed. Her best friend was awake in moments thanks to the other woman's joyous sobbing, hugging, and kissing.

"Mina!" Usagi gasped from beneath her friend's bear hug, "Too hard! Can't breathe!'

"Thank god you're alright!" Mina kept repeating over and over. When her tongue finally got tired of it she switched to, "How did you get here?"

"He brought me here, Mina." Usagi told her without having to attach a name to her pronouns, "The same man who has been watching me and saving me since this whole thing started."

"Usagi…" Mina was breathless at the declaration.

"You don't have to hide it anymore, Mina!" Usagi happily announced, "I know you've seen him. There's no way you didn't."

"You're right." Mina finally broke down. She reached into her coat pocket and produced the white rose, his calling card, which he had left behind at the hospital, "I did see him. But he told me not to tell you…"

"He told me I have to find someone." Usagi revealed, "He said that I was in danger, but that there was someone, a man, who was in even greater danger." She swallowed, somehow eagerly, "And I have to find him."

"Who?" Mina shook her head, "Usagi, wait. This… this doesn't make any sense!"

"I know!" Usagi agreed and grabbed Mina's hands in hers, "Isn't it exciting?"

"Exciting?" Mina was confused and worried, "I don't know if that's the word I would use."

"Well maybe it's a little crazy too, you're right." Usagi replied undeterred, "But Mina, it's so romantic! It's just like a fairytale!"

"Romantic?" Mina was having trouble believing what she was hearing, "Usagi, maybe you need to get some more sleep."

"Mina you don't have to keep handling me with kid gloves, okay?" Usagi snapped at her, "I'm perfectly fine. I know exactly what I'm saying."

"Sorry, hon." Mina apologized, "You're just not usually the up-and-at-'em _"let's go have an adventure"_ type."

"I know, but Mina…" Usagi couldn't suppress that strange glowing smile, "Something tells me that I _have_ to do this. I don't mean to make it sound like some juvenile pretend adventure game, but I think… no. I _feel_ like something is pushing me."

Mina was always easily won over with enthusiasm no matter the caper, but seeing her lifelong friend practically seized with this new imitative, well, there was no way she would miss this.

"Okay then, Indiana Jones." Mina grinned, "Where do we start?"

"Where all great mysteries start." Usagi offered, "At a bar, over a drink."

"A bar?" Mina cocked an eyebrow, "The Four Kings?"

"The Four Kings."

* * *

"Stars?" Ares echoed the words of the Dispatcher.

"Stars are the root of all life in the universe." The Dispatcher explained, "When a star is born, it's given a choice: It can either become an actual star or a planet, or a moon or another celestial body, or it can take the form of a _star seed_ which binds itself to an individual living creature and becomes, in effect, its soul."

"Its soul?" Jadeite gasped in wide-eyed disbelief, "So… your soul… is a star?"

"It's more metaphysical than scientific, Jed." Nephrite clarified somewhat.

"This place, where stars are born and die, is called the Galaxy Cauldron." The Dispatcher explained, "All those faceless people you see out there waiting for their trains are, in fact, stars waiting to be born." The Dispatcher nodded at the clock on the wall as the screech of subway wheels rattled the office, "Sometimes a train will show up and drop people off. Those are stars that have just recently died."

"So if I went and got on a train right now I could be born somewhere else?" Jadeite asked, "Or I could just turn into a star and spend a few billion years out in space?"

"Well, if you got on a train and your name wasn't on my chart your soul would be ripped to shreds by a cosmic fail-safe and your consciousness would be spread across the majority of the known universe in tiny little pieces." The Dispatcher explained with a callous disregard for Jadeite's sanity.

"You keep track of every star that comes and goes through this Galaxy Cauldron?" Ares asked.

"That's my job." The Dispatcher answered with a modicum of pride, "You could say that I'm the guardian of the entire cosmos."

"So this is what happens when you die?" Jadeite despaired, "You stand in line at a crowded subway station for all eternity?"

"When a star returns to the Galaxy Cauldron it is given the opportunity to be reborn." The Dispatcher explained away Jadeite's dread, "Or it can choose to remain in the Cauldron and pass on its experiences, knowledge, and power to new stars."

Jadeite turned slowly towards Nephrite and asked, "So when you used to say that you were going to _"talk to the stars"_ you didn't mean that you were staring at the night sky through a telescope?"

"No." Nephrite answered honestly, "I was coming here to speak with _actual_ stars that were dying and being born. I was learning from them and drawing conclusions based on millions of individual experiences and histories throughout the known universe."

"This is some heavy shit." Jadeite spoke and ran a hand through his blonde head.

"Nephrite, how did you find out about this place?" Ares wondered.

The Dispatcher let out a disparaging grunt of a laugh and turned back towards his desk with a shake of his head. Nephrite shrugged it off.

"Back during the Silver Millennium there were three unbreakable laws that Queen Serenity called the Three Taboos." Nephrite explained, "One of the Taboos was to possess knowledge of the Galaxy Cauldron."

"Ah. Wonderful." Jadeite snickered ruefully, "So you found this place by breaking a law. How very Nephrite of you."

"This doesn't seem like the sort of thing you just stumble upon." Ares observed smartly, "How did you discover the existence of such a place?"

"By breaking the second Taboo." Nephrite answered without a lick of regret.

"Good lord…" Jadeite groaned, "Which is?"

"I met the guardian of the Doors of Time." Nephrite answered matter-of-factly.

"Doors of… Time?" Jadeite stammered for a moment.

"Just as possessing knowledge of the Galaxy Cauldron was illegal, so too was possessing knowledge of the underworld where the Doors of Time resided." Nephrite clarified, "And of _Her_."

"Her?" Jadeite perked up suddenly.

"Sailor Pluto." Nephrite revealed.

"Sailor what? Pluto?" Jadeite jumped, "Another _senshi_?"

"What?" The Dispatcher chortled, "Did you think for all the trillions of stars in the universe that there were only five _senshi_ to guard them?"

"Okay, so how did you ever manage to discover these Doors of Time?" Jadeite posed his next query.

"One night in Elysion I was standing outside staring at the stars." Nephrite grinned slightly, "Whilst I was, shall we say, experimenting with some rather _powerful_ alchemy."

"Getting stoned, in other words?" Jadeite mumbled disapprovingly. Nephrite ignored him.

"And I suddenly had an epiphany as I was watching the stars reel by and I was able to perceive the passage of time differently." Nephrite spoke fondly, "I make no excuses for it. The mind can do amazing things when properly stimulated."

"You can also do amazing damage." Ares warned.

"Regardless." Nephrite continued, "I found that I was able to extend my consciousness into this nether-realm and before long I found myself at the massive, ancient Doors of Time."

"What happened?" Jadeite wondered, now enraptured by the tale.

"Sailor Pluto confronted me." Nephrite elaborated, "She bore a key-shaped staff adorned with a garnet orb which was a deadly cyclone in her hands. She told me I had violated the taboo and would have to be destroyed."

"She sounds pleasant." Jadeite observed.

"She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen." Nephrite was suddenly struck with awe in remembering the details of his tale, "Impossibly, she towered over me. Her legs were so long, she may have stood astride whole worlds. Her hair seemed endless against the nebulous backdrop of eternity beyond the Doors. Her dark eyes shone with starlight. She was eternal. _Perfect_."

"Nephrite?" Ares asked worriedly. He didn't need Nephrite to slip now…

"So she attacked you?" Jadeite interrupted hoping to jolt him back on track.

"No." Nephrite sobered, "I bargained my life against even greater knowledge of the underworld. I challenged the immortal guardian of time itself to a contest of skill for my freedom."

"What skill could you possibly possess to challenge an immortal _senshi_?" Jadeite balked.

"I challenged her to a drinking game." Nephrite answered honestly.

Two sets of eyes, human and canine, blinked for a reply. The Dispatcher ignored the scene altogether as he went about scribbling on his charts and filing away his myriad papers.

"You're not serious." Ares was the first to speak.

"I am." Nephrite stood firm.

"A drinking game?" Jadeite was becoming infuriated again, "Nephrite, I fucking swear—"

He was cut off by Nephrite's abrupt reply, "I was about to die anyway, Jed. What was I going to do? If I was going to die I might as well have died blissfully unaware, but there was still the chance that I could win my freedom. I regret nothing"

"And apparently you won." Ares observed.

"You better fucking believe I won." Nephrite proudly announced, "It seems that standing guard alone at a door in a deserted dimension for hundreds of thousands of years really stunts your tolerance for alcohol." Nephrite snapped his fingers in fine macho form, "She was a lost cause by her second shot."

"So you took advantage of a drunken woman and learned about the birthplace of the stars?" Jadeite laughed heartily, "I don't think this is going to end up a folk tale anytime soon."

"She hasn't let me live it down." Nephrite spoke with an air of thinly veiled angst, "When I would go star-gazing she would sometimes appear to remind me that it was only out of her own sense of honor that she allowed me to continue living with such forbidden knowledge."

"Did you appease her with more liquor?" Jadeite asked.

"I promised her that I wouldn't share anything I learned within the Galaxy Cauldron with anyone." Nephrite spoke solemnly, "Despite how many lives I could have saved when the Dark Kingdom arose."

"So all of the fortune-telling and predictions you made during the Silver Millennium?" Ares was aghast at the revelation.

"Smoke and mirrors." Nephrite answered, "Just as she was bound by her honor not to kill me out of spite, I was bound to hold to my word."

"Yes, yes, yes. Very noble of you. Yadda, yadda." The Dispatcher complained with his back to the trio, "It's enough to make an old man's heart stop."

"Sorry." Nephrite shrugged.

"Sir." Ares stepped up, wanting nothing more to do with ancient ruminations, "Are you able to help us locate a creature called Metalia?"

The Dispatcher spun around in his chair and eyed the canine suspiciously, "Why would you want to find that loathsome beast?"

"Because we believed that she was defeated and destroyed." Ares answered.

"Why would you believe otherwise?" The Dispatcher parried.

"Because we…" Ares eagerly answered and suddenly realized the invalidity of his argument, "We were told… that she survived."

"Heh." The Dispatcher laughed dismissively, "Son, do you even know what Metalia is?"

"A demon." Jadeite answered.

"And the _senshi_ are angels? Hardly." The Dispatcher cackled, "Metalia is a manifestation of chaos; the ancient, primordial antitheses of cosmos… _order_ as you like to call it. They coexist, even if they occasionally rub each other the wrong way."

"The balance struck between order and chaos is what gives rise to life and the infinite diversity of the universe." The Dispatcher motioned to the papers littering his desk, "Each star that is born is tinged with both order and chaos, free to choose a path that suits them."

"Evil does not suit anyone." Ares barked, "If anything evil suits itself. It seeks out what is pure and sucks all the light out of it."

"This has nothing to do with good or evil." The Dispatcher enlightened his company, "Order and chaos have no inherent morality. To the people of your ancient world Queen Serenity, a tireless champion of order, was sometimes seen as a fearful tyrant lording over the Earth from her inaccessible Moon Kingdom. Freedom fighters in oppressed parts of your world are labeled as anarchists by the dictators who attempt to maintain order despite their cruel intentions."

"It's a matter of perception." Nephrite tacked on.

"Perception?" Ares fumed, "Something back on my planet is systematically hunting down and destroying everything connected to the _senshi_ that have protected it for so long. How am I supposed to _perceive_ that?"

"You of all people should understand most clearly what is causing such chaos." The Dispatcher spoke plainly, "Your ill-gotten star seed is all the answer you need."

"My what?" Ares snapped and then felt the _kinzuishou_ within him reverberate at the Dispatcher's suggestion, "The Golden Crystal?"

"It is a star seed; one of the most powerful, in fact." The Dispatcher explained with a strange fondness, "It is the star seed of your planet as well as the Sailor Crystal of your planet's _senshi_ guardian."

"Sailor Crystal?" Jadeite asked.

"I had heard of the Sailor Crystals during the Silver Millennium." Ares spoke from Endymion's memory, "They were ancient artifacts much like the _ginzuishou_ which gave the _senshi_ their awesome powers. But I never knew any more about their true nature."

"The _senshi_ are not merely named after the planets from whence they hail." The Dispatcher informed them, "They are, in effect, the physical embodiment of their planet's energy. They can tap into that energy to perform wondrous feats, or use that energy to guide their planet's evolution. This ability is born out of order and it is one of the primary targets of any effort made by chaos to shift the balance of the cosmos."

"Is that why we perceive chaos as evil?" Jadeite asked, "Because stars and planets are inherently constructs of order and chaos seeks to destroy them?"

"Yes." The Dispatcher answered, "But chaos is not simply an engine of destruction. Chaos is capable of creation, especially in places where order is weakened." The Dispatcher turned his gaze and fixed it firmly on Ares; more to the point, on the metaphysical golden star seed that resided within him.

"You're saying the Earth is weakened somehow?" Ares asked hesitantly.

"The earth has been weakening for some time." The Dispatcher told him, "I do not keep a close eye on stars when they leave here, but I sometimes hear whisperings from stars returning to the Cauldron."

"Why is it weakened?" Jadeite asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" Nephrite seemed genuinely shocked by Jadeite's question.

"The Earth's star seed is not where it should be." The Dispatcher pointed at Ares, "It has been handled and mishandled by so many over the years that the planet has become… disordered."

"Disordered?" Jadeite shivered at the rather businesslike tone of the old man.

"The Golden Crystal maintains the equilibrium of the planet and regulates its energy." The Dispatcher reminded them, "But the Crystal has not been in the possession of whom it was intended for, the person you call Mamoru, who was Endymion."

"And that's been causing this disorder?" Ares asked sharply.

"Yes." The Dispatcher succinctly replied, "Without him, the crystal lies dormant. The Earth's equilibrium fluctuates and the ordered nature of the planet is compromised. It's practically a breeding ground for chaos."

"Holy shit." Jadeite's breath was stolen away.

"The Earth has even been attempting to compensate on its own." The Dispatcher revealed, "Which is why you're standing here."

"What?" Even Nephrite was caught off guard by this.

"By my reckoning you should all be dead." The Dispatcher told them, "Your star seeds returned here just a few years ago and I have no record of them being departing the Cauldron to be reborn."

"So how are we alive?" Jadeite asked morbidly.

"The Earth itself pulled you back to the land of the living." The Dispatcher explained, "You were Endymion's guardians once and no doubt the Earth hoped that you could seek him out and undo whatever had been done to him which prevented him from using the Golden Crystal."

"But we found Mamoru years ago." Jadeite remembered, "And he didn't have the Golden Crystal. Kunzite had it."

"How did Kunzite get it?" Ares asked.

The two Shitennou and their disembodied master stood in the Dispatcher's office in limbo between life and death and stared at each other in astonishment. They wracked their collective brains for minutes on end, but came up short. None of them could remember. Indeed none of them even thought to pose that question until this moment.

"I don't remember." Jadeite was at the edge of tears.

"What the hell…" Nephrite grumbled and rapped his knuckles against the side of his head.

"There's more to this, isn't there." Ares turned to face the Dispatcher, "What else do you know?"

"Nothing." The façade of the guardian of the cosmos answered with finality, "As I said, I don't keep tabs on every star once it leaves the Cauldron; I just ensure their safe passage. You'll have to find out on your own."

"And how are we supposed to do that?" Jadeite stormed around the office, "I can guarantee Zoisite doesn't remember, he can't even remember what he had for dinner last night let alone where we were and what we were doing I don't know how many years ago…"

"Calm down." Nephrite grunted, "I know where to go."

"You do?" Jadeite and Ares asked at the same time.

"Yes." Nephrite was actually shaking where here stood, "And you have to come with me."

"Why?" Jadeite quizzed.

"Because." Nephrite sighed heavily and practically whispered, "I'll need… backup."

"Backup?" Jadeite repeated and a sudden dawning grin spread over his mouth.

"What?" The revelation was lost on Ares.

"You poor bastard." The Dispatcher chuckled and turned back to his desk, "Say hello for me."

"How much wormwood and peyote are you going to have to do to lead us to the Doors of Time?" Jadeite was all-out laughing at this point.

"Shut up." Nephrite growled and tapped the Dispatcher on the shoulder, "Can we maybe… you know?"

"Fine." The Dispatcher grunted and a made a few hasty scribbles on his charts, "Take the BLUE train past Sagittarius Zero and for god's sake _wait_ until the train comes to a complete stop before you get off or you'll be flung halfway across the galaxy."

"Thanks." Nephrite spoke quietly and brushed past Jadeite and Ares who stood gawking as the elder Shitennou walked out the door to the Dispatcher's office, "Are you coming?"

"We're taking a subway to the Doors of Time?" Jadeite was nonplussed.

Nephrite just shook his head with an aggravated sigh and his companions fell in behind them as they made their way to the edge of the platform and waited for their train to their next cosmic destination.

* * *

Zoisite left the law offices of M.T.K. Anderson with a bit of a spring in his step. He hadn't been able to bring himself to confront Ami with the possibility of their ancient world-devouring enemy surviving a decisive battle with the Sailor Senshi, of which she was one (though she couldn't remember it right now, but we'd fix that in a jiffy!) who was now wreaking havoc across the world in a desperate bid for revenge, but at least they had a nice chat.

When Zoisite reached the ground floor he was stunned to find that it was already dark. He hadn't been watching the clock, but he swore that there was no way a whole day could have passed while he and Ami were chatting over ridiculously expensive sandwiches and designer teas. He smiled to himself and brushed a few errant strands of copper from his eyes. _You always did lose track of time when you were around Mercury._

Zoisite pushed his way into the revolving glass doors at the front of the building and, almost predictably, the door got stuck. He was never particularly good at navigating these things. He shoved his shoulder in to the glass pane but the door wouldn't move. He searched the seam around the edge for a pebble or something that may have gotten lodged in there, but came up with nothing. He heard the snap of a switch and every light in the building suddenly went out. His heart began to pound in his chest. When he stood up he was faced with a silhouette in the partition in front of him and he let out a piercing shriek. He spun around and tried to push the door in the opposite direction, but was met by a second silhouette in the partition behind him.

"W- who are you?" Zoisite stammered as he nerves attempted to work themselves down from their current height, "What are you doing?"

"I could ask you the same thing." The imposing shadow in front of her spoke in a grave voice; powerful and masculine, but with a slight feminine inflection.

"I was having lunch." Zoisite answered honestly.

"In the middle of the night?" the figure behind him asked, this one definitely a woman.

Zoisite tried his best to come up with a decent excuse, assuming these two were security officers of some sort. "Look, I know I didn't have an appointment or anything, but—"

"Shut up." The taller shadow in front of him ordered.

Zoisite obeyed, but his eyes had adjusted to the dim light and he could now make out the form in front of him with more clarity. He assumed this figure was a woman as well; she was wearing a skirt… a _fuku_, actually. _A senshi?_ A glint at her waist drew Zoisite's eye and he distinctly saw the outline of a curved sword hanging at her hip with numerous jeweled embellishments. Her face was obscured, but Zoisite could see strands of hair, short-cropped, hanging around her head.

"Consider this your only warning." The taller of the two silhouettes spoke, "And pass this on to the rest of the _Shitennou_." Zoisite's eyes went wide at the mention of his ancient title, "Stay away from the _senshi_. And stay away from Mamoru."

"Mamoru?" Zoisite dared to speak.

"He's our problem now." The shorter silhouette behind him spoke. She appeared to have much longer hair which completely blurred the line between her head and shoulders. She had what appeared to be a hand mirror hanging from a belt on the side of her skirt.

"Problem?" Zoisite was emboldened now, "If you're aware of the Shitennou then you must certainly be aware that we will do everything in our power to protect our Master."

"I would advise against it." The shorter shadow warned.

"Why is that?" Zoisite tested.

"Because you'll lose." The taller figure replied, "And we _will_ kill you."

All he could do at that point was smirk. A threat on his life was one thing. A threat on Mamoru's life, as misguided and malicious as he's been lately, was quite another.

"We'll be watching." The voice behind Zoisite spoke.

When he spun around to address her, the lights of the building came back on in a burst that momentarily blinded the Shitennou. When his eyes refocused, the two figures who had accosted him were gone. He stumbled his way out of the revolving glass door into the cool night air and searched the roof ledges and behind the finely trimmed topiary, but saw no sign of the harassing women. He glanced up and saw the pale moon staring down at him and he grimaced slightly at the thought of what may have been two senshi watching from afar and keeping tabs on everything he did.

"Knock it off."


	33. Time Is On My Side

_Author's Note: After the minor mind-bendery of the last chapter I just wanted to expand a little bit on how my version of the Galaxy Cauldron works._

"_My Four Kings" is primarily based on Manga continuity and at the end of the StarS arc when Sailor Moon and the Starlights travel to the Galaxy Cauldron it appears as a rather dreamlike place gated off from the rest of the galaxy. Following the series' convention of Greek myth the area around the Cauldron reflects Hades; there is even a magical river and Sailor Lethe as a stand-in for Charon the Ferryman. Galaxia's palace resembles a gigantic cathedral and is accompanied by a graveyard bearing the faces of the dead senshi above which fly a multitude of butterflies all representing a deceased star. The cauldron itself is depicted as a void beneath a crystal-arched precipice. Finally, Sailor Cosmos very strongly resembles Sailor Moon which has fueled plenty of speculation as to whether or not she is a future/ultimate form of Usagi._

_I've stated that in my view the Galaxy Cauldron creates a reality for "visitors" to perceive based on what they would be able to comprehend from their own experiences. For Usagi and the Senshi, the imagery is mythological and fantastic, echoing the Silver Millennium, and is represented as a sort of abstract heightened reality due to their quasi-magical natures. Sailor Cosmos resembles Usagi because the Senshi's own experiences would cause them to see Usagi as the exemplar of order. Cosmos represents a perfect, idealized version of what Sailor Moon stands for as a champion opposing Chaos. _

_From the point of view of the Shitennou, creatures who are at this point in their existence just mundane humans, the Galaxy Cauldron is vastly different. They see it in real-world terms as a busy subway station with people (read: souls / star seeds) coming and going. The Dispatcher, who is meant to be Sailor Cosmos, appears to them as an old, crotchety version of Mamoru, the person they would associate from their own collective experience with the forces of order. Unlike Sailor Cosmos who is depicted as sort of an all-powerful guardian of the Cauldron itself, the Dispatcher is depicted as more of a caretaker and record-keeper of star seeds._

_Anyway, I hope that clears up a little bit what I was shooting for. Dig it._

_-A_

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Time Is on My Side

Ares worked hard to overcome the animal instincts that occasionally reared their heads despite the powerful magic which imparted a sense of consciousness and being in his otherwise primitive body. Right now he was hesitating as a dog would when faced with the prospect of walking across a sheet of ice or a slick linoleum floor. Every time he raised a paw to move forward his body would refuse his brain's orders and he would stagger backwards.

The subway ride through the nether-realms of the universe was uneventful and nearly instantaneous. The doors slid open not to another grungy underground station, but to a nebulous, foggy wash of grayish-purple clouds which seemed to spread and spiral on forever. The spirit of Endymion within him was willing, but the flesh of Ares' canine form was weak and, on instinct, unwilling to step out into indistinct, foggy nothingness.

"Uhh…" Jadeite mumbled as he took in the view (or lack thereof).

"Come on." Nephrite grunted and shoved his way past his two companions.

Nephrite strode out the door into the amorphous world beyond and he seemed to walk solidly across nothing at all. Jadeite stuck one foot out and, echoing Indiana Jones' "Leap of Faith" monologue in his head, shifted his weight forward…

"Am I alive?" he asked hesitantly. His eyes were closed.

"Quit being such a pussy!" Nephrite shouted from somewhere up ahead of them.

Jadeite opened his eyes to find himself standing amidst the strange swirling vacuum. He spun around, relieved that he wasn't once again falling through infinity, and motioned for Ares to follow. The princely pup took his companion's approach to heart, closed his eyes tight, and jumped across the threshold of the subway doors to join the Shitennou in the mists.

"I expected this to feel like walking on marshmallows." Jadeite uttered as he walked along though somewhat unsteadily.

"These are the times when I hate being a dog." Ares whined, eyes still shut tight.

"Nephrite, don't get too far ahead!" Jadeite shouted at the vague man-shaped form in the fog in front of him.

"Is it all still clouds and fog?" Ares asked blindly.

"Yeah." Jadeite answered, "You can open your eyes now, though. It's okay. I've gotten used to—"

Jadeite was cut off when he walked headlong into a pillar. Jarred and jolted, he jumped a step back and furiously began rubbing the side of his face where he took the impact.

"God _damn_ it!"

"Oh!" Ares let out a surprised bark upon opening his eyes.

Jadeite glanced through the pain throbbing over half his face to take in the sight as well: an arched doorway held aloft by twin pillars, immaculately carved from what looked to be solid pearl. The double doors, easily twice the height of a man, were solid gold and adorned with relief sculptures of the phases of the Moon. All around the edges of the doors were carved tiny inscriptions in thousands of languages; some contemporary and recognizable, some ancient, some long forgotten.

"Behold." Nephrite spoke, striding into view, "The Doors of Time."

Jadeite leaned in close and stopped short of actually reaching out and touching the door. His eyes scanned the many inscriptions until he landed on one that he could decipher:

"_Tide nor time tarrieth no man."_

"This is amazing." Ares marveled, "I remember being here before."

"What?" Jadeite was genuinely surprised.

"The Golden Crystal is reacting to this place." Ares revealed, "I can feel it. Mamoru had memories of this realm and especially these doors. I…" Ares struggled with the memory, foggy as the underworld in which they stood, "I think … he passed through them."

"Mamoru did?" Jadeite asked, "Are you sure?"

"Yes." Ares was confident now, "Definitely."

"That seems like the sort of thing we should've known." Jadeite sourly remarked

"There's a lot about Mamoru that we don't know." Nephrite contended.

"YOU!" a commanding voice shrieked from the thick veil of fog. It seemed to ring out from every direction at once.

Jadeite, Nephrite and Ares instinctively spun around and put their backs to the Doors as they searched the cloudy expanse for the source of the sound. Nephrite, though obviously startled by the cry, nevertheless smiled and took his place at the head of the group.

"Now, is this any way to greet your friends?" Nephrite pouted and placed his hands at his hips.

"You dare return to this realm heedless of my warnings?" A figure took shape in the shadows becoming more distinct as she moved towards the Doors. The voice continued booming, "And you incite further trespass into this forbidden place?"

"You know, you never specifically said that I couldn't come back here." Nephrite was smug with the silhouette, "Just that you never wanted to see me again."

"It was implied." Sailor Pluto growled stepping fully out of the mist.

Nephrite's breath was lost at the sight of her, but not because of her obvious beauty; because of her _age_. Sailor Pluto's skin had lost none of its otherworldly luster, but thin creases at the corners of her eyes and mouth betrayed the first inklings of wrinkles to come. Her cheekbones similarly, just slightly more pronounced than Nephrite remembered, showed a trace of age. Her jade-colored hair was just as bright and voluminous as ever, but tinged at the very tips with tiny streaks of silver. Still, she exuded confidence and power as she stood with the Garnet Rod clutched defensively in both hands.

"Pluto…" Nephrite gasped in spite of himself.

"Nephrite?" Ares asked worriedly sensing his companion's surprise.

"You're…" the elder Shitennou was still dumbstruck, "You look so… _old_!"

Jadeite blinked. Once. Then he took a step backwards as far as his legs would stretch to get out of range of Nephrite, whom he assumed was about to erupt in a tower of flames for such a comment. Ares simply cleared his canine throat in an embarrassed fashion.

"Thank you." Sailor Pluto nearly let a smile creep up one side of her lips.

"What's happening to you?" Nephrite was worried, that much was obvious. He never showed outward concern to anything not involving liquor or his aquarium.

"I'm getting older, Nephrite." Pluto's voice was surprisingly gentle now, in contrast to her thunderous entrance, "It happens to everyone."

"Not to _you_." Nephrite was quick to remind her.

"Maybe so." Pluto was nonplussed, "But a lot of things seem to be happening lately that shouldn't."

"Things?" Nephrite pried, "Like what?"

"I saw you." The ancient guardian revealed, "At the Galaxy Cauldron."

"That's not surprising." Nephrite was dismissive, "You're omniscient."

"It was the first time that I saw you since you were reborn." Pluto immediately amended her statement, "In fact, I didn't even _know_ you had been reborn until that moment."

"What do you mean?" Nephrite was perplexed.

"Nephrite." Pluto stepped closer and Jadeite instinctively took another step back. He wasn't exactly frightened of her, but something about her and her nether-realm made him uneasy, "I haven't been able to see what's been happening on the Earth."

"What?" Nephrite snapped, looking as if he were about to single-handedly track down the responsible party and beat them to a pulp.

"I've only been able to see the most generalized of shapes through a thick haze." Pluto put her otherworldly duties in human terms, "And lately time itself has been moving… erratically."

"Are you still able to see the future?" Nephrite insisted.

"It's constantly in flux." The _senshi_ of the underworld confessed, "The past seems to remain the same, what I can see of it, but the future is changing endlessly. Whatever is happening on the Earth right now is drastically altering the timeline."

"Is that necessarily a bad thing?" Jadeite asked somewhat meekly.

"Yes, Jadeite." Sailor Pluto called him by name, "Very bad."

"We have some notion of what's happening, but we need your help to understand it." Nephrite explained, "We need to find out exactly what happened to separate Mamoru and the _kinzuishou_."

"The Golden Crystal is missing?" Sailor Pluto nearly staggered at the thought.

"Not missing." Ares stepped up, "Misplaced."

"You…" Sailor Pluto pointed a gloved finger at the canny canine and knelt down before him, "Endymion?"

"Only… partially." Ares replied slowly. The way the ancient _senshi_ was staring at him felt oddly familiar, but with a pervasive sense of voyeurism.

"Oh my…" Sailor Pluto pondered as she stood.

"What's the last thing you saw on Earth before you weren't able to see anymore?" Nephrite asked.

"I'm …" Sailor Pluto stalled for what might have been the first time in her exceptionally long live, "I'm sorry. I don't know."

"Pluto?" Nephrite immediately sensed how his question affected her.

"I'm sorry." She repeated and leaned heavily on the Garnet Rod, "I used to know everything. I used to be able to see _everything_, but now…" she paused and glanced up at the misty emptiness above, "Lately I can barely grasp a moment as it passes by. I used to be able to hold eons in my hands..." She looked back at Nephrite, forlorn, "I fear that my sins have finally caught up with me and have robbed me of my power."

"Sins?" Jadeite asked in spite of himself.

"I have broken the Taboos," Pluto confessed, "I abandoned these doors. I travelled through time and even halted it entirely."

"I'm sure you had no other choice." Nephrite was confident despite being ignorant of the context of her crimes.

"I very well may have." Pluto spoke bitterly, "But now I… I _don't remember._"

"What could have made the guardian of time itself abandon her post?" Ares hazarded the question.

"I was trying to save Mamoru's daughter from death and damnation." Pluto replied a bit condescendingly.

"Mamoru's …" Jadeite scratched his head, "Daughter?"

"Chibi-Usa." She spoke matter-of-factly, "Surely he spoke of her." She didn't give the Shitennou time to reply, "In fact, it was largely by her influence that Mamoru came to possess the Golden Crystal at all."

The blank stares received from the Shitennou and their canine companion was all Sailor Pluto needed.

"You don't remember any of this, do you?"

"No." they answered in turn. Ares seemed most distressed.

"You don't remember Mamoru and the _senshi_ traveling through the Doors of Time to the 30th Century to do battle with the Black Moon Clan?" Sailor Pluto inquired.

"I had the faintest inkling that Mamoru had been here." Ares admitted, "But that's all."

"You don't remember the Silence?" Pluto continued, "Mugen Academy and the rise of Sailor Saturn?"

"You don't remember the Dead Moon Circus and the nightmares that nearly destroyed Elysion?"

"You don't remember the _senshi_ from beyond the solar system? Or Sailor Galaxia threatening the Galaxy Cauldron itself?"

"Pluto." Nephrite stepped up and silenced her bullet-point overview, "There seems to be a lot we don't remember."

"Mamoru's real name, for one." Jadeite mumbled half-heartedly.

"These people and events you spoke of." Ares asked, "Who were they? How long ago did they occur?"

"They were foes of the Sailor Senshi." Pluto replied, "Each threat greater than the last; each seeking to sow the seeds of Chaos in their own way." Pluto glanced at Nephrite and Jadeite with an impassive expression, "To the Sailor Senshi, your Dark Kingdom was merely a dress rehearsal for the grand conflicts that followed."

Jadeite shuffled his feet a bit and looked down and away into the misty nothing that surrounded their ethereal gathering. Nephrite's eyes were closed; likely deep in thought and attempting to assembled the puzzle which was most likely missing half of its constituent pieces.

"At the Galaxy Cauldron we were told that because Mamoru became separated from the Golden Crystal the Earth had become disordered." Ares spoke, "Is it possible that the presence of Chaos would prevent you from watching the passage of time on Earth?"

"It is possible, I suppose." Sailor Pluto assumed, "Chaos distorts and perverts everything it comes in contact with, the flow of time included." She shook her head negatively, "Sailor Moon… she sealed Chaos away in the Galaxy Cauldron. But..."

"Come again?" Jadeite was confused.

"We knew that Chaos would return." Pluto stressed, "That in some unfortunate way Chaos _had_ to exist to give the universe any substance; any diversity. I just didn't think it would've been so soon…"

"In relation to what?" Nephrite reminded her, "If Chaos is affecting the flow of time, which you said is possible, then all bets are off. From our point of view we could be living millions of years in the future and never know it."

"But there's no flying cars." Jadeite attempted a moment of levity. And failed.

"Pluto." Nephrite spoke seriously, "I don't ask you to break your Taboo and come with us, but we need to go back in time. We need to find out what happened."

"Until we understand the nature of this threat, I cannot physically send you backwards through time. To do so could be the very catalyst of this paradox." Pluto warned, "But I may be able to project your consciousness so that you can observe the past as I am no longer able to do."

"Anything would be helpful." Ares added.

"Unfortunately, because of whatever is affecting me, the Earth itself, and time as a whole, I cannot guarantee that you will arrive exactly where you wish to go." Pluto stipulated, "As it is, I've only been able to perceive time in broad strokes."

"You just put us in the ballpark and we'll find our way." Nephrite promised.

Pluto nodded and then reached to the top of her staff. The Garnet Orb lifted free of the rod and floated down into her palm. The talisman radiated power and hovered just a few inches above the eternal senshi's hand. She moved forward and presented the Orb to Nephrite who reached out tentatively with both hands and grasped the holy object.

"Let the Garnet Orb act as a lantern to guide you through the mists of time." Pluto explained, "Concentrate on your destination and it will reveal a path."

"I will protect it with my life." Nephrite assured her in a moment of pure valor.

"When you are ready, then. The doors will open for you." The senshi of the underworld gestured towards the towering arch looming nearby.

"Thank you, Pluto." Nephrite graciously bowed, "We won't be gone long."

"I certainly hope not." She offered the smallest glimmer of a smile that she could. As the Shitennou and their canine companion turned away she called after them, "Endymion!"

Ares turned to look over his back at the ancient guardian, "Pluto?"

"Take care of yourself." The senshi said warmly.

"You too." Ares returned the odd sentiment. When he turned back Nephrite reached out and placed a hand on the gilded surface of the Door.

The huge twin slabs swung inward with a groaning creak of ancient hinges and the trio stepped through into what appeared to be simply more of the same gray cloudy nothingness that made up Sailor Pluto's domain. However, when the doors swung shut behind them they suddenly found themselves in a completely different place; a familiar place. The ground beneath their feet was solid. The wind was cold. The solid rock walls were freezing and dotted with frost. The Garnet Orb flared with light and the ancient cavern was illuminated fully.

Torn, faded tapestries still clung feebly to the walls. The floor, once pristine polished obsidian, was cracked and faded. A throne lay shattered at the height of a stepped dais. The air tasted sick and stale in that abandoned hall and a seeping black mist seemed to lay in every forgotten nook and corner.

"Oh Jesus." Jadeite gasped and covered a hand over his mouth.

"Now this place I remember." Ares growled and his fur stood on end.

It was their bleak homecoming to the Dark Kingdom.

* * *

Usagi and Mina walked through the doors of the Four Kings to find it surprisingly empty. The construction project going on across the street was kicking up a nearly deafening din and they had to assume that it was driving business away. The booths were all empty and there was no one sitting at the bar. The only person they saw was Lita, Nephrite's girlfriend Mina verified her mental records, who was behind the bar flipping through a book so lost in thought (or boredom) that she didn't notice the pair enter.

"Hello, Lita." Mina chirped and suddenly realized that the brunette would have no idea who she was considering that she was disguised as Usagi the only time they met. Mina reacted quickly and shoved Usagi in front of her.

"Hey there!" Lita replied perkily. "Haven't seen you around here in a while."

"I… uh…" Usagi stuttered. She knew Lita by name and saw her occasionally coming and going from the restaurant, but couldn't recall a time when she had ever even spoken to her so informally.

"Trust me, I get it." Lita waved a hand, "The guys have been worried sick about Kunzite. I don't suppose you've heard from him?"

"Kunzite?" Mina stepped out from behind Usagi, fully engaged, "Why? What's wrong?"

"Uh…" Lita was surprised by the bubbly blonde's abrupt manner, "He's been missing since Christmas?" Her tone indicated that was a topic that probably should have been raised by now.

"Missing?" Mina gasped, though mostly to herself.

"Sorry, do I know you?" Lita asked pointing a finger at Mina.

"You do now." Mina seized her finger with her hand and shook vigorously.

"Lita, this is Mina, my roommate." Usagi introduced her after the fact.

"She's told me all about you." Mina continued shaking her finger, "Seriously, like _everything_. I feel like we're best friends already."

"Uh-huh." Lita grinned hesitantly and pulled her finger out of Mina's hand, "Well that cuts down on the awkward getting-to-know-you phase."

"I know, right?" Mina giggled and shoved Usagi down onto a bar stool alongside her, "So now, what's this about Kunzite apparently missing?"

"Pretty much what I said." Lita leaned back against the back of the bar, "He took off after the city's Christmas party and nobody's seen him since." She picked up a postcard off the counter next to her and slid it in front of the girls, "The guys get these postcards occasionally, but there's no guarantee it's from him."

Mina picked up the card and felt an electric jolt shoot through her hand. No hypnosis or tarot readings necessary… she knew that Kunzite wrote this card. The card depicted the sun in cloudless blue sky hanging over a white sand beach against brilliant turquoise waves of the ocean. On the back of the card in single-stroke letters was written the word "Summer." She was unaware of the fact that her lower lip was trembling slightly.

"How are you holding up, Usagi?" Lita asked concerned. The last memory she had of "Usagi" was her rather obvious post-coital reappearance at the Christmas party.

"Me?" Usagi was confused, and slightly incised at being reminded of the whole fiasco, but covered valiantly, "You know… one day at a time."

"I know the rest of the guys were worried when you stopped showing up for work." Lita told her which laid an unhelpful guilt trip on Usagi's already burdened mind, "I've been helping out where I can, but this twice-fucked Project Serenity is killing business."

"Yeah, that Darien Shields is a real dick." Mina declared. Usagi, in spite of herself and all that had happened in the past few days, couldn't hold back the disapproving glare that she shot her best friend.

"Most men are." Lita agreed, "Actually, make that _all_ men."

"Does that include Nephrite?" Usagi asked with a sly nod. Normally she would be too shy to engage in a conversation like this or trade jabs with someone she barely knew, but she felt as relaxed around Lita as she did when she was around Mina, and it wasn't just because the latter was sitting next to her.

"Nephrite is one of the biggest dicks of all." Lita replied almost proudly, "I'm pretty sure he'd win awards if they had them, or maybe if they all got together to vote they'd elect him King Dick."

"But obviously he's not too much of a dick for you." Mina added.

"He might be a dick, but he's a charming dick." Lita blushed slightly, "It just takes some digging to get through all the dickness. Maybe it just comes with living with a bunch of guys for so long." She laughed and glanced at Nephrite's collection of liquor behind the bar and thought of his bourbon-colored hair, "At any rate, he's _my_ dick."

"That must be one hell of a conversation-starter." Mina mentioned, "You. Having a dick."

"Okay, stop." Usagi warned her, "Before this gets X-rated."

"I think we're long past that, hun." Lita chuckled.

"So where is your dick?" Mina asked noticing the stark lack of dicks in the general vicinity.

"Not really sure." She answered and glanced backwards into the kitchen for effect, "I got a message from Jadeite last night saying that he and Nephrite would be in late, if at all today. Something to do with a dog? I don't know. Haven't seen Zoisite."

"This whole crew can be so weird." Usagi commented.

"Yes, so I've noticed." Lita laughed again.

"Dicks." Mina smacked a wad of gum between her teeth.

The telltale jangle of the front door interrupted their conversation and a half-dozen dirty, sweaty, tool-toting construction workers filed in one after the other, most of them still decked out in hard hats, safety glasses, and fall harnesses. Usagi immediately felt self conscious as their eyes scanned over her body, Mina's as well. Lita snapped her book shut and leaned forward on the bar.

"Afternoon, guys." She greeted them and suspiciously eyed the wrenches and hammers they were still carrying, "Is it _"bring your tools to lunch"_ day?"

The men said nothing, but shuffled forward. Usagi slid down off her stool as they approached and grabbed Mina by the wrist. She was already thinking of bolting past the bar, through the kitchen and out through the back door.

"Hey!" Lita shouted again and added a high pitched whistle to try to draw their attention to no avail.

Mina's fists clenched at her sides. This felt just like her encounter in the hospital with Darien. She stood up from her stool and the man closest to her lunged. He had a rusty stillson wrench in his right hand which he swung fiercely as though it were made of cardboard. She ducked out of the way as it smashed off the edge of the bar and gouged out a chunk of wood and brass.

"What the fuck?" Lita screamed and put one hand on the bar.

She threw herself over the top with a graceful leap and spun into a midair kick that she landed square on the construction worker's neck. The man hobbled and nearly dropped his wrench, but he turned back after regaining his balance and came at the group again. The rest of the men formed a rough circle around the small group.

Lita took a step back and sweat stung her eyes as it began to pour off her in what felt like waves. She thought she was over this; that Nephrite had helped put it all behind her, but she felt the same fear again well up inside her. She was a helpless child listening from under her bedsheets and peeking through the keyhole to see that man, that _demon_ that had ruined her add another lock of hair to his scrapbook. Any one of these men could have been him. Hell, as far as she was concerned they were _all_ him. She knew what they wanted, but at least this time they … _He_ … wouldn't be able to take it. She would make them _fight_ for it.

The door opened again and for a split second Lita considered pushing herself off the bar and shouldering her way through the men to escape into the city, but cleared the thought from her mind immediately. Over the muscular, dirty shoulders of her attackers she caught sight of a celery-sprout of copper hair. It all happened so fast that she didn't even have a chance to call out.

"Woah, customers?" Zoisite asked as he walked into the restaurant, fiddling with his iPhone at the same time, "What a new and exciting—"

One of the workers turned around and threw a claw hammer. It spun end-over-end through the expanse of the roadhouse and cut Zoisite off mid-sentence as it connected with the top left side of his head. It bounced almost perfectly backwards and landed on the ground at Mina's feet. The hammer tore a gash across the Shitennou's forehead and he toppled unconscious to the ground with a gurgling moan.

"Zoisite!" Usagi shrieked and instinctively tried to run forward to help.

Two of the men grabbed her and dragged her, kicking and screaming, away from the rest of the group. Mina wasted no more time waiting to make a move. She dropped to her knees, grabbed the bloody hammer and swung upwards directly into the crotch of the construction worker standing in front of her. She had expected him to crumble helplessly to the ground, but if the blow did anything to faze him he didn't show it. A blank stare was all that she received for her trouble. The man reached down and grabbed her by a twisted clump of hair in his fist and dragged her painfully to her feet.

Lita lashed out with the best weapon at her disposal: her fists. She connected her first roundhouse punch on one of the men's chins, but he too was unfazed. She kicked him backwards to give herself more room, but he only closed the distance again. When she tried to land another punch he caught her arm by the wrist and twisted it mercilessly, forcing her to follow the motion or break her wrist. Now bound helplessly, she could only let out a fearful growl and claw at the man's hand with her dangerous nails, but the tearing of flesh and trails of blood seemed to do little to deter their single-minded advance.

"What do you want?" Usagi screamed as she tried to break free of her captors' powerful grips.

All she received in return was a heavy fist against the back of her head. Her vision swam as the pain of the blow wracked her body. Her legs gave out and she now hung limp and vulnerable. She could hear her friends calling her name and struggling, but she couldn't see them. Suddenly she desperately just wanted to close her eyes and go to sleep.

A blinding flash, however, woke her up immediately. At once the two men holding her released their grip and they both fell backwards as she fell forward. Her vision was still wobbling and her head was pounding, but she saw the rose sticking out of the ground in front of her all the same.

A _red_ rose.

A figure, dark and agile, moved past her. The construction workers turned to face him, but the man was simply too fast. A long black cape obscured his motions, but Usagi could tell by the way it snapped and twirled around him that those motions were violent. Four men fell in as many seconds as tools clattered noisily to the ground. Lita took a step back in fearful awe and Mina rushed to Usagi's side and helped her up into a sitting position. Zoisite lay motionless on the ground.

It took a few more minutes for her to regain her faculties completely, but when she did Usagi saw the handsome, angular face of a man before her. His eyes were obscured by a white domino mask which pointed upward through streaks of back, oily hair. Beneath his cape was a black tuxedo which, while gaudy and totally out of place considering their surroundings, seemed to suit him perfectly. He held his tall top hat in one hand as he knelt before her.

"Are you alright?" he asked warmly.

"Y- yes." She replied weakly. How many times had she been woken up like this in the past few days?

"Thank goodness." The tuxedoed, masked man smiled, "For a moment I thought I was too late."

"You saved me." Usagi spoke slowly, "All of us."

"You're in danger here, Usagi." He warned her, somehow knowing her name, "Those men were the first of many. We need to get you somewhere safe."

Usagi recalled the words of her other mysterious savior, the knight who appeared to save her with white roses while this man preferred red…

_"You're in terrible danger." She was warned, "But _his_ peril is greater still."_

"Is it you?" it suddenly occurred to her, "Are you the one I'm supposed to find?"

The man may have looked back at her, perplexed, but the mask obscured all emotion. She reached up slowly towards it with one hand, but she was stopped. The masked man, his hand gloved, intertwined his fingers with hers and held her hand at bay. Usagi's heart raced at his touch despite the white material between them.

"You have something that they want." The man in black told her soothingly, "Something that you probably don't even know about."

"What?" she asked breathlessly. She was transfixed by his eyes; those eyes that she couldn't see.

"If you give it to me…" he pleaded with her, "I can protect it. They won't ever come back. Nobody will ever try to hurt you again."

She had no reason to resist, after all. This man had saved her life. For a moment she thought he was leaning forward to steal a kiss from her pursed, trembling lips. He forced her hand down onto her lap as his other hand moved towards her chin, then her neck and slowly traced down her collarbone to the silver pendant hanging beneath her shirt…

"Take your hands off her now." A new, familiar voice ordered from behind Usagi.

She glanced up with a start to see the blade of a sword sparkling in the midday sunlight above her. The man in white, the knight, stood behind her, his eyes narrowed and grim, his mouth twisted into a sneer behind his own mask. The man in the tuxedo released Usagi's hand and slowly rose to his feet.

"I assure you there is no need for violence." He told the knight soothingly.

He was answered by a deadly sword stroke which sheared his top hat in two. The pieces fell from his hand and rolled on the floor near where Usagi still sat.

"I know what you are." The knight threatened.

"Do you?" the masked man seemed amused.

The knight struck the tip of his sword quickly against the floorboards before leveling it at his opponent again. A small white spark from where the sword struck travelled across the cracks and crevices of the floor towards the red rose which still stood in front of Usagi. The spark traveled up the stem and spread among the petals which immediately bled all of their scarlet color away into smoky black.

"What the hell?" Lita gasped upon seeing the rose change color.

"Who are you?" Usagi demanded as she stood and scuttled away from the tuxedoed intruder.

"Princess, you must get away from here now." The Knight warned her.

"I …" she stammered uselessly.

"Even in death you somehow still haunt me." The man in black growled over Usagi's shoulder at the man in white.

"Love never dies." Was his reply.

"Really?" Tuxedo Mask asked and produced his cane from within his cloak and drew out a thin, concealed saber, "Care to put that theory to the test?"

The Moonlight Knight lowered his body into a fighting stance and waited for his opponent to make the first move. He would not have to wait long.

* * *

"What the hell are we doing here?" Jadeite asked nervously. His voice was thick with hesitation.

"Pluto?" Nephrite shouted towards the frozen ceiling, "Pluto, can you hear me?"

The Garnet Orb pulsated and flashed and the voice of the ancient senshi filled the abandoned cavern.

"Yes." She replied, "And more, I can see you."

"Well that's a start." Ares commented.

"It's likely because of the Garnet Orb." Pluto clarified, "It's acting as a looking-glass through time." Nephrite thought he heard her sigh in otherworldly ecstasy, "It's wonderful."

"Why did it bring us here?" Nephrite asked. His own hesitation was not lost on his companions.

"Likely because your memories of the Dark Kingdom are strong and tied to your own experience with Chaos." Pluto elucidated.

"My memories are all that I need of this frozen hole." Jadeite grumbled unhappily, "And I'd like to forget those as soon as possible, please and thank you."

"Don't be so quick to dismiss where you are." Pluto suggested, "The Garnet Orb rarely acts without a specific purpose. Look closer."

"This is the throne room." Nephrite recalled the unsavory geography of his one-time subterranean home, "Above us is the arctic D-Point where Metalia entered the world."

"Metalia." Ares repeated, "Chaos."

"What you were told at the Galaxy Cauldron was true." Pluto's voice reaffirmed, "Queen Metalia was an aspect of Chaos itself. The first of many."

"But we knew that." Ares reminded their ethereal guide, "So there must be another reason that we were brought here. There must be something else that we should remember." Suddenly it dawned on him in a hellish flash, "Metallia possessed Mamoru for a time."

"She possessed us all." Jadeite was quick to add, "She leeched life energy away to support her escape from Queen Serenity's magical prison. When she was done; everything she touched turned to stone."

"Except Endymion." Ares remembered, "Because he was freed from Metalia's control by Sailor Moon." Ares pawed his way towards the center of the throne room, "And when she struck him with the Moon Sword, you protected him."

Jadeite physically recalled the sensation of the gemstone which bore his name cracking against the impact of the sword. The Shitennou's stones were held inside Mamoru's breast pocket, even when he was Metalia's thrall.

"I feel the Golden Crystal resonating." Ares spoke, eyes closed in contemplation, "It's reacting to something in this room."

"Some lingering darkness, I fear." Pluto spoke from her domain, "The black stain, or warp in space-time that Chaos left in its wake."

"Can we fix it?" Ares demanded, feeling the surge of purpose within him to protect the planet.

"The Earth will heal." Pluto assured him, "But likely not within any of your lifetimes. Such things, ironically, take time."

Nephrite turned around to look for anything else that might help guide them, but the Garnet Orb flickered and flashed as he did and the group suddenly found themselves in a completely different place and time. They stood on the edge of a cliff far away from the edge of a great city. The sky was black and roiling with clouds. Black streaks of lightning struck the ground in great spurts, attracted to several mountainous, monolithic columns of obsidian stone which looked to have been stabbed into the Earth.

A tower of crystal stood at the center of their vision, a stark contrast to bleak darkness that suffocated the land. Above the crystal tower, apparently halted in mid-fall, was a colossal sphere of burning black energy. Tendrils of seeping darkness lapped at the palace, licking and tasting for any possible means of entry. Blasts of hateful energy emanated from the globe, shattering the ground with great shockwaves time and again. Ares let out a bestial howl of rage at the sight.

"What—" Jadeite was dumbstruck with dread.

"Pluto!" Nephrite screamed.

"I am here." Her reassuring voice put the terrified group only slightly at ease, "I was not expecting the Orb to lead you to this place."

"What is this?" Ares whimpered, "Is this Earth?"

"Yes." Pluto replied gravely, "This is the Earth in the far-off future. The 30th Century. You are looking at the shining utopia of Crystal Tokyo."

"Utopia?" Nephrite knew Pluto's sense of humor was far darker than his own, but even that was a stretch.

"Ruled by a benevolent Queen who gifted peace and immortality to all mankind." Pluto spoke fondly, but then took on a darker tone, "Except for those who rejected her power and turned to darkness."

"What is that hanging above the crystal tower?" Ares shuddered at the sight of the horrid thing.

"It is called Nemesis – The Black Moon. A dead planet of poison energy." Pluto revealed, "A lost star ignited by Chaos."

"I don't see any people." Jadeite gasped, "No buildings. _Nothing._"

"At this point the only people left alive on the planet were the Senshi." Pluto recalled sadly, "This is the moment in which Chaos came closest to achieving its goal of destroying the Earth. This is where I broke the greatest Taboo to halt time and give the Senshi a fighting chance to stave of destruction."

"Pluto." Nephrite's voice was seething with anger, fear and regret, "Is this our future?"

"No." Pluto replied evenly, "But because of what happened here it _is_ your past. The reverberations of this battle echo backwards through the ages. This wound is far greater than the one inflicted by Metalia."

"What was Mamoru's role in all of this?" Ares asked suspiciously.

"He aided Sailor Moon directly in defeating the Death Phantom of Nemesis, the incarnation of Chaos that had bound itself to the dark planet." Pluto explained, "However, for a time he was brought under the sway of the Black Moon."

"He was possessed by Chaos again?" Ares balked at the thought.

"Yes." Pluto replied and after a long pause repeated, "Yes."

"Ares, do you feel the Golden Crystal reacting to this place?" Nephrite asked.

"The same as before." Ares replied with a painful wince, "It feels like a lead weight in my chest."

"I believe I understand what the Garnet Orb is showing you." Pluto spoke from the ether, "It is taking you to the points of the great battles between the Senshi and the incarnations of Chaos."

"Why?" Jadeite asked.

"I'm still not sure." Pluto confessed.

"Then let's continue." Nephrite ordered and spoke directly to the Garnet Orb, "Show us what you will."

The world around them shifted again to a similar, yet altogether different tableau. Again they found themselves on the outskirts of a city; Tokyo they assumed. They were standing in the center of three towering skyscrapers amidst the ruins of a third building which looked to have been split perfectly down the center. The sky above was dark, but the clouds parted directly above them allowing a view, as if through the eye of a storm, to a dark, spiraling galaxy which looked to be racing towards them.

"Ugh!" Ares grunted. His paws gave out and he fell to the ground.

"Master!" Jadeite gasped and knelt next to him.

"I'm all right." Ares assured him, "It… it's the Crystal."

"We can't keep leaping around like Scott Bakula." Jadeite told his elder companion.

"Mugen Gakuen." The ethereal voice of Sailor Pluto joined them once again.

"Another battle with Chaos took place here." Ares surmised as he struggled to stand once again.

"Correct." Pluto spoke, "Chaos sought to merge itself with the Earth by summoning a sentient malevolence from beyond the solar system; Master Pharaoh 90, the demon of Tau Ceti."

"The Golden Crystal is burning inside me." Ares coughed, "Chaos took root here. I can still feel its lingering presence."

"Nephrite, maybe we should—" Jadeite attempted to end their journeys, but was silenced.

"Garnet Orb." Nephrite ordered the talisman, "Take us to the next battle."

The word slid past them again and the trio found themselves standing in the heart of downtown Tokyo. Again darkness covered them like a hateful blanket, but they could see no clouds above. The buildings seemed to be entombed in what looked like giant spider webs. The sticky sinews stretched across every surface and blotted out the sky from view. Each strand invariably led back to a tall point at the center of the city: a towering, multi-colored circus tent jutting out of the ground, ominous and completely out of place.

Ares let out a howling whimper and his paws gave out again. He hit the ground hard, moaning and yelping and clawing helplessly at the air as his body convulsed.

"No!" Jadeite shrieked and knelt at his master's side once more, "Nephrite! We _have_ to stop; this is killing him!"

"Yes." Nephrite was grim in reply, "It is."

"J- Jadeite… I—" Ares could barely speak.

"Endymion!" Sailor Pluto's voice finally caught up to them, "Not again…"

"Pluto?" Jadeite shouted at the spider-webbed sky, "What's happening to him?"

"This moment is when Mamoru first called the Golden Crystal forth from within his own body." Pluto remembered, "The Dead Moon Circus sought to destroy the Earth from within by attacking the holy land of Elysion."

"Elysion?" Ares gasped at the sound of his ancient home.

"Such an assault weakened Mamoru considerably." Pluto told them sorrowfully remembering Mamoru's pitiful state, "If Elysion had fallen, Mamoru would have fallen with it, but the combined power of the Golden and Silver Crystals proved enough to defeat Chaos' emissary once again."

"And these webs covering the world?" Nephrite surmised, "Chaos poisoned the Earth once again. Another battle. Another wound."

"We can't keep doing this." Jadeite warned forcefully.

"Garnet Orb…" Nephrite spoke hesitantly.

"Are you _insane_?" Jadeite thundered and jumped off the ground to face him.

Nephrite put out a hand and forced his younger associate away, "Take us to the final battle!"

* * *

Tuxedo Mask lunged at the Moonlight Knight intent on skewering his prey with one swift jab, but the Knight was faster. His scimitar deflected the blow easily. Mask feinted and lunged again, but was deflected a second time. He kicked himself off the ground and leapt over the Knight's head hoping to catch him off guard and bury the thin blade in his back, but the Knight simply turned to face him.

"You know you're only delaying the inevitable." Tuxedo Mask taunted with a zealous grin.

"I will suffer any delay to strike you down." The Knight told him.

Mask attacked again and was repelled. Fleet footwork launched him onto the top of the bar and the Knight joined him as they fenced their way across the long expanse. Lita spun away and watched and nearly tripped over the unconscious bodies of the construction workers that had so recently attacked them.

"We should get out of here." Mina whispered to the women on either side of her.

"Who the hell are these guys?" Lita asked watching the combatants strike at every opening only to parry each other's deadly blades away.

"It's a long story." Mina assured her.

"I can't go." Usagi stated softly.

"What?"

"I'm not leaving." She reiterated, "I can't."

"Princess!" The Moonlight Knight called out to her, "Get away from here!"

"Don't listen to this _shadow_ of a man, Usagi!" Tuxedo Mask countered.

The Knight leapt forward and landed a glancing blow with his fist against Tuxedo Mask's ribs. The masked man staggered backwards, but quickly righted himself to continue the fight.

On the floor near the entrance Zoisite finally stirred. He opened one eye slowly and then the other to find that his vision was out of focus. His head was pounding with the most acute, splitting headache he'd ever had. He ran a hand through his hair, felt something sticky, and pulled his hand back to see it coated with fresh blood. He absentmindedly wiped it on his shirt, his body unaware of the damage that had been done to it. Before him he saw a figure in a white turban and cloak engaged in a heated sword duel with a man he recognized as Tuxedo Mask, though from where he knew the name he couldn't recall.

Zoisite staggered to his feet still completely oblivious as to the severity of his wound. He very nearly slipped in the puddle of his own blood that had collected near where his head lay. Steadying himself against the wall, he tried unsuccessfully to focus on the fight. The motion made him queasy and he swiftly sank back down to his knees.

"Mm—Master…" He mumbled incoherently.

"Get down!" Lita screamed and pulled Mina and Usagi down with her as Tuxedo Mask reared back with his sword, heedless of the fact that he came within an inch of decapitating the girls.

"Stop it!" Usagi suddenly cried, "Stop fighting! PLEASE!"

"Usagi, they can't hear you!" Mina was furious, but even she could not understand why.

"Will you finish this now?" The Moonlight Knight asked his circling opponent, "Or do we continue this pointless dance?"

"If you insist." Tuxedo Mask replied.

Both men charged towards each other and struck at the same time, both aiming for the other's heart. Their blades crossed in midair and the force of the blows halted them. The blade of Tuxedo Mask's thin saber shattered. The Knight's scimitar chipped and cracked along its length before crumbling, leaving both combatants with useless hilts. They stopped, both took several steps backwards, and waited.

"Not good." Lita murmured as she watched. She knew from her own experience that something big was coming. From where she knelt between Usagi and Mina she could reach them both…

The flicker of white and black was all the encouragement she needed. Lita wrapped her strong arms around Usagi and Mina both and launched into a full sprint. Tuxedo Mask flung his arm towards the Knight and a black rose pierced the space just behind Lita's bobbing ponytail. The Moonlight Knight drew his arm back and fired a white rose back. Zoisite sucked in a breath of air which in his state was all he could do. Lita put all her strength into a flying leap towards the heavy pane of the glass window in front of her.

The projectiles struck, tip-to-tip, in mid fight. There was a spark, a crackle of energy, and tremendous explosion of white-hot light. Every table and chair in the restaurant was thrown backwards. The glasses and bottles against the bar shuddered and smashed. Every window in the Four Kings was blown out at once by the shockwave. Lita, Mina, and Usagi were pushed through by the force of the blast and landed in the middle of the street among the countless shards of serrated glass. Zoisite was knocked backward into the door again. He hung on for dear life even as the glass door shattered.

Usagi sat up in the street and peered into the ruined restaurant fearing what she might see. The two men had been thrown wide by the explosion to opposite sides of the building. The man in black stood first. His cape had been shredded and torn from one shoulder by the blast. His hair was blown back and the mask was torn from his face. Usagi recognized him immediately.

"Mamoru?" she whispered to herself.

The Moonlight Knight rose as well, shrugging off pieces of tile and chunks of wood in stride. His cape had been pulled off completely and his robe was in tatters. His turban had unraveled and for the first time Usagi saw the long streaks of silver hair that had been tucked underneath. The veil he wore over his mouth was gone as well. Steel gray eyes as sharp as the edge of his shattered sword cut a path through the rubble straight to his opponent.

"Kunzite!" Mina gasped next to her.

"Kunzite?" Mamoru seemed genuinely surprised, "Is this how the Shitennou serve their Prince?"

"You are no prince." Kunzite assaulted him, "You are a deceitful creature of lies and malice."

"I am what you could _never_ be!" Mamoru returned, "Living your lives like trained animals; slaves to a man who never did anything to deserve your allegiance!"

"I am no longer the man I was." Kunzite replied, "I am beyond names and titles. I am what _you_ could never be, not since you allowed yourself to fall to this… this _ruin_."

"Ruin?" Mamoru laughed, "How prophetic. That's exactly what I'm aiming for. The ruin of this world. The ruin of the White Moon."

"What the fuck is going on here?" Lita couldn't help asking aloud.

"Mamoru!" Usagi called out to the man in black.

She was answered with a spike of black lightning which seared the ground in front of her. She couldn't believe it, but it seemed to arc straight from Mamoru's hand.

"Don't call me that filthy name." the man before her spat.

"So what do we call you then?" Mina attacked him, "Have you completely embraced that cartoon character Darien Shields that you invented?"

"Mamoru is dead and Darien Shields is nothing more than a mask I wear." The man who was neither Darien nor Mamoru answered.

"You will never have what you seek." Kunzite promised as he stalked his way towards the trio of girls huddled in the streets, "I will never allow you near the Princess again."

"Princess?" Lita asked and her gaze drifted instinctively to Usagi.

"Make all the pretty promises you like, Knight." He spoke as a black, foggy aura began to envelop him, "For with or without the power of the _ginzuishou_ I will still bring about your day of destruction."

"Master…" Zoisite weakly croaked from within the shattered doorway.

"The _senshi_ are gone! The Shitennou are powerless," he declared as energy crackled around him like a flame, "And soon the gateway to my ultimate power will be unlocked!" he threw his hands out in a dramatic gesture, "I am _Thanatos_ and upon the ruins of this world I will found a New Dark Kingdom to rule over a Black Millennium!"

A flash of lightning and a peal of thunder signaled the disappearance of the creature calling itself Thanatos. For a long while no one moved. No traffic passed by. No pedestrians happened along to witness the devastation. Construction workers at the Project Serenity site ignored the whole affair. No one spoke. After all, what would they say?


	34. Help on the Way

_Author's Note: Okay, I apologize, but I had an absolutely epic lapse when I posted the last chapter and completely forgot that there was supposed to be another chapter __**before**__ it. I had actually written "Don't Look Back in Anger" as part of this chapter, but it just got too long so I separated it out into its own chapter. During my latest absence I completely forgot that I had done that and neglected to finish and upload this one first, so my bad._

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Help on the Way

"Ow." Zoisite complained as the damp towel touched his wounded scalp again. He didn't snap or cry out. He just mumbled his reaction as he had been doing for the last few minutes. He was perched on one of the few remaining bar stools in the shattered dining room of the Four Kings Bar & Grill as Lita tended to his injury.

"How do you feel?" Usagi asked, worried and visibly shaken by the ordeal.

"Like I got a hammer thrown at my head." Zoisite tried to sound nonchalant. He failed.

"Your wound will heal in time." The tall, white-haired man behind him spoke as he began the process of reassembling his tattered turban.

"What about your wounds?" Lita indicated the red smears all across the Moonlight Knight's … or was it _Kunzite's_ robe.

"I am unhurt." He assured them.

"No you're not." Mina stepped up to him, her voice trembling slightly, "You've been missing for almost a year. You've been following Usagi, popping up at just the right times to save her, god knows how, and you were definitely injured fighting that tuxedo guy."

"My physical pain is inconsequential." He brushed aside her worry, "You should tend to your Princess."

"Her _what_?" Lita demanded, pausing from her work cleaning the blood from Zoisite's face for a moment, "Seriously dude, what is with this Arabian Nights fairytale princess bullshit?"

"Lita, I don't think he—" Usagi tried to intervene, but she was cut off.

"You should not speak so crudely." The knight reprimanded her.

"I'll speak however I fucking please!" Lita whirled around to face him fully, "Now I've got a purse full of feel-good meds that stop working when I'm in a high-stress environment, so I need you to start spelling things out for me before _bad_ shit starts to happen."

"I should not have to remind you of the oaths you swore to your Princess." He declined.

"I don't have a _"Princess"_ because I pay taxes and I vote and I'm not five years old _or_ crazy." She twirled a finger at the side of her head for effect, "And I don't throw exploding flowers at people and ruin my friend's business!"

"The loss of this establishment is regrettable, but it does not change the fact that you have set your sacred duty by the wayside." the man who was Kunzite rebuked her and also caught Mina in his gaze with that admonishment, "You were once the warrior Athene, the ever-watchful protector of your Princess. Where were you when her enemies closed in around her?"

"Is he making sense to _anyone_?" Lita demanded pointing furiously at the impossibly stoic man.

"We should not be wasting time playing at words." The knight put his foot down. Literally, "Each moment we delay Thanatos uses to gather his strength. You must summon the other Sailor Senshi at once!"

"The what?" it was Mina's turn to ask the confused question.

"Kunzite!" Zoisite shouted at the moment Mina's question left her lips. He pushed Lita's hand away from his bloodied forehead and leaned closer, "Maybe we should… ah… _relocate_ first?"

"I am not Kunzite." The man in white corrected him.

"Uh…" Zoisite tried to sound sarcastic, but at the same time was worried that the hammer to his head may have scrambled his memory a bit. He leaned over Lita's shoulder and asked, "That is Kunzite, right?"

"Uh-huh." She grunted back.

"The man you call Kunzite." The knight told them, "I may share his form, but I am not he." He grabbed his broken sword hilt from the ground in front of him and clutched it tightly. In a moment a lance of bright light erupted from the hilt and solidified into a new blade. He twirled it deftly in his hand and slid it into his belt again, "I am something entirely different."

"I can see that." Lita admitted, though every time she allowed her brain to reach for an answer to these strange phenomena she slapped it back down lest she lose her sanity completely.

"So what do we call you?" Usagi asked the obvious question.

"I… have no name of my own." he replied seeming almost upset by the declaration, "But if you wish, my Princess, you may refer to me as _Eros_."

"Eros?" Usagi repeated the name. It felt somehow familiar to her tongue.

"Eros." Lita repeated and went back to tending the wounded Zoisite, "Sounds Greek."

"Eros is the Greek god of love." Mina spoke clearly and despite their situation, blushed slightly and shook her head in embarrassment, "Don't' ask me how I know that."

_Because you're the Senshi of Love; even if you don't know it._ Zoisite thought to himself with a hidden smirk.

"Here." Lita placed a freezing cold plastic bag filled with water and chunks of ice in Zoisite's hand and then forced it against his wounded forehead. He sucked in a painful gasp of a breath through gritted teeth, "Hold that there."

"Thanks." He painfully exhaled, "Jeez, you'd think the cops would have shown up by now or something."

"Seriously." Lita agreed, "You guys really did pick the wrong end of town for this dive."

"Thanatos will not respect the laws of your city and he will not fear your police officers." Eros commented grimly, "By now I fear his power has grown to the point that he could have concealed these events from prying eyes."

"All the money in the world can't shut me up." Lita promised and fished her phone from her pocket.

"I do not refer to wealth." Eros clarified, but seemed confused by the slim device in her hand. "Are you summoning the other Senshi?"

"I'm calling 9-1-1." Lita responded.

"Umm…" Zoisite waved his hand pitifully towards her, "I don't know if that's such a good—"

"Your numbers will count for nothing in this battle; one hundred or nine hundred will make no difference if you cannot rally the Senshi." Eros closed the distance with Lita and flared his palm out over the screen of her phone.

"You're going to want to take a few steps back now." Her voice was pitched low and her messy bangs covered eyes of flame.

"Kunzite." Mina stepped past Usagi, "I mean… Eros."

The robed knight hesitated in front of Lita for a moment, weighing the severity of her threat, before turning to face the blondes, "Yes?"

"I don't think we should stay here." Mina looked him in the eye, searching for some level of recognition, of some _emotion_, but found none, "This place isn't safe, right?"

"No, it is not." Eros agreed and surveyed the damage and the buildings beyond, "We are in the shadow of Thanatos' citadel. These _sky-scrapers_…"

Suddenly he stopped speaking, stooped, and grasped the sword at his side. A silver SUV banked hard around a nearby street corner and came skidding to a halt in the middle of the street, stopping just short of the cone of shattered glass projected into the road. The driver's door opened and Andrew leapt out, not bothering to close the door or even shut off the engine. From the other side of the vehicle Ami appeared, eyes wide in concern and her hands already flying over the screen of her iPhone.

"My god!" Andrew gasped at the sight and approached the devastated Bar & Grill, "What the hell happened here? Are you alright?"

Eros halted him in his tracks when he drew his scimitar and leveled it at Andy's throat. Lita immediately stepped forward but Ami, cautious and law-abiding, pulled her back.

"Woah, Kunzite?" Andrew's speech was startled and more of nervous confusion than outright surprise, "You're back?"

"Eros, put that away!" Usagi ordered and the knight immediately obeyed without a shade of hesitation. Usagi sighed in relief and turned to Andrew, "He's a friend."

"What's going on here?" Now Andrew's nerves got the better of him and his voice wavered.

"There was a battle." Eros commented as he drew the length of what remained of his cape over his hip and covered the sword from view.

"A battle?" Ami was incredulous, "Was this gang-related? Was someone trying to rob you?"

"No, it's a little more complicated than—" Mina attempted to explain but she was cut off by the imposing enigma in their midst.

"So you did summon the Senshi." Eros spoke to Lita as he approached the young lawyer who took a step back, "You are Metis, are you not? The Senshi of Wisdom."

"I'm sorry?" Ami scrunched her brow in confusion.

"Eros!" Zoisite's voice called out over everyone's, "Maybe you shouldn't volunteer such _sensitive_ information on our enemy's doorstep?" He hoped the exaggerated facial expressions he was forcing would help Eros realize the error of his recent outbursts.

"Oh, don't you start now." Lita was less than enthused with Zoisite jumping on board the swords-and-sorcery wagon.

"Maybe you should _forget_ about this for now." Zoisite eyebrows shifted in the direction of the four young women in their midst as he continued his obvious attempt to dissuade Eros from mentioning the Senshi any further, "Let's just get out of here for right now."

"Very well." Eros was utterly without emotion, "We will discuss this threat in a more secure location."

"We need to get the police down here at once." Ami announced and started tapping on her phone again, "I can take depositions; I need to know _exactly_ what happened so I can prepare the best case for—"

"Ami, no!" Zoisite discarded his ice pack and moved to stand in front of her.

"What happened to you?" she suddenly gasped in shock at seeing the gash across his forehead, "Zoisite, we have to get you to the hospital immediately!"

"I'm fine, just please…" he reached down and grabbed her gently by the shoulders, "Please trust me. We're going to handle this."

"What do you mean?" Ami asked puzzled.

"Yeah, handle what? Who did this?" Andrew asked forcibly, visibly perturbed that Zoisite was apparently trying to talk his way around Ami's defenses.

"Darien Shields." Lita announced candidly, "Son of a bitch sent in a crew of construction goons to try to rough us up and then he showed up himself." Lita gestured to the demolished restaurant, "This is the result."

"Darien?" Andrew seemed utterly shocked, "No, not…"

"It was Mamoru." Usagi told him and took Andrew's hand in hers, "Andrew, I don't understand what's happening here." Andrew's heart ached at the innocent sorrow in her eyes, "You're his best friend; do you know what's happened to him?"

"I _was_ his best friend." Andrew answered dejectedly, "I'm sorry, Usagi, I don't know any more than you do. He's just been drifting away and shutting himself off."

"And blowing up restaurants." Lita interjected.

"How did he do that, by the way?" Ami demanded, "Was he carrying explosives? Did you see him rupture a gas line or anything?"

"Let's get out of here!" Zoisite interrupted again and gestured towards Andy's still-running SUV, "We'll talk about everything back at our place. I'll just run back inside and grab the money out of the till if isn't burned up."

"Right, yeah." Andrew reluctantly agreed, "No reason to stand out here in the streets." He glanced at the end of the bar where his VIP stool had sat. It was now piled, smashed against one wall with the rest of the furniture, "Damn shame."

"Eros, you go with them." Zoisite ordered, "I'll call a cab and meet you at the house after I grab everything important."

"Don't touch anything!" Ami cried as Lita ushered her towards the vehicle, "Preserve as much of the crime scene as you can!"

"Zoisite, it's dangerous to stay here by yourself." Usagi warned, "Just come back with us. It's not worth it to risk your life for a handful of money."

"I'll be fine, Usagi." Zoisite assured her, "Go on. I need you to watch out for Kunzite." He grimaced and shook his head, "I mean Eros."

"What's wrong with him?" Usagi whispered as the silver-haired knight climbed awkwardly into the SUV tripping over his robe.

"I don't know." Zoisite confessed, "But it sounds like all he wants to do is protect you." Zoisite tried to sound nonchalant despite the gravity and history of his words, "He thinks you're his princess, after all."

"He doesn't even know me." Usagi wondered aloud.

"What do you mean?" Zoisite was perplexed and chalked it up to the throbbing headache, "I watched you two last year at the Christmas party, you were getting on like an old married couple."

Usagi turned slowly, tears stinging her eyes and her lip trembling, "Zoi—" she choked on the syllable.

"Hey, come on!" Zoisite knelt down to be eye level with the young woman, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I know you always said he was creepy and—"

"That's not it." Usagi interrupted and loudly sniffed back her hesitation, "At the Christmas party. That was… I mean…"

"What?" Zoisite was utterly lost.

"It wasn't me." Usagi looked him in the eye, "It was Mina."

"_What?_" it was gasp this time.

"I'm sorry, but Kunzite… I couldn't face him!" Usagi confessed, "It felt so _wrong_ to me. I couldn't tell him and when he asked me to go to that party with him…" she shivered against her will, "I asked Mina to go instead. We even disguised her to look like me. It was such a stupid idea and now…" tears began to fill her eyes again, "Now Kunzite is…"

"Usagi." Zoisite touched her chin with his thumb and forefinger, "This isn't your fault."

"But what if it is?" she cried hysterically, "What if this is all because I rejected him? He was gone for a whole year; who knows what could have happened to him to change him like that?"

"Usagi, I've known Kunzite for longer than I can admit." Zoisite shuffled his memories like a deck of cards as he spoke, "I know for a fact that you rejecting him would not have made him get up and run away like he did that night." Zoisite thought back to the prior year, "As far as I'm aware, he thought Mina was you, anyway."

"Oh god…" Usagi looked as though she were going to be sick.

"Hey." Zoisite propped her up again, "You can't worry about this, okay? It's not your fault. There's nothing you could have done."

"I'm such a coward." Usagi pitifully wiped a sleeve across her eyes.

"You are absolutely _not_ a coward, Usagi." Zoisite's voice was forceful, but compassionate, "Look… Kunzite is an ass, even when he's not wearing a turban and carrying a sword." Usagi gave the barest hint of a chuckle, "I don't blame you for what you did. As far as I'm concerned he had it coming." Zoisite thought about holding this back, but spoke his mind, "And sending Mina in your place may have done more good than you can realize."

"How?" Usagi tearfully asked.

"Well…" Zoisite thought for a moment about delving into the history that Kunzite shared with a certain Sailor Senshi from Venus, but restructured his words into something more complimentary, "It shows that at least one thing throughout this whole mess hasn't changed." He looked her in the eye, "You still care for Mamoru."

"How does that—" Usagi was confused and shook her head, "What does that have to do with me rejecting Kunzite?"

_It's because you love Mamoru that you wouldn't let Kunzite get close to you. You love him even when you don't know him; even when he seems to be trying to kill you._

Zoisite bit his tongue, scolding himself for bringing it up in the first place, "You should get going with the others. We can talk more about it later."

"Zoisite?" Usagi sounded terribly upset and frightened when she asked, "Do you know what's happening? I mean… with everything that's been happening?"

Zoisite wished that he could tell her what he knew. He wished that he could be open with her. He recalled long dormant memories of the Silver Millennium and remembered how much he enjoyed talking to Princess Serenity. There was no pretense with her, no guarded words or veiled intentions. Zoisite remembered that he could talk to Serenity about anything and that she loved to talk about _everything_. A smile spread across his lips in spite of himself and the situation.

"Zoisite?" Usagi repeated.

"I wish I could tell you." Zoisite said honestly, "I wish I knew."

In his subterranean lair beneath the skyscrapers of Project Serenity,

* * *

Thanatos sat upon his throne examining the rows of cuts and abrasions along the length of his right forearm. He had yet to remove the tattered tuxedo which bore the brunt of his fight with the Moonlight Knight and he twirled a white domino mask on the index finger of his other hand.

"You're hurt." A voice from the side of his throne observed in a shrugging monotone, slightly dismissive, slightly sarcastic, and slightly concerned all at once.

"So fragile." Thanatos observed as he flicked a patch of dried blood away from one of the cuts, "Just a few shards of broken glass are all it takes to bleed. Any deeper and nerves could have been severed; a limb rendered useless by nothing more than a window pane."

The emaciated creature at the foot of the throne gave a small grunt of agreement.

"Still…" Thanatos stopped twirling the mask and ran his hand over wounds on his forearm in a back-and-forth motion, as though he were wiping away mere stains. The wounds instantly healed and closed, "Not worth even the slightest amount of my attention."

"Will you fight him again?" the haggard woman sitting cross-legged near the throne asked, "The Knight?"

"Perhaps I'll send you to face him." Thanatos laughed with a grim chuckle, "Seeing as how you did _so_ well when I sent you to wrestle the _ginzuishou_ from the powerless princess."

"You shouldn't have wasted your energy bringing me back to life again." Beryl chastised him.

"You're not a waste, my queen." Thanatos patronized the fallen lady, "Every pitiful moan that escapes your lips is a symphony to my ears."

"Relish in your own failures, demon." Beryl spat at him.

Thanatos swung his body out of the throne to kneel before Beryl and in one swift motion drew back his hand and slapped her mercilessly across the mouth. In her undead state, a chunk of skin peeled away from the bony chin which bobbed up and down with percolating, guttural laughter.

"You dare laugh at me, you filthy creature?" Thanatos threatened and grabbed Beryl's scrawny throat in one hand, "I _made_ you. I gave you _power_ and you squandered it."

"You?" Beryl cackled in his face, "No, prince. Metalia gave me power; _Chaos_ gave me power."

"I _am_ Chaos!" Thanatos tightened his grip on the queen's neck.

"You're a shadow of Chaos; ruined fragments of every failed attempt to claim this world as your own." The undead queen berated him, "Nothing more than afterbirth." Thanatos squeezed harder, his strength doing little damage to a creature that no longer needed to breathe, "You're weak."

To prove her wrong Thanatos pulled her forward by the neck and slammed her head twice in quick succession off the hard, cold stone of the throne. An audible crack and a wheeze of muffled exasperation preceded another round of hellish cackling. Thanatos pulled himself off the ground ripped his tattered cape of his shoulders in the same movement, pacing around to the other side of the throne while averting his gaze from the taunting figure on the floor.

"Look at you." She continued attacking him, "The Earth is defenseless; no Senshi to guard it. The Shitennou have no power and you just have to reach out your hand and seize the opportunity, but you don't know how."

"I simply need more time." Thanatos dismissed the criticism over his shoulder.

"Time?" Beryl hissed, "Hah!" She gathered her tattered dress and stood on creaking legs, hunched and wizened like a storybook hag, "You're a fool grasping at straws: pretending to play at politics in your guise of Darien Shields, skulking in the shadows still pining for the Moon Princess, failing miserably at trying to steal the _ginzuishou_. You need more than _time_!"

"Why should I listen to a corpse like you?" Thanatos growled and pulled back his hand to strike Beryl again.

"There is no pain you can cause me in this decayed form." Beryl reminded him smugly.

"I will cause you pain." The creature promised her with a nod, "I will cause you _eternal_ pain. When this universe is ruins I will rebuild it for that sole purpose; an entire cosmos designed by my hand to cause you nothing but endless suffering!"

"But what about your New Dark Kingdom?" Beryl taunted him again, "And your Black Millennium?"

"Do not _test_ me!" Thanatos roared. His eyes blazed with red fire and the cavern shook and reverberated with the thunder of his voice.

That outburst even shocked Beryl. She took a step backward and bowed her head slightly, "Apologies, my Lord Thanatos."

The creature wearing Mamoru's skin did not wipe the scowl from his face. He turned away from Beryl once again and ripped the bowtie off his tattered tuxedo, tossing it carelessly to the floor of the cave. Beryl's eyes fell upon it and traveled up the expanse of black covering Thanatos' broad shoulders. She scorned herself for letting her gaze linger on him. Even as a poorly reanimated corpse the essence of Queen Beryl was strong and her affection for Endymion, or Mamoru, or whatever he was called in this incarnation had not waned even through death.

"I will have the power I require soon enough." Thanatos spoke defiantly to the darkness of his cavernous citadel, and to Beryl as she was the only audience he had, "If I cannot claim the _ginzuishou_, then there are _other_ sources to exploit."

Beryl did no question this declaration. She remained silent and shortly after Thanatos exited the cavern en route to the offices he inhabited as Darien Shields. Beryl slumped against the throne once more, one long bony finger tracing absentminded patterns on the floor. With the other she stretched and retrieved the domino mask which lay on the edge of the throne. She twisted the object around in her grasp and even put it up to her face wondering if some lingering magic would allow her to see the world through _His_ eyes.

Disappointed, she set the mask down again and gazed up at the stalactite ceiling imagining the figure of Thanatos high above ascending the floors of his skyscraper, picturing the invisible black wisps of cloudy energy seeping from him in uncontrolled waves, fearing what he might be capable of if he were ever truly able to harness the powers that the echoes of Chaos' many incarnations left within him. Most of all she hoped and dreamed that one day that body would play host to the man she loved once again; the noble Endymion, who could not return her love. She wanted to see him again, to hear his voice and feel his kingly presence. She wanted to put out his eyes and tear him limb from lim. She wanted to caress his hair and run a knife through his heart. She wanted to kiss him forever and rip out his throat.

Beryl turned over and curled into a fetal ball at the side of Thanatos' throne and let out a heavy, mournful sigh before slipping into the restless sleep of undeath.

* * *

If there was a Hell personally reserved for the Shitennou alone, this was it.

Jadeite, Nephrite and Ares stood together in a strangely deserted concourse of Haneda Airport in the early morning of whatever day Sailor Pluto's Garnet Orb had transported them to this time. Usagi stood in their midst, a sparkling diamond ring just out of its velvet box glistened on her finger. In front of her stood Mamoru with a gaping hole in his chest, his features ashen, and his body slowly crumbling to dust. Peering down from over his shoulder was a woman they could not recognize: a tall creature wearing a golden outfit reminiscent of the Senshi, but styled almost like Roman _lorica _with numerous armored appointments. Her smirking visage was framed by a headdress of the same golden material as her armor and in her fist was clutched a shimmering stone: the Golden Crystal itself.

When Ares' eyes adjusted to the scene he immediately felt Mamoru's pain; the emptiness and the feeling of his physical self falling away. "No!" He yelped once as canine his body seized where he stood. He did not feel weakened as before, but that was a small consolation to the psychic pain wracking him now.

"Master!" Jadeite couldn't help but cry out.

"This is no past of ours." Nephrite growled furiously, "Where were we when _this_ happened?"

"Slumbering in Elysion." The ethereal voice of Sailor Pluto joined them once more, "No doubt where your Master Endymion thought your troubled souls could find solace and healing."

"Don't patronize me, Pluto!" Nephrite was livid and shouted at the ceiling, "You're supposed be all-seeing; how could you let this happen?!"

"Do not blame me for an act of Chaos, Nephrite!" Pluto barked from her unearthly height, "None saw this approaching. Not I, not Sailor Neptune and her mirror, not Sailor Mars' sacred fire. We were stunned when it happened; there was nothing we could have done! We were powerless!"

"Powerless?" Ares circled around, struggling against the pain he shared with the dying man in this macabre still-life.

"Yeah, seriously?" Jadeite added, "The Senshi defeated Chaos, what, _four_ times before this and there is nothing you could have done?"

"Do not think I am without regret." She chastised, "And do not think you could have succeeded where the Senshi failed; we were all of us universally powerless to stop Sailor Galaxia."

"Powerless?" Nephrite chuckled sardonically, "Try _dead_ at this point."

"Even if you were corporeal in this time you would not have been able to stand against Her." Pluto promised them, "None of the Senshi could. They all fell before her in the end."

"Maybe we wouldn't have been able to defeat this Galaxia person, but we would have at least been able to protect Mamoru!" Jadeite snapped, "Look at his Princess." Jadeite pointed over his shoulder at the frozen image of Usagi and the withering Mamoru, "Look at Sailor Moon! She didn't even lift a finger to stop this!"

"It is not your place to question Serenity's actions." Pluto's voice admonished him from the ether.

"But it's your place to question ours?" Jadeite shot right back.

"You could not protect your Master in the past." The Senshi of Time harshly reminded the two kings, "What makes you think you could have done anything in this time to save him?"

"The past?" Nephrite repeated, "What is this sudden hostility really about, Setsuna?" He paused a moment, expecting a reprimand for using her civilian name. When none came he continued, "Are you still carrying a grudge for what happened in the Silver Millennium?"

"Perhaps we shouldn't have this conversation now." Ares strained to be heard and was not.

"Yeah, _what about time heals all wounds_, huh?" Jadeite quipped.

"Not enough time has passed to heal _that_ wound." Sailor Pluto thundered from her realm, "In the utopia of Crystal Tokyo, Endymion is my King. Because of that, he is my King in every time and every place." Pluto drew in an uneasy breath, "And in the Silver Millennium I watched my King fall because his men betrayed him to his enemies."

"Why do you think we're here, Pluto?" Nephrite challenged her, "Why do you think we're in this place trying to understand what's happening to our planet and _our_ King?" He pointed at the awful airport scene again, "We're trying to _stop_ something like this from happening!"

"It is too late." The Senshi's voice was rigid and sure.

"What?" Jadeite balked, "What do you mean?"

"The Golden Crystal is lost to Mamoru in your time, residing in the body of a _dog_ of all things." Pluto admonished them and Ares barely stifled an embarrassed yelp, "You have already failed to protect him."

"If that's true then we don't remember it." Nephrite spoke only what he knew, "And whatever happened in that moment is the cause of _all_ of this. We're done sightseeing the Senshi's great battles, Pluto, we need to see the end result."

"Yes." Ares approved, "We need to learn what happened to separate Mamoru from his own soul."

"Then we shall learn together." The unseen voice of the Senshi of Time agreed.

Nephrite only had to nod once and the orb cast its reddish glow over them a final time.

When their vision adjusted to the new tableau they found themselves in a familiar space: Mamoru's Tokyo apartment. They stood at the foot of his bed and glancing up Jadeite saw a small glass box perched on a night stand containing four brilliantly colored gem stones. Next to them, lying in the bed was their Master. His skin was deathly pale and clung feebly to his emaciated figure. His hair had gone ghostly white and his dark eyes were now gray, glossy and blind. His breaths came in ragged gasps and he wheezed in pain with each rising and falling of his withered chest.

"Good Christ…" Nephrite gasped at the heartbreaking sight.

Jadeite chose to look away rather than see his Master and, as he was now suddenly shocked into admitting, his old friend in such a pitiful state. Along each side of the bed stood members of the Senshi. They were all in attendance including several that he did not recognize, but their powerful auras were easily detectible even in this indistinct world of vision and memory. Also perched at the foot of the bed were the two Mau advisors in their feline forms. Ares' neck scruff bristled slightly upon seeing them. In stark contrast to the haggard creature that slashed his eye in Rei's basement, Artemis looked lean and healthy and was nervously circling around Luna who seemed to be attempting to calm a hysterical Usagi. Time had not quite caught up to them and they could not hear the conversations.

"What's happening to him?" Ares asked. Oddly at this moment he did not share the pain and exhaustion of the haggard man in the bed.

"He is struggling for his life." Pluto spoke coldly. The Shitennou whirled around to find her standing in their midst.

"What are you doing here?" Nephrite asked confused.

"I must have been present at this gathering." She answered, "And so I am present here."

"I hate time." Jadeite mumbled and turned away from the enigmatic Senshi.

"What happened this time?" Nephrite motioned to the dying man in the bed before them, "Another enemy? Something worse than that Galaxia person?"

"Watch." Was Pluto's morbidly eager answer.


	35. Don't Look Back in Anger

_**EDIT ON 12/7/12** - I took this chapter down for a few days after I realized I had posted it prematurely. I haven't made any edits to this chapter. -Adins_

_Author's Note: I know this chapter has been a long time coming and I apologize for my absence, but as is often the case life intruded for a while and sapped away all time and enthusiasm. This was a particularly difficult chapter to write and hopefully it was worth the wait. I'll try to have a followup written in something less than six months this time. ;-)_

_Also, it's probably worth mentioning that this entire chapter is a flashback. Happy trails._

Adins Presents

"**My Four Kings"**

Today's Episode: Don't Look Back in Anger

"NO!" Haruka shrieked and in brazen defiance turned her anger on Usagi, "He may be my King in a few thousand years, but right now he's just a sick man who isn't thinking clearly!"

"But Haruka, we've tried everything else!" a teary-eyed Usagi pleaded with her most outspoken soldier.

"We haven't tried waiting." Michiru stated and looked to Setsuna who gave a noncommittal twitch of her head in response.

"This won't fix itself." Mamoru spoke from his bed. His voice was hoarse and hollow and his lips barely parted enough to allow the words to pass through, "The Earth is… _trembling_."

As the last syllable left his lips Mamoru's body seized and shivered as a sudden tremor shook the apartment building. It wasn't strong enough to cause damage or even shift furniture, but it was enough to rattle the windows and give everyone in the room a start. All eyes, even Mamoru's whose head could barely leave the pillow, shifted to Ami where she sat at a desk in the corner of the room, vision fixed on Mamoru's computer screen.

"Still very minor." Ami noted the seismic readout on the computer screen, "But the frequency of the tremors has increased another eight percent."

"See? It's getting worse!" Usagi begged her soldiers, "If we don't do something soon the whole planet will shake itself apart!"

"Rei…" Haruka had a hand across her eyes, rubbing her temples with her thumb and forefinger, "Please talk some sense into her."

"Nothing I say will change her mind." Rei didn't exactly give up without a fight, but rather embraced the practical.

"You're not okay with this, are you?" The senshi of Uranus reached for aid.

"No." the priestess replied, "But that doesn't matter."

"I don't think any of us are completely on board with this plan." Minako added her opinion, "But Usagi is right. We have to do something soon." Normally she would have guarded her words for her Princess' sake, but the situation was already grim, "Mamoru isn't going to last much longer at this rate."

"She's right." Mamoru coughed feebly.

"They tried to destroy the planet and kill the Princess." Michiru reminded him harshly, "And you."

"And once in the past they succeeded!" Haruka reopened an ancient wound, "We're putting our lives and the safety of this planet in the hands of a group of backstabbing traitors!" she continued her tirade, "I won't stand by and watch the Silver Millennium repeat itself!"

"They have been touched by Chaos." Michiru stressed, "Who knows what might happen if they are allowed to carry the Golden Crystal?"

"We've _all_ been touched by Chaos in some way." Ami interjected with a grimace.

"Then what about Helios?" Makoto offered, "He guarded the Golden Crystal for ages. Can't he do the same for us now?"

"Helios guarded the way to Elysion." Mamoru struggled, "But the Crystal was always within me."

"Explain to me again why one of the Senshi can't wield the Golden Crystal?" Haruka now began to shift back and forth where she stood.

"Because the Senshi already carry their own Sailor Crystals." Setsuna spoke softly, "No one can care for two souls at a time."

"Hold on to something!" Ami's voice slashed through the argument.

As the last syllable left her lips the world beneath them lurched and a powerful quake shook the building. A framed picture of Mamoru and the Senshi standing in a copse of sakura fell from the wall above his bed and smashed on the ground. The room groaned and the drywall fractured in several places spewing chalky dust into the air. Finally after almost a full minute the rumbling stopped and the room settled.

"That settles it for me." Makoto breathed an uneasy sigh of relief.

"You don't have to like it, Haruka." Mamoru mumbled, "But would you trade the whole Earth…" he paused and painfully forced his eyes open, "… and _Hotaru_… for a grudge against the Shitennou?"

Unhappy with having her one weakness exploited, Haruka threw an accusatory finger at the small glass box teetering precariously at the edge of Mamoru's night stand and bellowed, "There has to be someone besides _them_ who can do this!"

"There isn't." he spoke with groaning finality.

Haruka looked to Setsuna for support who simply shook her head in a single, negative swing. She clenched her fist and stared down at the decaying man in front of her.

"If you want to do this then the consequences are on you." She demanded and stepped beside Michiru, "And we're going to watch them closely. One false move and we won't hesitate to destroy them."

"Don't be too upset if they disappoint you." Mamoru warned and despite his haggard condition managed to crack a smile, "You might like them."

Haruka snorted her rebuke and turned away. Michiru just offered an uneasy smirk which, in her own way, was an affirmation of Mamoru's words. All eyes now turned to the imposing senshi of Pluto who returned their looks of anticipation and worry with quiet detachment.

"Ok Setsuna," Usagi's voice shook as she sought out one of Mamoru's bony, clammy hand with hers, "Tell us what we have to do."

"Leave us." Setsuna ordered Haruka and Michiru.

Their own business concluded, and startled at the chill in their ancient friend's voice, the senshi of Uranus and Neptune quietly exited the bedroom and made their way out of the apartment. When Setsuna sensed that they were safely beyond the bounds of the apartment she waved her right hand across her body and the Garnet Rod shimmered into being in her grasp. She deftly twirled the staff and a hazy distortion appeared beside her which coalesced into a vaguely human shape and finally solidified into the form of a young girl, only six years old, curled up in a ball fast asleep.

"Hotaru-chan?" Ami gasped seeing the young girl sound asleep.

"What's she doing here?" Makoto was confused.

"She is necessary." Setsuna spoke and her previously submerged emotions now rose to the surface in a tidal wave of anxiety, "She is the senshi of death, after all."

"Pluto, you told us _you_ would perform this ceremony." Minako addressed her authoritatively.

"I have power over time, but that will not help to save my—the King." Setsuna explained and her voice wavered as an addict's might in the grip of withdrawal, "I wish to save this world as I know you all do, but to do that we need Sailor Saturn."

"Haruka and Michiru don't know she's here, do they?" Rei asked impassively.

"Heh." Makoto laughed ironically, "You think they'd let Hotaru be part of this? We'd be fighting about it even after the Earth was dust."

"To do what we are attempting, sacrifices must be made." Setsuna spoke morosely, "And Haruka and Michiru do not need to be among them."

"What sort of sacrifices are we talking about?" Minako asked cautiously.

"Raising the dead is not as simple a matter as conjuring lightning or fire, or even stopping the flow of time." Setsuna's words sent a chill down every spine, "We are dealing with primordial forces far beyond the Senshi's limited powers and our actions will upset the balance of the cosmos."

"Well we can fix the balance later." Usagi promised and closed her free hand around the brooch on her chest where the Ginzuishou sat dormant.

"It's not as simple as that, Princess." Setsuna's hand wrung tightly around the Garnet Rod, "The Shitennou's Star Seeds may have returned to the Galaxy Cauldron when they died, but part of their souls remained trapped within the four stones sitting in that box; that was Metalia's curse; the curse of Chaos." The senshi all turned to the box on Mamoru's table, "If we succeed in forcibly pulling the Shitennou's Star Seeds from the Cauldron, we will need to replace them with something else."

_Something else_. Even with their limited understanding of the complicated metaphysical workings of the universe, none of the Senshi needed any clarification as to the meaning of those words. If they wanted to save their planet they would have to give up their own lives in exchange for the lives of four murdering traitors.

"Hey…" Usagi began to panic in the silence, "Hey, no! Wait a minute!"

"It should be the four of us." Minako declared to Makoto, Ami, and Rei as she assumed the decisive mantle of the Senshi's leader.

"NO!" Usagi screeched, momentarily losing focus of Mamoru's struggle and leaving his side, "No, you can't even _consider_ this! I won't let you!"

"What do we have to do, Setsuna?" Minako asked, putting Usagi's growing hysterics out of her mind.

"Don't ignore me, Minako!" Usagi's eyes were tearing as she shouted.

"Usagi-chan, calm down." Makoto tried to console her.

"No, stop it!" she shrugged her off and continued on, zeroing on Minako as her target, "What are you thinking?! You can't do this!"

"Usako…" Mamoru weakly moaned from his bed.

"This isn't right!" she cried and pleaded, "We… we're done fighting! Right? We beat Galaxia… we're supposed to be _done_ now! We're supposed to be _normal_! You can't go off and just… and just…"

"Usagi!" Minako grabbed her hysterical friend by the wrists and looked her in the eye, "It's going to be okay, you know? It'll be alright!"

"How can you say that?" she sniffled back.

"Because you know how it works, don't you?" Minako smiled, "When Star Seeds go back to the Galaxy Cauldron they can choose to be reborn, remember? So we'll have a nice little trip across the galaxy and _poof_, we'll be back before you know it!"

Setsuna's grim silence was enough for Minako to question her own words and turn to the Plutonian, "Right?"

"I don't know." She replied honestly and without emotion.

"You don't know?" Makoto echoed her, "I thought you were an authority on this stuff."

"This has never been attempted before." Setsuna shot the accusation down, "All I know for certain is that balance is the only true constant in the universe. It's a mathematical equation. Take one thing away and you must give something back."

"So if we do this…" Minako gulped, "You're saying it's a one way trip?"

"I don't know." Setsuna repeated, this time with an almost apologetic shrug.

"That doesn't change anything." Rei spoke up, "We're all going to die anyway if we just stand here arguing about it." She shot her glance at Minako, "We have a duty to protect this planet, even at the cost of our lives."

"Well, I'm sorry, I just didn't know I was going to be living my last day on Earth when I woke up this morning." Minako shot back and threw her arms in a defiant cross in front of her.

"Guys, stop it!" Usagi put her fists to the sides of her head, "Stop talking like that!"

"Well, I'm in." Makoto attempted to ease the tension and called across the room, "Ami, how about you?" Ami didn't answer. She was hunched over in her chair with her back to the group. Makoto cocked her head and called again, "Ami, what are you doing?"

The aqua Senshi turned around, her eyes red with the strain of tears that she was holding in. She set her cell phone down on the desk and shakily answered, "Texting a goodbye message to my Mother."

That was when Minako's brazen leadership failed, when Makoto's courage went slack, and when Rei's fiery valor dissipated. That was when the truth hit home and the Senshi with their many lives and supernatural powers suddenly realized that this was the battle they might not be coming back from.

"No." Usagi could barely form words in her sorrow, "I'm not going to let you do this!"

Minako turned to face her. Instead of continuing the argument she simply gathered her sobbing Princess in her arms and wrapped her in a bear hug. Usagi, pinned as she was, could nonetheless feel three more sets of arms slowly encircle her as their inseparable group came together to offer the only goodbye that would suffice. Nothing had ever hurt her this much, but from some unknown depth of her soul the Moon Princess embraced that strength that only the other Senshi could draw out of her and forced her tears to stop.

"I'll find a way." She squeaked out, barely able to speak from the strength of the arms around her body and the overpowering love in her heart.

"We know you will." She heard them reply without even speaking.

After what felt like an hour the Senshi finally released their Princess and wordlessly turned to Setsuna who nodded in recognition and knelt down at the side of the young Hotaru who still lay sleeping in an obviously magical trance. She brushed her hand over the girl's pale forehead and the sign of Saturn flashed brightly. Her eyes flew open immediately.

"Hotaru-chan." Setsuna spoke gently.

"Setsuna-mama?" her sleepy voice asked in a yawn, "I'm still sleepy."

"I know." Her surrogate mother smiled, "You can go back to sleep, but first I want to ask you if we can talk to your _special friend_?"

"Hmm…" Hotaru yawned again, "She's sleepy, too."

"I know she is." Setsuna agreed, "She can sleep for years and years." Hotaru gave a little laugh and Setsuna pressed, "But we just need to ask her something. Can she talk to us for just a minute?"

"One minute…" the young girl yawned again and her bright violet eyes fluttered closed.

A moment later her eyes snapped open, slate black, and she stood as her body contorted and grew to the proportions of a young teenage girl. Her moon-and-star pajamas were instantly replaced by the uniform of a Senshi, purple and brown, with boots laced to her knees and star-shaped brooch clasped over the bow on her chest. A crackle of electricity arced between her hands as a glaive twice her height with a yawning crescent blade sparked into being.

"Sailor Pluto." The senshi who was and was not Hotaru spoke in a chilling, emotionless voice.

"Sailor Saturn." The senshi of time replied with a nod of recognition.

"You know I should not be summoned." The mysterious dark senshi chastised her plutonian counterpart, "Hotaru-chan is not yet of an age to fully accept what she is and I will not see her dreams haunted by the specter of my power."

"I would not call upon you unless it was in the direst of circumstance." Pluto assured her, "The Earth is in peril; Prince Endymion's life hangs by a thread and unless we act, all will come to ruin. Hotaru included."

"Seismic tremors have been increasing in power and frequency for the last thirty six hours." Ami informed her, "At this rate the tectonic plates will begin to shear and produce cataclysmic tsunamis in the next few hours."

"I see." Saturn answered and as she turned towards the other gathered senshi her eyes closed and her lashes fluttered as she called upon her psychic sense, "I feel the Earth writhing in torment, sick and dying like its guardian." She opened her eyes to gaze at the weakened Mamoru, gaunt and pale on the bed, "They suffer as one."

"We can explain how it happened." Rei assured her.

"I already understand completely." Sailor Saturn shook her head with an aggravated sigh and spoke: "This is what happens when a man is touched by Chaos over and over again and is not purified. His soul is sick with the lingering presence of Metalia, the Death Phantom and every other form the demon ever took. The Golden Crystal itself is tainted with the darkness and over time it poisoned him; as Mamoru passes away, so passes the Earth."

Saturn turned to Pluto and gave a curious shrug of her shoulders, "Death is coming of its own accord. Why do you call upon me?"

"Not for death." Pluto promised her, "But for Rebirth."

"I cannot do anything to save him." Saturn's finality was chilling.

"Not him." Pluto explained, "We wish to call upon four creatures who once served as Endymion's guardians who, in their own limited way, may be able to halt this crisis by taking shared possession of the tainted Golden Crystal."

"Are you serious?" Saturn was completely taken aback, "Four creatures, no matter how powerful they may be, cannot wield the _kinzuishou_ in any way that Mamoru is capable of. At best you would only forestall the Earth's inevitable deterioration."

"Possibly, but at least we can use that time to find a long-term solution." Setsuna pleaded her case, "The senshi cannot take possession of the Golden Crystal, neither can the Priest of Elysion. The Shitennou are the only creatures with a strong enough connection to the Earth who can take on this burden."

"You realize that to bring the Shitennou back from death will upset the balance of the cosmos." Saturn warned.

Sailor Venus announced, "We're aware of that. And we are prepared to…" she choked slightly, calling their actual preparedness into question, "We are prepared to correct the unbalance."

"Imbalance." Ami corrected in reflex, studious even when staring Armageddon in the face.

Sailor Saturn smiled at the exchange despite the gravity of their situation and almost immediately their small group was put at ease. She turned to address a peculiarly silent soldier, "Sailor Moon?"

"Y-yes?" Usagi answered shakily, still in moderate shock from the rapidity of events.

"My limited existence does not allow me to grieve for what you may lose today, but while I cannot share in your sorrow, I can hope to spare you some measure." Her gaze softened considerably, "You do not need to witness this."

"I'm not leaving Mamoru's side." Usagi defensively clutched the ailing Prince's hand and then glanced to her left, "Or theirs." She offered a courageous smile to her senshi which they returned in kind.

"So be it." Saturn accepted and she drew her glaive across the air in front of her in a wide arc, "Sailor Senshi, please stand to one side." Saturn took the glaive in both hands and pointed the shining tip towards Mamoru's bed, "Sailor Moon, if you would please stand away."

Usagi could barely summon the will to release Mamoru's hand from her own let alone stand up and move away from his bed, but the steady, stoic gaze of the dying man in the bed told her that no matter what, he wouldn't be far away. She would not bend down to kiss him. _Not for the last time._ She released his hand, stood, and stepped away clutching the brooch on her chest like a life raft in a turbulent ocean.

Sailor Saturn removed a hand from her glaive and gestured towards the glass box that sat on Mamoru's bedside table. The box lifted itself into the air and floated towards the center of the room, coming to rest on the floor between the bed where Mamoru lay off to the left side of the room and where the Senshi gathered on the right. The lid opened itself and the four gemstones within glittered furiously when a bolt of lightning flashed outside the apartment window.

"First I will attempt to call the Star Seeds of the Shitennou from within the Galaxy Cauldron and unite them with the fragments of their souls contained within these stones." Saturn explained quickly, "If successful, they should manifest in this room in whatever forms they held at the time of their death."

"Will they remember…" Mamoru croaked, "Remember who they are? Remember what happened?"

"I cannot guarantee how much of their memory they will retain." Saturn told him, "They are unlikely to remain conscious for long after their rebirth and they almost certainly will not remember the process."

"How will they know what to do with the Golden Crystal then?" Makoto inquired.

"I will handle that." Pluto promised.

"Then second I shall draw the Golden Crystal from Mamoru's body and transfer it to the care of the Shitennou, under your guard, Sailor Pluto." Saturn turned to address the four Guardian Senshi huddled on the right side of the room, "And finally, to restore the cosmic balance, I must send your star seeds to the Galaxy Cauldron in recompense for removing the Shitennou's."

"If that's what it takes." Minako remained firm in her decision.

"Prepare yourselves." Sailor Saturn ordered and she thrust her glaive out in front of her to cast the shadow of the blade over the glass box on the floor.

An electric charge ignited the air as blue wisps of energy seeped off the crescent blade of the Silence Glaive. A crack of ethereal power lit up the room and the glass box containing the Shitennou's stones shattered. Mamoru would have jumped in alarm if his body was capable. The four stones within floated just above the floor as the wisps of energy from the blade began to spiral into a cloudy mist which gathered in a large circle around the stones. Sailor Saturn tilted the glaive backward and to one side as she deftly twirled the deadly instrument like a cheerleader's baton.

Without any sort of warning she raised the glaive high above her head and with a loud cry slammed the blunt end of the shaft down on the floor which erupted in a flash of binding light. The circle of mist now became a yawning chasm ringed in blue fire and frozen blackness as a warbling, deafening screech filled the apartment. Usagi covered her ears and focused her gaze on Mamoru, transfixed even in his sickly state. As the gathered crowd watched, the four gemstones rose higher and higher into the air as out of the void appeared four identical talismans, star-shaped and gleaming with silver and the rainbow hues of the Shitennou's stones; their _star seeds_. It was these mystical objects that Chaos had sought in its many guises; the tangible essence of a soul and the source of the mystical energy of life that proved such a tantalizing prize for the Senshi's enemies.

Each pair of talismans sat hovering in midair above the void for several moments; stone and seed seemed to be waiting, possibly for an order, possibly for cosmic guidance, possibly for the universe itself to tell them that yes, it was alright, and that life was once again within their reach.

"What's wrong?" Usagi was worried, "Why isn't anything happening?"

"Patience, princess." Sailor Saturn urged, "The birth of a newborn child is not an instant process; neither is the rebirth of a dormant spirit."

Usagi blinked several times and silently complied, but her tension was evident. She shuffled in place, unsure of what to do or how to help, and nervously began biting the corner of every finger on her left hand in turn. Her gaze darted back and forth between the levitating talismans and the bed where Mamoru lay. His breathing had become even more labored in the last few minutes since Sailor Saturn's arrival and his eyes were now closed despite the surreal sight before him.

It was then that the unthinkable happened. Mamoru's eyes opened as he exhaled a painful, gravelly breath and did not draw another. Sailor Pluto noticed first as Usagi, too rapt by her anxiety did not even process what it meant. The Senshi all turned to the bed where the man who was supposed to lead them as King passed away, eyes wide open, his spirit departing as the spirits of his Shitennou returned, passing each other in opposite directions in a cosmic journey.

When his utter silence finally registered, Usagi could only utter a quiet gasp before the death throes of the Planet Earth drowned out all sound completely. The ground beneath Mamoru's apartment disappeared as the epicenter of the apocalypse formed. The building began to fall down and to one side as the Senshi within uselessly tried to brace themselves against crumbling walls. All but one. Sailor Pluto stood firm and grim. Her knuckles were white gripping the Garnet Rod which now began to glow with its unearthly light.

"Setsuna-mama, _don't!_" Sailor Saturn cried, the dormant Hotaru's emotions dominating even the powerful presence of her Senshi alter-ego in that moment of despair.

Pluto ignored the plea and raised her staff over her head with both hands and cried, "_TEMPUS MORA!_"

Immediately the building halted in its fall. The roiling storm clouds in the sky above went still. All sound ceased save for the heavy, painful breaths of the Senshi of Time who now felt in full the consequence of using her most forbidden power. Her gift of foresight vanished immediately and for each second that she held time at bay it exacted a heavy toll, aging her body by years in a matter of moments.

"Hurry!" she demanded as the barest hints of gray began to tease the tips of her jade tresses.

Sailor Saturn wasted no time with affirmations. She quickly strode across the room to Mamoru's bed where Usagi, still shocked and silent, watched as the enigmatic Senshi reached towards Mamoru's chest. A tarnished golden light shone from beneath the sheets that covered his body as well as in the clawed palm of Sailor Saturn. With a grunt of effort and a flash of that unhealthy pale yellow the _kinzuishou_, Mamoru's star seed, the Golden Crystal of Elysion appeared in her hand. Sailor Saturn turned away from Mamoru's body and did not object when Usagi, finally overcome by grief, grabbed his limp hand and collapsed sobbing at the side of the bed.

"This must now be accomplished in one fell swoop." Sailor Saturn warned the guardian Senshi as she came back to the center of the room, the _kinzuishou_ glowing sickly in her hand, "I am sorry, but there is no time."

Sailor Venus could only hazard a momentary glance at her grieving princess who just lost the man she loved more than life itself and was about to lose the rest of the people who were closest to her, "Do it."

Sailor Saturn nodded and released the Golden Crystal from her gasp. Even in its tarnished state it floated gracefully to the ground between the Senshi and the talismans of the Shitennou. She turned, raising the Silence Glaive above her head in a fluid motion and then began to swing it in a downward-slicing arc in the direction of the Senshi.

"Death…" She cried.

Though time had stopped for world outside, it had not for those in that room, but now it seemed to slow to an interminable crawl, for what occurred then happened in an instant, even thought it was decades –possibly centuries or millennia in the making. Usagi opened her eyes, red, and full of tears when she heard Sailor Saturn utter the words, but when her gaze fell upon Mamoru's lifeless face she saw fire blazing in eyes that should have been empty, fangs where his teeth should have been, and a smile so wide and so wicked that the corners of his lips tore apart to accommodate it.

The hideous specter lurched out of the bed and grasped Usagi with hands of frozen fire. Immediately she felt the presence of a creature she was too well acquainted with. The dead body of her great love took to its feet, propelled by the malevolent power of Chaos itself. The lingering, pervasive presence of the demon which had sickened the planet, sullied the Golden Crystal, and ultimately led to Mamoru's death now seized his body as a perverted puppet.

"Reborn…" Saturn continued, barely a second later.

Usagi could not fight the creature; she couldn't find the breath to call out the words that would transform her into Sailor Moon. She felt her feet leave the ground. For a moment she thought that time had begun moving again, but she found that it was her body that was moving. With unholy strength the Chaos-driven husk of Mamoru threw her like a ragdoll towards the other Senshi, directly in the path of Sailor Saturn's deadly spell. In one fell swoop Chaos would destroy the Guardian Senshi that had for so long defeated its machinations and claim dominion over the Earth. A piercing laugh like a frozen wind shook the room, howling in triumph.

But it was not to be. Even as she collided headlong into her companions Usagi's presence of mind was strong. Her hands flailed and caught on to the arm of Sailor Mars whose eyes were wide in shock and managed to meet Usagi's as she shoved with all her might. Sailor Mars lost her balance, stumbled, and fell away from the rest of the group.

"_REVOLUTION!"_

The Guardian Senshi disappeared in a flash, save one. Sailor Mars, stunned and startled, pulled herself to her feet to see the look of utter astonishment on the faces of Sailor Saturn, Sailor Pluto, and four young men who stood naked, shivering, and terrified in the center of a ruined apartment skewed at an odd angle, halted in mid-collapse.

"**YOU WILL NOT THWART ME AGAIN!"** all eyes turned to the emaciated figure of Mamoru's body whose face was twisted into a perverse caricature of the departed prince.

"Master?" Kunzite was the first and only Shitennou to speak, "… Endymion?"

Chaos turned to him and threw out an open palm, **"YOU WERE MINE. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MINE."**

His confusion at the scene was replaced by urgent, unwilling movement of his body. Kunzite bent down and picked up the Golden Crystal from where it still lay in the middle of the room. He grit his teeth and struggled against the intrusion in his mind; a mind that he had only moments ago regained in the living world. His body whirled around to face the three remaining Senshi.

"**DESTROY THEM!"**

The Golden Crystal radiated power as its still-diseased glow began to fill the room. Sailor Pluto, weakened beyond her limits finally dropped the Garnet Rod from the exertion of muscles that now felt decades older. The apartment building immediately resumed its plummet towards the earth. The glow of the Golden Crystal intensified as the sickening laughter of Chaos drowned out the roar of the building's collapse.

"_Akuryo Taisan!"_ A shrill voice cut through the calamity. Sailor Mars had managed to steady herself just long enough to draw one of her charms. In her eyes blazed an anger unequalled throughout the cosmos: two lifetimes worth of painful memories all the result of Chaos' schemes, the rage at the loss of Mamoru, the despair at the loss of her friends, the inconsolable fury at the loss of her princess, _"BURN!"_

The charm struck Mamoru's possessed body square in the chest. Chaos, a shapeless, primordial force of nature, felt pain for the first time in its eternal existence. Sailor Mars' fire seared the creature within Mamoru and forced it to flee. His body fell, the building fell, and Sailor Mars fell. The ugly, rusty aura of the tainted _kinzuishou_ was suddenly gone, replaced by a color more befitting such a sacred talisman: its natural golden glow. And then there was white. Warm, blinding, and enveloping everything it touched. It was the last thing any of them would remember for quite some time.


End file.
